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DD44: Please help, currently on mirtazapine/gabapentin

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DD44

Been having trouble keeping up with daily logs of activities. 

 

Although Iv been getting more rest I’m feeling extremely depressed 

 

when i I begin to get closer to a normalized schedule I start to think of all the things in my life I need to fix to have a happier future 

 

I’m in a job that isn’t using my degree at all and have no idea what to do with my life career wise

i have over 60k in student debt and feel tremendously worried on how to address it 

 

I have almost no friends - and feel it’s hopeless sometimes as a 33 year old 

sorry I’m venting today but really wish I could find someone to help me unfold these issues one at a time. Feels like my life is passing me by and I want to do what I can to not find myself in 20 years broke and alone

i feel If I keep behaving how I have I’ll end up no better than I am

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elbee

Hi DD44,

 

On 10/29/2019 at 9:59 AM, DD44 said:

Been having trouble keeping up with daily logs of activities.

 

Focusing on the little things to take care of myself has been my one of my biggest challenges in this healing / recovery process. The little things can seem so inconsequential when compared to the big questions you touched on in your last post. Yes, those other things matter and can feel overwhelming, and finding resources of "trusted others" who can help you navigate turbulent waters is really important . . . at least it has been for me (therapists at times, peer support groups,  meditation communities, this website, etc.). But the part I've struggled with most are the little things that when added up equal self-care. It's been an incremental process for me. One of the earliest things I started doing was to make sure I had a banana to eat every morning. Most of my adult life I only ate one meal a day . . . dinner. Breakfast and lunch was always coffee and cigarettes. Having a banana on hand to to eat every morning (even, if at first, I didn't always eat it) was a foundational way for me to start building trust with myself around self care. I've come a long way since then . . . I regularly eat three meals a day now, but that's how it started for me. 

 

In my opinion, you are going to need to find small, incremental ways to build trust with yourself around self-care . . . the little commitments you make to yourself that can so easily be broken but are so important to keep. Logging your experience daily (or regularly) on this website may be a way you do that . . . or not, you may find other ways to build internal trust. But most of my life I looked for silver bullets to make things better, and the psych meds were a part of that. Incremental self-care isn't sexy and I've had a lot of resistance to it, but it has been central in my path to healing.

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DD44

@Shep @Altostrata or anyone else who wants to chime in

 

im doing significantly better. I’m considering discussing use of a Compounding pharmacy with my psych next week and to ask to reduce from 7.5 to 7, this is just a little over a 5% drop. Would hold there for no less than a month. I did some thinking about it and am wondering if I see how that goes would it be okay to stick with dry tapering. Maybe switch to liquid when it gets very low. I ask ideas about this because I would like the option to travel this coming year and traveling with a liquid seems cumbersome. Any input from anyone is appreciated. Also, I know we have somewhat gone over “stable” which I still struggle with (since I am basically a one symptom subject) My mood is really good. I’m working on knowing triggers and how to manage my emotions. anyhow I’m not trying to rush.. just want as much input as I can get 

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Shep

@DD44 I moved your last post for the symptoms forum to here in your intro thread, since you're asking questions about your own taper.

 

I'm glad you're doing better. Compounding can be a good way to go for someone who's traveling. 

 

Getting custom dosages at compounding pharmacies (US, UK, Canada, and elsewhere)

 

For information on using a scale for dry tapering and for liquid, please see:

 

Using a digital scale to measure doses

 

A scale that many members recommend is this one:

 

Gemini 20 Scale

 

This thread is for doing a liquid taper:

 

How to make a liquid from tablets or capsules

 

This post in that thread contains a video.

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elbee
On 11/4/2019 at 12:10 AM, DD44 said:

im doing significantly better.

 

Hey DD44, it's good to hear you seem to have stablized a bit and that you've been feeling better 👍😊

 

On 11/4/2019 at 12:10 AM, DD44 said:

I’m working on knowing triggers and how to manage my emotions. anyhow I’m not trying to rush.

 

For me too, sometimes being able to simply recognize a trigger can soften it a bit and make the feelings that arise from it more manageable. And yes, it is very much a practice . . . well done on trying to to rush things 

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DD44

Any words of wisdom anyone can give me that aren’t just the typical see this link about initiating my new taper would be helpful. Everybody sees a big change in me it’s pretty drastic over the last couple of weeks, that’s why I’m very nervous about the taper but I just don’t want to be dependent on this medication. Hard to decide between 2-5% to see how it effects me. Iv felt so good the last 2-3 weeks that it’s nerve racking. I had a fairly superwoman attitude PRE psych drugs- and suddenly that pesky reemerged, when I sat back and tried to allow things to go the way they would go. Stopped obsessing, did my self care as much as I could. Focused on what I can do with my life rather than what I can’t... I know I need to go slow. But I’m just so scared to make myself suffer anymore. I was in hell from April till just a couple weeks ago.. anyhow ... I need advice and encouragement 

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elbee

I learned to follow the guideline, "When in doubt, hold." Even if I just waited a week to make a drop, something in me appreciated knowing I was trying to take a gentle approach and generally, it worked out well that way. You're doing great. Stay the course.

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DD44

@elbee I feel like I’m always going to have a certain level of fear or concern about withdrawal ...or “doubt” as you say.. 

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elbee
1 hour ago, DD44 said:

I feel like I’m always going to have a certain level of fear or concern about withdrawal ...or “doubt” as you say.

 
Yes of course . . . it's a matter of degree. If I waited until I was completely sure about everything, I would never move from where I'm standing. To clarify my suggestion about "when in doubt, don't" -- when I'm feeling "intense" doubt about something, if possible, I try to slow down or pause. For me, it's about balancing gentleness and consistency in the process.

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DD44

NEED SOME SERIOUS ADVICE HELP

 

i have been doing very well . I initiated a 6% reduction in dose two nights ago,  with the use of a compounding pharmacy. I even asked and was told I was being given the same brand of medication. I’m now on my second night of not getting the rest I need. It feels like a total absence. Things don’t feel right. Do I need an adjustment period? Do I need to go back to pill form and trim bits off myself? Things can get very bad if I don’t get on a regular pattern soon. I’m getting worried. I only went from 7.5 to 7. And the only known difference was I went from pills to capsules. Contemplating asking my doctor to call in a round of pills. Please help. 

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Shep

It's best to transition over to a compounded formula at the same dose. It's impossible to know if you're reacting to the dose reduction or to the compounded formula, which could also have a slight variation in dose. 

 

It takes 4 days for your nervous system to register a change and it can take a week or longer to adjust to the change. You can either wait it out for a few days to a week or, if the symptoms are severe, go back to your previous method and see if you can stabilize to where you were 2 days ago.

 

Please let us know what you decide and how you're doing. 

 

Please also update your signature to reflect your changes since October. A direct link is here:

 

Account Setting - Create or Update Your Signature

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DD44

@Shep @Altostrata @elbee

i would really like some words of encouragement. I thought I was doing all the right things - stabilized, waited. Had my prescription compounded (cost a lot more) and I only did a 6% drop. Going forward I’d like to reference my ability to get rest as “berries” that’s what I call it with my therapist and it helps me not feel triggered. Getting “berries” is really my single primary issue- everything else comes after that if at all. It helps me to not think of the word and try not to think of it at all (I never worried about how much berries id get before it became this thing in my life) So basically I tried the new compound the last two nights and my berries were extremely disrupted. This makes me really nervous and worried how am I suppose to do this. My doctor is calling in my original dose and I’m going back up until I feel clear and confident about how to proceed. This feels discouraging but I’m trying not to ruminate. Any advise on how I can reinitiate this process better next time I try would be sincerely appreciated. 

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Altostrata
8 hours ago, Shep said:

It's best to transition over to a compounded formula at the same dose.

 

Hello, DD. If I read your post correctly, you switched to the compounded formula and made a dosage reduction at the same time. Is it a compounded liquid?

 

Please go back to 7.5mg and hold there for a bit. Please let us know how you're doing. I'm sure you'll find all your berries again.

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DD44

@Altostrata

yes I switched to compounded capsules (have been on pills) and made a 6% reduction. I guess Iv overlooked that I wasn’t suppose to make a reduction until I adjusted to the new formula. I am going back to my regular dose tonight and will keep everyone posted 

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