Cathy4: Zoloft withdrawal gone awry

[Giulietta]

Hi Cathy

 

Jungle Chicken posted a couple of interesting links which you may have seen before.  May be worth looking at and the comments.

 

 

[Cathy4]

8 hours ago, Giulietta said:

Jungle Chicken posted a couple of interesting links which you may have seen before.  May be worth looking at and the comments.

Thanks, Giulietta!!! I will check them out.  🤗

[Cathy4]

3/5

7:30am  awoke, 20mcg levothyroxine, water, looked at email & forum posts, surprised by pelvic pain/discomfort 

 

8:30am  60.3mg sertraline, breakfast, pelvic discomfort, frequent urge to urinate, did a.m. exercises after breakfast.  Left knee hurting today

 

10am  set out for walk, wear short sleeves & listen to Breggin podcast (struck by Anthony Orban saying being in Iraq was a “cakewalk” compared to how sick he got on zoloft—eventually took his life)

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin

 

12pm  make guacamole, eat small healthy lunch, afterwards head to store to get brother a gift card for birthday.  Some anxiety and acid reflux

 

1:30pm  hit with fall of fatigue, read Baylissa’s book, doze off for half hour, chilled

 

3:30pm  brother arrives, feel okay, able to engage alright, Henrietta warms up to him

 

6pm  eat a little Thai takeout, definitely anxious eating with others...  objects in room move a tad and anxiety gets a little worse

 

7pm  brother leaves, clean up kitchen and decide to play piano because of looping Italian Art songs from music days almost 20 years ago.  Piano takes mind off pelvic discomfort & stomach issues

 

8:30pm  make poor decision and eat piece of cake.  Too much sugar

 

9pm  very tired, look at virus news and new cases here everyday.  Some local schools closing, traffic lighter because people are staying home.  Definitely not a good idea to look at news before bed.  
 

9:30pm  gas, in bed, prepare for meditation 

 

 

[Giulietta]

9 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

pelvic discomfort, frequent urge to urinate

 

 

 

9 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

objects in room move a tad and anxiety gets a little worse

 

Morning Cathy,

 

I hope your day improves today. 

 

I spent time last night (reviewing/reading/skimming) a number of  benzo websites to try and learn a bit.  I came across the symptoms you mention above as frequently occurring in WD from benzos (and in fact ADs).

 

How long and frequently has the pelvic pain beeen an issue and 'moving' objects?

 

9 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

7pm  brother leaves, clean up kitchen and decide to play piano because of looping Italian Art songs from music days almost 20 years ago.  Piano takes mind off pelvic discomfort & stomach issues

 

8:30pm  make poor decision and eat piece of cake.  Too much sugar

 

9pm  very tired, look at virus news and new cases here everyday.  Some local schools closing, traffic lighter because people are staying home.  Definitely not a good idea to look at news before bed.  
 

9:30pm  gas, in bed, prepare for meditation 

 

What do youlike to play? How long? do you have an upright, grand, ? When did you learn?

 

I took lessons for years when I was young.

 

I'm trying not to look at news either. The regular flu has affected about 13M in the US since 9/2019 - maybe look at BrassMonkey's post yesterday on COVID-19.  And there's never any 'good' news so sometimes staying away from it altogether is good.... 😉

 

9 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

9:30pm  gas, in bed, prepare for meditation 

 

Don't you fall asleelp when meditating esp at the hour?

 

big hug and feel better today

G.

 

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

14 hours ago, Giulietta said:

How long and frequently has the pelvic pain beeen an issue and 'moving' objects?

What is interesting, Giulietta, is that the pelvic pain was very consistent throughout Nov & Dec.  When I finally went to Urgent Care on Christmas and got things checked out, there was no uti and the culture returned normal, too.  I had a pelvic exam there and things were fine.  In January, those symptoms gave way to G.I. issues. 
 

Sometimes I still feel like objects are moving or I’m on a boat, but this mostly happens at night (Shep suggested possible interdose withdrawal from the klonopin).  This was happening more in Dec.  

14 hours ago, Giulietta said:

What do youlike to play? How long? do you have an upright, grand, ? When did you learn?

 

I took lessons for years when I was young.

I took lessons for years when I was young as well!!!  It was all classical:  Mozart, Chopin, Kuhlau, Bach.  I had to twist my teacher’s arm to let me play Gershwin.  
 

I wish I kept up practicing a bit more.  I was never great, but okay. I had one good recital where Claire de Lune went well without mistakes and without me having a panic attack!!!

 

I tried to get into UW school of music but failed.  
Then I practiced voice for awhile but I’m definitely no soloist—much better in a chorus/choir.  
 

How about you??? 
 

14 hours ago, Giulietta said:

 

Don't you fall asleelp when meditating esp at the hour?

Ummm, yeah.  Lol.  It kind of helps me go to sleep.  So I guess it’s not really real meditation but more relaxation.  
 

Thanks for being there, Giulietta.  
Hug

[Cathy4]

3/6

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, wake up groggy and a little chilled but feel okay, pelvic pain upon waking

 

8:30am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises

 

10am  call withdrawal friend

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, delve into housecleaning and decluttering (skipped walk today because of left knee)

 

12:30pm  lunch

 

1pm  measure & hang most recent paintings, compile info & think of titles

 

3-5pm  assemble wagon and do some oil painting, pelvic pain gone

 

6:30pm  dinner

7pm  epsom salt bath

7:45pm  watch tv show, make ginger tea

 

9pm  respond to posts & write daily notes.  Would like to have more energy but feeling okay is really nice for now.  Very grateful for pretty solid day.  

 

 

[Cathy4]

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, lie in bed for a few minutes after feeding Henrietta.  Bad crick in neck!  Some strange/disturbing early a.m. dreams
 

8:30am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, do a.m. exercises 

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, head out for walk despite knee pain

 

12:30pm  light lunch, play w/nephew, give nephew haircut (some anxiety during this but really working on self-talk to help myself when I feel things begin to go South—no wonder this process is so exhausting, it requires constant attention)

 

3:30pm  another coat of red paint on wagon, then move inside to oil paint—get lost in painting.  
 

7pm  eat dinner, do chores, dishes, take shower.  Do part of Feldenkrais lesson in order to lengthen and relax back muscles 

 

8:30pm  Ice knee, put heating pad on chest —chest tension present all day but able to tolerate it

 

9pm  catch up on other people’s threads, listen to Baylissa meditation 

 

 

[Giulietta]

Hello Cathy,

 

What positive and proactive and positive ways you did yesterday to alleviate your symptoms.  Good that you went out and walked - even a short walk is helpful and what a trooper with the knee pain. What do you paint (besides the wagon)? I remember paint-by-the-number when I was young (sort of like coloring between the lines) 😉 I thought it was fun.

 

I am trying to read a book - I should try to do this during the day when I don't fall asleep so easily at night. 🤔

 

Heating pads are very nice aren't they.

 

It sounds like anxiety wasn't as acute yesterday.

 

Hugs,

G.

 

 

[Cathy4]

12 hours ago, Giulietta said:

 

What positive and proactive and positive ways you did yesterday to alleviate your symptoms

Ah, thank you, Giulietta.  I appreciate the encouragement.  Somedays I feel like I have the ability to “try” more than other days.  Other days, well, things are just hard (as we all who are going through this process know all too well!).

 

12 hours ago, Giulietta said:

What do you paint (besides the wagon)?

I remember the paint-by-numbers!!! That was fun, wasn’t it?!  
 

I paint mostly abstract oil paintings with a lot of texture and color.  I’ll have to upload a few pics.  I like to use palette knives on the canvas—feels like I’m icing a cake!  
 

You made me smile about falling asleep with the book!  Easy to do!  
And yes, I’ve never appreciated heat (heating pads, epsom salt baths) as much as I do now in WD.  Anything that brings even a sliver of comfort is huge!  
Hug,

Cathy

[Cathy4]

3/8

8am  awake from bad dreams, yeesh.  20mcg levothyroxine, water, low pelvic pain which honestly feels like really tight muscles down there, idk.

 

9am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel disoriented—partly due to the time change, ugh.  

10am  neighbor asks if I’ll take her dog on walk.  This gets me outside as I feel very anxious this morning.  I think “uh-oh, perhaps I shouldn’t have dropped the sertraline to 60.3, what if it’s hitting me now?)

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, on walk, anxiety ramps up, brain nausea returns.  
 

12pm  retreat to room, ice knee and put heating pad on low abdomen, breathe.  Eat a small lunch when calm enough.  
 

1:30pm  read more of Baylissa’s book, end up dozing off a bit.  Henrietta dozes off, too.  
 

3-5pm  lie down as fatigue and chills are present.  
 

6pm  clean up kitchen, litter box, do other small chores, feel sick in head again

 

7pm  eat some dinner, the chewing makes the head feeling worse so I have to take it really slow.  
 

8pm  sit at piano to see if that distracts from anxiety & brain nausea.  Somewhat.  
 

9pm  make ginger tea, lie down with Henrietta by fireplace.  She’s gained weight, I’ve lost weight.  
 

9:30pm  prepare for bed.  One small piece of chocolate.  
Glad today is over.  
 

[Cathy4]

3/9

3am  awake for lil while, low pelvic tension/pain, anxiety

 

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, pelvic pain, frequent urge to urinate

 

10am  short bout of pretty extreme chemical depression—almost neuroemotion, really, pelvic pain

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, drive to flat trail to walk (really pushed myself to go out), shorter walk & flat b/c knee, frequent urge to urinate, pelvic discomfort 

 

12pm  stop at bank & QFC, some anxiety but not too bad—had to get Henrietta some food, self checkout and stayed away from close contact with people!  
 

1pm  lunch, still pelvic discomfort, some anger about prior symptoms returning 

 

2pm  get another coat of red paint on the wagon, clean up garage a bit while listening to sports radio, do a little painting, drink decaf mocha b/c craving chocolate.  
 

4pm  feed Henrietta & take her outside on my shoulder.  Wish I could let her roam free but can’t b/c Boots the neighborhood bully is lurking.  
 

6pm  anxiety escalated as hear a car outside garage.  (There are people in my life who think it’s okay to show up unannounced and I’m practicing setting boundaries—this particular woman is clueless). I stay in garage, breathe, ignore her texts.  
 

6:30pm  epsom salt bath, rx bar (blood sugar low or shouldn’t have had the decaf mocha) ugh.  
 

7pm  dinner, clean litter box, empty garbage, other chores, sit at piano for awhile

 

8:30pm  anxiety returns like brain “attack.”  Hate the head-nausea, turn off tv b/c too stimulating 

 

9:30pm  unload dishwasher, trying to get used to time change, pelvic pain a bit better

 

10pm  heating pad, daily notes, listen to Baylissa for comfort.  
 

*today was one of those days where I just wanted to scream because of frustration.  I can really work on acceptance.  Maybe that should be my theme for the remainder of this month.  

[Cathy4]

3/10

*could not fall asleep 3/9... rough night

 

8:43am  awoke, groggy, some sleep, 20mcg levothyroxine, water

 

9:15am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, some anxiety/uncertainty but no pelvic pain(!)

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, go outside to clean up native plant garden & get fresh air, neighbor comes over to communicate about using garage for storage.  
 

1pm  eat tuna, weird brain nausea

2pm  finish up yardwork, take buns to road 

3:30pm  paint

5:30pm  eat dinner, anxiety & weird head feelings...  not even sure how to describe.  Clean up kitchen while Henrietta follows me around, meowing, play wand with her, talk to brother on phone.  
 

7:30pm  shower

8pm  part of Feldenkrais lesson

9pm  feel okay, Ice knee, eat hard-boiled egg (can’t stop thinking about food!!!), heating pad on chest, get in bed, think of doughnuts

[Cathy4]

3/11

8:30am  levothyroxine 20mcg, water, pelvic discomfort 

9am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises

 

10:30am  feel still in dreamland, take .112mg klonopin, fail to set up phone call with withdrawal friend

 

11am  drive to regional park and just start walking to try and ease weird head stuff—find the exact spot where I hid for hours one day in September when I thought I was losing my mind b/c of rapid zoloft taper & xanax ct.  Compare myself to who I was back then and feel relieved!!!  I am getting better, it’s just taking time!!!  
 

12:30pm  lunch, looked at governor’s press conference and more schools all around us are closing

 

2pm  quick trip to store with self-checkout

3pm  friend stops by in driveway with her Alzheimer’s client in car and reaches out the window and squeezes my side asking where I’ve gone (like, way too skinny).  I yelp b/c ticklish and shrug.  Withdrawalz.  #withdrawalsarereal

 

4pm  paint but it all looks like garbage. 
 

rest of evening okay.  Epsom salt bath, dinner, watch show, still not adjusted to silly time change.  Pelvic discomfort eases a bit, tight chest

 

[Cathy4]

3/12

8am  levothyroxine 20mcg, water

9am  breakfast, head feels weird—a little derealization and just feel kind of trapped, corona virus causing anxiety for sure.  
 

10:30am  .112 klonopin

11am  speak with withdrawal friend on phone, good to chat

 

11:45am  head still feels weird, so some yard work to try and get out of head, listen to podcasts 

 

3pm  wall of fatigue & tickle in throat combined with tight chest, chilled lay down for rest, end up falling asleep.

 

5:30pm  epsom salt bath, breathe in warm steam with peppermint oil in it, feel slightly better 

 

6pm  start working on cutting & weighing klonopin in order to stay on current dosage.  
 

7:30pm  eat dinner, text friends, clean kitchen, dishes, Henrietta’s messy food area, anxiety but helps to move around and do things

 

8:30pm  make ginger/lemon tea, breathe in more peppermint oil in steam.  Chest feels a bit better.  
 

9:30pm  putter around upstairs

10pm  in bed, write daily notes, start some deep breathing and prepare to listen to a Baylissa meditation 

 

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

3/13

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, chest tightness & tickle in throat 

8:30am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises, answer texts/emails, unload dishwasher 

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, wet & cold walk in woods but felt good to get some air

 

12pm  lunch, dishes

1pm  quick trip to store

2pm  make spirulina balls & guacamole 

 

5pm  dinner, leftovers, chest still tight and feels like there’s something in there like when I breathe in too much dust, vacuum upstairs, clean litter box

 

6:30pm  epsom salt bath

7:30pm  watch tv show

8:30pm  clean up kitchen, play with Henrietta 

 

9:30pm  in bed, a little dizzy, heating pad & hot pack, listen to Baylissa’s meditation 

 

 

[Cathy4]

3/14

8am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

9am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast, feel okay

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, walk in woods

12pm  briefly see sister & nephew

1pm  lunch, finish cleaning upstairs before Mom hosts clothing party

2pm  Feldenkrais lesson

3pm  drove to supplement store to look for zinc & lozenges, all sold out

4pm  ordered a to-go salad from local restaurant, noticing some heart palpitations on & off today

 

6pm  drive to friends’ to drop off some cookies, on way there start having this weird sensation like there’s extra air coming into my brain, like something is flooding it with extra oxygen, also smelling peppermint oil which I haven’t even used today.  Smelling something that isn’t there.  Start to freak out on drive home cause things feel so weird.  Tell myself it’s got to just be withdrawal.  
 

7pm  try and calm down in room, take shower, heart palpitations 

 

9pm  feeling calmer, still heart palpitations, get in bed, listen to a meditation

[Cathy4]

3/15 Ides of March...   

 

5am  awake, could not return to sleep, lay in bed til 7am

 

7am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, upper pelvic pain—kind of a burning, frequent urge to urinate

 

8:30am  60.3mgai sertraline, breakfast

 

*soo tired & this day was kind of a blur.  Main symptoms:  pelvic pain morning & evening, heart palpitations, sense of impending doom/dread, baseline anxiety definitely high—felt like the world was kind of closing in on me today.  Going to try and sleep.  

[Cathy4]

3/16

 

*day started out okay & had a good afternoon walk but after returning the heart palpitations started up and some intense evening anxiety.  
 

3/17

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, feed Henrietta 

 

9am  60.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises, peel sweet potatoes, unload farm box, say hi to sister & nephew

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, continue making sweet potato purée, think a lot about Coronavirus 

 

1pm  eat light lunch after cleaning kitchen

2pm  get outside to work in yard.  Lungs feel weird again as if breathing in dust.  Realize I’m close to the dryer vent and there’s probably lint coming out.  Get mask.  
 

5:30pm  talk with Mom, get chilled, room moves a little

 

6pm  epsom salt & peppermint oil bath

 

7pm  dinner, clean up, more anxiety and some unsteadiness/rocking as if on boat

 

8pm  Feldenkrais lesson, calm down some

 

9:21pm  in bed, things feel so strange these days...  is it b/c I made a small cut on the sertraline 3 weeks ago?  Or b/c of the virtual lockdown here in Washington?  Just feeling really weird & unsettled.  

[Cathy4]

3/18

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, pelvic pain & frequent urge to urinate 

 

8:30am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast (I’ve made a mistake with the sertraline taper, I’ll explain at the end of this day...)

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, wait for man to come pick up the club i was selling on OfferUp.  Lots of anxiety.  Sister is here cleaning her car.   
 

11:15am  chat w/Mom & sister for awhile, neck & throat tension, anxiety about everything, period trying to start

 

12:30pm  eat tuna, get out & work in yard again.  Start to feel better.  Listen to Breggin podcast to get my mind off the Coronavirus 

 

4:30pm  feed Henrietta & take her out on back deck on my shoulder so she can feel sun

 

5:30pm  shower

6:30pm  dinner

 

7pm  realize that my math for my sertraline taper was off.  I mistakenly thought the weight of the 60.7mgai pills was supposed to be 178 instead of 187...  I realized this tonight, 3 weeks after I dropped dosage...  so what I’ve accidentally done is dropped from 67.5 to 57.7...  an extra 3mgai.  I discovered this when I weighed a few of my current pills.  I dropped a bit too much but now that I’m already more than 3 weeks into it, I suppose I just stay at 57.7?  I only panicked for a few minutes, wondering if that’s why I’ve had more anxiety & things feel weird.  
 

[Cathy4]

3/19

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, unload dishwasher, feed Henrietta 

 

8:30am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises 

 

10am  walk to trail w/sister & nephew, branch off on my own when they turn back, take .112mg klonopin at 10:30am.

 

12pm  play w/nephew, neck/throat tension.  Pretty intense 

 

1pm  eat lunch

2pm  yardwork but still throat/neck tension, mom calls me to help with nephew’s leg cramp

 

3:30-5:30  yardwork, feel less anxious

6:30pm  dinner, then epsom salt bath, look at Kelly Brogan’s take on this virus and resources she provides.  Wondering how a nasal swab can accurately detect a specific virus.  
 

7pm Feldenkrais lesson

8:30pm  eat piece of chicken, talk with sister on phone

 

9:15pm  in bed, ready to listen to meditation, slight headache 

 

 

 

[Cathy4]

3/20

3am  awake for awhile

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, fatigued, period has started

 

8:30am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, tried some a.m. exercises but very difficult, feel strange, disconnected, some derealisation 

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, lots of anxiety, tight throat & chest, head feels foggy.  Feels like there’s an imminent threat but invisible 

 

11:30am  go outside to do yardwork.  Still having lots of anxiety, not feeling present—like brain just isn’t quite working right

 

12:30-4pm  do bits of yardwork when anxiety isn’t too bad, but really struggling today.  Things feel surreal, strange

 

4pm  brother comes to visit for short time.  Sit in sun & talk, anxiety.  
 

5-6pm  transplant a tree.  Feels good to dig a hole, wrestle to get tree out of pot, it’s root-bound, anxiety lifts a bit

 

6:30pm  dinner

7:30pm  talk with friend on phone. Some background anxiety, throat tension, weird head sensations

 

8pm  shower, eat fruit snacks (ate way too much sugar today), call therapist who is in CA.  Brief chat.  
 

9pm  feel a tad bit more normal.  Just a very difficult day.  Time for bed & listening to Baylissa’s meditation.  

[Cathy4]

3/21

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water, tickle in throat, chest tightness 

8:30am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises, fatigue

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, set up computer for Feldenkrais lesson

 

11:30am  phone call w/friend in AK

 

12pm  lunch, nephew here, played G.I. Joes w/him, still chest tightness, scratchy throat

 

2pm  walk, very pleasant day to walk

 

3:30pm  sweep kitchen, take Henrietta outside, do dishes

 

4:30pm  call friend, call brother back, discuss questions regarding virus

 

6pm  feel surprisingly clear-headed, eat dinner

 

7pm  epsom salt bath

8pm  drawing a blank, lol

9pm  in bed, gonna listen to Baylissa meditation

 

*wondering about whether 5G is having an impact on people’s immune systems and wondering why Facebook took the Thomas Cowan 5G YouTube video down right after Kelly Brogan posted it... weird.  

[Cathy4]

3/22

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine, water

8:30pm  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast

 

9:30am  anxiety, shoulder/neck tension, working up courage to go to store

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, head to store—it goes alright despite the new restrictions in place, some anxiety but able to work through it

 

12pm  go through Starbucks drive through to get mom & sister beverage on way home

 

1pm  lunch, chest tightness, feels again like there’s something in chest irritating it.  Allergies?  But I’m not sneezing or having runny nose

 

2pm  go for bike ride—chest discomfort continues and causes anxiety during ride.  Nevertheless, glad I got out, ride around with nephew when arrive home

 

4pm  feed Henrietta, organize garage & vacuum litter box area, find items for goodwill

 

7pm  dinner, then epsom salt bath w/peppermint oil for whatever is going on in chest

 

8pm  play piano

9pm  make ginger lemon tea, chest still tight/irritated, get in bed, read some of Baylissa’s book

[Cathy4]

3/23

8am  wake from bizarre dreams, feel like I’m still in the dreams, feel out of it/anxious.  20mcg levothyroxine, water

 

9am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, some of that weird brain nausea returns, fatigued, do a few exercises but hard

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, start cleaning & sorting back bedroom to get mind off the fear/anxiety/trapped feeling.  Knee hurts so don’t walk today

 

12:30pm  light lunch, back to sorting & cleaning, go through brother’s school work from grade school, find tons of stuff for goodwill, do laundry

 

4pm  chat with therapist on phone

4:30pm  vacuum all bedrooms

5:30pm  listen to governor on radio

6:30pm  dinner, anxiety, head feels funny & foggy & like there’s panic only in my brain

7pm  shower

8pm  ginger tea, some Feldenkrais 

9pm  feel fearful, also tired, bad gas all evening 

[Giulietta]

Hello Cathy

 

For some reason I didn't get your earlier posts.

 

I am glad you can talk with your therapist on the phone. I hope that helped you go through the day. I have postponed my visits for 2-3 months (flu) and I find my meetings beneficial so miss them.

 

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

start cleaning & sorting back bedroom to get mind off the fear/anxiety/trapped feeling.  Knee hurts so don’t walk today

 

Good on the cleaning and sorting. This is a difficult mental task so kudos for working on it. Imagine how spotless it is at your house! Hopefully your knees don't feel so bad today.

 

Did you feel comforted at 9 when you went to bed? Crawling under the sheets/blankets at night when I feel despair or anxious is something I look forward to and gives comfort. Did you sleep OK?

 

Yes, been listening to the Governor too. We were essentnially put on lockdown yesterday. I decided not to listen to the news today. 

 

Big hug to you and hope you have a better day.

G.

 

 

[Cathy4]

16 hours ago, Giulietta said:

Did you feel comforted at 9 when you went to bed? Crawling under the sheets/blankets at night when I feel despair or anxious is something I look forward to and gives comfort. Did you sleep OK?

Hello Dear Giulietta,

How kind of you to come check in. I thought of you yesterday but failed to write.  
 

Yes, it does feel sooo good to get into bed.  Sometimes I’m afraid falling asleep because of the sort of panic-like episodes that startle me a bit.  However, last night, once I fell asleep, I actually had a pretty good night!  Thank you!  
 

How are You???  Hanging in there okay?  Your four-legged friend alright now?  
Hug,

Cathy

[Cathy4]

3/24

*too tired to write much but today was better than yesterday.  Anxiety culminated in some awful chest & throat tension coupled with terror after dinner.  (I feel like I’m reading from a “withdrawal menu.”).   
 

“What’s today’s special?”

 

”Well, we have some derealisation sprinkled with dread and some skin-burning garnished with doom.  Sound good?”

 

Anyhow, today was better than yesterday.  Things just feel so incredibly weird right now.  Withdrawal + pandemic, who would’ve thought.  I hope everyone on here is staying healthy and just taking good care during this time.  

[Giulietta]

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

Yes, it does feel sooo good to get into bed.

 

What a relief. All the stress, exhaustion and symptoms of the day can melt away. I know the apprehension of going to bed and will I wake up with panic and tremors. They have become much more infrequent. The worst dread for me is the fear of getting up - even thinking about it in bed - is whether I will be dizzy, incapacitated, etc. for the morning.  Again - had 2 good weeks (about 2) so very happy, Dizzy and h/a this a.m. but won't complain.

 

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

“What’s today’s special?”

 

I know the feeling! I  have a good day (or mostly good day) and wonder what the heck is next? It is exhausting and eventually it subsides. It has taken months and months to improve for me. Last Monday I dropped my  bead and WD came roaring back. So I amm back on my bead. I will try getting smaller size beads (if QC was not great!) to do this.  It is a never ending story isn't it.

 

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

Withdrawal + pandemic, who would’ve thought.  I hope everyone on here is staying healthy and just taking good care during this time.  

 

It is unbelievable - either by themselves - or together.  Neither one gives us much control but we mostly know what to expect with one after doing tis for a while. Still awfully crummy.

 

Little guy doing much better thanks.

 

Be well,

Hugs,

G

 

[Kernol]

14 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

3/24

*too tired to write much but today was better than yesterday.  Anxiety culminated in some awful chest & throat tension coupled with terror after dinner.  (I feel like I’m reading from a “withdrawal menu.”).   
 

“What’s today’s special?”

 

”Well, we have some derealisation sprinkled with dread and some skin-burning garnished with doom.  Sound good?”

 

Anyhow, today was better than yesterday.  Things just feel so incredibly weird right now.  Withdrawal + pandemic, who would’ve thought.  I hope everyone on here is staying healthy and just taking good care during this time.  

Mmmm that particular today’s special is my favourite dish / I always get second helpings 😅

 

[Cathy4]

5 hours ago, Kernol said:

Mmmm that particular today’s special is my favourite dish / I always get second helpings 😅

Hahahaha!!!   I was afraid that might be the case!  I guess if we can’t laugh once in awhile, what else can we do? 

[Cathy4]

12 hours ago, Giulietta said:

Again - had 2 good weeks (about 2) so very happy, Dizzy and h/a this a.m. but won't complain.

Hey, that’s good progress, Giulietta.  I’m happy to hear it even though I know things are exactly great right now.  What’s h/a?  (This is probably something I should know...)

 

12 hours ago, Giulietta said:

Last Monday I dropped my  bead and WD came roaring back. So I amm back on my bead. I will try getting smaller size beads

Is it possible to get smaller size beads, I hope?  Also, did you find out what you needed to know for planning your klonopin taper when the time is right?  
 

12 hours ago, Giulietta said:

Little guy doing much better thanks.

Goooooood.  Very glad to hear it, Giulietta.  
 

You take good care as well, 

Hug, 

Cathy

[Cathy4]

3/25

7:30am  20mcg levothyroxine & water, slept fairly well(!!!)

 

8:30am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, constipation.  
Do some a.m. exercises—so far not as anxious today

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin, get urge to do more outside work, begin scrubbing mildew/mold off deck.  
 

12:30pm  lunch, excessive thirst

1:30pm  more deck work + cleaning up piles of yard debris, sun comes out but luckily it doesn’t trigger derealisation 

 

5pm  eat dinner early, very tired but wanted to take advantage of burst of energy I had this morning.  
 

6:30pm  epsom salt bath, excessive thirst even though been drinking water all day.  
 

*feeling alright currently.  Hoping for smooth rest of the evening with perhaps a little Feldenkrais or piano.  

[Erell]

7 hours ago, Cathy4 said:

*feeling alright currently.  Hoping for smooth rest of the evening with perhaps a little Feldenkrais or piano.  

 Sounds like a nice update dear Cathy ! 

I've been thinking of you lately !

 

Are you currently holding your doses?

 

Take care ❤️

[Cathy4]

18 hours ago, Erell said:

Sounds like a nice update dear Cathy ! 

I've been thinking of you lately !

Erell!!!  I’ve missed you.  
I did reduce the zoloft from 67mgai to 57.7mgai (I made a mistake with weight back in November and only just realized last week that I had dropped an extra 3mg...).   
 

Yes, holding currently since the most recent drop.  
 

I hope you are well.  HUG 🤗 

[Cathy4]

3/26

7:30am  levothyroxine, water, chest tension

8:30am  57.7mgai sertraline, breakfast, a.m. exercises.  Anxiety, tickle in throat, chest tension

 

10:30am  .112mg klonopin

11am  bike ride—rained shortly after I set out, roads vacant, golf club up on hill closed so I couldn’t ride up there to see view.  
 

12pm  prayer/reflection for friend’s daughter who has brain tumor

 

1pm  annoying nephew over, eat lunch in room, find “science of fasting” video for friend.  Answer emails
 

3pm  paint.  No luck, painting looks awful today

 

6pm  epsom salt bath w/peppermint oil, still chest tension

7pm  dinner

8pm  online Feldenkrais lesson, ate brownie afterwards (okay, two)

 

9pm  fatigue present all day plus chest tension/throat tension but can’t complain because anxiety is better than it was a couple days ago.  In bed w/heating pad on chest.  Baylissa meditation now.  

[Giulietta]

Hello Cathy,

 

Sorry about the late reply! Somehow I missed your post(s) even though I am following you and you quoted me. 😕

 

On 3/25/2020 at 9:31 PM, Cathy4 said:

What’s h/a?  (This is probably something I should know...)

 

Head ache.

 

On 3/25/2020 at 9:31 PM, Cathy4 said:

Is it possible to get smaller size beads, I hope?  Also, did you find out what you needed to know for planning your klonopin taper when the time is right?  

 

Very good question. Most of the beads are uniform in size. After carefully going t hrough the 100 beads in a capsule I found about 9 smaller ones.  I tried a smaller bead for two days and had more symptoms seemingly the result fo the smaller bead. I am back up the 'usual' size beads for the moment.

 

I am not sure but it may be that a smaller bead means less of the drug itself (i.e., active ingredient?). So I don't know how much drug I actually got.

 

I've tabled the klonopin taper for now.

 

On 3/27/2020 at 12:06 AM, Cathy4 said:

3pm  paint.  No luck, painting looks awful today

 

I can't believe your painting looked awful. What are you working on?

 

Cathy, you have a lot of nice hobbies and I think that is very nice. They must help you get around the WD symptoms, would you say?

 

I am very sorry for your friend's daughter and your friend.

 

People were told to be self-isolating but I learnt from someone who was out that that roads are busy. I don't think they were all going to the grocery store, pharmacy or to get gasoline.

 

Big hug,

G.