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RM123: In need of help

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Katy398

Hi @RM123

Hang on in there. How long have you had this particular bout of insomnia. I had a bout of insomnia recently and thought It would go on forever  but it gradually subsided. If you can try to be really gentle with yourself. Rest as much as possible. The eye mask and black out blind did help a little but to be honest I didn’t find any remedies. I just tried to practice acceptance and tried to be confident that it would pass. 

You will get through this,  you will. 

I’m wondering if you have to go to work if you can take some time off. I remember trying to get through work was the most challenging. I rested as much as I could. 

Take care R, thinking of you,

We all Heal Eventually x

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RM123
On 1/17/2020 at 8:39 AM, Katy398 said:

Hi @RM123

Hang on in there. How long have you had this particular bout of insomnia. I had a bout of insomnia recently and thought It would go on forever  but it gradually subsided. If you can try to be really gentle with yourself. Rest as much as possible. The eye mask and black out blind did help a little but to be honest I didn’t find any remedies. I just tried to practice acceptance and tried to be confident that it would pass. 

You will get through this,  you will. 

I’m wondering if you have to go to work if you can take some time off. I remember trying to get through work was the most challenging. I rested as much as I could. 

Take care R, thinking of you,

We all Heal Eventually x

Thanks for your message @Katy398 it’s been about 3 months now and I look like I mess. Someone even pointed out my eyes bags today because the last time they saw me I was before this all happened. It makes me so upset. The lack of sleep is ruining me. Yes I have to work everyday. Slept 2hrs last night and I’m so fed up. I can’t take time off. How do you rest? I can’t I’m so busy I don’t have time. How long did you have insomnia for.  I feel like it will never end 

 

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RM123

i can’t cope with this anymore. Months and months of barely any sleep. It’s takings it’s toll on me physically and mentally. My face looks like ****. My eyes are always completely blood shot, burning and red, my eye bags are even worse. I fukin want out. I’m exhausted, I can’t think. I’m done with this misery 

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pinciukas
1 hour ago, RM123 said:

i can’t cope with this anymore. Months and months of barely any sleep. It’s takings it’s toll on me physically and mentally. My face looks like ****. My eyes are always completely blood shot, burning and red, my eye bags are even worse. I fukin want out. I’m exhausted, I can’t think. I’m done with this misery 

If you can't cope anymore please found some specialist you need to do something. 

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mstimc
1 hour ago, RM123 said:

i can’t cope with this anymore. Months and months of barely any sleep. It’s takings it’s toll on me physically and mentally. My face looks like ****. My eyes are always completely blood shot, burning and red, my eye bags are even worse. I fukin want out. I’m exhausted, I can’t think. I’m done with this misery 

 

I agree with Pinciukus--if you feel yourself spiraling down, get help now.  Take care of the acute issues and worry about the future later!

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RM123

I just don’t know what to do anymore. No one can help me. What’s anyone gonna do. They can’t fix my insomnia.

 

my eyes have only just started burning now and are more red. I’m scared of blood vessels popping in my eye **** this **** 

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mstimc
5 minutes ago, RM123 said:

I just don’t know what to do anymore. No one can help me. What’s anyone gonna do. They can’t fix my insomnia.

 

my eyes have only just started burning now and are more red. I’m scared of blood vessels popping in my eye **** this **** 

 

If you feel you can't take it, go to the ER.  If all else fails, they can give you something to help you sleep and keep and eye on you to make sure you get some rest.  

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pinciukas
9 minutes ago, RM123 said:

I just don’t know what to do anymore. No one can help me. What’s anyone gonna do. They can’t fix my insomnia.

 

my eyes have only just started burning now and are more red. I’m scared of blood vessels popping in my eye **** this **** 

First of all please calm down. Second do you have GP or psychiatrist? Can you schedule appointment? If not go to ER at least they can give you something and you can sleep at least one night.

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RM123

I’m advised not to take any other meds on here. I’m destabilised. Coming off these meds have ***** my life. Nothing will help this 

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mstimc
12 minutes ago, RM123 said:

I just don’t know what to do anymore. No one can help me. What’s anyone gonna do. They can’t fix my insomnia.

 

my eyes have only just started burning now and are more red. I’m scared of blood vessels popping in my eye **** this **** 

 

1 minute ago, pinciukas said:

First of all please calm down. Second do you have GP or psychiatrist? Can you schedule appointment? If not go to ER at least they can give you something and you can sleep at least one night.

 

Just now, RM123 said:

I’m advised not to take any other meds on here. I’m destabilised. Coming off these meds have ***** my life. Nothing will help this 

 

The lack of sleep is keeping you from thnking clearly and from keeping perspective.  As Piniciukas said, you need to see your doctor or go to the ER to do what's needed so you can rest.

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RM123
1 minute ago, pinciukas said:

First of all please calm down. Second do you have GP or psychiatrist? Can you schedule appointment? If not go to ER at least they can give you something and you can sleep at least one night.

Calm? I’m sorry but that’s the last thing I can think of feeling right now. GP yes but all they want to do is put me on more meds. Pretty much told me there nothing they can do otherwise. 

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pinciukas
3 minutes ago, RM123 said:

I’m advised not to take any other meds on here. I’m destabilised. Coming off these meds have ***** my life. Nothing will help this 

This is advice and not mandatory. You can choose what to do with your life. If you feel very bad and can't cope anymore you need to do something. I had similar situation and almost commit suicide. 

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RM123
Just now, mstimc said:

 

 

 

The lack of sleep is keeping you from thnking clearly and from keeping perspective.  As Piniciukas said, you need to see your doctor or go to the ER to do what's needed so you can rest.

Yes it is and it literally ruining me. I go to the ER and wait for 6hrs for what? A sleeping pill that will cause me rebound insomnia the next night? I might as well take them 3 days in a row in hopes that they will rest my clock but I highly doubt that. 
 

FORGIVE ME ALL. In a bad place tonight 

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RM123
1 minute ago, pinciukas said:

This is advice and not mandatory. You can choose what to do with your life. If you feel very bad and can't cope anymore you need to do something. I had similar situation and almost commit suicide. 

I’m sorry to hear. And what did you do about it? I have thoughts of it and to end the suffering. But only thoughts.

 

i don’t know what anyone can do for me. It will all be short term 

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RM123

I have sterling sleeping pills here that I haven’t touched since the insomnia started 4 months ago now because I’m worried baking rebound 

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mstimc
1 minute ago, RM123 said:

Yes it is and it literally ruining me. I go to the ER and wait for 6hrs for what? A sleeping pill that will cause me rebound insomnia the next night? I might as well take them 3 days in a row in hopes that they will rest my clock but I highly doubt that. 
 

FORGIVE ME ALL. In a bad place tonight 

 

RM, we know its the lack of sleep and WD talking and not the "real" you.  Hang onto that--that no matter what, the real you wants to a happy, normal life, and you deserve it.  You're in a downward spiral of negative thinking--you want to sleep but don't know how, and sleep is the only thing that'll relieve your physical symptoms, and those symptoms only get worse because you can't rest, so your thoughts get darker and darker.  Give yourself a chance to stop the spiral and get the rest you need so you can working on recovery.

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pinciukas
3 minutes ago, RM123 said:

I’m sorry to hear. And what did you do about it? I have thoughts of it and to end the suffering. But only thoughts.

 

i don’t know what anyone can do for me. It will all be short term 

I am on different medication but I had panic attacks and anxiety with agoraphobia 24/7 + insomnia. I reinstate low dose. But I am on different medication. 

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RM123
2 minutes ago, mstimc said:

 

RM, we know its the lack of sleep and WD talking and not the "real" you.  Hang onto that--that no matter what, the real you wants to a happy, normal life, and you deserve it.  You're in a downward spiral of negative thinking--you want to sleep but don't know how, and sleep is the only thing that'll relieve your physical symptoms, and those symptoms only get worse because you can't rest, so your thoughts get darker and darker.  Give yourself a chance to stop the spiral and get the rest you need so you can working on recovery.

Thank you but this has affected things i needed to do and I may not succeed in them now. That’s my hopes and dreams crushed and then have worked so hard and got nothing out of it. Still left with insomnia. 

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mstimc
Just now, RM123 said:

Thank you but this has affected things i needed to do and I may not succeed in them now. That’s my hopes and dreams crushed and then have worked so hard and got nothing out of it. Still left with insomnia. 

 

There are a million moments I wish I could get back from my time in WD and anxiety, but I can't.  And it doesn't matter--its what I do today and moving forward that's important.  And those are the things I can do something about.  Right now, for you, what's important is pulling back from the edge and getting some clarity. 

 

 

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RM123
8 minutes ago, pinciukas said:

I am on different medication but I had panic attacks and anxiety with agoraphobia 24/7 + insomnia. I reinstate low dose. But I am on different medication. 

Did it help you? I don’t want to go back on meds. They are not gonna work and not gonna get my sleep back 

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pinciukas
3 minutes ago, RM123 said:

Did it help you? I don’t want to go back on meds. They are not gonna work and not gonna get my sleep back 

For me yes. But like I told you was on different meds so I can't comment what is the right move for you because I have never used medication you are tappering from. 

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RM123
1 minute ago, mstimc said:

 

There are a million moments I wish I could get back from my time in WD and anxiety, but I can't.  And it doesn't matter--its what I do today and moving forward that's important.  And those are the things I can do something about.  Right now, for you, what's important is pulling back from the edge and getting some clarity. 

 

 

I wish I never came off. If only I knew. Now I feel like I suffer for years to come. Looking at myself in the mirror is a reminder everyday of what this has done to me on top of everything else. 
 

ive aged 20years and thats hard for me to cope with. I look like ****. I feel like ****. I don’t see any positive right now 

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RM123

Do I take sleeping pills tonight. Temezepam 

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mstimc
15 minutes ago, RM123 said:

Do I take sleeping pills tonight. Temezepam 

 

I think you're the only one who can answer that question.  Drug interactions and side effects aren't my area of expertise.  I guess the more important question is, if you do manage to get the rest you need, how can you make that work for you to get to a better place mentally and start moving forward?

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Katy398

@RM123

I have not read all your post but I will say when I was in the worst of insomnia I was manic, in absolute despair. You sound very much as I was. I couldn’t work.  I stayed in bed 24/7 and made my room a sanctuary with lavender oil on my pillow. I had sleeptime meditations going all night and Netflix all day. I think that I dosed a little on and off throughout day and night. It helped to get the odd 5 minutes here and there. That was over a month ago and I have to say slowly those 5 mins got longer until now I’ve started sleeping again. Where you are now is terrifying and the  of lack of sleep makes it all the more so.I thought it would never end.  I did try herbals and nytol they only helped for the odd night but that was enough to get me through the next day. As soon as they stoped working I stopped taking them. I never took anything for more than 3 nights. I felt like I was  going mad, you sound exactly as  I felt Meditation and lavender may sound so trite to you in this state but it slowed everything down for me, it really did. I got to the stage where I didn’t expect to sleep but just wanted to find something to relax me through the night. When I got to that stage I think I started dosing off more. Now my insomnia has passed for the time being. 

Look I don’t know if this helps I just thought I’d share it.

This is an absolute **** Try to only focus on the here and now. At this moment I’m hoping this journey will make me so much stronger than I ever was and therefore the future may hold better prospects for me not worse. This is my now It will change later today but it may become my reality. I know this will be impossible to believe in your sleep deprived state but I was just like you a month ago. 

Hang on in there RM you will get through this. You really will. 

Take care Kx

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RM123

Thanks for your reply. It’s a very nice one. I have to work no choice. I have a lot of pressure to get the work done. I am really trying my best to relax before bed but I’m so anxious about not completing my work. 
 

when you say you are sleeping again what does that mean? How many hrs? Also are you off all your medication? How many months couldn’t you sled for?
 

I stupidly CT and reinstated after a long time as I got worried. I try to relax before bed. I listen to meditation for sleep on YouTube and meditate during the morning. 
 

I look completely wrecked and that kills me. Red eyes, massive eyes bags all that I’ve never had before. I’m still so young and now I look 20 years older. It bothers on top of feeing all of the other stuff. 
 

Thanks you again for sharing all of this. 

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RM123

What lavender do you use?

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Katy398

Hi RM123

I use lavender oil in a diffuser or on my pillow. I didn’t sleep for a couple of months I managed to go into work most days but in the worst patch I had a week off work. Weekends were spent in bed and I went to bed virtually as soon as I got home from work. It was absolute hell. It sounds like you feel as I felt. I am now sleeping about 6 hours average now. I have to say although I have to work too I am very lucky to have a family to look after me. My partner and teenage boys have been my lifeline.  Hang on in there RM123 it will get better but I know right now your lack of sleep will make it so hard for you to believe.  Take care Kx

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mstimc
6 hours ago, RM123 said:

I look completely wrecked and that kills me. Red eyes, massive eyes bags all that I’ve never had before. I’m still so young and now I look 20 years older. It bothers on top of feeing all of the other stuff.  

 

RM

 

I know your looks are concerning you, but remember this is temporary, too.  My wife recently had thyroid surgery and has a scar on her throat.  As she recovers, the scar will fade and eventually disappear.  As you recover, the bags will disappear and your appearance will improve.   You're young--whatever affect WD is having on your looks (and I'm sure its not as bad as your anxiety is telling you), you will look like fine when this is all over.

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RM123
On 1/25/2020 at 2:03 PM, mstimc said:

 

RM

 

I know your looks are concerning you, but remember this is temporary, too.  My wife recently had thyroid surgery and has a scar on her throat.  As she recovers, the scar will fade and eventually disappear.  As you recover, the bags will disappear and your appearance will improve.   You're young--whatever affect WD is having on your looks (and I'm sure its not as bad as your anxiety is telling you), you will look like fine when this is all over.

Thank you for understanding and I really hope so. Coming off these meds was the worst thing I have ever done. Sorry to hear about your wife. 
Weill I cinder myself you just over mid 30’s but I had a baby face. People have told me that I look extrememy tired as they noticed my eye bags and bloodshot eyes. Not my vessels in my eyes are so apparent. It looks horrible. 

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RM123

GUYS I REALLY NEED YOU HELP!!! IM PANICKING!!

 

I’m getting thump in my chest. 
 

I didn’t take note it of it for about a week or more. Just thought it was like some air in my chest if that make sense, like a burp. 
 

Anyways i noticed it a little bit more. So I decided to feel my pulse on my neck. Now exactly when this thump happens my heartbeat stops for a second and then beats regularly again. This happens now every now and again. Sometimes lasting for 30mins or more. 
 

I’m really worried it’s something serious because of this withdrawal. God why did I come off of my meds cold turkey :( 

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pinciukas
1 minute ago, RM123 said:

GUYS I REALLY NEED YOU HELP!!! IM PANICKING!!

 

I’m getting thump in my chest. 
 

I didn’t take note it of it for about a week or more. Just thought it was like some air in my chest if that make sense, like a burp. 
 

Anyways i noticed it a little bit more. So I decided to feel my pulse on my neck. Now exactly when this thump happens my heartbeat stops for a second and then beats regularly again. This happens now every now and again. Sometimes lasting for 30mins or more. 
 

I’m really worried it’s something serious because of this withdrawal. God why did I come off of my meds cold turkey :( 

I have those ectopic beats. Usely they are harmless with health hearth. But just go to check with cardiologist.

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nipsu

You should go see doctor asap. I had so bad insomnia that it probably destroyed my brain (not joking). I was sleeping for months with only 1-3 hours sleep and i was losing my sanity + got all the time sleep paralysis. I went to doctor too late to get help. And i am now suffering from this poor decission probably rest of my life. So please go to doctor and get something to help you. I can relate to you 100 percent. I am still suffering from insomnia and i have suffered from it 2 years. I belive that you will sleep someday without drugs normally but maybe you should think about drugs being possibility to keep your sanity. Its your decision ofc. Last thing stop thinking how insomnia affects your looks because it will drive you crazy if you think that all the time.

 

I hope you the best. 

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RM123
2 minutes ago, nipsu said:

You should go see doctor asap. I had so bad insomnia that it probably destroyed my brain (not joking). I was sleeping for months with only 1-3 hours sleep and i was losing my sanity + got all the time sleep paralysis. I went to doctor too late to get help. And i am now suffering from this poor decission probably rest of my life. So please go to doctor and get something to help you. I can relate to you 100 percent. I am still suffering from insomnia and i have suffered from it 2 years. I belive that you will sleep someday without drugs normally but maybe you should think about drugs being possibility to keep your sanity. I hope you best.

This scare me. And is hard for me to hear. I have been sleeping 1-3hrs sometime a little more for last 3 months. The Drs just want me to be on more antidepressants which is not advised here as I’m destabilised. 
 

What medications are you talking about? What you mean something will help me. What are you taking? 2 years?? 😞

 

What drugs are you talking about? 

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pinciukas
3 minutes ago, RM123 said:

This scare me. And is hard for me to hear. I have been sleeping 1-3hrs sometime a little more for last 3 months. The Drs just want me to be on more antidepressants which is not advised here as I’m destabilised. 
 

What medications are you talking about? What you mean something will help me. What are you taking? 2 years?? 😞

 

What drugs are you talking about? 

But you need to sleep how long you will last with 1-3 hours sleep? 

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RM123
2 minutes ago, pinciukas said:

But you need to sleep how long you will last with 1-3 hours sleep? 

I really don’t know but what medication will help me sleep? That won’t make me worse? 

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