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Rhiannon

☼ Rhiannon's intro (by Rhi)

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mattinsmom

I think I would have to head to Hawaii. I think I would stay tho :)

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Athena

Rhi!! I just read a quote by you that has been posted on Itee's thread, and it's wonderful. By reading here and there, mostly on this site, but also with my physiology/anatomy formation, that is EXACTLY how I have come to understand what has happened and is happening to us. I could never have been even close to finding the words to explain it as you have though. Thank you!!

 

And yes for a big SA camping trip, where insomnia doesn't exist and delicious healthy food grows all ready for us in the trees!!

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mammaP

I LOVE camping! When my children were young we went camping in the country, no 

big commercial sites for us, just small sites on farms with minimal conveniences. 

The smell of the grass and the sound of the night was amazing. The kids loved it and

went exploring in the woods and paddled in the fresh streams.  I would love to camp

in a rainforest...... paradise  :wub:

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Pokeshaw

I'm in for the NZ camping trip!!  With all of you, it would be a true adventure!

 

And Rhi - i so understand and sympathize about the bellybrain and neuro-emotions. i've been hit with another wave of same the last few days and the emotional factor is toughest.

i forced myself out of the house today to the market and to do errands.

i am grateful that i slept almost 7 hours after several days of 5 hrs.

 

you have taught me to 'walk' thru it, it will change. i was telling my mother about you today! She says i am lucky to have found this site and she supports all the advice i get here.

 

so, there you go ~ my 82 yr old mom thinks you are terrific! and she is right!

 

XOX

 

Poke

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mlrp

Well, I would hardly need to have my arm twisted to visit New Zealand. And someone could introduce me to Jemaine Clement while we're there. I mean all New Zealanders know one another, right? :P

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mattinsmom

So camping is good and all but I'm kinda thinking about room service, drinks (non-alcoholic) by the pool, someone else to clean  my suite and make my bed, meandering along the beach....indoor plumbing. 

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Rhiannon

Hmmm...that doesn't sound bad either Amy...

 

We may have to have a spa vacation after the camping trip. 

 

Thanks Poke and Athena for your sweet words!

 

I'm cutting Celexa to 0.95 today, woo hoo! I feel like I'm actually winning, at least as far as the Celexa is concerned. Ha, take that, you awful drug! And just went to 1.65 on the Valium, which I'll be holding for at least two weeks now.

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Athena

Bravo!!!

I had to increase a bit today... A little step back for a better jump next time!

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mlrp

Excellent attitude, Athena! I'm another member of the learning-to-be-patient club. Funny thing is, before this, I thought patience was one of my top virtues. Live and learn. ^_^

 

OK, Amy (if I may) has blown my cover. I LOVE nature, but I'm a creature-comforts gal (especially these days). A beautiful hotel room, turn-down service, and ocean breezes wafting over the balcony...

 

Rhi, thank you for weighing in on my Rem taper question. So much valuable information. Wishing you calmer belly times.~.~.~.~

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Rhiannon

Bravo!!!

I had to increase a bit today... A little step back for a better jump next time!

 

Good for you, doing what you need to do! It takes some learning and tweaking and experimenting at first. I still screw up from time to time but mostly these days I know what I can handle and what I can't. (After four years of practice I had better be getting the hang of it...! Hopefully you're a faster learner than me.)

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Rhiannon

Well, another week of graveyard nights, starting tonight. Yuck.  But hopefully this will be the last for a while. I do need to let our scheduler know that changing back and forth is harder for me than it used to be, I had originally told her I was okay with nights.

 

I had a great weekend with my daughter last weekend, though! She lives in a big city and I found I was just soaking up and delighting in all the stimulation and activity. I wanted to go out and do more than she did! That's a HUGE change for me. For 20 years (on the psych meds) I was just "meh, it's too much trouble" about doing fun things I had previously been enthusiastic about. Then earlier during my taper I was in too much withdrawal most of the time to cope with anything very stimulating, it was even hard just to make the five hour drive to see her. It's so great to be getting back my zest for life!

 

But I'll probably be sort of grumbly now for a bit, while working nights.

 

Also feeling sad today about the death of Robin Williams, which I am 99% certain was due to iatrogenic causes. It's so tragic and so infuriating that the drug companies are STILL suppressing the statistics showing the association between suicide and their "medicine."

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Rhiannon

Oh, and I guarantee the drug/psychiatry industry is going to make hay out of all this publicity about Williams and insist that more people need to be on antidepressants and encourage people to get anyone they think is depressed in to their doctor for "help." Because his "disease" was the problem; nobody's going to point to the drugs.

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mammaP

I agree 100% about Robin, I thought the very same things when I heard the news, it is so sad.  :(

 

Great that you are getting back your zest for life, I'm dead chuffed for ya . ( A true Britism ;))

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mlrp

Totally agree re Robin Williams. One day, the truth will out about all of this.

 

Rhi, your uplifted spirit gives me so much hope! I wish you increased joy, peace, and balance!

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Designerguru

So happy that you are wanting to do things again, Rhi!! That's great news!!

 

I agree about Robin, too--I wonder if his doc just changed his meds or his dosage or added something new. We'll probably never know. Such a tragedy-- he was one of a kind.

 

Hope you all are doing reasonably well.

 

Anne

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Addax

So great to read you had a nice time visiting with your daughter! Hooray for renewed zest! Good things going on for you, Rhi. :)

 

Sorry you're going to have to endure night shifts for awhile. I did a stint or two of night shifts... Threw me for quite a loop every time. For awhile I I worked 4 regular days then one overnight. I swear it took me two or three days after the overnight shift to feel back on track... Yuck!

 

I was saddened by Robin Williams death as well. I also I thought the same thing. I immediately thought, "I wonder which anti-depressant was he taking." :/

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dalsaan

Go Rhi, great to hear you out zest end your daughter! Zest is such a great thing

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mattinsmom

Yay you!!!

 

I am so glad to read that you had fun. (insert happy dance here)

 

Sorry about the night shift. May it pass with ease.

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Petunia

Thinking of you on your last week of nights, hope it passes quickly. 

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Rhiannon

Oi, headaches and nausea (migraine I guess), tummy problems. I'm going to have a talk with the supervisor about nights, I don't mind doing them once in a while, but two months in a row is apparently too hard on my body, I feel pretty sick.

 

Still in okay spirits though oddly enough...

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mlrp

Hope you're feeling better soon, Rhi. I don't see how you folks who handle shift work do it. I think it would be too much for me in w/d! So glad to know your spirits are holding up. <<healing energy>> coming your way...!

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mattinsmom

No tummy troubles allowed!

Sorry that you are feeling cruddy and glad to hear that you are going to talk to your supervisor about the night shifts. They should be over soon I think?

Yay for oddly spirited ;) 

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mlrp

Rhi, my husband and I have gotten a copy of Anatomy of an Epidemic and are reading it (he more quickly than I) with an ever-increasing mixture of interest, fascination, and dismay. Every day, though what I learn and what I experience firsthand, my eyes get opened just a bit wider to the horrible reality that is psychiatry and psychopharmacology in this country. Thanks for the recommendation!

 

I hope that you are doing a bit better today. 

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Pokeshaw

Wishing you relief from night shifts, nausea and headaches. no fun, especially while working. i understand 100%

sending healing thoughts your way ~~

Poke

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Rhiannon

Thanks for all the support you guys! What a team. I feel very blessed.

 

Tonight's my last night of nights, and then I don't think I have any more till one in November. My zest has kind of faded, but I'm not worried about it, I think it will come back once I get back on my regular schedule. I'm also making some small cuts in my meds which will probably make me a bit wobbly here and there.

 

I have a couple of leads for therapists so moving slowly forward on that. My mother's condition is deteriorating fast, I'm dealing with grieving but also having to deal with my insane family, so I think it's time for some support here on the ground. Hate to spend the money. (It's always something, right?)

 

I'm hoping to get some help with some other things I want to change about my own behavior too. I have this thing of being really avoidant of anything that has to do with money or certain kinds of organization and planning. I think it's not just withdrawal stuff or med stuff, I've always had this problem. Once I get started I do fine but I have the hardest time getting started. I've always had a lot of shame about it. I think I'm getting better about the shame now and accepting that it's just my brain, probably due to early childhood damages in some way, but maybe I can learn to work around it. It would be nice not to feel like I always have this pile of stuff hanging over me that I need to take care of but just can't bring myself to tackle.

 

I have a new friend who's into hiking and maybe camping, and I like her a lot--yay! We're going for a hike tomorrow. (Well, Monday that is, it's Saturday night here but since it will be Sunday by the time I go to bed, in my mind it's already Sunday. Night shift work is confusing in so many ways.)

 

Anyway, here's to the return of my zest window soon.  And to you guys--so strong and caring. Thank you for being you.

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Rhiannon

Okay, off nights and now onto an eight-hour evening shift that will be the same for a whole month or maybe longer. I'm not crazy about the eight hour shifts since that means I only get two days off per week instead of three; but I have to admit it's better for my body to get to bed earlier and keep a more normal schedule.

 

I have just made a set of cuts that I've been easing my way into for a while. We'll see how it goes. I'm most excited about getting down to 55 mg of Lamictal--that means that 50 mg is in sight! in a few months, well probably four months, but by the end of the year anyway. And at 50 I will go to a higher dilution and will get two days' worth of meds out of one tablet and be at 1/4 of my starting dose.

 

I have to get excited about those little milestones, keeps me going. 

 

Poor sleep the past few nights but mostly my own fault for coming home from work and spending too much time on the computer, not a good idea before bed. Going to get back on track this weekend. 

 

Have another hike planned tomorrow with my new hiking buddy, yay! I am so glad she's as into it as I am, plus she knows all the cool places.

 

And right now I'm going to put the computer down and go see if they're renting kayaks down at the park and if they are I'm going to take one out for about an hour, then go get a massage, then go for a walk. So see? doing good things for myself. Feel sort of headachey and crummy due to the sleep problems but I bet I'll be feeling better soon.

 

Love you all!

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Rhiannon

Oh, I should add, all this kayaking and hiking and such, I've lived in this area for four and a half years and have only just recently gotten to the point where I want to do this stuff. I was in more difficult withdrawal for the first couple of years, and then just still not very motivated. I seem to be getting my motivation back.

 

I know you guys are sick of hearing this, but: slow tapers work. At least in my own case. At this point I feel like even if I never manage to get all the way off everything, so much has improved for me that I'm fine with maintaining wherever I have to. But so far I seem to be able to do well with continuing the very slow reduction process, and I'm not going to stop, even if I end up on homeopathic doses.

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bubble

Dear Rhi, it's so nice to read you.

 

And no, we can never get tired of hearing about benefits of slow tapers. On the contrary, we all need to be reminded of it all the time because the excitement of reducing sometimes carries us away...Comforting to hear you also get these surges of excitement (but manage to restrain yourself), Hope we can all develop this important skill.

 

Also great to hear about all the good things you are doing for yourself.

 

hugs,

bubble

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andy

Well done rhi ,patience pays off

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Pokeshaw

Hey Rhi - love reading your posts. you cracked me up about the homeopathic doses! i totally get it.  I have become a cheerleader for the slow taper and have you to thank for that little 'major' awakening that has basically saved my life!

 

It is great to hear about your taking advantage of the hiking/kayaking in your hood ~ and i also loved hearing about the work you are doing on old behaviors.  I've been looking at stuff like that myself and i've found that even 'becoming willing' to change has shifted things for me.

 

I am sorry to hear about your mother's failing health ~ i send love and support to you as you walk through that. 

We're in your back pocket as they say ~~

 

Cheers from Bklyn!

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areyouthere

GO RHI!!!   The kayaking and hiking sound absolutely wonderful. You are doing so well & I am just so very happy for you.

 

Your posts were a real boost to my day!!!  HUGS!!!! 

 

RU :)

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Rhiannon

Hiked about five miles today, something like that, in the mountains, saw three waterfalls, it was great! And last night I ordered my first kayak, a small inexpensive one, with the basic minimum of gear necessary to get me out on the water. Hopefully it will arrive soon enough for me to get out a few times before the water gets too cold.

 

I'm feeling sort of bummed though because a friend who had said a couple of months ago that she wanted me to move in with her has decided she doesn't want to share her space. I was really getting excited about moving and not living alone; I've been feeling for quite a while that I wanted to live in some kind of shared housing situation with another person or two. So that was a bummer, back to the drawing board for that.

 

Still, things are okay, life's not too bad, and I sure am having fun getting out into this beautiful world of ours, even if I'm a bit lonely at times.

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dalsaan

That's a bummer. Are there other options to share, even with people you don't know? Some great friendships have started that way

 

Dalsaan

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Rhiannon

I'm working on it...It's a small rural area so there aren't as many options as most places, and I'm kind of picky (need a certain amount of space, more than just a bedroom). I'm actually checking something out this afternoon, will see how it goes.

 

It's okay, I'm okay where I am, and I'm just going to keep it out there and keep looking and keep an open mind.

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mattinsmom

Look at you and all your outdoors, new friend, looking into sharing space...and decreases to boot! You, madam, make my heart smile. 

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Rhiannon

Aw Amy, I feel the same way about you.

 

I got my inflatable kayak in the mail a couple of days ago, opened it up today, can't wait to try it out! but it's too windy today. Plus it's my only day off out of a streak of 11 days and I have other things I want/need to do.

 

Feeling the decreases for sure. Yuck. But not intolerable. Just the same old same old, a little crankier than usual, kind of anxious and jumpy, but not overwhelming.  How are you? Never mind, don't answer here, I'll check on you over in your threadberhood.

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