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Rrsfc: a lot of drugs later some stabilization


Rrsfc

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Yeah honestly I would try and slump in a heap and take it as easy as possible.  I know that urge to try and stand up and be all energetic and stuff, but your body is probably exhausted from WDs and all the rest of the fun stuff and probably just wants to curl up, cuddle, eat comfort food and watch fun dumb movies.  Plenty of time to do raja or kundalini yoga later.  

I was brought up stupidly overpressurised, I can't stress enough how important it will be for you to take all the perceived pressure off yourself and just relax.

 

You will be OK


Cheers

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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3 hours ago, hayduke said:

I was brought up stupidly overpressurised, I can't stress enough how important it will be for you to take all the perceived pressure off yourself and just relax.

 

I second this. I have finally learned at age 50 that it is just as productive to sit and stare into space for an hour than it is anything else.  I am currently spending quite a lot of time perfecting my art 😆

Sertraline (Lustral):  2014. Sept 50mg. Oct 100mg. Dec 150mg. 2015-2019. 150mg. 2019  Apr-May 0mg. Beg May 150mg. End May 100mg. Late June 125mg. Late Aug 100mg. 2020 Jan 75mg. April 50mg.

2022  50mg. 1Jan 45mg. 1Feb 40.5mg. Water T24Feb 39.5mg. 3Mar 38.5mg. 18Mar 38mg. 25Mar 37.5mg. 22Apr 37mg. 5May 36.5mg. 18May 36mg. 1Jun 35.3mg. 15Jun 34.5mg.  30Jun 34mg. 15Jul 33.5mg. 22Jul 33mg. 5Aug 32.5mg. 19Aug 32mg. 1Sept 31.5mg. 1Oct 31mg.  27 Oct 30.5. 16 Nov 30mg. 30 Nov 29.5mg. 14 Dec 29mg

2023. 2 Jan 28.5mg. 6 Feb 28mg. 10 Mar 27.5mg. 1 Apr 26.5mg. 1 May 26mg. 1 Jun 25.5mg. 1 Jul 25mg. 1 Aug 24.5mg. 17 Aug 24mg. 5 Sept 23.5mg. 9 Oct 23mg.

 

Desogestrel:  2014 -  present:  

Supplements Magnesium. 400mcg  Vitamin D. 10mcg.  Multivit/min. 1 tab. B Complex

 

Certirizine:   2022 May 10mg. Dec 20mg. 2023. 15mg.

 Omeprazole.:  2016 20mg. 2022  20mg.  15Jan 15mg. 9Feb 10mg. 25Feb 6.5mg. 15Mar 3mg. 3Apr 1.5mg.  15Apr 0mg   2023. 20mg. 15 Sept 15mg.

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Hi @Rrsfc
 

just wanted to check in and see how you are doing?

 

I hope you are managing to keep the symptoms under control and the updose is working.

Hayduke gave you some good advice and I’m not sure I can add anything to what he has said other than to say try not to be scared into doing something drastic with the dose without giving the updose a good chance to work.

 

Hope you’re doing OK. You have worked so hard for this. 

 

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Stabilised for 9 months @2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May2021 started slow taper from olanzapine, 5% previous dose per month. Oct 2021 1.875mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

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How are you doing @Rrsfc?

Thinking about you x

Sertraline (Lustral):  2014. Sept 50mg. Oct 100mg. Dec 150mg. 2015-2019. 150mg. 2019  Apr-May 0mg. Beg May 150mg. End May 100mg. Late June 125mg. Late Aug 100mg. 2020 Jan 75mg. April 50mg.

2022  50mg. 1Jan 45mg. 1Feb 40.5mg. Water T24Feb 39.5mg. 3Mar 38.5mg. 18Mar 38mg. 25Mar 37.5mg. 22Apr 37mg. 5May 36.5mg. 18May 36mg. 1Jun 35.3mg. 15Jun 34.5mg.  30Jun 34mg. 15Jul 33.5mg. 22Jul 33mg. 5Aug 32.5mg. 19Aug 32mg. 1Sept 31.5mg. 1Oct 31mg.  27 Oct 30.5. 16 Nov 30mg. 30 Nov 29.5mg. 14 Dec 29mg

2023. 2 Jan 28.5mg. 6 Feb 28mg. 10 Mar 27.5mg. 1 Apr 26.5mg. 1 May 26mg. 1 Jun 25.5mg. 1 Jul 25mg. 1 Aug 24.5mg. 17 Aug 24mg. 5 Sept 23.5mg. 9 Oct 23mg.

 

Desogestrel:  2014 -  present:  

Supplements Magnesium. 400mcg  Vitamin D. 10mcg.  Multivit/min. 1 tab. B Complex

 

Certirizine:   2022 May 10mg. Dec 20mg. 2023. 15mg.

 Omeprazole.:  2016 20mg. 2022  20mg.  15Jan 15mg. 9Feb 10mg. 25Feb 6.5mg. 15Mar 3mg. 3Apr 1.5mg.  15Apr 0mg   2023. 20mg. 15 Sept 15mg.

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Hi everyone, thank you @hayduke, @Blossom71 and @BadMedicine for stopping by, caring and trying to help me get through this.

 

I have been waiting for today to update my status because I had my first EMDR appointment. Since my last update I kept my dosage and I've been feeling slightly less psychosis everyday, it has been completely absent the last few days. I have been really sick with the flu or something like that, huge lack of energy, yesterday I was in bed almost the whole day just recovering. The last few days I've been resting whenever I can. I stopped all exercise and my mood kind of worsened, but today I feel like myself finally, tomorrow I'll try jogging like usual. Regarding psychosis I believe my recent approach is very effective to deal with it, I believe I already described that on my previous post. I no longer feel afraid, because it didn't escalate, it didn't affect my functioning apart from the initial fear, it all went pretty well I think. It was just a bump in the road and maybe a necessary bump. I now see psychosis as an internal messenger of the things I need to work on myself, a guide that if managed well can be really useful, not some foreign weird entity to be supressed at all costs like they wanted me to believe. This really helps I believe.

 

Regarding the EMDR I started talking about my traumatic situations and I felt nothing, not any emotion, not even a tear. The images would form in my mind and I would feel nothing, it was if I was seeing a movie, not myself. These were memories creates in a psychotic state so the brain processes them differently, but it is very weird this lack of engaging. I described a physical assault with a knife by a stranger that took me to the hospital and left me a scar, I was alone, in a foreign country it should have been traumatic enough right? The psychologist is going to read about this, let's see what she comes up with. So no EMDR, I left the session feeling relieved, but afterwards I felt this is not normal and I have to dig deeper. I'm trying to get my cousin on the phone, she was present for me 12 years ago when it happened, she picked me up at the airport, I believe it will be good talking to her about this. I also set up a walking in nature session with a friend, in which I'm going to speak about it, tell her what happened, to see if it sparks my emotional memory. I also had a first session with a new online therapist, I felt heard and I liked her a lot. I will consider having some sessions with her focusing on these issues. I also did my first group yoga class, I usually practice at home. It was nice, very different, I am also gonna talk with the teachsd about my lack of emotion, to ask her if there's a practice to help this situation. I also am considering doing a yoga session I did a few weeks ago to release emotions, focusing on the memories I do have at the moment to see if anything comes forward.

 

Going through all of this and my husband doesn't have a clue... 🤣🤣 Suppose I could tell him some things but I got used to getting my support regarding these issues with other people. All in all I feel good, I feel empowered, resilient, wiser, more open to dive even more within myself. Let's see what these new experiences bring to my life. My taper continues to be on hold, untill October like I already said I won't make any changes. Thank you for being part of my journey, may our burdens be a little lighter today and everyday...

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Sounds like you are doing really well @Rrsfc. Really pleased for you.
 

I think you are right about psychosis symptoms. The psychiatrists are too quick to suppress them come hell or high water. And don’t get me wrong there is definitely a place for medication, but they do really give an insight into your deepest fears and insecurities. As long as there is insight and distress levels from the symptoms are low, then they can be a force for change and really allow us to address our fears and parts of us which we would like to change. I truly believe that if we can solve the problems that the voices are high- lighting then psychotic episodes are much less likely to happen. I think this is what open dialogue is about. Your journey of self improvement is testament to that really. All the work you have put in  has enabled you to deal with this little bump calmly, without the need for massive quantities of drugs and you are coming out the other side wiser and more secure of your continued mental health.

 

About the EMDR. I have been reading a bit about it. I think it can be a very different experience for different people. Some respond with massive resurrection of emotion and others less so but just recalling and visualising the memory can be enough to re- process it I think. I’m no expert though. I know the first session I had when I first recalled the memories of the bullying I definitely felt a big up swelling of emotion but this has got less since. However I remember how I felt at times during the bullying and the emotion I felt this time wasn’t the same as I felt then. It was more grief over everything that had happened since, including getting ill and the aftermath of terrible drugs - which although was not solely because of the bullying, I’m sure it played a part. In the days following the EMDR I did re-play a few particularly bad encounters in my head but I think this is part of the process, as with hindsight you can re- frame them and realise that you weren’t the entire problem.

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Stabilised for 9 months @2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May2021 started slow taper from olanzapine, 5% previous dose per month. Oct 2021 1.875mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

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Hi @Rrsfc glad to see you stabilizing.

I may be wrong  and am also aware you are far ahead of me and more experienced, but felt like chipping in.

Dissolving 2.5mg in 10ml can cause high concentration of the medicine in each ml.

There may be possibilities of high variation of the drug in small changes made during the taper. Again, I may be wrong. 

I know you are holding till October untill everything settles down. 

I too am practicing Vipassana meditation a Buddhist method that keeps me relaxed even while at work or atleast helps me avoid getting tensed up. 

Wishing you the very best. 

On 15th June 2020 ,Started to taper 6.25mg olanzapine at the rate of 2.5% of the previous dose every 2 weeks.

13th Nov 2020 - 5mg of olanzapine, 900mg of sodium valproate, 0.25 mg of clonazepam

2020 Dec - 5mg olanzapine, 900mg sodium valproate, 5 mg valium. 

Dec 15th - 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 4mg valium. 

Jan 11th 2021- 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 1 mg valium. 

Feb 2nd - 4.88mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 0mg valium. 

March 1st- 4.75mg olanzapine, 800mg 

sodium valproate( currently holding SV )

March 9th - 4.63mg olanzapine.April 1st 4.5 April 15th 4.39,1st may 4.27,10thmay 4.16, 20th may 4.05,30th may3.95,15th june3.85, 25th June 3.75, 5th July 3.65, 17th July 3.55, 1st Aug 3.45, 23rd Aug 3.37

6th Sept 3.28, 17th Sept 3.20, 10th Oct 3.12, 21 Oct 3.03 , 1 Nov 2.95 , 11 Nov 2.88,

21 Nov 2.8 , 4 Dec 2.73 , 18 Dec 2.66 , 10 Jan 2022 2.59 , 31 Jan 2.52 , 14 Feb 2.5,1st Apr 2.44,17Apr2.37, 3may2.31, 17may2.25, 30may2.19, 20Jun2.13, 5jul2.07, 1Sept 2.01, 30sept 1.81, 29oct 1.81, 29Nov 1.71. (9dec 0mg of sodium valproate)24Dec1.62, 14Jan23 1.58, 4Feb 1.54, 4Mar 1.46, 4Apr 1.34, 5May 1.26, 2Jun 1.20, 5July1.14, 4Aug 1.08, 

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@BadMedicine I'm glad you can also see the potencial of the psychotic state to help us pinpoint what we should work on. I want to share something I don't remember if did. Before my first psychotic break I was really unhappy with some things in my life. I didn't exercise, ate a diet heavy in animal products, was a skeptic so no spiritual life. At my first Crisis I felt a big urge to eat salads, which I never liked, I was able to select the perfect foods (vegetarian), I lost weight. In my second crisis my psychosis completely took over, I divorced my husband, I started exercising, eating plant based, trying to understand my spirituality, to be in sync with nature, thinking about buddhism. All this came from nowhere it just manifested itself in my life. (Later I got together with the husband again, it's a happy story). In my unprepared state I got anemic from my diet. I suffered a lot with the meds they gave me to get off that crisis (I was at least 3 months psychotic living alone and really diving in). It's a long story but after the crisis I resumed my old self and was not psychotic but unwell in many ways for years. In 2017 I started to take action and unconsciously I followed the path the psychosis showed me and I've never been happier in my entire life. I was able to bring the things I learned with my psychosis to my everyday life in a sustainable educated way and I believe they healed my being of the sorrow, the sadness, the emptiness I've always felt. It's a very powerful message and now I'm starting to appreciate what all this really meant for me. I thought my psychosis was unhelpfull, I thought at times I could harness the creativity and fluidity to write a wonderful book ir get a million dollar idea and when that didn't happen I felt it meant nothing. But now I'm finally seeing the gift I was bestowed, it was like an awakening, a deep dive within myself, frightening sometimes, others joyfull, but always so intense. I've been thinking a lot about this lately, that we are in the earth to evolve, to be challenges, and this was my spiritual awakening. 

 

About the EMDR from what you described is going well, give it time. You are very brave facing your fears. It's the path we must take if we want to get better... I believe you're mourning your posses of health, of Joy, of balance. The best thing you can give yourself right now is self-compassion. Google it if you aren't aware of how to do it, it's really important. I wish you light and courage on your journey 😊

 

@Venkat you make a good point, but I've been using this easy method and never felt a uneven dose,at first I was a bit scared but gradually I lost the fear. I'm the type of person that wants an easy, simple method without any calculations. It may not be the best but for me it's working. But thank you for your input, really, I like to exchange ideas. I'm not that experienced, I don't find it easy to calculate and measure everything so thoroughly like hayduke has done, I'm more of a no fuss, forget I'm tapering, go as slow as possible kind of girl. So this method at the moment is perfect for me. Do you want to tell me more about your meditation? I'm trying to get in the habit of meditating for a year now, I do it in the morning after my yoga. I just do mindfulness, focus on my bodily sensations, outside noises, things like that. I'm doing 10m, going up to 15m I think I am ready for that. I love my yoga/meditation combo, it really soothes me and I believe it's giving me some benefits. Thank you for your

 wishes, I wish you all the best too and for stopping by, it's always a pleasure to hear from you. 😊

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Hi @Rrsfc

If that method of tapering is helping you then nothing like sticking to it. I am happy that you are sailing so smoothly. 

I have been practising meditation since about 25yrs. My life was very smooth and stable , I was able to carry awareness ( mindfulness) at work, while socializing, while driving and even at home. I was able to get into a blissful state any time I wanted. Then I made that one terrible mistake of attending an intense 10 day meditation course where I was deprived of sleep due to intense meditation techniques and broke down into a psychotic episode on the 8th day . Of the 150 members attending I was the only one affected adversely. After that I never had the courage to send any one to that center although nobody else suffered there like me. My meditation psychosis was probably a result of genetic predisposition and lack of sleep for  a few consecutive nights.

I was recovering spontaneously but my family members forced me into a hospital and i was heavily medicated with antipsychotics, antidepressants, tranquilizers and mood stabilizers which showed me what was hell on earth like for about 5 yrs. All the time not knowing that I was suffering because of the psychiatric medications and not psychosis.

 

Thanks to Dr Peter Breggin ,  Ashton manual and SA I am recovering now.

 

In spite of going through all this because of meditation I still cannot give up meditation. Its taste is too addicting and I want to be addicted to it.

 

My prayer to those who are meditating is , never compromise on sleep and avoid intense meditation techniques because we can never know if we are predisposed to meditation psychosis. 

 

Thank you again for your best wishes Rrsfc 😊

On 15th June 2020 ,Started to taper 6.25mg olanzapine at the rate of 2.5% of the previous dose every 2 weeks.

13th Nov 2020 - 5mg of olanzapine, 900mg of sodium valproate, 0.25 mg of clonazepam

2020 Dec - 5mg olanzapine, 900mg sodium valproate, 5 mg valium. 

Dec 15th - 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 4mg valium. 

Jan 11th 2021- 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 1 mg valium. 

Feb 2nd - 4.88mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 0mg valium. 

March 1st- 4.75mg olanzapine, 800mg 

sodium valproate( currently holding SV )

March 9th - 4.63mg olanzapine.April 1st 4.5 April 15th 4.39,1st may 4.27,10thmay 4.16, 20th may 4.05,30th may3.95,15th june3.85, 25th June 3.75, 5th July 3.65, 17th July 3.55, 1st Aug 3.45, 23rd Aug 3.37

6th Sept 3.28, 17th Sept 3.20, 10th Oct 3.12, 21 Oct 3.03 , 1 Nov 2.95 , 11 Nov 2.88,

21 Nov 2.8 , 4 Dec 2.73 , 18 Dec 2.66 , 10 Jan 2022 2.59 , 31 Jan 2.52 , 14 Feb 2.5,1st Apr 2.44,17Apr2.37, 3may2.31, 17may2.25, 30may2.19, 20Jun2.13, 5jul2.07, 1Sept 2.01, 30sept 1.81, 29oct 1.81, 29Nov 1.71. (9dec 0mg of sodium valproate)24Dec1.62, 14Jan23 1.58, 4Feb 1.54, 4Mar 1.46, 4Apr 1.34, 5May 1.26, 2Jun 1.20, 5July1.14, 4Aug 1.08, 

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@Venkat thank you for sharing so much of your story. It's a bit weird how society nowadays treats psychosis, I'm so sorry you suffered so much. I believe it's misinformation that feeds this fear and over medicalization of these states even when they seem they can go away on their own and have a designed cause... I've read about meditation psychosis, that's why I've been sticking to mindfulness... I am very careful with every treatment, medication, techniques I use. Sometimes things that seem pretty harmless can have an effect on us, I trust my common sense and my body not everyone else's judgement now. I'm so sorry for your family's reaction, that must have been pretty hard too. In the hearing voices movement I deal with family and friends of voice hearers and it is so important to spread a different approach to psychosis. And leople should be able to understand better what these drugs do to us. I'm so glad you were able to find help and that you're healing. You should do meditation that you love and that is super healthy for you, just be careful as you said with the techniques you use. I really liked knowing a little more about yourself and how you got here. I'm beginning to think of you guys as dear friends, because no one really understands our struggles as the people here in the forum. My other friends can hear me out but they can't grasp it. Even today I was talking to a friend and she was telling me if I feel happy on this dose why not stay here indefinetely, She agrees with my husband. I told her my psychiatrist was happy when I was at 5mg but I was miserable, I had to force coming down to 2,5mg and then he felt it was the right dose for me. If I caved in to his "expertise" where would I be today? I don't know everything I am today until I get off this drug. I will never know for sure if I will have another crisis, on or off the drug. I am willing to see and learn and to risk my stability for this. I believe I am brave for doing this, no one I know would do that, they feel taking meds is a normal compromise and I should live with it. But I can't accept that, a part of me does not accept it without giving it a fair try. I believe I will succeed, maybe I will have some residual psychosis but if it's like what I'm feeling at the moment it's ok, I can live with that. I believe now that my psychosis was kind of a spiritual awakening. I know this mau sound too dar out, I was a skeptic too but I changed... Things were weird and intense and they shook me to the core, they changed how I am as a person. The wounds are healing and all I can feel now is gratefulness for being able to enjoy life like I never was able to. Mindfulness on everyday life is very pleasant, I do it too. People talk a lot about what they've lost on this process but I gained also so much. I suffered horrendously but I conquered also knowledge, discipline, self-esteem, trusting myself more, having a clearer view of what I want out of life, happiness, the lista goes on and on... I wish you love and light on your path and that you are able to appreciate the lessons your experience gave and gives you. 

 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Thank you @hayduke for your concern and suggestions. I ended up not doing any EMDR, but memories are surfacing and this time I'm talking to people about it, trying to feel some emotions, to integrate it properly to face my fears and release my past hurts. I talked with the psychologist, this weekend talked with 2 friends and this was a very intense experience. It's a path. I've been doing yoga regularly and I am changing some things on my meditation practice, I feel the need of the stilness. I'm getting more buddhist each day that passes. My mind craves the stilness, the nature, the quiet reflexion and I'm trying to follow this path. My psychotic symptoms are so subdued they seem almost gone but they are still here, getting used to them lingering, they are a part of me and I must reflect on the message they bring. It has been a very intense process from the psychological and spiritual point of view, but I am handling things as they come up. Tomorrow I'll be meeting with 2 practicing buddhists to talk about my spiritual fears, maybe I'll release a bit more. I have high expectations for this meeting. So to sum up, a lot is happening inside at this stage and I'm going with the flow. Today I'm feeling some sadness, don't really know why but I'm sure it's part of all this process I'm going through. I'll try to accept it and take good care of it even though I can't grasp very well why it's here. Feelings need to be felt and cared for, I'll try to do it properly. Today is day 17 after I updosed, day 109 of my taper. Hope you all are doing well. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Hi everyone, just wanted to update my situation. Today is day 112 of my taper, day 20 after my updose to 2,25mg olanzapine.

 

These last few days I've been feeling emotional, talking to my friends about my assault over the weekend (13 years ago, never talked about since if happened) and my past crisis memories stired everything up like I hopeda it would and the tears are slowly coming. I feel I can finally feel vulnerable now, that it's finally safe to do so. Even just writing this I am tearing up. But it's not a convulsive desperate cry like it was when I was mentally unstable, it's a soft cry, a release cry, a compassion cry for myself. I had to become a problem solver for so many years, focus on the next problem and then the next, trying to figure out how to handle my crisis on so many ways, I was not safe to truely feel the sadness and the grief. It feels painful sometimes but is also really good. I cry so little each time but many times a day, it's a very slow release. I don't really remember anything, just release the sadness I've holding up inside. I am learning not to fear this release of emotion, it happens because I'm ready, because it's needed, because I'm healing. I'm not doing any EMDR, I don't think it's needed at least right now. I'm just gonna surrender to these feelings and nurture them and myself. Get in touch with my sensitive side, with nature, with my body. My meditation and yoga practices are feeling more second nature each day that goes by, I feel I'm letting go of so many things. The hurt, the need to control, the fear. I trust that this path will bring me happiness, peace, I have faith in the universe and in myself. No need to fear, to doubt, the path will unfold itself when it must. My reflexions are getting deeper and that makes me want to up even further my meditation practice. 

 

I hope you all are having a wonderful peaceful and insightful day. I sendo my love and light to you all. ❤️

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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On 4/20/2022 at 3:13 PM, Blossom71 said:

it is just as productive to sit and stare into space for an hour than it is anything else.  I am currently spending quite a lot of time perfecting my art 😆

Yesterday it was the first time I went walking and really listened and connected with my surroundings. My inner voice said to me to just take off the earplugs in a very soft way and I figured I could try. I usually heard music, an audiobook or talked on the phone. It was a start, of being completely attuned. I always felt the need to be "productive", especially listening to books. I felt I must continue to listen, I never knew when I would finally hear the one thing that made me have a breakthrough. Now I choose the moments and I adjust: what do I feel like? Just thinking... Attuning to the surroundings... Listening/talking... It's a less mechanical way and more respectful way of managing my time. I forced myself on occasions above my strengths and that worned

 me off. Now I'm building more balance, "stearing at space" more often. I confess I don't usually stare, I have to write on my diary 🤣🤣. So I still have a way to improve, to feel safe just being, letting go of this "being productive" mentality. It had a place in my life when I needed to muster discipline but now I need balance, not just discipline and I have to back off having everything so routinely done and open my life to nothingness. Sometimes I read what was said before because when I read it the first time I was in a completely different headspace. I like being able to go back and reread. I always find new meanings and reflexions when I do this. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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16 minutes ago, Rrsfc said:

"stearing at space" more often. I confess I don't usually stare, I have to write on my diary 🤣🤣.

I don't always stare either, although i do do a lot of that sometimes!!

I can be flicking through a plant catalogue, painting my nails, doing some hand sewing, doing some colouring, thinking about the weekend and how I'd like to spend my time, remembering lovely times I've had with people, spend time on Google earth walking around interesting places in the world etc.  Or anything that gives my mind some space to wander.  Its that space to 'just be' again.  That and being present in the moment seems to be featuring heavily at the moment for me! 😂

 

Well done for taking your earphones off and connecting with your surroundings.  I know it can be hard to slow down or be brave enough to do that.  I'm itching for my walk after work today. It's a lovely day and I need cat treats and the walk to the shop will pass lots of hedges where the sparrows are currently nesting. The hedges will be alive with fluttering and cheeping, and will be remind me to slow down, watch and listen. 

Sertraline (Lustral):  2014. Sept 50mg. Oct 100mg. Dec 150mg. 2015-2019. 150mg. 2019  Apr-May 0mg. Beg May 150mg. End May 100mg. Late June 125mg. Late Aug 100mg. 2020 Jan 75mg. April 50mg.

2022  50mg. 1Jan 45mg. 1Feb 40.5mg. Water T24Feb 39.5mg. 3Mar 38.5mg. 18Mar 38mg. 25Mar 37.5mg. 22Apr 37mg. 5May 36.5mg. 18May 36mg. 1Jun 35.3mg. 15Jun 34.5mg.  30Jun 34mg. 15Jul 33.5mg. 22Jul 33mg. 5Aug 32.5mg. 19Aug 32mg. 1Sept 31.5mg. 1Oct 31mg.  27 Oct 30.5. 16 Nov 30mg. 30 Nov 29.5mg. 14 Dec 29mg

2023. 2 Jan 28.5mg. 6 Feb 28mg. 10 Mar 27.5mg. 1 Apr 26.5mg. 1 May 26mg. 1 Jun 25.5mg. 1 Jul 25mg. 1 Aug 24.5mg. 17 Aug 24mg. 5 Sept 23.5mg. 9 Oct 23mg.

 

Desogestrel:  2014 -  present:  

Supplements Magnesium. 400mcg  Vitamin D. 10mcg.  Multivit/min. 1 tab. B Complex

 

Certirizine:   2022 May 10mg. Dec 20mg. 2023. 15mg.

 Omeprazole.:  2016 20mg. 2022  20mg.  15Jan 15mg. 9Feb 10mg. 25Feb 6.5mg. 15Mar 3mg. 3Apr 1.5mg.  15Apr 0mg   2023. 20mg. 15 Sept 15mg.

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Hi @Rrsfc

Just a little note to say thank you so much for your kind posts on my thread. Lovely to "meet" you and thank you so much for your support. It really makes a difference! 

I'm sorry you have been through so much. It's impressive and inspiring how far you've come on your healing journey. Hats off for all your hard work!

It is beautiful to read about your experiences, thank you for sharing, it helps us all. 

Wishing you moments of peace and lightness,

A.

 

 

 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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@Ariel thank you for your kind words and encouragement, you seem to be a wonderful bright person, it's a pleasure to be part of your journey and that you are a part of mine.

 

Today I feel I am at a crossroad. It all started friday, at my yoga class. I cried during the class and afterwards opened up to my teacher about my voice hearing and that I was carrying a lot of suffering inside. She is a very spiritual person, she really gives me a good feeling, and she encouraged me to accept this experience with love and openess, but also told me mental health issues are different from spiritual ones. She suggested I should read "many lives many masters" and I did it. all this combined is stirring something inside me and my symptoms are getting worse. I already booked an appointment with a different psychologist to help me understand what I want to do. I can a) give it more time and see if things settle down b) go to 2,5mg olanzapine and give up tapering (may not work, may have to end up upping the dosage) c) go to 5mg olanzapine and then come down to 2,5mg olanzapine and give up tapering (a safer alternative). I really want to give myself a good last chance, but I am afraid the symptoms will escalate beyond my control. I am thinking straight and sleeping well, but they are getting more intense, I have more difficulty not focusing on them. The voice I hear calls this living in duality. It tells me many things. My attitude towards this will depende a lot if I think this is a spiritual matter or a mental illness matter. There are arguments towards each side of the scale, now that I am trying to conquer my fears of spirituality I can see things from a different perspective. To get things in perspective I just hear a voice that says things to me about myself and my life, not about others or the world, not any premonitions or things like that, and our relationship changed a lot over the years, even though it's intense it's much more manageable than before.  Each crisis seems like the voice has the same "essence" but with different words and a different focus. Now it's focused on spirituality, and on my mission on earth. I won't go into specifics because I don't want to trigger anyone, the problem is that it all makes some sense if you believe in reincarnation and that we are here to evolve and grow spiritualy and also help others achieve that goal. I cannot say it has been disrespectful or bad or anything, it's just a bit tiring and the experiences end up making me feel isolated from people. I worked so hard to be a part of society, to heal, other than this I am in perfect health. I'm not manic, depressed, delusional, anything, I just hear this voice in my head and feel things in my body that are not my own (might come from subconcious), and I would like to know for sure what my experiences are but I haven't found anyone who can tell me, I haven't looked beyond paychology and psychiatry because I don't want to fall in the wrong hands, it's a very delicate matter. At least it is important to explore what the voice says, because it's related to my inmost experiences, and for that it's valuable for me to try to live with it for a while, be it a mental or spiritual experience but I am afraid things will get bad for me and I will ruin my life. Fear is always present, I am concluding more and more that fear is something really at the core of my issues. I was dining with my unsuspecting parents and they told me how my good health made them happy. I was struggling through dinner to focus on the exchanges and not on my inner symptoms. I don't want them to go through anything bad on my account, they are old and deserve their peace. There are a lot of arguments to just forget my taper and try to get rid of this voice before it ruins my life. At the moment I can cope, but what if suddenly I can't? My worst fear is that it is an obsessor, a spirit with bad intentions, whenever I think this I get worse because of my fear. Strong emotions make me worse. I always think this from time to time, it's now time to face this fear, I don't really know how but I will have to face it. Well and these are my news, hope this is not too hard to read, I don't want to trigger anyone but dealing with psychosis can be a handful. Just looking for some insights... Thank you for reading and contributing. Hope you have a nice day.

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Hi @Rrsfc. Sorry you are going through this. I understand your fear. There is so much unknown when we experience symptoms such as hearing voices. They are so intrinsically linked to our beliefs, hopes and fears that it is difficult to discern whether they are just an unconventional way of experiencing our feelings, that society hasn’t fully accepted or whether they are something that is borne of illness and needs to be stopped. I think the degree of symptoms is what needs to guide you with your decision. Only you know how they are making you feel and how they are impacting your life. If they are mostly helping you achieve your spiritual goals and take you further on your journey of healing and discovery then that is fine. If they are getting in the way of your relationships and daily tasks then you may need to do something about it. It is a difficult decision and I know how disappointing it is to feel like you are going backwards. I had hoped to be much further along with my taper by now. But there is no rushing these things. Have to be guided by the body. I hope you come to a division you are happy with and that thing’s settle down for you and you continue to be able to live a happy, enlightened life. 

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Stabilised for 9 months @2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May2021 started slow taper from olanzapine, 5% previous dose per month. Oct 2021 1.875mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

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*decision

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Stabilised for 9 months @2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May2021 started slow taper from olanzapine, 5% previous dose per month. Oct 2021 1.875mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

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Hi @Rrsfc really sorry to hear about what you are going through. We are with you. Hope you take a good decision which helps you stabilize and helps you in your spiritual journey as well.

 

With my experience with updosing I would say not to updose to 2.5 suddenly but to gradually updose bit by bit until you reach 2.5 and feel stable and strong. 

 

Updosing to 5mg straightaway  from where you are and then tapering towards 2.5 can be avoided. 

 

After you stabilize, once the voices have stopped and you are happy as you were when you were on 2.5 earlier, decisions about tapering or staying on that dose can be taken later. 

 

Wishing you a speedy stability.

 

On 15th June 2020 ,Started to taper 6.25mg olanzapine at the rate of 2.5% of the previous dose every 2 weeks.

13th Nov 2020 - 5mg of olanzapine, 900mg of sodium valproate, 0.25 mg of clonazepam

2020 Dec - 5mg olanzapine, 900mg sodium valproate, 5 mg valium. 

Dec 15th - 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 4mg valium. 

Jan 11th 2021- 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 1 mg valium. 

Feb 2nd - 4.88mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 0mg valium. 

March 1st- 4.75mg olanzapine, 800mg 

sodium valproate( currently holding SV )

March 9th - 4.63mg olanzapine.April 1st 4.5 April 15th 4.39,1st may 4.27,10thmay 4.16, 20th may 4.05,30th may3.95,15th june3.85, 25th June 3.75, 5th July 3.65, 17th July 3.55, 1st Aug 3.45, 23rd Aug 3.37

6th Sept 3.28, 17th Sept 3.20, 10th Oct 3.12, 21 Oct 3.03 , 1 Nov 2.95 , 11 Nov 2.88,

21 Nov 2.8 , 4 Dec 2.73 , 18 Dec 2.66 , 10 Jan 2022 2.59 , 31 Jan 2.52 , 14 Feb 2.5,1st Apr 2.44,17Apr2.37, 3may2.31, 17may2.25, 30may2.19, 20Jun2.13, 5jul2.07, 1Sept 2.01, 30sept 1.81, 29oct 1.81, 29Nov 1.71. (9dec 0mg of sodium valproate)24Dec1.62, 14Jan23 1.58, 4Feb 1.54, 4Mar 1.46, 4Apr 1.34, 5May 1.26, 2Jun 1.20, 5July1.14, 4Aug 1.08, 

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Hi @Rrsfc

I am so sorry you're dealing with this. I don't have any experience so i have no useful insights or pearls of wisdom, but I want to say that we are behind you wherever you go from here.

 

18 minutes ago, Venkat said:

After you stabilize, once the voices have stopped and you are happy as you were when you were on 2.5 earlier, decisions about tapering or staying on that dose can be taken later. 

I totally agree with this.   There's no need to add pressure to decide on the long term plan right now, it's more important that you are stable and happy.

 

If you take your time you will decide on an the 'right' approach for right here and right now.

 

Sending you love 😘

Sertraline (Lustral):  2014. Sept 50mg. Oct 100mg. Dec 150mg. 2015-2019. 150mg. 2019  Apr-May 0mg. Beg May 150mg. End May 100mg. Late June 125mg. Late Aug 100mg. 2020 Jan 75mg. April 50mg.

2022  50mg. 1Jan 45mg. 1Feb 40.5mg. Water T24Feb 39.5mg. 3Mar 38.5mg. 18Mar 38mg. 25Mar 37.5mg. 22Apr 37mg. 5May 36.5mg. 18May 36mg. 1Jun 35.3mg. 15Jun 34.5mg.  30Jun 34mg. 15Jul 33.5mg. 22Jul 33mg. 5Aug 32.5mg. 19Aug 32mg. 1Sept 31.5mg. 1Oct 31mg.  27 Oct 30.5. 16 Nov 30mg. 30 Nov 29.5mg. 14 Dec 29mg

2023. 2 Jan 28.5mg. 6 Feb 28mg. 10 Mar 27.5mg. 1 Apr 26.5mg. 1 May 26mg. 1 Jun 25.5mg. 1 Jul 25mg. 1 Aug 24.5mg. 17 Aug 24mg. 5 Sept 23.5mg. 9 Oct 23mg.

 

Desogestrel:  2014 -  present:  

Supplements Magnesium. 400mcg  Vitamin D. 10mcg.  Multivit/min. 1 tab. B Complex

 

Certirizine:   2022 May 10mg. Dec 20mg. 2023. 15mg.

 Omeprazole.:  2016 20mg. 2022  20mg.  15Jan 15mg. 9Feb 10mg. 25Feb 6.5mg. 15Mar 3mg. 3Apr 1.5mg.  15Apr 0mg   2023. 20mg. 15 Sept 15mg.

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@Rrsfc

may i send you a PM?

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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Hi @Ariel I've never used the private message tool but yes you can. Thank you!

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Hi @Blossom71 @Venkat@BadMedicine thank you for your messages and concern it was wonderful feeling all that love and reading your insights. I am figuring things out, when I have something defined I will post. I had the psychologist appointment and I must say she is the right person at the right time and that is so reassuring. I meditated a lot today and it was very good for my mental state. As I write this I am very calm and I feel well. I am finally facing my fears and I am sure I will get to the bottom of this like I did with all the rest. I am a brave person and I will not give up until I finally figured it out. It would mean a lot if you include me in your prayers or good thoughts. I believe that the energy of love and compassion is the most powerful energy in the universe and can conquer anything. Thank you all for your kindness so far, for being present. I check my inbox a lot looking for your messages, they always soothe me and make me feel cared. One more day, one more battle, one more lesson. I will share more when things settle down. Thank you again with all my heart.

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Hi Rrsfc, how are you doing.

On 15th June 2020 ,Started to taper 6.25mg olanzapine at the rate of 2.5% of the previous dose every 2 weeks.

13th Nov 2020 - 5mg of olanzapine, 900mg of sodium valproate, 0.25 mg of clonazepam

2020 Dec - 5mg olanzapine, 900mg sodium valproate, 5 mg valium. 

Dec 15th - 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 4mg valium. 

Jan 11th 2021- 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 1 mg valium. 

Feb 2nd - 4.88mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 0mg valium. 

March 1st- 4.75mg olanzapine, 800mg 

sodium valproate( currently holding SV )

March 9th - 4.63mg olanzapine.April 1st 4.5 April 15th 4.39,1st may 4.27,10thmay 4.16, 20th may 4.05,30th may3.95,15th june3.85, 25th June 3.75, 5th July 3.65, 17th July 3.55, 1st Aug 3.45, 23rd Aug 3.37

6th Sept 3.28, 17th Sept 3.20, 10th Oct 3.12, 21 Oct 3.03 , 1 Nov 2.95 , 11 Nov 2.88,

21 Nov 2.8 , 4 Dec 2.73 , 18 Dec 2.66 , 10 Jan 2022 2.59 , 31 Jan 2.52 , 14 Feb 2.5,1st Apr 2.44,17Apr2.37, 3may2.31, 17may2.25, 30may2.19, 20Jun2.13, 5jul2.07, 1Sept 2.01, 30sept 1.81, 29oct 1.81, 29Nov 1.71. (9dec 0mg of sodium valproate)24Dec1.62, 14Jan23 1.58, 4Feb 1.54, 4Mar 1.46, 4Apr 1.34, 5May 1.26, 2Jun 1.20, 5July1.14, 4Aug 1.08, 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hi everyone, thanks @Venkatfor the concern. I haven't been doing very well. I had a huge psychotic break and am now on a high dosage of olanzapine. This was my last attempt at tapering from 2,5mg. I will taper this high dosage with the help of my doctor and live my life taking 2,5mg everyday. This last attempt was my last chance, I am now convinced I cannot taper from 2,5mg olanzapine safely, so I finally give up. I gave it my best shot and I failed sometimes life is like that. Luckily the meds saved me from myself, I was a danger to myself and for others while on crisis. I am recovering now, trying to go by my days in the best way I can, dreaming about the day I will be on 2,5mg olanzapine again. But I am making it count, I continue to work, walk, run, meditate, although this all is very tiring for my system at the moment. So to sum it up, thank you all for your support, I wish you the best for your tapers, my journey probably ends here. I still have to go down safely to 2,5mg, I am hoping things will turn out well as they did in the past (I never had any issues coming down except from 2,5mg). Thank you SA for all the knowledge and support through this years. I was contemplating my psychosis is somewhat a spiritual matter, at the moment I don't believe it to be so. And even with good nutrition and a great lifestyle I wasn't able to avoid being dangerously psychotic. So it's something deep in me, something I cannot escape, just try to manage the best I can throughout my life. But all the lifestyle changes helped me feel better they did help, they just didn't stop the psychosis from happening. I must think of my loved ones who suffer so much seeing me transformed into someone else. So goodbye and I hope you can go down safely from the drugs you're tapering even though I wasn't able to do it myself.

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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@Rrsfc

Sending you so much love 

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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5 hours ago, Rrsfc said:

Hi everyone, thanks @Venkatfor the concern. I haven't been doing very well. I had a huge psychotic break and am now on a high dosage of olanzapine. This was my last attempt at tapering from 2,5mg. I will taper this high dosage with the help of my doctor and live my life taking 2,5mg everyday. This last attempt was my last chance, I am now convinced I cannot taper from 2,5mg olanzapine safely, so I finally give up. I gave it my best shot and I failed sometimes life is like that. Luckily the meds saved me from myself, I was a danger to myself and for others while on crisis. I am recovering now, trying to go by my days in the best way I can, dreaming about the day I will be on 2,5mg olanzapine again. But I am making it count, I continue to work, walk, run, meditate, although this all is very tiring for my system at the moment. So to sum it up, thank you all for your support, I wish you the best for your tapers, my journey probably ends here. I still have to go down safely to 2,5mg, I am hoping things will turn out well as they did in the past (I never had any issues coming down except from 2,5mg). Thank you SA for all the knowledge and support through this years. I was contemplating my psychosis is somewhat a spiritual matter, at the moment I don't believe it to be so. And even with good nutrition and a great lifestyle I wasn't able to avoid being dangerously psychotic. So it's something deep in me, something I cannot escape, just try to manage the best I can throughout my life. But all the lifestyle changes helped me feel better they did help, they just didn't stop the psychosis from happening. I must think of my loved ones who suffer so much seeing me transformed into someone else. So goodbye and I hope you can go down safely from the drugs you're tapering even though I wasn't able to do it myself.

 

Sending you lots of love

Have you heard of Hearing Voices Network? It is a UK based org but they have online support groups and it might be helpful to check them out and they have non-pathological ways of making sense of unusual experiences such as voice hearing and visions and they also have a forum to share experiences like this one.

https://www.hearing-voices.org/

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Rapid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021 2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg
March 2021-March 2022- remove 1 bead Cymbalta per month-6 weeks - switch to Testogel 50mg then back to Enatate 0.4ml
March 2022 - Switch to Nebido 1000mg (every 12 weeks) - 2 beads Cymbalta (0.3mg)

April 2022 - 1 bead Cymbalta (0.15mg)

May 18th 2022 - 0 Beads (0.00mg) - 100% PSYCH DRUG FREE!
Supplements - Magnesium Malate, (half teaspoon) Glycinate, L-theronate (quater teaspoon) dissolved in water 2mg Melotonin, 1000mg Omega-3 Fish Oil x3 daily

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I am very sad to read this news @Rrsfc. You have worked so hard to get yourself in a position to get off the drugs and you really deserved to be able to do it. However, that work is not lost. Because of your hard work You know you can be happy and stable on 2.5mg, which is a really low dose.  There is no shame having to take medication. I wish you a speedy recovery and taper back to 2.5mg. I have really enjoyed our interactions together. Much love . BM

 

Sept 2018 - Nov 2018 200mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine. 

Nov 2018 - Jan 2018 200mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jan 2019 - mid Feb 2019 reduced sertraline from 200 - 50mg, 7.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

Feb 2019- Jun 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 7.5mg olanzapine.

Jun 2019 - Oct 2019 30mg mirtazapine, 50mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine.

Oct 2019 - Nov 2019 37.gmg sertraline, 39mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine.

Nov 2019 -Dec 2019 25mg sertraline, 30mg mirtazapine, 5mg olanzapine. Jan 2020 18.75mg sertraline, 5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Feb 2020 0mg sertraline, 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May 2020 1.8mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Aug 2020 2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. Stabilised for 9 months @2.5mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine. May2021 started slow taper from olanzapine, 5% previous dose per month. Oct 2021 1.875mg olanzapine, 30mg mirtazapine.

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Really sorry to hear you had a psychotic episode. Glad that you have stabilised now.

It is good that you were able to take a final decision on tapering. You were doing quite well at 2.5 . So once you taper down to 2.5mg and you are stable,  steady and happy that should be fine. As Badmedicine said 2.5 is a very small amount. Just as those with diabetes or hypertension take their medications daily without problems so to you can live your whole life happily. Try not to leave SA atleast till you reach 2.5.

We are all there with you and we enjoy your company. Take care. 

 

Regards, venkat 

On 15th June 2020 ,Started to taper 6.25mg olanzapine at the rate of 2.5% of the previous dose every 2 weeks.

13th Nov 2020 - 5mg of olanzapine, 900mg of sodium valproate, 0.25 mg of clonazepam

2020 Dec - 5mg olanzapine, 900mg sodium valproate, 5 mg valium. 

Dec 15th - 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 4mg valium. 

Jan 11th 2021- 5mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 1 mg valium. 

Feb 2nd - 4.88mg olanzapine, 800mg sodium valproate, 0mg valium. 

March 1st- 4.75mg olanzapine, 800mg 

sodium valproate( currently holding SV )

March 9th - 4.63mg olanzapine.April 1st 4.5 April 15th 4.39,1st may 4.27,10thmay 4.16, 20th may 4.05,30th may3.95,15th june3.85, 25th June 3.75, 5th July 3.65, 17th July 3.55, 1st Aug 3.45, 23rd Aug 3.37

6th Sept 3.28, 17th Sept 3.20, 10th Oct 3.12, 21 Oct 3.03 , 1 Nov 2.95 , 11 Nov 2.88,

21 Nov 2.8 , 4 Dec 2.73 , 18 Dec 2.66 , 10 Jan 2022 2.59 , 31 Jan 2.52 , 14 Feb 2.5,1st Apr 2.44,17Apr2.37, 3may2.31, 17may2.25, 30may2.19, 20Jun2.13, 5jul2.07, 1Sept 2.01, 30sept 1.81, 29oct 1.81, 29Nov 1.71. (9dec 0mg of sodium valproate)24Dec1.62, 14Jan23 1.58, 4Feb 1.54, 4Mar 1.46, 4Apr 1.34, 5May 1.26, 2Jun 1.20, 5July1.14, 4Aug 1.08, 

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Hi @Arielthank you for your best wishes. @dirtvoidI am familiar with the voice Hering network, thank you so much for suggesting. @BadMedicine it sucks not being able to taper till the end but I can live a happy life on 2,5mg and I am looking forward to that. I also enjoyed our exchanges, I hope you cross the finish line one day. @Venkatthank you for your support, 2,5mg was indeed a good low dose for me, let's see how long I will take to reach it. I'll linger a bit more on the forum, to see how you all are doing.

 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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4 hours ago, Rrsfc said:

Hi @Arielthank you for your best wishes. @dirtvoidI am familiar with the voice Hering network, thank you so much for suggesting. @BadMedicine it sucks not being able to taper till the end but I can live a happy life on 2,5mg and I am looking forward to that. I also enjoyed our exchanges, I hope you cross the finish line one day. @Venkatthank you for your support, 2,5mg was indeed a good low dose for me, let's see how long I will take to reach it. I'll linger a bit more on the forum, to see how you all are doing.

 

 

The goal of all of this to is live the best quality of life possible for some that means less drugs and / or lower dose and for some that means coming off everything - I respect your decision to do what works for you and wish you all the best!

2009-2017 - 40mg Prozac, 2mg Risperdal, 200mg Seroquel, 7.5mg Zopiclone, 1.5mg Lorazepam, 50mg Setraline, 6mg Valium, 1mg Clonzepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone 7.5mg, - Adderall 20mg, 20mg Ritalin, 1mg Clonazepam, 7.5mg Zopiclone ,50mg Trazadone  40mg Citalopram, 40mg Strattera - 5mg Abilify, 250mg Trazadone, 40mg Testosterone (pills) - 100mg Seroqual, 50mg Remeron- 150mg Wellbutrin XL - Clonazepam 1mg > 5-6mg (and Bridge to Valium 40mg), Pregabalin - 300mg > 600mg, Ritalin 40mg,  0.25m>0.5mll Testosterone Entate, Adderall 30mg, Oxycodone 10mg, Loxapine 40mg, Seroquel 100mg, Lamitical 75mg, Cyclobenzaprine 15mg, Tramadol 200mg, Codeine 120mg, October - 2017 - Begin Valium taper at 40mg - 2mg every two weeks June 2018 - Rapid Detox in rehab from 200mg Tramadol, 600mg Pregabalin, 4mg Valium over 3 weeks. August 2018 Cold Turkey 70mg Lisdexamfetamine  October 2018 - 30mg Cymbalta, Feburary 2019 reinstate 70mg Lisdexamfetamine March 2019 Cold turkey Cymbalta&Lisdexamfetamine July 2019 - Reinstate 30mg Cymbalta and 70mg Lisdexamfetamine. October 2019  start taper 5-10% Cymbalta every 2-4 weeks  February 2021 2.42mg Cymbalta (15 beads) 0.4ml Testosterone Enantate IM biweekly Discontinued CT - Lisdexamfetamine 70mg
March 2021-March 2022- remove 1 bead Cymbalta per month-6 weeks - switch to Testogel 50mg then back to Enatate 0.4ml
March 2022 - Switch to Nebido 1000mg (every 12 weeks) - 2 beads Cymbalta (0.3mg)

April 2022 - 1 bead Cymbalta (0.15mg)

May 18th 2022 - 0 Beads (0.00mg) - 100% PSYCH DRUG FREE!
Supplements - Magnesium Malate, (half teaspoon) Glycinate, L-theronate (quater teaspoon) dissolved in water 2mg Melotonin, 1000mg Omega-3 Fish Oil x3 daily

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Thank you @dirtvoidfor your best wishes. Some decisions are hard to make but it's the right thing to do or I will spend the rest of my life trying and failing. I hope this crisis ends soon, things are not easy at the moment. The symptoms have subsided, I still have them ocasionally, but I never feel just well and rested like I used to, I believe it's due to the drugs. I was so happy about my weight loss and now I am gaining weight again. I don't have energy to run or walk like I used to and my mood is also suffering. I tried but I felt vey tired, this week I am taking things even easier but I am feeling depressed. I hope I can snap out of this soon and not lose all the good habits I have acquired over the last years. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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@Rrsfc

Sending you a big hug <3

   

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

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  • Moderator

Sorry to hear about your wobbles @Rrsfc.  Resting and stabilising sounds wise.  I remember I had trouble a long time ago trying to chase and "solve" spiritual things.  Advanced yoga like your teacher suggested needs a grounded base to work from.  As a friend of mine once said to me (back when I was an anxious mess) "How are you going to work on your higher self without having your **** together down here?"

I think I was doing has since been termed "spiritual bypass", when I really needed to ground instead, and work out my anxieties (and eventually traumas).

Please look after yourself.  What happened to you isn't a personal failing.  It's just something that you will be able to revisit when you're ready, and that may be a long way away.  For now, you could do way worse than set out a simple balanced life at 2.5mg.

I am not a health professional - your actions are your own.  

Please do not seek tapering support via private message - "Any reason to hold is a good one"

My taper visualised as a graph   |   My intro thread

Backdrop:  2003 10mg olanzapine | 2004 2-3mg risperidone | end 2014 3wks aripiprazole

2015: olanzapine  10 -> 7½ -> 6⅔ -> 5mg  by crude pill cutter

2018:  Mar 5.00mg -> water titrated taper -> Aug2.5mg tablet and hold

Jan 2019 2.50mg water titration -> Jan 2020 1.214  -> Jan 2021 0.44 -> 2 Oct 0.205 ->3 Oct ZERO🥂

Jun 2023 💉150mg paliperidone "loading" depot shot, 100mg 1wk after Jul 100mg Aug-Dec 75mg/4wks

Jul 2023 2.50mg aripiprazole/day attempt to lower prolactin^

Jan-Feb 2024 cross taper off shots to 1mg risperidone

 

Ask not what you can do for your country, but what your country did to you"  -- KMFDM

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Thank you @Ariel and @hayduke for your comments. I am feeling better, as I am going down the olanzapine dosage and resting I am feeling much better. Today went jogging and my mood lifted. I am not going to give up everything I worked for, I will conquer it all (my well being) again if I have to. 2,5mg will be easy on me, I'll get there in October, untill then I am coming down slowly. I find that this time around olanzapine is not as sedating, I can do things and be present in my life. I don't know how or why but I no longer feel so bad on the higher dosages, I tolerate them well. But that doesn't stop me from wanting to get down. I am also taking a benzo and I'm going to taper that soon, before I get too hooked on it. So things are improving and the worst seems to be over. This crisis was an awful experience but things are settling down, I feel more and more like myself each day. I almost don't have any allucinations, and if I do they are mild. My biggest challenge is finding the rest percentage I need, I must not work too much and get too tired but I have to challenge myself, not letting go of the good habits I developed these years. Life can change so suddenly, things we thought are set in stone taken away... We must show up and fight for what we want everyday, for the things that really matter, even if that means getting down and up again a lot, each time we get up we become more resilient and able to face the challenges ahead. 

2007 - 15mg olanzapine, mood stabilizer, benzo, quetiapine 2009 - aripiprazol, benzo, lamotrigine 100mg 2015 - olzp 15mg, zolpidem 2017 - trazodone 2 weeks, cold turkey, lamotrigine and zolpidem, olzp 15mg, mood stabilizer, benzo 2018 - olzp 5mg, Nov olzp 2,5mg down directly from 5mg no symptoms 2019 - olzp 2,5mg cold turkey Jan after 12 days reinstated, Nov taper cutting pills 14 days reinstated 2,5mg 2020 - failed liquid taper, reinstated 2,5mg, 2022 - liquid taper 2,5% reductions Jan, huge crisis in May up to 30mg, tapered, reached 2,5mg in Set - decided to stop tapering and remain at 2,5mg olanzapine indefinetely.

 

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Oh gosh @Rrsfc, I'm so sorry things have been rough for you but i think all your hard work will stand you in good stead for the months to come.   You have been through so much but you are strong and have kept fighting for the best for yourself, and i've no doubt that will continue.

35 minutes ago, Rrsfc said:

Life can change so suddenly, things we thought are set in stone taken away... We must show up and fight for what we want everyday, for the things that really matter, even if that means getting down and up again a lot, each time we get up we become more resilient and able to face the challenges ahead. 

This outlook says so much about your strength and i wish you nothing but the best of everything in your journey from now. But please don't leave us. Keep us updated with how you're doing x

Sertraline (Lustral):  2014. Sept 50mg. Oct 100mg. Dec 150mg. 2015-2019. 150mg. 2019  Apr-May 0mg. Beg May 150mg. End May 100mg. Late June 125mg. Late Aug 100mg. 2020 Jan 75mg. April 50mg.

2022  50mg. 1Jan 45mg. 1Feb 40.5mg. Water T24Feb 39.5mg. 3Mar 38.5mg. 18Mar 38mg. 25Mar 37.5mg. 22Apr 37mg. 5May 36.5mg. 18May 36mg. 1Jun 35.3mg. 15Jun 34.5mg.  30Jun 34mg. 15Jul 33.5mg. 22Jul 33mg. 5Aug 32.5mg. 19Aug 32mg. 1Sept 31.5mg. 1Oct 31mg.  27 Oct 30.5. 16 Nov 30mg. 30 Nov 29.5mg. 14 Dec 29mg

2023. 2 Jan 28.5mg. 6 Feb 28mg. 10 Mar 27.5mg. 1 Apr 26.5mg. 1 May 26mg. 1 Jun 25.5mg. 1 Jul 25mg. 1 Aug 24.5mg. 17 Aug 24mg. 5 Sept 23.5mg. 9 Oct 23mg.

 

Desogestrel:  2014 -  present:  

Supplements Magnesium. 400mcg  Vitamin D. 10mcg.  Multivit/min. 1 tab. B Complex

 

Certirizine:   2022 May 10mg. Dec 20mg. 2023. 15mg.

 Omeprazole.:  2016 20mg. 2022  20mg.  15Jan 15mg. 9Feb 10mg. 25Feb 6.5mg. 15Mar 3mg. 3Apr 1.5mg.  15Apr 0mg   2023. 20mg. 15 Sept 15mg.

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