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Icip

Icip: Has anyone with these symptoms had them improve, or completely go away?

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Teppo125

@Icip

I’m also near 10 month mark. Last month was good month. A day long windows with minimal symptoms. Last few days have been almost unbearable. This must be the 10 month wave. Sleep has been pretty good also last month.
Even the evenings are now not helpful like they was for months for me. When this wave fades I have to be a better condition. 

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KenA

@Teppo125

What you describe is exactly what I'm going through as well, the first 2 weeks of month 10 have been insane!! Like you said, even the evenings have not been providing relief from the all day long symptoms! My sleep has been getting better and better as well. I think it may have to do with the fact that we are getting more sleep now so our brain and body is using the extra rest to get some powerful healing done!! I will say though, I'm starting the 3rd week of month 10 and the symptoms seem to be finally letting up a bit. I woke up yesterday and felt really really good for most of the day. And today I'm feeling really good so far as well. Of course this truly is a roller coaster of non-linear healing so I'm always prepared for the next wave, but it has been a nice couple of days. Stay strong!! We've got this!

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VincentV
On ‎7‎/‎1‎/‎2020 at 6:57 PM, Icip said:

HPPD/Visual Snow Syndrome

 

I don't know if this helps by my stepdad was on venlafaxine for many years and quit quite quickly. He developed visual snow which lasted for a couple of years before going away completely. This was about 5 years ago.

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Icip

@VincentV,

 

That brings me a lot of peace, thank you Vincent. I've heard from one or two holistic coaches that their patients who have it, all recover. I guess i'm plagued by the feeling of being 'me', and a different case to other people. I hope he's okay now, and yourself!

 

Icip.

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Icip

Hi @Sunnyday,

 

Not a mountain of text at all, I use that phrase more often than not!

 

I've regained that feeling over the past three weeks or so - anxiety around COVID has skyrocketed, i couldn't care less about myself before. I don't necessarily want to die now.

How has your anxiety been since you last posted on here? It can change in a heartbeat, annoyingly so.

 

For me, my head feels a little weak, like my thoughts aren't as 'strong' as they used to be. I could verywell just be glorifying what i was like in the past; i jsut know that i was a lot more hyper, connected, and inward-facing mentally that i am now. I still love being by myself, occupying myself - i guess i just find it a little more hard to ruminate, and 'ponder'. It's like those five pills of sertraline have disconnected something, or taken something away from me.

I can only pray for this to get better. I weirdly enough want my full anxiety back, i want my emotional erraticness back, i still feel a little plain. Sorry for getting sombre.

 

I can go out for walks + talk to myself in my head - though i almost instantly forget what i've been talking about; i think i'm the same as you in that department. Has it gotten much better?

 

Icip.

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Icip

UPDATE:   

 

Complications -

 

I've been having Ectopic Beats; they're terrifying,

 

For the past week, I've had a worsening sour taste in my mouth. It's not GERD, as brushing/food does not rid of it; all of my food tastes sour. Including Ben & Jerry's 😓,

 

Lose track of thoughts rather easily, + cognition still not fantastic,

 

Floaters became far worse after being exposed to a lot of weed smoke whilst moving (i live in a studenty area, as I'm a student). I tried/try to avoid it as much as possible,

 

Static in low-light, light sensitivity, afterimages, and double-vision, all still persist - as ever - they might have improved, my double vision certainly went away for a while/became far less noticeable,

 

ME, and little to no motivaton to do anything.

 

Improvements -

 

Hearing is as it was; i can 'feel' music once again, maybe not quite as much as before, but what do i expect with obvious low-dopamine,

 

Heartbeat is back to 'normal'. Standard Sinus Rhythm - this happened a few days ago, i noticed it's beats felt normal again, used my Apple Watch's ECG; and it read normal,

 

Floaters have resolved, i don't see any, compared to the four or five that had popped up a month ago,

 

I generally feel human again, i feel alive, present, and don't want to die at all,

 

I'm wanting to talk to friends outside of my initial inner-circle again,

 

I get the childlike 'highs' that i used to get - bursts of energy where i feel like i can do anything; which mostly consists of bad photoshop edits of my friends, a very very very long 3am walk, or editing photos off of my camera, Minor i know, but i used to rely on these 'bursts' to get work done, and i've done some of my best work during them,

 

My friend the other week told me that i seemed a lot more 'alert', compared to around January when i last saw him. This made me quite happy,

 

I went for a run yesterday - i could only manage a maybe 30 minute run, then the rest of was spent intermittently runnign with long periods of walking. I didn't feel worse, i didn't feel overstimulated - I was just out of breath as my stamina has been reduced to that of a, well, quite ill person.

 

 

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I still hate going outside, which i attribute to my vision changes; it jsut scares me to look at + i find uncomfortable. I need to find my sunglasses, or buy some new.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I hope everyone who has posted on my thread is well, especially right now going through what we're all going through, I'm praying for all of you,

 

Icip.

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Icip

I’m fully aware that I don’t ever necessarily address the ‘emotional’ side of my healing. Sometimes a list of what symptoms I still have, can’t quite convey the process, and feeling of that I’m experiencing; so I wanted to share.

 

When I was at my worst, in mid February, I felt empty, plastic, dead, constantly switched on, broken, dumb, and irreparable - my vision was completely grey when outside, everything looked alien, I felt trapped in a bubble, and found no pleasure, joy, or release from any attempt of escape.

 

Fast forward to now, going outside is still my least favourite thing to do (COVID-19 certainly adds to this), my vision still feels ‘raw’ and sensitive, patterns hurt my eyes, and any source of light still scolds my brain - though I feel a little more comfortable in my shoes, I have more control, and I don’t feel attacked from everything; even myself.

 

I can get home with a pastry from my local café, sit on my phone, and eat it whilst not really thinking about much - other than the hard feeling of the sofa against my back, as my muscles relax and are our at ease.

I no longer use my phone to suck my attention away to hopefully lose a few hours of dread, I now can give it my attention - that goes for anything, be it cooking (still struggle with finding motivation to cook/plan), or the limited amount of work I’ve had a go at.

 

I guess I feel more like me. It’s all well and good trying to describe how it feels to feel good, I think the only good way I can describe It, is to say that I feel more just like, me. How I remembered myself being before my adverse reaction.

 

I’m still not there yet, I think I’m a long way away from being ‘ok’, but I want to be alive, I want to do things with my life, I want to get better, and I’m at peace with myself, and my situation (I think).

 

Thank you all to whom read my thread, to the entire site, staff, and people who have helped me so far into this. I don’t mean this to sound like a ‘I’m all well and healed now’, as I said, I’m not at all. But I’ve been told that this is a cornerstone, as much as I’m pessimistic about everything, so I wanted to share despite me not wanting to jinx myself, as the purpose of this thread was yes to help me through this, but also to help others who need to see this stuff when desperate.

 

Icip.

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mstimc

Hi Icip 

 

This is a great post!  Sometimes it can really help to look back and see the progress we've made instead of worrying about what may lie ahead. Healing may be slow and unpredictable,  but it does happen.  It's so great you can appreciate the things you've accomplished.  Keep moving forward!

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