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Judith: Healing will happen!


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  • manymoretodays changed the title to Judith: Healing will happen!
  • Moderator Emeritus

Welcome Judith and congratulations!

Huge. 

Do tell us a little more about how you tapered, and what you remember, as far as symptoms that came and went, that you could attribute to WD(withdrawal).  Are you off all psychiatric/psychoactive drugs now?

 

Thank you so much for posting and please feel free to stick around, and help others here.   Or to just learn more and help others you might encounter in real life too.   I don't know how familiar you are with the site yet, but take a look around.

 

Welcome, welcome,

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Hi Judith

 

I think its so important for people dealing with tapering and withdrawal to hear from those of us who have gone through the ordeal and succeeded in gaining our lives back.   Just as each person's reasons for being on anti-depressants or benzos and for withdrawal are different, each journey through recovery is unique.  The timing, methods, and feelings are different for all of us.  The point is anyone, given enough time and support, can recover.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Thanks so much for this Judith, it's so encouraging. I'll be tapering Effexor at some point, so it's particularly good to hear from people who have survived that particular drug. Wishing you every happiness 😊🙏

January 2008 to April 2015 Citalopram 20mg to 5mg, reducing in 50 per cent leaps. Jumped off at 5mg

March 2016 used MDMA triggered setback

April 2016 Citalopram 10mg October 2016 cut to 5mg, May 2017 cut to 2.5mg

May 2018 used MDMA triggered setback

June 2018 Citalopram 2.5mg up to 10mg, then back to 5mg

July/ August 2018 7.5mg, then 10mg

June 2019 updosed to 20mg Citalopram

August 2019 cold switch to Venlafaxine 75mg XR

Supplements; 1100mg fish oil daily; also 100mg Magnesium Glycinate. Tried Vagifem 10mcg from mid May 2021 to mid June 2021; caused depression, so stopped.

 

 

 

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1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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On 12/20/2019 at 4:11 PM, Judith said:

Greetings to all!  It took 5 years for my brain and nervous system to rebalance and heal after taking Effexor for 14 years.  Nasty stuff. One of the hardest to discontinue. But it is possible! I tried to d/c it a few times over those 14 years but had to keep going back on it because I couldn't function. I didn't understand enough about withdrawal and how all this works. But as we all know we reach a point where our souls know we do not need this drug and will do whatever it takes to get off it and stay off it. It's a ride through hell that's for sure but you can do it!!

 

As we all know, it's a lot worse at the beginning of withdrawal. I only had about 3 days of windows over the years. But I could feel symptoms slowly getting better over the last year till it starts being noticeable that the crud may still be there but it's more manageable. And the last 6 months it kept improving until I couldn't believe that the buzzing in my head was gone and the fear and anxiety were gone. The brain fog and fatigue also slowly start improving. There may always be a little residual fatigue and brain fog but I'm also 66 yrs old - ha!  

 

We have no idea how brave we are to go through this to live an authentic life drug free.  It finally happened this year around May.  And as you know it was many years of a nightmare I could not have imagined. But it will happen!! I am here as proof. I have my life back and am finally able to travel to see my family out of town and live a normal life again.  Acceptance, perseverance, surrender, humor, love - it's all part of living each day well.  Just continue to take care of yourself the best you can.  Walking in nature is SO HEALING. That is what saved me.  And taking every stress out that you possibly can. And lots and lots of prayer. My heart goes out to you - Hang in there - you will make it.  🙏😘

@Judith You will save a lot of lives. This is the hope we need.

1999:  Paroxetine (20mg). Age 16. 2007-2008: Fluoxetine (Prozac) for 1.5 years (age 25) Citalopram 20mg 2002-2005, 2009: Escitalopram (20mg), 2 weeks, (age 26) (adverse  reaction)/*Valium 5mg/Temazepam 10mg 2010: Mirtazipine (Remeron)( do not remember dosage) 2010, 5 months.                     2010-2017: Citalopram (20mg) (age 27 to 34) 2016: i.1st Sept- 31st Oct Citalopram 10mg , ii.1st November 2017-30th November 2017, Citalopram 5mg iii.1st December 2017- 4th February 2018, Citalopram 0mg, iv.5th February 2018- March 2018 Citalopram 5mg (10mg every other day) 28th February- tried titration of 5mg ( some adverse effects)

2018: 1st March 2018- 1st June Citalopram 10 mg (tablet form) /started titration 8mg , then 7 mg.2018: June 15th- 10th July Citalopram 10 mg pill every other day 2018: 10th July - 13th Sept Citalopram- 0mg  (CBD oil first month of 0mg, passiflora on and off) 2018 13th Sept Citalopram  2mg ,  approx 16th Sept 4mg , approx 25th Sept 6mg held.  2019: 11 Feb 19: 7mg (instant bad rxn) 12 Feb 19 6mg held 1 May 19 5.4mg held 5 Oct 19 5.36mg 22 Oct 19 5.29mg 30 Oct 19 5.23mg 4/NOV/19 5.18mg 12 Nov 19 5.08mg 20 Nov 19 4.77mg 7 May 22 2.31mg 17/09/2023 0.8mg

(Herbal/Supplements since 1st September: Omega Fish Oil 1200mg, 663mg of EPA- 2 tablets a day, magnesium and magnesium bath salts)

I did not die, and yet I lost life’s breath
- Dante
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Amazing! Glad to hear! I am 10 months off and still have some challenges. Stories like this get me through. I know 100% I would of just went back on the medication if there was not members sharing their success stories and that it is POSSIBLE to get through! Thank you so much! :) 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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Judith,

Thanks for sharing your positive story.  You've been through a lot.   So grateful you are doing well.

You are absolutely correct, healing will happen!

Upward and onward.

Merry Christmas!

2010:  Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg.   Mirtazapine (Remeron) 15 mg. 

2011:    Tapered Mirtazapine: 5 month successful taper.  Then tapered Lexapro:  4 month successful taper

May 2011 to August 2017:   No medications, full recovery

September 6, 2017:  started Mirtazapine (Remeron) 15 mg  - due to severe sudden insomnia (I believe caused by statin use)

November 16, 2017:   started Escitalopram (Lexapro) 10 mg

January 1, 2018 to October 30. 2020 -- 34 month taper off of Mirtazapine 15 mg to 0.00 mg

June 16, 2018:  Started slow taper of 10 mg Escitalopram (Lexapro)

Current (mgai):    0.23 mg  Escitalopram

Supplements:  Fish Oil, Curcumin, bio active B vitamins, zinc, magnesium glycinate, Vitamin D, Vitamin C, saffron, citrus bergamot, ashwagandha

 

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own."  Matthew 6:34

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Hi Judith, @Judith

You should see a reply box below this post.  That's where you type in your responses.  You will need to be signed in to the site too, to reply.

(Just adding this post in addition to what I tried to explain via PM, around how to respond,  and used the @ notification in hopes you find your way back here, as well)

You can scroll on up to read again, what has been written to you, and/or quote so it's right in front of you when you reply.

I feel certain you'll get it.......be able to reply here soon.  It can be confusing at first and we'd love to hear back from you.

 

Best, L, P, H, and G,

mmt

And Merry Christmas if you celebrate this holiday!!  No offense intended if you don't.

Edited by manymoretodays
additional

Late 2023- gone to emeritus status, inactive, don't @ me, I can check who I've posted on, and I'm not really here like I used to be......thanks.

Started with psycho meds/psychiatric care circa 1988.  In retrospect, and on contemplation, situational overwhelm.

Rounding up to 30 years of medications(30 medication trials, poly-pharmacy maximum was 3 at one time).

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!  Tapered @ 10% every 4 weeks, sometimes 2 weeks to

2016 Dec 16 medication free!!

Longer signature post here, with current supplements.

Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  And.....I quit smoking 11/2021. Lapsed.  Redo of quit smoking 9/28/2022.  Can you say Hallelujah?(took me long enough)💜

None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider.  My success story:  Blue skies ahead, clear sailing

 

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Thank you for sharing your recovery story . I pray it happens for you quickly. 

July 18 Risp 1/1mg day   on and of 12times didnt know it was the drug 

2m sep for 4 to September 9

Ct Sept 10 / RI 1mg Sept 15 to 16

went down to 0.5mg Sept 17/18 

CT sep 19 30mg whine drug estimate

tmj, brain zaps, itching, body pains, loud tinnitus, brain fog , tremors , body ,Td,deregulation , sleep issues due to loud tinnitus. Facial movements, clogged ear , choky , burning , discomfort,banging brain 

bruxism , teeth clenching, hedac/nerve p

 

 

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Hi Judith.  I first want to congratulate you on your recovery.  A very long wait indeed.  I’m so very glad you can now claim healing and victory over WD.   Thank our Lord God.   

 

Second, thank you for coming back to post for those of us still in process.  Waiting for healing. When I read your story, I was so encouraged.  

 

Third, Judith, in one month, I will be 3.75 years out from the crash of my CNS.  I have very slowly been stabilizing over this time.  I have had every symptom you have listed except perhaps two, and a few you haven’t listed. It has been so hard.  What I am dogged with at this stage of 3.7 years out, is relentless brain fog, dizziness and fatigue and joint and muscle pain.  I still have other symptoms but these are doggedly present.  I’m wondering if you could share how the brain fog/dizziness , muscle and joint pain improved for you.  What did your healing look like?   Sometimes it feels as if this will never heal.  

 

I do know Baylissa and have both books you mentioned. I go to her site regularly.  She is wonderful!!!!  

 

Thank tou you for your time , every blessing to you Judith.  You being great encouragement.  I too have had to work the entire time through this ordeal.  

 

Gigi.  

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One other thing.  Not sure if we're supposed to talk about supplements.  As we know, everyone responds differently.  And because the bottom line is it just takes time and patience for our nervous systems to heal.   However, wanted to share some that I think may have helped me that I still take.   

 

I tried lots and lots of different supplements during withdrawal.    Most probably didn't help.  But I've taken most of these for the last year or two - some like magnesium for years.  

 

Magnesium in any form -  I take a chelated type that is highly absorbable by Doctor's Best brand.   Calms nervous system.  Research the different types and decide what may be good for you.

 

Mega-DHA premium fish oil - 50% DHA/ 20% EPA - I take the Nature's Way brand.   Research says the high DHA in fish oil is particularly good for our brain.

 

Lions Mane mushrooms - the Host Defense brand.  For memory and nerve support.  The guy that started this company is THE leading expert on medicinal mushrooms, Paul Stamets.  Check him out.  Mushrooms are amazing organisms that have many healing properties.  

 

Choline in the form of phosphatidylcholine - I use the Seeking Health brand called Optimal PC.   Supports cognitive health.  Recommended by Chris Kresser, one of the leading functional medicine practitioners in the country.  If you don't know about him, check him out as well.  

 

I also take a coQ-10 supplement for energy support.   And vitamin d3.  

 

Anyway, hope this helps.  Healing blessings to all.  😍

 

 

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1 hour ago, Judith said:

Hi Gigi,

 

Thank you for your kind words and for reaching out.  I know exactly how you feel and my heart and prayers go out to you.  Having to also go to work while dealing with all this is something that can only be explained by help from the grace of God and help from the angels - it's very difficult.  I am now retired and I hate to say it, but that helps a lot!

 

I cried and sobbed many times over those years of withdrawal. - will this ever end?  I still can't believe that I'm here to tell you that it does and it will!   I'm glad you've already experienced some improvement in symptoms - which means they will eventually all go away.   Keep remembering it's just your nervous system trying to heal. For me it felt like healing occurred one molecule at a time - in other words excruciatingly slow.  And not always linear.  The big three or four symptoms that were there the longest for me were fear and anxiety, fatigue, and brain fog.  And also the depersonalization - like you are trapped in anxiety land and can't conjure up a good thought if your life depended on it.  Brain fog that makes it impossible to read or concentrate or follow or organize anything.  So fatigued and brain fogged that I would be afraid I'd fall asleep while driving.  Couldn't exercise or work out like I was used to which was causing shoulder aches and pains and other issues. 

 

Looking back there wasn't any big window or one day waking up and saying - ah-ha!  these symptoms are gone or I'm so much better.   Not that it can't happen that way.  It was just a slow gradual process that finally by about end of year 4 and into year 5 of withdrawal, the symptoms are somewhat more manageable, not as all consuming, even though they are still there.   From January to May of 2019 - May 2019 being 5 years after discontinuing Effexor -  I just noticed gradual improvements in all those areas. Like it's there but only at 20%.   Until I finally realized that I was doing better, feeling better, not relapsing and things were staying that way.   And I realize I am still feeling better every day - getting my smile back and feeling the love and gratitude that was always there.  Praise God!! 

 

I still can get fatigued very easily.  And my eyes are very tired and lose focus easily.   And I have a frozen shoulder - the whole right side of my body is tight. I'm sure there are residual effects from all this.   But some of this stuff just comes with age as well.  

 

There was nothing in particular I did except, like I said previously, being in nature saved and healed me - walking - even though I was so fatigued and anxiety ridden I didn't know how I was walking or moving at all - just do it anyway.  I still spend as much time in nature as possible - it's where I feel God the most.  Listen to meditations and guided imagery and soothing music.  I still like to watch youtube videos of a tropical beach with nature sounds or other nature videos.  Take every stress out of your life that you can.   I also had some energy healing sessions, which may have helped  - you can't go wrong when asking for help from God and your spirit.    

 

I'm still amazed that I am now able to offer others help and that the trauma of going through all this is fading.  That I can talk about it and not feel it anymore.  

Wow - Praise God!.  You will feel better - you're almost there.  Hang on.  Time and patience.  And knowing we are never alone.  This is from the A Course in Miracles and I have it on my wall - it's a message from the Holy Spirit - "You do not walk alone - God's angels hover near and all about.  His Love surrounds you, and of this be sure; that I will never leave you comfortless".   God bless you.😇🤗😘

Hi Judith

 

My recovery was very similar.  A slow ebbing of withdrawal symptoms and anxiety/OCD behaviors.  

 

I, too, am grateful for the ability to help others.  I'm reminded of the passage from the New Testament, when Jesus heals Peter's mother-in-law of a fever.  A wise Episcopal priest once taught me that passage can be a model for healing and service.  As soon as she was healed, Peter's mother-in-law began serving her guests.  As with those of us who are on the path to recovery, after our own healing, we can be of service to those who are still struggling.  There is a purpose to our trials.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Hi mstimc,

 

Thank you for reaching out and for your wonderful message.   Yes there is a purpose for all of this.   As Joyce Meyer says, you can't have a 'testimony' without first going through a 'test'.   God put her in my path a few years back and she is amazing. If you don't know about her I encourage everyone to look her up - joycemeyer.org.  She also writes amazing books - so practical to what people are going through.  She uses her own life's extreme trials as her testimony and how God's word and teaching has helped her completely change.  And also now that she's older she's able to look back and see the progress she has made.   That everything happens for a reason that may not be clear at the time you're going through it.

 

I feel so blessed to be able to now offer hope to others.  My best for your continued recovery.

 

In peace and joy,

Judy

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Judith

 

During a therapy session early in my recovery, my psychologist asked me to name some positive things about my situation.  At first, of course, I couldn't, but then I realized I was blessed in many ways:  I had a job and that job gave me insurance benefits that included payments for my therapy sessions.  I was able to be honest with my boss about my condition and could get the time to see my therapist, who knew meds weren't the only answer and helped me with withdrawal.  Even at my worst, I was able to work and participate in my son's life when he was a child/pre-teen.  My wife stuck by me.  At the darkest periods, there was hope 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Hi @Judith

THANK YOU for coming and telling your story. I usually stay off of the site and focus on the healing. Gigi and I talk regularly and she told me about your story. What a blessing! Your story gives such encouragement. 

 

I am almost 31 months into my journey. I am currently holding and have been for about 23 months. Symptoms are getting milder and I am able to function pretty well. I have always worked part time and I continue to do that. All of that said, the symptoms are with me daily but during waves, they are rough. I have had a very slow recovery. Like you said, "one molecule at a time". 

 

You are an inspiration to us all. I lean on our Lord daily for the continued strength. 

 

Blessings to you,

Mirage

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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On 12/20/2019 at 8:11 AM, Judith said:

But as we all know we reach a point where our souls know we do not need this drug and will do whatever it takes to get off it and stay off it. It's a ride through hell that's for sure but you can do it!!

 

Wow @Judith, thank you for coming back and inspiring. Esp heartened by the fact that your recovery was around 5 years. At almost 3 years, I am embarrassed except for here to say that it. is. still. happening. Unbelievable. Came here to read recovery stories that were longer than a couple years. Presto bingo, your story appeared. So happy for you and thanks for the suggestions.

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini yoga

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Hi @mirage and @FarmGirlWorks

 

 

Reading your kind words brings me a feeling of gratitude that's hard to put into words - that all the suffering I went through is now being used by God to help others, that there was/is a purpose for it.  It will be the same for you.  If there is a reason for suffering it is to bring us closer to God with complete trust and surrender every day, and like you beautifully said, continue to lean on our Lord daily for continued strength.    

 

I know it's rough.  It is a feeling of unbelief every day that you can feel so bad and disconnected and yet are still somehow functioning.  But you are getting ever closer with each day to complete healing!   I too after a while stayed off forums and websites and just focused on healing and peace.  But reading the occasional success story helped me stay hopeful as well.  

 

My heart and prayers for strength, hope and healing are with you all,

Blessings,

Judth

 

  

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@Judith

 

Hello Judith and Happy New Year. 

I am so greatful for you coming back and sharing your success. I wrote you a message when you first posted but I will post here as well. I am 22 months into withdrawl unfortunately its not my first protracted. i took ativan 10 years ago for 30 days after my son was born first pharmaceutical ever and spent 3 years in hell after coming off. Thats where my antidepressant journey began 1 year on zoloft and got off fine. 3 years inbetween med free and then back on for a panic attack. One year on and here i am. Ive been in hell. I am having small improvements in the back and forth pattern which is very hard but normal considering the process. My biggest and hardest symptoms are the depression, intrusive suicidal thoughts which have been with me sin e day once but definitely better but still here and scary, Akathisia feeling of horrific internal restlessness that makes me feel like i want to die and crawl out of my skin, hopelessness and dread which are better but still hard, a chemical feeling of wanting to die and not do this anymore, rarely anxiety, some heart stuff but thats better too, and so much fear of not making it fear of getting worse and giving in. Im wondering if you too had these symptoms? Or can relate. I am so glad you are doing better! Gives so many of us hope! Have a wonderful day!

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Hi my dear @Elyssa143:

 

Thank you for reaching out and your kind words.   I hope you feel my warm hug around you.  Yes, I completely understand and relate as I had many symptoms as well as you can see in my previous posts.  Intrusive negative scary thoughts, a feeling of dread, depression, high anxiety, fear, depersonalization, brain fog, crushing fatigue, some akathisia, etc, etc.  I felt somewhat suicidal, but I kept saying that I really didn't want to die, I just wish I could have been in a coma until my nervous system healed so I didn't have to deal with it!  

 

Therefore --   I want to emphasize something you said in your post, which is that it is a "chemical feeling of wanting to die".  That is the key and what we must all remember as we travel through the nightmare of withdrawal.   This is not YOU - it is just a manifestation of your nervous system healing.  You are the one observing it happen, as horrific as it is.  How else can we explain how we continue to function despite all the madness?  How can we compose coherent logical sentences and words and yet still go through this?  You did a great job of that!  How do we walk around and interact and go to the store?  Of course it's the grace of God, but it's showing us that it is just our nervous system healing.   So do not believe the thoughts or pains or craziness that one is experiencing.   It WILL improve with time and patience.  THIS TOO SHALL PASS.  

 

It is also very important to take very good care of yourself with any gentle exercise you can tolerate such as walking in nature.  Eating right - eliminate caffeine, alcohol, sugar, wheat, dairy, and processed food.  Eat whole natural food as God made it. (my digestion and appetite were messed up and it was hard to eat and I lost weight, which is not helpful for someone as thin as I am! But food is tasting good again and I am gaining back a few pounds).   Drink water.  Eliminate interactions with people or online that causes any added stress as much as possible.  Listen to guided meditations and soothing music. I would say mantras or bible verses constantly to deal with the negative thoughts.  I remember feeling like it wasn't doing anything to help, but it is, despite how we are feeling.  That's where trust in God comes in, clinging to however you see a higher power to get you through each moment, hour, and day without thinking ahead.   Maybe that's why we go through this - it brings us closer to God if we let it.  

 

I also can't recommend Baylissa Frederick's books Recovery and Renewal, and With Hope in My Heart enough.  You can also sign up to be a member of Bloom in Wellness which is her support group of positivity for those traveling through withdrawal.  For a small fee you can get access to her daily encouragement and inspiration messages and even schedule personal counseling sessions with her.  She puts withdrawal in perspective as she's been through it herself.  Even though I am better, I continue to support her important compassionate work.  

 

Here's one of the many verses I clung to:  "May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  romans 15:13

 

You WILL recover!  Hang in there.

 

Many prayers for continued healing, hope and strength.  

 

Judith 

 

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@Judith 

Thank you so much for such a well written response. You took so much time and it had so much heart in it. I greatly appreciate it. I am struggling and have been struggling for a really long time. I know you know how that goes, right along with pretty much everyone here. I guess I thought it would be alot better by now? Or atleast the suicidal stuff would be gone? Which of course has been one of my longest lasting symptoms. some things have improved and even gone but not many. I get so scared with the feelings and thoughts still. My brain tells me all sorts of awful scary things, especially about not making it :(. And i want nothing more than to make it through this! I love Baylissa and have her book! I also get the daily encouragements! They are helpful! I do positive affirmations and listen to soothing music. I also do meditations and work on healing my nervous system. Im tired and frustrated that im still dealing with this i think especially since its my second protracted withdrawal.  Im scared of the constant feeling of not being able to do this much longer or the thoughts about how much longer i can do this. I feel "more normal " persay but i have the constant intrusive thoughts, brain chatter and depression and it scares me. My brain frequently tells me my life isnt worth it. And i "love my life" and everyone in it. I am better than in the beginning but im still dealing with the same things which is discouraging for me. But so many people say it goes so I continue to hang on! And I will. Deep down I know I wont give up , but I still get scared of the thoughts and feelings and fear of giving up. I know you struggled for a long time, and i know everyones story is so different. But i have continued to hold on to the fact that everyone says it gets better the further you are out, more time and it improves. Does it get less intense and easier to manage as time goes on? Does the bad become not as intense and the ok become better? I sure hope it wasnt absolute hell the whole time? I am very greatful for your response and encouragement along with everyone else. I do worry about it getting worse or the fact that im 22 months out and i still feel like "i want to die" its very scary for me. I do hope your having a nice weekend. And i really look forward to your response.  Thanks again. Hugs back❣

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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My dear @Elyssa143:

 

Thank you for reaching out.  I feel your fear and discouragement and desperation and understand it completely and am so sorry for your pain and suffering.  It really is incomprehensible that any of us survive this.  But I'm here to say that we do and we can.  

 

I also feel just as strongly your determination,  your strength, your ability to separate yourself from your symptoms, and a 'knowing' that you will make it no matter what.  And that is your 'true self'!!   because you say things like

 

       And i want nothing more than to make it through this! (yes!)   And i "love my life" and everyone in it. I am better than in the beginning but im still dealing with the same things which is discouraging for me.  But so many people say it goes so I continue to hang on! And I will. Deep down I know I wont give up , but I still get scared of the thoughts and feelings and fear of giving up.......   continued to hold on to the fact that everyone says it gets better the further you are out, more time and it improves.

 

You expressed it beautifully.  That's exactly how I felt.  All that mess of love and determination and not giving up and fear and discouragement and desperation.  It's a normal but highly exaggerated and agitated part of ourselves because of our compromised nervous system.  

 

You ask - Does it get less intense and easier to manage as time goes on? Does the bad become not as intense and the ok become better?    The answer is YES & YES!!  For me it was very gradual, but everyone is different and you could improve quickly.  The last year or so of my experience symptoms were much less and intense and more manageable.   In the last 6 months they gradually got better until I couldn't believe that I was feeling whatever I remembered as 'normal' and it was sticking.  The trauma of going through this lingers for a while but that is also improving and fading every day.   

 

Like Baylissa says, I know I can sound like a broken record, but hold on to hope and strength and ask God or whatever high power helps you to take over every moment and hold captive every thought in his light and love.  I used to repeat that a lot.  And still do!  And believe that it WILL GET BETTER.  The scary thoughts will diminish and go away.  Tell them you don't believe them like you are doing.    You are now far enough out that your symptoms will start improving very soon!!  And as you know they are 'symptoms' they are not 'you'.  You are doing all the right things.  

 

Sending many hugs and prayers for healing and hope and strength to you my dear.   You will make it!  

 

Judith

 

P.S.  I see you are from Florida - one of my favorite places!   I am leaving in several weeks to spend a month in Deerfield Beach, Florida close to where my son and his family live.  Can't wait for some sun, warmth, and beach time.  And I can't believe I'm feeling normal enough to even do something like this.  So hang on because your time is coming as well.  

 

 

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Hi @Judith. Thank you for your response in an earlier post. I truly appreciate you and the heart you have to come back and help those of us still walking this journey. 

 

I only have a few symptoms that remain and they are mostly physical. I still have dizziness and a feeling of disequilibrium and sleep is still not normal, although much, much better. I fall asleep easily and I am now getting about 7 good hours but still waking early and on some days, with slight anxiety. Oddly, these symptoms were the first to come I am thinking, they are going to be the last to go? Did you experience any of these and did you find that your first symptoms were the most difficult and lasted the longest? 

 

Blessings to you and I thank God, our Savior,  for you coming back and giving messages of hope and healing. 

Mirage

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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Hello dear @mirage,

 

Thank you for your kind words.  Yes, it is the grace of God that saw me through and is continuing now to help me help others.  Like I've said, I could not have imagined that I would finally heal and use the suffering to help and encourage others to hang on that they will heal as well!  

 

I am so happy that you are feeling better in many ways.  Yes the others will go - and hopefully soon!   For me it was a gradual diminishing of all the crazy symptoms not really one at a time.  The transition from sleeping to waking in the morning was very challenging for my nervous system and brain with a lot of fatigue and anxiety and that was one of the last to go.  But as we know, everyone heals differently.  I know you are encouraged and grateful for the progress you have made so focus on that and keep trusting God that your time will come very soon when everything will be back to normal.  You're almost there! 

 

Many prayers, blessings, and hugs to you my dear.  You will heal.  One moment, one hour, one day at a time, always held in God's loving arms. 

 

Judith

 

 

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Thank you @Judith for your words of inspiration and your ability to help. I truly appreciate that. 

 

My body and system is  taking the very slow route on the healing. I have never had a symptom just be gone one day. It has all been a very, very, very slow morphing. 

 

I keep my trust in God and lean on Him each and every day. Without Him and without hope, how does one get through this? I look so forward to fully, feeling myself again and being back. Until then, I continue to live each day finding blessings along the way. Yes, one moment, one hour and one day at a time, always held in God's loving arms. 

 

Mirage

Started Wellbutrin 300xl mid July, 2009. Stopped Wellbutrin 300xl cold turkey May 8, 2017

Started having symptoms started June 2, 2017. Started Wellbutrin 150xl July 7, 2017

Started Remeron 15mg August 15, 2017. Increased Remeron to 30mg October 4, 2017

Increased Wellbutrin to 300xl November 24, 2017. Lowered Wellbutrin 300xl back to 150xl January 8, 2018

Started weaning off of Remeron 30mg. Cut to 22.25mg January 11, 2018

Cut Remeron to 15mg January 18, 2018 Cut Remeron to 7.5mg January 25, 2018

Cut Remeron to 3.5mg January 30,2018. Stopped taking Remeron February 1, 2018

Currently taking: Fish Oil, Magnesium, Calcium, Vit D, Progesterone,

Hormone Replacement Pellets-Estrogen Testosterone 

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2 hours ago, mirage said:

Thank you @Judith for your words of inspiration and your ability to help. I truly appreciate that. 

 

My body and system is  taking the very slow route on the healing. I have never had a symptom just be gone one day. It has all been a very, very, very slow morphing. 

 

I keep my trust in God and lean on Him each and every day. Without Him and without hope, how does one get through this? I look so forward to fully, feeling myself again and being back. Until then, I continue to live each day finding blessings along the way. Yes, one moment, one hour and one day at a time, always held in God's loving arms. 

 

Mirage

Yes, looking back to the time I was barely making it from one day to the next, I know He was holding me up and whispering in my ear I still had work to do on this earth.  I learned the value of faith. 

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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congrats!  took me between 4-5 years to recover from Lexapro w/d

Lexparo 10mg user for 2.5 years. Last dose was 2/27/2008 after a fast 1 month taper. Recovered around 2011. Had issues with depression, anxiety, akathasia, inner restlessness, vertigo, insomnia, loss of appetite, eye floaters just to name a few. Basically rode it out, employing the Dr. Claire Weekes method.

 

Took Cipro in July of 2014 and have been having set backs with nausea, vertigo, anxiety (racing thoughts), and depression the last half of 2014.

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Hey @Judith,

so good to read storys like yours and glad you made the turn!

In about 2 weeks I am 2 years off paxil and things are still very hard for me. My main symptoms like brain fog, derealization and constant feeling of being hangover are still very present.

Mood swings are incredible these days like from very very optimistic to sad and depressed within a blink of an eye.

However did you sometimes thought that you are the only one who will never recover or that you do not withdrawling but only being very sick?

For me it´s an inner fight I consantly have and would be interesting if you or some others might relate.

All the best for you :)

Maggie

Started Paxil on January 2016 with 40mg

June 2016 - 30 mg, July 2016 - 20 mg, August 2016 - 20 mg, September 2016 - 15 mg, October 2016 - 10mg, November 2016 - 5mg, January 2017 - 3,75mg, 22/01/2017 2,5mg, 06/02/2017 0 mg

 

Symptoms I still have:

Dizziness (more in waves less in windows)

Brainfog & Derealization (constantly)

Muscle spasm

Hot and cold flashes with sweating (mostly in the evening)

Nightmares with hallucinations (not that frequent anymore)

Moodswings (from happy and optimistic to depressed and sad within a minute)

Joint pain

Symptoms that are gone:Anxiety & Panic, Insomnia, Deep phases of depression, Brainzaps

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3 hours ago, MaggieSmalls said:

Hey @Judith,

so good to read storys like yours and glad you made the turn!

In about 2 weeks I am 2 years off paxil and things are still very hard for me. My main symptoms like brain fog, derealization and constant feeling of being hangover are still very present.

Mood swings are incredible these days like from very very optimistic to sad and depressed within a blink of an eye.

However did you sometimes thought that you are the only one who will never recover or that you do not withdrawling but only being very sick?

For me it´s an inner fight I consantly have and would be interesting if you or some others might relate.

All the best for you :)

Maggie

I am almost one year off of Paxil as well. I was in a long window and just recently got smashed with a wave. It definitely sets you back mentally. But after reading of people getting through it I know it will get better! 
 

Everyday that passes is one day closer to being fully healed! 

I follow The Plant Paradox lifestyle by Dr.Gundry. This lifestyle has given me my life back and I feel better than I have ever felt in my life. It has enabled me to finally get off of this medication and truly live my life. Nutrition is the key to health!!!!! 

2008 to 2019  - 20 mg Paroxetine

Attempted 2 CT's around the 5-6 year mark. Were absolutely terrible and reinstated. Was never explained by the doctor the seriousness of the short half life of this drug. 

2017 - Attempted a tapered discontinuation of this drug and reinstated after being unsuccessful.

2019 - Feb. 12 - After a three month taper I am off of paroxetine. The 3 months were terrible, awful withdrawal feelings. I followed the doctors guidelines for the reduction of this drug and now know it was way too fast. 
2019 - Oct. 12 - 8 months off paroxetine. 75% improvement since coming off the drug. Definitely have had tons of challenges along the way. Let’s go!!!! 

2021 - Feb. 12 - 24 months off paroxetine. I have minor challenges now. Tinnitus/Headaches are still around but are reduced by a massive amount. 

 

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Hello @MaggieSmalls and @Cocopuffz17,

 

Thanks for your kind words and for reaching out.   As horrible as withdrawal symptoms are, we must always remember how incredibly brave we are to go through this to live a life that is drug free.  Especially in a society that is constantly  promoting some kind of drug to 'fix' anything and everything that they want us to believe  is wrong with us.   There is no drug or substance that will fix what 'we think is wrong with us' - because the bottom line is there is nothing wrong with us!!  If we didn't truly believe that we wouldn't be enduring this hell to ultimately be free.  Always remember our intention and why of we're doing this.   

 

And yes, as time drags on and we still experience symptoms, it's very normal but scary to think - will this ever end?   I said it many, many, many times through sobs and tears.  My biggest symptoms that lasted were brain fog, fear, fatigue, and some depersonalization.    

 

But I'm here to tell you that it does end and we do heal!!   It's still hard to believe that I am the one writing these words of encouragement for others.  It was hard to imagine the day happening, yet here I am as proof.  So please keep holding on and praying for patience and strength and comfort and healing will eventually happen.  Try not to put a time table on it and just get through each day the best you can.  Focus on gratitude for everything you can think of.  Helps the mind focus on something else but the crud.  I know easier said than done, but every little bit helps. I know how hard it is to just have any good thought in your head at all. 

 

So proud of you and all of us.   Hang in there.  It's just a matter of time.  You will heal!!

 

 Many prayers of healing blessings to you all,🙏😇

Judith ❤️

 

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Hi @Judith,

many thanks for your encouraging words it really means a lot to me reading these storys!

I´ve mistyped by saying I am close to the 2 years mark actually in February I am 3 years off. However as you said we should put ourselves to a time table as this sets us under so much pressure. 

Brainfog and the feeling of constantly being on a big hangover combined with buzzing ears and sweating are my main symptoms I can only imagine how it will feel when you get the relief after so many years it must feel like a miracle.

My sleep is very good though approximately I sleep around 8-9 h every night but I wake up every morning like I only slept around 4 hours. Also my hallucinations decreased during the night which I am pretty thankful for. It is scary as hell when you wake up seeing things or people in your bedroom who try to attack you.

Hopefully one day I will help other people on this site who are going trough this! After so many years no one is really believing me which is on top a hard thing to accept.

Wish you all the best and again thank you!

Maggie

Started Paxil on January 2016 with 40mg

June 2016 - 30 mg, July 2016 - 20 mg, August 2016 - 20 mg, September 2016 - 15 mg, October 2016 - 10mg, November 2016 - 5mg, January 2017 - 3,75mg, 22/01/2017 2,5mg, 06/02/2017 0 mg

 

Symptoms I still have:

Dizziness (more in waves less in windows)

Brainfog & Derealization (constantly)

Muscle spasm

Hot and cold flashes with sweating (mostly in the evening)

Nightmares with hallucinations (not that frequent anymore)

Moodswings (from happy and optimistic to depressed and sad within a minute)

Joint pain

Symptoms that are gone:Anxiety & Panic, Insomnia, Deep phases of depression, Brainzaps

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