Rrsfc: a lot of drugs later some stabilization

[manymoretodays]

Hi Rrsfc,

I don't know much about your experience of psychosis.  But I did want to mention the Hearing Voices Network: https://www.hearing-voices.org/

They may have support groups, online or possibly even Zoom, where you might find some help.

And more, here :  Alternatives for psychotic outbreaks

Also, in the Media:  https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/5380-psychiatrist-some-patients-are-better-off-without-antipsychotic-drugs

 

And yes, keep us updated.

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited November 20, 2020 by manymoretodays
additional links

[BadMedicine]

@Rrsfc I wish you well with your continued journey. It’s great that you have managed to get to a point where you can be stable on a low enough dose that you are able to be happy and live a meaningful life. Try not to overlook this success. Hopefully by stabilising on this dose for some time will give you a good foundation for trying to reduce further when you attempt in the future. I think your strategy sounds like a good one and will give you every chance of success. 

[Rrsfc]

@BadMedicine thank you for your words of encouragement, stabilizing on a low dose is really good, I'll enjoy it. Like you I want to give myself the best chance at success, hence the seasonal taper. I wish you well too!

 

@manymoretodays thank you for the links, I browsed and they seem really interesting. I intend to read them when I get the chance. I'm part of the hearing voices Facebook group and there's some info there, but I haven't read it all yet. It's a sensitive issue for me, accepting that I "hear voices", I have to work on acceptance. At first I didn't accept my own experiences, now I accept them more but when I see other's people's experiences I feel a little scared to tell the truth. It all seems so distressing and weird, I have to go slow. My voice in this last crisis was really polite and meaningfull, much like an inner voice, sometimes I couldn't tell if it was me thinking or the voice. It changed over the years. No one ever cared to understand this voice, no one analised the content but I believe this is really important.

 

@ChessieCat thank you for sharing and the encouragement, I will post on how I'm doing during this hold on 2,5mg year. 

 

 

 

[Rrsfc]

@morgana hi, I'm so sorry you're struggling, just take it slow. When I have sleep issues while tapering it's on the first or second day after dropping a dose and I immediately hold or go up a little bit (50% of the drop). From 2,5mg down I found dropping 10% was unmanageable, 5% strong headaches but good sleep, 2,5% just fine, no symptoms. You just have to find your pace, and it may change from dose to dose. For instance I came down from 5 to 2,5mg directly with no issues whatsoever but bellow 2,5mg things get complicated. I wish you well on your journey too! 

[manymoretodays]

3 hours ago, Rrsfc said:

I'm part of the hearing voices Facebook group and there's some info there, but I haven't read it all yet. It's a sensitive issue for me, accepting that I "hear voices", I have to work on acceptance. At first I didn't accept my own experiences, now I accept them more but when I see other's people's experiences I feel a little scared to tell the truth. It all seems so distressing and weird, I have to go slow. My voice in this last crisis was really polite and meaningfull, much like an inner voice, sometimes I couldn't tell if it was me thinking or the voice. It changed over the years. No one ever cared to understand this voice, no one analised the content but I believe this is really important.

 

 

 

 

I'm glad to hear this ^.  Yes, of course.......take it slow, and keep in mind that we are each really unique too.  That helps me, when I tend to compare too much with others experiences, or get scared and even take on symptoms sometimes, that I did not even have before.

Yup, I believe it is important too.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[morgana]

hi Rrsfc thanks  for the advice, i am going to start yoga classes and i will definately look at those links to meditation you supplied me with, thankyou....i must admit i havnt meditated in years, basically because of the akaethsia, the thought of sitting in the same place seems so unberable, but i will give it a go for sure...i am also eating well...raw vegies everynight, makes me feel really good.  I find eating healthy stops the ups and downs of my moods, also helps with anger for some reason too...not sooo moody... thankyou for the support, 

[Rrsfc]

Hi everyone, just posting an update. Everything is OK, still holding at 2,5mg, trying not to think much of it. Been feeling a low mood lately, I believe it's an after crisis effect... But it's manageable and I am very thankful my crisis was so soft this year and it's completely gone. Today I was thinking that I may have to be on this olanzapine dosage forever. It 's not that bad, just frustrating, there' a a part of me that doesn't accept it. I'll keep researching, seeking new strategies, let's see what 2021 brings. Hope you are all well too, I must say I'm enjoying more emotional stability than when I was tapering, I was really emotional and sensitive, now I feel more like myself again. But to be truthful I just don't know what's "me" anymore, it could be the meds. This year brought too many changes for me, hopefully the next year will be easier on everyone... 

[hayduke]

Sounds like staying steady for a while may be helpful for you.  I considered staying on 2.5mg, when I was less sure of being able to get off fully.  I held at 2.5mg for six months and enjoyed the respite from wds. 

 

At least at that level the drug isn't interfering with emotions, life, interactions etc in the way that higher doses do.

 

One thing that spurred me on was my previous psychologist saying 'You are doing fine.  If the original prescriber says 2.5mg is not enough, and you're coping well at that level, you can probably cope without it altogether'.

 

You might find that after some time the path will open up again.

 

Cheers

[Rrsfc]

Thanks for your words @hayduke, I think I missed your comment somehow, I only read it today, sorry. And in fact you just answered the question I was going to make here. I have been holding at 2,5mg and I was planning to start tapering in October, but it's been a year filled with dealing with difficult emotions, I've been holding well but always afraid another psychotic break happens. I've been wondering if I come down to 0 wouldn't I be again more susceptible to cross the barrier of having a problem and coping to having a full blown psychotic crisis, if the med is not protecting me somehow. I think I am more mature now, that I can deal better with my problems but I fear that after making a huge efford to taper I'll have to take it again, that my effords were not enough to fix my initial mental issues. On one side I don't wanna give up trying to be med free on the other it may not be a smart decision to put myself through all this trouble and risk having another crisis. I feel really well on this dosage, although I resent taking the drug, I'd rather not have to. @haydukeYou said that if I feel well at 2,5mg I'll feel well at 0 and that was very encouraging to read, any more thoughts on what I should do anyone? My mental health is very important, more important than being able to go med free. I'd rather be happy and live a good life on a small amount of drugs than spend my entire life trying to go med free with bad results. It's an option I'll have to make. I finally gave up the stubborness of thinking that to be a successful person I must be med free, it's not a goal in itself anymore. My goal is to live the best I can. @AltostrataI believe said that I was already on a small ammount of drugs and I could stay there. At the time I was really focused on being med free, now I am beginning to accept what he said in a different light. We all have our personal journey to make... So guys, what to you think? One more try to get off or stay as I am indefinetely? I still have a lot of time to decide, but feel free to share your thoughts, I'd really appreciate your input. I don't want to be stuck on drugs needlessly because I'm afraid that tapering leads to another crisis but I also don't want to be chasing the holy graal of med free living my whole life. Thank you everyone and good luck on your journey! 

[BadMedicine]

Hi @Rrsfc. I think it is a very difficult question that you pose. There is certainly risk with coming off an anti-psychotic but I believe if you take it really slowly, as you are planning, you give yourself the chance to see how you cope with the ups and downs of life at ever decreasing dosages. If things start feeling hairy you can probably catch it by going back up in dose a bit and averting a full blown crisis. Hopefully, though, your improved lifestyle may mean that you are able to wean off the drug without another crisis. I personally think it is worth one more shot with a very cautious tapering schedule and if that doesn’t work then it might be wise to stay on a low maintenance dose.

[Rrsfc]

@BadMedicinethank you for your input! I also have to consider that my family if I have psychotic symptoms wants me to go up to 5mg, that's what happened last time. I wanted to go up to 2,5mg from the 2 I was taking and they were afraid I would not get better and kind of forced it. They don't really agree with me tapering and I have to do as they say because my crisis were so awful in the past I made an agreement to stick to taking drugs. But things are different now, I made a lot of lifestyle changes and worked on many aspects of myself, so I believe you are right, I could probably be well just upping the dose a bit if I get symptomd. I'll probably try one more time, let's see how this year develops, I must be in top shape before making this last attempt and this is a year with many challenges. I may have to postpone another full year. Thanks for taking the time to advise me and for your support, I agree with everything you said. 

[hayduke]

Hey @Rrsfc - that was the guidance I was given.  My original prescriber freaked out when I walked in there on 2.5mg, he said "it's not enough" and kicked me out!  That was what prompted my psychologist to say "well I can see you're doing fine despite what he says, so you will probably be ok at zero too".

 

I have found small updoses to be adequate a couple of times when needed - like from 1.20 back to 1.25mg and holding for a month.  And while it's not endorsed by SA, when I panicked one night at 1.5, I took a whole tablet at 2.5mg and I slept like a log, feeling groggy but ok when I woke.  What would have been better is an acknowledgement of what Claire Weekes calls the 'second fear' and some simple breathing, yoga, etc. 

 

I certainly had the same misgivings as you, it had been so drilled into me that I would "need" the drug for the rest of my life.  But I had to see.  I suppose this was part of the reason I accepted from day one that I would have to go slowly with the taper, and follow the hard-won wisdom of people here who have succeeded in discarding the drug.  That, and the very spaced out feelings when I occasionally missed a dose.

 

The key thing for me in avoiding more 'psychosis' has been doing the work with psychologists.  In my case I'm of the view that what was cast as psychosis was unresolved trauma emerging, typically while I was taking street drugs.  If you read The Body Keeps The Score, when they study people having PTSD flashbacks, many of the brain centres physically shut down.  For me this would account for the irrational behaviour that alarmed my family.

 

When I finally found my clinical psychologist who specialises in trauma, we got straight into the meat of it, and after processing the root problem/s with some intensive EMDR, my life changed for the better - suddenly I didn't feel alienated, or anxious much, or super irritable, and just found myself naturally thinking straight, and my cognition and emotions were congruent all the time - it was like everything just popped back into shape over a month or three.    Suddenly my personal boundaries became clear and relationships got 10x easier.  My personal history started all making real sense.  I stopped beating myself up for various old things I had or hadn't done, because I knew why.  The gate opened for me.

 

All that is what gave me the certainty that I would be ok after the taper.

 

A few more rounds of that and I'm now of the view that the physiological effects of getting off the drug are more daunting than actually dealing with my complex PTSD.

 

I think the fact that you're worried about a reemergence of trouble symptoms is a good reason to take extra care.  Ideally you can work on identifying those issues and resolving them with a pro, and taper with confidence when you're ready.

[morgana]

hi @Rrsfc sounds like you know your situation the best and what is best for you...sounds like staying on a small amount of medication keeps everyone happy....how i see it, if you live with people and they do not support you being drug free...you will never be drug free....they would be watching every little move you make, making sure you are not acting alittle too strange for their liking....the lower you go on medication the more emotional you will become and unless you get support from family, support from a medical professional who can help you deal with your emotions in a constructive way, and support you in a very slow taper....their is little chance you can taper to zero....my end goal is to be off medication completely, at first i thought i may not get off completely but at least i can go as low as possible....now i feel i have no choice but to finish what i started....why? because i can as every year passes  see the benefits in myself as i lower the dosage !  i support you whatever choice you make as only you know whats best for you...cheers morgana 

[Rrsfc]

Hi @hayduke and @morgana thank you for your input and support. I believe I will try once more but I only will know for sure when I get there. I came so far, it's a shame not try to go all the way. I will have to go really slow with things. I will probably not tell my family, only if I get symptoms, maybe get support from my doctor, but I don't really need it, I have access to the orodispersible pills. I believe in myself and the stability I am gaining. I see ocasionally a therapist not specialized in trauma, I don't have trauma. I think I never learned to cope with my emotions, I never learned how to deal with life, my family was emotionally very disfunctional although not violent or anything. Just people who didn't really had the skills to raise a child and had issues. I was spoiled with material things and at the same time was neglected emotionally, as a child they over protected me and after that they let me did what I wanted, didn't set any boundaries. My mother has an anxiety disorder and was a very bad influence in me because she doesn't even try to behave normally, she is a really negative and difficult person and was an awfull mother. I grew up ill equiped to handle life and in my 20s I had a really difficult time. I believe the psychosis was a result of the high anxiety I developed because of my poor skills and the challenges I had to face. I saw doctors, psychiatrists, no one really helped me, only gave me meds. I began my journey to health in 2017 when I began a plant based diet. I decided I would do my own thing and quit waiting for others to help me they obviously couldn't, and I am a very different person now. I set boundaries in my relationships and gradually am learning how to have a normal social life, I withdrew from people a in the past, I had huge anxiety. I journal a lot and try to process my emotions, do yoga, jogging and dancing, I read about what I need to learn when I need it and this has served me well. Now I kind of see where my mental issues come from and everyday I try my best to change, in small steps. I set goals for myself, I changed from having a goal to come off drugs to live the best life I can. Maybe I won't try to get off this year, maybe just next year, but I believe I will try because not settling was the attitude that brought me this far. In 2017 I was a mental patient, I survived, not lived. Today I am a normal person who is a bit more sensitive and sometimes has mental issues and resorts to meds to rebalance things. There's a whole world of difference. People are amazed at how I was able to change, guess I deserve to find out if I can get off safely. I know I can be without meds between crisis, my issue is am I resilient enough to avoid having more psychotic crisis, and can I safely come down without triggering psychosis. I felt like I had a dopamine inbalance the last time I tried to come down. Only time will tell how things develop, but there's no rush, I don't have anything to prove to anyone anymore. I used to think I had to be off drugs for people to see me as a normal person again, but there's no need, I already feel that. People respond to the changes I made in myself and change their behaviour in turn. So I feel accepted now, when before I felt like a burden, a failure, a nobody. I had to quit my career in 2009 and now I am thinking of reinventing myself professionally. That's a goal for next year, but just having the energy and focus to start thinking about it is a huge measure of my improvement. Thank you everyone for your support once again, it really means a lot hearing from people who face the same dilemmas. Best of luck on your journeys, taking matters in my own hands was what helped me the most. I believe drugs just numb us and make us worse, don't really fix anything. But when you enter the pill game it's very hard to come off. @hayduke I am very proud of your progress, you are an inspiration for all of us.

[Altostrata]

@Rrsfc 2.5mg olanzapine is certainly not the same as zero olanzapine, no matter what any psychiatrist or other doctor says! You have experienced the power of small dosages yourself.

 

There is no such thing as a "therapeutic dose" that fits everyone, that's a drug company fiction to make prescribing easier for doctors.

 

If you feel fine at 2.5mg, you may wish to stay at 2.5mg. Your lowest effective dose may be lower, or you may be able to do with no drug at all -- but to find out the right level for you, you should very carefully lower the dosage.

 

Ideally, you'd go so slow you don't get withdrawal symptoms, because that would be confusing and I know you're afraid of them. If you go easy on your nervous system, you'll better be able to tell if a lower amount of drug is effective for you, whatever that means to you. 

 

It may be that when you were 28 and a new mother, you were sleep-deprived. This causes some people to have symptoms identified as psychotic. But it doesn't mean you have life-long psychosis, it means you should be careful to get enough sleep.

 

It is also possible you may get coaching from a psychotherapist or other counselor to manage any symptoms of psychosis you might have, without need for drugs.

 

 

[Rrsfc]

21 hours ago, Altostrata said:

@Rrsfc 2.5mg olanzapine is certainly not the same as zero olanzapine, no matter what any psychiatrist or other doctor says! You have experienced the power of small dosages yourself.

 

There is no such thing as a "therapeutic dose" that fits everyone, that's a drug company fiction to make prescribing easier for doctors.

 

If you feel fine at 2.5mg, you may wish to stay at 2.5mg. Your lowest effective dose may be lower, or you may be able to do with no drug at all -- but to find out the right level for you, you should very carefully lower the dosage.

 

Ideally, you'd go so slow you don't get withdrawal symptoms, because that would be confusing and I know you're afraid of them. If you go easy on your nervous system, you'll better be able to tell if a lower amount of drug is effective for you, whatever that means to you. 

 

It may be that when you were 28 and a new mother, you were sleep-deprived. This causes some people to have symptoms identified as psychotic. But it doesn't mean you have life-long psychosis, it means you should be careful to get enough sleep.

 

It is also possible you may get coaching from a psychotherapist or other counselor to manage any symptoms of psychosis you might have, without need for drugs.

 

 

Thank you for words, very wise as always @Altostrata. I really can't remember so many years ago how my sleep was prior to my first crisis but my son slept well, I wasn't sleep deprived because of him. I also had mania several times and the psychosis was very deep sometimes, it's a complex problem, more than just sleep deprivation. Anxiety and poor emotional and coping skills also influenced the magnitude things got. Sadly there are no psychologists here with the set of skills you describe. They follow the medical model and advise taking medication, I never found anyone really helpfull in my country, I just research online and apply what I feel can help, but I've been focusing mainly on diet and exercise, and I had great results so far, I already feel a different person.

 

I'm going to do a liquid taper like last time, tapering the minimum ammount I can measure safely with a 10ml syringe (2,5%) each month from October to April, then hold (spring and summer were the times I was more susceptible to mania and psychosis in the past) untill next October and so on. This is the most practical and safe taper I see myself doing. Let's see what happens, this time I feel like I'm in the right mindset. Thank you again for your time and the efford you put in to help us, your guidance has been unvaluable to me. 

[Altostrata]

You may find a 5mg syringe gives you more range of measurement.

[Rrsfc]

10 minutes ago, Altostrata said:

You may find a 5mg syringe gives you more range of measurement.

Thanks, I'll try that. I read your interview in Mad in America, it was so nice to read your words. 😊 I sent an email to my psychiatrist with one of the studies you linked, I will try to spread the word. 

[hayduke]

Hey @Rrsfc, sounds like you know where the stuff you have to work on is!  My sense is that the more you work through that stuff, the more you're likely to be able to comfortably continue tapering.

 

Cheers

[Rrsfc]

Thanks @hayduke, it takes a lot of efford on my part, it's like a job 😂. Unfortunately I had to do it mostly myself, but it's really worth it. One thing I noticed, since I tried to come down from 2,5mg I got a lot more emotional and I stayed that way, even now that I am holding at 2,5mg. I'm trying to deal with it in a healthy way, but I feel a different person, more in tune with my surroundings. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I believe my brain has recovered a bit due to my effords, especially diet and exercise, maybe the meditation and the yoga too, I am more mindfull... I had recently a difficult period, I had a glympse of psychosis, but I dealt with it by not focusing on the symptoms, especially not getting emotional, I got busy with other things and it disappeared, didn't come back. To me it's like a channel, I can choose no to engage and sometimes if it's just in the beggining it works. I also talked to myself on top of the voice I heard, focusing on talking, not hearing. My brain got used to use psychosis as an escape strategy but I am training it to be present, not to resort to this kind of experiences. I feel I am getting there, not quite there yet but I can almost taste it. I will only decide if I will taper this year in October, depends on how things go untill then. 

[hayduke]

Cool, stabilising wherever you are at is always going to give you the best options to proceed from.

 

Yoga is brilliant.

[Venkat]

Hi @Rrsfc

was going through your thread today.

 

Very glad to know you are doing so well at 2.5mg of olanzapine. It is such a hope for others like me.

 

Thank you @Rrsfc

 

Best wishes, venkat 

[Rrsfc]

Hi @Venkat, best wishes on your taper and thank you for dropping me a comment. Let me know if I can help you in any way. I am holding at 2,5mg at the moment, looking forward to try my last attempt at tapering in October. At 2,5mg I can have a normal life and I feel really healthy. It was not hard to come down from 5 to 2,5mg. The issues start when I attempt to taper down from 2,5mg, that's a completely different situation. 

 

[Venkat]

@Rrsfc

Thank you. i will definitely drop in for any advice. Your post itself is inspiring. 

 

Again I would like to say it gives us hope to hear you say that you are doing well at 2.5.

 

My best wishes with you when you start tapering further in October from 2.5.

 

I don't think you should be apprehensive, since hayduke and rupa have done it, you should too.

 

Regards, venkat 

[Rrsfc]

Hi everyone, just updating my progress. Still holding at 2,5mg olanzapine but today I was thinking that I am feeling more emotions and my libido also is finally normal (I have to say it was absent for years). I believe my brain is regenerating a bit, maybe even bypassing some of the drug's effects or I am just getting better, or even there's some hypomania here, it's really hard to tell at the moment. I have to deal with the emotions and that's sometimes tyring, I journal a lot, talk about what I am feeling more often. I believe exercise and my diet and my effords on adressing my emotional issues are helping my brain function better and I can't wait to get to October to start tapering and see what changes as I go down. It's been a year so full of events and emotions I was doubtfull if I should start tapering, like I said before. But I am excited now, I know it will be long and not very pleasant but I am preparing myself psychologically for it, no harm in going slower and steadier. I took the pfizer covid shots and had no reaction to it, I am very happy. I work part-time and lately I have been able to focus more on work, maybe next year I can add some more activities to my schedule. I feel a kind of stability in my routines, even if I change them a couple of days I usually get back on track. Now that this is settled I can relax a bit more. I am almost at my ideal weight, just 2kg to go more or less, I don't worry about that, just eat right and exercise. I am feeling a bit overwhelmed with all the changes in my life (emotional, living situation, weight loss, routines, supporting parents) at the same time I can also feel joy and happiness. I also feel insecure and afraid the good things somehow are not permanent, that they can be snatched from me somehow. I guess I don't want to lose the good things I have accomplished... Summing it up, I am doing good, but with more challenges to face. I am coping and excited to start my taper in October, it seems to be a good timing, at tge moment I feel prepared to tackle that. 

[BlondeAndDrugged]

Hey Rrsfc

 

It sounds like what you’re doing is working.  Getting any emotions or libido back is a very good sign, since antipsychotics specifically target those areas very hard.  Not long after I started taking risperidone my emotions and libido basically disappeared.  I’m glad you’re seeing signs of recovery, I find diet and exercise really helps me as well.  Hope things continue to improve for you, I always read your updates.

[morgana]

that is so great to hear @Rrsfc .  its good to hear you will begin tapering again in October..you sound like your life is coming together, and i can understand the fear you feel...being worried it is not permanent...but your staying positive can only be of betterment to you! well done!

 

i wish you all the best in your continuing  progress and never give up!

 

cheers morgana

[BadMedicine]

Hi @Rrsfc. Great to hear you are doing so well. Sounds like all your hard work to lead a very healthy lifestyle and your psychological work are really paying off. I think doctors ought to think more about changing these factors to improve people’s mental health before handing out  pills really, although I do appreciate in some cases medication for acute problems is unavoidable. And sounds like you are in a really good place to start tapering from. I think (hope) you’ll find that if you go really slow you’ll hardly notice the taper. I am going at 2.5% every 2 weeks and feel really comfortable. When I first switched over to liquid I had a bit of an elevated mood and sleep was slightly disturbed but now I have got used to the liquid I’m hardly noticing the drops. A bit of fatigue but that’s all really. I hope it goes well for you too. 

[Venkat]

Hi @Rrsfc glad that everything is going just  fine for you and that you are enjoying your life. 

 

[Rrsfc]

Hi everyone, thank you all for your support. I forgot to mention that I am now a part of the hearing voices movement in my country. I was also interviewed so they can use my story (among others) to raise awareness through a theater play. I think it's a wonderful project and I am excited to be part of it. Thank you @BlondeAndDrugged😊. I was really frustrated for not having any sexual interest whatsoever, I am in a long time relationship and it was very hard on both of us. I didn't feel normal at all. I didn't talk about it before because I was so frustrated I didn't want to focus on that. I like to focus on what I can change, on the positive things. This helps me go forward, one goal at a time. Now that I recovered I can discuss it. It just came back, suddenly and unexpectedly, after at least 2 years.  Thank you @morgana@Venkat for the encouragement and support. I believe my insecurities will get better with time, I want to keep moving forward, conquering new goals as they come up. @BadMedicineI felt really good on 2,5% drops every 15 days, but to be extra careful I will do 2,5% every month. I remember feeling headaches, tiredness and things like that, this time I want it to be extra smooth, I want to feel the least symptoms possible. I am glad to know you're managing so well 😊. Keep it up and remember, there's no harm in holding a bit longer from time to time, I pushed myself too far last time, if I held longer maybe I wouldn't have had the psychosis. Yes, doctors should consider lifestyle changes before perscribing the pills, I had wonderful results and I believe every person can get them too if they put in the efford. Today I didn't feel like running but I did it anyway and I feel empowered by my decision. Consistency is the key. When I feel tired I cut some yoga workouts and sleep in but they are important too, so I try not to do it too much. It's a balance, not too much, not too little. Learning to listen to my body and respect it was the best thing I did for myself. I've been working on labeling my emotions and recognizing anxiety symptoms. It's hard to do, I wasn't much aware of these things but they are vital. I also feel I am demanding too much of myself, I have to ease on the expectations but I tend to be perfectionist, I want to regain the life I lost so much, to become the person I feel I would be if I hadn't had these mental issues... Easier said than done 😂. Hope you all have a wonderful day and best wishes on your individual journeys. Sometimes things get bad but sometimes they can also get better, keep working hard on yourselves and results will come... And when we suffer I believe we are more grateful for the good things! 

[Rrsfc]

Hi, it's October and I am not ready to start tapering yet and I am a bit frustrated. The new house is a lot more work, I had a predictable familiar routine and now things are a bit bumpy. So I decided to wait 🙄 a bit more, don't know how long, I'll feel when I am ready. Apart from that everything is good. Had a blood checkup and the doctor was very happy with my health, he congratulated me. But he ended annoying me at the same time 😂😂 because he thinks I am well because of the meds not despite the meds I still take. I told him that these drugs are really hard to come off and I don't need them if I am not psychotic, that I know someone who died trying to get off but I could sense he was not really hearing me. I am responsible for my good health not this med! Devaluating all my hard work kind of hurt my feelings. Defending the drugs made me resent him. I am not completely against drugs because if it weren't the meds to bring me down when I had serious crisis I don't know what I would have done. But you take them while you need them, not your whole life! Talking to doctors can be like talking to a wall unfortunately. A fun project will be tomorrow reading excerpts of my diary to the actors of the play about hearing voices I mentioned previously. They don't know how to enact certain things and I am helping them. I feel good, accepted, valued when I share what I've been through and spread the message that mental issues can be overcome, they are not a sentence for life. That mental issues are not abnormal, they are a human experience like so many others. I would love to be an advocate for people with mental issues but I don't know how exactly I am going to achieve that... Well, I hope everyone has a wonderful day wherever you are, and are able to conquer your health issues! Very glad to be alive and healthy, I just wish I could get off this drug and stay well, so they wouldn't say it's the drug that's keeping me well 😂😂! 

[hayduke]

I hope you feel a bit more settled before long @Rrsfc

 

Why not try a few doctors until you find one who will be supportive of your taper?

 

Cheers

[Rrsfc]

@haydukehe's my family doctor since I was a child, but I am not happy. I'll be getting a second opinion on my bloodwork with another doctor I hope he can be more supportive of my taper, but I probably won't find anyone really supportive, the doctors here are all too much drug oriented... It won't stop me though, from trying to taper one last time, I believe I can make it even though it can take years. The only thing that can really ruin things is having another psychotic crisis and my family insisting with me to go up the dosage. If that happens I will have to up to 5, and then come down to 2,5mg again. But let's just see what happens, I am willing to make an efford, it's worth it. Congratulations once again on your success, thank you for leaving me your advice, I appreciate it. 

[hayduke]

You'll probably find a doctor who'll at least tolerate you doing it this way, mine was lukewarm at first but was pretty chuffed to give me a clean bill of health after I finished.  ChessieCat was talking about this in her thread recently.

 

Getting out of the family setting may help, too.

 

Remember what gets called psychosis may often actually be resurfacing trauma.  Bessel van der Kolk writes lots about this.  If you prepare for this contingency, maybe finding a suitable therapist and making sure they can assist if you need them, you will be much better set for a successful taper.

[Rrsfc]

Hi everyone, I finally started to taper. After the holiday fuss I am now ready to face a taper. Just took my first dosage, let's see what symptoms I have tomorrow. Am a bit nervous, but telling myself this time I am more prepared, already know how it works... I've been doing so well at 2,5mg I am sorry to lose this stability. But I am not a person that follows the easy road, I couldn't stop trying to taper, it's just not me 😜. So wish me luck, I'll keep updating my thread. I've been working on my psychological issues all this time, and I feel confident I am more equipped to deal with the issues that in the past were hard for me. Being able to witness myself and know myself better was really important on my personal growth journey. I was able to find new solutions, new ways to react. I still have a long way to go but I've changed so much  already. I kind of emotionally detached from the people in my life that affected and influenced me, I am now taking the time to find out who I am away from any influence. I can appreciate better what is me and what was a mirror of my family. I'm in a self-discovery journey, doing things I never did before, trying a new me and enjoying life as best I can. I am grateful for all I have been able to enjoy. I also learned to be consistent with the goals I make for myself but at the same time not to push too hard. And I keep adding new goals, some steps are bigger than others but I always keep moving forward. I am a very driven person and if things don't work I just keep trying untill I find the best way to approach the problem and succeed... little successes pile up and strenghten my self-esteem, motivating me to go further... I am curious about what this new year will bring... May the new year be filled with health, love and joy for all of us!

[Rrsfc]

@hayduke

My psychosis was an inability to cope with life, a retreat. In the present I am more mindfull, living life. I solve my problems when they present themselves. I see a psychiatrist and 2 therapists when I feel the need, but lately I've been feeling less and less this need. The taper won't be pleasant and things may get worse, I'll problem solve along the way. I feel in a good place to start my taper, wish me luck! All I wish is no more episodes, and a painfully slow but steady taper (it will be years 🙄). Hope you are doing well, thank you for your input.