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Judith: Healing will happen!


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@Judith 

Hey Judith how are you doing?! Well I hope . How’s the whole Covid situation up there? Have the seasons changed yet? I bet it’s beautiful up there. I’m coming up on 31 months here and getting super discouraged. 😩 the inner akasthia (internal restlessness) is horrific makes me feel like I need to crawl out of my skin and kill myself its absolutely awful, then I have still the suicidal intrusive thoughts and intrusive thoughts like about life being worth it , what’s the point in all this, is it ever going to get better, all of that. Then depression kicks in and I get pretty low and get scared about not making it. I have new puppies on the ground which is a much better experience than last year so I know healing is happening just extremely slow. I’m just really scared and discouraged that I’m this far out still with the akasthia and suicidal stuff :( it’s exhausting to feel like I want to die frequently when I don’t. I am definitely more functional! Which is good but mentally I still really struggle, I have been working out too which has been a nice distraction. The kids are at home on line so that’s going well. Overall I try to be greatful that I am slowly improving and some symptoms are gone but the most distressing ones are still here and I get so scared 😭 I hope your well! My brain often tells me I’m damaged forever and I’ll just have to learn how to live like this and I fear I won’t be able to. Hugs to you look forward to hearing back! 

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Hello! @Elyssa143

 

it’s so good to hear from you! You were on my list of people to check in with. Although it saddens me greatly to hear that you’re still struggling so much sweetie 😞.  What impresses me about you is how strong and loving and caring you can be in the midst of the hell you are also experiencing. You have a good understanding of being the observer of all your symptoms and trying to detach from them while living your beautiful normal grateful life. Which is key to getting through all this. 😇❤️ 

 

Because what we cling to - with the grace of God 🙏  is the knowing that this is temporary. And that with each day you are one day closer to complete healing. You know from talking to Baylissa and following her that she has counseled thousands of people who have been exactly where you are, and where I was,  and they recovered, just like I did. I was also in a very  protracted recovery. And things just slowly slowly started improving.

 

but I feel your pain and exhaustion and overwhelm and my heart and prayers goes out to you.   you are not damaged forever - even though our healing brain likes to tell us that. It’s still not working properly. But it will.   God only knows how we survive any of this. But we do. And I’m so proud of you and the way you are handling everything. Only the truly brave and strong can do this and you are among them. 💪🏻
 

Nice to hear you’re able to work out again! I know for me that was a turning point when I felt like I was getting a little more energy and could  start doing things like that again. 

 

glad you are holding up as best you can with all this Covid madness. My grandkids were also doing school at home, however they just opened the schools in their district again - they are thrilled to be back to school.   
 

did you say you also have puppies! How sweet that’s a fun distraction. 🐶 

 

We are still enjoying the last gasps of summer here. it’s been beautiful.   The leaves are just barely starting to turn.   I need to start making my plans to go to Florida in January February. Hope I can find somewhere to stay during this Covid madness.  I love Florida! 🌴🌸☀️🌈
 

I saved so many of the Baylissa’s messages because they helped me so much. Here’s one of them that I hope helps you too: 
 

You are stronger than you know. The fact that you are still holding on means that there is something deep within you - let's call it your human will and determination - that will see you through to recovery. If you are doubting your ability to cope, just remember how much you have already had to deal with. You may think you have no more strength to keep you going, but know that the strength always comes. No matter how intense things are or how weary or drained you may be feeling, trust that you will find ways to manage, to overcome, and to nurture yourself while you are healing.
 
Because of this innate courage and strength, you persevere. So many people tend to give up and go back on the drug or try new ones. It takes immeasurable strength and perseverance to get through withdrawal. You are doing it. You are heroic. No matter how scared you are, how uncertain, how vulnerable you feel, you always keep going.
 
This is what you must continue to do. Don't lose hope. Don't give up. No matter how long you have been holding on, the day will come when your healing will finally be completed. You must continue until this time arrives. Yes, one day, just when the timing is right for you, the symptoms will all abate, never to return. You will know that you are healed and you will be able to exhale and to put this experience behind you.
 
Remember, you are stronger than you realize. Keep going. You will make it. 

So many hugs and love and prayers go out to you sweetie. May you feel the comfort of your angels always nearby giving you strength and hope and courage.  😇🙏. Reach out anytime you need encouragement.

 

Judy 

 

Here’s a beautiful lake Erie sunset that we are privileged to see from our place.  😍

148E0A8F-72BA-4EDE-A2D0-70586ED5BDD1.jpeg

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/20/2019 at 6:11 AM, Judith said:

Greetings to all!  It took 5 years for my brain and nervous system to rebalance and heal after taking Effexor for 14 years.  Nasty stuff. One of the hardest to discontinue. But it is possible! I tried to d/c it a few times over those 14 years but had to keep going back on it because I couldn't function. I didn't understand enough about withdrawal and how all this works. But as we all know we reach a point where our souls know we do not need this drug and will do whatever it takes to get off it and stay off it. It's a ride through hell that's for sure but you can do it!!

 

As we all know, it's a lot worse at the beginning of withdrawal. I only had about 3 days of windows over the years. But I could feel symptoms slowly getting better over the last year till it starts being noticeable that the crud may still be there but it's more manageable. And the last 6 months it kept improving until I couldn't believe that the buzzing in my head was gone and the fear and anxiety were gone. The brain fog and fatigue also slowly start improving. There may always be a little residual fatigue and brain fog but I'm also 66 yrs old - ha!  

 

We have no idea how brave we are to go through this to live an authentic life drug free.  It finally happened this year around May.  And as you know it was many years of a nightmare I could not have imagined. But it will happen!! I am here as proof. I have my life back and am finally able to travel to see my family out of town and live a normal life again.  Acceptance, perseverance, surrender, humor, love - it's all part of living each day well.  Just continue to take care of yourself the best you can.  Walking in nature is SO HEALING. That is what saved me.  And taking every stress out that you possibly can. And lots and lots of prayer. My heart goes out to you - Hang in there - you will make it.  🙏😘

 

On 12/26/2019 at 9:07 AM, Judith said:

I tapered over a 2 month period.  Effexor comes in capsules with tiny pellets, so I would just reduce it slowly by breaking open the capsules and taking out some pellets.  As I have come to learn I probably should have taken a lot longer to taper.  But it also may not have made much difference.  😘

Hi Judith,

 

Congratulations for finally being off the Effexor Beast! You are so awesome.

 

You mentioned you probably should have done a longer taper but it may have not made much difference. I've been doing the whole 10% of current dose at 4-6 weeks and have been doing that method for the past 3 years. But I've had to endure many symptoms for 1 1/2 years of that even currently despite the slow taper system. I even up-dosed once only to find temporary relief for just 1 month before the symptoms came back again. So for me the whole updose and hold didn't really work. It was at that time I I came to the idea that it doesn't make a difference cause I'm facing all these symptoms already so what's the difference and I kept doing down my tapering schedule despite having symptoms.  Currently at 3 mg of Effexor which honestly has no therapeutic benefit at this point. Sleep is one of my bigger issues and symptoms. Did you just persevere through it or take any remedies for sleep?

Effexor XR 37.5mg (1st time 2003-2004 / 2nd time 2007-2008 / 3rd time 2010-current) Attempted to get off again in July of 2015 and did a year long taper only to reinstate by June 2016 due to failed taper. By July 2017 started to give this another try.

 

7.01.17 - 37.5mg fast forward to 3.25.18 - 26 mg  / 4.27.18 - 23.4 mg  / 5.20.18 - 21 mg  / 6.24.18 - 18.9 mg / 9.7.18 - 17 mg  / 10.13.18 - 15 mg / 11.10.18 - 13.5 mg 12.24.18 - 12 mg / 2.10.19 - 11 mg  / 3.6.19 - Updose to 13 mg and was better only for a month so decided to continue with tapering process. / 5.18.19 - 12 mg / 6.12.19 - 11 mg  / 7.7.19 - 11 mg  / 8.22.19 - 10 mg  / 10.4.19 - 9 mg   / 11.29.19 - 8.5mg / 12.16.19 - 8 mg / 1.24.20 - 7.5mg / 3.15.20 - 6.5mg / 3.29.20 - 6 mgs / 5.9.20  - 5.5 mgs / 5.23.20 - 5 mgs / 6.29.20 - 4.5 mgs / 7.10.20 - 4.25mgs / 7.24.20 - 4 mgs / 8.18.20 - 3.75mg / 9.1.20 - 3.5 mgs / 9.29.20 - 3 mgs but Horrendous insomnia suddenly appear preventing further tapering.

 

10.9.20 - Effexor Updose to 3.5mg

10.18.20 - Effexor Updose to 4 - 4.5 mg but no relief and insomnia got worse so.....

11.04.20 Effexor jump! with direct switch to Prozac 10mg.

12.4 - prozac 7.5mg 

12.20 - prozac 4mg 

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Hi @whatshappening,

 

So nice to hear from you!  Thanks for your kind words.  You are also awesome for even trying to be drug free and enduring hell to get to the other side.   

 

So sorry that you are still going through the nightmare of recovering from these drugs.  Fast taper, slow taper, no one really knows how these drugs work or their effect on each individual's physiology, so it's anyone's guess.   My experience with sleep was one of wired and tired.  Went to bed exhausted, somehow slept, but didn't feel rested, and woke up exhausted and with a huge spike in cortisol which caused massive anxiety and GI issues, etc, etc.   I tried a few things such as phosphatidyl serine and various forms of magnesium.  They didn't do anything that I could detect at the time  But I do still take magnesium which, as you probably know, is calming to the nervous system.  Use chelated magnesium with lysine glycinate to avoid a laxative effect.   

 

From my experience supplements and other things that might help under 'normal' circumstances, either don't have an effect or may be exacerbated as your brain and nervous system are valiantly trying to restabilize after becoming dependent on a drug.  

 

I wish I had a better answer for you.   But am sending many prayers and blessings for your continued strength, courage, perseverance, hope, and faith that with enough time and patience, you WILL heal and get through this.   I know you can do it!!!  May you feel the comfort of your angels all around you. 😇🙏❤️😘

 

Judy

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3 hours ago, Judith said:

Hi @whatshappening,

 

So nice to hear from you!  Thanks for your kind words.  You are also awesome for even trying to be drug free and enduring hell to get to the other side.   

 

So sorry that you are still going through the nightmare of recovering from these drugs.  Fast taper, slow taper, no one really knows how these drugs work or their effect on each individual's physiology, so it's anyone's guess.   My experience with sleep was one of wired and tired.  Went to bed exhausted, somehow slept, but didn't feel rested, and woke up exhausted and with a huge spike in cortisol which caused massive anxiety and GI issues, etc, etc.   I tried a few things such as phosphatidyl serine and various forms of magnesium.  They didn't do anything that I could detect at the time  But I do still take magnesium which, as you probably know, is calming to the nervous system.  Use chelated magnesium with lysine glycinate to avoid a laxative effect.   

 

From my experience supplements and other things that might help under 'normal' circumstances, either don't have an effect or may be exacerbated as your brain and nervous system are valiantly trying to restabilize after becoming dependent on a drug.  

 

I wish I had a better answer for you.   But am sending many prayers and blessings for your continued strength, courage, perseverance, hope, and faith that with enough time and patience, you WILL heal and get through this.   I know you can do it!!!  May you feel the comfort of your angels all around you. 😇🙏❤️😘

 

Judy

Awww thank you for the kind and encouraging words Judith. After 4 straight days of little to no sleep and trying various remedies and even contemplating updosing or different medications. I finally nodded off after 5am this morning with about 3-4 hours sleep. It's times like this that give me a confidence boost and makes me keep on persevering. I know only time will heal but it's really about me getting into a different mindset about sleep and not give the Insomnia beast any power (easier said than done)

 

I have my faith and I keep praying to the lord for strength. While we can't change our circumstances we can ask the lord to help change us and our mindset to be better able to handle challenges. This whole tapering journey I always ask the lord for epiphanies with thought changing statements to get through whatever current symptom I'm facing and he has always delivered them to me.

Effexor XR 37.5mg (1st time 2003-2004 / 2nd time 2007-2008 / 3rd time 2010-current) Attempted to get off again in July of 2015 and did a year long taper only to reinstate by June 2016 due to failed taper. By July 2017 started to give this another try.

 

7.01.17 - 37.5mg fast forward to 3.25.18 - 26 mg  / 4.27.18 - 23.4 mg  / 5.20.18 - 21 mg  / 6.24.18 - 18.9 mg / 9.7.18 - 17 mg  / 10.13.18 - 15 mg / 11.10.18 - 13.5 mg 12.24.18 - 12 mg / 2.10.19 - 11 mg  / 3.6.19 - Updose to 13 mg and was better only for a month so decided to continue with tapering process. / 5.18.19 - 12 mg / 6.12.19 - 11 mg  / 7.7.19 - 11 mg  / 8.22.19 - 10 mg  / 10.4.19 - 9 mg   / 11.29.19 - 8.5mg / 12.16.19 - 8 mg / 1.24.20 - 7.5mg / 3.15.20 - 6.5mg / 3.29.20 - 6 mgs / 5.9.20  - 5.5 mgs / 5.23.20 - 5 mgs / 6.29.20 - 4.5 mgs / 7.10.20 - 4.25mgs / 7.24.20 - 4 mgs / 8.18.20 - 3.75mg / 9.1.20 - 3.5 mgs / 9.29.20 - 3 mgs but Horrendous insomnia suddenly appear preventing further tapering.

 

10.9.20 - Effexor Updose to 3.5mg

10.18.20 - Effexor Updose to 4 - 4.5 mg but no relief and insomnia got worse so.....

11.04.20 Effexor jump! with direct switch to Prozac 10mg.

12.4 - prozac 7.5mg 

12.20 - prozac 4mg 

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Hi @whatshappening

 

So glad to hear you at least got a little sleep!  It must just be horrendous to not sleep.   
 

i’m so impressed with your wonderful and faithful attitude through all this. I give all credit to the grace of God just as you are doing. One of the blessings of going through all the suffering is it makes you closer to God & remembering our true nature. You expressed it beautifully.   With God’s help to keep you strong, you WILL make it!!!!  🙏😇❤️😘

 

reach out for encouragement anytime.  

 

Hugs, 🤗

Judy

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  • 6 months later...

@Judith hello Judith! How are you doing these days? :) thinking about you checking in!

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Hi @Elyssa143,

 

So good to hear from you my Florida friend!  I've been meaning to check in with you and see how you are doing.  I hope and pray you are feeling some improvements.

 

I've been good despite everything.  Didn't make it to Florida for a few months this winter but am going to Naples, FL the beginning of May for 9 days.  Can't wait!  Especially since we just had another small blast of winter the last few days here in CLE with some areas getting 6 inches of snow!  

 

I traveled more last year than I had in many years and was fine through everything.  Then in December while home and settled ended up getting covid somewhere around here - who know where - grocery store?   It was just a medium case of flu - no lung or breathing issues - and I weathered it and am fine. The thing that lingers the longest is the fatigue.  I give my intelligent body and immune system gratitude all the time for working so hard and handling things so well!  (even though there's always something I'm asking body to let me know what it needs to help with - aches, stiffness, digestion issues, fatigue, mysterious rashes, etc, etc, - haha!).  I'm also just getting old 😉

 

Are your kids back to in person school?  How are the puppies?  And most of all I'm eager to hear how you are doing!

 

Thanks for staying in touch.  Sending many prayers and blessings for healing and comfort and strength and hope.  😇🙏❤️

 

Hugs,

Judy

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@Judith 

thanks so much for replying! I’m glad to hear your so well and glad to hear covid didn’t bring you down too much! I’m coming up on 38 months! It’s insane to think about it. I do still struggle but I’m having much easier times and symptoms don’t seem to be as horribly intense. But as soon as they start up again it’s awful. The si, feeling of wanting to die/kill myself, inner restlessness in my stomach/chest area. I get scared the up and down back and forth this is permanent and this is just the extent of my healing 😔 but I’m able to do a lot more self talk. Life seems to be a bit more “normal” I’m definitely doing more but I still struggle inside. It’s still scary but not at all like it once was. Things seem to be ever so slowly progressing forward. Very traumatized and discouraged I just wish the suicidal stuff was gone but hopefully one day soon! I look forward to hearing back from you! Hope you have a great time in Florida! Yes my kids are back in school! And yes I have puppies now :) 

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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@Elyssa143,

 

Glad to hear there are some improvements.  But sorry to hear that there are still scary symptoms.  It is traumatizing.  I admire your bravery and your ability to be the observer - knowing it's part of the journey of healing, as awful as it is.  And that this WILL pass.  That's what I'm here to remind you of - that I was also taking years to heal and it was very slow, but eventually your nervous system gradually normalizes and the symptoms lessen and then disappear.  Even the trauma of it all eventually fades.  

 

So proud of you for hanging in there.  And for being such a bright spirit despite everything you are going through - that's very special.  Just keep living as normally as you can.  Always with God's help and grace.  And lots of help from our angels! 😇❤️🙏

 

Stay in touch my dear,

Many blessings & hugs.......

 

 

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  • 6 months later...

hi my friend! How are you doing? I’m 43 months into this and  41 completely pharma free! What an accomplishment! I am better overall of course but still no where near 100%. I still struggle but more functional nothing like the first 3 years. This has been my best year yet but had tons of tough life things happen which are minimal comparatively speaking as I’m sure you can relate. I still struggle with the dreaded si, depression and inner aka in my chest. And back to my normal anxiety/panic but again nothing like it was it’s just so frustrating because then my brain goes to the dark place. But it’s not coping like I was 24/7 at all. It’s just still hard si stuff and aka will never ever be easy for me. But I try to be greatful for the improvements. Working on some other health issues as well that are underlying. Looking forward to hearing back from you! Hugs to you!

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Hi @Elyssa143,

 

So good to hear from you my friend! Thank you for the update. I am so proud of your accomplishments!  Even though you are still having some tough symptoms. It’s very frustrating.  I so admire the way that you continue to do your best to be grateful & acknowledge improvements and try and stay positive.  That’s certainly not easy - as we know this is an extremely challenging situation.  
 

Also sending hope and prayers that the underlying health issues get resolved. It’s certainly a lot to deal with.  🙏❤️
 

I have been good. Went to visit my youngest son and family in Saint George Utah a few weeks ago. What a beautiful area had a great time. ❤️
 

Going to Florida for a week beginning of December. Can’t wait for that. Wish I could stay the winter! 
 

You are a special, bright spirit. Hang on to hope and know that God & your angels and guides are always with you.   Let me know how you are doing.  

 

Sending love & hugs & prayers 🙏😇🤗🙏❤️😘

Judy

 

I saved this message from Baylissa from Bloom in Wellness: 💝

 

You are stronger than you think. We know that withdrawal is complex and cruel, but you must believe that you can make it through to the end. As challenging as it is, it won’t break you.  Nothing is going to happen that is life threatening. Once you are emotionally safe, you will get to the finishing line. Just like you have managed in the past, the strength that brought you this far will take you the rest of the way.

Don’t underestimate your resilience and the potential of the human body to heal. Whether you are still tapering, you have come off the drug and are in withdrawal, or you have been suffering for longer than anticipated, you will heal.

You are going to be okay. You won’t break. Remember those before you who were once where you are now. They made it to the other side and you will too. One day the symptoms will disappear, never to return, and you will be able to celebrate your recovery.

The storm clouds will drift away and the sun will shine down on you again. Be patient and keep going. Always remember that, this is healing in action. This is passing. This, too, shall pass. It is inevitable.
 
 

 

 

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  • 1 month later...

@Judith

Hello Judith... Iam an adverse reaction from 3 pills... Any way?  Are you really good now?  Did you really recover?  And went back to your old personality and your old thinking and emotions?  Iam 7 months off now but I feel. Like iam forgetting my. Memory more and more and the dp is hitting more and more... Do people really heal literally?? 

15 June ,buspar 5mg 9pm

16 June, cipralex 10mg , buspar 5mg

17 June, cipralex 10mg, buspar 5mg

18 June, cipralex 10mg, buspar 5mg

19 June zero dose

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Hi @arielS,

 

so nice to hear from you! I’m sorry you are having a tough time.  This is not an easy process.   But you will make it!  And YES you will heal.  Healing requires time, patience, courage, strength, and the grace of God.  As awful as the symptoms of the healing process are, it’s important to try to look at them as ‘normal’ under the circumstances.   It’s different and unique for all of us.  
 

But I am here to reassure you that however long it takes & however awful it feels, you WILL heal!  I learned a lot about myself in the process and letting go and giving it to God in every moment.   
 

Hang in there my friend. You are the bravest of the brave and will make it.  With every day that passes you are one day closer to healing. 

 

Sending many prayers and healing wishes for comfort, strength, and grace 🙏😇❤️😘

Judith

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@Judith

Judith... This means too much for me.. Really thanks.. You mean that I must ignore my weird feelings and my weird thoughts and knows "this is not me" , I just cannot remember who was iam,  but I will reach and go back to me again.. In one day.. Soory for my bad english

15 June ,buspar 5mg 9pm

16 June, cipralex 10mg , buspar 5mg

17 June, cipralex 10mg, buspar 5mg

18 June, cipralex 10mg, buspar 5mg

19 June zero dose

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@arielS

yes you are correct - this is not you!  It’s just the re-regulating & balancing of your nervous system.   But it’s also very scary & challenging to feel so disconnected from your true self.  Remember your true brave spirit is there helping you through this.  You will feel like yourself again.  This experience teaches us a lot about hope & faith & trust. 
 

your English is good!   I admire your ability to know 2 languages. 👏🏻
 

many hugs & prayers to you 🤗🙏😇❤️😘

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  • 3 weeks later...
On 12/26/2019 at 8:07 PM, Judith said:

 So know you are not alone.  And things will get better.  It's one day at a time.  Trust your body that is inherently intelligent and knows what to do to heal.  Our job is to hang on to hope and believe it. 

 

@Judith I'm 50 months out (CT for medical reasons) and still struggling but your story has given me much hope that I, too, will soon heal. Thank you for returning to the forum with these uplifting words of encouragement 🥰

 

Hope you are well and enjoying life!

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

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Hi @gentlehermione,

 

So nice to hear from you!  Thank you for your kind words.   (love the word gentle with your name - so heart warming 😊)

 

I’m sorry you are still experiencing the unpleasant symptoms of nervous system healing.  As the brave soul you are, you have made it this far, which only means that you are ever SO CLOSE TO HEALING!   It was after my 4th year that things gradually started to improve.  And it looks like you are doing everything you can to allow that to happen by being brave, being in nature, eating well, & trusting.   Patience is key & living as normally as possible despite symptoms.  Loving yourself through it knowing THIS TOO SHALL PASS.   And we are never alone & always surrounded by God & angels.  😇🙏❤️


I’m amazed by how I continue to heal in many ways physically & emotionally even after the majority of symptoms subsided.  It’s a lifetime journey & process.  There are always new levels of understanding of ourselves & God’s world & love. These experiences only make us stronger & allow us to help others because of it.  You will be there very soon my friend!   Reach out any time you need encouragement.  
 

Sending healing hugs & prayers,🤗🙏😘

Judith 

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On 1/28/2022 at 5:59 PM, Judith said:

  (love the word gentle with your name - so heart warming 😊)

 

Hi @Judith

 

Over the past four years plus, I have learned that colossal amounts of patience and acceptance are required to reach the end of this gruelling journey. Thank you for your encouragement and support.

 

Actually Gentle Hermione is the name of one of the roses in my garden -  a vigorous, hardy English rose shrub which flowers repeatedly throughout the season. I hope I am as strong and resilient as she is!

 

Wishing you well 🥰

Effexor XR 75mg 1997-2012 

Effexor XR 37.5mg 2012-2017 (tapered off over six months - finished taper July 2017)

SCA Aug 12th, 2017

Cymbalta 30mg Aug 2017 - Nov 2017 (CT Nov. 17th for medical reasons)

Metoprolol 50mg Aug 2017 - Feb 2019 tapered down to 25mg June 2019 then tapered down to zero. Off Metoprolol as of Jan 2020        

Amiodarone (anti-arrhythmic med) 200mg Nov 2017- May 2018

Supplements: Omega 3, vitamin D3, magnesium

What helps me: Manual lymphatic drainage massage, acupressure, meditation, homeopathy (my psychiatrist is also a certified homeopath), a healthy diet when possible organic, yoga, walking my dogs every day and gardening.

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Hi @gentlehermione,

 

Beautifully said about the colossal amounts of patience & acceptance.  One of the biggest gift this provides us is that if we can get through and survive this grueling journey,  anything we face the rest of our lives seems easy in comparison. 
 

And thank you for telling me about your beautiful roses.   You are definitely as strong and as resilient as she is - which is  why you resonate with her and with nature. We also have a garden-  I will have to look for that variety of rose.   
 

Sending healing prayers & hugs,

🙏🤗❤️😘

Judith

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Hi @Judith

Thank you for  remaining on this site to help us. You are so kind. 
You said you have continued to heal. Can you explain please? 
Did the blurred vision heal and did you suffer with dry eyes ?
 

October 2004 Paxil 20mg - October 2018, 14 years

Nov 2018 Pregabalin - 2x50 mg a day to help with Paxil WD

August 2019 Pregabalin - 2 x 25mg a day 

April 2020 Pregabalin - 45mg, May 40mg, June 35mg, beg July 30mg, end July 25mg, Aug 24mg 

June 2021   Pregabalin - 14mg, January 2022 Pregabalin 14mg (2x7mg a day)

October 2018 Paxil - 20 mg, November 15mg, December 10mg  February 2019 Paxil- 7.5mg crashed, February 8.5mg, Nov 8mg 

March 2020 Paxil - 7.2mg, April 6.5mg, May 5.9mg, June 5.4mg, July 4.8mg, December 4.5mg 

January 2021 Paxil - 4mg, February 3.6mg, March 3.2mg, April 2.9mg, Aug 2.7mg, Sept 2.4mg, Oct 2.2mg, Nov 2mg, Dec 1.8mg, 

February 2022 Paxil - 1.6mg, March 1.4mg, April 1.2mg, May 1.0mg,

 

these dates are approximate 

 

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Hi @Longroadhome

 

Nice to hear from you & thank you for your kind words!  😊.  How have you been doing? 

 

As far as continued healing, I believe our life’s journey is about remembering the beauty of our own being and that we are so loved & held always in the hands of God. 😇💞

As we come to accept this, and work on understanding & surrendering the layers of false beliefs & emotions that manifest as physical symptoms, this then allows healing to occur on the physical & emotional level.  
It’s a process.  
 

This quote is from David  Hawkins M.D. Ph.D., book Healing and Recovery - 

“The body is a reflection of that which we believe, so if we address ourselves directly to those belief systems, to the mind itself, and to where it is being experienced,
we can undo belief systems. We have that freedom and option.” 

 

Of course it helps to get far enough along in recovery from survival mode and from the trauma of withdrawal to work on the next level of healing that is our life’s work.  


i have noticed some chronic aches & pains slowly improving.  My eyes are not as dry. The blurred vision is improving as well.   These were there before withdrawal as well - old layers of beliefs that are being released!  
 

Stay strong in faith and hope 🙏😇❤️ 
 Sending healing prayers & hugs, 🤗

Judith


 

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  • 1 month later...

@arielS do you still have vivid dreams?

2017 october--2018 march->(6 month) fluoxetine 20,30 mg-->cold turkey= after 2 month semen leakage

2018 july---2018 Aug-->(24 days) fluoxetine 20 mg --> cold turkey = vivid dreams begin

2018 december 2019 Jan-->(1 month) Amitriptyline 25--> cold turkey
--------++++--horror of drugs begins. Taking one after another and cold turkey-------+++------------------
2019 May--2019 May--> (12 days) Lexapro cold turkey

2019 May--2019 august -->(3 month)Cobazam 10 mg +amitriptyline 25 mg --> clobazam cold turkey

----2019 october ---> went cold turkey amitriptyline 25 mg.

2019 october--2020 Jan -->(3 months) duloxetine cymbalta 30mg --->cold turkey

2020 jan-2020 Apr--> (3 months) paroxetine 25 mg --> Cold turkey

2020 July--2021 Jan--> (6 months) amitriptyline 50 mg ,75 mg,100 mg ,125 mg -> cold turkey

2021 jan--2021 May--> (4 months) imipramine 75 mg -->cold turkey

2021 may-2021 Aug--> (3 months) nortriptyline 25 mg --> cold turkey== still semen leakage and vivid dream

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@Judith hi! I hope your well! Just checking in! I’m 48 months now, I’ll be 4 years completely pharma free in June! I had a major setback from covid and other life stresses including getting an infected tooth pulled. But I’ve seemed to improve some since then. Now I have my period and I’m back to awful symptoms really hoping this is hormonal and it will subside. Overall from the beginning much better but I still struggle with my worst symptoms and don’t live a “normal” life Withdrawl is still very front and center. Although I do have days I’m much more functional. I still don’t have good feelings if I do it’s very short lived and random. The intrusive si seems to definitely be better, I now have pretty tough depression and still have some inner aka, more so the dread and uncomfortable feeling in my chest and some si due to life feeling not worth it because it is still such a struggle. Very chemical too. Really praying this isn’t my normal now. As I often fear this is my life now. Looking forward to hearing back! 

13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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@Elyssa143

Hi my friend!  So nice to hear from you 😊

So proud of your accomplishment of making it this far, almost 4 years!  After four years is when I started feeling the most improvement the next year.  I know you will too.  The best is yet to come! 
 

However I certainly know and can sympathize with everything else going on in life that can feel like it’s setting us back.  It’s challenging enough to make it through recovery let alone deal with Covid and tooth infections, & periods - Ugh 😣.  (Ha at least I’m past the point of dealing with periods ☺️).
 That’s interesting because I had to have a tooth pulled a few months ago as well. -  it was very intense and set off my nervous system for a while, but am better now.  I also had Covid about a year and a half ago and that certainly took time to recover from even though it was generally mild.   

 

i’m glad you’re feeling improvements. And also sorry to hear about the struggles. It is scary to feel that way for so long. I know I asked myself time and time again, will this ever end? But it does. However long it takes it will.  Keep reminding yourself it is chemical and everything is balancing and will just take a little more time.  
 

So important to remind ourselves constantly what brave souls we are to do this- to live a drug-free and authentic life. All these symptoms that are so challenging are also there to remind us of our reliance on God to get us through and his strength. And that we’re never alone and our angels are always with us.  🙏❤️😇🙏

 

 Please reach out to me anytime you would like some encouragement sweetie. You remain in my thoughts and prayers for healing and comfort and strength and guidance. 
sending lots of love and hugs 🤗 ❤️😘

Judy 

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