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Judith: Healing will happen!

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Elyssa143

@Judith 

Hey Judith how are you doing?! Well I hope . How’s the whole Covid situation up there? Have the seasons changed yet? I bet it’s beautiful up there. I’m coming up on 31 months here and getting super discouraged. 😩 the inner akasthia (internal restlessness) is horrific makes me feel like I need to crawl out of my skin and kill myself its absolutely awful, then I have still the suicidal intrusive thoughts and intrusive thoughts like about life being worth it , what’s the point in all this, is it ever going to get better, all of that. Then depression kicks in and I get pretty low and get scared about not making it. I have new puppies on the ground which is a much better experience than last year so I know healing is happening just extremely slow. I’m just really scared and discouraged that I’m this far out still with the akasthia and suicidal stuff :( it’s exhausting to feel like I want to die frequently when I don’t. I am definitely more functional! Which is good but mentally I still really struggle, I have been working out too which has been a nice distraction. The kids are at home on line so that’s going well. Overall I try to be greatful that I am slowly improving and some symptoms are gone but the most distressing ones are still here and I get so scared 😭 I hope your well! My brain often tells me I’m damaged forever and I’ll just have to learn how to live like this and I fear I won’t be able to. Hugs to you look forward to hearing back! 


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Judith

Hello! @Elyssa143

 

it’s so good to hear from you! You were on my list of people to check in with. Although it saddens me greatly to hear that you’re still struggling so much sweetie 😞.  What impresses me about you is how strong and loving and caring you can be in the midst of the hell you are also experiencing. You have a good understanding of being the observer of all your symptoms and trying to detach from them while living your beautiful normal grateful life. Which is key to getting through all this. 😇❤️ 

 

Because what we cling to - with the grace of God 🙏  is the knowing that this is temporary. And that with each day you are one day closer to complete healing. You know from talking to Baylissa and following her that she has counseled thousands of people who have been exactly where you are, and where I was,  and they recovered, just like I did. I was also in a very  protracted recovery. And things just slowly slowly started improving.

 

but I feel your pain and exhaustion and overwhelm and my heart and prayers goes out to you.   you are not damaged forever - even though our healing brain likes to tell us that. It’s still not working properly. But it will.   God only knows how we survive any of this. But we do. And I’m so proud of you and the way you are handling everything. Only the truly brave and strong can do this and you are among them. 💪🏻
 

Nice to hear you’re able to work out again! I know for me that was a turning point when I felt like I was getting a little more energy and could  start doing things like that again. 

 

glad you are holding up as best you can with all this Covid madness. My grandkids were also doing school at home, however they just opened the schools in their district again - they are thrilled to be back to school.   
 

did you say you also have puppies! How sweet that’s a fun distraction. 🐶 

 

We are still enjoying the last gasps of summer here. it’s been beautiful.   The leaves are just barely starting to turn.   I need to start making my plans to go to Florida in January February. Hope I can find somewhere to stay during this Covid madness.  I love Florida! 🌴🌸☀️🌈
 

I saved so many of the Baylissa’s messages because they helped me so much. Here’s one of them that I hope helps you too: 
 

You are stronger than you know. The fact that you are still holding on means that there is something deep within you - let's call it your human will and determination - that will see you through to recovery. If you are doubting your ability to cope, just remember how much you have already had to deal with. You may think you have no more strength to keep you going, but know that the strength always comes. No matter how intense things are or how weary or drained you may be feeling, trust that you will find ways to manage, to overcome, and to nurture yourself while you are healing.
 
Because of this innate courage and strength, you persevere. So many people tend to give up and go back on the drug or try new ones. It takes immeasurable strength and perseverance to get through withdrawal. You are doing it. You are heroic. No matter how scared you are, how uncertain, how vulnerable you feel, you always keep going.
 
This is what you must continue to do. Don't lose hope. Don't give up. No matter how long you have been holding on, the day will come when your healing will finally be completed. You must continue until this time arrives. Yes, one day, just when the timing is right for you, the symptoms will all abate, never to return. You will know that you are healed and you will be able to exhale and to put this experience behind you.
 
Remember, you are stronger than you realize. Keep going. You will make it. 

So many hugs and love and prayers go out to you sweetie. May you feel the comfort of your angels always nearby giving you strength and hope and courage.  😇🙏. Reach out anytime you need encouragement.

 

Judy 

 

Here’s a beautiful lake Erie sunset that we are privileged to see from our place.  😍

148E0A8F-72BA-4EDE-A2D0-70586ED5BDD1.jpeg

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whatshappening
On 12/20/2019 at 6:11 AM, Judith said:

Greetings to all!  It took 5 years for my brain and nervous system to rebalance and heal after taking Effexor for 14 years.  Nasty stuff. One of the hardest to discontinue. But it is possible! I tried to d/c it a few times over those 14 years but had to keep going back on it because I couldn't function. I didn't understand enough about withdrawal and how all this works. But as we all know we reach a point where our souls know we do not need this drug and will do whatever it takes to get off it and stay off it. It's a ride through hell that's for sure but you can do it!!

 

As we all know, it's a lot worse at the beginning of withdrawal. I only had about 3 days of windows over the years. But I could feel symptoms slowly getting better over the last year till it starts being noticeable that the crud may still be there but it's more manageable. And the last 6 months it kept improving until I couldn't believe that the buzzing in my head was gone and the fear and anxiety were gone. The brain fog and fatigue also slowly start improving. There may always be a little residual fatigue and brain fog but I'm also 66 yrs old - ha!  

 

We have no idea how brave we are to go through this to live an authentic life drug free.  It finally happened this year around May.  And as you know it was many years of a nightmare I could not have imagined. But it will happen!! I am here as proof. I have my life back and am finally able to travel to see my family out of town and live a normal life again.  Acceptance, perseverance, surrender, humor, love - it's all part of living each day well.  Just continue to take care of yourself the best you can.  Walking in nature is SO HEALING. That is what saved me.  And taking every stress out that you possibly can. And lots and lots of prayer. My heart goes out to you - Hang in there - you will make it.  🙏😘

 

On 12/26/2019 at 9:07 AM, Judith said:

I tapered over a 2 month period.  Effexor comes in capsules with tiny pellets, so I would just reduce it slowly by breaking open the capsules and taking out some pellets.  As I have come to learn I probably should have taken a lot longer to taper.  But it also may not have made much difference.  😘

Hi Judith,

 

Congratulations for finally being off the Effexor Beast! You are so awesome.

 

You mentioned you probably should have done a longer taper but it may have not made much difference. I've been doing the whole 10% of current dose at 4-6 weeks and have been doing that method for the past 3 years. But I've had to endure many symptoms for 1 1/2 years of that even currently despite the slow taper system. I even up-dosed once only to find temporary relief for just 1 month before the symptoms came back again. So for me the whole updose and hold didn't really work. It was at that time I I came to the idea that it doesn't make a difference cause I'm facing all these symptoms already so what's the difference and I kept doing down my tapering schedule despite having symptoms.  Currently at 3 mg of Effexor which honestly has no therapeutic benefit at this point. Sleep is one of my bigger issues and symptoms. Did you just persevere through it or take any remedies for sleep?


Effexor XR 37.5mg (1st time 2003-2004 / 2nd time 2007-2008 / 3rd time 2010-current) Attempted to get off again in July of 2015 and did a year long taper only to reinstate by June 2016 due to failed taper. By July 2017 started to give this another try.

 

7.01.17 - 37.5mg fast forward to 3.25.18 - 26 mg  / 4.27.18 - 23.4 mg  / 5.20.18 - 21 mg  / 6.24.18 - 18.9 mg / 9.7.18 - 17 mg  / 10.13.18 - 15 mg / 11.10.18 - 13.5 mg 12.24.18 - 12 mg / 2.10.19 - 11 mg  / 3.6.19 - Updose to 13 mg and was better only for a month so decided to continue with tapering process. / 5.18.19 - 12 mg / 6.12.19 - 11 mg  / 7.7.19 - 11 mg  / 8.22.19 - 10 mg  / 10.4.19 - 9 mg   / 11.29.19 - 8.5mg / 12.16.19 - 8 mg / 1.24.20 - 7.5mg / 3.15.20 - 6.5mg / 3.29.20 - 6 mgs / 5.9.20  - 5.5 mgs / 5.23.20 - 5 mgs / 6.29.20 - 4.5 mgs / 7.10.20 - 4.25mgs / 7.24.20 - 4 mgs / 8.18.20 - 3.75mg / 9.1.20 - 3.5 mgs / 9.29.20 - 3 mgs but Horrendous side effects suddenly appear preventing further tapering.

 

10.9.20 - Updose to 3.5mg / 10.18.20 - Updose to 4.5mg

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Judith

Hi @whatshappening,

 

So nice to hear from you!  Thanks for your kind words.  You are also awesome for even trying to be drug free and enduring hell to get to the other side.   

 

So sorry that you are still going through the nightmare of recovering from these drugs.  Fast taper, slow taper, no one really knows how these drugs work or their effect on each individual's physiology, so it's anyone's guess.   My experience with sleep was one of wired and tired.  Went to bed exhausted, somehow slept, but didn't feel rested, and woke up exhausted and with a huge spike in cortisol which caused massive anxiety and GI issues, etc, etc.   I tried a few things such as phosphatidyl serine and various forms of magnesium.  They didn't do anything that I could detect at the time  But I do still take magnesium which, as you probably know, is calming to the nervous system.  Use chelated magnesium with lysine glycinate to avoid a laxative effect.   

 

From my experience supplements and other things that might help under 'normal' circumstances, either don't have an effect or may be exacerbated as your brain and nervous system are valiantly trying to restabilize after becoming dependent on a drug.  

 

I wish I had a better answer for you.   But am sending many prayers and blessings for your continued strength, courage, perseverance, hope, and faith that with enough time and patience, you WILL heal and get through this.   I know you can do it!!!  May you feel the comfort of your angels all around you. 😇🙏❤️😘

 

Judy

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whatshappening
3 hours ago, Judith said:

Hi @whatshappening,

 

So nice to hear from you!  Thanks for your kind words.  You are also awesome for even trying to be drug free and enduring hell to get to the other side.   

 

So sorry that you are still going through the nightmare of recovering from these drugs.  Fast taper, slow taper, no one really knows how these drugs work or their effect on each individual's physiology, so it's anyone's guess.   My experience with sleep was one of wired and tired.  Went to bed exhausted, somehow slept, but didn't feel rested, and woke up exhausted and with a huge spike in cortisol which caused massive anxiety and GI issues, etc, etc.   I tried a few things such as phosphatidyl serine and various forms of magnesium.  They didn't do anything that I could detect at the time  But I do still take magnesium which, as you probably know, is calming to the nervous system.  Use chelated magnesium with lysine glycinate to avoid a laxative effect.   

 

From my experience supplements and other things that might help under 'normal' circumstances, either don't have an effect or may be exacerbated as your brain and nervous system are valiantly trying to restabilize after becoming dependent on a drug.  

 

I wish I had a better answer for you.   But am sending many prayers and blessings for your continued strength, courage, perseverance, hope, and faith that with enough time and patience, you WILL heal and get through this.   I know you can do it!!!  May you feel the comfort of your angels all around you. 😇🙏❤️😘

 

Judy

Awww thank you for the kind and encouraging words Judith. After 4 straight days of little to no sleep and trying various remedies and even contemplating updosing or different medications. I finally nodded off after 5am this morning with about 3-4 hours sleep. It's times like this that give me a confidence boost and makes me keep on persevering. I know only time will heal but it's really about me getting into a different mindset about sleep and not give the Insomnia beast any power (easier said than done)

 

I have my faith and I keep praying to the lord for strength. While we can't change our circumstances we can ask the lord to help change us and our mindset to be better able to handle challenges. This whole tapering journey I always ask the lord for epiphanies with thought changing statements to get through whatever current symptom I'm facing and he has always delivered them to me.


Effexor XR 37.5mg (1st time 2003-2004 / 2nd time 2007-2008 / 3rd time 2010-current) Attempted to get off again in July of 2015 and did a year long taper only to reinstate by June 2016 due to failed taper. By July 2017 started to give this another try.

 

7.01.17 - 37.5mg fast forward to 3.25.18 - 26 mg  / 4.27.18 - 23.4 mg  / 5.20.18 - 21 mg  / 6.24.18 - 18.9 mg / 9.7.18 - 17 mg  / 10.13.18 - 15 mg / 11.10.18 - 13.5 mg 12.24.18 - 12 mg / 2.10.19 - 11 mg  / 3.6.19 - Updose to 13 mg and was better only for a month so decided to continue with tapering process. / 5.18.19 - 12 mg / 6.12.19 - 11 mg  / 7.7.19 - 11 mg  / 8.22.19 - 10 mg  / 10.4.19 - 9 mg   / 11.29.19 - 8.5mg / 12.16.19 - 8 mg / 1.24.20 - 7.5mg / 3.15.20 - 6.5mg / 3.29.20 - 6 mgs / 5.9.20  - 5.5 mgs / 5.23.20 - 5 mgs / 6.29.20 - 4.5 mgs / 7.10.20 - 4.25mgs / 7.24.20 - 4 mgs / 8.18.20 - 3.75mg / 9.1.20 - 3.5 mgs / 9.29.20 - 3 mgs but Horrendous side effects suddenly appear preventing further tapering.

 

10.9.20 - Updose to 3.5mg / 10.18.20 - Updose to 4.5mg

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Judith

Hi @whatshappening

 

So glad to hear you at least got a little sleep!  It must just be horrendous to not sleep.   
 

i’m so impressed with your wonderful and faithful attitude through all this. I give all credit to the grace of God just as you are doing. One of the blessings of going through all the suffering is it makes you closer to God & remembering our true nature. You expressed it beautifully.   With God’s help to keep you strong, you WILL make it!!!!  🙏😇❤️😘

 

reach out for encouragement anytime.  

 

Hugs, 🤗

Judy

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