Repetitious mental agitation & anguish

[Kornyboyo1917]

Hello, 

 

I am looking for others who might be experiencing some of these symptoms.  There is no quiet in my brain.  I have racing thoughts/ruminations, earworms (things I have read/watch repeats in my head along with songs and phrases), intrusive thoughts/memories and hyperawareness of all my thoughts and inner voice/dialogue.  Brain mimicking sounds.

 

I feel very trapped in my head all the time.

 

Please comment if you can relate.  

[Daisygirlsk]

11 minutes ago, Kornyboyo1917 said:

Hello, 

 

I am looking for others who might be experiencing some of these symptoms.  There is no quiet in my brain.  I have racing thoughts/ruminations, earworms (things I have read/watch repeats in my head along with songs and phrases), intrusive thoughts/memories and hyperawareness of all my thoughts and inner voice/dialogue.  Brain mimicking sounds.

 

I feel very trapped in my head all the time.

 

Please comment if you can relate.  

I have this!

[Daisygirlsk]

12 minutes ago, Kornyboyo1917 said:

Hello, 

 

I am looking for others who might be experiencing some of these symptoms.  There is no quiet in my brain.  I have racing thoughts/ruminations, earworms (things I have read/watch repeats in my head along with songs and phrases), intrusive thoughts/memories and hyperawareness of all my thoughts and inner voice/dialogue.  Brain mimicking sounds.

 

I feel very trapped in my head all the time.

 

Please comment if you can relate.  

I've had sensorimotor OCD where I cant stop noticing my breathing or blinking.

 

CONSTANT intrusive thoughts and images. My mind always 'turns in' on itself and is never in the moment.

 

Constant mental chatter.

 

Like I HAVE to pay attention to every thought and have no other choice. I have to think of everything and every scenario and every option. I cant miss anything or I'll be in trouble. I have hyperawareness of a large radius around me.

 

I miss my pre med brain.

 

 

[UnfoldingSky]

i am mostly recovered but yes I had these issues.

[Kornyboyo1917]

Daisygirlsk - I have the same thing with the breathing/blinking.  It always switches themes.  I can't externalize or be in the present moment ever.  When i look in the mirror i see myself thinking and I have constant negative chatter.  Feels like someone else is thinking for me.  I hope you find some relief soon!

 

UnfoldingSky - It's nice to hear of someone who has these issues and made it through.

[Daisygirlsk]

2 minutes ago, Kornyboyo1917 said:

Daisygirlsk - I have the same thing with the breathing/blinking.  It always switches themes.  I can't externalize or be in the present moment ever.  When i look in the mirror i see myself thinking and I have constant negative chatter.  Feels like someone else is thinking for me.  I hope you find some relief soon!

 

UnfoldingSky - It's nice to hear of someone who has these issues and made it through.

 

I have exactly the same symptoms. When the drug first started pooping out my first symptom was sensorimotor obsessions. Now that I am off the drug my mind is never still. As soon as I wake up I look forward to bed again so I dont have to think of all the thoughts...

[Kornyboyo1917]

I send you a PM.  Most of my symptoms are from benzo withdrawal.  I'm still on remeron. 

[Cloudskishawna]

Yes I have those symptoms to I'm off mirtazapine for a month I've been mediating and that gives me a little peace and going for walks help a little bit and playing video games 

Also check out claire weekes method it help sometimes I'm still trying my best to fully accept and surrender but it so hard 

[gardenlady]

I've noticed that the fear and terror are much, much worse when the physical akathisia symptoms break through to the point where I'm constantly shaking my leg up and down and other type of agitated-state movements.  Is the fear and terror part of mental akathisia and do others have this concomitant with the physical form of akathisia?  I don't have the issue with repeating songs in my head and other symptoms as the original poster described.  It's the terror and fear that plague me the most along with the physical, sick feeling in the stomach resulting from profound existential dread and doom. 

 

These symptoms have caused complete personality disintegration and an inability to relate to anyone so that I have to remain isolated and housebound.  I can get out only for medial appointments and food.  I've had this since starting Cymbalta in 2016 and it gets worse the longer I taper.  I think if I could get off the drug, the akathisia would remit.  But, since the symptoms are so bad I can't go fast meaning that I'm stuck on the poison indefinitely.  The drug causes the akathisia and tapering it makes it even worse.  It's truly an impossible situation.  I've managed to get down to 5.2 mg/27 beads but am reconsidering a Prozac bridge since the akathisia is becoming unbearable and has been going on for 3.5 years with no end in sight. 

[Snorky]

I've been looking for other' insight on this for ages.  In my head, I have a sort of physical edge (pressure and pins and needles) which is 24/7 and prevents sleep. When I wake up, the same phenomenon prevents communication,  relaxation, enjoyment etc. A sort of combo of mental akathasia and anhedonia. Can anyone else relate to this?

 

Thanks

 

 

[Elyssa143]

Yes! I have this. Im almost 24 months into this and i struggle with this so bad. the constant relentless ruminating suicidal intrusive thoughts. Or just constant negative thoughts its exhausting. My worst symptom since the beginning.  I am definitely better but sitll very tough 

[Snorky]

8 hours ago, Elyssa143 said:

Yes! I have this. Im almost 24 months into this and i struggle with this so bad. the constant relentless ruminating suicidal intrusive thoughts. Or just constant negative thoughts its exhausting. My worst symptom since the beginning.  I am definitely better but sitll very tough 

I have this constant pressure, pins and needles type feeling in my head. It prevents sleep and all the other feelings described. Life is utterly unbearable now. Probably going to have to reinstate after CT for five months.d. It prevents sleep and all the other feelings described. Life is utterly unbearable now. Probably going to have to reinstate after CT for five months.

[gardenlady]

I'm so sorry, Snorky, that you are in such a horrible place.  The sad thing is that reinstating will probably not help and may very well make your present situation even worse as hard as it is to imagine that.  We all seem to think that these drugs will somehow help us when in fact they do nothing but wreak havoc and terror.  The only way to eventually get better is to get off the drugs and stay off, regardless of how difficult it is.  That is the hard truth.  I'm so very sorry as I've been in your position and so understand how you feel.  I reinstated and am well worse as a result and have added years and years to my recovery because I did so.  

[Snorky]

4 hours ago, gardenlady said:

I'm so sorry, Snorky, that you are in such a horrible place.  The sad thing is that reinstating will probably not help and may very well make your present situation even worse as hard as it is to imagine that.  We all seem to think that these drugs will somehow help us when in fact they do nothing but wreak havoc and terror.  The only way to eventually get better is to get off the drugs and stay off, regardless of how difficult it is.  That is the hard truth.  I'm so very sorry as I've been in your position and so understand how you feel.  I reinstated and am well worse as a result and have added years and years to my recovery because I did so.  

Thank you for your kind thoughts. There is an inherent contradiction in all this. Ie on the one hand, stay off the toxic ADs at all costs, fight the good fight, despite the symptoms etc. On the other folk admitting that they had to reinstate as symptoms unbearable. 

[gardenlady]

16 hours ago, Snorky said:

Thank you for your kind thoughts. There is an inherent contradiction in all this. Ie on the one hand, stay off the toxic ADs at all costs, fight the good fight, despite the symptoms etc. On the other folk admitting that they had to reinstate as symptoms unbearable. 

Reinstating is a fantasy and it appears that most who do it are worse off than before, unless it's a minuscule amount.  We THINK that reinstatement will help an unbearable situation become bearable, but because it's a fantasy, it doesn't and usually only makes things worse.  Of course there are exceptions as there is no absolute in any of this because the drugs affect each person differently.  But, reinstatement appears to be a colossal failure most of the time unless it's a minuscule amount. 

[Gussy]

Hi, I've just been looking through this section of s.a and found this post stood out to me. I know I'm making a late reply to most of you but much of what you were saying Rings Bells with what happened to me in Effexor withdrawal. 

[Kornyboyo1917]

12 hours ago, Gussy said:

Hi, I've just been looking through this section of s.a and found this post stood out to me. I know I'm making a late reply to most of you but much of what you were saying Rings Bells with what happened to me in Effexor withdrawal. 

 

I'm sorry this happened to you too. Are you any better now? 

[Gussy]

11 hours ago, Kornyboyo1917 said:

 

I'm sorry this happened to you too. Are you any better now? 

Thanks for your reply and thanks for asking too. Yes things are much improved. I know what happened to me isn.t a worst case scenario but what happened shook me to the core. Even thinking about how to describe it has me holding back tears, thinking about how bad I thought it was. It mightn.t compare to the people I call the suffering elite but it was bad enough for me. But none the less things are much improved. I hope you are well?

[prairierose]

very. much. so. hell on earth 24/7 yes. everything i read during this. everything said to me. everything done to me. repeats. no real life

[Biloelagirl89]

On 10/29/2019 at 5:19 AM, UnfoldingSky said:

i am mostly recovered but yes I had these issues.

How long did you have akathisia for? 

[Ramona]

After a break down they gave me for mo ths antidepressants and benzo to cut off the severe acatasia mo ths after they said is no more depression but bipolar inducted by antidepressants adding other and other tablets I need help in the last 7 months I ve lost my job my friends my family and I m severy agitated and unwell tough fighting bad thoughts and I became hopeless i will never get better I need your help or similar experience 

[Ramona]

Now they gave gabapentin 600 twice daily and quetiapine 250

More lorazepam 1 mg 3 times daily 

 

[UnfoldingSky]

Hi Ramona, don't give up. I know how hard it must be, I had akathisia too and many people around me were not supportive either.  But you can recover. 

 

Someone will likely ask you to update your signature so people here can better help you.  How long have you been on the meds they gave you recently?  Are you still taking the other pills mentioned in your signature?

 

[shambambo]

                       Ramona, hello.

                       My story is similar that we both have been poly drugged, worse thing is, at the same time.  Akathisia is not bipolar, it is not anxiety, it is not rls. It is a beast from another world. I used ADs for a year, 3 at daily basis. After a while,  I didn't feel like myself and cold turkeyed them all together since I believe these medications are a big lie. They have way more harm than benefits. I developed akathisia about 6 months ago, it has been relentless. I thought I was going to die. I thought I was going to have to end myself quite frequently. Nobody including family ever understood, neither did the doctors. My least favorite sentence is "It is all in your head". You will be alone in your journey unless you can meet some good doc who knows about akathisia. This forum will be your friend for a while too.  Let's face it, people, including most our family members are ignorant about this stuff and they can't accept we are symptom sick, so they blame we are mad. I don't know which one is worse truly. We are having MS, Parkinson's, Alzheimer's type of symptoms on daily basis. It is so easy to say it is all in your head than accepting someone you love might be in big trouble. With that said, we are just symptom sick, and these symptoms fade over time, unlike the progressive nature of these illnesses, we get gradually better, not worse.  As I said, I thought I was going to die, now I know I am actually getting better.

                       Weird thing is, it has died down quite a bit for the last week. I endured a lot in this period, but never thought about going back to ADs. 

                       Now what I must say is, when I don't believe ct or taper matter as long as you get away from ADs, I believe tapering off is a better way to quit these things. Please find a good doctor to give you a chance to taper off, not the type increasing dosage after a heavy hitter like akathisia. That one is not going to help you. Even this online portal will give you more info than him/her. If you have no other chance, use this forum's tapering off methods and try it yourself, never increase dosage again because it won't help.

                       Don't try your way with obstinate doctors, find someone that at least has open mind about side effects. I am pretty sure your doc doesn't even know a lot about akathisia.

                       If you never had bipolar symptoms before anti depressants and just were anxious, I mean akathisia developed right after medications, which is almost always the case, it has nothing to do with any psychiatric problem at all. It is just nonsense.

                       I went to doctors a lot, having heart palpitations, thinking I was going to die and after getting checked, doc prescribed me flipping Atarax and told me all this was in my head and atarax could fix me. Hell no. I just threw prescription to trash straight. I was in 5 months into my withdrawal (last 3 with moderate-severe akathisia) and couldn't risk to take any other pill at that time. I was just extremely sensitive. In a way, I still am, but I feel way better now, I feel like I walked through hell. Thing is,  they don't know, don't understand. Once they can't find a sign, they are always blaming it to anxiety etc. 

                    After I cold turkeyed, I never went to hospital because of my anxiety, just I was always sick. Clean examinations after clean, still felt extremely bad, agitated. Then I found this forum and learned about akathisia and dysautonomia, which explained my situation perfectly.

                     I believe I am in a window at the moment, I can feel akathisia dying down momentarily, which is serene. You will get through it as well, but it is not going to be easy. Get the best when you get a window.

                     Now what you should do is, convince yourself that nothing is wrong with you and you are having adverse reaction to medications. Don't put yourself into stressful state of mind, you already are experiencing enough from akathisia. However difficult, try to roll with it. For me, I completely isolated myself from people, because I had to roll with akathisia, there was no space for anything else. I shaked my legs, I listened to music, I did whatever I could to not feel restlessness. 

                     With akathisia, there is no instant cure. You have no chance but let your body heal and get through whatever feeling it is throwing at you. It is not something you can control, fear comes from within. So you move, shake legs, listen to music, try to get sleep and avoid heavy meals, get fish oils, get your blood checked if you have any deficits, rest is powering through.

                    My main symptoms are asthenia and akathisia. Akathisia has been improving lately, so has asthenia. Give yourself some time. Although I am progressing, I still feel quite bad. For example, I had body wide tremor before, now it has diminished greatly. I have had severe brain zaps, I could hear my eyes turning, my brain would feel like It fell on the ground. They are gone. I had heavy paresthesia in all my limbs, now gone. I have been dizzy half of the day, now almost none. I have experienced at least 5 migraine headaches, have been clear of it for a while as well. I have had joint pain, now largely solved. I have had extensive cognitive issues about memory etc, now way less. 

                    Remains akathisia and asthenia, 2 heavy hitters. Paxil I used can cause both, so can trifluoperazine I took, as well as medazepam I used. So they hit me at least 3x stronger. Just believe you will get better. In time you will see things will get better.

                     

[Altostrata]

merged similar topics

[Ramona]

14 hours ago, UnfoldingSky said:

Hi Ramona, don't give up. I know how hard it must be, I had akathisia too and many people around me were not supportive either.  But you can recover. 

 

Someone will likely ask you to update your signature so people here can better help you.  How long have you been on the meds they gave you recently?  Are you still taking the other pills mentioned in your signature?

 

No they stopped the meds

They took the acatisia for bipolar as usual and prescribed gabapentin 300 at night more qeitapine 50 at night

They also swapped me from diazepam to lorazepam and I feel awful I was taking 5 mg diazepam daily now. They swapped to lorazepam 2 mg daily but I feel awful they left me on benzo for longer than 6 months and there is no one wanting to help you if you go there they will always blame is your illness becaming more severe change the diagnosis and push further tablets I never had highs and lows of a bipolar I never had psychosis either and still so they put me on antiepileptics and antipsihotic meds that are upbringing me very dark thoughts so much fear and an unclear mind I wish I could stop all of a sudden but I m scared if I ve got. Some bad reaction I. Will finish again in their hands with other damaging tablets to take please give me an advice how to survive and get rid of the fear dark. Thoughts and these awful acatasia there is life after stopping 6 months of benzo I lost all my. Job my friends my kids i was just asking help for a. Depressive state coming after a long stress period of time and insomnia I never had acatasia or. This high anxiety and 6es I was having bad thoughts but not as severe as now I m also shaking all the time I have severe head aches and I have poor coordination tough either I sometimes don't feel my left hand tell me there is a way out and I can survive and be back to my old self as before I need. My kids. So bad so as they need. Me I wish I can survive and get my life back are 7 months now I m. Fighting iatrogenic inducted bipolar as the antidepressants gave me severe acatisia agitation plagued by benzos to calm down now on bipolar Meds I m completely canceled I feel awful in my brain and my mind is like I m alive and scared and not here anymore and dark thoughts are becaming so. Intense and scary will this nightmare end I will be able to. Survive and be me again without being damaged for. Life will acatasia increase so bad with agitation and suicidal thoughts if I stop the benzos. Please help me 

[Ramona]

1 minute ago, Ramona said:

No they stopped the meds

They took the acatisia for bipolar as usual and prescribed gabapentin 300 at night more qeitapine 50 at night

They also swapped me from diazepam to lorazepam and I feel awful I was taking 5 mg diazepam daily now. They swapped to lorazepam 2 mg daily but I feel awful they left me on benzo for longer than 6 months and there is no one wanting to help you if you go there they will always blame is your illness becaming more severe change the diagnosis and push further tablets I never had highs and lows of a bipolar I never had psychosis either and still so they put me on antiepileptics and antipsihotic meds that are upbringing me very dark thoughts so much fear and an unclear mind I wish I could stop all of a sudden but I m scared if I ve got. Some bad reaction I. Will finish again in their hands with other damaging tablets to take please give me an advice how to survive and get rid of the fear dark. Thoughts and these awful acatasia there is life after stopping 6 months of benzo I lost all my. Job my friends my kids i was just asking help for a. Depressive state coming after a long stress period of time and insomnia I never had acatasia or. This high anxiety and 6es I was having bad thoughts but not as severe as now I m also shaking all the time I have severe head aches and I have poor coordination tough either I sometimes don't feel my left hand tell me there is a way out and I can survive and be back to my old self as before I need. My kids. So bad so as they need. Me I wish I can survive and get my life back are 7 months now I m. Fighting iatrogenic inducted bipolar as the antidepressants gave me severe acatisia agitation plagued by benzos to calm down now on bipolar Meds I m completely canceled I feel awful in my brain and my mind is like I m alive and scared and not here anymore and dark thoughts are becaming so. Intense and scary will this nightmare end I will be able to. Survive and be me again without being damaged for. Life will acatasia increase so bad with agitation and suicidal thoughts if I stop the benzos. Please help me 

They stopped mirtazapine 30 1 mo ths ago all of a. Sudden than add gabapentin 300 lorazepam 2 mg and quetiapine 50 

[Ramona]

Same stopped Zopiclone and Propanolol 1 moths ago all of a sudden 

[UnfoldingSky]

It is heartbreaking what they have done to you Ramona. I read your intro thread and sounds like you have had so much on your plate.  Sending hugs for you. And I hear you about not having "bipolar', it's very common for them to tell people that drug effects are "bipolar'.  Akathisia is not bipolar it's a clear indication of harm from pills.  

 

What you are going through can be survived and recovered from, trust in this. You can get there.  It sounds like you will need a plan going forward as to what to do about the pills you were given lately.  Hopefully a mod will advise you on the next step here.

 

 

[Ramona]

3 hours ago, UnfoldingSky said:

It is heartbreaking what they have done to you Ramona. I read your intro thread and sounds like you have had so much on your plate.  Sending hugs for you. And I hear you about not having "bipolar', it's very common for them to tell people that drug effects are "bipolar'.  Akathisia is not bipolar it's a clear indication of harm from pills.  

 

What you are going through can be survived and recovered from, trust in this. You can get there.  It sounds like you will need a plan going forward as to what to do about the pills you were given lately.  Hopefully a mod will advise you on the next step here.

 

 

I really need help is iatrogenic damage and if you go for help they will say is your illness acatasia from the antidepressants is not recognized either and they will pass it on as bipolar and put you on other heavy tablets I ve lost my hair, my family my friends my life my job 7 months ago was all ok just stress and insomnia and random thoughts that scared me but my cry for help became my worster nightmare also they left me on benzo for more than. 6 month swapping them from diazepam to lorazepam I m just so scared that I m never going be able to come out and be normal again or that I may day or became over agitated and they won't take it as tablets and just close me somewhere giving other drugs please help me guys tell me there is a way out 

[Ramona]

On 10/28/2019 at 10:20 PM, Kornyboyo1917 said:

I send you a PM.  Most of my symptoms are from benzo withdrawal.  I'm still on remeron. 

How did you came out of benzo please help me 

[Ramona]

On 1/31/2020 at 8:51 PM, gardenlady said:

I've noticed that the fear and terror are much, much worse when the physical akathisia symptoms break through to the point where I'm constantly shaking my leg up and down and other type of agitated-state movements.  Is the fear and terror part of mental akathisia and do others have this concomitant with the physical form of akathisia?  I don't have the issue with repeating songs in my head and other symptoms as the original poster described.  It's the terror and fear that plague me the most along with the physical, sick feeling in the stomach resulting from profound existential dread and doom. 

 

These symptoms have caused complete personality disintegration and an inability to relate to anyone so that I have to remain isolated and housebound.  I can get out only for medial appointments and food.  I've had this since starting Cymbalta in 2016 and it gets worse the longer I taper.  I think if I could get off the drug, the akathisia would remit.  But, since the symptoms are so bad I can't go fast meaning that I'm stuck on the poison indefinitely.  The drug causes the akathisia and tapering it makes it even worse.  It's truly an impossible situation.  I've managed to get down to 5.2 mg/27 beads but am reconsidering a Prozac bridge since the akathisia is becoming unbearable and has been going on for 3.5 years with no end in sight. 

I m in the same position scared and terrorized constantly agitated scared to loose my mind and finish back in their hands tell me there is an. End 

[Ramona]

On 2/2/2020 at 11:55 AM, Snorky said:

I've been looking for other' insight on this for ages.  In my head, I have a sort of physical edge (pressure and pins and needles) which is 24/7 and prevents sleep. When I wake up, the same phenomenon prevents communication,  relaxation, enjoyment etc. A sort of combo of mental akathasia and anhedonia. Can anyone else relate to this?

 

Thanks

 

 

Me 

[Ramona]

On 2/3/2020 at 2:34 AM, Elyssa143 said:

Yes! I have this. Im almost 24 months into this and i struggle with this so bad. the constant relentless ruminating suicidal intrusive thoughts. Or just constant negative thoughts its exhausting. My worst symptom since the beginning.  I am definitely better but sitll very tough 

Me too tell me there is a way out 

[Ramona]

On 2/20/2021 at 2:49 AM, UnfoldingSky said:

Hi Ramona, don't give up. I know how hard it must be, I had akathisia too and many people around me were not supportive either.  But you can recover. 

 

Someone will likely ask you to update your signature so people here can better help you.  How long have you been on the meds they gave you recently?  Are you still taking the other pills mentioned in your signature?

 

1 month ago  they gave me bipolar Meds quietapune 250 at night 

Changed diazepam to lorazepam 3 mg

Depakin 500 morning and night

Gabapentin 300 morning and night 

[Ramona]

On 2/3/2020 at 2:34 AM, Elyssa143 said:

Yes! I have this. Im almost 24 months into this and i struggle with this so bad. the constant relentless ruminating suicidal intrusive thoughts. Or just constant negative thoughts its exhausting. My worst symptom since the beginning.  I am definitely better but sitll very tough 

Me too