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Judith: Healing will happen!

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Judith

Hi @KenA,

 

How nice to hear from you!  Thank you for letting me know that my journey is helping you.  It makes everything I went through worthwhile.  It's the blessing from the suffering.  I am still amazed that I am in this position, because I too thought I would never heal.   I praise God that I can now be encouragement for others to know that they will heal too, no matter how long it takes.  

 

I know you are having a rough time.  But the fact that you do not list all the horrible things you must be experiencing says a lot about you.  That you are focusing on the positive and staying strong and hopeful.  Remember that the true YOU is not suffering, but feeling the effects of our bodies, brains, and nervous systems trying valiantly to come back to homeostasis.   That doesn't mean we don't feel all the associated emotions and physical sensations, but try to consider it normal under the circumstances.   And always remember that with each day that passes you are one day closer to healing!

 

My thoughts and prayers for healing and strength and comfort go out to you, my friend.  You are strong, you can do it!  Always with God's help.  😇🙏❤️

 

Judy   

 

 

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KenA

@Judith

You are sooooo right!! With God's help I will get through this and succeed and be completely healed!! Thank you for responding and your kind words of encouragement!! I will keep at this day by day, and even minute by minute until one day I can share my success story as well :) Please keep me in your prayers!! I truly believe that God has a purpose for me and my story is just getting started!

 

Ken


2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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FarmGirlWorks
On 5/13/2020 at 7:30 AM, Judith said:

Remember that the true YOU is not suffering, but feeling the effects of our bodies, brains, and nervous systems trying valiantly to come back to homeostasis.   That doesn't mean we don't feel all the associated emotions and physical sensations, but try to consider it normal under the circumstances.

 

I LOVE this, @Judith. The concept is familiar but the way you worded it really resonated. Thank you.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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neverknew

to Judith: were you ever able to do anything about your sky high cortisol? I have it, too, and don't know what to do.


On Prozac since 2004, 10 mg 

Began to taper, 2016, first time cold turkey

unsuccessful, so soon after tried again

kept having to go back on medication due to withdrawals

tried to do it myself as couldn't find a dr to help me

Currently on taper #4 from 2016, having changed to Lexapro and starting November 2018 from 5 mg

As of April 2020 I am at 1/5th of a mg (.2 mg)

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Judith
On 5/27/2020 at 12:20 AM, FarmGirlWorks said:

 

I LOVE this, @Judith. The concept is familiar but the way you worded it really resonated. Thank you.

Thank you for saying that @FarmGirlWorks.    I'm glad it helped.  I feel like it's from following Baylissa Frederick and her inspiration and encouragement and the way to look at this.  And also asking Holy Spirit to help me find the right words to give others hope.   None of this is easy but  I guess that's the point.  If it doesn't challenge us, it won't change us.  

 

So proud of you and everyone on here who has seen the light and is working hard and willing to go through hell to become a better, authentic human. It not only raises our own consciousness, but that of the whole world.  Just like it's one day at a time, it's one person at a time.   

 

I see from your notes that you quit alcohol and are in AA.  Congratulations!   Just a word of caution on the kombucha, if you are not already aware.  It has natural alcohol in it from the fermentation process.   I never had an issue with alcohol and don't drink at all because I'm very sensitive to it's effects.  I too really liked kombucha and believed in all it's healing claims.  So I drank a bottle every day probably for a year.   I could feel the effects of the small amount of alcohol but never associated it with the way my brain was feeling because, as you know, it's hard to tell what's causing what in the middle of all the symptoms we experience.  However, I finally stopped drinking it and noticed that my brain was not feeling as tired and my digestion was actually better.   Maybe that was only a connection for me?  but wanted to share in case it might help.  

 

Keep up the good work.  Sending healing hugs and prayers!

Judy

 

 

 

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Judith
18 hours ago, neverknew said:

to Judith: were you ever able to do anything about your sky high cortisol? I have it, too, and don't know what to do.

Hi @neverknew,

 

The high cortisol is a product of our nervous system going into chemical shock as a result of discontinuing the drug it got used to.  Its effect is felt in every part of our body.   And is truly horrible in all its manifestations, as we know.  I tried all kinds supplements  and unfortunately nothing helped.  There are things, however,  that can help calm the nervous system and therefore help in some ways to gradually lower cortisol, such as taking magnesium (I still use a chelated magnesium because it doesn't have a laxative effect like some of the other forms),  deep breathing, being out in nature as much as possible, minimizing any external stress, the usual things we all do to try and relax.   It speeds up the natural process of healing, even if you don't feel much difference.   

 

All healing takes time.  It's just the body's process.  We can't make our fingernails or hair grow faster as much as we'd like to.  It's hard to imagine we can survive the nightmare of symptoms of healing from the effects of these drugs, but given time and patience you will.  Because I was there and I did.  

 

Hang in there!!  You are brave and strong and can do this - always with God's help.  

 

Sending healing wishes and prayers,

Judy

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xyz

Hi Judith

how long did you have the morning cortisol surge? and when did you feel that the anxiety subsided?

thank you so much for the hope!


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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neverknew

I am really not well. I think the anxiety is getting worse. Regular thoughts take a dark, sad turn. Sleep is almost non existent. I'm afraid of almost everything. Afraid that if I do take something to help me sleep, even melatonin, my brain will fight it and those thoughts are really scary! I never get any rest; no peace. I have trouble riding in a car because I always have the desire to move. If I am driving, it is a little better but I get so sleepy I run off the road. And of course, that makes me scared. I have a doctor appointment with an integrative psychiatrist next week, 2 hours away by car and I don't know if I'll be able to do it. I am having visual symptoms and muscle spasms. I can't lay down flat in a bed so I am sleeping in my recliner. It probably would be more comfortable to sleep in the bed. But all I seem to want to do is stand up and move. It is difficult to keep a job this way. I am thinking of increasing the dose of my medicine at least a little. I don't want to go back on it because I would have to stay on it the rest of my life (I'm not going through withdrawal again). And considering it gave me a paradoxical reaction with tachycardia last time I don't even know if it would be safe to go back on. How does anyone EVER get through this? People need hope that things will get better and I try to be positive and pray and believe that God won't let this go on but I just can't believe what hell this is. Will anything help? Unfortunately don't have a doctor who really knows about these things (I don't think those drs exist).  If anyone has any specific encouraging experiences, please reply. I just don't know how much longer I can go on.


On Prozac since 2004, 10 mg 

Began to taper, 2016, first time cold turkey

unsuccessful, so soon after tried again

kept having to go back on medication due to withdrawals

tried to do it myself as couldn't find a dr to help me

Currently on taper #4 from 2016, having changed to Lexapro and starting November 2018 from 5 mg

As of April 2020 I am at 1/5th of a mg (.2 mg)

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Judith

Hello @xyz,

 

Glad you are finding hope in my story!   Makes all the suffering worth while.

 

For me, the cortisol and anxiety were with me for many years during recovery.  It was just a slow gradual process of things calming down and healing.  

 

I know that's not what anyone wants to hear - I didn't either at the time - but it seems to be the way it works.   But everyone is unique and you may find it's different for you.   

 

Sending you may prayers and healing wishes for strength and hope and courage.  Hang in there, you can do it!!  One day at at time, always with God's help.  

 

Judy 

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Judith

Hi @neverknew,

 

I am so sorry for the hell you are experiencing.  I hope it helps to know that everyone is on this website because we have all been through our version of hell too, some more so than others.   It sounds like you have akathisia, the relentless restlessness and need to move and feeling like you're going to jump out of your skin.   It's horrible, but also normal under the circumstances.  And I know, as much as I say all this is 'normal under the circumstances' of getting off these drugs, that doesn't mean it's easy.  

 

And the last thing you want to hear is that it just takes time for your body, brain, and nervous system to return to normal.  But that is most people's experience.  It is truly remarkable that we can survive this nightmare.  I often wondered how or why I was enduring.  Number one was through the grace of God, because no one can endure that on their own.  And also because our desire and the body's need to be free of these drugs is greater than any suffering we may experience in recovery.  We come to realize and accept that the only way out is through.  

 

I agree with you that there are few, if any,  mainstream doctors that even understand any of this.  And I'm also not sure about the integrative psychiatrists either.  I went to one early on.  She basically just gave me a meditation CD.  If it feels like too much trouble or stress to drive all that way to see that integrative psychiatrist then follow your instinct and don't go.  That may only serve to aggravate things and you will end up feeling worse.  

 

Here is a message from Baylissa Frederick, who has been a lifesaver for those in recovery from these drugs.  

 

Today, trust that somehow, you will find the strength to cope with your symptoms, no matter how persistent and severe they may be. Know that they are present only because they are a part of the healing process, and regard them as evidence of healing.

No matter how long it is taking - whether you are early on in your journey or you have been waiting for what feels like too long a time, withdrawal is temporary and when the timing is right for you, it will come to an end. You will be able to move on and resume a normal life.

In the meantime, do what you can to take care of yourself. Even if you don’t feel like it, keep telling yourself that healing is happening and the changes caused to your nervous system by the drug are being reversed. Be as nurturing as you can. Be gentle in what you tell yourself and what you accept as your truth. Don't tell yourself things that you would not say to someone you love and care deeply for.

 

It sounds like a broken record, but hang in there, one moment, one hour, one day at a time, always asking for God's help.  It WILL get better.  I am proof that you can heal after many, many years of nightmarish symptoms.   

 

My heart and prayers go out to you and everyone for healing, strength, comfort and love.

 

Judy

 

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Longroadhome

Thank you Judith for Remaining on  this site to help us. 
it means everything 

you’re so kind 

take care 

LRH


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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xyz

Hi Judith

Can you describe your head buzzing? How long did you have it for? Was it like Tinnitus? Were you able to sleep with it and go to work? 

Thank you for coming back.


june 2014 to feb  2015- on xanax 0.25 to 1mg/day- then CT - jan 2016 - panic attack, went on 3.75mg remeron to sleep march 2016- CT remeron (because it caused me tinnitus)- deep depression, couldn't sleep because of  intrusive Tinnitus

april to june 2016- valium 4mg, xanax as needed, lunesta 3mg

june 2016 - valium 4mg, lexapro 10mg

oct 2016- valium 2mg, lexapro 10mg- hold

march 2017- started daily micro liquid taper of valium and lex- -taper speed 0.0033mg valium daily and 0.033mg lex daily

may 2018- valium 1mg, lexapro 2.4mg - i had to slow down the rate of my daily micro taper considerably

LAST dose of Lexapro: 0.05mg on 05/17/19

LAST dose of valium: 0.04mg on 08/18/19

April 26th 2020- intense panic attack that lasted 4 days, akatisia, 0 sleep- suicidal, almost hospitalized- took rescue doses over 2 days- total: 1.5mg xanax, 18mg valium, 2x5mg lexapro

 

 

 

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neverknew

@Judith  Judith, did you ever have akathisia? If so, how long did it last? It is just getting difficult to work as I'm supposed to sit at a computer all day. I had to clock out today with FMLA. I may need to take disability for this, although I think my long term disability only runs for 5 months. After that, I don't know. I need to be able to keep my health insurance, though. Will anything help akathisia? Magnesium, maybe? Potassium?

 

I had tried some 5-HTP yesterday, 100 mg. I felt really good but then this morning my allergies were acting up so today I only took half the capsule. Very stimulating! I thought I was having a panic attack. Then I remembered I was very hungry so maybe it was the empty stomach. It got a little better but still this urge to move... In the information on this site for 5-HTP, it said one of the side effects could be trouble breathing. Does anyone know what they mean by that or why the substance would cause breathing problems?


On Prozac since 2004, 10 mg 

Began to taper, 2016, first time cold turkey

unsuccessful, so soon after tried again

kept having to go back on medication due to withdrawals

tried to do it myself as couldn't find a dr to help me

Currently on taper #4 from 2016, having changed to Lexapro and starting November 2018 from 5 mg

As of April 2020 I am at 1/5th of a mg (.2 mg)

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Judith

Thank you so much @Longroadhome!   You are so very kind for telling me that. Makes me feel good that the suffering I went through can now be used to help and encourage others.  
 

You will all be there one day-  healed and helping others!  

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Judith

Hello @xyz & @neverknew

 

The head buzzing was not tinnitus, but more like a buzzing of anxiety or nerves being repaired. It’s hard to explain, especially now that I’m healed - it’s hard to remember exactly how it was.  
 

I did work part time. Not sure how I did it with the dozens of symptoms but somehow by the grace of God I did.  
 

Most of your other questions can be answered by reading through my earlier posts which explains my experience in detail.   
 

My heart and healing wishes go out to all of you. You remain in my prayers. Hang in there,-  time and patience and acceptance of what’s happening is everything.  Always with God’s help. 🙏❤️😇
 

Judy 

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Amira123

Hello @Judith your story is very inspiring, thank you for sharing it!

have you recovered completley from the despersonalization and cognitive issues? Do you feel connected to life now? Are you able to think clearly?


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Elyssa143

@Judith how are you sweet lady? Hope your doing well! I’m definitely improving and having easier days and much more normal times. But definitely still very much in withdrawal and struggle. Coming up on 28 months here soon. My waves consist of really bad inner akasthia a horrid feeling of inner restlessness in my chest stomach that automatically make me feel like I want to die crawl out of my skin and then of course here come the intrusive si. My waves do seem to be not lasting as long. Can u relate to this feeling? I feel pretty screwed up feeling like this so far out. I did get some lab tests back come to find out my iron is super low and so is my thyroid. Not sure what I want to do about those yet. I’m so traumatized. I have an appointment with Baylissa today to talk to her. I really hope I’m going to continue on improving. Looking for some reassurance. Again hope your doing well!!!!


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Longroadhome
37 minutes ago, Elyssa143 said:

@Judith how are you sweet lady? Hope your doing well! I’m definitely improving and having easier days and much more normal times. But definitely still very much in withdrawal and struggle. Coming up on 28 months here soon. My waves consist of really bad inner akasthia a horrid feeling of inner restlessness in my chest stomach that automatically make me feel like I want to die crawl out of my skin and then of course here come the intrusive si. My waves do seem to be not lasting as long. Can u relate to this feeling? I feel pretty screwed up feeling like this so far out. I did get some lab tests back come to find out my iron is super low and so is my thyroid. Not sure what I want to do about those yet. I’m so traumatized. I have an appointment with Baylissa today to talk to her. I really hope I’m going to continue on improving. Looking for some reassurance. Again hope your doing well!!!!

Elyssa

I’ve read different postings from yourself here and there and I can tell from your wording that you definitely are improving . And that is great. 
how often do you get windows And how long do they last ? 

and how long do your waves last? 
and did you have waves and windows from the beginning ? 
I also have an appointment with Baylissa next Monday.  How did you get on ? 
LRH 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Elyssa143

Hey @Longestroadhome how are you doing? Can you really? Wow that makes me want to cry. I’m finally at a point where I can for sure see the improvements it’s been indescribable horrific hell. One day I hope to write my success story. So I think I’ve always had the windows and wave patterns but never had a full window. It was and is more like horrible, horrific less horrible. Until recently where I’ve been having more normal times. I think I’ve always improved but it was hell within hell persay vs bad and then good. I think I just recently had a “good” day. My horrific times used to last well over 2 weeks and then it went back to horrible. The last two months I’ve had really tough days maybe 3-5 really hard days. Easier days then not the best days? Not really sure on that. I’m so scared for the ball to drop. The horrific times are definitely less. But I’m severely traumatized. And it’s hard to believe what I’ve been through and this is not my first protracted but this is 100x worse. And was only on the med low dose for a year. I still really struggle and I’m never symptom free but al in all does seem to be improving. I just wish the suicidal stuff was gone by now. It’s very traumatizing for me. You’ll get there. We all will


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Judith

Hi sweetie! @Elyssa143,

 

I am so happy to hear from you! You’re on my list of people to check in with.  I am glad to hear you are feeling some improvements.  I’m sorry you’re still going through some of the same stuff.  I am proud of your ability to cope with all this in healthy ways.  
 

I know how traumatizing all this is. I felt the same way. And when I could finally tell I was pretty much recovered I still felt traumatized by it all. But be reassured that even that left after a few months time.  
 

That’s awesome that you have an appointment with Baylissa! She is the best -  you will feel reassured and strengthened in your determination & look at this from a higher vantage point.   
 

Even though you’ve been in recovery for years, just like I was,  rest assured that every day that passes you are one day closer to complete recovery and freedom. You will be so thrilled and proud of yourself - just like I am with you and your bravery and tenacity.  

 

Hang in there my friend!  You can do it -  your time is near.  

 

sending prayers of healing and comfort & love to you 🙏😇❤️😘

 

Judy

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Judith

Hi @Amira123

 

How nice to hear from you! And thank you for your kind words that my story is helping. It’s one of the blessings that come from all the suffering. Reassuring others that they can survive this and recover no matter how long it takes.  
 

yes I did finally recover from the depersonalization and cognitive issues. As you can see from my experience it was just a slow gradual process of improvement over many years.   I feel mostly connected to life at this point. However I think life in general is a roller coaster of feeling connected and feeling a little bit disconnected and that’s perfectly normal at this point.  
 

The importance of accepting and patience during this process cannot be overstated. It doesn’t mean that any of it’s pleasant but it’s trying to normalize the process of allowing your nervous system and brain to heal from these drugs, no matter how long it takes, that’s vital.  
 

so proud of you for wanting freedom from these drugs and doing whatever it takes to be free!

 

sending many prayers and healing wishes and comfort and love🙏😇❤️😘

 

Judy 

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Longroadhome
1 hour ago, Elyssa143 said:

Hey @Longestroadhome how are you doing? Can you really? Wow that makes me want to cry. I’m finally at a point where I can for sure see the improvements it’s been indescribable horrific hell. One day I hope to write my success story. So I think I’ve always had the windows and wave patterns but never had a full window. It was and is more like horrible, horrific less horrible. Until recently where I’ve been having more normal times. I think I’ve always improved but it was hell within hell persay vs bad and then good. I think I just recently had a “good” day. My horrific times used to last well over 2 weeks and then it went back to horrible. The last two months I’ve had really tough days maybe 3-5 really hard days. Easier days then not the best days? Not really sure on that. I’m so scared for the ball to drop. The horrific times are definitely less. But I’m severely traumatized. And it’s hard to believe what I’ve been through and this is not my first protracted but this is 100x worse. And was only on the med low dose for a year. I still really struggle and I’m never symptom free but al in all does seem to be improving. I just wish the suicidal stuff was gone by now. It’s very traumatizing for me. You’ll get there. We all will

Thank you for reply 

you most definitely ARE improving Elyssa! 
and how brave you are letting recovery happen and not going back on the meds ! 
have you been on medication before then ? as you talk about another protracted WD. 
do you have anxiety and depression symptoms? 
I really get what you mean about awful and less awful days/weeks. that’s like me . I thought I wasn’t getting windows and waves because there is no clear separation of the two but you have described it perfectly . 
ive never been symptom free either that’s what partly fooled me that I was having no windows. 

have you had a lot of symptoms ? 
What did you think of your phone appointment with Baylissa ? 
You won’t go back you have no need to worry And you have shown strength and courage as you have had very bad waves and come through them . Stay positive you may not think it but you are getting there . 
this is a very slow up and down road . 
but we do all make it to recovery . 
have you had support ? 

 

 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Amira123
35 minutes ago, Judith said:

Hi @Amira123

 

How nice to hear from you! And thank you for your kind words that my story is helping. It’s one of the blessings that come from all the suffering. Reassuring others that they can survive this and recover no matter how long it takes.  
 

yes I did finally recover from the depersonalization and cognitive issues. As you can see from my experience it was just a slow gradual process of improvement over many years.   I feel mostly connected to life at this point. However I think life in general is a roller coaster of feeling connected and feeling a little bit disconnected and that’s perfectly normal at this point.  
 

The importance of accepting and patience during this process cannot be overstated. It doesn’t mean that any of it’s pleasant but it’s trying to normalize the process of allowing your nervous system and brain to heal from these drugs, no matter how long it takes, that’s vital.  
 

so proud of you for wanting freedom from these drugs and doing whatever it takes to be free!

 

sending many prayers and healing wishes and comfort and love🙏😇❤️😘

 

Judy 

Thank you for your reply. It is very reassuring and gives me hope one day the WD horror will be over

 

 

Sending you love ❤️


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Longroadhome
20 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

Thank you for reply @Elyssa143

you most definitely ARE improving Elyssa! 
and how brave you are letting recovery happen and not going back on the meds ! 
have you been on medication before then ? as you talk about another protracted WD. 
do you have anxiety and depression symptoms? 
I really get what you mean about awful and less awful days/weeks. that’s like me . I thought I wasn’t getting windows and waves because there is no clear separation of the two but you have described it perfectly . 
ive never been symptom free either that’s what partly fooled me that I was having no windows. 

have you had a lot of symptoms ? 
What did you think of your phone appointment with Baylissa ? 
You won’t go back you have no need to worry And you have shown strength and courage as you have had very bad waves and come through them . Stay positive you may not think it but you are getting there . 
this is a very slow up and down road . 
but we do all make it to recovery . 
have you had support ? 

 

 

 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Longroadhome
On 6/12/2020 at 5:55 PM, Judith said:

Hello @xyz,

 

Glad you are finding hope in my story!   Makes all the suffering worth while.

 

For me, the cortisol and anxiety were with me for many years during recovery.  It was just a slow gradual process of things calming down and healing.  

 

I know that's not what anyone wants to hear - I didn't either at the time - but it seems to be the way it works.   But everyone is unique and you may find it's different for you.   

 

Sending you may prayers and healing wishes for strength and hope and courage.  Hang in there, you can do it!!  One day at at time, always with God's help.  

 

Judy 

Hi @Judith

did you have anxiety constantly over those years like 24/7? Did you have better days ? Also morning cortisol surge ? 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Judith

Hi @Longroadhome,

 

Yes, I did have high anxiety 24/7 over those years.  And I had massive cortisol spikes in the morning.  And I probably only had three days during all those years that were better.   It was like Groundhog Day.  You can read more of the details of my experience in my earlier posts.  

 

It’s stinks and I know that’s not what anyone wants to hear about how long it lasts. But everyone is also unique and just because mine lasted as long as it did doesn’t mean anyone else’s will.  But as I keep repeating unfortunately just takes a lot of time to re-normalize our nervous systems. Just keep telling yourself all these horrible symptoms are just part of the process of healing.  
 

AND IT WILL HAPPEN!!   Hang onto faith & hope.  Always with God’s help.  🙏😇❤️😘

 

with angel blessings 😇

 

Judy 

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Longroadhome

Thank you @Judith

i really appreciate your continued support on this site 

I had a telephone conversation with Baylissa Frederick last week and i spoke about a lady on the site (you) who highly recommended her books and website . 
She was  flattered!! 
 

you’re an angel to keep coming back and posting 

 

god bless you 

 

LRH 
 


October 2004 -  October 2018 Paxil 20mg

October 2018 - November 2018 15mg Paxil 

Nov 2018 -  2x50 mg Pregabalin to help with Paxil WD

December 2018 - January 2019 10mg Paxil  

January 2019 - February 2019  7.5mg Paxil crashed 

February 2019 - 8.5mg Paxil

August 2019 - stopped both meds for 2.5 days meltdown 

August 2019 -  daily: 50mg Pregabalin April 2020 45mg May 40mg June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg

Nov 2019 - 8mg Paxil, March 2020 7.2mg April 6.5mg May 5.9mg June 5.4mg July 4.8mg

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Judith

Hi @Longroadhome

 

Thank you for your kind words sweetie. I think that’s awesome you got to talk to Baylissa. She’s an angel to all of us.  I know she gave you encouragement and inspiration and hope and lots of coping techniques.  
 

You will make it - Hang in there! 
 

with love & healing prayers , 

Judy

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Amira123

Hello @Judith, i have been feeling down and hopeless the past couple of days and i came back to read your reply to my question to have some hope

 

 

I want to ask you one more question, did you suffer from emotion numbness, like you can't feel any joy, peace or love? Just a blank mind and free of any positive thoughts, only horrible thoughts? Did you feel you are unable to think of any creative thoughts?

did you feel like this will never go away? 

 

 

Thanks 💞


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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mustafa
24 minutes ago, Amira123 said:

Hello @Judith, i have been feeling down and hopeless the past couple of days and i came back to read your reply to my question to have some hope

 

 

I want to ask you one more question, did you suffer from emotion numbness, like you can't feel any joy, peace or love? Just a blank mind and free of any positive thoughts, only horribke thoughts? Did you feel you are unable to think of any creative thoughts?

did you feel like this will never go away? 

 

 

Thanks 💞

That happened for almost all of survivors amira including me.


i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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Judith

Hi dear @Amira123

 

The answer to all your concerns is yes, yes, and yes.   @mustafa also confirms.  It is unfortunately everyone’s experience in the recovery process. It’s just that our receptors have not been fully restored to the chemicals that are naturally there to make us feel good - and the results are exactly what you’re feeling now. It’s horrible and scary.  Try to remember it’s not real and just part of the healing process and it’s not who we truly are. 
 

and that’s why I have come back to reassure people that given enough time and patience that you will be feeling “normal“ again.  Your brain and nervous system are healing a little bit every day. Our job is to continue to ask God for courage and strength and hope and healing to hang on during the process knowing it will have a great outcome.

 

So proud of everyone on here who is willing to endure this torture in order to free our bodies and souls.  
 

Sending many many blessings and thousands of angels for love and comfort to each and everyone. 🙏😇❤️🙏😇❤️🙏😇❤️
 

Judy 

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mustafa

@Judith, iam so sorry that I gave a reply before u although amira asked u; just I know amira personally so iam again so sorry ❤.


i wasn't on a certain drug all the period. i took many drugs many times and for no very long period but to simplify.

--fluvoxamine maleate100 mg + amisulpride 200mg------started july 2012 and total taper in february 2015 ( 9 months without drugs then)

--sertraline 100mg -------started november 2015 and total taper (withoud reduction slowly) in november 2016( 4 months withoud drugs then).

--sertraline 100mg + quetiabine 25mg ( started in mars 2016 and for 7 months) then fluvoxamine maleate 100mg again for another 7months and after that a something like to use every drug for 14 days and for about 1.5 years.

--my last drug was trintellix 10 mg ( used it in 12/2018and total taper in 4/2019).

symptomts i have now ( bad concentration and problems in short and long memory+ bad depersonalization).

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Amira123

@Judith that's very reassuring and encouraging, i will keep your reply on mu phonr and i will read it again and again to remind my self that this is temporary although it is hard to believe sometimes. Thank you. Sending you love 💞

 

@mustafa thank you mustafa for the reassurance, i have sent you a message :)


Cymbalta 30 mg- 60 mg 

June 2016- October 2018 ( Cold Turkey) 

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Judith

Thank you @Amira123 for your kind words.  Hang in there - you will make it!! 🙏😇❤️😘 

 

and my dear @mustafa, there are no apologies needed my friend!!   We are all here to help & encourage & that’s exactly what you are doing.  Everyone’s input is equally valid & needed & sent with love 💞. We are one 🙏😇🌈❤️😘

 

Blessings to everyone on our journeys 🙏😇🌈❤️😘

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Elyssa143

@Judith

how are you my friend? I hope your doing so well! How is Covid situation up there!? I am 29 months next week, definitely better! Still struggle so much. But I’ve been having nice glimpses lately of feeling better. No full windows. But definitely better. Same symptoms dread, inner aka, si, intrusive suicidal thoughts, feeling of wanting to die, thoughts of life not being worth it, anhedonia and depression, fear. Of course I’m still so afraid of what the future holds and I’m waiting to get to a place where I am confident in my healing and know it’s happening and won’t fear not making it. I have groundhogs day every day but even that is better. I can’t believe I’m almost 3 years here soon and I’m still dealing with the really tough stuff. Looking for some reassurance still! Hugs to you and thanks for all you do!!


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Judith

Hi my dear @Elyssa143!

 

so nice to hear from you sweetie! You have been on my mind lately and was wondering how you are doing. 
 

I am doing well!   Because of the virus I’ve been able to stay at a lakeside Inn in New York State  for the last six weeks which has been a big slice of heaven.  The inn where I’m staying had a lot of cancellations and we were offered the deal of a lifetime.  I’m in the last few days here and will return to home this weekend.  Feel like I’m in a bubble here however I’m reminded of Covid because of all the mask wearing that’s required. 
 

hope you are navigating Covid OK. Florida is a real hotbed. My son lives in South Florida.  
 

I am so happy to hear you are feeling slight improvements!  I know it’s still really hard and I know you still wonder all the time if it will ever end. That was exactly my experience. Feels like you’re healing one molecule at a time. That’s why I’m here to encourage you and everyone that given enough time and patience your brain and nervous system will get back to normal.   It does feel like Groundhog Day. But then slowly you look back over the last few weeks and months and realize that things are slightly better and you’re on the right path.  And then one day hopefully soon you will realize that the healing has happened - and even when you think it’s done it gets better all the time.   
 

so our job always is to remain in hope. Always asking God and the angels for strength, courage,  patience, acceptance. And a true knowing that this is just your body healing and it’s not really you —  beautiful you is still there.  Reminding ourselves all the time of how brave we are to do this to be free.  

so continue to do as many “normal“ things you can - which I realize is rather difficult right now with Covid.  And be in nature as much as you can.   Try different breathing techniques. There are many YouTube videos on this.  
 

sending many hugs to you my friend. 🤗🤗  And many healing blessings that you may feel the comfort of angels around you & always be embraced in God’s loving mercy. Remember that nothing can ever separate us from God‘s love because that’s who we are.  
 

stay in touch 🙏❤️😇😘❤️

Judy 

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