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Why am I having more bad days then good


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32 male

Ok so gonna try and keep this simple but detailed if makes sense...Reinstated 6 weeks ago after nasty month long WD symptoms mainly tight chest and tremours towards the end and immediately felt good as soon as I took the drug one eve. I reinstated 5mg every other day then noticed a bad 2 days after a week which I thought was odd?? so took it every day. After 1 good week noticed a 3 bad days?? I decided to gradually increase to 10mg over space of 2 weeks as I read on here if having WD symptoms slightly increase a bit but not much but had bad insomina so went bk to 5mg! YES I KNOW BAD MOVE With in 2 days had the worst WD ever akathesia, no sleep, no eat, pure panic attacks that last 3 days! I stuck to 5mg and after 3 days felt really good again like nothing happened for 5 days till....last 4 days been having same problems but slight less akathesia but pure anxiety all day followed by panic attacks in the middle of them all with intrusive thoughts
my questions-

why the hell am I getting more bad days then good lately? Literally can’t function not working at the mo. Yes I know I yo-yo’ed but still I have stuck to five now for 2 weeks solid and not stable at all! 
judgin by my story yes I shouldn’t of gone down to 5mg maybe stayed at 8mg or something after reaching 10mg . But why am I gettin these crazy symptoms? Is my CNS sorting it self out? 
should I make my way slowly bk to 10mgs over the next few weeks-could run the risk of more disturbance? Or 20mg where I came from? 
( currently packing for holiday freaking out how I am going to feel for week abroad in Spain but don’t want upset GF) 

All theories welcome 🙏 any questions please ask 



20mg citlopram 2014-2019 (every other day) 2018-  Nov- 2019/ Nov 10% taper to 2.5mg and jumped off/2019 Nov 20th- WD symptoms- noticed tight chest, tremors, no appetite so reinstated to 5mgs stabilised for 2 weeks then noticed tight chest slight anxiety/1st Dec upped to 7mgs citlopram . 
Dec15th upped to 10mg had severe insomnia and anxiety. 
Dec18- dropped to 5mgs  delayed reaction bad Akathisia 2 days later( severe adrenaline, shakes couldn’t eat sleep for 3 days. diazepam 4mg when worst symptoms appear but very rarely use.

 5mgs currently not stabilised yet.




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