Cathy4: Zoloft withdrawal gone awry

[Cathy4]

12/1

 

1:30-3am awake (ate rx bar because so hungry)

 

7:40am  woke up, took 37.5mg levothyroxine and .25mg klonopin

Scared, but not as bad as previous two mornings, light box plus attempt to meditate

 

8:30am  cooked breakfast, took B-vitamins, tried 500mg of evening primrose oil to see if could help the possible uptick in symptoms because period due in week, took 67.5mg zoloft.  
 

10:00am  any/every pain from yesterday totally gone.  Poof.  
Cold and trouble warming up, excessive thirst, but no pelvic, flank, or abdominal pain.  
 

10:30am  watched some NFL football

 

11:30am  hot liver cleanse tea, fielded some calls from former job (doing a little consulting when I can). 
 

12:30pm  ate some leftover Thai food.  
 

1:00pm  set out for walk in woods.  Surprised still no abdominal weirdness, pleased.  Was enjoying walk, but constant calls from new manager about not enough chlorine in pools, etc.) 

 

2:30pm  stopped by the swim club to recalibrate one of the chlorine feeders.  Feel quite anxious and don’t want to be there plus liquid chlorine leaks in pump house.  
 

3:00pm home, nephew visiting again.  Play a little w/him, takes my mind off anger about pool and anxiety

 

4:30pm  cook some healthy dinner, able to eat.  
 

5:00pm  household chores, finished Christmas lights

 

6:00pm  a little anxiety creeping in, but nothing like past two nights

 

6:30pm  ate a bit more in hopes of not waking up hungry in night 

 

7:00pm  play with Henrietta (cat)

 

7:30pm epsom salt bath

 

8:00pm  do a Feldenkrais lesson to help calm down, notice a twinge of pelvic discomfort 

 

8:45pm  in bed, practice breathing, takes awhile to fall asleep

probably fall asleep around 9:30 or :45

 

12/2

 

awake 2am, pain after urinating returns but only for half hour.  Worry about this a little b/c then it migrates up flanks, back, and feel very full of something (gas?) and totally constipated like gut trying to move stuff through but can’t 

 

awake til 6:00am, maybe light sleep til 8:00am

 

8:00am worried I’m dying.  Take .25mg klonopin.  Drink water with prebiotic in it.  Scared of flank/back pain.  Able to have bowel movement.  
 

8:30am sit in front of light box and record symptoms in journal.  More hot pack, trying to just breathe through 

 

9:35am (now)  pain a tish less, maybe will subside so I can get something to eat.  
This is the hardest thing I’ve been through since childhood.  
 

Cathy
 

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

12/2 continued

 

10:30-1pm  lay in bed and tried to rest/sleep, feel unproductive, worry about health

 

1:30pm  eat a yogurt & smoothie (very hungry but it’s difficult to eat very much)

 

2:00pm  cleaned up kitchen a bit and brushed Henrietta, anxiety still very high

 

2:30pm  texted former therapist asking for reassurance about health 

 

3:00pm  broke down boxes in garage and did a little cleaning.  Turned on sports radio but started thinking about future and paced back & forth

 

4:00-5:30pm  Intense Anxiety about dying, went to room, played 3 meditations, breathed through.  

Flank & pelvic pain have eased up

 

6:00pm  watch a little Monday Night Football.  Ate bits of salad and eventually two small pieces of chicken tenders 

 

7:00pm  cleaned litter box and responded to texts on phone.  Had fantasy about blocking many people’s numbers.  
 

8:00pm  watched a little more football, feeling a bit less anxiety

 

9:00pm  chamomile tea and in bed for meditation with hot packs.  Crossing fingers for good sleep

 

 

 

 

 

[Shep]

8 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

10:30-1pm  lay in bed and tried to rest/sleep, feel unproductive, worry about health

 

1:30pm  eat a yogurt & smoothie (very hungry but it’s difficult to eat very much)

 

2:00pm  cleaned up kitchen a bit and brushed Henrietta, anxiety still very high

 

2:30pm  texted former therapist asking for reassurance about health 

 

A lot of people experience upticks in health anxiety, especially with so many symptoms and very little doctor awareness of withdrawal syndrome. You may find this thread helpful:

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

Knowing these symptoms are common and they do go away can be helpful, so also take a read of the many success stories:

 

Success stories: Recovery from withdrawal

 

[Cathy4]

Thank you, Shep.  Reading more success stories is a good idea for me.  
Cathy

 

 

[Cathy4]

I have a question for you, @Shepand @Altostrata when you have time:  

 

I’ve been having issues with frequent urination, sometimes burning when urinating, bladder pain, constipation, really bad gas, low back pain, pelvic discomfort.  
 

These symptoms seem to circulate and not happen all at once.  Sometimes they go away and then return.  My question is this:  

 

All of this started after I started taking klonopin on a daily basis.  I looked up side effects of klonopin, and many of those were covered (though less common).  Do you think these symptoms could be attributed to klonopin usage?  
 

I know it’s hard to say, but I’m wondering because in the past I’ve taken some klonopin intermittently or “as needed.”  Never daily like this.  
 

Thank you.  I do keep daily notes but haven’t been posting—trying to be low maintenance for right now. 
 

Cathy

[Altostrata]

Have you ever been treated for a bladder infection? Sounds like you might have one, or a low-grade one. How are you about drinking enough water every day?

[Cathy4]

Hi @Altostrata,

 

I haven’t been treated for a bladder infection ever, no.  A few UTIs in the past.  
 

I drink lots & lots of water everyday, and have been taking D-mannose intermittently.  
 

Thanks Alto.  

[Altostrata]

If you are urinating frequently with burning, you may have a bladder or a yeast infection. It sounds like you need a pelvic checkup.

 

You might look into non-drug ways to address the constipation. Often eating a lot of leafy green vegetables and drinking a good amount of water can help.

 

What other symptoms do you attribute to withdrawal?

[Cathy4]

Yes, @Altostrata, I really want to find non-drug ways to address the constipation.  I love leafy greens and eat them, but maybe increasing my intake a bit.  
 

I just went to urgent care and no uti, but a little blood in my urine so they’re doing a culture.  Also had a pelvic sample taken.  (I had tried to go 3x but it took til today for me to actually go in).  
 

Symptoms I attribute to withdrawal:  panic, terror, hyper vigilance, lack of appetite (difficulty eating even when hungry), agoraphobia, head-buzzing, random memories, extremely tight neck (sometimes feeling like my throat is closing up), shoulders, pelvic floor tension(?), major health anxiety, lack of interest in doing anything, and gosh, I know I’m leaving some out.  Sometimes dizziness, unsteadiness.  
 

I feel like there are others here going through way harder time.  I think my main symptom is just being scared much of the time:  working on finding that sense of inner safety.  
 

I walk most days and can’t exercise vigorously right now cause it gets me anxious.  
 

Thanks for being there.  I gotta donate. 
Cathy

[Altostrata]

Sometimes it takes a big portion of greens every day!

 

Don't push yourself on exercise, just do as much as you can do.

 

How often do you take Klonopin? What time of day do you take Zoloft? How's your sleep? Please include in daily notes.

 

That Klonopin in the morning may be causing the increase in symptoms about 4 p.m., att @Shep Please post at least 24 hours of daily notes each day.

[Cathy4]

Thank you, @Altostrata.  Okay, more leafy greens are in order, then.  Yes I wonder that about the klonopin!!!  
 

12/25

5:30am: awake, still rattled & anxious from last night’s awful nausea and stomach pain.  Feel physically okay at the moment.  
 

6:00am: unload dishwasher, feed Henrietta, think about if I will feel okay eating breakfast or if it will cause more distress.  

 

6:30am:  take 37.5mcg levothyroxine.  Cook bacon, scrambled eggs, collard greens.  Take few spoonfuls of potato-leek soup from night before.  Soup seems okay for stomach.  
 

7:00am:  take 67.5mgai zoloft with a little more soup.  Very hungry but hesitant to eat too much.  Let other breakfast sit for awhile (I can see how much I’m obsessing about food/eating).

 

8:00am:  attempt to eat some of the egg, bacon, collard greens.  Get a few bites down.  Leave rest for later.  
 

9:00am:  a little pelvic pain resurfaces, a little burning with urination.  Feeling of fullness in bowels.  Keep running to bathroom thinking b.m. might come but it doesn’t.
 

9:30am:  tired from not sleeping too much, lay on heating pad and listen to Baylissa Frederick meditation Kernol turned me onto.  Doze off a bit and have brief window of peace.  
 

10:45am:  take shower, warm water feels good on back, abdomen.  Thinking I should walk in the woods but very tired/fatigued.  
 

11:00am:  sat at counter and made card for good friend.  The drawing helps take mind off anxiety/symptoms, but pelvic pain (more on right side) persists.  Keep hot pack on it and take daily .25mg klonopin hoping this will stave off evening anxiety.  (Have been taking it at 9am).

 

1:00pm:  finish rest of breakfast and have celery w/almond butter.  Peel beets for dinner.  Worry about pelvic pain and urination issues again so try to work up courage to go to urgent care to get checked for uti.  Been to urgent care the 3 days prior but too afraid to go in for fear of panic, dying, etc. (phobia of doctors, hospitals)

 

2:30pm:  drive to urgent care and put tiny case of klonopin in pocket just to know it’s there.  Wonder if I’ll actually go in this time???  
 

2:45pm:  freaking out in waiting room.  Try alternate nostril breathing, tell receptionist I’m going through psychiatric drug withdrawals.  She offers to refund me if I run out.  I consider leaving every second.  
 

3:10pm:  finally nurse comes.  I describe all symptoms:  constipation, low back pain, pelvic pain, frequent urge to urinate, sometimes burning with urination, not all symptoms come at once, they seem to circulate.  Give urine sample.  No uti, a little blood in urine.  Sent off for culture.  Pelvic exam, too.  Dr. says all symptoms could be due to constipation, or tiny kidney stone.  Gives me referrals to obgyn, gastroenterologist, and prescription for stool softener.  
 

5:00pm:  trying to calm down from dr. visit.  Very anxious entire time I was there.  Lots of fear about being ill, losing physical health.  Text sister about dr. visit.  
 

6:00pm:  eat small salad, beets, asparagus.  Let that settle, and talk with mother who has had too much alcohol.  
 

6:30pm:  clean up kitchen, feed Henrietta, eat almond butter and banana.  Bite of turkey doesn’t taste good.  Worried whether stomach pain will come.  
 

7:00pm:  call therapist, no answer.  
7:30pm:  give short Feldenkrais session to mother.  
 

8:20pm:  prepare for bed.  Stomach pain plus intense hunger comes.  Bad gas continues.  
 

8:30pm:  scared about stomach pain, able to have deer-pellet-sized b.m.  (better than nothing(?)).  
 

9:00pm:  therapist calls and says sorry I’m going through hell.  I ask how I can not be so afraid all the time.  Brief conversation about limbic system, amygdala, ensues.  I don’t feel any better or comforted.  Worry more about stomach pain.  Listen to more meditation, hold hot pack to stomach.  Keep getting up to urinate.  No burning now.  
 

10:30pm:  fall asleep in midst of random dream memories, but no scary faces flashing before me tonight.  

 

[Altostrata]

You didn't have the afternoon anxiety surge?

 

Drinking several glasses of water at once when you get up may help the constipation.

 

If you had a kidney stone, that could explain a lot of your pain. Or, you might have an ovarian cyst, or both.

 

Henrietta sounds like a love. Pics?

 

 

[Cathy4]

Ha!  She is, Alto and she’s a very strange girl!!!  Only two teeth.

[Cathy4]

No huge anxiety surge except for the one brought on by being in dr. office.  
 

I will drink several glasses upon waking.  And yes, I can get checked for a cyst, too.  
Thank you.  
 

Henrietta was on gabapentin for a little while but I don’t think her withdrawals were too bad.  

[Kernol]

17 minutes ago, Cathy4 said:

Ha!  She is, Alto and she’s a very strange girl!!!  Only two teeth.

ahhh @Cathy4 she’s a gorgeous girl. 
 

she could be Charlie’s girlfriend although think he is a bit old for her 

[Cathy4]

HahahHahaha!!!

 

Now this brightened my day considerably!!!  Charlie is indeed very handsome!!!  Thank you, @Kernol!!!

[Cathy4]

12/26

7:00am:  awoke with terror, took 37.5mg levothyroxine.  
 

7:30  managed to make breakfast, ate some, took 67.5mgai zoloft

 

8:00  took .25 klonopin, sat in bed waiting for world to seem less scary, breathed, looked at trees out window (everything still upright, good), texted good friend to keep me company during fearful time.  
 

9:00  drank lots of water, still feeling very afraid.  Brain’s brake just not functioning.  Still texting w/friend.

 

9:30-10:30  cried & cried (probably good release), back pain returned like someone squeezing my low back, put heating pad on, tension or whatever it is spread up to shoulder blades.  Turned onto my belly which helped a little.

 

11:00  terror subsides, anxiety still there but nothing like a.m. 

posted yesterday’s events on forum, tried to be as gentle as possible with myself for not having a “productive” day.

 

12:30  back pain dissolves, eat rx bar and drink protein powder (still hiding in bedroom)

 

2:00  potato leek soup, cassava chips, and Beechers cheese in belly.  Look for Henrietta but she is also in hiding because noisy nephew is present.  
 

2:30  find Henrietta and carry her to bedroom.  Lay down for short nap but too agitated plus scary thoughts/images bombard me. 
 

3:30  take the plunge and go for short walk in neighborhood.  See other humans doing human activities and feel slightly less like a withdrawal-zombie.  
 

5:00  eat a little tuna, do a few chores, play wand w/Henrietta.  Heart palpitations.

 

5:30  Anxiety spikes and neck muscles get so tight feels like throat closing up.  Go to room, breathe, place hands on clavicles.  
 

5:45  neck muscles don’t yield, try to change channel by listening to music and working on a little choreography in front of mirror.  Tad bit of relief.

 

6:30  throat tension better.  
6:45  throat tension Act 2

 

7:00  feel very angry & again consider building withdrawal monster out of cardboard to be destroyed by fire or baseball bat.  Need more cardboard.  Heart palpitations.  

7:30  manage a few bites of chicken and small salad.  Want to eat more but fear last night’s stomach pain.  Let food settle.  
 

8:00  brush Henrietta by gas fireplace.  She attempts to clean me while I brush her and I continue to politely decline.  
 

8:30  few more bites of chicken.  Heart palpitations.  Heat up hot packs in microwave for bed.  Clean litter box and realize I haven’t obsessed about hospitals & doctors & health in two hours.  Good.  
 

9:00  in bed, texting sister.  Shoulders extremely tight which makes me feel a bit like I’m on a ship at sea.  
 

9:30  listen to meditation and lights out.  

[Erell]

Hi dear Cathy, 

 

I don't see it in your diary : have you start to try evening primrose oil?

 

Thinking of you ❤️

[Cathy4]

8 hours ago, Erell said:

I don't see it in your diary : have you start to try evening primrose oil?

Hi Dear Erell, 

Yes, I started it on 12/15 but need to update supplements in my signature.  I haven't yet noticed a difference and I feel like the wave I am in right now could be attributed to premenstrual(?).  I am not sure.  Maybe that's why all the heart palpitations, which I have gotten before my period in the past.  

Thank you, Erell, hope you are doing well.  Hug to you.

🙂 Cathy

 

[Cathy4]

12/26 continued:

 

10:15pm:  frequent urge to urinate but no burning during the 3 bathroom visits.  One time experienced sudden drop (as if in elevator) and almost fell into wall next to toilet.  Then dizzy.

 

10:30pm:  sat up in bed with another meditation and lights on to make sure room wouldn’t spin.

 

12/27

3:00am:  woke up ravenous, eat few bites of energy bar, heart palpitations, tell myself I’m healing and going to be okay, try and release tight pelvic floor muscles.

 

8:00am:  pleasantly surprised to have fallen back to sleep and slept til 8.  Usually sweaty, chug tons of water, take 37.5mcg levothyroxine, lie in bed for 20 more minutes recalling dream where I was searching and searching for granola and wheat products.  
 

9:00am:  eat small breakfast w/lots of spinach.  Take 67.5mg zoloft.  Empty dishwasher, notice pelvic floor still contracted.  Thinking this might be a better day.

 

10:00am:  heart palps, a little dizziness/unsteadiness, shoulder tension, take .25mg klonopin, pay some bills online.

 

11:00am:  journal by light box, reply to emails, strip bed & put sheets in wash.  Feel clearer-headed than yesterday.  
 

12:00pm:  soup, little cheese, tasted okay & felt okay to eat.  
 

1:00-2:00pm:  made another card for a friend, heart palps, listen to Peter Breggin podcast.  
 

2:00pm:  small b.m.  make bed
3:00pm:  nap/rest, able to actually relax a little.  
 

4:15pm:  sweep kitchen floor, play with Henrietta.  
 

5:00pm:  mom wants Mexican food and for me to pick it up.  I tell her I think I feel well enough to go but hopefully won’t die while I’m out.  Surprisingly successful trip with a few heart palps.

 

5:45pm:  begin to feel stomach pain return, uh-oh.  Stop eating, decide to walk around neighborhood to see Christmas lights, hopefully get mind off pain.
 

7:00pm:  stomach pain still present and has gotten worse, like someone squeezing my digestive tract or like everything cramping, seizing up (this is 3rd time this week this has happened—every time at night).  Burping, feeling like some gas or something is just sitting in there.  
 

7:30pm:  take shower, tell myself stomach/abdominal pain will pass, just a matter of time.  It passed on 12/24, it will pass tonight.  Try and concentrate on feeling the warm water on my skin.  
 

8:00pm:  sit on bed with heating pad on abdomen, repeating in a whisper “I’m healing, I’m gonna make it through to recovery” over & over again.  I tell myself I’m not alone because of this forum.  
 

8:30pm:  Still telling myself I’m going to be okay.  Pain lessens slightly, mouth watering.  It’s like being really hungry and having stomach cramps at the same time.  Weird.  Try to relax my facial muscles and take deep breaths, increasing exhalation.  

 

 

[Cathy4]

12/27 continued: 

9:30pm:  pain moves to sides and low back, I text therapist angry text about myself and so many others being sick from these drugs:  drugs he urged me to go on 20 years ago.  
 

10:00pm:  watch Tom Daley videos to try and distract, get mind off pain.  Cry and cry, another good release.  Lay in bed & try to fall asleep/calm down.  
 

11:00pm:  finally calmer and able to fall asleep around 11:30.

 

12/28

7:45am:  wake with anxiety, how to get through another day and will I be able to eat.  Faint back pain, bowels feel full.  Take 37.5mcg levothyroxine, drink lots of water.  
 

8:30am:  keep drinking more water with powder probiotic in it, eat half banana and sweet potato purée.  
 

9:00am:  take 67.5mgai zoloft.  Gut feels like it’s trying to move stuff through.  Keep having false alarms to go to bathroom.  It’s as if my digestive system is not quite getting the memo, but there’s always a sensation of fullness in my rectum.  
 

10:00am:  take .25mg klonopin.  Wonder if digestion/gut issues are side effect from klonopin because all the low back pain, pelvic floor tension, urination issues, digestion issues started roughly a month after I had been on klonopin daily.  Head-buzzing, heart palps.
 

11:00am:  pace in room and email/text  friends, therapist.  Therapist asks if withdrawal doctors exist.  I say “no, as I’ve told you many times before, withdrawal is not recognized here, and besides, moderators on the forum know more.”  (But in nicer language).  
 

12:00pm ate some corn chips, not hungry.  Played tennis ball with Henrietta, did some stair-stepping to try and stay active.  Drank lots more water.  Heart palpitations.  Left side of face feels a bit numb at times, haven’t had that one before.  
 

1:00pm:  monthly period trying to start, reassurance that maybe the hormonal changes have made for a hellish past 9 days.  How do people do this in withdrawal every month?  Should I take more EPO?  
 

1:30pm:  lie on heating and breathe, taking in the quiet.  If I do die I will plan to return as a demon and haunt psychiatrists so they’ll suffer.  

 

[Cathy4]

12/27 continued: 

9:30pm:  pain moves to sides and low back, I text therapist angry text about myself and so many others being sick from these drugs:  drugs he urged me to go on 20 years ago.  
 

10:00pm:  watch Tom Daley videos to try and distract, get mind off pain.  Cry and cry, another good release.  Lay in bed & try to fall asleep/calm down.  
 

11:00pm:  finally calmer and able to fall asleep around 11:30.

 

12/28

7:45am:  wake with anxiety, how to get through another day and will I be able to eat.  Faint back pain, bowels feel full.  Take 37.5mcg levothyroxine, drink lots of water.  
 

8:30am:  keep drinking more water with powder probiotic in it, eat half banana and sweet potato purée.  
 

9:00am:  take 67.5mgai zoloft.  Gut feels like it’s trying to move stuff through.  Keep having false alarms to go to bathroom.  It’s as if my digestive system is not quite getting the memo, but there’s always a sensation of fullness in my rectum.  
 

10:00am:  take .25mg klonopin.  Wonder if digestion/gut issues are side effect from klonopin because all the low back pain, pelvic floor tension, urination issues, digestion issues started roughly a month after I had been on klonopin daily.  Head-buzzing, heart palps.
 

11:00am:  pace in room and email/text  friends, therapist.  Therapist asks if withdrawal doctors exist.  I say “no, as I’ve told you many times before, withdrawal is not recognized here, and besides, moderators on the forum know more.”  (But in nicer language).  
 

12:00pm ate some corn chips, not hungry.  Played tennis ball with Henrietta, did some stair-stepping to try and stay active.  Drank lots more water.  Heart palpitations.  Left side of face feels a bit numb at times, haven’t had that one before.  
 

1:00pm:  monthly period trying to start, reassurance that maybe the hormonal changes have made for a hellish past 9 days.  How do people do this in withdrawal every month?  Should I take more EPO?  
 

1:30pm:  lie on heating and breathe, taking in the quiet.  If I do die I will plan to return as a demon and haunt psychiatrists so they’ll suffer.  

2:00pm:  b.m. (Slightly larger than yesterday), now feel like eating a little potato soup.  
 

2:30-5:30pm:  strong neuroemotions (rage, anger), feel very lonely/isolated, head-buzzing left side, heart palpitations pick up, try to do a bit more choreography and change channel by listening to music, brushed Henrietta, cleaned up kitchen, emptied recycling

 

6:00pm:  try and eat a little dinner, watch a little college football until advertisements become too stimulating.  Heart palpitations, unsteadiness/slight dizziness.  
 

7:30pm:  very short walk to get blood moving, felt like an empty vessel (didn’t bother tying shoes)

 

8:00pm:  sat at counter but feeling of things moving/swaying scared me so went to room.  Force-fed myself a few more bites of dinner because beneath the symptoms, there is hunger.  
 

8:30pm:  tight tight shoulders and dizzy/unsteady, hoping it will pass soon, hoping everything is from withdrawal and hormones and it will all pass.  Very bad gas again

 

9:00pm:  sit upright in bed, waiting for things to become a bit more stable, focus on breath, tired of being scared.  It will be so nice not to feel so scared most of the time.
 

*it seems like there’s been an uptick in symptoms the last couple days, esp. heart palpitations, dizziness, head-buzzing.  Possibly due to pms maybe.  Also, no pelvic pain or burning with urination the past couple days.  Weird & yay.   

 

[Cathy4]

Shoot I posted part of that twice, sorry.  

[Cathy4]

12/28 continued:

10pm  trouble falling asleep, heart palpitations & swaying sensation

 

11pm-6:30am  restless sleep but okay

 

12/29

8am  37.5mg levothyroxine, lots of water

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline w/small breakfast, clean up kitchen, unsteadiness but not so much dizziness, heart palpitations.

 

10am  .25 klonopin, head-buzzing and numbness in face, do some slow stretching, answer texts & emails, morning b.m.(!), do meditation

 

11:30am  play with nephew & stuffed monkey, unsteadiness continues, think & wonder whether levothyroxine is responsible for heart palpitations.  
 

12pm  fix healthy smoothie, more scrambled eggs.  Easier to eat today (so far)

 

2:30pm  walk around neighborhood to get mind off symptoms.  Semi-pleasant walk in sun.  Tired so don’t go far.

 

4pm  unload dishwasher, make salads, heart palpitations.  
 

5:30pm  eat a bit, chest tension, heart palpitations, anxiety, try and watch Sunday night football standing up

 

7pm  anxiety increases and really growing tired of heart palpitations.  
 

7:30pm  shower

8:30pm  more swaying, chest & shoulder tension pretty extreme, do some breathing in room.

 

9pm  eat a little night protein, play wand with Henrietta, can’t move head too fast or lose balance, period still trying to start.

 

*I seem to definitely be having an increase in late afternoon/early evening anxiety (even night time anxiety)

 

[Erell]

Hi Cathy, 

 

I kow how this constant anxiety is hard to bear. 

Have you ever tried to practice some mindfullness?

Hang on, things will get better ❤️

 

[Cathy4]

12 hours ago, Erell said:

Have you ever tried to practice some mindfullness?

Thank you, Erell.  Yes, I have been doing some meditation at night and in morning.  I work on just focusing on my breath.  
I appreciate you being there. ❤️
Cathy

[Cathy4]

12/29 continued

11pm-4am:  sleep, wake up dizzy, pelvic cramps, sit propped up in bed for quite awhile, repeat healing mantras and breathe.  Grab banana & energy bar
 

12/30

9am:  take levothyroxine, lay in bed and feel the dizziness & head-buzzing, very hungry but nauseous too.  Period starts.

 

10am:  don’t feel well enough to go upstairs, wait for things to settle a bit, take .25mg klonopin, know schedule is a bit off—need to take zoloft 

 

11am:  take zoloft with eggs & greens, still unsteady, head-buzzing

 

12pm:  sit in chair upstairs & email friends, watch sky & clouds out window.  Looking forward to being more active, unsteadiness yields some

 

2:30pm:  lay on bed for a bit.  Feel like I’m in this weird surreal cocoon and my world has gotten so small.  
 

3pm:  eat a wheat-containing meal, but so hungry I let myself off the hook.  Need to get to store soon, planning to have more back-up in order to ride out these waves

 

4:30pm:  email friend, sweep kitchen floor, play a little with Henrietta.  
 

6pm:  watch a little college football, shoulders begin to creep up, more dizzy/unsteadiness.  
 

7pm:  epsom salt bath, light candle

 

8pm:  entire head buzzing, swaying feeling comes & goes, make sure Henrietta has enough food/water, clean litter box

 

9pm:  lay in bed, prepare for deep breathing & meditation, continue to bring focus back to present.  (Still feel like a weird zombie though)

 

*no heart palpitations today.  Not a single one.  

 

 

[Cathy4]

12/31:  This mid-morning I had that sensation like I’m falling, like a sudden drop as if on an elevator and it drops a floor or half a floor.  I crouched down and gripped my water glass tightly.  This is “normal,” right? (In withdrawal).  I’ve not had this before, nor have I had consistent unsteadiness/dizziness.  I suppose brain is trying to repair equilibrium?  

[Cathy4]

12/31

3am—5:30am awake, eat energy bar, lay awake in bed, finally get a tad more sleep

 

8am  take 37.5mcg levothyroxine & drink water

 

9am  67.5mgai zoloft, breakfast, meditation by light box

 

10am  .25mg klonopin

 

11am  dropping/falling sensation I described in above post.  Swaying sensation & slight dizziness 

 

12pm  sit & read about withdrawal, wait for symptoms to subside so can go get zoloft at pharmacy 

 

1pm  phone call w/friend, lie on heating pad, try to accept current limitations, eat some tuna w/spinach (stomach & gut seem to be receiving food alright)

 

2:30pm   feeling more steady, decide to drive to pharmacy on back roads.  Pick up zoloft & deodorant, okay to be out—anxiety picks up a little bit

 

3pm  go to nearby store to find leeks & potatoes and cat food.  Maybe pushing it a little, but escape from store unscathed

 

4:30pm  eat chocolate, walk in neighborhood, rainy & windy, blood sugar drop

 

6:00pm  eat some dinner, chores

7:00pm  epsom salt bath, upper back pain (muscle tension?)

 

8:00pm  swaying feeling returns, cut, file, and weight more zoloft, some anxiety

9:30pm   In bed with hot pack & heating pad, feel accomplished for going out, thinking maybe things are getting better, watch a couple short videos before meditation 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

15 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

12/31:  This mid-morning I had that sensation like I’m falling, like a sudden drop as if on an elevator and it drops a floor or half a floor.  I crouched down and gripped my water glass tightly.  This is “normal,” right? (In withdrawal).  I’ve not had this before, nor have I had consistent unsteadiness/dizziness.  I suppose brain is trying to repair equilibrium?  

I also had these weird feelings last month, and also feelings like if I was about To faint.

It Will go away,  as other symptoms.

I suppose everything is normal in WD!

 

I wish you a year of healing dear Cathy ❤

 

[Cathy4]

16 hours ago, Erell said:

I also had these weird feelings last month, and also feelings like if I was about To faint.

It Will go away,  as other symptoms.

I suppose everything is normal in WD!

Thank you so much, @Erell.  Yes, I was also feeling as though I might faint!  I appreciate the reassurance, and I wish you the same:  2020 filled with healing. ❤️

[Cathy4]

1/1/2020

12am-1:30am  awake, very restless, almost like akathisia I had  in xanax withdrawal

3:30am-5am  awake

 

8:30am   20mcg levothyroxine & water, feeling a bit anxious about the New Year

 

9am  spot of breakfast w/67.5mgai sertraline 

 

10am  quiet mind by chopping & peeling lots of vegetables, making potato-leek soup.  Swaying sensation

.25mg klonopin 

 

12pm  cog-fog (been having some of this but more pronounced today), continue cooking & pretend on a boat, other chores + clean-up

 

1pm  a little tuna, smoothie, play w/nephew as much as can tolerate

 

2:45-3:45pm  rest in room w/Henrietta, breathe & read more on SA site

 

4pm  eat a little dinner w/family.  Difficulty eating with people still, feel much more comfortable eating alone

 

5pm  take bins to road, a little longer walk around ‘hood to see lights, cog-fog has cleared a bit

 

6:30pm  clean up kitchen, don’t notice typical pm anxiety surge

 

7pm  make mocha fudge (but don’t eat), unsteadiness picks up a bit

8pm  epsom salt bath

9pm  watch college football 

9:30pm  night protein 

10pm  in bed/listen to meditation 

 

*much better day, so grateful for relief

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/2

8am  20mcg levothyroxine & water, slept better, better than in the past 12 nights, pelvic floor tight

 

9am  67.5mgai zoloft & breakfast 

10am  .25mg klonopin, spoke w/withdrawal friend on phone

 

11am  feeling okay so started cleaning house, laundry, took down some Christmas lights, ate some chocolate

 

1pm  small lunch, still feeling okay (bit fatigued)

2:30pm  lay down to rest w/Henrietta.  
 

4pm  finish a few tasks, listen to sports radio

 

5:30pm  dinner, definitely feel increase in anxiety, a bit of swaying/unsteadiness 

 

6pm  short walk

7pm  shower, play w/Henrietta 

8pm  surge in anxiety when more of the elevator dropping feeling comes, really don’t like this symptom, creates more fear than other symptoms, shoulders now very tight

 

8:30pm  friend stops by so I can give her card, sip magnesium, still scared, she sits with me for a few minutes but I still feel very afraid.  Head-buzzing + dizziness 

 

9pm  sitting in bed, waiting to settle down a bit, prepare to do meditation 

[Cathy4]

1/3

7:30am:  wake, slept fairly well with one wake-up 

8am:  levothyroxine 20mcg, water, sit by light box, head-buzzing begins

 

9am:  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, unsteadiness + head-buzzing (full head, not just left side)

 

10am:  .25mg klonopin, sit & wait for things to settle a bit

 

11am:  decide to proceed with minor yard clean-up despite equilibrium issues

 

1pm:  bite of lunch, iron (trying a little lunchtime iron, concerned w/lack of energy)

 

3pm:  extreme fatigue, lay down on heating pad & actually fall asleep for a bit

 

4:30pm:  dinner prep, feel tired but okay

5:30pm:  eat, increase in anxiety

6:30pm:  walk (seems to give me a little boost)

8pm:  haircut & shower, then play w/Henrietta 

 

9pm:  prepare for bed, record notes for today

9:45pm:  meditation 

 

*I am noticing tiny windows where my real Self kind of peeks through.  They are fleeting (the windows), but it’s kind of like a glimpse into what life might be like.  Deeper emotions without the veil of the drugs.  
 

Spending a lot of time thinking about acceptance—life is kind of put on hold and it can be very frustrating when there’s very little I can do.  Some people in my life think this is about “will power” and that withdrawal from these drugs is trivial.  I’m trying to accept that as well, that unless someone is going through this firsthand, they may not understand how horrific it can be and how much damage the drugs can do.  

 

[Cathy4]

1/4

1:30am  wake in panic (bad dream?) able to finally fall back to sleep after self-talk

 

8:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline & breakfast, high anxiety

10am  .25mg klonopin

11am  Greg stopped by with tools, able to carry on short conversation with anxiety

 

12pm  walk in woods!!!  
1:30pm  play w/nephew

2pm  eat late lunch, contemplate starting to paint again

 

3pm  organize garage, listen to football

5pm epsom salt bath

6pm dinner

6:30pm  swaying, up & down feeling came back pretty strong, tried to just breathe through and continue doing chores, etc.  

(this bothered me til 8:15 or so)

 

9pm  in bed, ready for meditation

 

*better day again.  Morning is difficult for me these days but it seems once I get involved in a task/job sometimes that helps.  Evening is also a challenge.  I’d like to lower klonopin a little even though it’s a “brake.”  

[Shep]

10 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

*better day again.  Morning is difficult for me these days but it seems once I get involved in a task/job sometimes that helps.  Evening is also a challenge.  I’d like to lower klonopin a little even though it’s a “brake.”  

 

Cathy, how many hours are you sleeping at night?

 

Since you're taking Klonopin in the morning, are you able to go to sleep at night easily? 

 

Do you feel you may be going into Klonopin interdose withdrawal (withdrawal in between doses)? A good way to tell that is to see if your symptoms get better within about 30 minutes of taking your Klonopin dose. With the windows and waves of withdrawal, it still can be hard to tell. 

 

On 12/25/2019 at 5:25 PM, Cathy4 said:

All of this started after I started taking klonopin on a daily basis.  I looked up side effects of klonopin, and many of those were covered (though less common).  Do you think these symptoms could be attributed to klonopin usage?  

 

Sorry, I missed this earlier.  Was this November 15th? You have that date in your signature, but not sure if that's when you started taking .25 mg every day. 

 

Also, what date(s) have you reduced the Zoloft around that timeframe? This will help you know if some of the symptoms could be from daily Klonopin use, interdose withdrawal, and / or the Zoloft changes.