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Passionlifetime

Passionlifetime: Refused to live Medicated (Effexor) years on Antidepressents.

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Passionlifetime

I want to share my heart out,I want to share my life. I lived 31 yrs of life. the life of sadness,hurt,betrayal,getting used,unrequited love, Dream which gets shattered,Health which got lost,Financed which ruined,Engagement which break twice,Got fired from the job which I love.hope which I got lost in all these but just little remains…
May be I am not a very strong guy, or below things are very little for other people but for me it really shattered me with the brain I have.I want to write here because of two reasons:-
Please bear with my bad English.

To get words of support.

Others may learn something from this.

Birth(Dec 1987):-
Bully(15yrs)
I was a silent kid,deeply introverted.afraid to go out and dominate the world.Never in my life I had more than 2 or 3 friends.Never associated with any groups anywhere.Because of my silent nature and understanding of the world differently relatives and neighbors thinks that I am not of sound mind and they normally called me “sirri” (a word which describe a person as stupid with no mind”).Even my family used to call me the same, this has impacted my childish mind deeply and my confidence sank to earth every time someone called me that.though I was good in studies but not very vocal and someone who bully others just because other one is not dominatable nature. I hate these types of person even up until now.and I also choose very very carefully to whom I can open. these things keep going on till I turn around 15 or in 10th standard. and that was really a sad time.but I forgot and moved on.
My teenage love(8 yrs)
Its starts in early stages when hormones change occurs. My first Love.real,pure,deep,full of emotions.absolutely overwhelming.till date I have not forget those days. she was in my class sat next to my desk. I fall in love or whatever you will say infatuation. she belongs to other community. I knew marriage is not possible. I never tried to approach or propose.I knew even if I propose she will not accept.I was not handsome or a topper or may be I was insecure.I loved her deeply . Did many things those times of school like pick some flowers on my way to school and put it in her desk,looking at her whole time during school,wrote a diary, wrote some poetry also for her.cried every other day at home that I will not have her in my life.I also did those stupid thing of writing the name of your beloved from blood in your diary.lol. one incident I remember one day our teacher asked us to perform some activities, every student performed something like dance or cracked a joke. when my turn came I sang a song ”yai zamin ruk jaaye aasma jhuk jaaye tera chahra jab nazar aaye” by looking in to her eyes directly without any fear , in front of whole class and also a teacher.there are many many memories of such type.I never had a problem because I never insist her for anything. everybody knows that I loved her so much whenever anyone asked me I accepts wholeheartedly yes. she knows it. the way she looked towards me I still remember. I remember the day of parting also . it was day of 10th class last day when I got the news that she will about to leave school permanently,I become extremely sad and I know anyhow I have to bear this pain of loosing someone so close and to look at her become a daily oxygen to me. I was in deep pain. that day I thought to tell her my feelings by my own. she used to go to home through same bus stand from which I go.every day. that day I waited at stand for about 3 hrs because she was enjoying with her friends, I was desperate that today I ll tell her my feelings as after this day I will never see her. I saw her coming. she saw me from a distance and she sensed also about things. I come directly in front of her and said that I wanted to say something to you which you already know all these years.she asked me to say it.I uttered those three words.she listened and asked me if anything more I wanted to say I replied No.she left in a bus. I stayed there dont know how much longer, felt like dead. then came back home.and cried hell.my sisters consoled me so much. I couldnt did anything. so I tried to save this as a sweet memory in my heart.later when I went in college then I got toknow that she took admission in Dental school, I got her number some how and from my college far away from home I called her at every festival of her and her birthday continiously 4 yrs . then she become dentist and I got the news that she is getting married.to one of my other class mate. I became habitual about this. acceptance was there.those were the days of orkut, I dont know how many of you young guys know about orkut. its like first social media site in India those days. later I saw her some times on facebook and now she is living happily with her husband and a daughter. I left her there and locked her there in my heart to never open it up.and got busy in another things.
Science and engineering(3yrs)
Once I passed 10th and she left me then I have so much anger and resentment that I put all these on studies.I was a below average student got just 60% in 10th and ours was a govt school, that time I cant write or speak a single sentence in English.but somehow as all good students left the school so I got the admission in science section in 2004, there were 34 students, I studied very hard and came first that year only 8 students passed. in the next year also I did so much hard work and came first in my Class Editori was not that I got very good marks but the resources and kind of teachers I have in my govt school I did my best and came first in 12th also with 70% marks. I was so much fearful of science but my mother who was always there for me encouraged me that I can do it so I did passed it.in those 2 years i knew nothing about anything except studies I used to have one FM radio in my room some songs I hear every day like “love guru on radio city 91.1” if any of you remember.then after 12th was another struggle for career.Didnt know what to choose for further studies.I wanted to go to army.gave NDA also didnt passed.a friend came and suggest me to do coaching for engineering.I liked the idea it was the year 2006. I joined a reputed coaching in Delhi.studied day and night to pass the entrance.sometimes I got so much confident that I will do it sometimes i got frustrated.it was too much of studies for an avg student.year gone hopes begin. gave all engineering entrance examintation of delhi state and national level. like aieee and iit’s results came , didnt get selected in any one of them , got so much disheartened. you can understand how bad I was I got rank 131000 in AIEEE and for IIT I failed, DCE got 8000 rank.so no admission in any of these college. I gave uptu exam also and there I got 32953 rank and i got a change for counselling.Unfortunately there I made a blunder and even I was getting so many college in NCR Delhi region I put some college in sitapur in UP as my second choice because i foolishly thought that that were a govt college.and here begins a 4 year trauma of living in almost hell.
Hostel life living away from parents
If you read this far you must have understood what kind of a guy I am, so living away from parents and from New Delhi to a town of UP and college hosted in jungle and mostly the kind of people I interacted there.it was really not good. I was very much dishearted but being from a middle class family with so much of a hope from parents that my son will one day earn well and take us away from this life of hardship.I continued the battle and didnt drop out even if I wanted badly.there was not a single day in these 4 yrs when I didnt talked to my mother back home at every evening, I dont know how many times I cried that Its very very difficult to live without you guys.(tears just come to my eyes by just remembering those bad days.)Thank god he gave me one friend and a room partner with whom I was able to pass that worst time. I marked 8 lines in my diary and after every semester I crossed those one mark to able to see how much of it left to go back home. that was the best day when I was coming back last time and my family was very happy that there son became an Engineer, one more thing we with my friend decided that we will not have any affair or relationship and will directly marry. so no girlfriend type of a thing there also.Few attractions were there but I killed them and not regretting about that.
Fear of studies and homesickness,Masturbation and Pornography,Falling into depression(11 yrs)
This hit me bad when I was in 2nd year of age of 22yrs. I got very afraid that I cant continue in this engineering thing as this is very tough and even If I pass the exams still I will not able to do the real engineering job as this required so much brain I keep telling this to my parents and my father keep encouraged me that initially things looks tough but slowly it will get better.so I decided that whatever happen I will definately achieve this degree.I had so much pressure of homesickness(its that much you can understand that after coming back home in 2011 I have not left my hometown Delhi ), Pornography was there in college its normal thing even now I know.and I was not into these things that much. but I got addicted to masturbation like once in a week and pornography also. and I certainly believe that this masturbation and porn habit though it was not that much as with other people. it give me one of the deadliest disease which i cant even explain to you, whoever young among you is reading this I am warning you and pleading you, please leave these two devils completely out of your life else it will ruin you.this thing weakens my brain in 3rd semester i have got started rigorous hairfall,weakness of body and mind, but that time i was not able to understand because I got my body strength back in 2 days. for my mind it was normal but in reality this habit of masturbation causing deep harm to my body. which i was not able to control despite all my efforts.so in 2008 when I came back to delhi i got hit by mental illness there were symptoms severe headache, confusion,lost focus, memory issue, unable to take decisions and many more. this goes heightened also because i stuck in one more thing which is killing me, what is the true path of life,why so many religions and God and I wanted to know the truth I studied various religious scriptures also and I got so much feared that I cant die without knowing the truth.and I cant follow my parents religion without knowing for sure that it is correct or not.unfortunately I had to to a psychiatrist and here begins a trauma which is still going on they gave me that magic pill. a medications which can sort my mind out. I ,a young lad, trusted the doctors that yeah they are right in whatever they prescribe and in last 2 years of my studies this doctor gave me 7 different kind of antidepressents which numbed me actually. when I came back from college then I went to govt hospital in Delhi to a psychiatrist and he there stops all the medication and said that all this was not necessary and I was misdiagnosed, there I started with a small medication of just 10mg trusted this doctor and no doubt it helped me so much but over the years when i was stable in about 2014 i wanted to stop but my parents does not want me to stop and even my doctor. and I knew that this medication slowly killing me frm inside those who never use antidepressents can never understand what I am saying, just think that this tablet create a numbing effect on you or take away all your real emotions it makes you a zombie. and give you heightened emotions sometimes when not required also it hurt me so badly I cant even explain you some incident :-

in one of my early interview I was crying sitting on footpath with fear that how will i be able to live this hard life.how will people earn.when I enter the room interviewer gave me a glass of water and ask me to come back after a month and dont panic. I was in so mch pressure of getting a job after my degree and it was tough.

I got selected in one IT recruitment company and on third day i got so much un restless and fearful without any reason that i left my desk went to manager cabin locked my self inside and lie down on floor and slept and after 2 hrs manager open the door from different key and from next day they didnt picked me up for a job.

Crying in washrooms is extremely common whenever my boss scold me or anybody hurts me.up until now.i never told anybody in my office that i am suffering from some brain disease else they will fire me I know. many more incident like this in my life.

Searching for job after passing from tier 3 college and work till now(since 2011)
this is a common story of many many guys of my type. Funny thing was that I didnt knew how to search a job and what a job is all about and how to plan a career , I knew nothing, first six month after completing a degree I left everything and just rested because I got exhausted and most probably this was a blunder. I was started searching a job and joined one of my friend in his company as Recruiter. after six month i got introduced by one of my relative of govt job and I shifted my focus in govt job preparation because the relative made a pressure on me to have a govt job cos he selected me for his girl.this i wll tell in next section in detail.then I joined a part time job in a call center because i was in another trauma as my first engagement broke and I didnt knew what to do ahead as one year already passed. so I worked there 14 months in just 4k rs pm. then I left to work in noida and good company call center and got ok amount 17500 pm worked there also 14 months till 2015 and then I was totally unsured what to do now, so I was getting promoted to quality manager there but after a degree that is not what I wanted to do so i decided that I will do a job in software anyhow.and after that I will decide further.so I left that job also and join another company in 20k pm worked there 6 months gathered all money then left and join one training institute in Noida and get my self trained there for 6 months and then gave interviews in IT companies as a fresher i had a 6 years gap. i got rejected by 11 companies and 12 one selected me. there I worked 2+ years. they have exploited me to the core and I was so much naive that I didnt understand that.I was a java guy and they asked me to learn .net so it was a do or die for me they gave only 3000 pm for training for first 4 months. i had my savings i never mind I wanted to learn . but i think now I stuck in wrong company . they trained me in .net then gave me a project of devops . i introduced devops by learning all by myself from internet whatever I can.created automatic infrastructure the best way I can alone. then they asked me to learn android then angular then big data omg it was overwhelming.I made one app backend its still live on playstore. and maintain many other . despite having my depression and other problems taking tool on my mental health. from last year oct 2018 many incident happened back to back that i asked my manager and ceo to give me off for a month they denied then i told them about my depression and they asked me to leave saying i am not able to work.they indireclty fired me in feb 2019. since then Its been 8 months i am at home.
Engagement and breakup
This was really tough when I came back in 2011 from college I went to one of my relative who is asst engg. in Delhi govt for guidance and help and he chose me for his daughter . I was on cloud nine . very happy . new graduate , got engaged to a beautiful girl , she is a lawyer. we fall in love. or I am wrong actually I fall in love. girls dont fall in love may be its very easy for them to move on . we got engaged for one year and as I told you earlier her father wish me to live as he asked me , he keeps me lecture every time.i got frustrated. I got a bit religious and the girl said to her father that he cant live with a religious type boy, I told her that now we are engaged dont do this , you will live the way you want to. but she got adamant and her father also.and said I become conservative and girls wants a handsome boys. i was just become simple nothing else. like simplest dresses , she doesnt like the way I dress. she asked me to change this or she will not live with me , I told her father that your daughter cant be happy with me why are you doing this to her. please stop. they dont want to stop but they want to change me , few things she said to me after a year of engagement which i still remember that , I ll have a dark future with you, why you come to my father for a job, I cant live the life of restrictions until this time I got so attached to her but I cant compromise on the way of life i am living.so I have to leave her . it was a big thing for all family and mostly on me because i was alone in this decision and my family is not in my support that time. they used to say “shadi karlo baad me jese marzi rahna who will say anything.” this breakup also shattered me , I have to move on I started a job in a call center parttime.
Life in a call centre(2.5yrs)
I think every graduate should work in call center for six month and not more than that. what I will write here about that it was also working hell.lol.every minute is counting 3 comapnies of call center I worked all same.they count every minute you go to washroom, toilet, outside, and thats also every day. its like work is not more on some day or less on some day. it s that work is there always.and its simply sucks.its only for high energy young people , it enhances your communication and stress management,more then six month is not good.
Leaving the job and preparing for it after 6 years
This was a big decision as I told you. I took it and succeeded. after a gap of six years and working hell of call center I think that now is the time that I have to move on to my job. and I took the chance. I started learning programing from for loop and learned 6 months all basic and algorithms, linked list and what not.
Getting my first IT job as a associate software engineer(2+yrs)
That was one of the happiest day of my life that I deserve my degree to some extent at least as out of 8 candidates that day I was the only one that was able to solve the programming problem and get selected.such a happy day it was.
Rigorous learning again(2yrs)
for 2 years I learned so much things, .net upto mvc. front end, devops, some big data,api, etc etc etc..
Emotional affair with married woman and heartbreak
This I cant tell you what it did to me .its long story if you want to read I asked the question related to same on quora last year, that time idint knew that much worst ahead read link
https://justpaste.it/41enq
she broke me 70% almost. but good thing was I knew I am wrong in that just this one thing gives me strength to come out of this.
Getting fired from my job
This is what I was not able to bear and I informed to my bosses that I need a break and they gave me permanent break…..lol.
Emotional affairs within girl other caste and fight with parents.
another blow omg that time I was desperate for marriage so that I can free from this emotional and physical requirement. I got a contact from a girl from a matrimonial site and we talked around one month and she have all what I wanted , education looks religiousness. we met , we liked each othe and I though now things will get settled and I told her that I will not take anything in dowry and I jst want marriage asap , initially she was hesitant to disclose this in front to her parents before the assurance from my side. and I was 100% sure from my parents side that they will not deny at all. because of whatever happened with me . so I told her . and then I informed my parents but surprisingly my father denied completely and said that go and marry, but leave my house as the girl from other caste , i requeste them so much that after this much long i liked some girl whom i can marry and she knows everything about me , please let me do so. all my family member that time got hold of fake izzat. any how I agree my mother to atleast see the girl they went with me there home and as I know they rejected as our community wont accpet them. so I was very very disheartened but I kept my patience and trust on God that things will get better.It unable to start , i felt so much guilty , the girl cried for 3 days . I asked forgiveness said i can t go against my parents wishes.
Second engagement and breakup
From there they take me to there relatives who have many daughters to choose from someone and I chose one because I wanted to marry asap. they liked me then again we talked and my sister also to a girl . everyting going fine . the girl side very mch interested for this relationship they want to fix the engagement asap. the day before they are coming to fix this . I dnt want it to be fix on some lie. i called a girl and informed her about my health issue and career issue. they came and got reluctant and without fixing anything went back then after second day they asked us to come to fix things , I was again on cloud nine hundred nine that finally everything fixed. I told them that I have good experience and no problem of a job , i will have a job soon . and for my health I will try to stop the medications. but one thing happened in informing all these to them that I lost my value.and they now are taking me for granted. aisa behave tha jese ahsaan kar rahe hain…we all went there house for engagment , I bought a diamond ring for her , clothes for her of my choice. with my relatives we went there. its not in my mind but my relatives dont like there hosting and made a drama. there come too many things for next 2 days and finally they cancelled the engagement , I asked them to atleast once let me talk to her. what happened.but they didnt allow. I got bedridden for a month.
Lost all hope and will to live
in all these days my medications jumps from 10mg to 225mg. and it has its side effects also. after last incident I lost all my wish to live at all. I prayed god to please take me away from this world.Because I will never do suicide . its against my religion and believes. but inside me nothing left. this happened in june 2019 and I am able to do lil works in oct and writing now. i decided to left my medications also whatsoever. I will not live a live on medications.If i will live , It will be my own. though I dnt want to live at all this kind of life.I have lost my health career relationship. from last 6 months i dont have any money . my parents giving me just for survival. 1000 pm I am surviving. locked up in my room, left my medications to 66% just 75mg remains. it hurt my body very badly. when I woke up in morning there is a swelling too much of my face every day. i cant focus to do simple work on computer continiously for 3 hrs. but death has not yet occured. so i think still something remains on earth. i am trying to recover. and hoping that good days may come. I have not achieved what I dreamed of. I want to live on the lap of God. The most hurtful thing is my brain condition which is not able to handle simple stresses like above many people may handle above things easily. but its really tough for me now very much . I really dont know what is the life of happiness. though I am fortunate to have able parents who even can support me now.but from inside nothing left. now I am really afraid to continue in engineering because i fear more pressure on brain will do harm to my brain . and rest I dont know what to do.
Recovering and never give up
I also wanted to live a happy life like many others.I will not suicide. but I dont know until when I can able to handle these pressures.Because now my body and mind is not giving me enough support to fight these pressures.I know people have more hardships then me but its not comparable with anyone to anyone.
Positive things in my life:-

God Almighty

My parents, super supportive, and very patient I love them

Hope

Good home with all basic facilities

My lovely nieces and nephews

I am proud that I achieved many things which I decided, like I didn't achieved many.

Few good friends.

Aur bhi bht hoga jo mujhe abhi yaad nahi aa rha.

Thank you
God Bless you all.

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Passionlifetime

I visited doc on  oct 2019 he told me that its almost impossible for me to come off from drugs and work normally 

I told him I dont want on it anymore anyhow its damaging me from inside. He put me on psychotherapy which is to be scheduled 

in december 2019. He said If I can do without meds then he will be more then happy. I am taking the chance because this is only one life given to us.I refuse to give up.let see what to come.I ll keep on updating.

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Passionlifetime

I have lost my health career and relationship all , Please help...See my first post for details. Below my med details.

2007-2011-> paroxetine,fluxetine,citalopram,escitalopram
2011-2015->Venlor xr (effexor) 37.5mg
2015-2016->Venlor xr (effexor) 37.5mg twice a day
2016-2017->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg morning and 37.5mg evening
2017-2018->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg twice a day
oct 2018-jun2019->Venlor xr (effexor) 150mg morning and 75mg evening
**Withdrawing without doc permission*********.
jun2019-Oct2019->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg twice a day 

Oct2019-present->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg once a day 

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SkyBlue

Hello and welcome to SA. Thank you also for filling out a signature so that we can see your most recent changes to your medications.

 

It looks like you have been through a lot. I'm not able to read through your entire first post at this time, and was wondering if you could please clarify what you are seeking guidance for so that we can best help you. We are volunteer/peers who support one another in coming off harmful psych drugs. 

 

Here is some important information on safe tapering: https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/1024-why-taper-by-10-of-my-dosage/

 

 

Also -- your doctor has no business telling you that you will not be able to withdraw from psych drugs and live life normally. That's just not true. Many people have safely withdrawn and not only lived, but thrived. This is your life and you get to decide to free yourself from harmful drugs. Welcome.

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SkyBlue

Note: I just approved previous topic. Please, only one topic per person. 

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Passionlifetime

Thank you so much skyblue for Replying , I read a lot on this site and here I just need a peer support , someone to whom I can talk , who can UNDERSTAND what I am going through , most people wont understand who have never went it through themselves.

Sorry for the long story:-

short version is below.

-Bully(15yrs) in childhood

-My teenage love(8 yrs) unrequitted and she is a mother of two kids now.

-Science and engineering(3yrs) - tough study for avg student

-Fear of studies and homesickness,Masturbation and Pornography,Falling into depression(11 yrs)

-Searching for job after passing from tier 3 college and work till now(since 2011) - this was rough really with all those medicines in my system I didnt knew that all those fear was neuro emotions.

-Engagement and breakup(2nd serious relationship break after one year of courtship and engagement)

-Life in a call centre(2.5yrs) - inferiority complex waiting for good to happen , it was until 2016

-Leaving the job and preparing for it after 6 years (begin again from zero for career.)

-Getting my first IT job as a associate software engineer(2+yrs) that was a good after lot of struggle

-Emotional affair with married woman and heartbreak - than this happen  unfortunately and shattered me. my medications keep on increasing.

-Getting fired from my job- I was not able to cope up from all the stress and lost my dear job.feb 2019

-Emotional affairs within girl other caste and fight with parents. parents despite knowing all my conditions doesnt agree , this break me almost.still I bear for parents somehow.

-Second engagement and breakup- they hit me and I lost my will to live , I loved this girl and all family was happy but still it breaks .

-Lost all hope and will to live
in all these days my medications jumps from 10mg to 225mg. 

-Recovering and never give up- after 4 months on bed - I wish death from God but was definate that I will not commit suicide , and God has not called me yet to him.

- I am begining again from Zero.. 

 

-I am fighting from my family and doctor and doing all this tapering alone , going against a doc is tough. I need few good words only from you guidance.

 

 

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Passionlifetime

 I read a lot on this site and here I just need a peer support , someone to whom I can talk , who can UNDERSTAND what I am going through , most people wont understand who have never went it through themselves.

Sorry for the long story:-

short version is below.

-Bully(15yrs) in childhood

-My teenage love(8 yrs) unrequitted and she is a mother of two kids now.

-Science and engineering(3yrs) - tough study for avg student

-Fear of studies and homesickness,Masturbation and Pornography,Falling into depression(11 yrs)

-Searching for job after passing from tier 3 college and work till now(since 2011) - this was rough really with all those medicines in my system I didnt knew that all those fear was neuro emotions.

-Engagement and breakup(2nd serious relationship break after one year of courtship and engagement)

-Life in a call centre(2.5yrs) - inferiority complex waiting for good to happen , it was until 2016

-Leaving the job and preparing for it after 6 years (begin again from zero for career.)

-Getting my first IT job as a associate software engineer(2+yrs) that was a good after lot of struggle

-Emotional affair with married woman and heartbreak - than this happen  unfortunately and shattered me. my medications keep on increasing.

-Getting fired from my job- I was not able to cope up from all the stress and lost my dear job.feb 2019

-Emotional affairs within girl other caste and fight with parents. parents despite knowing all my conditions doesnt agree , this break me almost.still I bear for parents somehow.

-Second engagement and breakup- they hit me and I lost my will to live , I loved this girl and all family was happy but still it breaks .

-Lost all hope and will to live
in all these days my medications jumps from 10mg to 225mg. 

-Recovering and never give up- after 4 months on bed - I wish death from God but was definate that I will not commit suicide , and God has not called me yet to him.

- I am begining again from Zero.. 

 

-I am fighting from my family and doctor and doing all this tapering alone , going against a doc is tough. I need few good words only from you guidance.

 

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Passionlifetime

can I use biotin and finisteride medication with effexor as I am treating for my hair loss also? . please help.

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Passionlifetime

I want to add few things after initiating tapering from jun 2019 onwards and its oct 2019 . Initial 3 months was hell , I sleep for 18 hrs out of 24 , i cant focus or talk much now better.

 

4 months in tapering dose 75mg every night venlafaxine xr

Environment:-

  • no stress related to marriage, career and health..I just left everything as I was expecting death when  I was into all said stress and also withdrawal.I am at home dependent on my parents completely. No job,nomoney,no relationship nothing but I have very very lovely family and 4 friends who supporting me . I invlove my friend in this ordeal, previously no one knows this except my family, sharing things and getting support from friends has give me real positivity.
  • now acceptance of things and trying not looking for past and being sad , really have very positive impact , though whenever I thinks about past I become very sad
  • I diverted my self completly Initially I just did whatever I feel like , sleep eat  repeat was only thing for two months .
  • I need to see when I will go and take all above stress then how things will turn .
  • I know one thing for sure that If I get crying or angry then my emotions not going back to normal pretty soon it takes around 2 days.So I control too much and not allow myself to indulge in any argument and simply keep myself away from heightened emotions.
  • I love to talk to forefingers, so these days I go online and talking people from around the world on vedio chat and made few random friends , it gives me little high , I think its good for the brain health.
  • I am ambitious person, preparing once again for new targets in life and it also giving me some surge and this all i think helping me 
  • Though my doc said that its not possible that I can live without medications some day or another I will have to take medications. I dont want that . I will try my excellent in this journey. 

Positives:-

  • Anxiety reduced
  • stress tolerance increased
  • headache reduced
  • good deep sleep and not 18 hrs but less like 12 hrs around.

Negatives:-

  • voice hurt me most , when I try to sleep then slight voice make my heart and mind pounding. its reduces but still there
  • Shivering of lower body below waist 
  • some tinnitus which keep coming and going.
  • I am a virgin , never had sex, dont know what these meds did to me sexually , I am planning to get married soon once i get a job in next year , for that things I am really afraid. Though sometimes I am not able to control my desires and do masturbation and the following 7 days I feel very much fatigued , or less of strength , I dont knw why, I am trying nofap the best I can.I ll see this in future.
  • one thing demoralizes me to the core when doc said that its not possible and going to hospital into psych ward makes me mad and sad.he reffered me to therapy and they say that I need therapy so that i can do without med,. I will try and see what they will teach me there, though I am afraid that it will make my confidence down. still lets see for future.

May Allah(swt) give cure all of you who are suffering.I know its not at all easy.I ll keep updating this thread for my own record even if no one reply.

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manymoretodays

Hi PF,

Welcome.  Please post here.  This is your main introduction.  I have merged and remerged, and got all your initial posts gathered here now.

You can and should always check drug interactions before using any new drugs.

This can be done here:  https://www.drugs.com/interaction/list/

 

And it also looks like you may have recently just done a 50% reduction to your VenlorXR(Effexor).   Thanks for getting your signature done.

 

Before you begin tapering- what you need to know

We recommend that a person taper by no more than 10% of their current dose with at least a four week hold in-between decreases.  The 10% taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs.
  
 
 

 

When we take medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made.  The CNS likes stability. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.
 
We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil).

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,
mmt

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Rhiannon

 

2017-2018->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg twice a day
oct 2018-jun2019->Venlor xr (effexor) 150mg morning and 75mg evening
**Withdrawing without doc permission*********.
jun2019-Oct2019->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg twice a day 

Oct2019-present->Venlor xr (effexor) 75mg once a day 

 

Thanks for filling in your drug signature. If I am reading it correctly it looks like you were increased on the Venlor in October of 2018, about a year ago, from 150 mg a day to 225 mg a day. Why was that increase made?

 

It looks like in June you went back to 150 mg a day and then this month you cut that in half to 75 mg a day. That is a very harsh and rapid taper and I would not recommend it. In my experience, people who have been on an AD for as many years as you have, do very poorly with such a rapid taper.

 

What day in October did you first take only 75 mg a day? Is it possible to go back to 150 mg a day now, so you can taper more safely from here forward? I think you may need more time to recover from cutting from 225 mg to 150 mg in June, it's too soon to make another large cut. If you were stable on 150 mg a day you can taper by 10% or less at a time, as we recommend.

 

This website can help you taper safely, but in order to do that you must be stable to begin with, and with the harsh cuts you have made, you are probably not going to be stable for quite some time. Are you willing to do a more careful taper?

 

Please read all the links that manymoretodays posted for you above. Take the time to learn about how to taper successfully. You can definitely do it, but you can't do it fast or carelessly, that will not lead to success. You need to take the time to learn how to do it in a way that will work, and then you will be able to do it.

 

Note: I am not currently a moderator on this site. I was one in the past but I was away from the site for several years. Please follow the instructions of the moderators. I don't think they will disagree with what I have said above.

 

Also:  If you have taken any other medications (benzodiazepines, other ADs, etc.) over the years, please add those to your drug signature when you get a chance.

 

I don't mean to sound negative. I believe you have made a good decision to try to come off of these medications. You will find that even just reducing your dosage, if you do it slowly enough, can make you feel much better. I know it can be done, I have seen people do it many times, and I have done it myself. I think there is hope for a bright future for you. However, it must be done safely, otherwise you can end up suffering more than you can imagine, and I don't want that to happen to you.

 

Also just FYI I have been to New Delhi once, a very long time ago, and I loved it. 🙂

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Rhiannon

Also, I too love to speak with people from other countries on the Internet. Isn't it wonderful that we can do that? 

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Passionlifetime

Thanks RN , I was desperately waiting for someone's reply at least. 
I am feeling kind of much OK , and I really dont want to reinstate until really bad things will happen and I pray that those will not happen.

yeah definitely we can do video calls .

 

I saw that whenever I got some big stress then My medication increases. Like last year in oct  I had miserable relationship issue , so it happened . when you read first post you will get to know everything ,. sorry its long. its 30yrs of life. 

thanks buddy'

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Passionlifetime

Just tell me such harsh taper will not result in death and I will be ready to face what may come.But I dont want another day on AD's I want to live my life I have been put on AD when I was just 20 yr old. I cant tell you how much I suffered . last months sweating and swelling of face was worst and felt like something tingling at two places on my head.still there is slight tingling , like some irritation . sometime I feel that I dont have central upper part of my brain. it feels empty , totally numb . My most issue is lot of fatigue and very less energy of working but from last week it improves a lot. when I made 225 to 150 it was abolute hell for a month and then again from 150 to 75 it was very tough now I ll not do it until six months i think. I want to have much strength before going any further.

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Rhiannon

My advice will not change and my time is pretty limited so I will not be reposting the same advice over and over again.   You can come back to these posts if you have questions.

 

You have tapered very rapidly. With a long term history on ADs, this generally leads to a poor outcome and a lot of suffering. In the first months symptoms can come and go, but after years on ADs, the recovery and withdrawal process will unfold over years, and there can be a lot of delayed reactions and future suffering. It doesn't matter how tough you are. Nobody is stronger than these drugs. You don't have to believe me, but I do know what I am talking about. I think most of the people on this site can confirm.

 

Please read the links in manymoretoday's post, and everything you can find to read in the Tapering section, about how to taper safely.

 

You are already suffering from trying to come off these drugs much faster than is safe.  In October you made another huge cut, 50%.  The suffering you are experiencing can get worse and is not going to magically disappear. I have seen hundreds of people go through this process. A safe, careful taper is the only way to avoid more suffering.

 

It doesn't matter if you are tough. Toughness doesn't help when your brain is scrambled. The strongest people are brought to the ground by these drugs and withdrawal.

 

Personally I think the best bet for you at this point is to reinstate to somewhere around 100 to 150 mg a day, allow about six months to stabilize, and then to start a safe taper, if you are stable at that time. Other moderators may have different suggestions about the best dose to reinstate to but I think they will all agree that you have cut too much too fast and you need to slow this process down before the tsunami hits (which, believe it or not, it has not hit yet, it can be worse.)

 

I will not have time to repeat this advice. I do know what I'm talking about. I have been doing this for over ten years and I have seen hundreds and hundreds of people go through this.

 

Please read and learn and listen and take the advice of the moderators. Good luck to you! 

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Passionlifetime

I apologize if I was rude.

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Passionlifetime

Please suggest me one thing , should I continue my programming job with these tapers or should I have to leave my career and choose any low profile low mental stress job, Is it not possible to take high stress on this meds.

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Passionlifetime

Please add me on facebook , then we can have video calls .............☺️

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manymoretodays

Hi PL,

Could you tell us how you were doing on the Effexor XR 75 mg taken twice a day?

 

And then when did you go to the once a day dosing?  Do you remember the date in October?  That would be really helpful to know.

What time do you take your Venlor XR(Effexor XR) and then what is your symptom pattern like each day?

 

You've been going much faster than we would ever recommend with your taper, to date.

Ideally, if one does a well planned taper, there would be no reason to switch jobs.  Are you able to work at present?

 

Are you interested in doing a more well planned taper?  I mean that's what we try to help with here.  In a harm reduction way.

 

Okay, and best,

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Your not being rude PL, it's just that we don't usually do face time support here.  We are an internet forum for help with tapering and support around that mainly.

Maybe this will help:  About SurvivingAntidepressants.org  

We do get what you might be going through, and you may make a friend eventually here, who might like to do one on one facetime with you.  Most of us prefer a bit of anonymity though.  And many of us are busy living lives as well.  Sorry for the bit of a delay in getting you going.......and let us know how we can help you with tapering, or a tapering plan.

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Passionlifetime

Hi MMTD

As far as I understood till now what I find that I am doing Good with effexor 75mg once twice or thrice a day , until my situations are normal , even now at present I am at home not working and feeling ok just some continious physical pressure on top of head. previously when I had high stress about my career and marriage issue then it seems no medication works, thats why I want to get rid of that. Though I learn now much to control my anger and  handling my stresses much better then before.Like I am not panicking.

 

I dont remember the exact date but I think it was first week in oct when I reduced the dose.I dont want to do micro taper, a bit of suffering I think I can bear because I bear much really in the month of jun,july,aug and sep. these months was absolutely hellish when I was down from 225 to 150mg a day and with all those stresses in high amount. I was having many symptoms and I was also not experience many.

 

Yesterday I was watching a movie , the concept was struggle of lower class people and ultimately achieving success related to getting admission in prestigious Indian engineering college.the movie name is super 30. I remember all my struggle to  coming from lower middle class family in India and cracking entrance ecxamination of engineering college and getting studied and earning a degree in computer engineering and then after passing out not getting a job due to many reasons and last 8 year of struggle and after all these now sitting at home empty handed. I cried super hard in my room alone feeling that all my hard work gone in vain.this kind of emotions sometimes got too much to handle and I was not able to keep patience but I think this is normal human reaction and not related to any mental disease as they say i have. after my breakup I was not able to cry till 4 months but Now I can.I think this is improvement. so I want to get rid of these medications asap.

 

I am just afraid of one thing that these medications must not done any damage to mybrain or did something that  I will not able to do my engineering job which require high mental focus. this is what i want to know that

 

Can a person suffered from mental illness or antidepressent abuse till so long , can he able to perform high mental stress job?? Do we have such examples?Please tell me. I may quit my career due to this fear, because I dont want to risk anymore time else I cant choose any other career also.In india age really matters.

 

Thanks 

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Passionlifetime

and Rhiannon comment  has really disheartened me it bolted my confidence that I will bound to suffering in future if not now if i do taper like this. 

 

My plan to be on current dose of 75mg until I will get a job and be stable in that , If require then I will reinstate if i feel but that also if that will be absolute necessasity , 

once I ll get a job and be settle then I want to reduce next to 37.5mg after min 4 months and then will see things in future to leave further in half then leave comletely 

 

I want to get free from these meds in next year completely.

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Rhiannon

I'm not trying to scare you, but I AM definitely trying to get you to pay attention, and to get you to listen to the moderators and to take their advice, and to read the information on here, and to SLOW DOWN. 

 

Nobody will prevent you from going faster, we have no control over what you do. However, the taper that people advise here will be no more than 10% of the current dose at one time. If you want support for cutting by 50% at a time, you will not find that here.

 

The length of time that withdrawal symptoms last, and their severity, generally correlates with the length of time on the medication (apparently there are actually studies showing this, finally, although I don't have the link right now).  There are great variations from one individual to another, however. 

 

I don't think you need to worry about permanent brain damage. I've seen many, many people come off these meds and recover over time and enjoy a very satisfying life and mental function. However, there have been virtually no studies of the long-term effects of these drugs, so I can't offer any scientific proof.

 

I'm not sure what you want from this forum, since it looks like you already have made a plan. Perhaps if you don't want advice, you could let us know how we can help you.

 

 

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manymoretodays

Passionlifetime,

 

11 hours ago, Passionlifetime said:

As far as I understood till now what I find that I am doing Good with effexor 75mg once twice or thrice a day

 

You will need to take your VenlorXR or EffexorXR regularly for some time.  In hopes of achieving some stability, before tapering.  That means same dose every day, taken at the same time of day.

The XR is for extended release.  What this means is that you only need to take this drug, once a day.  And at the same time of day, every day.

 

11 hours ago, Passionlifetime said:

I dont remember the exact date but I think it was first week in oct when I reduced the dose

 

This is important stuff PL.  If you hope to become drug free someday.  Consistent use of your drug.  Making note of changes.  Dates.  Dosages.  Time of dosages.

 

You've been on these drugs now for 12 years.  Getting off the EffexorXR, is not to be taken lightly now. 

How psychiatric drugs remodel your brain

Read what our friend Rhiannon wrote, in the very first post there.  That might help you to understand a bit more, should you decide to eventually taper.  Meantime, you've been putting your nervous system through some real challenges, with your ill informed changes in your EffexorXR. 

 

I don't really know where to refer you for all of your existential questions and concerns.  I would sure like you to be a bit more harm free, with your medication/drug use now though.  It does sound like you have a lot of self imposed and societal expectations of your self right now.  Try to just focus on same basic care.........fresh air every day, even better if you can get some sunshine, a walk, a regular sleep and waking cycle, good food, and plenty of time away from screens.  If you want to continue with the career you've had experience in, and have been educated for.........I don't see why you can't.  Right now however, it doesn't sound like you are feeling real confident about that.  Try not to compare yourself with others too much, of your age, and with similar expectations.  So sorry that things have not all worked out as you had wished for.  And you have had experiences that were not pleasant.  Many of us have.  That doesn't make us mentally ill, in any case.  It can make it hard to trust, and move forward sometimes though.

 

What symptoms have you had that you can attribute to WD(withdrawal) since your last change in EffexorXR? 

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

Edited by manymoretodays

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Passionlifetime
On 10/21/2019 at 8:52 PM, manymoretodays said:

What symptoms have you had that you can attribute to WD(withdrawal) since your last change in EffexorXR

Today I am not feeling good at all, or very bad , may be because I am not employed and worried very much how to choose further coarse of action, I want to have some certainity and want to go a planned life. I am very confused about my career and marriage now and very dissapointed and hearbroken also.

 

Today very bad things happen , I dont able to understand that is it because of leaving medications or about my situations , but handling these stress getting tough and tough now,

Mostly I am not able to think very clearly and able to DECIDE things

 

Today i had a nap after noon and I really had nightmares very frightening dreams.and very bad emotional feeling like we normally do in evening when sunset happening, worst feeling. down heart type deep sad type.

also not able to think clearly and get satisfaction about my decisions. I think took very bad decision of quitting these meds at this time when all my situations are bad

 

also one imp thing i feel today that I am not feeling good, Like i am not able to feel much things.like empty emotions no good and no bad.its different feeling.

and if gives me fear that am I bound to take AD all my life to feel normal.

 

I thought to reinstate med again but resisting because I am thinking that If I broke now then I can not able to leave it ever again

I want to sort my things without the meds.its getting tough now . I am extremely sad, I cried today.I am not able to get out of these things.i am  feel so stucked.dont understand what to do.

 

I am sorry Rhiannon if I disrespect you....

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Passionlifetime

Please help and I am in need , should I reinstate???should I hold for some more time ..I am feeling much stress for taking decisions about my career , I am out of money sitting at home dependent on parents. 

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Rhiannon

What date in October did you cut your Effexor in half from 150 mg a day to 75 mg a day? What date in June did you cut it from 225 mg a day to 150 mg a day?

 

What you are experiencing (the mental confusion, bad feelings, nightmares) sounds like withdrawal. My guess is that you were already in withdrawal before you made the cut in October. And now that large 50% cut is starting to add to the withdrawal, so the symptoms are increasing.  I think a partial reinstatement of that cut would be a good idea.  Moderators will have a better idea than I do of what might be a good dosage to reinstate.

 

Or, as an alternative, you can stay on the 75 mg a day and ride out the withdrawal period, which will probably be many months, possibly a year or longer. The symptoms will get worse for a while and then they will get better. I can't say how bad they might get.

 

Perhaps the moderators will give advice, if you are willing to follow it. Also please read the links MMT sent you in the posts above.

 

You definitely CAN get off of ADs and find out who you are without them and how life is for you without them. However, it has to be done slowly and safely, otherwise you will not be able to get off them, and you will probably end up on the original ADs and other drugs as well. That seems to be the typical course for people.

 

You can do this but you must have realistic expectations and take it slowly. 

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Superwoman

Hi Passionlifetime,

 I have been on antidepressants for years also.  That is courageous of you to try to get off the drugs. Please do so smartly.  I believe that the people here know what they are talking about.  They know because they have been through it. Slow and steady wins the race. I know you feel impatient to be off these drugs. I am as well.  However, I also realize that by taking it slow I have the best chance of getting off these drugs in the long run. 
 

Are you currently taking Finisteride Pasionlifetime?  I would not take it. It has some really bad side effects. If you are currently taking this drug it might need to be slowly tapered. 

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Passionlifetime
20 minutes ago, Superwoman said:

That is courageous of you to try to get off the drugs.

Hi Super Women,

Yes it is super hard.

high fatigue, confusion, emotional instability, high stress is too much to bear now. I think that I took a really bad decision to go off the drugs at this stage. though  I dont have any doubt to not leave this.But as of now its really hard.I ll until when I can resist.

 

22 minutes ago, Superwoman said:

Are you currently taking Finisteride Pasionlifetime?

No, I am not. I had a good amount of hair loss. but I will not take any medications which has side effects.

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Passionlifetime
45 minutes ago, Rhiannon said:

What date in October did you cut your Effexor in half from 150 mg a day to 75 mg a day? What date in June did you cut it from 225 mg a day to 150 mg a day?

I dont remember the exact dates but I believe it was first week of june and first week of oct , now please please tell me , should I reinstate and upto how much amount.reinstatement will break my confidence.

 

high fatigue, confusion, emotional instability, high stress ,irritation

major :-  decision making capacity seems very weak and after making any choice i am not able to feel completely satisfied.

 

Please I want to get rid of it. I please suggest me best coarse of action.I read all the links and not thinking to go any more taper until my conditions will get better.

 

 

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Passionlifetime

Although few things got better then previous before taper.

 

  • I feel less tired when waking in morning.
  • Some clarity of vision and vasodilation of eyes greatly improved.
  • Swelling of face  and sweating decreases greatly.

I am really confused. I need to take a decision about my career and marriage which impacts me greatly.Please help and suggest best things.I dont know how to get the advice of moderator.

 

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manymoretodays
On 10/23/2019 at 1:13 PM, Passionlifetime said:

Today very bad things happen , I dont able to understand that is it because of leaving medications or about my situations , but handling these stress getting tough and tough now,

Mostly I am not able to think very clearly and able to DECIDE things

 

Today i had a nap after noon and I really had nightmares very frightening dreams.and very bad emotional feeling like we normally do in evening when sunset happening, worst feeling. down heart type deep sad type.

also not able to think clearly and get satisfaction about my decisions. I think took very bad decision of quitting these meds at this time when all my situations are bad

 

also one imp thing i feel today that I am not feeling good, Like i am not able to feel much things.like empty emotions no good and no bad.its different feeling.

and if gives me fear that am I bound to take AD all my life to feel normal.

 

I thought to reinstate med again but resisting because I am thinking that If I broke now then I can not able to leave it ever again

I want to sort my things without the meds.its getting tough now . I am extremely sad, I cried today.I am not able to get out of these things.i am  feel so stucked.dont understand what to do.

Hi Passionlife......,

What are you working with, as far as your VenlorXR goes?  And have you had a chance to look at the link about Effexor and EffexorXR tapering?  That link is up above, given to you, in one of my initial posts.  And okay here it is again:  Tips for tapering off Effexor and Effexor XR(venlafaxine).    I ask because I am wondering how your medication is packaged........you'll see in that topic/link to tapering around your specific drug, that the XR usually comes with beads inside a capsule or minitabs in a capsule.   Some just plain solid tablets too.  So what have you got to work with?

Are you using 75 mg capsules(small containers that have beads or minitabs in them)? You may have to open up a capsule to see what you have got inside of it.  Or perhaps you just have a solid tablet that you are working with now?

 

From my understanding, you are on 75 mg of the XR now still, and have not left the medication completely.  Which is good.  As that would make things even more difficult.  If you had "left the medication" completely.   What time do you take it?  What time did you take it yesterday?  What time did you take it the day before?

 

Some of your symptoms sure do sound like WD(withdrawal).  Even the confusion now.   All the intensified emotions we often refer to as neuroemotions.  And then you mention feeling flat, or empty emotions or a different feeling.  That could be anhedonia, or some depersonalization.  Really common stuff here in WD(withdrawal) land.   Nightmares too.  And yes, your present situations, and the past year have no doubt caused you to feel emotions, like you never have before, although you do recall your adolescent/teenage emotions pretty well.  It's like that.  The neuroemotions, and then the obsessions on your whole past all balled up into one.  Very trying to try to figure it out. 

And.....it all can interact.  WD and situations.  I think for sure, now, that WD is a major factor in how you are processing everything.  I don't see you as beginning from zero.  You have a degree.  You have a roof over your head and hopefully enough to eat.  Kind parents and a few real life friends.  I think you had mentioned some real life friends.  That's an asset. 

 

You might get some relief of all this, by even going half way up in dose to where you were before doing the most recent 50% drop in dose.  We can help you work with your form of VenlorXR to do this, if you would like.  The sooner the better, if you decide to give it a try.  The experience of many has shown this to be the case.   You could even just try going up in total daily dose to 100 mg.  See how that goes for a week.  If some improvement, well then........there you would be, somewhat improved.........perhaps improved enough to go back to work.  Or begin a relationship that might lead to marriage.  Or just take some further time out.  Helping your parents or others.  Finding your way again.

 

Good, good on your decision not to take the Finasteride.  That could be fraught with difficulties.  Are you taking the Biotin and have you been taking that all along?

That's about all I've got for today, for you PL.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Superwoman

Passionlifetime,

 

Glad to heat that you are not taking the Finisteride. It can cause long term sexual dysfunction that persists even after stopping the drug.  

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Passionlifetime
On 10/25/2019 at 4:24 AM, manymoretodays said:

What are you working with, as far as your VenlorXR goes?  And have you had a chance to look at the link about Effexor and EffexorXR tapering?  That link is up above, given to you, in one of my initial posts.  And okay here it is again:  Tips for tapering off Effexor and Effexor XR(venlafaxine).    I ask because I am wondering how your medication is packaged

its a capsule containing many beads.

 

On 10/25/2019 at 4:24 AM, manymoretodays said:

From my understanding, you are on 75 mg of the XR now still, and have not left the medication completely.  Which is good.  As that would make things even more difficult.  If you had "left the medication" completely.   What time do you take it?  What time did you take it yesterday?  What time did you take it the day before?

Yes until now I have not discontinued medications completely because I was not able to do so and I know I was already very fast.I take it every night before sleeping but not at the same exact time , (I cant be so much strict , I take it between 9pm to 12pm everyday ). In last three days I missed one day and then take it in morning and then evening also .

22 oct-1tab night

23oct-missed in night caused felt not alert to take it and felt very lazy and angry also.

24oct-1tab in morning -1 tab in evening

25-oct -1tab in evening

 

Last night I was not able to sleep (this is same symptom which was like when I started meds in 2008 ,first time after I started taper, very disturbed sleep.or sleep not at all deep.consicious one, can open my eyes anytime. ) , I got very afraid that Initial problems is relapsing.

 

I cant do it like this, I made a mistake to go too fast and too soon. Also SITUATIONS are pretty bad.I cant continue like this sitting at home.I decided to go back on meds as its just one month from last cut. I NEED TO WORK. I left with no money at all.

 

I am very disheartened that I will not able to get away with medication and can CONTINUE my profession. I love my profession and want to succeed in that.Previously I used to think that this meds over the years  hindering my ability to think more deep, and let me feel less robotic emotionless person or heightened emotions here and there. I used to think that If I stop medications then I can think more deeply and with more clarity. BUT now I am not able to think in that capacity which I used to in analysis.Most Importantly 

my DECISION MAKING hurt too much. SATISFACTION after taking a decision also hurts.which was got better on medications.

 

Today I REINSTATED 75mg for morning also.

 

I could bear these relapsing/WD symptoms if I was able to work and decide.I am thinking to postpone this taper and may reinstated again to my full dose if needed because now its 8+ months I am at home. I cant sit at home doing nothing. I know you can understand.I am very DISHEARTENED that my trial is not successful.or I need to hold more but without work I cant. my parents getting older 60+. We saw a dream together. I HAVE to fulfill anyhow.even If I have to take meds. I dont know what it will do to me.I dont know I will be able to try taper again or not.only time will tell.

 

STILL I need support from you guys , every now and then.Please be connect with me with your words.

 

shivering my body from inside is continious from last week , sometimes it gets too much sometimes less.

 

good symptoms:-

sweating and swelling greatly reduced

tremors was very less but disappeared now

vasodilation of eyes much good now.

emotional clarity numbness of emotion reduced

 

bad symtomps:-

Decision making and deep analysis hindered 

shivering of body from inside

tinnitus increased 

 

I am CONFUSED what to do .its difficult to decide I know you can understand.It just one life one decision.

I never want to be on meds for lifetime. but I feel now that I need to be on them for the rest of my life.my doc said it clearly.and I am feeling same now.

 

I have lost many things also and now feeling the same on this taper journey.

 

 

 

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Passionlifetime

Hi Superwoman

I am not taking finniteride or biotin and I will not take it.

I am already hurt by AD dont want to get hurt more by any type of medications

 

I think its in my destiny to live on medications.

 

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Passionlifetime

and I cant do MICRO taper as i found on this site itself that even after microtaper or after last dosage most people suffer WD , so I think that it will be good to updose or downdose on prescribed quatities or 1/2 or1/4 th of amount but not counting beads 

like

37.5mg reduction in velor xr every time and at last 1/2 of 37.5  and then 1/4 of 37.5 by an approximate amount . how is that?

but now I dont want to do that. If I keep this much focus on medications and tapering then I think i cant MOVE on and cant focus on anything else.

 

Now today I have reistating to 150mg ,how will that be? Please help I am very CONFUSED.

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Passionlifetime
On 10/19/2019 at 11:27 PM, Rhiannon said:

Personally I think the best bet for you at this point is to reinstate to somewhere around 100 to 150 mg a day, allow about six months to stabilize, and then to start a safe taper, if you are stable at that time.

I did this today and now try to wait for next six months.  Last night I dont able to sleep and I fear so much .you were right.

Please assure me that it can be possible to go off medication and THRIVE like the way I wanted to. 

Please read above post for symptoms good and bad.

what if doc asked me to updose to 225 mg after a month?

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