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FleeingFluoxetine

Neuro-rage question

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FleeingFluoxetine

Hey, all. I’m wondering if this might be a neuro-rage thing. 
 

For the past two days, every time I see my mother I start to scream at her. This is completely uncharacteristic of me, but I’m saying things I haven’t been able to say for the past thirty years because I’ve been trapped by the meds. Now that the jail cell is starting to open, I’m finally standing up for myself. 
 

My anger is off the charts. I’m still on 50 mg of Seroquel and I’m getting off the rest, but I’m wondering if this could be caused by the med reduction. Yesterday I was seething. I was yelling and crying at her through clenched teeth and I pounded the kitchen table so many times that my hands are bruised. 
 

In my 44 years of life, I’ll never expressed or felt anger like this before. 
 

Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else getting off meds?

 

The thing is, I don’t regret it. I’m finally standing up for myself after three decades of emotional abuse. I’m just surprised at the ferocity of it. 

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Glosmom

My sweet daughter who never used to yell at anyone, has yelled at me, her dad, her brother and sisters, Taylor Swift and the kitchen sink ALOT since tapering the antipsychotic and jumping to zero.  Seems her memories from times in the past have been stirred up as well.   So I am sure there were times in her life (she is 23 and mentally handicapped...but none the less...has a life) where she was mad at her parents and siblings about things.  I like to think she was raised in a loving home, but sometimes she had chores to do or got told, "no" a time or two.  But as she recalls these events OR as she has emotionally spirals, her emotions are WAY more intense than they ever were.  Things are getting better and she is also learning to laugh and be happy again, but yes...I believe she is feeling all her emotions with a lot more intensity...due to withdrawals.

 

Glad you don't regret it.  I am happy to have talks with my daughter (and listen to her) about all she is angry about as many times as she needs it.  I just want her to heal and be happy again one day.

 

Wishing you continued healing and peaceful days, Glosmom

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FleeingFluoxetine

What did Taylor Swift do? :)

 

Thanks for the reply. It’s nice to know people are out there who are going through this. 
 

I don’t necessarily know that it’s the drug withdrawal but I’ve been on SSRIs of one form or another since I was 19, so it’s possible that the rage is from the withdrawal. I hope this isn’t part of who I am because it’s not pretty. 😕

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hayduke

There'll be years of suppressed anger under the numbing effects of the drugs.

 

More anger as you realise what being drugged has cost you in life as you come off.

 

Then there's the rage from any unresolved trauma which may have led to being drugged.

 

It's all warranted if you ask me.  Finding healthy outlets for it is essential!  There are many ways.  I like exercise, writing, bar fights in VR...what works for you?

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sunnysideup69

When I first jumped off Citalopram, in 2015, I was elated......until the rage set in. I was SO angry, had no patience for anyone. Admittedly, I had jumped off at 5mg and that was definitely exacerbating it, but boy, was I impatient.

 

Interesting to me also was that I had the same reaction when tapering up, and kindling, in 2008. I absolutely screamed at my brother on the phone, which I've never done before...and it was entirely out of proportion to the event.

 

I think that normal niggles get amplified during the tapering process.

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hayduke

Definitely a factor, @sunnysideup69 ... "Irritable" is such a chunky understatement for the discomforts of wds!

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sunnysideup69
2 minutes ago, hayduke said:

Definitely a factor, @sunnysideup69 ... "Irritable" is such a chunky understatement for the discomforts of wds!

 

For sure! Irritable doesn't even come close!

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getofflex
On 10/16/2019 at 12:56 PM, FleeingFluoxetine said:

Hey, all. I’m wondering if this might be a neuro-rage thing. 
 

For the past two days, every time I see my mother I start to scream at her. This is completely uncharacteristic of me, but I’m saying things I haven’t been able to say for the past thirty years because I’ve been trapped by the meds. Now that the jail cell is starting to open, I’m finally standing up for myself. 
 

My anger is off the charts. I’m still on 50 mg of Seroquel and I’m getting off the rest, but I’m wondering if this could be caused by the med reduction. Yesterday I was seething. I was yelling and crying at her through clenched teeth and I pounded the kitchen table so many times that my hands are bruised. 
 

In my 44 years of life, I’ll never expressed or felt anger like this before. 
 

Has this sort of thing happened to anyone else getting off meds?

 

The thing is, I don’t regret it. I’m finally standing up for myself after three decades of emotional abuse. I’m just surprised at the ferocity of it. 

Yes!  This happened to me today.  I experienced abuse growing up, and my mother and father in law were controlling and domineering, and didn't treat me well. They are dead now.  I had a lot of rage resurface today that the meds had been making me unaware of all those years I was on them.  How did I deal with this rage?  I did some journaling about it.  Then, I took a LARGE sheet of paper, and a big piece of graphite (I'm an artist), and I scribbled really hard all over the paper, feeling the rage come out as I was scribbling.  I did this to four sheets of paper.  I had a lot of pent up anger and rage.  Then, I burned up these papers in my fireplace.  I think it is very important for me to express my emotions, and not bottle them up. 

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SolarPlexus
On 10/17/2019 at 2:56 AM, FleeingFluoxetine said:

What did Taylor Swift do? :)

 

Thanks for the reply. It’s nice to know people are out there who are going through this. 
 

I don’t necessarily know that it’s the drug withdrawal but I’ve been on SSRIs of one form or another since I was 19, so it’s possible that the rage is from the withdrawal. I hope this isn’t part of who I am because it’s not pretty. 😕

@FleeingFluoxetine I'm 21 months into withdrawal from the poisonous SSRI Cipralex and have been having rage episodes too. They happen especially during PMS. It's horrible and making me feel like a nasty person. I just get suddenly triggered and act on manic impulse, losing my temper at loved ones. I was never like this before taking those meds then coming off them. I am praying for all of us that this whole frikkin' WD ends soon and takes with it all this madness. 

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Cici

This is waaay the hardest part of my withdrawal right now. Intense rage episodes , usually a few days after a cut from lepraxo, sometimes feeling like several nuclear bombs are going off in me at the same time, which can lead to chest pain. Its totally uncharacteristic...

It's been causing problems with family members as it's been directed at them. Last episode I even kicked a hole through a door, its so frightening, like being possessed. 

I now know its related to reducing the dose, I can kind of plan for it and expect it to come up a few days after a reduction. In the past, when I couldn't trust this was withdrawal related, it was so distressing, I felt I was becoming a monster and perhaps I should  stay on medication  for ever to suppress these recently emerged character defects!!  Solar plexus I can totally relate to the intense amplification of PMS symptoms in withdrawal. I make sure I never do a reduction just before I'm due. 

 

It must be particularly difficult for people who were angry before they were put on these drugs and then withdraw, only to become out- of -control and perhaps do something terrible. 

 

This is now making me very mad at the pharmaceutical companies!! Deep breathes...

 

 

 

 

 

 

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SolarPlexus
On 6/30/2020 at 3:42 PM, Cici said:

This is waaay the hardest part of my withdrawal right now. Intense rage episodes , usually a few days after a cut from lepraxo, sometimes feeling like several nuclear bombs are going off in me at the same time, which can lead to chest pain. Its totally uncharacteristic...

It's been causing problems with family members as it's been directed at them. Last episode I even kicked a hole through a door, its so frightening, like being possessed. 

I now know its related to reducing the dose, I can kind of plan for it and expect it to come up a few days after a reduction. In the past, when I couldn't trust this was withdrawal related, it was so distressing, I felt I was becoming a monster and perhaps I should  stay on medication  for ever to suppress these recently emerged character defects!!  Solar plexus I can totally relate to the intense amplification of PMS symptoms in withdrawal. I make sure I never do a reduction just before I'm due. 

 

It must be particularly difficult for people who were angry before they were put on these drugs and then withdraw, only to become out- of -control and perhaps do something terrible. 

 

This is now making me very mad at the pharmaceutical companies!! Deep breathes...

 

 

 

 

 

 

@Cici@Cici I totally understand. I took time off work but before leaving I had two quarrels with two colleagues. Never fought like that at work before. Then a month ago, a slightly mean joke someone dear to me cracked made me break down in tears and I pushed them. Then I went into my room and stared at the ceiling and thought "what the hell just happened." Yes, like being possessed. I totally hear you. It's like something physically detonates in the brain then you react on the spot. Thankfully the person in question forgave me but overall I'm not too pleasant to be around in WD. As for pms, this has evolved into a freak show in WD. I not only direct anger at others but at myself too. I get endless dark thoughts about myself in pms. Now, regarding pharmaceutical companies I literally despise them. After WD is over I'm only going to see naturopaths or homeopaths etc. If I can help it, I am never again going to ingest any man-invented chemical. I used to say I could never date anyone working in a corrupt, detrimental sector like weapons or tobacco. Now I've added pharma to the list. If he sells drugs I don't wanna know him. 

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Cici

I am with you on that 100 percent SolarPlexus. What we have been subjected to as trial "guinea pigs" (no studies on long term use beyond about 6 months I think, or maybe its 3) and being given no assistance at all in withdrawal , or even validation that what we're experiencing is real, is a crime quite frankly. 

 

I'm so sorry you're struggling with the extreme side of this too. I don't know about you, but it's this fear of the rage and aggressive energy that really is slowing down my tapering process cos I'm so frightened of it and don't feel I can trust myself when it bubbles up. 

 

I just want to heal so I can campaign on this in the future and increase awareness. People need to wake up to this crime. 

 

I am with you so much on the PMS in withdrawal triggering really dark thoughts directed at myself too, as well as others. 

 

I wonder if the rage side effect is particularly linked with lepraxo. Ive come off other SSRIs and never experienced anything like this. 

 

Take care

Thanks for sharing about this cos Ive been quite ashamed about this aspect and sooo relieving to know I'm not alonexx

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SolarPlexus

@Cici Don't worry, you're not alone in any of this. Regarding Lexapro, I discovered from everything I've read that it's one of the strong SSRIs and I had gone up to a dose of 20 mg. Yikes. I was on this drug for 2 years but at different dosages, starting from 5mg up till 20mg towards the end. When I came off those drugs I had a massive panic attack that landed me in ER screaming in terror, like a scene from The Exorcist. I couldn't even control the screaming. I felt possessed. I've been on a rollercoaster of symptoms since. If you ever have queries on Lexapro symptoms, you can ask me. I'm on my 22nd month of WD. I've also found natural ways to relieve some of the symptoms, some with greater success than others (such as anxiety - found two golden books that really helped me). Btw you should add a drug signature to your profile (like the one I have below my posts) to give others an idea of what drugs you used, for how long, in what dosage, etc. This allows others to understand your case better and provide you with more nuanced insights into your symptoms, self - care, etc. And yes I do advise you to taper super slowly. Get advice from the founder and moderators of this site on how to taper properly to avoid the difficult withdrawal some of us are experiencing. And do reach out to me if you need help and yes I'm also definitely going to volunteer for this cause when this WD business is over. Have yourself a lovely day. Btw just saw on your profile that you are based in Bristol. There's an organization there called the Bristol Tranquilizer Project that helps people coming off benzos primarily but also ADs. Watch the videos of their withdrawal adviser Ian Singleton. Very helpful. Also check out the website of Baylissa Frederick. She's a wonderful saintly counselor who helps people in withdrawal. I'll send you some links shortly. 

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SolarPlexus

@Cici Here you go, hope these links are useful. Hopefully with slow tapering you won't have a difficult WD, but sharing the videos anyway. They certainly help me! If you need more of those, let me know. I've scavenged the internet for all the uplifting WD videos out there :)

 

https://baylissa.com/

 

This lovely meditation by Baylissa: 

 

 

 

http://cepuk.org/2014/01/15/ian-singleton-talks-about-the-withdrawal-process/

 

Wishing speedy healing for us all. Have yourself a good day.

 

 

 

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bottlehalffull

Stuff like this is stopping me from tapering down any further. My partner can be real difficult to be around under stress, and with the world ending and all it's worse.... Right now I'm at 25 mg lamotrigine (down from 100), and when they do something that hurts my feelings I get mad and the adrenaline rush won't go away. They'll forget anything ever happened and I'll hear their voice again and WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ME DON'T YOU KNOW I'M MAD AT YOU??? I just did an hour of yoga and it was all fine, then I had to walk through the room they were in and it all came back.... and I can only do so much yoga.

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Cici

Thanks soooo 💜much Solar Plexus for your message and links, been away for a week (another reduction, 🥵). Will check 'em out and do my signature too, brain a bit wobbly right now so might be not quite now!! How are you doing? Hope youre hanging on in there, geez if I manage to keep present family relationships intact by the end of this it'll be a miracle! xxx

 

Hi Bottlehalffull . Im sorry youre struggling with this too. I'm exactly the same way with meditations as you are with the yoga!! Get  up off the mat, go into the room with people and boom ! it starts up again , BIG BIG SIGH! Lots of petty irritation... IT WILL PASS, we've just got to hold on for dear life in the meantime!!

You take care, deep breathes...

 

Love C xxx

 

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SolarPlexus
On 7/8/2020 at 1:37 PM, Cici said:

Thanks soooo 💜much Solar Plexus for your message and links, been away for a week (another reduction, 🥵). Will check 'em out and do my signature too, brain a bit wobbly right now so might be not quite now!! How are you doing? Hope youre hanging on in there, geez if I manage to keep present family relationships intact by the end of this it'll be a miracle! xxx

 

Hi Bottlehalffull . Im sorry youre struggling with this too. I'm exactly the same way with meditations as you are with the yoga!! Get  up off the mat, go into the room with people and boom ! it starts up again , BIG BIG SIGH! Lots of petty irritation... IT WILL PASS, we've just got to hold on for dear life in the meantime!!

You take care, deep breathes...

 

Love C xxx

 

Hi @Cici you're most welcome. I'm hanging in there but going slightly nuts with the unrelenting brain zaps. One of the most challenging symptoms. As for family relations, I hear you! Had another fight with an older family member yesterday but patched up today. I will make a serious effort to control the rage. I was thinking today "What if that family member is not around tomorrow and then I heal and look back and think 'oh God due to WD I wasn't good to them while they were in my life and now it's too late"? I need to change the topic when aggravated or just say ok and nod my head or stay silent when triggered or say I'll talk to them later, or whatever. We need to work on that. 

 

Hi @bottlehalffull When I look back at my tapering and WD journey I realized I was extremely irritable in tapering too. You have to do it super slowly. Don't rush at all. Ask experts on this site about how much to taper by and over what period of time. So that your withdrawal is easier later on. Like I was telling @Cici above, we need to change the topic when aggravated or just say ok and nod our heads or stay silent when triggered or say we'll talk to them later, or whatever. We need to work on that. And don't worry the world's not ending. It's just dark these days but humanity has seen worse. As for the adrenaline rush/anger that lasts, that's a withdrawal symptom. Sticky lingering thoughts. Other than yoga, there are many non-drug healing techniques on this site that can help you. Also check out the suggestions on this site too:

https://withdrawal.theinnercompass.org/

 

One thing I do frequently is to put a gel ice pack for a few seconds/minutes on my forehead, cheeks, all of my face, etc, to relax and unwind. 

 

Wishing you best of luck in your journey to healing xxx

 

 

 

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