Judith: Healing will happen!

[Judith]

Hi @MaggieSmalls,

 

It’s very encouraging when you can at least recognize that some symptoms are leaving or lessening.  I know what you mean about sleep-  I could sleep for nine or 10 hours but woke up still feeling wired and tired and anxiety ridden. I did not have the hallucinations - that sounds very scary but I’m glad they are also diminishing.   

 

And I also know what you mean about people either not believing what you’re going through or just getting tired of hearing about it. Because it’s hard for ourselves to even believe that this can go on for so long.

 

But hang in there - you’re getting close my friend!  And I know the day will come when you too will be helping others.  And the trauma of going through it will fade just like it is for me.   

 

Blessings of Healing, strength, and comfort, 

Judith 🙏😇💕

[Elyssa143]

@Judith

 I hope your doing well! Im approaching my 23rd month into this whole ordeal and although I still really struggle I am doing better overall. I feel like im healing. I still have symptoms daily and cycle up and down daily which is hard. This month has been my best month yet but Ive said that about every month since august. Although Septembers wave was absolutely horrific and they have been tough since then as well. But it seems to slowly painfully be getting better. Scary to say that. I do still have awful horrible intrusive looping thoughts which make life awfully hard and the awful feelings of wanting to die. But i know thats chemical because i definitely do not want to die. But my brain tells me i do and that i wont make it and itll get worse ill end up dying. Ita freaking awful. I fear now this is as good as it gets and now i have horrific ocd or something.  Was it like this for u this far out? I am very greatful for you coming back to help us all with your wonderful reasurment and kind words. I often wonder if we get to a place where we still have symptoms but we know were healing and it continues to get slowly better from there? I sure hope I continue to better im so scared of getting worse and not making it but even that has gotren a bit better too. I hope you enjoy Florida! Its a wonderful place! I look forward to being able to travel and enjoy it here soon! I am much more functional these days but mentally its still hard which leads the functionality to not really being quality of life. I just hope just because im more functional doesnt mean this is as good asnit gets for me. I honestly couldnt live the rest of my life like this so I pray its not. Looking forward to hearing back from you! Have a wonderful night

[Judith]

Hi sweet @Elyssa143,

 

You have expressed your thoughts and feelings beautifully which is pretty impressive considering the jungle of  hope and fear and desperation and strength and courage and doubt this madness of withdrawing from these drugs is causing.  But it's also perfectly normal to feel all this.  Always remember it's just a manifestation of our brain and nervous system working hard to rebalance and heal.  And as we all know, unfortunately it's a very slow process for a lot of us.  

 

You are so correct when you say:  "I often wonder if we get to a place where we still have symptoms but we know we're healing and it continues to get slowly better from there? ".   YES AND YES!!   You are already experiencing that by saying it's slowly, painfully getting better.   It is truly hard to believe how slow the process is and that we somehow endure this every day.   But I am here to reassure you that that was my experience and you will TOTALLY HEAL ONCE AND FOR ALL!!    I also used to think, ok I feel a little better than I did the last few months, but is this all I can expect?  But slowly, slowly I just noticed the improvements were holding and not wavering.  And then I remember thinking that the trauma of going through it would be around for a while even after most of the symptoms were gone.  But that too improves every day.  And now I am living life again with so much gratitude and normalcy I am truly amazed.  

 

You will NOT live the rest of your life like this.   Pray that God take every thought captive to His holy light and love and healing.  And may His peace and healing and hope that passes all understanding now guard your heart, mind, and body - in Jesus name AMEN!!  

 

Stay strong my friend,   With many hugs and healing prayers,

 

Judith

[Snorky]

Hi Judith

 

A very encouraging story. I too was on venlafaxine for about ten years (150 mg) before changing to amitriptyline in Oct 18. Then subsequently dropped that (CT) in Sept 19. In my case, I think my devastating symptoms are a combo of ven and amitriptyline discontinuation. In your list I saw tremors and zaps, but not the most terrifying symptom I get. This is awful, edgy, nervy sensations in both lower legs and head. It’s almost like a symptom of neurons, receptors constantly misfiring. 

 

Did you ever ever get this?

 

Thank you.

 

 

[Judith]

Hi dear  @Snorky ,

 

Thank you for reaching out it’s nice to hear from you. I’m so sorry that you’re still having such disturbing symptoms my dear. I didn’t have the zaps quite like you’re describing. Mine were more of the first month or two of the brain type zaps. But as we know our nervous system’s are all unique and experience this withdrawl madness very differently. I hope this clears up for you soon.   
 

Hang in there and know that each day no matter how bad it seems that you’re one day closer to healing. I know it sounds like a broken record. I’ve been there. Never thought I would make it. But I did and you will too.  
 

Sending many blessings for strength and courage and hope and healing prayers & wishes to you 🙏😇😘

 

Hugs, 🤗

 

Judith 

[Snorky]

19 minutes ago, Judith said:

Hi dear  @Snorky ,

 

Thank you for reaching out it’s nice to hear from you. I’m so sorry that you’re still having such disturbing symptoms my dear. I didn’t have the zaps quite like you’re describing. Mine were more of the first month or two of the brain type zaps. But as we know our nervous system’s are all unique and experience this withdrawl madness very differently. I hope this clears up for you soon.   
 

Hang in there and know that each day no matter how bad it seems that you’re one day closer to healing. I know it sounds like a broken record. I’ve been there. Never thought I would make it. But I did and you will too.  
 

Sending many blessings for strength and courage and hope and healing prayers & wishes to you 🙏😇😘

 

Hugs, 🤗

 

Judith 

Thank you again. My main fear is symptoms apparently deteriorating 4.5 months in, Continuous wave of greater magnitude etc. 

[Snorky]

3 hours ago, Snorky said:

Thank you again. My main fear is symptoms apparently deteriorating 4.5 months in, Continuous wave of greater magnitude etc. 

Sorry J

 

Forgot to ask, I also get v severe head tremors did you get those coming off venlafaxine?

 

Thank you. 

[India]

@Judith do you believe you were also healing during your taper or only once you reached zero? I am on 4.8mg it’s taken 2 years and many hells to get to here. I’ve been trying to visualise healing happening even during taper. 

[Rozon1]

@Judith I’m just now two months into my withdrawls from effexor. Your story actually gives me a bit of hope. Right now I’m dealing with constipation, apathy, lack of sleep, major anxiety(like a knot in your stomach that keeps you from being able to do anything) and heart racing. It’s hard not to think of suicide although I don’t think I’ll ever do it unless it gets 10x worse but I want to know. How long was it that the symptoms became more manageable? 

[Judith]

Hi @Snorky,

 

I don’t remember having head tremors per se. It was more of a feeling of zaps in my head and legs. - that was early after discontinuing the Effexor.   I know how scary it is to feel symptoms getting worse. But please remember it’s all part of the healing process.  It doesn’t feel like healing but it’s part of what your nervous system has to do to re-regulate itself.  
 

Hang in there my friend. Don’t ever forget how brave and courageous and strong we are to go through this hell to be drug-free.   so proud of you!  
 

Hugs and healing wishes🤗😘

Judith 

[Judith]

Hello dear @India,

 

I tapered over a two month period, which I now know was probably way too fast. However, as you are experiencing sometimes it’s just going to be hell no matter how long you take to taper.  I didn’t feel many effects as I was tapering at all. In fact for a few weeks after discontinuing I felt great. I think that was my soul recognizing I was free of that drug. However, very soon after that is when all hell broke loose as my brain and nervous system started the excruciatingly slow process of trying to upregulate the receptors that had gone missing during the drug years.  

 

Yes I believe healing is happening even when you taper. Because it’s allowing your brain and nervous system to deal with the changes more slowly.  But that still doesn’t mean it’s easy!   So keep trying to visualize everything healing and know that they are just symptoms. And the real you is the observer. I know it’s like observing a train wreck but it will and does get better!  
 

Just take it one day at a time and know that there are many who have walked your path and have recovered and made it. It took me almost 5 years after discontinuing. And I’m not saying it’s going to take you that long at all because we’re all different. I’m just saying you have to allow the process to unfold the way it will & know that there’s going to be a happy ending.  
 

Hang in there my friend. Thank you for reaching out. Sending many healing hugs and wishes 🤗❤️😘

 

Judith
 

 

[Judith]

Hello dear @India,

 

I tapered over a two month period, which I now know was probably way too fast. However, as you are experiencing sometimes it’s just going to be hell no matter how long you take to taper.  I didn’t feel many effects as I was tapering at all. In fact for a few weeks after discontinuing I felt great. I think that was my soul recognizing I was free of that drug. However, very soon after that is when all hell broke loose as my brain and nervous system started the excruciatingly slow process of trying to upregulate the receptors that had gone missing during the drug years.  

 

Yes I believe healing is happening even when you taper. Because it’s allowing your brain and nervous system to deal with the changes more slowly.  But that still doesn’t mean it’s easy!   So keep trying to visualize everything healing and know that they are just symptoms. And the real you is the observer. I know it’s like observing a train wreck but it will and does get better!  
 

Just take it one day at a time and know that there are many who have walked your path and have recovered and made it. It took me almost 5 years after discontinuing. And I’m not saying it’s going to take you that long at all because we’re all different. I’m just saying you have to allow the process to unfold the way it will & know that there’s going to be a happy ending.  
 

Hang in there my friend. Thank you for reaching out. Sending many healing hugs and wishes 🤗❤️😘

 

Judith
 

 

[Snorky]

6 hours ago, Judith said:

Hi @Snorky,

 

I don’t remember having head tremors per se. It was more of a feeling of zaps in my head and legs. - that was early after discontinuing the Effexor.   I know how scary it is to feel symptoms getting worse. But please remember it’s all part of the healing process.  It doesn’t feel like healing but it’s part of what your nervous system has to do to re-regulate itself.  
 

Hang in there my friend. Don’t ever forget how brave and courageous and strong we are to go through this hell to be drug-free.   so proud of you!  
 

Hugs and healing wishes🤗😘

Judith 

Thanks Judith

[Judith]

Hi @Rozon1, 

 

So sorry you are going through this.  But the only way out is through.  That becomes very obvious early on.  I remember thinking that I didn't really want to commit suicide, but just wish I could have been in a coma until it was all over!   That's when you realize it's a one moment,  one hour, one day at a time job, clinging to God and his mercy and grace.  Praying for strength and healing and comfort. That is what got me through.  And spend as much time in nature as possible.  

 

I wish I could tell you that symptoms were more manageable early on.  But it took many years for my brain and nervous system to re-regulate and normalize.  It wasn't until the last year or so that I could feel the crud diminishing to a lower percentage, until finally it was gone.  It was like one molecule at a time.  But that is MY experience and we are all different.  I am female, I am older, I was on the drug for a long time.   So please don't be discouraged.  You will heal and probably much faster than I did. 

 

Hang in there my friend. Don’t ever forget how brave and courageous and strong we are to go through this hell to be drug-free.   so proud of you!  You will make it.  And the feeing of being drug free and the lessons learning from suffering are your gift of coming out on the other side of hell.  You will then help others.  

 

Hugs and healing prayers and wishes, 🤗😘

Judith

[Rozon1]

Hey @Judith did you have apathy and lack of emotion during your withdrawl? Sorry if you said it before. Also thank you so much for replying. I do wonder if I’ll recover in a speedy amount of time seeing as it’s been two and half months with little improvements

[Caryn]

@Judith,

 

Are you having depression since you've been off Effexor? I'm going through horrible withdrawal that started as soon as I finished tapering off and I'm only five months living Effexor-free (REM Rebound and morning GI issues, and depression has set in about two months ago). As you stated in your December post, these symptoms are a living hell and I can't imagine suffering like this for years, although your eventual success is encouraging.

 

Caryn

[Snorky]

13 hours ago, Caryn said:

@Judith,

 

Are you having depression since you've been off Effexor? I'm going through horrible withdrawal that started as soon as I finished tapering off and I'm only five months living Effexor-free (REM Rebound and morning GI issues, and depression has set in about two months ago). As you stated in your December post, these symptoms are a living hell and I can't imagine suffering like this for years, although your eventual success is encouraging.

 

Caryn

Hi C

 

Im sure J will reply, but just wanted you to know that I was longer term user of Effexor (>10 years). Went from that to amitriptyline end 2018 b4 CT off latter. I think I must be experiencing double whammy of Effexor and Amitriptyline CT. Now five months in and bombarded with mental tension/anguish that feels like a physical pressure, but also prevents communicating, reading, enjoying etc. Also coupled with horrible depressive/anhedonia type symptoms. No interest of motivation to do the very things that would otherwise help and be a distraction. Just wanted you to know you’re not alone.

[Judith]

Hi @Caryn,

 

Sorry you are having a rough time - but unfortunately it's par for the course in recovery from psych drugs.  Yes if you will look at my earlier posts I not only had all those symptoms but a whole host of others that went on for years.  I'm not saying yours will, but we have to be prepared for anything.  We are all diffferent in our rate of healing.   The best thing we can try to do is accept it's just part of our nervous system and brain healing and as horrible as it is remember we are still under there somewhere.  Taught me to rely on God every moment, every hour, every day.   

 

For the most part our bodies heal very slowly, but they ARE healing.  Just times time and a lot of patience.   

 

Hang in there my friend,  sending lot's of love and strength and comfort and healing prayers,

 

Judith

[Raindays]

Dear Snorky: Just noticed your questions to Judith about severe head tremors. I am in month 9 of coming off 15 or so years of Effexorxr.  I thought I was the only one experiencing this terribly distressing symptom!  My head is really tremoring especially when I lay down. It is driving me crazy. Can you tell me more about what it is like for you?

[Elyssa143]

@Judith

How are you doing with all this craziness going on? Did you ever go to florida? How was it? 

Im coming up on month 25. Definitely improving but with all this craziness and stress going on its definitely affecting me. I get concerned I still have the intrusive suicidal ideations and the feeling of not wanting to do this anymore. I feel like that should have gone by now? It scares me. Then of course i worry about really not making it or the thoughts coming true. Then i have the dread and akasthsia which makes me depressed and feeling like "i want to kill myself" of course i do not.  The depression sucks bot not being able to feel any good or positive feelings or emotions is really hard but ever so very slowly and painfully im improving.  I just am still scared with the symptoms i do have. I still dont live a normal life and constantly hyperfocused on withdrawl not that i want to be just where my brain goes. Does all this go? Is it normal at this time to still feel like this? I often worry something else is wrong but then i remind myself i never had these before and it all started when i came off the meds. Looking forward to hearing from you. Hope your well. Hugs

[Judith]

Hi @Elyssa143:

 

So nice to hear from you!  It is an unprecedented crazy world right now but grateful to say that I am fine.  Somehow I am not feeling the stress of it - probably because my life hasn't changed all that much since I'm already retired.  But I also think it has something to do with going through years and years of withdrawal hell.   That if I could survive that, this is nothing!!   But I also know that if this was happening while I was going through the recovery, it would have been very hard to add this stress on top of that.   Try not to listen to a lot of news but just keep focusing on healing and doing things that bring some kind of peace to your life.  Get out in nature and walk or just sit - whatever you can do.  And since you are lucky enough to be in Florida it's usually a good time to do it!

 

I was blessed to be in South Florida for 5 weeks from end of January to beginning of March and I must tell you it was heaven!   Going to the beach, swimming in the ocean, swimming in a local pool, walking every chance I got - especially in the evening under the moon and stars and listening to the crickets -- I love it all!   I am also grateful I was there before all this started and could enjoy it.   I miss Florida a lot and now that I'm back in the cold, cloudy, damp north I have to try to stop myself from complaining about the 'weather jail' in which I find myself and enjoy what I can and try not to complain! 

 

I'm sorry that you are still having a hard time and I know exactly how you feel.  The relentless feel of fear and anxiety and depesonalization and brain fog and on and on other symptoms make one feel as if we are crazy or can't take it anymore.   What helped me is to constantly remind myself that this isn't ME, that's it just a manifestation of my brain and nervous system healing -- because it doesn't have the receptors it needs yet to process the feel good chemicals that make us feel normal.  I know you already know this because you say things like, this isn't me or wasn't me before withdrawal.   And also because you can feel small, slow improvements.  Even though you're not where you want to be.  

 

Please keep holding on to the fact that you will keep improving, even if it's very slowly.   There have been those who have suddenly improved quickly or certain symptoms go before others and things are easier to manage.   And remember that all those horrible thoughts just come from a brain and nervous system that isn't quote working right yet.  They are not YOU.  Don't believe them. 

 

You will NOT live the rest of your life like this.   Pray that God take every thought captive to His holy light and love and healing.  And may His peace and healing and hope that passes all understanding now guard your heart, mind, and body - in Jesus name AMEN!!   I used to pray that all the time - and still do!

 

Hang in there and know that each day no matter how bad it seems that you’re one day closer to healing. I know it sounds like a broken record. I’ve been there. Never thought I would make it. But I did and you will too.  
 

Sending many blessings for strength and courage and hope and healing prayers & wishes to you 🙏😇😘

 

Stay strong with God's help always, my friend,

 

Judy

 

[delsol]

Hi Judith! I read above that you're back up north. I am glad to hear you're doing well.  lt's been very hard, dealing with lots of withdrawal, on top of not being able to get out and go to my normal "coping spots." I still go to Lake Erie a lot though. Thanks for the ongoing messages of encouragement. South Florida sounds great, though I hear there are a lot of beaches closed now. I'm glad you were able to get there when you could. 

[Judith]

Hi @delsol:

 

So nice to hear from you! And for your kind words.

 

 Yes, dealing with the current world situation and isolation is not easy for most - let alone those still going through withdrawal!   Glad you can get to Lake Erie and out in nature - it's so healing!  I live next to Lake Erie in Bratenahl Ohio , just a few miles from downtown Cleveland.  Where are you located? 

 

Keep taking it one day at a time holding onto the knowledge, hope and strength that you WILL HEAL, and that every day you are one day closer to that healing.  

 

Prayers and healing blessings and wishes and hugs to you, my dear.🤗❤️😘

 

Judy

[Elyssa143]

@Judith

Thank you so much for always finding time to be so kind and reasuring. Im glad your doing as well as possible considering the circumstances. And im glad you were able to enjoy Florida before all this craziness began. Ill be 25 months next mont. Really struggling here lately which im sure the added stress of the outside world isnt helping at all. But I find it hard to many people who can relate and jt makes me feel alone or like im more damaged or something else is wrong. The suicidal stuff this far out is really traumatizing.  To feel as if i dont want to live anymore for no reason other than my brain chemicals are not working properly due to this innury is extremely scary and frustrating. The intrusive si used to be 24/7 and isnt all the time anymore but still alot and upsetting. The depression and dread that makes me feel like i just dont want to do life anymore is also exhausting. im discouraged and frustrated.  Im not in any of the groups because rheyre too triggering but when i read people success stories or talk to everyone seems to have the suicidal stuff earlier and has gone. No one seems to have it this late. And thats scary  for me. I do have many other symptoms but if this went this would be easier to manage. Really needing some reassurance. Im sending u a big hug hope your well. Thank u again for being there.

[Judith]

Hi @Elyssa143,

 

So nice to hear from you sweetheart!   You are amazing - I feel the kind & compassionate person that you truly are.  You send caring messages of love and concern to others, despite the horrendous mess going on in your brain and nervous system.   That says a lot about your true nature.  Hang on to that.   It is also impressive that you can separate your true self and identify your symptoms and suicidal thoughts as a manifestation of a brain that is recovering and healing from the toxicity of these drugs.   I understand how hard it is.  The hardest thing we will ever go through.  Continue to not believe those thoughts, just as you have been all along.

 

I know what it's like to wake up every day like it's 'Groundhog Day' - it's exhausting and terrifying.  And the never ending pain and thought of - will this ever end?  Hang on to the fact that you've already got many many months of healing going on in your brain and nervous system, and that you are truly 'one day closer to your full recovery'.   Try not to compare your path to others who are farther ahead.    I am proof that you will heal - because I was where you are!!  

 

As I've said in other posts, I highly recommend Baylissa Frederick's books "Recovery and Renewal' and 'Hope in My Heart".   Also her website Bloom in Wellness.  And can also be part of her facebook group called 'Positive Past Times".  (I'm not a facebook user, but everyone in this group is going through recovery and it's all focused on the positive and how to get through this day by day and knowing you are not alone).  She has been through this herself and is a mental health counselor and now devotes her life to helping others through this.  Always focusing on hope, strength, courage, facts, encouragement.  She inspired me like no one else.   You can pay a small monthly fee and receive her daily messages of encouragement, which I still receive even though I am recovered.  I remember how hard it was to read and concentrate but even if it's just a few pages at a time you will find a lot of hope.  

 

Here is today's message from her:

 

As you prepare to navigate your way through this day, do your best to not allow the negative aspects of withdrawal to make you discount any good there may be in your life. Don’t let this challenging chapter of your life make you conclude that you have a bad life. Yes, there are many things that are painful, devastating even, and definitely ‘not right’ in your life now, because of withdrawal, and the pandemic, but they will both come to an end. While you patiently wait, see what you can find to be grateful for.

And no matter what emerges next, no matter how many times you stumble and fall as you endure the symptoms and await recovery, you must keep picking yourself up and you must keep pressing on. It might not be tomorrow or next week or next month, but the time is coming when you will notice improvements and things will get better. Even if aspects of your life other than withdrawal are difficult right now, there is so much to look forward to, after withdrawal is over, you must keep holding on.

When withdrawal is over you will be so proud of yourself. You will look back on these times and wonder how could you have doubted your strength and resilience. You will look back and realise just how courageous and heroic you have been. You will look back and see that refusing to give in to withdrawal, refusing to give up, has transformed your life in the most remarkable ways.
 
Sending healing thoughts and wishes,
Baylissa 

 

Stay strong my friend.  Surrender it all to God.  Stay in touch and let me know how you are doing.  

 

Sending lots of hugs and love and many prayers for healing and strength and hope.😘❤️

 

Judy

[Judith]

Hi there @zulan:

 

I'm so sorry that you are in the throes of chaos of your brain and nervous system healing from the drug.   I know what it's like.  

 

I'm so proud of you for still fighting!!  That's what we hang on to - hope and courage and strength and belief that this WILL get better.  And that each and every day we are one day closer to the day when all our receptors will be back to normal and symptoms will be no more.  Because I am here to tell you that it WILL happen and we just need to hang on.  I was where you are and I healed.  

 

Surrender every moment to God and remember that our true nature is love and it's the only thing that's real - even when we can't feel it.  Give it to God and the strength and courage and hope and healing is always there for you to draw upon.  The rest is just a manifestation of our bodies doing everything  they can to get back to homeostasis.   

 

Sending many prayers and hugs for healing and strength, 🤗❤️

 

Judy

[waves12]

Hello Judith

 

I have enjoyed reading all your posts and so happy you are doing well now and feeling recovered.

 

I am almost at 4 years this coming June and still suffering with high anxiety, current situation not helping as have heatlh anxiety since all this withdrawal began.

 

I live alone and so feeling very lonely through all this and had stopped driving very far to visit my son and grandsons because of the anxiety and now of course he cant visit me. He lives about an hour away by car.

 

I feel at times that I am not recovering becasue i live alone and just wondering if you live alone and did so through your recovery?

 

I have worked from home the whole time so pretty isolating anyway but also it kept me in work to pay my bills as felt so dreadful i cant imagine going out to work with the withdrawal, amazed that you managed to keep working at that time. Through this virus i now have no work so another stressor to endure, i know i am not alone in that situation.

 

Fear is my biggest problem, fear of how i feel, fear of loss of income, fear of not seeing my family, fear of lonliness, fear of never getting better and on and on.

 

I also had a huge stressor in March 2019 when my baby grandson passed away, the whole of his 5 months was very traumatic and lived on a knives edge the whole time as he was not a well baby. My anxiety went sky high when he was born in October 2018 as we knew the situation was not good.  I have not seen my son since the funeral and he wont speak with me or see me, he does live 4 hours by road away.  He is angry and grieving.  I miss him so much on top of the loss of grandson i feel i have lost my son too we were very close so I am grieving for both of them it feels. I know the loss of a baby or child can change lives forever and the fear of never seeing my son again is fuelling my anxiety and its making me so unwell.  I am at a place now where it feels impossible  to recover or even try anymore and with the current lock down i feel so alone and pretty broken.

 

I do pray alot and hope my prayers will get me through.

 

Any works of hope you can offer Judith would really help and to encourage me that I can still get better even with all the grief and with all the lock down. Really interested to know if you do live alone too.

 

Thank you for reading this if you did manage to.   

Waves

 

 

[Judith]

Hi @waves12,

 

So nice to hear from you!  Sending many hugs and love to you across the world. 

 

Even though you may live alone, God reminds us always that you are NOT alone.  One of my favorite quotes from A Course in Miracles is hanging in front of me right now - 'YOU DO NOT WALK ALONE.  GOD'S ANGELS HOVER NEAR AND ALL ABOUT AND HIS LOVE SURROUNDS YOU.  AND OF THIS BE SURE, MY HOLY SPIRIT WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU COMFORTLESS'.   It sustained me during recovery from the drug and sustains me every day now.  That is the gift of going through this suffering - it strengthens your belief in what is real and what isn't.  And only love is real, because God is love.  

 

Even though I have a significant other I live with, when you are going through withdrawal it makes you feel alone because of horrific symptoms.  It's hard for someone else to truly experience what you are going through. That's why these kind of support groups help so much -- to know that you are not alone in your experience and that there is true hope and healing on the other side.   

 

I'm so sorry to hear about your family situation and the loss of your grandson.  What a heartache.  And on top of all the symptoms of our brain and nervous system healing it's hard to believe we can bear it all.   My mom passed away in the midst of my recovery and I have no idea how I got through it - except by the grace of God.   Another favorite scripture is "God's strength is made perfect in our weakness".   Relying on The Infinite Source of Love every moment is our strength and hope, no matter where we are in recovery or in life.   My prayer for you is that given time and patience and prayers your son will come around.  He always feels the love you have for him in his heart, even if he's not reaching out right now.  

 

Hopefully if you have the technology you can do video chats with your friends and family.  We are going to try the Zoom meeting thing with our extended family soon so we can all be together.  It's something we should have considered before isolation, so this is a new benefit to us all!

 

And now being isolated with this virus adds to the stress.   Big questions are also - What lessons does all this recovery and isolation present us?  What helped me is strengthening my belief  that God and angels are always with me no matter what my symptoms are telling me.  And that we need to learn to become our own best friend.   Embracing gratitude for everything we are and have and CAN do.  Not believing that the fear is real, because scripture also tells us that "God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and love and a sound mind".    Bearing in mind that all these symptoms are not US, as real as they feel to our body, but are just manifestations of healing taking place.   Learning patience and trust and hanging onto hope.  

 

I try as much as possible to focus on things to be grateful for.  I love being in nature and am grateful to even be looking at it, even if it's only on YouTube if it's nighttime or the weather is bad.   The fact that I have the ability to walk and get out in nature or go where I can right now.  The food we have, the warm bed, the clothing.  The birds coming back now in springtime and singing.   Life is rarely living up to our expectations.   But perhaps it's not life that should change, but our expectations of it.  Everything happens for a reason, even if we cannot see it now. Or will ever understand it in this lifetime.   God understands and it's all we need to know and focus on.  Trusting God with all our hearts and leaning not on our own understanding.  God set up this world of duality which means that we wouldn't know joy if we didn't know sorrow, wouldn't know light unless there was dark, wouldn't know health if we didn't know sickness.  

 

Keep praying and trusting God.  YOU WILL HEAL!   Let me know what you're doing.

 

Sending many prayers and healing hugs and wishes and love,❤️

 

Judy

[waves12]

Hello Judy

 

Thank you so much for all your kind words and support.  Everything you wrote is all so true and it is everything I do believe in too.  I do have a good faith in God although finding it hard at times when in so much pain.

 

I have got a lot of physical pain now due to the constant tension of my anxiety and fuelled by my worries surrounding my son.  I do need to trust and let go of any outcomes and leave it all to God.

 

I struggle to take a walk due to pain in my butt bones and hips all caused by anxiety, unbelievable how stress and tension can cause such physical pain.

 

Going through all the withdrawal is hard enough and with a ton of stress on top its a challange.

 

I live about 20 minutes walk from the sea so I do go there for a walk, I used to cycle there alot last year before the physical pain started and so now its hard to sit on saddle so had to put the bike to the side for now.

 

I have the Course in Miracles on audio and do listen to it for help.  I also listen to similar things on YouTube at night when i cant sleep which is most nights.

 

So sorry you lost your mother and extra hard when suffering through this recovery.

 

I do have an online video call with my other son and his family and not long seen and spoken to them this evening.  This helped a little but now feeling alone again.

 

All my friends have their family closeby so its very hard here alone.  During the lockdown I guess there are many families feeling much the same.

 

I have to ask God for guidance and direction through all this and that maybe one day I will be reunited with my estranged son, it hurts so much, I will keep praying and I also pray for my son and his partner that they will heal from their loss, it will take a long long time for sure even so I still miss him.

 

Thank you Judy for all your help and ideas, it was lovely to log on and see your reply.

 

It is very kind of you to help others.

 

Have a peaceful day and evening.

 

Much love

Waves

I

 

 

[Judith]

Hello @waves12,

 

Thank you for your kind words and support as well!   Your strong faith and gentle nature shine through.   Sensitive people feel the emotions of others more deeply and it feels like you are one of those people - an empath.   You too are helping others with your kindness and gentleness and understanding and prayers - despite your symptoms which shows how brave and courageous you are.  

 

Sounds like you live in a lovely area not far from the sea!   I'm sorry you are having physical issues which compromise you getting out more.  Please make yourself do whatever you can do.  It helps to move around even if you're in pain - it loosens things up.  Walk slowly outside even for a few minutes.  Sit in the sun.  It's so healing.  

 

This is an excerpt from Baylissa Frederick's message of the day for those going through recovery.  She's amazing how she can communicate the same encouragement and inspiration and hope in so many different ways every day. 

 

When life brings big winds of change that almost blow you over, hang on tight and BELIEVE.”

What you believe, while you struggle with your symptoms is important. If you have a faith, use it. Pray and pray hard, but when you pray, you should believe that your prayers will be answered. If you don’t have a faith, you can still believe that we all do eventually heal (which we do) and hold on to this belief. This really helps with coping. Don’t let that withdrawal voice that often lies to you win. Go with the anecdotal evidence: that even in those cases where people were very protracted, they did get better. You will too.

So today, as you struggle with your symptoms, believe that your resilient nervous system is healing – and even as you are reading this. Believe that in time, all your withdrawal symptoms will go. Believe that recovery is the natural outcome of this unbelievable journey. Believe that you have more than enough strength to cope. Believe that your recovery will be completed in the way that is best for you and with perfect timing. Believe that the torture will end... and that this will one day be behind you. Believe that a new and better chapter awaits.

In the meantime, while you wait, know that all you need to do is hang on tight and keep the faith.

Sending healing thoughts and wishes,

Baylissa

 

I heard this quote this morning from A Course in Miracles which says "There is no peace but the Peace of God, and I am glad and thankful it is so."    

 

You WILL HEAL!   I am here as proof.  Hang in there.  My thoughts and prayers are with you.  Keep in touch and let me know how you are doing.

 

With love and peace,😘❤️🙏

Judy

[Longroadhome]

@Judith

 

hi Judith I have read your posts over and over as I go about tapering off my antidepressant. 

you are an inspiration . Your AD is another hard one to get off as is mine too !! So well done you are very brave and courageous. 

can I ask you did you have anxiety most days and was it intense . How many years did it last before it started to ease off? 
 

also did you have depression and how long did this last ? 
 

thank  you for returning and sharing your journey 

it’s good to be reminded we do not walk this path alone . 
 

take care stay safe 

LRH 

[Judith]

Hello @Longroadhome,

 

It's so nice to hear from you!   What a cute doggy in your profile photo!  Thank you for your kind words.   We are ALL truly brave and courageous to do whatever we have to do to be drug free and live authentic lives.   There is no turning back -  the only way out is through.   And you're right - it helps a lot to know we are not alone in this.  Others have been there and have gone through the nightmare of recovery and healed and you will too!

 

I'm sorry you are still in the throes of it.   If you go back to my earliest posts you will find more details on my story.   Yes I experienced horrendous anxiety and depression,  brain fog, fear, depersonalization, GI issues, noise sensitivity, etc, etc, etc.  I explain it took my brain and nervous system and body many years to recover.  It was intense most of that time.  Improvements were felt very gradually if at all.  Like it was one molecule at a time.  At about year 4 and the start of year 5 I felt a slow improvement, not of any one symptom, but in general overall.  Not great, but gradual, until around 4 1/2 yrs the crud was down to about 20%.  Then at the end of year 5 I realized it was gone and staying gone.  Then I felt kind of like I had PTSD for a few months but even that gradually faded.  And memories of the whole thing have faded as well.  Now it's just an unbelievable normalcy.  It's hard to believe I know.  But that's why hanging on is so important.  It may take a while but our bodies are valiantly healing us every day even though the symptoms of healing feel like torture!  

 

Please don't let the length of time it took me to heal scare you.  We are all unique.  Our age, sex, the type of drug and length of time we took it, our underlying physical condition, other stressors in our lives etc, all factor into how and when we heal.    Just know that however long it takes, you WILL heal!  And you can do it.  

 

For me, the suffering made me closer to God, and that is the blessing.   Surrender it all to God and take it one minute, one hour, one day at a time.  🙏🙏

 

Hang in there my friend.   You are doing a great job and I'm so proud of you!  Thanks for reaching out.  Stay safe as well.

 

Sending many prayers for healing and strength and hugs from across the pond 😉❤️🤗

Judy

[Longroadhome]

@Judith

thank you got your reply  much appreciated. 

can I ask why you started on ADs. 
my reason was anxiety and depression and what worries me is that they will remain once everything has healed. 
 

take care 
 

[Judith]

 

Hi @Longroadhome,

 

The only way we can truly heal is to understand who we are at a spiritual level.    We live in a world that medicalizes the normal condition of humanity which involves various degrees of suffering.  Medicine comes up with labels that we think then define us.   Suffering only appears when we believe our thoughts or those labels.  When we awaken to our true selves and know we are not our thoughts, then we open to truth and freedom.  That we are loved and safe and perfect in God's eyes just the way we are.  Our thoughts are powerless unless we believe them.  When we come to realize that there is no pill, or anything else outside us, that can 'fix' what we 'think is wrong with us', because in reality, there is nothing wrong with us, then we are free.  Circumstances outside us can never define us, but that is the human condition - we say it's all because of problems in my life, my marriage, my divorce, my kids acting up, my sense of unworthiness, politics, etc, etc, the list is endless.  We feel powerless and like victims.  But those are only the fears and lies of the ego.  Our scared small self.  Our spiritual selves are always connected to God - who is love, peace, and joy, - but have been covered up by layers of false beliefs about who we really are.  Our work is to uncover those layers and let go of false beliefs.  

 

We also begin to realize that it's our unconscious beliefs that drive us on a conscious level.   Learning how our unconscious beliefs get formed and how to let go of that program is key to our freedom. 

 

There are many, many resources out there to help us change and return to our true selves.  Marianne Williamson is an author and teacher on the principles in A Course of Miracles.  She's written many amazing books that are life changing.  Her book Tears to Triumph is the spiritual journey from suffering to enlightenment.   Highly recommend.  She addresses the 'medicalization' of our normal fears and suffering.  Suffering is only there to teach us if we're willing to learn from it. I heard this quote recently -  The degree to which we resist the lessons we are being asked to learn is the degree to which we suffer.  

 

There are many other spiritual teachers out there from Eckhart Tolle to Ram Dass to Wayne Dyer.   Dr Bruce Lipton's book, The Biology of Belief".  There are many psychiatrists who are sounding the alarm on drugs like Kelly Brogan and Peter Breggin and realize this is a spiritual crisis of humanity, not something a pill can fix.  There is the book everyone should read by Robert Whitaker called Anatomy of an Epidemic, the epidemic being the scary proliferation of psyc drugs that reveals the lies of drug companies who made up a so called 'chemical imbalance' in the brain so they can sell drugs, when there is not one shred of scientific proof of that imbalance, or that the drugs work any better than placebo, but have caused other unintended effects like suicide and the suffering that we all know too well by those of us who are trying or did manage to get off these drugs.  Not only have they not helped but there are more people on mental health disability than ever before. (The imbalance is in our spiritual selves). 

 

Another amazing spiritual teacher the universe has lead me to recently is Aaron Abke.   His ability to convey spiritual concepts in a simple but profound way takes one's understanding to a whole new level.  Check out his YouTube channel which has a lot of amazing content.

 

Hang in there.   Life is a journey and truth will be revealed to us as we are ready to see it.  When the student is ready, the teacher will appear.  Surrender it all to God, the universe, Holy Spirit, whatever name you like, and let it be easy, with complete faith and trust.

 

Love this poem I came across recently by L.R. Knost - Namaste means that my soul acknowledges yours, not just your light, your wisdom, your goodness, but also your darkness, your suffering, your imperfections.  It is a recognition and acceptance of the inexplicable, divine absurdity, the miraculous woven into the ordinary, light and darkness intimately entwined in magical, messy humanity.  It means that I honor all that you are with all that I am.  So, namaste, my fellow travelers.  I'm so glad we're on this trek though the universe together. 

 

With peace and healing,

Judy

 

 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

@Judith

thank you so much for your reply . 
I was also told I had a chemical imbalance for years . 
Over the years I went on and came off Paxil as soon as depression and anxiety surfaced . I was able to over the years with ease. Then in 2004 I started it again and remained on it for years buying into the chemical imbalance rather than trying to help myself . It scared me so taking the pill was much easier . 
anyway I developed tolerance to the drug in 2018. A common problem after years of continuous use. And since then I’ve been tapering and holding on and off . I am determined to be rid of it once and for all . 

thank you for the videos I know they will be really helpful as my mind is stuck in negative mode. As in “will I ever recover” . 
 

many thanks Judy take good care of yourself

 

Elaine 

[KenA]

Thank you so much for sharing your story!!! I'm a little over 8 months in my journey to be mind altering substance free and I still have some pretty hard days!! Reading stories like yours gives me the encouragement and reminder I need to keep on going and never give up!!