Cathy4: Zoloft withdrawal gone awry

[Cathy4]

Thank you, @Shep, I’m so appreciative of your response. 

8 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Cathy, how many hours are you sleeping at night?

About 7-8 hours when not in pms.

 

9 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Since you're taking Klonopin in the morning, are you able to go to sleep at night easily? 

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.  But typically I do fall asleep within an hour or hour & a half of going to bed.

 

10 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Do you feel you may be going into Klonopin interdose withdrawal (withdrawal in between doses)?

YESSSS.  This is similar to what I experienced with interdose withdrawal with xanax, so I *think* so.  Symptoms seem to improve after taking the klonopin, and then in the evening I get an almost guaranteed uptick, but then able to calm down enough to sleep.  
 

15 minutes ago, Shep said:

Sorry, I missed this earlier.  Was this November 15th? You have that date in your signature, but not sure if that's when you started taking .25 mg every day. 

Yes, November 15th I decreased daily klonopin from .375mg to .25mg (I know this was a larger cut  than recommend).  I felt the drop about 8 days later, and adjusted over a week or so.  

 

19 minutes ago, Shep said:

Also, what date(s) have you reduced the Zoloft around that timeframe?

November 1 was the last time I made any change to zoloft (lowered from 75mg to 67.5mgai)

 

I have my 60mg zoloft pills all ready to go, but have been holding indefinitely on the zoloft.  
 

Thank you, Shep

[Shep]

11 minutes ago, Cathy4 said:

YESSSS.  This is similar to what I experienced with interdose withdrawal with xanax, so I *think* so.  Symptoms seem to improve after taking the klonopin, and then in the evening I get an almost guaranteed uptick, but then able to calm down enough to sleep.

 

Since you mention dealing with this with Xanax, you may be already familiar with the best way to address interdose withdrawal, but just in case, here's some information.

 

The best way to move your dose is gradually - one hour per day. So you could divide your current .25 mg into two .125 mg doses and gradually move .125 mg one hour per day until it's in the evening. 

 

Klonopin's half-life is 18 - 50 hours, so you should be okay with twice-a-day dosing. 

 

13 minutes ago, Cathy4 said:

Yes, November 15th I decreased daily klonopin from .375mg to .25mg (I know this was a larger cut  than recommend).  I felt the drop about 8 days later, and adjusted over a week or so.  

 

15 minutes ago, Cathy4 said:

November 1 was the last time I made any change to zoloft (lowered from 75mg to 67.5mgai)

 

You may still be dealing with some withdrawal symptoms from this reduction, but with the changes to the Zoloft muddying the water, it's hard to say exactly what may be causing what. 

 

So spacing out the benzo to deal with interdose withdrawal may make you more comfortable. 

 

Please post your thoughts. 

[Cathy4]

10 minutes ago, Shep said:

You may still be dealing with some withdrawal symptoms from this reduction, but with the changes to the Zoloft muddying the water, it's hard to say exactly what may be causing what. 

Yes, @Shep, I concur.  
I began to reduce the klonopin to address some of its less-common side-effects which surfaced after I began daily klonopin in September.  
(had only taken it “as needed” in past).

 

13 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

So spacing out the benzo to deal with interdose withdrawal may make you more comfortable

I'd like to taper off klonopin now/soon, both because I will run out of a prescription soon and also  because of suspicion of side-effects.  Do you think this is a very silly/ill-fated idea?  

Yes, spacing the doses makes sense to me.  Yes, I will do that today.  Thank you.  

[Cathy4]

1/5

2:30am  awake, hungry, eat energy bar

 

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline & breakfast, feel tickle in throat and stuff in chest (cold maybe coming on)

 

10am  .125mg klonopin 

11am  .125mg klonopin, rest so don’t get sick, end up falling asleep

 

1:30pm  lunch, watch football

3:30pm  more organization work in garage, dusted off easel(!)

 

5:30pm  dinner, anxiety picks up a bit.  
6:00pm  take walk, run in to neighbor, anxiety plus unsteadiness 

 

7:30pm  shower, health anxiety because blood on toilet paper (from hemorrhoid maybe?)

 

8pm  take care of Henrietta, clean up clutter

9pm  in bed, meditation/breath work.  Chest & throat feel better

 

[Shep]

19 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

I'd like to taper off klonopin now/soon, both because I will run out of a prescription soon and also  because of suspicion of side-effects.  Do you think this is a very silly/ill-fated idea?  

Yes, spacing the doses makes sense to me.  Yes, I will do that today.  Thank you.  

 

Let's see how spacing out the doses works first. 

 

Is your doctor not wanting to continue prescribing? 

[Cathy4]

5 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Let's see how spacing out the doses works first. 

Okay, sounds good, @Shep.  Thank you.  
 

5 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Is your doctor not wanting to continue prescribing? 

Yes, so I must find a doctor who will.  My psychiatrist, who prescribed benzos liberally, retired and I don’t relish finding another psychiatrist.  
 

[Cathy4]

1/6

2:30am  awake, hungry, pelvic tightness, back to sleep eventually 

 

8am  20mcg levothyroxine 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, smoothie

10am  .125 mg klonopin, walk in woods!  Saw pileated woodpecker!

 

11am  short call w/therapist, talked about establishing routine

 

12pm  .125mg klonopin, lunch, peeled sweet potatoes for big batch of purée.  

1-2pm  a bit of swaying motion/balance stuff, kept working in kitchen 

 

3pm  symptoms better, head felt pretty clear 

 

4pm  put rest of Christmas stuff away, cleaned up easel, inventory of paint

 

5:30pm  dinner

6:30pm  short walk

7:30pm  shower, pelvic muscles and butt muscles very tight still, feeling of fullness again

 

8pm  played w/Henrietta

9pm  in bed, meditation 

 

*today has been better.  It is the first day in quite awhile where I felt mostly “normal” for a stretch of a few hours.  What a relief.  

 

 

 

[Shep]

18 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

Yes, so I must find a doctor who will.  My psychiatrist, who prescribed benzos liberally, retired and I don’t relish finding another psychiatrist.  
 

 

Please see:

 

Recommended doctors, therapists, and clinics

 

Mad in America Provider Directory

 

Even if all you can find is someone with a PhD (not an MD), it's worth a call to see if they know of any MD's in the area that their patients find helpful for tapering. You don't need a psychiatrist - anyone with an MD can prescribe these drugs. Many people on the forum find that GPs can be more helpful than psychiatrists. 

 

Tips on talking to doctors:

 

How to talk to a doctor about tapering and withdrawal? What to expect?

 

Withdrawal dialogues & encouragement

 

 

On 3/30/2015 at 4:57 PM, Lilu said:

Withdrawal Dialogues - Doctor's Visit Pt. 1 - typical

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iwZuvo_au1M

 

Withdrawal Dialogues - Doctor's Visit Pt. 2 - a keeper

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AF2vmb8XbHw

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

16 hours ago, Shep said:

Many people on the forum find that GPs can be more helpful than psychiatrists. 

Thank you for all this info, @Shep. Very much appreciated.  
Yes, I would much rather see a GP than a psychiatrist.  
Cathy

[Cathy4]

1/7

4am  nightmare caused a little panic, but able to calm down and return to sleep

 

8am  20mcg levothyroxine 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast

10am  .125mg klonopin, walk in woods w/friend.  Anxiety (just finding it very difficult to be around people right now, regardless of how “safe” they are)

 

12:30pm  another friend stops by for a few minutes, I feel overwhelmed/anxious but carry on conversation alright

 

1pm  .125 klonopin (which I totally forgot to take!!!), eat lunch, take bins to road

 

2-3pm  rest & benzo withdrawal meditation 

 

3-5:30pm  paint & listen to sports radio, definitely feeling anxious

 

6:30pm  dinner

7:00pm  short walk

8:00pm  take care of Henrietta, look at “to-do” list, have before-bed snack

9:00pm  in bed, meditation & deep breathing

[Cathy4]

1/8

8:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, weird bad dreams, but feel okay

 

9am  67.5mgai zoloft & breakfast

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, unload dishwasher

 

10:30am  walk in woods, faster pace today

12pm  vacuum & rearrange living room

 

1:30pm  lunch 

2pm  .125mg klonopin

 

3-5pm  paint

5:30pm  anxiety skyrockets during & after phone call with friend

 

6pm  try to calm down in room & eat protein in case anxiety due to blood sugar drop, talk w/brother about withdrawal on phone

 

7pm  epsom salt bath, feel a little better

8pm  some unsteadiness/balance stuff, sweep floor, make tea

 

9:15pm  in bed, meditation, ice knee, reflect upon day

 

*still feeling just overall weird much of the time, like life is very different and strange (hard to describe feeling).  Area around sacrum has been numb and still having extremely tight leg muscles plus pelvic floor

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/9

7:30am  wake up, slept better

8am  20mcg levothyroxine 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, gentle stretching (feel like leg muscles & lower abdominal muscles so tight)

 

10am  .125 klonopin, walk in woods, listen to podcast

 

11:30am  vacuum entire upstairs & part of downstairs, dreading going to see therapist but maybe it will help(?)

 

12:30pm  small lunch, head out to see therapist, symptoms & anxiety escalate during drive, just want to go back home

 

1:30pm  meet therapist in parking lot and tell him I just want to go home.  Take other .125 klon a little early.  Try and sit through therapy but feel very anxious and panicky.  Should’ve listened to myself and not scheduled this appointment.  Sitting with someone is stressful and too stressed to talk about stuff anyway.  I can’t take care of people anymore like I used to.  I have to take care of myself now and I’m learning how to do that.  
 

2:30pm  get home after leaving therapy early and still feel anxious, but less so.  Start painting & listening to sports radio.

 

6:30pm  dinner, feeling a bit unsteady (like not exactly dizzy but like things move a little)

 

7:30pm  talk w/sister on phone, shower

8pm  still that weird feeling of fullness in my rear, still really tight pelvic floor and feel like that entire section of me is inflated, larger than it really is.  Such weird sensations, like I can’t relax muscles and I’m trying to push something out.  Been driving me crazy the past few days but doing things to ignore/distract.  Is stuff like this “normal” in withdrawal?  
 

9pm  friend stops by with some food, good to see her.  
 

9:30pm  meditation & bedtime, worrying about how I left therapy and whether or not therapist will still be there for me.  Bad gas (for like 20th day in a row) and still strange sensations down there.  Ugh.  
 

[Cathy4]

1/10

3-5am  awake with lots of anxiety, some dizziness

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feeling anxious from bad dreams

10am  .125 klonopin, stretch near light box 

 

10:30am  walk

12pm  rest w/heating pad, answer emails, listen to meditation, sip water w/magnesium 

 

1:30pm  light lunch

2:30pm  painting & collage

5pm  hang mirror

6pm  dinner, feel a little anxious

7pm  short walk, then epsom salt bath

8pm  anxiety and dizziness, tight shoulders/neck

9pm  lay in bed, wait for things to settle, prepare for meditation 

 

*I’m going to be so grateful to be off of these drugs and feel normal again.  

 

[Erell]

Hi dear Cathy, 

 

I see you're still struggling with anxiety,, especially on mornings. 

Believe me, it will pass : during 3months I had awful cortisol spikes during nights and mornings, and even if anxiety is still there, it is now lower and very tolerable.

Thinking of you, and wishing you a lot of healing ❤️

[Cathy4]

12 hours ago, Erell said:

 

I see you're still struggling with anxiety,, especially on mornings. 

Yes, thank you, Erell.  Shep & I were trying to figure out whether some of it was due to interdose withdrawal from the clonazepam, but it’s hard to tell.  I’m having some better days lately with less anxiety, so that’s promising.  
 

I do hope you are doing well and thank you for your support.  HUG

Cathy 

[Cathy4]

1/11

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, frequent urge to urinate returned today, same feeling of pelvic tightness and like things are really big & out of proportion down there.  Really weird sensations.  

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline & breakfast 

10am  .125mg klonopin, head out in rain for walk (I’m finding getting outside once or twice a day helps me, so unless I’m feeling really bad, that’s my goal—walking)

 

11:30am  feel refreshed after walk, peel & cut parsnips, make guacamole, call friend 

 

1pm  nephew arrives, play a little with him, but makes the anxiety worse, unsteadiness, tight shoulders.  Retreat to room & eat lunch

 

2:30pm  collage & listen to football on radio

3:30pm  play a little more with nephew before he leaves, less anxiety this time

 

5pm  do a Feldenkrais lesson to see if that helps with tight pelvic muscles and strange sensations

 

7pm  dinner, watch football, play with Henrietta 

 

8pm  short stroll around neighborhood, more football-watching, clean up stuff, shower

 

9:30pm  feeling hopeful about healing.  Bed & meditation 

 

*this entire withdrawal experience is forcing me to change my thought patterns.  I can no longer get away with the negative self-talk I’ve lived with for years (my whole life?).  I’m learning to be kinder and more accepting of myself in a way I wasn’t capable of when numbed out and more depressed on the drugs.  

 

 

[Shep]

6 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

*this entire withdrawal experience is forcing me to change my thought patterns.  I can no longer get away with the negative self-talk I’ve lived with for years (my whole life?).  I’m learning to be kinder and more accepting of myself in a way I wasn’t capable of when numbed out and more depressed on the drugs.  

 

Very true, Cathy. So glad you're reaching this level of acceptance. 

 

I just noticed you went from .125 mg Klonopin twice a day on January 6 - 9, but since then, you've only got one .125 mg Klonopin dose listed in your daily journal. Please let us know where you're at with the Klonopin spacing. 

[Cathy4]

15 hours ago, Shep said:

just noticed you went from .125 mg Klonopin twice a day on January 6 - 9, but since then, you've only got one .125 mg Klonopin dose listed in your daily journal. Please let us know where you're at with the Klonopin spacing. 

Thanks, @Shep, yes, I think acceptance is coming for me.  
 

Yes, the last few days I only took .125mg klonopin for fear of running out.  I have a video consult with a GP tomorrow (Monday) and have requested klonopin.  I believe she will write me a new prescription.  

[Cathy4]

1/13

6:30am  wake up, slept alright, lay in bed and rest

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water 

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, still the same uncomfortable feeling that there’s something in my rear end (apologies for the graphic, I just don’t know how else to describe it), it just feels so tight in back & front.  
 

10am  .125mg klonopin, stretch a bit, listen to music & sing (trying to distract from the sensations below)

 

10:30am  walk in woods, symptoms not as magnified but still there.  Look for more cougar prints.  
 

12pm  read about PGAD and wonder if there’s a similar symptom but for rear, wonder if pelvic floor muscles are so contracted that it’s causing these sensations.  Hamstrings & calves have been very tight.

 

1pm  snack, lay on heating pad and doze off for a bit

 

3pm  watch football, stretch leg muscles again, bad gas—like something has died in there

 

5pm  paint, try and take mind off tension or whatever is going on down there

 

7pm  dinner, watch more football, very bad gas

 

8pm  take shower, a little bit of unsteadiness & feel like surfing while standing in shower

 

8:30pm  try not to worry about things feeling so tight, get on floor to stretch, put heating pad on low back hoping that will help

 

9pm  still not much relief, sip some magnesium and lay in bed, ready for meditation.  Hoping the discomfort will resolve soon.  More heat.  

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/13 (the real one)

7:30  wake up, it snowed(!), 20mcg levothyroxine & water, bowel feels full and gas, feel anxious and tired, regardless of decent sleep

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, smoothie, not much appetite.  Eventually have b.m. but the feeling of fullness doesn’t go away.

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, journal a bit, read a passage from Pema, feel weary of being in withdrawal (some days are just plain hard, aren’t they).  
 

11am  email with withdrawal friend for support, text therapist requesting phone call later

 

1pm  video-call w/dr.  She suggests progesterone for part of cycle...  I’m hesitant to ingest anymore pills.  I told her about increased pre-menstrual anxiety, heart palpitations, etc.  

She can’t prescribe klonopin but refers me to someone who can.  I describe gut/bowel issues and tell her it could be withdrawal.  She says maybe small intestine bacteria overgrowth.  
 

1:45  eat some tuna and soup, set out for walk on trail.  Feel less anxious and rear doesn’t feel as full.  
 

3:30pm  cut, file, weigh more sertraline.  Find small stash of surprise klonopin in backpack(!!!)

 

5pm  watch college football, play with Henrietta, do chores, talk to therapist on phone about symptoms and how to quell anxiety about symptoms.

 

6:30pm  dinner

 

7:30pm  short walk in cold.  Snow sky & roads becoming icy.  Walking is so helpful. 
 

8pm   Bowel fullness returns, gas, make ginger tea and sweep floor, a little bit of unsteadiness/ground moving feeling.  Just a little 

 

9pm  text w/brother who is having bad withdrawals from Effexor cold-turkey.  
 

9:45pm  record daily notes & prepare for meditation.  Another day of healing complete.  
 

 

 
 

 

[Shep]

On 1/12/2020 at 11:31 PM, Cathy4 said:

Yes, the last few days I only took .125mg klonopin for fear of running out.  I have a video consult with a GP tomorrow (Monday) and have requested klonopin.  I believe she will write me a new prescription.  

 

Please update your signature to reflect days when you changed your Klonopin dose. A direct link to your signature is here: 

 

Account Settings - Create or Update Your Signature

 

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

She can’t prescribe klonopin but refers me to someone who can. . . . 
 

. .  . Find small stash of surprise klonopin in backpack(!!!)

 

Will this be enough to get you through until you can see another prescriber? 

 

I'm very concerned that you've decreased the Klonopin by 50%, although it's completely understandable considering the circumstances. Since making abrupt changes to dosing can lead to kindling the nervous system, please make it a priority to get this sorted out so you can stay as stable and healthy as possible. 

[Cathy4]

3 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Will this be enough to get you through until you can see another prescriber? 

Yes, it definitely will, @Shep.  

 

3 hours ago, Shep said:

I'm very concerned that you've decreased the Klonopin by 50%, although it's completely understandable considering the circumstances. Since making abrupt changes to dosing can lead to kindling the nervous system, please make it a priority to get this sorted out so you can stay as stable and healthy as possible. 

Thanks, @Shep.  It’s completely my fault for not getting on top of this sooner (like December).  I should have gotten it sorted out much earlier.  I will.  My signature is now updated.  

[Cathy4]

1/14

(trouble falling asleep 1/13 b/c stomach cramps, gas, weird sensations in rear)

 

7:30am  wake up from weird dreams, 20mcg levothyroxine & water

 

9am   67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feeling alright—kind of energized, too, regardless of tension in rear and strange feeling

 

9:30am  hike in snow

10am     .125 klonopin

 

11:30am  schedule appt. w/RN to get more klonopin (next Wed), evacuate bowels and feel burning and irritation or tension afterwards—hard to describe.  Weird stuff.  
 

12pm  eat some lunch, wonder about diet, but been eating really clean since October, hardly any wheat, dairy, minimal processed foods.  Feels like gut is just trying to figure things out(?) or detox(?)

 

1-5pm  repair bed frame, move furniture, clean, around 2:30 notice some unsteadiness, “on the boat” feeling.  Lasts for half hour on & off.  Breathe and continue tasks, prep for dinner, bad gas

 

6:00pm  dinner, anxiety increases and prompts irrational health fears

 

7pm  epsom salt bath and self-talk, tight shoulders, neck, chest, bad gas, but getting used to it kinda

 

8pm  tired, watch a little YouTube in bed, headache comes on (rarely do I get headaches)

 

8:50pm  hungry again, eat pouch of nut butter, drink water, more gas.

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/15

6am  wake up to moonlight streaming through window.  Fall back to sleep for a bit

 

8am  20mcg levothyroxine & water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel okay, call friend back (some anxiety during conversation)

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, depart for walk in woods 

 

12pm  lunch, some online stuff, brainstorm more items to sell around house to make some money.  Feeling a bit down on myself today and wondering what my life will look like when I begin to feel a bit better.  Still didn’t go pick up progesterone prescription yet.  Just don’t want to take anymore pills right now! 
 

2:30pm  paint in garage while listening to sports radio, not too happy with how painting is turning out, need new direction

 

5pm  do part of Feldenkrais lesson, feel restless/agitated

 

5:45pm  short walk in wind, snow is melting 

 

6:30pm  dinner, anxiety goes up a little while eating (fears of any food causing gastrointestinal distress!)

 

7:30pm  shower, tend to Henrietta’s needs, a little bit of swaying/unsteadiness but not too much

 

8:30pm  snack, read more on this forum, still a bit unsteady feeling, bad gas returns(!)

 

9:15pm  realize that today was actually a day where symptoms were minimal.  Very encouraging.  Prepare for meditation.
 

*thinking about how to ease back into the world without being overwhelmed or pushing it too much.  It’d be great to be able to go to the store and not be so fearful of what symptoms might arise.  I’ll keep at it.  

[Cathy4]

1/16

8am  slept surprisingly well, 20mcg levothyroxine & water, notice pelvic pain/bladder(?) pain has returned

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, walk on trail, very pleasant morning, walk for a bit longer than usual.  Pelvic pain still there.

 

12pm  eat energy bar, head to store for a few items.  Repeat mantra in car “I am safe, I am healing”   Anxiety rises but able to make it through checkout line.  Return home on back roads.

 

1pm  eat lunch, put hot pack on abdomen.  Frequent urge to urinate yesterday & today 

 

1:30pm  make some liver detox tea

(my absolute favorite tea)

 

2:30pm  decide to take spare cat condo to Humane Society to donate.  A little anxiety + pelvic pain, but relatively painless errand

 

3pm  gather old wood for dump run (at some point), try and get mind off bladder/pelvic pain

 

4pm  paint & listen to radio

 

6pm  dinner, dishes, clean litter box, some feeling that the ground is moving a little

 

7pm  very short walk—too tired for walk, really.

 

7:30pm  dry-brushing + shower, ground moves again while in shower

8pm  try Feldenkrais lesson, but instead turn heating pad on to put on abdomen.  No need to keep pushing myself when my body says “please rest.”

 

8:30pm  in bed, heating pad, record daily notes, reflect upon day, Baylissa meditation 

 

*it is interesting how symptoms seem to morph or move to other parts of the body.  I’m assuming, since I just got tested for uti and had pelvic exam, that everything I’m experiencing is withdrawal-related.  I wonder how many other people have a symptom or a pain that parks itself in one area, but then 5-7 days later it morphs into something else.  

[Cathy4]

1/17

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, pelvic/bladder pain

 

9am  67.5mg sertraline, breakfast 

10am  .125 klonopin, walk (even though not really in the mood)

 

12pm  lunch, assist Mom in unloading groceries, pain is less

 

1pm  Feldenkrais lesson—much more freedom in left shoulder

 

2pm  rested w/Henrietta, feeling especially fatigued today

 

3pm  paint, listen to sports 

5pm  ate part of dinner.  Feeling like on a boat again, cold

 

6:30pm  still feeling like on a boat, talk with therapist on phone, pretty good conversation 

 

7pm  epsom salt bath, cog-fog and just very tired, perhaps hormonal shift coming on

 

8pm  clean up kitchen, sweep floor, litter box, still on a boat, sit by fireplace w/Henrietta 

 

8:45pm  small snack, in bed w/heating pad and ready for meditation 

 

[Erell]

On 1/17/2020 at 5:33 AM, Cathy4 said:

it is interesting how symptoms seem to morph or move to other parts of the body.  I’m assuming, since I just got tested for uti and had pelvic exam, that everything I’m experiencing is withdrawal-related.  I wonder how many other people have a symptom or a pain that parks itself in one area, but then 5-7 days later it morphs into something else.  

Not very normal, but normal in WD 😉

For example, I had awful pain in my right knee for 3 weeks, and one day it suddenly disappeared To reappear in my left knee...😏 then disappeared...and today it is in my fingers !

 

I ses you regularly practice méditation  : I think it is a wonderful tool which Will help us for all our lives ! 😊

 

Big hugs ❤

[Cathy4]

11 hours ago, Erell said:

 

Big hugs ❤

Thank you, @Erell,

Yes, you’re so right about meditation.  I should’ve started years ago!  Thanks for reassurance about the symptoms moving around.  So strange, isn’t it?

❤️Cathy

[Cathy4]

1/18

2:44am  wake up, much trouble returning to sleep, some anxiety

 

7:30am  groggy, out of it, 20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, cleaned bathrooms waiting for heavy rain to cease, bloating

 

10:30am  .125mg klonopin (a little late today, whoops), set out for brisk walk.  At one point on the trail, a trail I know very well, I looked down, then looked up and had no idea where I was—it only lasted a few seconds, but it was a very strong feeling of realization (I think)

 

12:30pm  healthy lunch, cog-fog, self-talk, looping song for the past few days—pretty constant

 

2:30pm  rest on heating pad, bloating, feel at “loose ends,” think about going to art store to get a couple canvases

 

3:30pm  drive to art store, anxiety escalates, go in but lines are long and very anxious so leave w/out canvases.  
 

5pm  make guacamole, overdo on Tabasco sauce, song looping constantly, fold clothes, another walk-short one.

 

7pm  shower, dinner

8pm   brush Henrietta, research gut stuff, song looping

 

9pm  in bed, happy that second half of the day went better than the first half, feel like I’m gaining a little tiny bit of momentum.  Everyday I tell myself I am healing. If I keep the concept of healing in the forefront, it seems to make whatever symptoms come easier to bear/tolerate.  Heal=to make whole.  I love that.  

 

 

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/19

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, lots of water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, light breakfast, walked w/friend on local trail.  First part of walk good, but anxiety spiked later & stomach hurt, had to separate from friend on way back.  
 

10am  .125mg klonopin

11am  played with nephew for quite awhile

 

12:30pm  lunch & watched football

2pm  another longer walk, feel okay, stomach stuff a little better

 

4pm  rest & watch a bit more football, bloating and burping

 

5:30pm  went to get Thai takeout, pleased that this outing did not cause too much anxiety 

 

7pm  epsom salt bath, then iced left knee, pleased that boat-feeling not present tonight

 

8pm  cleaned up kitchen, took care of Henrietta, sat by fireplace 

 

9pm  in bed, very tired probably because walked a lot today and socialized more than usual.  Ready for meditation and hopefully a good night’s sleep.  

[Cathy4]

1/20

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast 

 

10am  vacuum/clean entire upstairs, .125 klonopin

 

12pm  eat energy bar, note a lot of police activity in neighborhood.  Quick trip to store with self-checkout b/c self checkout is so much easier than standing in a line, some anxiety but made it through

 

1:30pm  head to trail, encounter police man on trail, trail closed.  Wonder if this has anything to do with strange noises we heard yesterday.  Walk to road paralleling trail, more police, crime scene tape, find out later they found a body off-trail, right where we heard noises/strange voices, lots of anxiety because I did see a body from the ridge when I went back yesterday afternoon.  
 

4pm  try and get mind off dead body in woods, peel sweet potatoes, make black bean brownies, still in shock about body

 

6:30pm  friend I walked with yesterday calls and says she has called police to give them our account.  Anxiety goes through the roof as I wait for detective to call me.  
7pm  speak with detective, jittery, nervous, paranoid.  
7:30pm  detective calls back, so anxious at this point I consider more klonopin but don’t take it.  
 

8pm  take epsom salt bath and try to calm down, no appetite 

9pm  pace upstairs and try to calm down.  Unsteadiness, agitated, scared, etc.  

10pm  still trying to calm down.  Text with friends and replay events of yesterday.  Friend wanted to investigate noises, I didn’t.  

[Cathy4]

1/21

2-5am  awake.  Restless, agitated, kept thinking of person in woods

 

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, head buzzing/tingly (lack of sleep definitely affecting how I feel today)

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, small breakfast, unsteadiness 

10am  .125mg klonopin, sit by light box, wait to feel a little better, replay events of yesterday

 

11am  unload farm box produce, clean up kitchen and clutter

 

12pm  rest—pelvic dull pain

1pm  walk even though tired

 

2:30pm  take bins to road, rest again, small lunch, dizzy/unsteady, realize shoulders very tight

 

3:30pm  paint

 

6:00pm  eat small dinner, stomach hurts afterwards, epsom salt bath

 

7pm  clean litter box, very tired.  
 

7:30pm  in bed, heating pad on stomach, text/email friends, listen to rain on roof

 

9pm  meditation, frequent urge to urinate.  Hopefully better sleep tonight.  

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/22

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, relieved to have had a better sleep!

 

9am  smoothie, eggs, prep for 9:30 phone appt.   a little anxious

 

9:30-10:15am  phone call, concentration alright, .125mg klonopin 

 

11am  ate rest of breakfast, did stuff online I’ve been putting off

 

12pm  walk in woods, very wet & no one else on trail

 

1:30pm  ate lunch, went through old paperwork, talked with Portland friend

 

3:30pm  paint, listen to radio, talk with friend 

 

5:30pm  brush & play w/Henrietta, feel pretty good, feel like some confidence is returning and fear is diminishing somewhat.  
 

6:30pm  dinner, weird muscle tension near sacrum returns, shower

 

8pm  clean up kitchen, sit by fire, some unsteadiness/dizziness, make ginger tea, sip some magnesium.

 

9:15pm  snack, in bed, ice on knee, heating pad on abdomen, today was a big leap as far as socializing goes:  easier to talk on phone 

[Cathy4]

1/23

3am  wake up, able to get back to sleep, but nightmares about Henrietta not being okay.  
 

8am  groggy, nightmares feel like they really happened, ugh.  20mcg levothyroxine, water, head buzzing

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, called and chatted with withdrawal buddy—good chat, tight muscles around sacrum and fullness in rectum again

 

10:15am  .125 mg klonopin, head-buzzing, long call with therapist, feel anxious and kind of like I could “lose control,” whatever that means.  Nightmares still haunting me

 

11:30am  walk on trail, no one on trail for 3rd day in row, feel tired

 

1pm  brush Henrietta, eat a small lunch, anxiety, wonder if my shifting state is due to hormonal changes that might be taking place, do large dishes and start dishwasher 

 

3pm  paint, bad gas

 

4:45pm  prep for dinner.  Unsteadiness, a bit dizzy, not at ease (anxious), clean litter and clean paint brushes

 

6pm  eat but have to take break b/c of anxiety and feel like can’t breathe very well.  Gas, full butt feeling

 

7pm  text with brother, another phone call with friend, feel anxious, tired

 

8pm  get in bed, heating pad, text friends, reply to emails, prepare for meditation and early bedtime.  

8:30pm  hungry, eat snack, think more about the body in the woods, plan to get flowers and put them near to the creek where she was.  

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/24

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, slept better last night after stomach pain & gas subsided

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, start load of laundry, walk in woods

 

10:30am  .125mg klonopin (took it a little late), stomach/abdominal pain

 

12pm  energy bar, cleared gutters for possible upcoming storms

 

1:30pm  light lunch, unloaded groceries, made bed, responded to texts & emails, feeling okay

 

3pm  cut & weighed klonopin for next couple months, listened to sports radio.  
 

5:30pm  cooked dinner, ate, cleaned up.  A bit of unsteadiness at 6:17pm but passed quickly.  Feeling of fullness in rear again and feeling like muscles are clenched, epsom salt bath

 

7pm  Feldenkrais lesson—relaxed neck & upper back

 

8pm  cleaned litter box, surprised not to have anxiety like last night (pleasantly surprised), bad gas, feel the need to eliminate but can’t, feeling of fullness persists

 

9pm  watch videos, read intro threads here, prepare for meditation in bed, grateful for a pretty good day of recovery
 

9:30pm  meditation

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/25

8am  awoke from weird anxiety dreams, 20mcg levothyroxine & water, ringing in ear

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel very fatigued & chilled, sit next to light box and then decide to rest on bed even though it’s morning.  Bloating, gas 

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, spent time on this forum, answered emails & texts (becoming more social again, that’s good) fullness in rear, tired of gut issues & wonder if they’ll sort themselves out.  Feel like a muscle is constantly contracted.  
 

11:30am  stirred crockpot chili, made another batch of black bean brownies, kinda trudging through day

 

1pm  ate light lunch

2pm  walk, even jogged for 5 minutes.  
 

3:30pm  painted a little, got chilled again, decided to take an early epsom salt bath—thought a lot about withdrawal in tub.  Stomachache.

 

7pm  tried to clean all the annoying little parts of the nutribullet thingy, worried about black spots on the rubber seal

 

8pm  looked over Breggin’s Guide to Psychiatric Drug Withdrawal, seems like sometimes he did some fast tapers, brushed Henrietta. 
 

8:30pm  a couple spoonfuls of coconut yogurt, then bed with heating pad.  Try to relax butt muscles or what is going on back there.  Super frustrated with bad gas, weird sensations, always feeling like I need to go, and bloating.  It must be the withdrawal-parasite(?).  Not a great day but still things to be grateful for.