RM123: in need of help

[Ripley]

Hi RM123

 

Your sleep sounds much improved from what it was! That's great news and progress and I'm pleased for you!

 

I read recently on Malbec37's thread (pg 4) that  a high dose of vitamin C before bed helped with the 'cortisol spikes' he was experiencing. Maybe you could look into that?

 

I totally understand the desire to be rid of this drug - I'm also on 7.5mg Mirt - but I think slowly and gradually is our only sensible option. You'll get there in the end!

 

Best wishes

Ripley

[mstimc]

3 hours ago, RM123 said:

Thanks for your reply. Yes morning anxiety is horrible. It stays with me sometimes throughout the whole day. Some days I might a get a few hrs break from it. 
 

I’m just anxious right now about getting and job and doing well for interview. I feel so unprepared and lost with it, it causes me anxiety. I really want to work for what I trained for. 
 

Thanks for sharing those tips with me. I will try them out myself. Like I said just really anxious about landing the job. 

Hi

 

Before I retired, I was a manager and interviewed many potential employees.   Good interviewers know many applicants are nervous and do their best to calm them.  Its never our intent to trip up an interviewee.  We want to know what a candidate can bring to the organization.  You'll do great!👌

[RM123]

On 6/12/2020 at 2:51 PM, senseless said:

 

Wow i'm so happy for you! That must make such a huge difference!

 

I know how you feel, i just want to be of seroquel too because it makes me so lethargic and lazy.

 

But we cant rush these things, that's what got us here in the first place.

 

Keep your head up

@senseless thanks for that! Means a lot. It does make a difference. Some days are not so good, like last night was highly anxious before bed and when I woke up. 
 

I really just want to drop it. I’ve gained so much weight on it 

I’m really anxious lately and I have an important meeting. Would it be ok to take a benzo for temporary relief in the day or will it affect my sleep? 

[RM123]

Hi guys I have been really anxious lately and I have an important meeting next week. Is it ok to take a benzo (valium, Xanax) or will it affect my sleep? 

[Altostrata]

We cannot predict what a single benzo dose will do to your sleep.

 

Are you drinking a lot of coffee? Any alcohol?

[RM123]

11 hours ago, Altostrata said:

We cannot predict what a single benzo dose will do to your sleep.

 

Are you drinking a lot of coffee? Any alcohol?

Thank you for your reply. No caffeinated drink or alcohol at all 

[ChessieCat]

14 hours ago, RM123 said:

I have been really anxious lately

 

Over the last few months we've had members reporting that they are experiencing unexpected and/or worse waves.  This may be due to the worldwide covid situation which has impacted us all.

 

I have found that magnesium helps with my anxiety.  I have stopped taking it on several occasions and noticed a worsening and when restarting it noticed improvement.

 

magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker

 

Learning and using relaxation and non-drug-techniques can help.

 

the-dr-claire-weekes-method-of-recovering-from-a-sensitized-nervous-system

 

Female voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicF.mp3

 

Male voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicM.mp3

 

[RM123]

8 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Over the last few months we've had members reporting that they are experiencing unexpected and/or worse waves.  This may be due to the worldwide covid situation which has impacted us all.

 

I have found that magnesium helps with my anxiety.  I have stopped taking it on several occasions and noticed a worsening and when restarting it noticed improvement.

 

magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker

 

Learning and using relaxation and non-drug-techniques can help.

 

the-dr-claire-weekes-method-of-recovering-from-a-sensitized-nervous-system

 

Female voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicF.mp3

 

Male voice:  https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/music/FirstAidPanicM.mp3

 

Thanks you for this @ChessieCat.

 

I definitely know what my anxiety is about. It has to do a lot with getting a job, so anxious about interviews I keep screwing them up. Which then makes me more anxious. 
 

Every morning I wake up with anxiety and last throughout the day. It’s so tiring an debilitating, I hate feeling like this. I should of never reinstated mirtzapine since I already came of it. No I have to come off it again. It’s made me gain so much weight something I’m also upset about. 
 

I’m taking magnesium started out at 200mg a day and now I’m at 500mg. It helps I think with anxiety and sleep. 
 

Thanks for the kinks as well 

[mstimc]

33 minutes ago, RM123 said:

I definitely know what my anxiety is about. It has to do a lot with getting a job, so anxious about interviews I keep screwing them up. Which then makes me more anxious. 

RM, interview anxiety is common even among people who otherwise aren't anxious.  Before retirement I was a manager and conducted many interviews.  A good interviewer will never try to trip you up or make you feel bad; instead he or she wants to know what you have to offer.  The best way to reduce your anxiety is to take yourself through some questions and answers (or do it with a family member or friend).  One tip: before you answer a question, take a good deep (quiet) breath to give you a second or two to collect your thoughts.  If it helps, bring in a notebook and jot down the key points of a question so you don't wander.  And above all, be confident in your abilities.  They wouldn't interview you if you were unqualified. 

[nipsu]

I believe that mirtazapine is increasing your morning anxiety. I had the same issue until i started withdrawing from it. I am currently taking only 1.65 mg of it but i still have minor morning anxiety. During afternoons my anxiety reduces substantially and this happens every single day after i started taking mirtazapine so i don't think there is other issue which causes this. I have noticed during my slow mirtazapine withdrawal that my morning anxiety has reduced when i have reduced the dose. You have to withdraw slowly from it. Don't try fast taper or it might screw your precious progress what you have made. I am also very happy to hear that your situation has improved alot. 

 

I recommend that you don't start reducing your mirtazapine dose yet. Maybe after you have done your interviews. Lower your dose 10 % every month. There will be for sure some waves but if you reduce it slowly the waves are manageable. Try to schedule your interviews in the afternoons if possible. 

[Altostrata]

That's a very interesting observation, @nipsu. I haven't heard of mirtazapine having that kind of hangover effect before. But it's possible because of the noradrenergic component.

 

@RM123 this anxiety sounds like a habit of mind you can learn to manage. @mstimc is a guru in this area.

 

Also see

 

Non-drug techniques to cope with emotional symptoms

 

Easing your way into meditation for a stressed-out nervous system

 

Music for self-care: calms hyperalertness, anxiety, aids relaxation and sleep

 

Ways to cope with daily anxiety

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

Shame, guilt, regret, and self-criticism

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, Altostrata said:

this anxiety sounds like a habit of mind you can learn to manage.

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/anxiety.htm

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/panic.htm

 

https://www.getselfhelp.co.uk/gad.htm

 

 

[RM123]

14 hours ago, nipsu said:

I believe that mirtazapine is increasing your morning anxiety. I had the same issue until i started withdrawing from it. I am currently taking only 1.65 mg of it but i still have minor morning anxiety. During afternoons my anxiety reduces substantially and this happens every single day after i started taking mirtazapine so i don't think there is other issue which causes this. I have noticed during my slow mirtazapine withdrawal that my morning anxiety has reduced when i have reduced the dose. You have to withdraw slowly from it. Don't try fast taper or it might screw your precious progress what you have made. I am also very happy to hear that your situation has improved alot. 

 

I recommend that you don't start reducing your mirtazapine dose yet. Maybe after you have done your interviews. Lower your dose 10 % every month. There will be for sure some waves but if you reduce it slowly the waves are manageable. Try to schedule your interviews in the afternoons if possible. 

This is interesting @nipsu I really just want to drop off but don’t want to ruin my progress. Thanks for you for being happy to hear. 
 

I really don’t know how to start reducing. I can’t get liquid form and I don’t know how to crush them up and make a pill.  

[RM123]

15 hours ago, mstimc said:

RM, interview anxiety is common even among people who otherwise aren't anxious.  Before retirement I was a manager and conducted many interviews.  A good interviewer will never try to trip you up or make you feel bad; instead he or she wants to know what you have to offer.  The best way to reduce your anxiety is to take yourself through some questions and answers (or do it with a family member or friend).  One tip: before you answer a question, take a good deep (quiet) breath to give you a second or two to collect your thoughts.  If it helps, bring in a notebook and jot down the key points of a question so you don't wander.  And above all, be confident in your abilities.  They wouldn't interview you if you were unqualified. 

@mstimc thank you for this. This does help. Is it ok to write down the questions during the interview? Does that not show you don’t have good listening skills? 
 

I will keep this advice in mind. I’ve come up with so many questions that would be asked I’ve overwhelmed myself. I’m having trouble answering them in depth. The last interview said my answer were too short and needed more examples to know me better. 

[RM123]

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

Im just anxious about everything in life. I think about my whole life, future. I have so many worried besides the interview. 
 

I’m so depressed as well. I think about all the mistakes I made, things I should of done, where I am in life. Being so anxious and depressed I’ve also gained so much weight. I haven’t felt myself for over a year now and I’m just not happy 😔

[mstimc]

9 minutes ago, RM123 said:

@mstimc thank you for this. This does help. Is it ok to write down the questions during the interview? Does that not show you don’t have good listening skills? 
 

I will keep this advice in mind. I’ve come up with so many questions that would be asked I’ve overwhelmed myself. I’m having trouble answering them in depth. The last interview said my answer were too short and needed more examples to know me better. 

 

Good Morning

 

You don't wan to write down the questions verbatim.  Just quickly jot down key words or phrases to help jog your memory when you answer.  Quite the opposite of a lack of listening skills, it shows you want to make sure you answer the questions as thoroughly as possible. Its especially helpful if the interviewer asks multiple-part questions like "Do you know about budgeting?  Can you tell us how you've prepared a budget and what the dollar amounts were?"  

 

As far as your answers being too short, when you answer, always try to relate the response back to your unique training, experience or education.  You can start by saying something like "I'm glad you asked about [subject] because that's something I've extensively studied/have a lot of experience in.  Then give them brief specific examples.  There is a fine line between thoroughly answering a questions and rambling.  Just stay on subject.  Try to read your interviewer's face--you can usually pick up visual cues they're expecting more.  Also, a good interviewer will tell you up front how much time has been set aside for the interview and how many questions there are.  That will help you frame your answers.

 

Finally, don't psyche yourself out.  I've never done a perfect interview on either side of the table.  Everyone walks out wishing they'd answered something differently.   Don't rush your answers.  Just listen to to each question and give them the information they want.  Think of it as a conversation instead of a test, like a friend asking you what you know about a certain subject.

[mstimc]

21 minutes ago, RM123 said:

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

Im just anxious about everything in life. I think about my whole life, future. I have so many worried besides the interview. 
 

I’m so depressed as well. I think about all the mistakes I made, things I should of done, where I am in life. Being so anxious and depressed I’ve also gained so much weight. I haven’t felt myself for over a year now and I’m just not happy 😔

Judging your future by your past is a mistake.  What you've done is over and has no value.  What you will be depends on how you embrace your potential future.  I recommend the book "The Power of Now" to help bring your thinking into the present with no regrets of the past and not fear of the future. 

 

Don't fall into the "what if" trap and start telegraphing catastrophic thinking.  I used to do that and still find myself falling into that pattern occasionally.  The problem is you can create a catastrophic reality for yourself that becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.  Try telling yourself you can handle whatever comes as it occurs.  I think you'll find you're a lot better at dealing with the reality of a situation instead of the anticipation of what terrible things may happen.

[Altostrata]

5 hours ago, RM123 said:

@Altostrata @ChessieCat

 

Im just anxious about everything in life. I think about my whole life, future. I have so many worried besides the interview. 
 

I’m so depressed as well. I think about all the mistakes I made, things I should of done, where I am in life. Being so anxious and depressed I’ve also gained so much weight. I haven’t felt myself for over a year now and I’m just not happy 😔

 

RM, wherever you go, there you are. These are not withdrawal symptoms, these are the habits of mind that might have caused you to resort to antidepressants in the first place. Like all habits, you can replace habits of mind with better patterns. Some people read books or join groups to teach themselves how to do this. A psychotherapist or other counselor can help.

[RM123]

My anxiety is so bad. It’s constant all day long. I hate it. It’s so draining. I can’t stop thinking and I can never relax and be at peace. 
 

I don’t want it controlling my life anymore 

[ChessieCat]

If you are feeling suicidal please find local support.

 

for-those-who-are-feeling-desperate-or-suicidal

 

http://www.suicide.org/hotlines/international/united-kingdom-suicide-hotlines.html

 

[RM123]

@ChessieCatI am not feeling suicidal 

[RM123]

The physical sensation every morning is just so overwhelming and last throughout the day. I don’t know what to do 

[mstimc]

RM

 

Have you tried therapy or other coping methods?  Can you think of any specific triggers that really affect your obsessive thinking?

[ChessieCat]

2 hours ago, RM123 said:

I am not feeling suicidal 

 

Thank you for letting us know.  Being an online forum it can be difficult to know how desperate a member is when they post that they are having difficulties coping.

[RM123]

1 hour ago, mstimc said:

RM

 

Have you tried therapy or other coping methods?  Can you think of any specific triggers that really affect your obsessive thinking?

Hey @mstimc . Thank you for always being there and supporting me. 
 

I have been on the therapy waiting list now for 5 months. 
 

I have tried mindfulness, trying to live in the present but I just can’t seem to do it. I try to tell myself positive things but it doesn’t last. It may work for a few seconds bu then it’s back to anxiety. 
 

I wake up in the morning and it’s automatic heavy heavy anxiety. I’m worried about everything you can think of in life. 
 

I am just finishing a holiday. I decided to go on one for a week to just take a break but I noticed I was anxious the whole time. I didn’t even find pleasure in seeing tourist spots when they used to excite me so much.
 

I tried to be in the moment and enjoy what I was doing but it just wasn’t happening. Why cannot I not feel pleasure? This has never happened to me before like this. 

 

I feel like I wasted my holiday. It was supposed to me a time just to relax and not worry. But worry is all I had. 

 

I tried to say to myself your on holiday, enjoy, relax but I couldn’t. I want to feel myself again. 
 

I hate this. I’m anxious right now. Don’t know why. It’s just that horrible feeling. 
 

I just want to be at peace again and start living and not existing. 

[RM123]

1 hour ago, ChessieCat said:

 

Thank you for letting us know.  Being an online forum it can be difficult to know how desperate a member is when they post that they are having difficulties coping.

I understand. 
 

I just don’t want to feel like this anymore. I want to live life again. Enjoy. Feel excitement and pleasure. 
 

[RM123]

Some things I noticed that are not like me. 
 

I graduated from University and after failing 3 interviews I landed a job. 
 

I should be so proud and happy of my achievement and accomplishments. I felt joy only for a few mins. 
 

My holiday was a gift to myself for graduating and getting a job. 
 

I felt no pleasure from it when I usually do. 

[mstimc]

RM, what you're experiencing is what I went through for a long time before, during and after WD and recovery.  Negative thinking crowds out any pleasure or positive thoughts.  The good thing is that you realize this isn't the "real you."  My advice is to start small--find something that gives you pleasure that you can do for just a few minutes--maybe scenes from a favorite movie on Youtube or a short reading.  The object is just to stop the negative thoughts for a while and let you mind and body relax a bit.  Keep your goals small and simple at first and believe in your recovery. 

[mstimc]

It may also help to practice thankfulness and appreciation for the progress you've made.  A few months ago you were afraid you wouldn't graduate and never get a job.  You've done both, and in the current crisis that's huge.  Counter your negative thinking by concentrating on positive facts. 

[Ripley]

Hi RM123

 

How are you getting along these days? I hope things are ok with you.

 

Rx

[Wagen]

@RM123 @Ripley how is your insomnia??

 

Ive been struggling for 7 months now. I tried mirtazapine for two weeks but doing rapid taper bc I suspect that it won't help me. Before I was hospitalized and severely sedated - for that I'm suffering from many withdrawal symptoms, mainly tinnitus which is making it even harder to sleep. 

 

At this moment, I told to myself that I'm done with drugs and that I will either die or live without them. 

 

I read your stories, how did you manage to live and sleep so little. For me, I should know by now but I'm always so so tired and just try to get through the days. 

 

Do you believe insomnia can just resolve itself? 

 

Thank you so much for your experiences. 

 

[arbor]

Hi @RM123  Would love to hear how you're doing.

Arbor