Rrsfc: a lot of drugs later some stabilization

[Ariel]

@Rrsfc

Thinking of you <3

How are you feeling?

 

Thanks for your sweet messages in my thread. 

I loved reading your description of how you took up jogging. 

 

Sending you hugs 

[Rrsfc]

Thank you @Blossom71 for believing in my strength. It's true, I am determined to overcome this and that's what I have been doing. I've been trying to follow my routines but I have to adapt some things otherwise I get too tired. But things are going smoothly now ☺️ @Ariel thank you for stopping by, you're welcome. I like to read your thread, I believe you should become a writer. Have you heard about Hayhouse of Louise Hay? They offer a webinar I think on becoming a writer with them, if you sign up for the newsletter you'll get the invite on your mailbox. Everytime I felt blocked in my path I would find a new hobbie. Besides working on myself and reading a lot I also do things like cooking, I make my own beauty products. Hobbies that are in a way useful and bring value to my life. Learning new things is wonderful, just try it. I also was part of a gospel choire (had to quit due to performance anxiety), there are so many things you can do...

 

I have been doing really well, still on a high dosage of olanzapine, don't really know how that's possible, the drug is not affecting me that much. It has an antipsychotic effect but no sedation, no blunted emotions. I don't really know why this is happening but I am thankfull for being able to go on with my life. The other crisis I literally lost months of life because I would get in a sedated state that suck all the joy and emotions from my life. My husband is afraid this change will afect the outcome, that I can get worse again if I don't sleep as much. The only difference I notice is in tiredness. I had to adapt my workouts because they were too intense for now, I have to slow down on the walking and jogging and the yoga, now I can truly appreciate how much I was able to do, I worked my body a lot. And I used to think about upping things a bit, now it's doing less not more. The Cookie Monster has been absent (just trying to be funny about the HUGE increase in the need to eat caloric things ☺️), I ate until my stomach ached a lot but since I am at the current dosage of olanzapine things have improved and I no longer feel these urges. I was able to almost reach my usual weight and I am really happy this happened, I was afraid I would gain 15kg like last time.  So things are looking good, have been reducing the benzodiazepine because I am afraid of getting hooked, and the first night it was a bit rough but now things are normal. I am happy and relaxed, yesterday loved my yoga class, it makes me feel so good. I'm currently trying to find the right things I can do so I can take care of myself. Food and exercise are taken care of, I'm focusing more on spirituality and socialization, trying new things to see what fits best in my routins. And these are my news, everything is slowly returning into place. Like someone once told me time is able to put the difficult things in good places in our body. I hope all is well in your world when you read this, if not there is always something new you can try, everyday is a new opportunity to succeed. 

[Ariel]

@Rrsfc

Lovely to read about your constructive efforts and positive outlook. Thank you for sharing <3

[Rrsfc]

Hi everyone, feeling really happy. I am on 7,5mg olanzapine at the moment and I already quit the benzodiazepine. I took the last pill 2 days algo and it was easy. Easier than when I was reducing. I thought I would get into trouble quitting it but all went well. My next olanzapine drop will be in the end of July. Things are looking up. I can now jog and walk half the course I usually did. My weight is coming down, I only gained 5kg, but of those 5 only 2kg were over my usual weight. I don't have the awful urge to eat anymore. I continue to feel no sedation and I am already doing yoga and meditating too. I had a late period and I was worried it wouldn't come but it did and I am thankfull. It's a blessing not feeling sedated, seems this crisis is almost over. And these are my good news ☺️. Hope you all are well too, have a nice day!

[Ariel]

Hi @Rrsfc

How sweet to read you. 

Thank you for sharing your good news <3

It lifts my spirits to hear you're feeling happy. 

Sending you a hug <3

[Venkat]

Feeling happy to see the positivity in your post @Rrsfc .Keep up the good work. Best wishes with you.

[BadMedicine]

@Rrsfc. Really happy things have settled down for you and you are doing well again. Good luck with your next reduction at the end of July. BW BM

[Blossom71]

Oh @Rrsfc

I'm really happy to hear your lovely cheerful update!   I am glad things are settling for you 😘

[Rrsfc]

Thank you @Ariel, @Venkat, @BadMedicine, @Blossom71 for your encouragement. Yesterday I dropped to 5mg and I had no symptoms, I slept fine. I've been doing well, but the apetite has not been normal. Sometimes it seems normal but others it's not. I already am 4kg over my normal weight and I don't like it but I think it will get better as I drop further. Last crisis I gained 15kg, 4kg is infinetely better. Trying to go back to normal, the worst part is over I think. Hope you all have a wonderful day. 

 

 

[Ariel]

Hi @Rrsfc

 

I'm glad to hear you're doing well. 

 

I'm not a mod but I can't help but notice you've been making some major changes.

 

On 7/8/2022 at 11:05 AM, Rrsfc said:

Hi everyone, feeling really happy. I am on 7,5mg olanzapine at the moment and I already quit the benzodiazepine. I took the last pill 2 days algo and it was easy.

 

6 hours ago, Rrsfc said:

Yesterday I dropped to 5mg and I had no symptoms, I slept fine.

 

When did you last increase olanzapine to 7,5 mg? (There is a post from you June 10th about updosing from 2,5 mg.)

On July 6th you quit the benzo. 

On July 25th you made a cut from 7,5 mg olanzapine to 5 mg (a 33% drop). 

 

I suggest you update your drug signature to reflect these recent changes, and any other changes you may have made since your last drug signature entry. 

 

May I ask, why are you making such a large olanzapine reduction?

 

To be frank I'm feeling a bit alarmed at these numerous big changes in a relatively short period of time. 

I'm neither a mod nor an expert, just a peer who wishes you well and wants to see you succeed.

Given the eventful past several months it seems to me it might be wise to take a more conservative approach moving forward, for example tapering at a slower rate, smaller drops, longer holds. 

 

What are your thoughts?

Would you consider consulting with a moderator on this (if you haven't already)?

 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

 

 

 

[Rrsfc]

@Ariel

 

I didn't update my drug signature because I'm almost gone from this site since I won't be tapering to 0. I am going to drop untill 2,5mg and stay there indefinetely since I can't go down from that without having very serious psychotic symptoms. This should be one of my last posts. When I leave I'll update, I no longer need supervision, I'm just connecting with all of you and slowly saying goodbye. My rate of going down the drug is as advised by my doctor and it's not the first time I do this. I updosed to a huge dosage of olanzapine (much bigger than 7,5mg, I don't want to disclose how much) on may 14th, I had and awfully serious crisis that needed medical attention. It was not my first time, I knew what to do and I did it. Thank you for your concern, but things are going well at the moment. I have no symptoms whatsoever from my drops, only when I start coming down from 2,5mg olanzapine I have symptoms. The benzo was easy, I was a bit worried but it went very well. I was going to leave the site before but someone suggested I should stay until I reach 2,5mg. Not everyone is so sensitive to the drugs that each minor drop brings a cascade of withdrawals, we must know ourselves. Maybe I should not be so forthcoming about my treatment but I am a forthcoming person, hope you forgive me for that. Don't worry about me I should be fine and back at my usual dosage soon, the worst is over. I understand and thank your concern though. I am not saying people should do what I did, my treatment is individual to my own specific needs and tolerance to this drug. If I had any withdrawal I would be forced to go down slower. Untill this moment everything is going fine, let's see if it all turns out well like previous treatments. Hope I have cleared the air everything is well with you ☺️

[Ariel]

@Rrsfc

Thank you for taking the time to connect and share your process. It's very helpful. 

It was not my intention to put you on the spot. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable. 

I greatly appreciate your honesty. I'm glad you are forthcoming. Your generous contributions are to everyone's benefit.   

I respect your body, your life, your choices. I'm sorry if my concern made you feel judged or misunderstood.

Thank you for your patience. I'm happy for you that things are going well. I wish you all the best moving forward. 

In solidarity and support,

A. 

[Rrsfc]

@Ariel

☺️ No worries, I understand and thank your concern.

[Rrsfc]

Hello everyone, I have the best news possible. Two days ago I dropped my dosage to my maintenance 2,5mg, and everything is going well. Didn't have any withdrawal and I am relieved, I was a little afraid things got bumpy in the end. So this means no more up and down for me, I am indefinetely in this dosage. My journey here in SA is coming to any end. It was a privilege to know all of you and to share my journey. I'll probably won't be updating my thread since there's nothing to update I hope ☺️, but I'll keep supporting your tapers at least for now. I am not sad anymore not being able to get to 0, that's not that important. More important is being able to live a good normal life and I have that most days. My crisis are dangerous to me and to the people around me, so I'll do my best to be stable. I hope each and every one of you can be successful on your tapers and achieving your life goals. Namastê.

[Venkat]

Congratulations @Rrsfc. To me it seems like you have come out of the tunnel. 2.5  is as good as being at 0 in your case. Hope you sleep well and live a healthy, happy and a peaceful life from here onwards. Take care , best wishes. 

[BadMedicine]

That’s brilliant news @Rrsfc. I hope you have a very happy and healthy life. It’s been a pleasure interacting with you and I wish you all the best for your life from here onwards. BM.

[hayduke]

Be well, @Rrsfc.  You never know what the future holds, I hope you find some more open doors down the road.

[Rrsfc]

Thank you @Venkat, @BadMedicine and @hayduke for you support. Things are still going well, no surprises so far. Looking forward to reading your updates. How are your tapers going? If you want to chat I'll be here for you ☺️. Hope you all are having a nice day. 

[Venkat]

Hi Rrsfc, thanks for the concern. Doing ok with tapering. Hope you are enjoying your life. Happy for you. Take care. 

[Rrsfc]

Just stopping by to wish everyone a brilliant new year! 🥳🎉 Things are going well, still at 2,5mg olanzapine. I have some symptoms but I am learning to live with them. When they started I was really afraid I would have another crisis but they have not escalated so far and I am beyond grateful for that. Let's see what the new year brings. I am really hopeful this will be an amazing year, since last year although I achieved a lot of goals I spent a lot of time sick or recovering. Out health is our greatest wealth but we only understand its value when it's gone 😂. Best wishes to all of you in this new year, but I wish you especially good health! 

[BadMedicine]

Happy New Year @Rrsfc. Glad things are going well for you. Wishing you a great, happy and most importantly healthy 2023. As you quite  rightly say we don’t realise what we’ve got till we lose it but having experienced that allows us to fully appreciate the good times. And that is what we need to focus on and not what we have lost over the years. Hope you have a really good year. 
BM

[hayduke]

Breggin may be controversial, but he did end lobotomies in the U.S.  I learnt a lot from his works along the way, sorting wheat from chaff as always is left to the reader.

I did like how he reframed "antipsychotics" by pointing out they are no such thing.  I like his term "Major tranquilisers" better.  I never found the drugs I was given quelled any problem symptoms, just numbed and slowed me.  (Therapy resolved them, though).

 

If a small amount is enough to keep your unresolved stuff in check, that's better than a large amount, right?  I am pleased you have been able to maintain this.  I did not coin the expression that healing happens on its own timeline, not at our choosing.

Cheers

[Rrsfc]

Hi @BadMedicine thank you for your good wishes, nice to hear from you! @hayduke, nice to hear from you too. Yes, healing is a process. I thought there was nothing left to heal in my life at one point, now I am finding new things to change everyday. And small things turn into big ones. Antipsychotics do work sometimes for those of us who are psychotic, I am fortunate they worked for me. But they are overperscribed and have a lot of side effects no doubt about that. It's a lesser evil, when you think of the alternative, being completely out of control, probably institutionalized for life. Yes, I will maintain my low dose, I believe it is enough to keep me out of trouble. But let's see what this year brings. Lately I've been excited about starting my vegetable garden and applying some ayurveda príncipes in my life. I found a wonderful yoga teacher last year and that brought me a lot of happiness. I am grateful for everything in my life, small things make me really happy ☺️, and I will not give up trying to get better and better. I had some health appointments and my thyroid is doing great, I was suspicious something was wrong. Maybe I just need to push some toxins out of the system. The plant based diet and the ayurveda make an interesting intersection to study and apply. So much to learn!

[Venkat]

Hi @Rrsfc nice to see you doing so well and leading a happy life 😊

 

My brother and sister in law had come home last week. Made peace with them and also introduced her to IIPDW. She is now  specialising in EMDR.

 

Alto too is on the panel for the feburary IIPDW conference. 

 

May you happiness increase and spread to others as well.

 

🙏

 

 

[Rrsfc]

Hi @Venkat, thank you for stopping by. So glad to know you made peace with your family. Thank you for your thoughtful wishes, I wish you well too!

[Rrsfc]

Hello everyone, I need to ask for opinions and insights on what I'm going through right now. I was at 2,5mg olanzapine after recovering from my crisis last year, but the recovery was not in full. I still heard voices, nothing too disturbing, manageable but it was there. Never this has happened before, I was always without symptoms between crisis. In February the symptoms got worse and I upped my dosage to 5mg to see if they went away. It got better but they still haven't gone away completely. So, I am thinking of giving it another month and a half and if the symptoms don't disappear I go down to 2,5mg again anyway. I am afraid of being more than a few months on a higher dose, afraid of becoming dependent on that dose as I am on the 2,5mg dosage. A friend cautioned me not to go down, I can have a crisis. But if things get bad I can always go up again. I'm learning new ways to cope with my experiences, I want to take the least medication possible. But I don't want to go through another crisis. I suspect the symptoms will never fully go away. 95% of them are harmless, they help me think things through, it's like an inner voice. It's even benign. But each time I look in a mirror being called names it's not fun. It was what got me so upset I decided to up my meds. These last years my life changed a lot, I am a lot more active in all aspects of my life. Could it be I am trying to do too much and I'm tired, so the voices won't go away because of that? When I think I understand things and I know what to do everything changes and I have to learn everything again... Maybe your thoughts on this issue can help me think things through on what I should do. My psychiatrist probably will say I should go even upper but I don't want to do that unless I am completely out of control. It's a balance, always weighing things and making decisions that hopefully are the better in the long run. Thank you for your help!

[Venkat]

Hi @Rrsfc from what I understand, you are stable now at 5mg but still hearing voices which are harmless most of the time. Since you are practicing mindfulness, is it possible to be mindful towards the voices and thoughts. Because when I am mindful of my thoughts they usually slow down and reduce and i don't get affected by them much. Just sharing my thoughts. Sincerely hoping that you will find solution soon. 

🙏

[BadMedicine]

Hi @Rrsfc. So sorry to hear you are having problems. These illnesses are so hard to deal with. I don’t really know what to advise, except to say I know whenever I have had a flare up of symptoms it has always been when I have been really busy and got tired and run down. Is there anyway you can slow things down for a bit? Drop one or two things. See if it makes a difference to your symptoms. Might only need to be for a while to get things under control and then you can re-introduce stuff again. 
My voices when I have them say horrible things to me as well so I understand you’re upset around them. I have heard that you can develop a relationship with your voices and by doing so change the rhetoric. I think this is the idea behind the hearing voices network. Might be worth looking into some techniques to do this. If they were nicer would make them easier to live with.

otherwise I think Venkats suggestion is also a good idea.

Perhaps it might be wise to try a few things before you make a decision about your medication. I know you are very vigilant and pro-active about managing your illness so I’m sure what you do will be well considered anyway.

Hope that helps. Sorry I can’t offer more insight.

BM

[Rrsfc]

Hello @Venkatand @BadMedicine thank you for stopping by. The mindfulness helps I think, I try not to skip my meditation practices and to mindful during the day. I am waiting for an appointment with a psychologist in the UK specialized in voices so I can try some techniques, on my own I don't think I can go any further. I am trying to rest more, since this can contribute to having more symptoms. The issue is I am afraid of having a crisis, it didn't even cross my mind to manage my symptoms without medication because a. I'm used to taking the pill and things go away b. Everytime the symptoms get worse I have a crisis. Taking 5mg is a preventive measure so I won't have to take more down the road. But I really would like not to have to rely on medication, I think I am rrady to work on that goal. Thank you both for your insights and support, being able to share with you makes things a little better. ❤️

[Rrsfc]

Hi everyone, I just wanted to make a little update to my journey. I started my sessions with the specialized therapist and this process has helped me to unburden myself, all the psychotic crisis left me feeling heavy with things I never shared with anyone. I was able to share a lot with him and I am really grateful. 

 

I keep on exercising, eating a healthy plant based diet,taking my meds, meditating. But 14 days ago I started doing the hypernourishment protocol from Dr. Brooke Goldner (goodbyelupus.com) and after some time detoxing (fatigue, tinglings, and weird little things all over the body, especially the brain) I now feel better. I don't want to get into many details yet because it's too early to make a true assessment and I don't want to be someone to mislead people. For now I just wanted to share that I'm doing this and for me for now it's being life changing. I'm contemplating doing the protocol for a full year and then trying to come off my medications again. The changes I've been feeling are encouraging me to consider something I thought was set in stone (coming off meds), I begin to have hope again. The purpose of this post is to let you know this protocol exists, it's not taylored to mental health issues but after hearing Dr. Goldner for hours (all online for free) I feel confident I am improving my life. I wanted to give you the opportunity to explore this idea if you feel up to it. If you're curious just look her up. For me I'll continue my little experiment, I am so grateful for everything I was able to learn and experience in my life, it's been a real ride 😂. There's no happiness without suffering, they're interconnected and I see that now. I've released all my negative emotions about what I've suffered, now it just seems a necessary step for me to become who I am today. I wish you well on your journeys, may you all find stabilization, peace and gratitude. 🙏

[Rrsfc]

I was just reading my previous post, at the time I was having symptoms but they disappeared on their own on 5mg olanzapine after a while, then I waited a bit, came down again and have been taking 2,5mg olanzapine since then, no new crisis. It's been a good year, filled with good experiences. I took on belly dancing classes 😂😂, just trying to have some fun and fill my life with experiences. I didn't get into details about my psychology sessions, but it's very different having sessions with a regular psychologist and a mindfulness based experienced hearing voices therapist, I really recommend that. I found him through the hearing voices movement in which I volunteer, then I sought him out on the internet and was able to make a connection. So sometimes we have to be proactive and go for the things we need and want...

[hayduke]

That all sounds really good @Rrsfc.  Nice to hear from you!

Great you've found a suitable therapist, it makes all the diff.  Just be aware many psychologists might not pay enough attention to the tapering side of the equation, I hope my next support is more holistic that way.

 

Cheers

Hayduke

[Venkat]

Very happy for you @Rrsfc. You seem to be seeing the world beyond tapering and finding happiness, moving ahead.

 

It looks like a good therapist seems to be making a big difference in our lives. You have been fortunate to find one. Keep it up.

 

You are in my thoughts and prayers. Please take care Rrsfc.

 

🙏

 

 

[BadMedicine]

Hi @Rrsfc.

 

Great to hear from you and to hear you are doing so well.

 

Sounds like you have found a really good combination of dietary changes and therapy that is supporting your mental health. I am particularly interested in how the dr Golden diet goes for you. I have never heard of it before but have looked it up now. I don’t think I could do the elimination but but am interested in adding more nutrients to my diet - particularly greens as they are a bit lacking in my current diet. I truly believe that nutrition is capable of healing us all - we just have to find what works for us. I have changed my diet too for the better. I used to do a lot of sport - took it to extremes at one point which is when I first got ill. I know I wasn’t getting enough protein at that time. I still do quite a lot of exercise and so have recently started to make sure I get 100g a day. I have definitely noticed an improvement in my sleep which has been intermittently poor for the last year and seem to be feeling quite good again after making myself ill around April/May time. Of course I have also increased the olanzapine to 3.125mg and gone part/ time at work so it is difficult to completely attribute it to the dietary changes. However the dietary changes started a couple of months after increasing the olanzapine dose and about a month after that I stated seeing the improvements so I ‘m pretty convinced it played a role in the improvements. I wonder if I’ve been deficient ever since the first episode tbh.
 

hope the new diet continues to work for you and that you are eventually able to come off the meds. 
 

Take care,

BM

[Rrsfc]

Hi @Venkat and @hayduke, thank you for your best wishes and encouraging words. I believe I found the right therapist for me, I believe he will support a taper. But I am going to wait at least a year and I will only try it if I feel I am better than I was before starting the diet protocol. @BadMedicine thank you for your encouragement. I'm glad you are kind of stabilized even though you had to go up on your olanzapine. About protein Dr. Goldner works with her husband Thomas Tadlock and they address the protein issue many times in their videos and Facebook group. It's all online, if you want to really get into this protocol you have a lot of free content to explore. In nutritional science and advice there is so much out there, everyone hss a different take on things. I'm currently happy with my answers, I hope you find yours. As far as how I am doing, there's a detox phase and I seem to be in it, I have some kind of manageable symptoms, the same ones I have been collecting all these years but they're kind of muted. So sometimes I feel greater than I ever felt, other times I feel worried if my symptoms will escalate into a crisis. I chose to do this and I will do it, I'll post my results in a year. We can't have lab results confirming our improvement so I'll wait at least a year before making my final decision about the protocol. I eat a smoothie for breakfast, a salad for lunch, a smoothie in the middle of the afternoon and a cooked meal in the evening. It's not the most aggressive form, but I believe it will be enough to help me and as a starter. If I feel the need I can adjust things. I find it is simple and enjoyable to eat this way, I'm on day 16 and I've grown used to it. If it wasn't detox I think I would feel great, I even got high on the first day 😂. Not kidding, really, the first day I had this amazing feeling of bliss, but soon came the detox symptoms to end my fun. Whatever the results, it's powerful, I'll give it that. I never had anything other than drugs that affected me this way. But it is different from drugs, greens give me a clean pure energy, I feel more vibrante, more energized. To be honest I don't contemplate going back to what I ate at the moment, just the clean energy I get is enough for me to eat this way. And it's the rawness, because I started eating my usual collards just raw not cooked and I noticed a huge difference like I said. I felt the need to share this protocol with the community because I saw potencial in it, hope it's useful to someone else. If it's not your cup of tea just don't drink it 😂. But for me it was life changing and I am very grateful to have the opportunity to use it and for free. I'll gladly explore everything it hás to offer. I wish you all health and abundance.