Cathy4: Zoloft withdrawal gone awry

[Cathy4]

1/26

2am-5:30am  awake, runaway thoughts, anxiety, hungry so eat snack

 

8am  wake up from awful gruesome dream, 20mcg levothyroxine, water, stomach pain

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, groggy, foggy-head, tired

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, talk with withdrawal friend on phone, feeling  of fullness in bowels

 

11:30am  do part of a Feldenkrais lesson

 

12:30pm  eat small lunch, play with nephew, a little unsteadiness 

 

2pm  watch news about Kobe Bryant, feel in dream-like state (weird day today)

 

3:30pm  walk in neighborhood, shorter walk than normal, stomach pain again, feel discouraged about gastrointestinal stuff

 

7pm  small dinner, took some iron because period trying to start

sipped on magnesium after dinner, cleaned up kitchen, swept

 

8:30pm  friend came by for hug, good to see her

 

9:30pm  coconut yogurt, in bed, gonna listen to Baylissa meditation.  Stomach better, whew.  

 

[Erell]

Hi Cathy

 

I see less anxiety in your diaries , do you agree?

 

Big hugs ❤

[Cathy4]

16 hours ago, Erell said:

see less anxiety in your diaries , do you agree?

@Erell, 

You are correct!  And the funny thing was that until you mentioned it, I was not totally aware...  thank you for reminding me that I am improving.  
Hug to you,

Cathy

[Cathy4]

1/27

7:30am  slept better, ahhh.  20mcg levothyroxine, water, lay in bed for a few minutes to savor the better sleep

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, a little anxiety b/c manager wants me to stop by pool to help w/hot tub.  
 

10am  walk in woods, sun is out, feel a bit surreal, then realize I forgot to take .125mg klonopin until almost 11am.  
 

11:30am  anxiety kicks in about going to pool, brush Henrietta, empty garbage & yardwaste

 

12pm  head to pool, replace part on hot tub, get hot tub up and running, did pretty well considering the anxiety, monthly period starts

 

1pm  lunch, stomach okay, load up old pressure-treated wood to take to dumpster, drop off old clothes in donation bin, quick trip to drugstore to get toothpaste & tooth brush, did okay in drugstore

 

3pm  paint, listen to sports

4:30pm  snack: hard-boiled egg, cut up garlic for dinner, a bit chilled so take epsom salt bath

 

6:30pm  ate part of dinner, heartburn/chest tension & some anxiety, went to room and started Feldenkrais lesson to “change the channel.”

 

8pm  played w/Henrietta, ate a bit more dinner, some gas but not like the last few days, anxiety better

 

9:20pm  in bed, rain on roof, hot pack + heating pad, read some threads on this forum, refrain from evening chocolate.  Meditation soon.  

[Erell]

This winter, I have needed Sassenach many times To finally notice that I was improving 😘

[Cathy4]

1/28

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, very fatigued upon waking even though sleep was pretty good

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, weird sensations in rear are back, kind of feel like I’m growing a tail (wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world).  
 

10am  .125mg klonopin, lie on heating pad and wait for overpowering sensations to pass, read threads on this forum

 

12pm  small lunch, resigned to the fact that I need to rest today.  Went back down for more rest & heat, leg muscles also cramping a bit

 

3pm  friend arrived to give us estimate for painting living room, I sat in on meeting and was not too anxious

 

4pm  painted, listened to radio, chest tension arose, kept painting

 

7pm  anxiety, chest tension, a little heartburn, ate a bit of dinner (can’t wait until eating is a little easier and I don’t worry every time I ingest something that it will cause a gastrointestinal symptom! Argh!)

 

7:30pm  shower, did some dishes and had unsteadiness 

 

8pm  anxiety calmed down, played with Henrietta (searched for her yellow ball), told her how good she is

 

9pm  read more on SA, hoping to continue to spread awareness about psychiatric meds to friends & family (only two people really believe the medications could be causing this).  The feeling of growing a tail has returned 

 

9:30pm  read a bit more on this site, prepare for Baylissa meditation

 

*I seem to have adjusted alright from .25mg to .125mg klonopin.  This makes me hopeful.  I want to start tapering the zoloft in March if things keep going okay.  

 

 

[wantrelief]

Hi Cathy,

 

It is great you have had a decrease in anxiety - that must feel like such a relief!  Also great you adjusted to the lower dose of Klonopin and are feeling hopeful.  It seems like everything is headed in the right direction for you to be able to start your Zoloft taper in March!

 

Will be here rooting you on!

[Cathy4]

23 hours ago, wantrelief said:

 

 

It is great you have had a decrease in anxiety - that must feel like such a relief

Thank you @wantrelief, 

Yes, it definitely is—I almost hesitate to write or say anything because, well, you know how it is... fingers crossed.  😊

Thanks so very much for your support.  ❤️

Cathy
 

[Cathy4]

1/29

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast

 

9:30am  soggy walk in woods, felt a bit surreal, more weird sensations near sacrum and in rear.  Therapist thinks all these symptoms could be past trauma manifesting physically in different parts of body.

 

10am  .125mg klonopin

 

11:30am  energy bar, vacuumed & cleaned t.v. room & Henrietta’s condo.  Thinking ahead about making drops in zoloft and having some anticipatory anxiety.  
 

1pm  light lunch, more cleaning, a little unsteadiness, fullness in rear, pay bill online

 

2:30pm  talk on phone w/brother 

3pm  paint & listen to sports, putter in garage, Henrietta joins me

 

5:30pm  dinner, eat too many black bean chips, little bit of equilibrium issues (they seem to pop up out of nowhere in the afternoon/evening but then correct pretty quickly—it probably helps that I am freaking out a little less, too)

 

6:30pm  epsom salt bath

7:30pm  part of Feldenkrais lesson, weird deja-vu feeling with bizarre memory I can’t even remember now.  
 

8pm  play w/Henrietta & make ginger tea, bad gas, still strange sensations ugh, sip magnesium 

 

9pm  in bed, watch a YouTube video, prepare for meditation, lie on heating pad

 

 

[Cathy4]

1/30

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, didn’t want to get out of bed

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel really lethargic even though I slept.  Feel depressed, too

 

10am  .125mg klonopin, rest on couch (maybe overdid yesterday?)

 

11-2pm  didn’t do much, had a big drop in mood where I felt VERY down.  Not much appetite but had small lunch, short chat with therapist (it still really annoys me he thinks he knows about psych drugs)

 

3pm  wrote a couple letters, did some paperwork, felt bad

 

4pm  ordered some take-out dinner, able to go pick it up even though this caused anxiety 

 

6pm  still hungry so had some leftovers (haven’t been eating as much the past couple days)

 

6:30pm  short walk in rain

7:30pm  discuss paint colors for living room with mother

 

9pm  in bed, heating pad, still feeling pretty bad—haven’t had depression like this in at least a month, feeling overall frustration with life and discouraged about progress

[Cathy4]

1/31

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, feel dread when waking up

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, gear up for walk in wind/rain

10am  walk, stomach pain begins while on walk, take .125mg klonopin, stomachache continues throughout walk

 

11:30am  put heating pad on abdomen, wait for it to pass so I can possibly make a trip to Trader Joe’s for a few groceries.

 

12:30pm  still feel bad, lie down for rest, feel really bitter & angry about trusting therapist & psychiatrist in past, have violent thoughts and some weird memories of dreams from years ago

 

3pm  still no appetite, stomach feeling a little better, write letters to friends, make birthday card, sort through old paperwork, add to do-to list, drink lots of water, puzzle over gut issues

 

6:30pm  try a few bites of dinner, feel a bit defeated about not venturing out today, but really was feeling bad.  Play ball w/Henrietta & listen to wind & rain

 

7:30pm  stumble upon 10 silver dollars grandpa gave me, decide to clean them b/c they’re tarnished.  Bad gas starts up again.  
 

8:30pm  have a little more dinner, think of more things to sell/get rid of, look at possible paint colors for accent wall w/Mom

 

9pm  shower, pick Henrietta up (even though she doesn’t like it much), tell her how good she is

 

9:30pm   In bed, heating pad, no one understands this withdrawal stuff except you guys.  Frustrated with G.I. issues despite healthy diet.  Feels like my gut is just trying to figure things out or readjust somehow.  I hope it’s withdrawal—it has to be.  Looking forward to better days ahead.  

[Cathy4]

2/1

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, light breakfast, feel like gut is trying to work, digest

 

10am  .112mg klonopin, set out for walk, stomach pain, some intense anxiety like my focus has narrowed again and the world is far away from me

 

11:30am  more anger/grief about withdrawal and having agreed to take the medications in the first place, violent thoughts, fatigue at the same time, decide to rest and see if I get more energy

 

1:30pm  managed some tuna & cassava chips, hard to tell sometimes whether I’m hungry or not, stomachache there but faint

 

2:30pm  get in car to try & go to store, really not feeling good, so abort that mission, worried/afraid of something wrong with gut

 

4pm  clean up garage to try and take my mind off feelings and symptoms.  Work at this for awhile.  Helps a bit.  Text therapist, wish I had someone better.

 

6pm  able to eat a little dinner.  Feel hungry.

 

7:30pm  stomachache returns.  
8pm  watch a little tv—the screen & how fast the images change are too much, clean up kitchen instead

 

9pm  put clothes in dryer, heat hot pack in microwave to put on stomach/belly, text friend who works at Safeway and ask her to pick up a few things.  
 

*do other people have major gut problems withdrawal?  This isn’t uncommon, is it?  

 

 

[Erell]

11 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

*do other people have major gut problems withdrawal?  This isn’t uncommon, is it?  

No dear Cathy, it doesnt sound uncommon : I've read this a lot on SA.

Actually it sounds quite logical if you look at our guts as our second brain

 

Try To notice if some food aggravate it : for example, I rarely eat sugar or dairies.

 

Take care ❤

[Cathy4]

11 hours ago, Erell said:

Try To notice if some food aggravate it : for example, I rarely eat sugar or dairies.

Thank you, Erell.  You’re right, if I think of my gut as my second brain, this totally makes sense and eases my mind a bit.  You swooped in when I was at a really low point and helped pick me up.  Thank you, Erell.  I have not been eating dairy or gluten and hardly any processed foods.  Perhaps I should not have chocolate, either.  
Hug to you, Erell ❤️

[Cathy4]

2/2

8am  water, totally forgot thyroid med.

9am  cried & cried, felt hopeless, did have a little breakfast so could take 67.5mgai sertraline, cried more, folded some laundry.  The sun was actually out.  
 

10am  .112mg klonopin, Sister & nephew arrive, played with nephew a little bit but so rowdy and loud, had heart palpitations, felt untethered

 

11am   set out for walk in woods.  Sun out, a little more energy for walking today, ate hard-boiled egg on trail

 

12:30pm   chopped vegetables for soup, made guacamole, feeling a lot more stable at this point (much more so than yesterday), stomach doing okay, a little blood from rear, but not even after b.m.  Maybe hemorrhoid from last night(?)

 

2pm  painted a little, tried to just quiet mind with painting, butt feeling weird again

 

3:30pm  chilled, watched a little of Super Bowl, ads are too fast-paced, feel not grounded, low-blood sugar so grab snack

 

5pm  bath, need more epsom salt, got warmer at least

 

6:30pm  eat soup, goes down okay, stomach feels okay, yay.  Watch more football but take frequent breaks—just a lot of stimulation, clean up kitchen, tend to Henrietta who decided she didn’t like her food tonight

 

8pm  make ginger tea, some anxiety, get ready for bed, eat apple.

 

9pm  in bed, post daily notes, find new Baylissa meditation, grateful stomach not sour or acidic tonight, ignore call from therapist. 

 

 

[will351]

On 10/9/2019 at 1:47 AM, manymoretodays said:

of some further stability with that.  Klonopin has a much longer half life than Xanax does, and so generally speaking, only needs to be dosed daily.  Xanax most people take 3- 4 times a day.   I don't think it's a bad idea to perhaps stick with a 0.5 mg dose daily with the Klonopin now.  Same dose, same time of day.  It may be of value, in offsetting some of the severe WD(withdrawal) that set

Are you lowering the klonopin 

[Cathy4]

14 hours ago, will351 said:

Are you lowering the klonopin 

@will351, 

I’ve lowered it to .112mg, yes.  I know that it is not recommended to taper the benzo before the ssri.  The reason I’m doing this is because I have been having gut issues ever since I started the klonopin last October.  I’m wondering if the klonopin is affecting my gut, as I’ve never been on it on a daily basis for this amount of time.  The gut stuff could just be overall withdrawal, as Erell pointed out, but I’m trying to rule out benzo belly.  I could be making a mistake trying to lower it, but at this point I’m so uncomfortable with the gut problems that I’m willing to risk it.  

[Cathy4]

2/3

7:30am  awoke, drank water, low back discomfort, laid in bed with heating pad for little while

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel discombobulated.  Fullness in rectum is back, keep getting false alarms to go to bathroom

 

10am   .112mg klonopin, take call from pool manager & try to help with pump situation.  Helps to get mind off symptoms a little bit, take quick call from therapist, cry afterwards 

 

11:30am  decide to walk despite possibly needing to go to bathroom, head out on trail & listen to Peter Breggin podcast

 

1pm  help move stuff out of living room so painters can work, peel a few sweet potatoes & eat a little lunch, feel anxious/uneasy

 

3:30pm  do dishes, paint, listen to sports radio, concentrating on painting & fine details helps a bit, feel safer

6:30pm  eat some dinner, chest tension, unsteadiness, contemplate another walk

 

7:30pm  short walk, run into neighbors who are getting divorce, have awkward social interaction which reignites anxiety

 

8:30pm  shower, give Henrietta some attention

 

9pm  in bed, still anxious (been that kind of day!), prepare for meditation and focus on healing affirmations 

 

[Cathy4]

2/3 continued

 

2:27am   Wake up scared because stomach pain/cramping, burping, more gas.  Feel hungry yet sick at same time.  Put heating pad on abdomen.  Wish there were something to eat that sounded good and eased gut symptoms.  Gonna try packet of nut butter

[Cathy4]

2/4

8:30am  wake up after not sleeping well at all, feel tired, anxious, painters here making loud noises

 

9:30am  67.5mgai sertraline, tiny breakfast, light box, feel dread/depression

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, sit in room, listen to noise of painters.  Need to go get levothyroxine at some point today

 

11am  find Henrietta and bring her to room, rest and watch wet snow out window.  Feel very very down.  
 

1-3:30pm  spent a lot of time staring into space, contemplating life in withdrawal, feeling angry with therapist again, ate tuna fish

 

4pm  drive to drugstore to pick up levothyroxine & epsom salt.  Moderate anxiety, feel somewhat detached

 

4:30pm  painted w/palette knives, feel calmer and able to really focus on painting, thirsty but painters are spraying ceiling so I’m trapped in garage at my easel

 

5:30pm  Carry Henrietta upstairs because she’s afraid of plastic painters have put down.  She pees all over me out of fear.  Change all my clothes, feel bad for traumatizing her further.  
 

6pm  went to drive through to get fast-food.  Haven’t had fast food in 1.5 months but so frustrated with G.I. issues that I decide what the heck it doesn’t matter how healthy I eat—still have issues everyday.  So frustrated.  So frustrated.  
 

7:30pm  epsom salt bath

 

8:30pm  eat chocolate 

9pm   phone call with pool manager who has now put both her son & daughter on prozac and daughter having adverse reaction. I try to explain this but to no avail.  
 

9:30pm  Henrietta braves the plastic & joins me on bed.  Time for meditation.  
 

*didn't walk, didn’t eat well, trying to be gentle with myself, right when I thought I was becoming accepting of this process I’m back to anger & some bad depression.  

 

 

[Cathy4]

2/5  pretty bad day.  Didn’t post daily notes.  
 

2/6

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, went up to make a little breakfast before painters arrive

 

8:30am  67.5mgai sertraline, small breakfast, obsessed with going to store but have not been able to get myself there.  It’s become this huge monster in my head.  
 

9am  walk on trail, flooding w/all the steady rain, began to feel weird brain stuff going on, some derealization, repeated affirmations on trail, felt intense fear like everywhere unsafe

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, really don’t feel better after taking klonopin, decide to vacuum downstairs and do load of laundry

 

12pm  brain & head feel like throwing up, and strange intense restless  feeling from top of head to tips of toes:  akathisia of some sort.  Make salad & try to avoid talking to painters.  One asks questions and restless feeling grows

 

1:30pm  load goodwill into car, try and escape at my easel but feelings described above occupy my attention.  
 

2:30pm  very frustrated with not feeling like I’m able to go out, so decide to take load to goodwill.  Turn down wrong street for goodwill, anxiety rises.  Finally get there and drop load.  Contemplate stopping at store on way back but don’t stop.

 

4pm  walk-through with painter, anxious but try to hide it.  Pretend to inspect work but just want anxiety to calm down.

 

5pm  eat falafel wrap, vacuum, move furniture, hold paintings up to wall, mop hardwood floor (just trying to keep moving to distract myself)

 

7pm  salad w/chicken (eating more today, that’s good)

 

8pm  epsom salt bath.  Wondering if drinking magnesium is hurting stomach...  stopped yesterday to see

 

9pm  try & sell sewing machine on offer up.  
9:30pm  exhausted, in bed, daily notes, hopefully no hypnagogic hallucinations tonight.  Prepare for meditation.  

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

2/7

7:30am  awake, having slept better than the previous night, 20mcg levothyroxine & water

 

8:30am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast

9:30am  walk in greenbelt, windy & rainy, walk fast.  Some anxiety near end of walk, took .112mg klonopin at 10:30am while walking

 

11:30am  time to brave outside world & head to store.  Repeated affirmations while driving and as fears kept cropping up.  In store, powerful urge to drop basket & run out.  More self-talk.  Feel really scattered and like everyone knows how anxious I feel.  Movements, lights, noise all a bit too much.  Got a few things and went through self-checkout.  
 

1pm  light lunch, started working on sweet potato purée and putting house back together post-painting.

 

4pm  cut, filed, weighed zoloft for rest of February, also cut levothyroxine (not sure why I’m even still taking this.  Thyroid values were fine last May)

 

6pm  nephew over, too loud, also getting anxious b/c someone coming to get tiny light box I listed.  Anxiety rises as 7pm approaches.  So fearful for this interaction with harmless stranger.  
 

7:20pm  person finally arrives to pick up light box.  Anxiety lowers a bit after she leaves but it takes awhile.  
 

8pm  another walk.  Very windy & almost full moon, clouds racing past.  Feels good to walk after being anxious.  Walking makes me feel stronger & more in my body (most of the time)

 

9pm  shower, play with Henrietta

9:30pm eat rx bar, in bed, text good friend, prepare for meditation 

[Erell]

Hi dear Cathy,

 

I'm just stopping by To say hello and To tell you that I'm thinking of you ❤

How do you Feel these days ?

[Cathy4]

20 hours ago, Erell said:

 

I'm just stopping by To say hello and To tell you that I'm thinking of you ❤

How do you Feel these days ?

Hello dear @Erell

I am okay.  Some days I have a few hours where I feel okay, not many symptoms.  Other days are very hard.  Thank you for asking.  I think of you often. ❤️
Cathy

[Cathy4]

2/8

2-3:30am  awake.  Hungry, get snack, obsessive thoughts

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, anxiety, constipation-type pains

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, prepare for walk but wait to see if can go to bathroom 

 

10am  walk, sun peeks through, anxiety near end of walk, take .112mg klonopin at 10:30am

 

11:45am  meet w/best friend to look at paint job, less social anxiety

 

1pm  make guacamole, eat, feel chilled & extremely fatigued, slight stomach pain

 

2pm  lay down, hard to get warm, fall asleep, sleep til 3:30

 

4:30pm  burping, gas, stomachache, hang pictures back up on walls, feel angry that stomach pain is back.  Could it be the garlic in the guacamole?  Or just withdrawal.  
 

6:30pm  try to eat a little chicken & asparagus, do dishes, play with Henrietta, continue to feel angry.  Contemplate calling therapist but don’t.  
 

8pm  shower, eat cookie because craving sugar

9pm  read other people’s threads, post notes

 

9:24pm  watch video and prepare for meditation with heating pad on abdomen 

[Erell]

2 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

11:45am  meet w/best friend to look at paint job, less social anxiety

It Feels good right?

I'm trying To see friends more often, let's say that it is also healing for us To interact and socialize

 

Thinking of you, take care ❤

[Cathy4]

19 hours ago, Erell said:

It Feels good right?

I'm trying To see friends more often, let's say that it is also healing for us To interact and socialize

Yes, it definitely does, @Erell!!!

I am trying to be more social, too.  
I am so grateful for any bit of relief I get.  Hugs to you, @Erell.  ❤️🤗

[Cathy4]

2/9

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, lay in bed and remember some dreams

 

8:30am  67.5mgai sertraline, quick breakfast, head out to meet friend and walk with her and her dogs.  
 

9am  anxiety, derealization while walking w/friend.  When dogs barked it made anxiety worse.  Sun seems very very bright, too

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, recover from anxiety, sister & nephew arrive, nephew very annoying

 

11:45am  decide to take solo walk on trail, very pleasant, encounter two big well-behaved dogs & friendly owners, have nice brief conversation, feel good

 

1:30pm  eat leftover chicken & attempt to set boundaries with annoying nephew.

 

3pm  talk with another friend on phone, make spirulina balls, clean up kitchen, stand in sun with Henrietta.

 

4pm  sudden urge to bike around neighborhood!  Pump up tires and bike up hill.  A few heart palpitations 

 

5pm  chest tension, neck & shoulder tension, chop onion & garlic for dinner

 

6pm  epsom salt bath.  Notice in mirror I’ve lost weight.  Hoping to gain some back, gas

 

7pm  eat dinner, try to eat a little more, feel anxious & watch some of Oscars.  Internal self-talk, more gas (bad)

 

8pm  a little diarrhea, but feel like things are just stuck there wanting out.  Feel full back there again.  Put clothes in dryer, feel very tired.  Lots of physical activity today.  
 

8:30pm  in bed, put heating pad on abdomen, hoping fullness in rear goes away.  More gas. Prepare for meditation & sleep.  Might grab snack at 9pm if hungry.  
 

 

[Cathy4]

2/10

3:22-5:30am  awake, trouble falling back to sleep, ate snack, nightmares after falling back to sleep

 

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, butt hurting and feeling full, answer emails & rest on heating pad.  
 

10am  cry because some days are just hard.  Today is one of them.  Have small b.m., butt hurts & irritated, take .112mg klonopin at 10:30am

 

11am  walk, bled a little from hemorrhoid 

1pm  go to drugstore to get hemorrhoid cream & witch hazel wipes.  Eat lunch

 

3pm  paint, listen to radio

4:30pm  cry in room again, heating pad (feel like a child)

 

5pm  talk on phone with therapist. Wish he could help me like he used to.  Epsom salt bath
 

6:30pm  dinner, dishes, pet Henrietta

 

7:30pm  try & do 1st day of 30-day challenge friend wants to do.  
 

8pm  feel extremely extremely sad/depressed.  In bed, going to do some of Baylissa’s meditations.  This too shall pass.  

[wantrelief]

Hi Cathy - I wanted to send some support your way as it sounds like it was a hard day. I like listening to Baylissa's meditations as well.  I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you.  Hugs from across the lake - WR.

[Cathy4]

12 minutes ago, wantrelief said:

Hi Cathy - I wanted to send some support your way as it sounds like it was a hard day. I like listening to Baylissa's meditations as well.  I really hope tomorrow is a better day for you.  Hugs from across the lake - WR.

Oh my gosh.  You are such a Dear, @wantrelief.  Thank you so so much.  I was just crying again and feeling alone.  Thank you for making me feel less alone and supported.  HUG ❤️

 

[Cathy4]

2/11

2:30-5:30am  awake, feel angry, obsessive thoughts 

 

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, butt pain, turn heating pad on

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, small breakfast, butt pain, rested, cried

 

12pm  took garbage & recycle bins down, cleaned litter box, took .112mg klonopin (forgot to take at normal time), ate burger & fries

 

3pm  butt pain eases

4:30pm  stomachache.  Acid, sour stomach, lie with heating pad 

 

5pm  epsom salt bath, lie down again

6:30pm  try a little dinner

8pm  pain in butt returns, lay in bed, watch YouTube

 

9pm  meditation in bed

 

[Cathy4]

2/12

3am  briefly awake but able to fall back asleep!

 

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, feel better having slept most of night, butt pain

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, clean up kitchen, text w/people, fold clothes, hang paintings

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, walk in woods, friend calls while starting walk & I talk with her

 

12pm  stop by market on way home & get ginger + plantains, low anxiety in store

1pm  make plantain pancakes but upon sampling them, stomach pain begins—maybe too starchy.  
 

1:30pm  bit of anxiety attack, throat feels like its closing up, stomach pain

 

2:30pm  stomach pain stops, eat tuna

3pm  paint

5pm  epsom salt bath, text brother

6:30pm  eat dinner

7pm  gas & fullness in rear

8:30pm  friend stops by

9pm  in bed w/heating pad, Henrietta joins me.  Small wave of anxiety for no apparent reason, feel shoulders and they are very tight

 

9:23pm  prepare for deep breathing & meditation

 

[Cathy4]

2/13

early am:  scary dreams

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, some cramping like gut is moving, but no b.m.

 

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, rear end pain, do 30-day challenge exercises

 

10am  walk in woods, see bald eagle flying low!  Take .112mg klonopin 10:30am

 

12pm  set out for hardware store & grocery store:  both have self-checkout, some anxiety, feel a bit surreal 

 

1:30pm  eat tuna, spinach—while eating, shoulder & chest tension come, then heart does fluttering thing, not the normal palpitations, more like a weird erratic fluttering. It seemed like it lasted an eternity, even though only 5-10 seconds.  Scared, ran downstairs to room and feared death.  I haven’t made any drug changes for 2 weeks.  ???

 

5pm  more chest tension, did alternate nostril breathing

 

6:30pm  more muscle tension, lots of anxiety, tried to eat but couldn’t even though hungry, went to room to calm down

 

7:30pm  ate a little, anxiety lifts a little

8:30pm  search for Henrietta’s blue ball, find it and play.  Heart palpitation

 

9:15pm  in bed, heating pad, deep breathing and prepare for meditation.  
 

*spent a good chunk of the day feeling really scared.  The heart stuff freaked me out.  

[Cathy4]

2/14

6am  awoke but dozed in bed for awhile.  Felt comfortable because no bad dreams(!)

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel okay, do exercises, put load of laundry in

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, walk

12pm  call friend who is in hospital , light lunch in room, feel chest tension coming back & worry about heart doing weird things

 

1:30pm  blow debris off roof, clean up beds

3pm  paint

5pm  nephew arrives, play with him & eat piece of chicken, take epsom salt bath

 

6:30pm  make guacamole, eat more dinner

7pm  play with Henrietta, clean up kitchen, cut & weigh more klonopin

 

9pm  in bed, much better day today, less anxiety and more engagement in life.  Prepare for meditation & breathing

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

2/15

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  67.5mgai sertraline, breakfast, a few morning exercises

 

10am  sorted fridge, peeled sweet potatoes for purée, swept kitchen, .112mg klonopin @ 10:30.  
 

12pm  walk

1:30pm  made chia seed pudding, sweet potato purée, some anxiety & chest tension, feeling of fullness in rear 

 

3pm  painted

5:30pm  nephew comes to spend night, go to pick up food.  Anxiety on drive, start alternate nostril breathing, a bit of derealization 

 

6:30pm  eat dinner

7:30pm  weird sensations in rear, some shooting pain, play w/nephew a bit, strong derealization 

 

8:30pm  make tea, clean up kitchen, worry about weird pains/sensations hope they pass soon

 

8:45pm  in bed, Henrietta joins me, put heating pad on, write notes, prepare for meditation