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Andrewr

Andrewr: Seropram withdrawal

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Andrewr

Hi, I will try to write my story as briefly as possible. I´m from Europe, Czech Republic so the names of the medicine can be different from those in US. 

 

Let´s start with why i started to take SSRI´s. I believe that what started my problems was long cumulated stress and tension i experienced. I grown up with my mother, missing dad, i was with him one day a week but it wasn´t enough. My mother had like 2 boyfriends, since i was born, so every problem she experienced in jobs or personal life was thrown right to my ears when she came back home and I was really burdened by her problems since i was little. I suffer with emotional block from her till now. I don´t blame her, because she did what she could to feed me, but it really didn´t help my psychical health. Ok the heavy tension and stress started in the 2nd class of my high school, they bullied me mentally cause i was different and didn´t want to be shallow like they were... I experienced heavy anxiety pains in my legs everyday I was in school for about a year. Then i repeated a 2nd class because of Mathematics and dropped to better class where my tension was released.

 

In 2016 i started a dj career and that´s where the tension and stress boomed my anxiety. I did it for like a year and than i experienced a really big trauma. I had a really heavy quarell with my competition and their people started to spread rumors about me and my whole city splitted into two groups - one hated me a lot and other one loved me. Off course more people hated me. I started to have fears to go somewhere in town to not meet those which hated me. I really feared that they can beat me up or something. I stopped my dj career after a big ridicule of my persona on facebook by one of those people from competition. A month later i started to have panic attacks, and heavy anxiety. Started skipping school and didn´t know what was happening with me (now i know a lot about psychical illnesses). It went like that for a 3-4 months, i was closed in my room, with very bad sleeping and heavy anxiety, with panic attacks. Then it started to ease out as i started to ignore my symptoms a lot, i stopped caring about it and it really eased, still experienced a lot of anxiety but not as much as before.The problem was teachers in my school. They didn´t believed i have problems, and told me i was simulating and went against me.

 

I choose a radical way to not fall out from school...I went to Psychiatric hospital with hope that they can fix me up. Anyway i don´t think that what I was experiencing was panic disorder (what my doctor told me), I think that it was and it is much more OCD in extreme way, because what I´m experiencing last year or two really looks like a strange OCD. I had fears that my heart will stop, but in rational way, like you have no certainty that your heart just won´t stop in a next minute.

 

In psychiatric hospital they started to give me Zoloft and it was horrible. They started with 50 mg and i had extreme anxiety for like 3 weeks. My final dose was 150mg (a horse dose i think). Then i came back home and i took it for like a half year or less till the summer. Than me and my psychiatric doctor agreed on withdrawal. I withdrawed extremely fast, 1,5 month and felt really good for a month or two after a withdrawal. Then i started to feel extreme anxiety even from the tiniest discomoforts and started to sleep really bad because of problems with falling asleep with anxiety. I had a really trouble with concentrating not just on things but even on my own thoughts patterns. I was saying something and in front of a sentence i couldn´t say a next word and was really troubled to concentrate on what someone is saying to me.

 

So i went to my doctor and we started a new medication, Seropram 40mg/ml which i believe is named LEXAPRO in US. It is a liquid and is dosed in drops. It was much more comfortable than zoloft. I started with a one drop and my final dose was 8 drops/day. Boom my problems with concentration vanished and i felt like i can handle my life a little again. I took it again for like a half year and i wanted to stop, because i wanted my feelings back. I wanted to be able to laugh again, to experience normal feelings like normal person :/. On SSRI´s you feel like a real numb person and i really don´t like it. It´s like living a empty life.

 

So i started a new withdrawal after my graduation which i fortunately earned. It was again a really fast withdrawal and it took it´tax. I felt really good for a month or two and now I´m experiencing really hard anxiety from the tiniest discomforts daily, same as last year. The concentration is same as last. I can´t concentrate or anything even on my thoughts patterns and I´m suffering from depression now, i have feelings for crying everyday. I believe it´s not a relapse cause my feelings are different than it was before SSRI´s. It´s strong uncontrolled anxiety, oversensitivness and troubled concentration + depression. I never had depression before SSRI´s. Yes I was really deeply thinking about a meaning of life and was really troubled by it, but...it was in OCD way. What to do now? I really don´t want to stay on SSRI´s for the whole life. 😕 Thx for answer

Edited by Altostrata
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Altostrata

Welcome, Andrewr.

 

It sounds like you have withdrawal syndrome from going off escilatopram, similar to the withdrawal you felt when you went off Zoloft.

 

How long have you been off escilatopram? Do you have any left? Is the liquid still good?

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Andrewr

I´ve been off of Seropram for like a 4 months +-. It started to break down 2,5 months ago. I have still a full 15ml bottle of seropram with date of consumption 03/2020 so it is usable. 

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Altostrata
21 hours ago, Andrewr said:

It started to break down 2,5 months ago.

 

What does this mean? You got more severe withdrawal symptoms?

 

Please get an oral syringe, they're more accurate than the dropper. See Using an oral syringe and other tapering techniques

 

I would start with 0.5mg escilatopram. You'll have to calculate what that is in liquid, a pharmacist can help you.

 

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Andrewr

By "It started to break down 2,5 months ago" I mean that i started to feel those symptoms i wrote down in the post. Ok I Will look into that post you mentioned. How long should i take 0,5 mg, should i raise to higher doses then?

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Altostrata

We need to see how you do on 0.5mg for at least a month before making any plans.

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Andrewr

Okay, so unrfortunately after writing this article and reading the answers, I didn´t started taking the Meds again as recommended. I thought that it will get better soon, and it did except that it didn´t. After the symptoms which i wrote here retreated partly i started to have really good ,,window,, for like 3 months even under the very little sleep conditions. After that 3 months, in March to be concrete it fell down to a ,,wave,, and i fell into deep emotional numbness and since it just got worse. Now from like last week I´m having extreme anxiety because my mind bombardes me with the thoughts about that emotional numbness, like ,,it will never retreat,, ,,how can i live without emotions and reactions to anything,, etc i have like a really bad wave now + my OCD added to that it´s like living daily hell. I know that emotional numbness is 100% from AD WD , because i felt partly emotionally numb on the AD itself + I´m feeling absolutely no sexual interest in anything now. I have some more informations from this forum now and my question is. It´s +- year from my Seropram WD and +- 2 years from my ZOLOFT wd but i think that more damage did the Zoloft WD because i dropped from 200 mg to 0 really fast then. What surprises me is that my body was able to stabilize on totally different drug Seropram (Citalopram). Do you think that even after that long time my body can still stabilize on the seropram? I can´t live like this, I must go to work and next semester i have first oral exams and i need to learn. And what about that unresolved Zoloft withdrawal, do you think that it will slow my overall Seropram withdrawal process in the future? And the last question what botters me is : Can´t the reinstatment slow the overall healing process? I know that in one article here i read that the Fast taper and CDs heals much slower than 10% tapers. 

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Altostrata

We would not suggest a reinstatement if it was bad for you. That would be a waste of our time, wouldn't it?

 

When did you take citalopram?

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

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Andrewr

I think that my last dose of seropram (Citalopram) was in July 2019.  Last dose of Zoloft was in July 2018 i believe.

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Andrewr

@Altostrata added withdrawal history in my signature.

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Altostrata

Where's the escilatopram? That's what you were talking about in October, 2019.

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Andrewr

I wrote about Seropram and i thought that it is named Lexapro in the US but it is not. Seropram Is not a Lexapro and it doesn't contain Escitalopram. It does actually contain Citalopram.

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Altostrata

Oh, okay.

 

It can take a long time, longer than a year, to recover from antidepressant withdrawal syndrome. How have your symptoms changed in the last 6 months?

 

Since you went off citalopram, have you drunk any alcohol? Been treated with antibiotics? Taken any other prescription drugs?

 

If you weren't worrying about the emotional anesthesia, which is common in prolonged withdrawal syndrome, would you still be having spells of anxiety?

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Andrewr

Yes, unfortunately I drank a lot of alcohol 3 to 5 times since, but then i read there that it can Slow down the healing rapidly so i stopped completely like 3 months ago. I never drank much alcohol since my mental problems started in 2017. Yes i was treated with antibiotics once or twice since. I'm taking Zenaro for my allergy since May Now. I definitely would have spells of anxiety but not so strong. I experience Anxiety because of my untreated OCD too but the emotional anesthesia Is my primary Anxiety stimulus now, because my OCD Is nonstop arguing about suicide and that brings lot of anxiety. Through the 6 months it changed two times minimal, first the accute phase calmed down and it was really acceptable state of life even with not much sleep, then the emotional anesthesia got stronger 3 months ago and now it acts in a way that in forenoon it is not so strong and in afternoon it gets really strong and with that the thoughts about hopelesness + Anxiety too. Along with the emotional anesthesia i started to have gastrointenstinal problems, but they resolved about two weeks ago.

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Altostrata

Every time you drink alcohol or take antibiotics or other strong prescription drugs, it can shake up your nervous system again.

 

While your nervous system is re-adjusting, you will need to learn non-drug techniques to manage your psychological issues. See

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

 

Health anxiety, hypochondria, and obsession with symptoms

 

A psychotherapist may be of assistance.

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Andrewr

Ok. I Will read through that artictles, thanks. And should I take the meds according to reinstatment post again to stabilize myself ? In the lowest effective dose possible of course. I know that longer I'll wait, the lower possibility of effect will be.

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Altostrata

You do not seem to be in a state that would call for reinstatement of citalopram. Your nervous system needs to settle down from upsets with alcohol, antibiotics, etc. You can help it settle down by learning non-drug techniques to manage your anxiety, which appears to arise from your worrying about your symptoms.

 

In other words, your post-acute withdrawal syndrome probably would be improved without your worrying.

 

Should you take psychiatric drugs to control your worrying? Since you went to the trouble to go off the drugs, why not put effort into using non-drug techniques to do that?

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

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Andrewr

My problem Is that I'm feeling much overwhelmed by that emotional anesthesia, actually I think it's depression. I'm affraid i can't function with it a lot more time, it is really devastating to live with, i have no interest in anything. Movies Are Now not interesting anymore, music, everything i liked Is Now an empty activity, nothing Is interesting, it feels like deep depression, JUST mechanically living through the day. Even sport gives me absolutely no reward... I read in 10% taper post that WD syndrome can take up to 6-8 years to resolve And I can't imagine having this strong anesthesia, or depression or how should i call it for So long time. I'm feeling that reinstantment would ease it.  I forgot to mention my sleep problems, I wake up every night at least one time and I'm really strugling in maintaining my sleep habits and in that first 3 months I had really strong sleep deprivation.

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Andrewr

OK, so I´ve got news. I thought that I have a problem with that emotional anesthasia but TBH, i didn´t know what is going to come to me. Now it is literally a living hell.I feel like it is worse that it was during the accute phase right after withdrawal. My mind is now like a false functioning Computer which strikes 1000000 false signals a day. I think that what is hapenning now is, maybe my OCD is striking like hell. but IDK for sure. I have a type of OCD which doubts everything i can imagine.  I had lot of unwanted thoughts before but it was tolerable, what started to happen now is that i have unwanted ruminations about literally everything i do since i wake up, it´s not that like one thought and half a hour chill like before. It is new unwanted thought / 5 minutes +- , so it is a 24/7 nonstop anxiety + extreme demotivation by that thoughts. Along with that I have false signals about certain situations a lot. I don´t know how to describe it properly, but it is quite a fight to stay present and not escape to that false imagination about certain situations, it is like strange vissions wrong connected to not appropriate situations by my mind, falsely striking like 100 times a day. I have now an extreme hard time falling asleep because when i lay down and close my eyes, rumination starts to run on 150%. Started to take fish oil but didn´t do much maybe just worsened my condition but idk for sure, taking 3*550 EPA + DHA now. I noticed improvement in my allergy and digestion with fish oil.

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Andrewr
Posted (edited)

Multivitamin

 

I can't tolerate fish oil at all. But what about multivitamin suplements? Can be any problems with them? Because i need something to support my poor imunity system constantly weakened by anxiety. Also i Need to supply important minerals because i don't eat good and much. Anyone have experience with multivitamins and withdrawal? 

 

Edited by ChessieCat
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ChessieCat

When starting anything new it is best to try a small amount first to see how you react to it.

 

It's also best to only try one thing at a time, and not to make any other changes, eg dose reduction, at the same time, otherwise you won't know what has caused any issue if it arises.

 

For this reason it is best not to take a multivitamin.  Anything which is a complex will make it difficult to know if one particular thing is causing any issue.

 

B vitamins can be activating, especially B6. 

 

Keep it Simple, Slow and Stable

 

supplements-what-helps-what-doesnt-herbs-vitamins-amino-acids-etc

 

To find a topic on a specific thing use a search engine and add site: survivingantidepressants.org to the search term.

 

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