☼ Rhiannon's intro (by Rhi)

[flower]

Hang in there Rhi..I too worked nights for 30 years! It's so hard to adjust.I also am tapering Celexa. Thinking of you.

[Rhiannon]

Hang in there Rhi..I too worked nights for 30 years! It's so hard to adjust.I also am tapering Celexa. Thinking of you.

 

Wow, for 30 years, you must have gotten used to it at some point...I'm working tens, 7 on and 7 off. It's not so bad, except that I am always asleep in the mornings. But I have more of a social life now on this shift than I did on evening shift and at least my schedule is regular, which it wasn't before.

 

Still feeling crappy but hints of maybe a little better...

[Rhiannon]

Hay Rhi, you are amazing, fantastic you are working, I so admire you. I am currently taking a work break, so to speak, just not well enough to be doin it.... However I did do a whole year in retail whilst in acute withdrawal from the Prozac cold turkey, was seein things and going in on zero hours sleep the majority of the time.....It frustrates me to not be working, was running a company before the doc suggested I come off cos he didn't think I needed it any more. At the moment it's a real struggle with the 3 kids though, couldn't do more. Keep going, keep going, when your not on your shift rest as much as poss. Those unwanted bad thoughts aren't real, they come and then they go, had some today for a while and tonight I was in hysterics at a tv programme! You are doing so well! Loads of love. Xxxxxxxx

 

Thanks Fizz! I can't imagine trying to work in acute withdrawal. In fact that's why I've tapered so slow from the start, I have no savings and couldn't afford to risk my job. Thanks for the good thoughts. Feeling a little better tonight. But it's my last night of 7 and I'm off for 7 now, so yay.

[Rhiannon]

Hugs hugs and more hugs for you Rhi. You have given so many of us great advice. I wish there were more i could do but say HUGS TO YOU!!!!! Muahhhh! And...this too shall pass.

 

RU

 

Aw, RU, hugs back, thank you! :-) big smiles!

[Rhiannon]

Face it, Rhi... you are LOOOOOVED!!! And smashed with virtual hugs. Your oxytocin levels must be offthecharts!!

 

:-)

 

I wish virtual hugs felt as good as the in person kind...not sure they do as much for my oxytocin...but I like 'em anyway. And I'm really trying to let it all in. Feels good to know you guys care about me.

[Rhiannon]

Have to say I'm sorry, too. But so good that you know the cause, and at least one part of your mind can rationally know it is not about the essence of you.

 

Do you sleep? Do you keep the sane schedule on off days? I feel for you, I worked nights for 1.5 yrs. out of college...felt like 100 yrs. And I think a piece of my depression in my late 20's was from a day/night rotation, switching every two weeks. What kind of work do you do?

 

Hi Meimei, thanks. I work in a hospital lab. I actually kind of like the night shift, weird huh? but it does mess with my body. I work 7/7 and on my off week I go to a modified late schedule, sleeping till about 1 pm. It's just too hard on my body to try to switch fully back to days, I only do that if I have to.

[Rhiannon]

I am so sorry Rhi - shift work is a killer at any time, let alone during withdrawals. When i was young and childless, i really liked night duty (nursing) - busy but without the distractions of ringing phones and difficult doctors. I loved driving home and 7:30 and crawling into bed. But once children came along it was too tough to try and get the hours of sleep in and i would end up nearly vomiting from exhaustion at 4am.

 

Oh yeah, I bet! I don't think I could do this with a roommate, let alone with kids! I generally sleep about 7 hours during the day, 8 when I can, have a dark quiet place to sleep during the day. I actually sort of like the night shift. I mean, not as much as I would like winning the lottery and not having to work at all, but since I have to work...

[Rhiannon]

Hi Rhi glad I checked in to see what you are up to. Could the night shift be aggravating the WD?

 

Halting the taper at this point is a good move. Think about what you are accomplishing. Working again, working a night shift, and doing a multi withdrawal. It's alot. So have the cortisol and free flowing anxiety is bound to occur. Give yourself permission to have it.

 

In a few weeks this should be behind you. This stuff is cyclical. Lots of hugs for you this evening

 

When you feel this way, just keep posting, someone will stop by to chat with you, just like you've done for us.

 

Thanks Nikki. When I get frustrated with having to hold my taper I don't always remember how much I'm actually doing. And this was the point of the slow taper, so that I could work and rebuild my life, which I am slowly doing. You're right, it's a lot. Actually when you put it that way I feel kind of proud of myself. At least right now I do. Sometimes I can't even imagine feeling good about myself. Other times I can. Right now I'm having a good moment.

[Rhiannon]

Hope you feel better soon Rhi

 

{{{hugs}}}

 

Thanks basil, hugs back! {{{{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}}}

[alexjuice]

Hang in there, Rhi. It will come back around.

 

I've been in the same place. I know I've felt better but I don't feel like I've ever felt better. It sucks. You can make it through.

 

You're such a help to all of us here and elsewhere, know we're all rooting for you. I'm rooting for you! And I know you're gonna make it!

[Nikki]

The weirdest thing is how I find myself thinking hopeless thoughts, this is as good as my life will ever get, it's always going to be like this, etc... Even though I'm pretty sure I do remember feeling better than this, even fairly recently.

I know right! This is the worst element of withdrawal in my opinion.

 

Anyway, feel better, you're not alone.

 

 

Rhi I have to work hard at trying to overcome these thoughts and replace them how I want to see myself. Having it bad this morning (every morning).

 

Try looking at the things around you and how you will be in the swing of things and feeling good.

 

Hugs

[Rhiannon]

Just want to let everyone know, I got better. And of course then I made some more cuts and got worse again, and now I'm back on the upswing I think.

 

I'm actually thinking of doing something I've contemplated but not actually tried yet during my taper, and that's a really long hold. I'm thinking I might hold for the next three months, until the end of August. I doubt I really have the self-discipline to do that, but I've been wanting to try it and this might be a good time. I'd like to lose a few pounds (8-10 or so) and I've found that I can't really diet and taper at the same time, something about those hunger hormones just aggravates my symptoms too much. And now with the night shift stuff too.

 

In my three-plus years of tapering I've often contemplated doing a three-month hold but never actually done it. I'm just curious to see what the results would be.

 

Well, anyway, I'm holding for now. We'll see how long I can hold out. I'll keep you posted.

 

Oh, and--regarding the title of this thread--I am thrilled to say that I am NOW down to 1.65 mg of citalopram! Well, you can see from my sig line. My 5/26 levels are where I'm holding for now.

[strawberry17]

Glad to hear you're feeling a bit better now, I've done lots of long holds, months at a time over the course of the years, I think sometimes I actually forgot I was tapering.

[Nikki]

It is refreshing to hear how far you have come. Your posts are never really about doom and gloom (like mine).

 

And yes, you are rebuilding. Me too. It has been rather frustrating a large portion of the time (for me). This is what keeps me locked in my head.

 

What is your remedy for not being locked in your head? Please share.

 

As for holding. Do it. At the end, holding is a good thing. From what I have seen/read, those who hold at the most miniscule doses have an easier time once they are off. Actually it was all about the hold from when I was on Seroxatmad.

 

Again, we (everyone on the planet) do alot and juggle most of the time. It is tiring, so hold and rest when ever you can. You really are at the end.

 

Everyday remind yourself on how far you have come.

 

Hugs

[Skyler]

Hi Rhi.. glad to hear you are taking a 'time out' with a 3 month hold. I've been on one for err, 8 months now, give or take (after 3 years of tapering). I was about to start again, the the AB thingy happened, so it will be another month. Sometimes we just need to be clear of disruption and have some peace. The weight thing is important too, like you don't know awready!...

 

Skyler

[Iggy131313]

Rhi, I know I dont know you but you are AMAZING...I know this recovery is slow and a long time coming for you but you have done incredibly just to SURVIVE!!

 

I look forward to reading about your progress over the next couple of years and your full recovery. xx

[Rhiannon]

Aw thanks Iggy! And wow, you managed to find my intro thread, I can never do that. :-)

 

Love your adorable avatar photo by the way. AWWWW!

[Iggy131313]

that my baby boy rhi, the reson I am hanging on, it helps for me to see him when Im posting and remember why Im still here and still trying. much love, healing and protection to you. x

[flower]

Rhi I hope I didn't already ask you this.I can't find anything here but how fast did you taper the neurontin and did you take a generic or the brand? If you took the generic which one was it? Ive been switched 3 times in the last month. I'm having what Skyler believes to be WD ..I wonder how much of a difference there really is between these generics. The pharma. says by law they are the same but I know better.

[Rhiannon]

Flower I took generic, whatever they gave me, probably different ones since I moved three times to different cities, twice in different states, during the time I was taking it. Part of the time I was taking the tablets and other times I was taking the capsules. I don't know which ones they were, I've been off now for a year and didn't keep any of it.

[Meimeiquest]

Hi Rhi,

 

I skimmed your neuroplasticity thread last night. Wondering if you have any additional thought now a few months out? I am thinking this is really the big scientific question in WD....is it just wait for time to work, or is a more active stance needed/helpful? If so, what are the best practices? Thanks...for all you do! Meimei

[Nikki]

Hi and how do you feel....thank you for all your support and info on Celexa, or getting off of the stuff.  I am at 30mgs. and I think you wrote that it took you three years to wean off?

 

Congratulations on being Free

[Rhiannon]

Hi and how do you feel....thank you for all your support and info on Celexa, or getting off of the stuff.  I am at 30mgs. and I think you wrote that it took you three years to wean off?

 

Congratulations on being Free

 

No, the only one I'm all the way off is Neurontin. I still have 1.6 mg to go with the Celexa. But that's such a huge improvement I feel pretty good about it. And the effect of the drug is way less at this dosage, thank goodness. Hard to say which ones caused which problems for me, but all of them are lessening as I get my dosages down.

 

I anticipate another year or so to get all the way off the Celexa. While still reducing the other meds too of course, that path seems to work well for me.

[Azgirl]

Rhi you inspire me

[Rhiannon]

Hi Rhi,I skimmed your neuroplasticity thread last night. Wondering if you have any additional thought now a few months out? I am thinking this is really the big scientific question in WD....is it just wait for time to work, or is a more active stance needed/helpful? If so, what are the best practices? Thanks...for all you do! Meimei

 

I found that the practices from the Gupta program I was doing worked pretty well.  The simplest and most effective has been a type of mindfulness meditation that actually is much like you can find elsewhere--just feeling whatever you're feeling and not resisting it. He uses the expression "welcome it like a guest into your home." Just feeling it, whatever the discomfort is, and being with it and not resisting it. Sometimes I can even get to a place of feeling comforted and happy with it. 

 

When I do the exercises they do seem to work. The chemical sensitivities that I initially got into the program for have reduced considerably. 

 

Seems like when I went to working nights back in October 2012 I kind of slacked off on keeping up with things. Should probably get back to it.

[Rhiannon]

Feeling moderately crappy today. Would rather be feeling only mildly crappy. Oh well, that's what I get for making another cut in my meds.

 

It's so annoying that I seem to have to go more slowly with my taper now at these low doses, just like everyone does.

 

But I can't complain too much. I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I'm going out of town Thursday for a ten-day trip, and I think I'm feeling well enough to manage that okay. 

[alex]

Rhi, if you are going for a ten day trip, you are FINE!

I haven`t been able to even think about not sleeping in my bed for almost a year b/C of insomnia.

 

I'm glad for you.

[Skyler]

Feeling moderately crappy today. Would rather be feeling only mildly crappy. Oh well, that's what I get for making another cut in my meds.

 

It's so annoying that I seem to have to go more slowly with my taper now at these low doses, just like everyone does.

 

But I can't complain too much. I'm doing pretty well, all things considered. I'm going out of town Thursday for a ten-day trip, and I think I'm feeling well enough to manage that okay. 

 

I hope you have a much deserved marvelous time!

[basildev]

I hope you have a great time Rhi:)

[Rhiannon]

Aw thanks. It's not really as fun a vacation as I would like, I'm going to visit parents and family in Texas. My mom was diagnosed with multiple myeloma this past spring and I'd like to see her and just give her some support. Unfortunately my family is toxic and crazy, and they live right in the Rio Grande valley area where it's super hot this time of year, so it's not so much about the fun. But I'm glad to be able to support my mom.  We were estranged for many years. I'll get to see a brother I like too.

 

And mostly just give my mom a chance to talk and be listened to--she doesn't really have anyone in her life to do that. I think I can handle it, although five days will be the longest time I've spent with her in a decade or so.

 

And I'm stopping in New Mexico on the way back to visit my daughter, which will be nice, except I'll be sleeping on the floor, which means mostly not sleeping much at all. Still, I'll survive.  But probably not come back feeling rested.

[Altostrata]

Have a good trip, Rhi.

[areyouthere]

Dito.... safe travels!! See you on the flip side

[Petunia]

I just read you whole thread Rhi, you have come a long way and have been through a lot.  I'm left wondering what happened with that abusive guy at your job.

 

Thank you for staying here to help us, even though you don't post much on your own thread.  I hope you enjoy your trip to visit family and that it goes well.

[tezza]

Have a safe and enjoyable trip!

[Rhiannon]

OUCH. Having a bad wave, worst in a long time.

 

I seem to have used up all my slack with Ambien now. I have been able to use it intermittently at low doses to help move my sleep schedule back and forth for night shift, but since I've been doing that since I started night shift in October, apparently I've sensitized my CNS to it.

 

Because I used it throughout my trip because I have trouble sleeping when I travel, and when I came back from the trip I tried to quit and threw myself into terrible, classic withdrawal, with benzo type anxiety attacks and cortisol "mornings" (mine happen in the afternoon because that's my schedule) and general CNS hypersensitivity (can't handle sounds, bright light, intense sensations) and autonomic instability with nausea and lack of appetite. Oh, and all those fun thoughts about wanting my life to be over NOW and how everything is terrible and hopeless for real.

 

Okay, silver lining, because silver linings is What I Do: I'm getting a reminder of what it's like to be acutely ill with withdrawal, so maybe I'll be better at supporting people going through it. Although actually I didn't need this because I remember pretty darn well from the past what it was like and sure enough, I seem to have been remembering accurately, it was a lot like this.

 

Fortunately I live with this person named Rhi who seems to have a lot of good ideas about stabilizing and tapering with these stupid neurotransmitter-screwing-up drugs and if I can just bring myself to take her advice, it's probably pretty good. So I'm doing the right things, mostly, I think, to the extent that my brain is able to consistently work anyway. Time to watch my carbs and disaccharides again for a while; am taking a stable dose of Ambien now consistently (to stabilize and taper); am holding all my other meds except the Valium, which I have bumped up from 1.6 to 1.7 and may go up to 1.8.

 

Anyway mostly just need to confess (I screwed up sheesh I am so not perfect!) and get virtual hugs because I am now feeling like crap crap crap.

 

grumble. yuck.

[Edted]

Rhi:

The good thing about falling off wagons is you get good at climbing back on. I'm far too uptight to send hugs, but here's a heartfelt, gentle pat on the hand.... And another one for the Rhi you live with.

Best wishes,

Ed