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sunnysideup69

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sunnysideup69

Dear mods, thank you for your time and energy, not sure if I'm posting this in the correct forum?

 

Hello survivors all :)

 

I'm curious about whether you've managed to keep your working life going for some or all of your withdrawal, and how you've coped in terms of dealing with WD symptoms at work.

 

I need to keep a working life going for financial reasons but have drastically cut back my hours. I am asking to cut a further day.

 

I find personally that work is good for helping me to at least feel some semblance of vaguely 'normal.' (I'm a primary school teacher, part time, and a counsellor, but have put the counselling totally on hold to cope with my own healing first.)

 

 

Luckily, my boss is really understanding, and I've been very open with him about what I've been going through. I'm 99 percent sure this won't have repercussions as he is a genuinely decent bloke. Because I was feeling panicky, I also had to be quite open with my line manager and various other people....in case of needing to take a step outside. I must admit I've been less comfortable about disclosing to certain people. 

 

How do you all cope with feeling WD symptoms at work? e.g. Do you have a quiet space where you can go if panicky? Really interested to know, thank you.

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Armorall

I also teach. I teach middle school special education in the inner-city. It is a challenge. My admin also knows what is going on with me and has pared down my responsibilities. When I feel withdrawal symptoms, I usually put on meditation music for the kids. In the classes where I co-teach, I just step out of the room, go into the storage classroom and put my head down with the lights out. 

This has become harder to manage and I'm considering a leave of absence. I know staying at home can be toxic, too, too much rumination, but...well we will see. 

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Superwoman

How do people explain antidepressant withdrawal to your boss?  I don’t want my boss to think that I am a drug addict. Or that I am abusing the medication. There is a stigma. It makes me feel like a drug addict when I feel so sick by evening if I forget to take the medication in the morning. 

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Armorall

In my  case, I was out because I was hospitalized the year before in March, so he was aware that I had a health situation, and I had FMLA for that year. I explained anti-depressant drug withdrawal to him, explained the corrupt capitalist system that actively perpetuates its negligence and exploitation, and thus also explained why people don't know about it (because of the systemic callousness of it all). Also that it is intentional that psych docs/psychologists don't acknowledge withdrawal because of that system. 

We are being ruthlessly exploited, in the same way that war exploits us, Flint Michigan with the politicians knowing that the water was filled with lead but did it to find a cheaper route, and now thousands of young children will grow up severely retarded, etc etc. 

Anyway, he also knew because when I first withdrew and was clueless about everything that was happening (I knew it was withdrawal, I didn't know anything about tapering or the long healing process) I had already told him I was "temporarily" having insomnia at the beginning of the school because I had just kicked my antidepressants/psychotics, so if the work expectations could be lighter for a week or so, that would be good.  So telling him later that I had withdrawal that has pretty much overtaken my life was just a follow up to what was happening at the beginning of the year. I listed reasonable things that I could dodge responsibility for. He asked how else could he support. 

 

I studied the history of deinstitutionalization with regards to mental asylums and how the rise of prescription drugs coincided with closing down institutions. They drugs are put in place as a cheap way to mitigate non-drug therapy and care for those who need it. I should have just been put in a hospital for a few months to get some coping skills, but instead, I was drugged and pushed out. Nice and cheap. 

 

That's my framing, not sure if it is helpful. 

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Passionlifetime

I told my boss about that I am taking AD and its hitting me I need little time for settling up , perhaps a month off from work. and after a week he asked me to leave. it was a profile of software engineering .may be he thinks that I am not be able to do high mental stress task.I worked there for 2 years.

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sunnysideup69
8 hours ago, Armorall said:

 When I feel withdrawal symptoms, I usually put on meditation music for the kids. In the classes where I co-teach, I just step out of the room, go into the storage classroom and put my head down with the lights out. 

 

Oh, that's such a great idea, the music! Good for the kids and also good for you.

And it's good you have a place to go. 

It's difficult in teaching, I find, because it's highly 'performative.' I find that can either be a welcome distraction to feeling awful, or a dam near impossibility. 

I have dropped a counselling morning as I'm not well enough yet to do it. I work three day and have just requested to drop to two days per week. Honestly, I feel that's my limit. Are you full time?

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sunnysideup69
7 hours ago, Superwoman said:

How do people explain antidepressant withdrawal to your boss?  I don’t want my boss to think that I am a drug addict.

I'm currently also attempting to do this, so I will let you know how it goes, if you like.

I have told my boss that I had anxiety and depression, he already knew that. I also told him about the fact that I updosed an antidepressant and switched to another, and that it was giving me problems. I took about 9 weeks off work in total.

Was a bit careful about terminology. I didn't want to say I was 'destabilised' in case he had visions of an axe weilding loony running around at school. Just kind of explained that owing to all the chopping and changing, my nervous system is really unsettled and it will take time to settle. 

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sunnysideup69
7 hours ago, Armorall said:

 

That's my framing, not sure if it is helpful. 

Armorall, it is indeed very helpful. Thank you for taking the time to really lay out what you said and did. I feel like I want to explain what I'm going through properly to the boss, I think he'd get it. He has been very supportive to date, has asked how school can help etc. and has made adjustments eg I've just had two weeks on phased return, and am having a final one this week. 

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sunnysideup69
6 hours ago, Passionlifetime said:

I told my boss about that I am taking AD and its hitting me I need little time for settling up , perhaps a month off from work. and after a week he asked me to leave. it was a profile of software engineering .may be he thinks that I am not be able to do high mental stress task.I worked there for 2 years.

Oh my word, Passionlifetime, I'm so sorry that was his response. That's really awful. But that's surely discrimination?

How are you coping with no job, or did you find another?

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Armorall

Yes, I'm full time, but I've definitely taken off on days that aren't super necessary (PD days, and Wednesdays are short days, so sometimes then). 

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Passionlifetime
1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

How are you coping with no job, or did you find another?

My job loss happened in feb 2019, and then I informed these things to my fiancee(health issue and no job), but I was assuring her family that I am very able and can find a different job easily ,just need a little time.But her family become very rude and broke the engagement on next day and said that I will be of no use and they want someone who earn x amount of money and healthy.

 

I was shattered by the incidence. when you read my intro topic you will get to know how much I suffered.I was  bed ridden for almost 4 months until oct2019, and I was expecting and praying for  death  due to emotional and physical suffering but was adamant that I will not commit suicide whatsoever. 

 

Then I think to come off from medication because of which all this happened with me and I tried tapering bear withdrawl from last 4 months.it become too much in last week when I lost my sleep and mental clarity and I give up for some time because I have to fulfill the dreams of my parents . they invested in me since childhood . In India we live with parents and grandparents and everybody get effected for one person ordeals.

 

so, I was not able to go out to search a job until now , all my savings finished and I am left with no money at all.I am totally dependent on my parents these days.they are very sad that all this happened with me.you cant believe I have not purchased anything in this year.using whatever I have.and I get some money from my parents for medicines and personal expenses(around $30 a month) but that is like 5% what I used to earn(you cant believe I have $1 in my bank account and $5 in my wallet,thats all I have). very thanks to Almighty that I have roof over my head and food on my table as my parents are financially ok. Withdrawal symptoms not allowing me to go out and work. so I REINSTATED meds because I cant waste anymore time locked in my room. I took back meds and dealing with heartbreaks and betrayals.I fear to go out.but I am planning to go out . 

 

one of my friend wants a website , I have planned to build that and from there I expect to get some money. as soon as I feel better I will make the website then give interviews and then I hope things will be fine.

 

Thanks for caring. lots of love to you.

 

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sunnysideup69

@Passionlifetime, I'm so sorry to hear all that you have been through. Sending you love and good wishes for a really steady recovery. I see you're also on Venlafaxine, same here.

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Guilietta

Hello all,

 

I read through the thread.

 

@Passionlifetime - I'm horribly sorry about the betrayals (aptly put) in 2019.   That being said - your bright and positive comments below inspire. Even though you may not have wanted to reinstate recently (and you may want to taper at a future time) - if it will allow you to work and not be isolated (get out of your room) it is a good thing.  It is hard to go out - but if you need - what helps you minimize risk/anxiety?

 

We are supposed to do a partial (or as low as possible) resinstatement and I don't nkow what you did.

 

Keep us posted about your work and the website development.

 

 

On 10/28/2019 at 3:44 AM, Passionlifetime said:

Withdrawal symptoms not allowing me to go out and work. so I REINSTATED meds because I cant waste anymore time locked in my room. I took back meds and dealing with heartbreaks and betrayals.I fear to go out.but I am planning to go out . 

 

one of my friend wants a website , I have planned to build that and from there I expect to get some money. as soon as I feel better I will make the website then give interviews and then I hope things will be fine.

 

On 10/26/2019 at 4:03 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

I find personally that work is good for helping me to at least feel some semblance of vaguely 'normal.' (

 

Hi Sunnyside. I have heard this from others - and even though this may not be easy - and depending on where you are in the WD phase - I think it is important for healing that you do have some semblance of ' normalcy'.  

 

On 10/28/2019 at 2:14 AM, sunnysideup69 said:

I'm currently also attempting to do this, so I will let you know how it goes, if you like.

I have told my boss that I had anxiety and depression, he already knew that. I also told him about the fact that I updosed an antidepressant and switched to another, and that it was giving me problems. I took about 9 weeks off work in total.

Was a bit careful about terminology. I didn't want to say I was 'destabilised' in case he had visions of an axe weilding loony running around at school. Just kind of explained that owing to all the chopping and changing, my nervous system is really unsettled and it will take time to settle. 

 

It's no laughing matter - 'destabilized' .  Although I am not employed now - I do volunteer and take my volunteer responsibilities somewhat seriously (meaning I like to be dependable). So - when I have not been able to work on my tasks - I let the person know I was having issues wtih medication - and the other good hours I had - I spent resarching it! Both are true.

 

As I look back at my professional life -there are a few people I could have told about AD withdrawal.  I would have referred to WD and AD problems  as 'complications of and adjusting to changes in medication'. If things (when things) became to a point Icould not work (FT or PT) - then this would have to be dealt with. 

 

Can't write more

 

Giulietta

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Superwoman

Thanks for all your advice. Sorry you are not feeling well Passionlifetime 

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sunnysideup69

@Guiliettayes, this is kind of what I ended up explaining, just said that I was taking a long time to settle on meds. Kept it simple.

After all, if docs and psychs don't really 'get' it, there's not much hope of anyone else being on board. 

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dcrmt

I was able to work in the job I had at the time although withdrawal interfered a bit, however I couldn't do the job I have now.

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Guilietta
11 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

this is kind of what I ended up explaining, just said that I was taking a long time to settle on meds. Kept it simple.

 

I think so - and one caveat is that eventually people may become more curious (and unless it interferes with work - and they are your supervisor - I would say it is none of their business). 

 

In a similar vein, I have experienced the quagmire of discussing/handling WD issues with friends/associates I have told - and they don't undestand the prolonged nature of it - but are supportive. The prolonged nature of WD is bewildering to them (and to us) and that these ADs are so 'addictive' is just as bewilding to them. So with some people I just indicate that I am slowly recovering and it's been a bad year.

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sunnysideup69
20 hours ago, dcrmt said:

I was able to work in the job I had at the time although withdrawal interfered a bit, however I couldn't do the job I have now.

That's good to know, thank you. Is your job more stressful now? Are you still in WD?

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sunnysideup69
13 hours ago, Guilietta said:

 

I think so - and one caveat is that eventually people may become more curious (and unless it interferes with work - and they are your supervisor - I would say it is none of their business). 

 

In a similar vein, I have experienced the quagmire of discussing/handling WD issues with friends/associates I have told - and they don't undestand the prolonged nature of it - but are supportive. The prolonged nature of WD is bewildering to them (and to us) and that these ADs are so 'addictive' is just as bewilding to them. So with some people I just indicate that I am slowly recovering and it's been a bad year.

Yes, thanks Guilietta, I'm gonna take this tack. I also keep saying I'll go to events with friends eg there's a dance/shamanic type thing I agreed to go to this Friday, but on reflection, I just don't wanna go. It ends late, and also, it's quite 'activating', and at the moment I really need to sleep early and do things which are calming. Just hoping people will be patient, and if they're not, well, not my problem.

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Guilietta
2 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I also keep saying I'll go to events with friends eg there's a dance/shamanic type thing I agreed to go to this Friday, but on reflection, I just don't wanna go

 

Ditto. I want to go to events - or join people for something - and know I need to push myself to attend. That being said, I will as time approaches - I may become anxious about this - and think about why - and maybe I don't really want to go = even though it is appealing at the time. If you want to attend something but don't want all of it maybe compromise with your needs and what you want to do:  Have you thought of:  modify the plan - maybe - can I join you for a 'drink' (in my case that is soda water with lime) - I'd like to join you but can't stay (Have to get up early the next day?).

 

I did this last week for 1.5 day event I'd looked to for months and it worked out well. If you want to know more about my process - read on. Otherwise - skip this para. :)

I had known challenges going into it: It would be I kwas a long difficult drive - I didn't know the area and how to get there (imagine driving around streets similar to London's in terms of congestion, size and layout) expensive to park - and no one there I knew. As time got closer - there were doubts - did I really want to go? Yes but the full day would have been too much.  After the fatigue of the 2nd (1/2 day) - I knew I made the right decsion not to attend the full day the day before (even though I had been missed by the 1 person who had expected me). A full day would have wiped me out for sure but the 1/2 day was thoroughly enjoyable. There were were other people who had attended and knew no one, too.

 

3 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

really need to sleep early and do things which are calming.

 

This helps me extraordinarily. At night if anyone asks (family for instance) I just say I need peace and quiet to relax and help me sleep. A lot of people are this way - and theya ren't in WD. If othes think I am being anti-social - too bad. ;)

 

Others on this board make the same comment about the critical need to do relaxing and calming things at night to help sleep.

 

 

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sunnysideup69

@Guilietta, yes, peace in the evening is essential for me. Even if someone asks if they can call me late, I say no.....phone calls need to be over by 830pm, Thats when my wind down time begins, and I dont compromise on that now in WD. In some ways, havin a hair trigger nervous system is actually proving good for me in that I am finally treating myself with love and care.

I've just emailed my friend and explained I wont go out on Friday night, need to look after myself. She was fine about it.

Actually, I'm quite glad now. I had asked to see her for a lunch/ a drink, and she'd invited me along to this dance thing because 'she'd been meaning to go.' I kind of ended up realising that I didn't actually want to do it in the first place, I'd asked to see her some place quietly. It felt a bit of a 'convenience' date, if you get what I mean. Convenient for her because she wanted to go and do something. I think it niggled me a bit, made me feel a bit like an accessory to someone else's wants and wishes. She did the same on her birthday, invited me out for lunch- which was loveIy- but then kind of spoiled it by saying 'I was wondering who lived close to me that I could have lunch with.' Hmmmm....it's a newish friendship, but I'm not sure it's gonna blossom....or perhaps I'm a bit over sensitive. I just prefer someone see me because they want to see me. I don't think she means it maliciously, it's just something I've noticed and registered.

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sunnysideup69

Well, what do you do about work stress, everyone? I am having a bit of a wave since Saturday because something happened at work, nothing major, just something my boss told me that has really had an impact on my over sensitive nervous system.

Whilst I was off with anxiety and depression, I was of course trying to get myself to go out for a walk/go for a jog. I posted a couple of pics from morning jogs, and also froma couple of dog walks I did with my friend's doggy.

 

Was having a routine catch up about my health with boss last Thursday, and he suddenly said he needed to mention something to me and it was a bit sensistive, as he wasn't trying to tell me what to post on social media....but that a member of staff had basically gone to him to report that although I was off sick, I had been out and about, she had seen from my newsfeed.

This stressed me out enormously, because I'm so sensitive at the moment. It kind of knocked me out all weekend, I've been sleeping a lot and just laying around, felt so shaky. What an a**hole the person in question is, this news hasnt exactly made me feel good about going back to work. Of course now I also have deleted her from my fbook (even though he didn't name her, I know who it is, am pretty sure.)

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Guilietta

@sunnysideup69

 

6 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Even if someone asks if they can call me late, I say no.....phone calls need to be over by 830pm,

 

My limit is much earlier than that - more like end by 7.30. ;)

 

7 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

hair trigger nervous system is actually proving good for me in that I am finally treating myself with love and care.

This is good - maybe the negative is actually a positive. When I start treating myself poorly - when I am in a more rationale state of mine - I try to step out of myself and  ask myself how would I treat a good friend in this situation?

 

I hate to sound selfish - but we need to put ourselves first. I gueess this is what self-assertiveness is - and women I think are raised to be more accommodating - so we may be more vulnerable to this. ?

 

11 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

Convenient for her because she wanted to go and do something. I think it niggled me a bit, made me feel a bit like an accessory to someone else's wants and wishes. She did the same on her birthday, invited me out for lunch- which was loveIy- but then kind of spoiled it by saying 'I was wondering who lived close to me that I could have lunch with.'

 

Before tossing the towel in on this - have you tried pointing out how you feel? She may be clueless and think everyone is like this.


I know it's rreally hard and I have had a falling out with someone who had maybe been trying to include me - but I also felt used - someone to take along so she wouldn't be alone. At any rate - I reallydislike confronation.

 

14 minutes ago, sunnysideup69 said:

it's a newish friendship, but I'm not sure it's gonna blossom....or perhaps I'm a bit over sensitive. I just prefer someone see me because they want to see me.

 

Sometimes there two types of friends. The ones you count on - they don't cancel plans. You are invited because your presence is truly wanted - not convenient. Then there are the sometimes maybe friends. They are the ones who may not be considerate and don't prioritize you over others. For example, the one who is starting a relationship - so cancels a girl's night out at the last minute because the guy is more important.

 

It's a matter of trusting your gut, too.

 

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sunnysideup69
1 hour ago, Guilietta said:

@sunnysideup69

Before tossing the towel in on this - have you tried pointing out how you feel? She may be clueless and think everyone is like this.


I know it's rreally hard and I have had a falling out with someone who had maybe been trying to include me - but I also felt used - someone to take along so she wouldn't be alone. At any rate - I really dislike confronation.

Sometimes there two types of friends. The ones you count on - they don't cancel plans. You are invited because your presence is truly wanted - not convenient. Then there are the sometimes maybe friends. They are the ones who may not be considerate and don't prioritize you over others. For example, the one who is starting a relationship - so cancels a girl's night out at the last minute because the guy is more important.

 

Yes, I think that's it with this lady, I'm not sure my presence is really wanted. It's more that she wants someone to go with her to the things SHE wants to do. I also dislike confrontation, which is why I haven't so far said anything about how I feel. But I did say in this recent text about Friday that I'd prefer to meet up somewhere quiet where we could have a conversation. I notice that she tends to want to go and 'do' things together, which is cool, but they tend to be events where we wouldn't really be talking to one another eg this shamanic trance dance thing. I tend to just wanna hang out.

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Guilietta
1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

someone to go with her to the things SHE wants to do. I

 

If it is convenient and appealing to you - if it meets your needs - then maybe it is somethign to go to.

 

On the few things I enjoy doing -   people don't want to go so - I  go alone (for example - a museum). After years of missing things events because there was no one else who wanted to go - I just go by myself. ;) 

 

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

But I did say in this recent text about Friday that I'd prefer to meet up somewhere quiet where we could have a conversation

 

I think this is a good way to let her know what kind of thing you'd enjoy and what is important to you as you perhaps pursue a friendship. It is a positive step forward and way to know if you have common interests.

 

1 hour ago, sunnysideup69 said:

I tend to just wanna hang out

 

Me too. 

 

 

 

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