Jump to content
hopehope

hopehope: in desperate need of advice

Recommended Posts

hopehope

Hi,

 

I am surfing this forum for over 2 years now.

 

I took Mirtazapine in septembre 2017 prescribed by psychiatrist 15mg for 5 days and stopped because I felt "off", very dizzy & personality changes.

 

Developed severe problems just after stopping. Could not talk on day 1, words would not come... 3 weeks later sleep was gone... so I sporadically took 7,5mg sometimes.

 

Anyways... in Octobre I got into Psychiatry and Neurology to check out if I got some serious illnesss because I did not understand what was happening & could not connect it with the meds, thought they are totally benign.

 

I got quetiapine & took it with low dose mirtazapine & developed dystonia & akathisia & stopped sleeping but still did not know what was happening so I CTed.

 

After that I had 20 days no sleep, akathisia & all withdrawal/adverse symptoms imaginable. I could not relax or drift of to bed no matter what.

 

This changed after 20 days I slept but it was toxic sleep.. like not the normal one I am used to... it was more like I slept because my brain couldn't manage it any longer. I still woke up with cortisol flashes every morning & akathisia. 

 

So I got on klonopin 1mg and life was somewhat ok... i tapered down to 0.5mg 3 months later and thought this will all go away soon, except that it didn't.

 

----

 

I complained of worsening vision, hearing, weakened perception of bodily sensations.... I feel like my body is still going through severe adverse/withdrawal reactions 25 months later...

I feel like I sleep but I actually don't because since this started I feel like I am on cumulative sleep deprivation even though I sleep....

 

My body could manage cortisol spikes  for a good year but then it got more and more derealized so I upped & upped the dose of klonopin till 8mg...

 

I have no idea what to do now... my problem is that I feel like I haven't slept for a year or so.... even though I sleep because my symptoms are super super weird derealization.

 

I feel like my mental space has gotten less and less for the last 2 years... Like if there is loud noise somewhere I can not talk because it takes over my brain... I have physically difficulty talking

because it takes much more mental space to form sentences....

 

I feel like I am a complete outlier here because I can't idenfity myself with anybody who has symptoms like me.

 

I am 27 and I just feel completely asleep while awake but not in a fun way anymore as I did in the first year. My vision & hearing are so completely off that I have serious difficulty percieving watching at my phone or something....

 

When I look into a room I literally feel like I am not processing enough...

 

I wonder whether I should take some antipsychotics or antidepressants again because I literally feel completely hopeless, it's been too long already and I fear losing everything.... I can't continue living like this.


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Gridley

Welcome to SA, hopehope.  I'm sorry you're going through this and dealing with these terrible symptoms.

 

It appears that you had an adverse reaction to both the Mirtazapine and the Quetiapine, meaning your body could not tolerate them.  Brassmonkey, one of our moderators, wrote the following about adverse reactions:

 

"But I only took it for a Week

 

I think that some of the most unfortunate members we have are the ones who only took the drug for a short time and had an Adverse Reaction. Over the years I’ve seen a good number of members join who have taken their drugs for one day to a week and then stopped.  Yet they are suffering very acute symptoms.  This is an Adverse Reaction, acute symptoms that hit immediately and hard.  


The good news is that their body will sort itself out and they will return to normal.  The bad news is, it’s going to take a long time and there is nothing that will speed up the process.  There are a lot of coping strategies and tools that will help soften the experience, but time is the only thing that will cure it.    All the members I have known have made full recoveries."

 

                                                                                   ---------------------------------------------

 

So, the good news is that you will heal, though it will take time.  We don't know how much time.  We do know that it will be longer than you would like and that it will be frustrating.  To be experiencing these symptoms 25 months later is not uncommon.

 

 You mentioned wondering whether you should take some antipsychotics or antidepressants again.  We are a site for going off drugs and, as such, we don't advise members to go on additional drugs.  It is your decision.  I would point out that you had a very bad reaction to the antidepressant and antipsychotic you took.  

 

The symptoms of an adverse reaction and withdrawal are similar.  So that you may have a better understanding of what you're experiencing, here is some information of withdrawal and common withdrawal/adverse reaction symptoms.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF)

 

This link explains the healing process.

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

We recommend using non-drug techniques to cope with withdrawal/adverse reaction symptoms.  Take a look at the links in the following link and see which you think might benefit you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

Sleep difficulties are one of the most common withdrawal/adverse reaction symptoms.  Eventually it will resolve.

 

Tips to help sleep - so many of us have that awful withdrawal insomnia

 

Relaxation exercises, guided meditations, calming videos, sleep hypnosis

 

Tricks and tips to fall asleep faster

 

http://articles.mercola.com/sites/articles/archive/2017/02/16/tips-tricks-fall-asleep-faster.aspx?utm_source=dnl&utm_medium=email&utm_content=art1&utm_campaign=20170216Z1&et_cid=DM133787&et_rid=1889748952

 

This link contains helpful information, including insomnia and also non-drug coping skills.  

 

 Important topics about symptoms, including sleep problems

 

Some members have found Melatonin helpful with insomnia.   

 

Melatonin for sleep   

 

It's best to start at a very low dosage, such as .25mg, and gradually increase if needed to the lowest effective dose.  

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 11month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, resumed a few months later. CT 2000.  1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept, 2016 increased to 0.5 X 3 in split dose. Sept. 2019 increased to 0.625 X 3 after crossover to new brand

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Thanks a Lot 

What's your opinion on my klonopin Dose & withdrawal/adverse effects?

I feel I can barely hold on especially socially my brain doesn't register anything... Everything hat gotten worse 25 Months Out.. is this a normal pattern? I've been cushioning my withdrawal/adverse Mix with benzos. I don't know what to do. I have difficulty even Tapering 2.5% I worry If time Passes I Just sit there and am almost brain dead but awake... It's so hard Just to watch at the screen and See so little Pixels.. It might be catastrophic thinking but I felt that way for too Long...


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Gridley
2 hours ago, hopehope said:

I've been cushioning my withdrawal/adverse Mix with benzo

 

8mg is a high dose, higher than recommended.  Dependence on benzos can happen within 2-4 weeks of regular usage and you're way beyond that.  After dependence you're no longer getting the original benefit from the drug and are just staving off withdrawal.  You're really on a high dose and I'd begin a 10% taper.

 

Why taper by 10% of my dosage?

 

I'm going to ask Shep, our benzo expert, to take a look at your benzo situation.

 

2 hours ago, hopehope said:

Everything hat gotten worse 25 Months Out.. is this a normal pattern?

 

There is just no way to predict how long symptoms will persist.  Two years out is not unusual.


Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 11month taper is 100% complete.

 

Lorazepam 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, resumed a few months later. CT 2000.  1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept, 2016 increased to 0.5 X 3 in split dose. Sept. 2019 increased to 0.625 X 3 after crossover to new brand

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 15mg.  Aug 2016, discovered SA, updosed to 25mg and holding.  Taper is 66% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

Share this post


Link to post
Shep

Hi, Hopehope. Welcome to Surviving Antidepressants from me, too. 

 

Is Klonopin your only drug now? What time(s) of the day are you taking it? Are you taking any supplements? If so, please list them. 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Hi,

 

I feel my Situation is an emergency.

 

Because it is different from anything I have ever read in here

 

The whole theme of my withdrawals for the past 25 months was that my brain was functioning on "less" energy every week for Like ever Till this day... I function with 1/1000 of my brain because I feel it was kept awake for so Long even though I sleep. I mean it literally and not metaphorically. I do Not feel myself existing Not in a dp/dr way but rather I Just don't percieve enough Pixels & Light with my senses INSIDE and Outside.. all of these effects have been cumulative and indicative for me that there is some iatrogenic Degeneration Process going on for which I have No explanation. I desperately need Help... I could manage this 3 Months ago still but now feel I've lost too much... I have never found anybody on this Forum having similar issues and feel totally hopeless.

 

I Take klonopin

3mg at 1pm 2.5mg at 6pm and 2,5mg at 11pm

 

Supplements:

Mg 3-4 Times a week

Zinc 3-4 Times a week

Vitamin D 

 

I honestly feel everything is pointless... I Had 1 year acute Phase with Tons of Symptoms but now i percieve the world Like an ant, I Access only 1/1000 amount of Data than what I used before. This is way beyond derealization as it's a felt State and was progressive. but it is difficult to compensate now which Takes all Joy I Had while being 1,5 years Out still...

 

Don't know If anybody even remotely understands what I'm trying to say.

 

But I need Help.

 


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Shep

Hope, you are massively over-drugged. Try not to go into hopeless thinking because you can taper off this drug and heal. And even on this massive amount, you are doing a great job of writing out your information. You're going to be fine. 

 

Eventually you'll want to get a scale or look into doing a liquid titration, but for now, you could use a pill cutter to make a .5 mg reduction, which is a 6.25% reduction off your total dose. We recommend going no faster than 10% a month off the previous month's reduction (not the original dose). So this is a very safe amount to reduce. 

 

Another suggestion is to take the same supplements every day at the same time (instead of 3-4 times a week). This is the gentlest on your nervous system, which is craving stability. 

 

Please post your thoughts on making a .5 mg Klonopin reduction. 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope
14 hours ago, Shep said:

Hope, you are massively over-drugged. Try not to go into hopeless thinking because you can taper off this drug and heal. And even on this massive amount, you are doing a great job of writing out your information. You're going to be fine. 

 

Eventually you'll want to get a scale or look into doing a liquid titration, but for now, you could use a pill cutter to make a .5 mg reduction, which is a 6.25% reduction off your total dose. We recommend going no faster than 10% a month off the previous month's reduction (not the original dose). So this is a very safe amount to reduce. 

 

Another suggestion is to take the same supplements every day at the same time (instead of 3-4 times a week). This is the gentlest on your nervous system, which is craving stability. 

 

Please post your thoughts on making a .5 mg Klonopin reduction. 

Thank you for your Help...

But the drug itself is Not the Problem.. it is Just worsening the Problem.

I agree with Tapering Off and I tried tapering 0.5mg 4 Times already...

 

The Problem is some Type of mental akathisia because I can't explain why I am constantly getting reduced Overall Processing capacity... And I Wonder If I should reinstate Mirtazapine...  

 

I used to have chronic fatigue and Burnout and was very Happy about the new found Energy the First year but now my brain runs 3x faster than it should...

 

I don't Post here and I barely use the Internet but seriously this is an emergency... I tried to hold on for 25 months but I have No Symptom Changes but reduced awareness and Cortisol Spikes that I can't handle.

 

I don't think I'm getting understood.

For 15 months In had percieved daily reduction in what my 5 senses could take in. As Well as my brain function mimics chronic cumulative sleep Deprivation...

 

When I've lost awareness over the past 2 days for example I didn't get it Back.. I Just Had to live with that and compensate around that. I have No safety net I can Land onto.. but nobody gets it... I'm Out of reserves for Fürther reductions... Hence I Post that I desperately need advice...

 

I thought all this would Stabilize and I could Start my taper but apparently it's Just Not doing so...

 

What I am saying is for the past 25 months my brain Energy went Out the Windows for nothing and my brain homeostatically didn't get it back... And now I can't handle it anymore...

 

Nobody has this Symptoms... I also haven't found anybody on here or in benzobuddies who I can even sligthly relate to...

 

I feel even more Alone that there are Forums Like this and I can't fit myself Into any category.

 

I Had all normal acute Symptoms but this one goes beyond the Scale...

 

Thanks anyway. I Hope I still get Help somehow even though I am really a pain in the A** currently...

 

Must be something unique to my brain to have those issues I guess. I don't know, I can't believe I'm still going through this and Nobody understands me. 

 

I get very few dopamine hits because the objects and Things I'm percieving require more Processing Power than I currently have... It's all been a progressive Rollercoaster all along.

 

Thanks again.

 

 


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Waiting for replies. Thanks


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
manymoretodays

Hi hopehope and welcome aboard,

And thankyou for getting your signature done and some of your information sorted out for us.

 

On 2/7/2020 at 7:11 AM, hopehope said:

Thank you for your Help...

But the drug itself is Not the Problem.. it is Just worsening the Problem.

I agree with Tapering Off and I tried tapering 0.5mg 4 Times already...

 

The Problem is some Type of mental akathisia because I can't explain why I am constantly getting reduced Overall Processing capacity... And I Wonder If I should reinstate Mirtazapine...  

 

I used to have chronic fatigue and Burnout and was very Happy about the new found Energy the First year but now my brain runs 3x faster than it should...

 

I don't Post here and I barely use the Internet but seriously this is an emergency... I tried to hold on for 25 months but I have No Symptom Changes but reduced awareness and Cortisol Spikes that I can't handle.

 

I don't think I'm getting understood.

For 15 months In had percieved daily reduction in what my 5 senses could take in. As Well as my brain function mimics chronic cumulative sleep Deprivation...

 

You are posting well ^.  For now, if I were you I would hold off on any reinstatements of past medications.  Give us a chance to get to know you a bit better.  And then, we mainly do support around tapering and WD(withdrawal).  When it comes to adding new medications that is best done with a doctor, as hard as that often can be, to find one who understands WDsyndrome.

 

On 2/6/2020 at 3:56 PM, hopehope said:

I Take klonopin

3mg at 1pm 2.5mg at 6pm and 2,5mg at 11pm

 

Supplements:

Mg 3-4 Times a week

Zinc 3-4 Times a week

Vitamin D 

 

This will be helpful to us, as well:  Keep daily notes

(take a look at the link ^, and I extracted a bit below for you)

What you have above helps, but just add to it, in a simple form, something like this:

Time and dosage for all drugs taken throughout the day, psychiatric and non-psychiatric.

- Following each dose, note any symptoms. If you are having a reaction to the drug, it may take hours for a symptom to show up -- that's why we ask you to keep notes all day long.

- If you're not taking any drugs, your symptoms throughout the day.

- Your sleep pattern. Since so many drugs disturb sleep, if you find you're waking in the middle of the night, it could be from a drug you took earlier in the evening. If you're not taking any drugs, there may be ways you can improve your sleep.

And so forth. A diary, in chronological order, looking something like this:
 
6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 

And then for now too, go on up and look at the post that Gridley did, as far as some of the non-drug coping goes.

 

I did go ahead and flag your most recent post as well, for further consideration by staff.  Sometimes other members input can be invaluable too.  So.......be patient and hopefully, in time, further relief of some of your symptoms and support will happen. 

 

Also see:  The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

And best, you are not alone here, many with similar scenarios.........truly!

 

Love, peace, healing, and growth,

manymoretodays(mmt)


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Share this post


Link to post
Shep

How are you doing, hopehope? 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope
On 2/10/2020 at 11:51 AM, Shep said:

How are you doing, hopehope? 

Considering ending it but seriously and badly not wanting to. I Post my Symptoms but get no answers as Nobody has them. I've been in this board for over 2 years. I've Had all acute wd symptoms, what's left is Processing capacity reduced daily for 15 months, Nobody knows how it incredibly hopeless this feels at this Stage. I try to be & keep polite but it's very difficult.

I was asking to reinstate mirtazapine because I took it Not Just 5 days nur Here and there for a month since C/T because sleep was gone and maybe the Problem could Reverse itself but it's a gamble I guess. Nowhere to Go but to wait and Hope?


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Shep
28 minutes ago, hopehope said:

I've been in this board for over 2 years.

 

Hope, you just signed up for the forum 7 days ago. Do you have another account here? If so, what is your other username? 

 

29 minutes ago, hopehope said:

I Post my Symptoms but get no answers as Nobody has them.

 

Do you have any symptoms that aren't on this list?

 

Ashton Manual - Symptoms

 

 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Yes, the one I've mentioned...

 

I've been browsing this Forum for over two years


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Shep
40 minutes ago, hopehope said:

Yes, the one I've mentioned...

 

Hope, please list this symptom. I'm not sure what you are talking about. 

 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

"what's left is Processing capacity reduced daily for 15 months," I mentioned it in every post


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Shep
21 minutes ago, hopehope said:

"what's left is Processing capacity reduced daily for 15 months," I mentioned it in every post

 

That's an extremely common symptom, Hope.  Lots of people have trouble with brain processing capacity due to benzos. 

 

Please see:

 

Brain Fog: Blank mind, comprehension, concentration cognitive and memory problems

 

In addition to brain fog, you may have anterograde amnesia, which can be caused by benzodiazepines. This affects short term memory and the ability to learn new material or even remember what you just did. 

 

You're on an extremely high dose of a very potent benzodiazepine. This is what's likely causing your symptoms.  If you feel that you have something that isn't related to this drug, please work with your doctor. 

 

Otherwise, please post a daily drug and symptoms journal, as Manymoredays posted about earlier in your thread. Here is what she wrote (an example is listed in blue):

 

On 2/8/2020 at 11:41 AM, manymoretodays said:

This will be helpful to us, as well:  Keep daily notes

(take a look at the link ^, and I extracted a bit below for you)

What you have above helps, but just add to it, in a simple form, something like this:

Time and dosage for all drugs taken throughout the day, psychiatric and non-psychiatric.

- Following each dose, note any symptoms. If you are having a reaction to the drug, it may take hours for a symptom to show up -- that's why we ask you to keep notes all day long.

- If you're not taking any drugs, your symptoms throughout the day.

- Your sleep pattern. Since so many drugs disturb sleep, if you find you're waking in the middle of the night, it could be from a drug you took earlier in the evening. If you're not taking any drugs, there may be ways you can improve your sleep.

And so forth. A diary, in chronological order, looking something like this:
 
6 a.m. Woke with anxiety
8 a.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
10 a.m. Stomach is upset
10:30 a.m. Ate breakfast
11:35 a.m. Got a headache, lasted one hour
12:35 p.m. Ate lunch
4 p.m. Feel a bit better
5 p.m. Took 2.5mg Lexapro
6 p.m. Ate dinner
9:20 p.m. Headache
10:00 p.m. Took 50mg Seroquel
10:20 p.m. Feeling dizzy
10:30 p.m. Fell asleep
2:30 a.m. Woke, took 3mg Ambien (NOT "took 1/2 tablet Ambien")
2:45 a.m. Fell asleep
4:30 a.m. Woke but got back to sleep

 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

I have a few Symptoms of these but these are Not what I'm talking about at all! I am talking about actual linear reduction in total awareness Not some Symptoms that Change or come and Go.

 

I don't percieve sufficient light & space & it affects everything I do.

 

Ex: I can't Imagine going for a Walk because my brain tells me there's too much Input for me to handle.

 

I don't percieve friends next to Me while doing something, they literally vanish from my awareness Like they are Not there.

 

I don't feel myself showering because of requires more awareness than I have.

 

I don't percieve the weather Outside the Window

 

I don't feel myself lying in bed

 

It's like I need 100 megabytes to feel/percieve something fully but Got only 1.

 

This all started with the meds.

 

It's like derealization without depersonalisation in steroids but feels more Like brain damage.

 

The worst Part is IT was never Static

...

 

Once I lost some awareness in a week or a few days I never got it Back... The mental despair it causes is immense..

 

 

 

It is very Abstract...

 

 


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Therefore I think of reinstating Mirtazapine because I can't go any longer Like this... And still the Situation was completely different every 3 Months ago.... My brain Just works around all this barely keeping Up... There's Lack of cushioning that I still Had a year ago...which makes or so hard right now.

 

 


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Shep
5 minutes ago, hopehope said:

Therefore I think of reinstating Mirtazapine because I can't go any longer Like this.

 

Hope, you were only on mirtazapine for 5 days. So you weren't on it long enough to become dependent on it. 

 

So this wouldn't be a reinstatement. You would be adding in another drug. And it's a drug that comes with an interaction with Klonopin. Please see:

 

Drug Interaction Report - Mirtazapine and Klonopin

 

If you add this drug in, you'll need to work with your doctor. You're already on a very dangerous amount of Klonopin, so adding in a drug that will interact with it will make your situation even more dangerous. 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

I took it longer than 5 days. I took it sporadically when the real withdrawal kicked in 3 weeks after ct and I couldn't sleep also I took it at the psychiatry a few more days in low doses because I hadn't slept there & had akathisia. But a month max. Didn't post it in sig because I don't rememeber how much I took there but all hell broke lose after the psychiatry. (Gridley said to taper off after 1 month use so I was wondering) I don't want to lose my life and make a wrong decision, there's no room for that & at the same time I got to stay relaxed... Did that for 2 years now... I am getting way to desperate.


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata

We're very familiar with this symptom pattern. It's not at all different from what we see every day. You are disoriented from the drugs and withdrawal.

 

You are currently taking a massive dose of Klonopin that is adding to your mental disorientation.

 

11 hours ago, hopehope said:

I have a few Symptoms of these but these are Not what I'm talking about at all! I am talking about actual linear reduction in total awareness Not some Symptoms that Change or come and Go.

 

I don't percieve sufficient light & space & it affects everything I do.

 

Ex: I can't Imagine going for a Walk because my brain tells me there's too much Input for me to handle.

 

I don't percieve friends next to Me while doing something, they literally vanish from my awareness Like they are Not there.

 

I don't feel myself showering because of requires more awareness than I have.

 

I don't percieve the weather Outside the Window

 

I don't feel myself lying in bed

 

It's like I need 100 megabytes to feel/percieve something fully but Got only 1.

 

This all started with the meds.

 

It's like derealization without depersonalisation in steroids but feels more Like brain damage.

 

The worst Part is IT was never Static

...

 

Once I lost some awareness in a week or a few days I never got it Back... The mental despair it causes is immense..

 

 

 

It is very Abstract...

 

 

 

 

Please list your drug schedule and symptom pattern as Shep requested here

 

If we don't have this information, we can't help you.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope
1 hour ago, Altostrata said:

We're very familiar with this symptom pattern. It's not at all different from what we see every day. You are disoriented from the drugs and withdrawal.

 

You are currently taking a massive dose of Klonopin that is adding to your mental disorientation.

 

 

 

Please list your drug schedule and symptom pattern as Shep requested here

 

If we don't have this information, we can't help you.

Thanks,

 

I try and so what you Said. What's your opinion on reinstatement of mirtazapine, referring to the Post above?

 

And daily reduction in overall awareness (that one does Not seem to get Back) for 15 months+ is a Common Symptom?


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
manymoretodays
On 2/13/2020 at 7:29 PM, hopehope said:

Thanks,

 

I try and so what you Said. What's your opinion on reinstatement of mirtazapine, referring to the Post above?

 

And daily reduction in overall awareness (that one does Not seem to get Back) for 15 months+ is a Common Symptom?

 

Hi hopehope,

I think that your symptom of overall awareness being decreased is likely due to both the large dose of Klonopin that you are presently on, as well as some persistent WD(withdrawal) from when you tried to decrease it down from just 1 mg, almost 2 years ago now.

Like Shep said, that 8 mg dose that you are currently on, is very high.

Here's a list of common side effects of Klopnopin from Drugs.com:  https://www.drugs.com/sfx/klonopin-side-effects.html

 

Please give a try at the daily notes.  That will enable us to get a better picture, of how to advise you, if that is something that you desire.  

I sure don't think that adding mirtazapine now is going to be any help with your current symptoms. 

How is your sleep?

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

 

 


Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Hi,

 

"as well as some persistent WD(withdrawal) from when you tried to decrease it down from just 1 mg, almost 2 years ago now."

 

can you Tell me what you mean?

 

thanks


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
manymoretodays

Well, I was looking at your signature:

 

"Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin"

 

 In regards to the Klonopin, I see a 50% reduction, then followed by full reinstatement of 1 mg Klonopin.

And then subsequent increases in dosage.  All the way up to your present daily dose of it now.

 

Shep can tell you more, around benzo's. But, from my current understanding, benzo reinstatements need to be done within a certain time frame, to be effective. 

So.....I am just thinking that you wound up in some fierce WD, perhaps, from the Klonopin, back in 2017.  And then this has been chased by ever increasing doses of it, ever since.

Or, look at it as nervous system dysregulation even.  That has then been treated with increasing doses of Klonopin from 2017 to present.

 

Hope that makes my thinking clearer hopehope.  I have always been able to get some further hope going, once I understand what is or had been(for me) going on.

We work off a harm reduction approach to coming off meds and tapering down.  50% reductions can be, and are, for many, very harsh.

And then I see a lot of on and off various medications too, some of which I think you reported having adverse effects of.  That seems to be prior to you starting on Klonopin.

 

Best.

 

 

Edited by manymoretodays

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

Thanks. I tapered over 3 months the 1mg

And it seems Like Nobody understands what I mean in Detail or answers my real questions actually.

 

Thanks


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
manymoretodays

Hi hopehope,

 

Sorry you feel misunderstood.

3 mg's 1 mg over 3 months sounds pretty fast!  From a starting dose of 1 mg.

 

I think you might be grossly overmedicated hopehope.  And then with protracted WDsyndrome thrown in.  It can make symptoms really tough.  We know.  Honestly, we do.

On 2/13/2020 at 7:29 PM, hopehope said:

And daily reduction in overall awareness (that one does Not seem to get Back) for 15 months+ is a Common Symptom?

 I'm seeing an increase in the Klonopin in the past 15 months.  And so some of the symptom that you refer to ^, can certainly be due to the Klonopin.  And yes, common response to high dose benzo.

 

On 2/13/2020 at 7:29 PM, hopehope said:

I try and so what you Said. What's your opinion on reinstatement of mirtazapine, referring to the Post above?

I do see that Shep addressed this question.  If you go on back a few posts you'll see that response.

 

And, I don't really think adding mirtazapine is a great idea either, from what you have described symptom wise.  It could just make things tougher.  And then there IS the interaction with mirt and clonazepam.

 

And we are not really a site for medication advisement, when it comes to folks wanting to add more, etc.  We are specifically focused on helping with tapering and WDsyndrome, and support around that.  

Please see:  About SurvivingAntidepressants  There is a mission statement there and more about us.  It's in the Read this First forum.  And no worries if you had not read this, many others who come here, feeling desperate, and don't get familiar for awhile.

 

If you are desiring to stay medicated long term, then perhaps some of the depression forums might be more useful.  Or even some of the benzo forums.

 

On 2/4/2020 at 7:04 AM, hopehope said:

I have no idea what to do now... my problem is that I feel like I haven't slept for a year or so.... even though I sleep because my symptoms are super super weird derealization.

 

I feel like my mental space has gotten less and less for the last 2 years... Like if there is loud noise somewhere I can not talk because it takes over my brain... I have physically difficulty talking

because it takes much more mental space to form sentences....

 

I feel like I am a complete outlier here because I can't idenfity myself with anybody who has symptoms like me.

 

I am 27 and I just feel completely asleep while awake but not in a fun way anymore as I did in the first year. My vision & hearing are so completely off that I have serious difficulty percieving watching at my phone or something....

 

When I look into a room I literally feel like I am not processing enough...

 

I wonder whether I should take some antipsychotics or antidepressants again because I literally feel completely hopeless, it's been too long already and I fear losing everything.... I can't continue living like this.

 

Were there other questions that you had, hopehope.  I'm just not seeing any that have been missed.

It does sound like you are searching for some answers for yourself now? 

We do our best, to give you information, but cannot directly find all the answers that you are seeking now.

I'd love to see you stick around, and perhaps, when ready, begin a really cautious taper, even by less % than you have tried before.  And begin to feel supported, here.  I mean if that IS your decision going forward.  It's tough, and hard, and takes time until symptoms start to feel better......

And so sorry, you have not felt much of a window, to date.   The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization.

Sometimes, when one feels the worst, it is right before a window occurs.  And so.......it's well worth waiting for.

Derealization or Depersonalization(DR and DP)

^ I don't know if you are getting around the site yet, so adding this link here now, too.  You might find something that makes you feel less alone with symptoms.  That might offer comfort.

 

hopehope, it took me a long time to discover my own resilience and ability to thrive and bounce back from adversity.  If I could do it, so can you I think.

 

And so......another link for you today too:

Again, chemical imbalance is a myth. Stop the Lies Please.

 

I don't want you to continue feeling so hopeless, and oh hopehope, you are at such a young age.  Please don't let your fears take over your life now.  Do you have some support people in your life now?  Family or friends?  I am hoping so.  And I do see where you mentioned that tapering, even 2.5 % of your dose, was very difficult.  So......you could go down by even less that, while learning and practicing some of the many non-drug coping skills that most of us have had to adopt, while getting on the road to healing and recovery.

 

I don't think that you ARE as alone here, as you feel hopehope.  None of our cases are exactly the same, but many, many similarities between us all.

 

We'd love to see some daily notes hopehope, if you do decide to stick around here.  You'll see my more detailed response on how to do them above.  They can be so helpful.  We can see how your symptoms occur in relationship to your drug(s) and other supplements, and get a better idea of sleep patterns, etc.

 

Hope you see or feel some sunshine today hopehope!  Even if just a bit.

 

Best,

(((((hopehope hugs))))))

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays
additional link, correction first line, strike out

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

Share this post


Link to post
Icip

Hi @hopehope,

 

I took Sertraline for five days and feel like all of my senses have been blunted.

Eyes don’t seem to get enough light in dark areas, but too much in bright ones. It’s almost like a scrape, or like my visual cortex/centre is ‘sore’. Everything feels so sharp.

My hearing is blunted too, I used to be so receptive to sound. Kind of nice in a way as I can sleep more easily.

 

Do you have staticky vision?

 

I hope you’re doing ok,

 

Icip. 


Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken.

 

Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days.

 

Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening.

 

Main symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog.

 

Drug free.

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

So it's been 18 or 19 months since I've been experiencing daily reduction in Overall mental space and I'm absolutely flabbergasted not to have found anybody with even remotely similar issues

 

It has nothing to so with brain fog nor the high K dosage since the daily thing started happening somewhere around the end of octobre 2018 where my equiv of benzo was 0.5 of K.

 

Maybe If those people actually existed they would not usw their phones or Laptops to post here.

 

Thanks anyway..

 

Before you reply pleased consider "daily reduction" in mental space (all 5 senses) because it has nothing to so with brain fog or typical dpdr which is rather consistent. 

 

It feels so sad to have this had caused by those drugs in 2017 when I Had the daily reductions of mind space where I didn't sleep for 30 days and having absolutely nobody to relate with.

 

Especially since it's this forum and I'm about to reach the 3 year mark of avg. healing times from adverse reactions...

 

I don't know what to say and have to leave my sadness here.


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Icip

Hi @hopehope,

How have you been filling your days so far?

I can say that I can relate to what you’ve written; though when you say mental space, do you mean that you can’t think as well/your inner voice is more quiet, mental processing has diminished, loss of sensitivity in hearing etc?

 

I feel like I’ve lost part of my brain, that I’m just empty and flat - nothing in there. I’m at the ten month mark of an adverse reaction.

 

Can you relate at all? At the start of my reaction - I had my creativity, I had my joy, emotions, and ability to feel. Though it’s all just gotten worse over those ten months, it doesn’t feel like anything described on the site does it?

 

I’m not too sure what to call it, but I’ll do some digging + hopefully another member can post their insights.

 

If you want to talk about it, please DM me. I feel like this phrase is appropriate here, ‘you have to knock it all down, to build it back up again’ - if that’s even a phrase.

 

Take care,

 

Icip.


Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken.

 

Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days.

 

Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening.

 

Main symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog.

 

Drug free.

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope

So in 1 month I am approaching the 3 year mark off of ADs and and the antipsychotic that really did it to me back then.... still not having found anybody who I can identify with.

 

I'm kind of on one side flabbergasted that that my lowering of consciousness is still continuing and on the other side I find it's just a stupid joke.

 

Icip I relate with all your reactions I've had/have them.

 

Here's how I percieve my situation:

 

-I feel like there's like a daily reduction my catecholamine receptor sensitivity because the first year I was extremely overstimulated waking up at 7... Year 2 Waking Up at 10... then 12:45 became the norm... this I cortisol high times... At those times I am also mentally awake... then it took me to 6 pm really till I was sort of awake... and now it takes like till 11 pm.... all cortisol times

-The longer this goes the less pleasure I get from things.

-With mental space I mean pretty much every aspect of my life. See/Hear/Feel/Think/Intuit/Percieve/Conceptualize less... when I am in bed I don't know how my pillow lies, how I am laying there and what not. When I am standing I am not aware I am standing I am like almost unconscious of me being in a standing position.

-One out of thousand examples... I try to do a breathing excercise but I don't notice that I am breathing I have to put all my total focus on it while previously I could to 10 other things while doing so... same with everything else I do

-When somebody talks I don't hear them speak unless I put all my complete attention on it whilst before I would notice every single detail of the conversation doing 10 other things.

 

I have no problem with all those symptoms if they would not just intensify every single day... but they do now for 20 months???

 

It is like I lie there or sit somewhere or talk to somebody and I have 3 glass walls of a veil to begin with.... next day it's 3,1 glass walls... next week it's 4 glass walls... 2 weeks later 5 glass walls between me and reality.

Yesterday it was less glass walls than today and so on.. every single week... this adds up to a lot of glass walls...

 

I don't open my computer or write here much because I don't get any dopamine hit in my brain... to open the laptop and do so... whilst before I would be obsesssed 24/7 writing here.

 

Is this really still withdrawal? And how is this possible? Mind you I am still on 8mg of K, today I went down to 7,5 going back and forth and dosing back up because I don't see any correlation between this and the K.... 


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Shep
On 9/3/2020 at 8:29 AM, hopehope said:

Mind you I am still on 8mg of K, today I went down to 7,5 going back and forth and dosing back up because I don't see any correlation between this and the K.... 

 

Hope, please state what you want from us on this forum. You're bumping up your thread with empty posts and not asking questions. And in the last post where you actually wrote something, you're debating tapering and going back up to the full 8 mg because, as you've noted repeatedly on your thread, you don't think your symptoms are related to your massive benzo dose. 

 

We're a site for people wanting to taper off their drugs. If you're not interested in tapering or if you think there's another reason for your symptoms, please work with your doctor. 

 

The amount of Klonopin you're taking is extremely dangerous. I'm not surprised at all by your symptoms, but again, if you feel it's something other than a side effect of this powerful drug at a very high dose, than you'll need to work with your doctor, not an online withdrawal forum. 


Drug free May 22, 2015 after 30 years of neuroleptics, benzos, z-drugs, so-called "anti"-depressants, and amphetamines 

 

My Success Story:  Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

 

And what is good, Phaedrus, and what is not good — need we ask anyone to tell us these things? ~ Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

 

Share this post


Link to post
hopehope
53 minutes ago, Shep said:

 

Hope, please state what you want from us on this forum. You're bumping up your thread with empty posts and not asking questions. And in the last post where you actually wrote something, you're debating tapering and going back up to the full 8 mg because, as you've noted repeatedly on your thread, you don't think your symptoms are related to your massive benzo dose. 

 

We're a site for people wanting to taper off their drugs. If you're not interested in tapering or if you think there's another reason for your symptoms, please work with your doctor. 

 

The amount of Klonopin you're taking is extremely dangerous. I'm not surprised at all by your symptoms, but again, if you feel it's something other than a side effect of this powerful drug at a very high dose, than you'll need to work with your doctor, not an online withdrawal forum. 

 

Thanks.

 

1.Why is it extremely Dangerous at that Dose?

2.My primary daily reduction of consciousness Symptom did Not change on an equiv. of 1mg K

3. Doctors find nothing so I got to assume I have the Most unique version of wd on this planet? Now almost 3 years Off Ad/Aps? 

4. I want to get off all drugs but my situation makes No sense based on what I've mentioned above.

5. I'm sad I'm supposedly in the right Forum but Nobody understands what I am talking about

 

Thanks


2015 July:
Valproic Acid 1000mg (4 weeks) CT (no problems)
Abilify 5mg 1 week CT (no problems)
2015: Lamotrigine 25mg 3 weeks (CT) no problems
2016 Abilify 2 Days Akathisia 5mg (CT) no problems

2017 Septembre 2017 Mirtazapine 5 Days CT - severe problems 3 weeks later
Octobre 2017 - Quetiapine 5 Days Adverse Massive Problems
Severe Withdrawal Syndrome/Adverse Reaction

Decembre 2017 1mg klonopin.....March 2017 Tapered to 05.mg klonopin
Decembre 2018 1mg klonopin  ..... January 2019 1,5 mg Klonopin
July 2019 6mg Klonopin........Septembre 2019 8mg Klonopin

Share this post


Link to post
Erell
On 9/3/2020 at 2:29 PM, hopehope said:

Is this really still withdrawal? And how is this possible? Mind you I am still on 8mg of K, today I went down to 7,5 going back and forth and dosing back up because I don't see any correlation between this and the K.... 

 

Hopehope, you might not see a correlation between your symptoms and Klonopin but it could still be related.

 

The symptom you describe might have started with WD of previous drugs, but could be worsening with the use of a benzodiazepine.

We can only make guesses here, but I don't see how a large dose of Klonopin could help you to regain your feelings and heal.

And I can only ditto Shep : even if your symptoms started with other drugs, they also sound like side effects of Klonopin.

 

I understand that you tried to taper to 7.5mg Klonopin and didn't see a difference : unfortunately, healing process is very slow and you might not see improvments immediately.

 

I hear your frustration and your battle fatigue hopehope and I'm very sorry you had to go through this.

But I also read this

 

 

47 minutes ago, hopehope said:

4. I want to get off all drugs but my situation makes No sense based on what I've mentioned above.

 

As you want to get off drugs, do you think you could try to trust us and maybe start a careful and slow taper of Klonopin ?

This is the best advice we have to offer.

 

52 minutes ago, hopehope said:

2.My primary daily reduction of consciousness Symptom did Not change on an equiv. of 1mg K

If your signature is right, you were on 1mg in 2017 or 2018. 

We are now in 2020 : your CNS is dealing with a different situation now.

 

I know you feel extremely alone in this, but you are NOT : none of our cases are exactly the same, but there are many similarities between us all, and we oserbe the same patterns.

 

I'm gonna quote some relevant answers you got, please read them carefully

 

 

On 2/18/2020 at 6:15 PM, manymoretodays said:

We do our best, to give you information, but cannot directly find all the answers that you are seeking now.

I'd love to see you stick around, and perhaps, when ready, begin a really cautious taper, even by less % than you have tried before.  And begin to feel supported, here.  I mean if that IS your decision going forward.  It's tough, and hard, and takes time until symptoms start to feel better......

 

 

On 2/14/2020 at 1:56 AM, Altostrata said:

We're very familiar with this symptom pattern. It's not at all different from what we see every day. You are disoriented from the drugs and withdrawal.

 

You are currently taking a massive dose of Klonopin that is adding to your mental disorientation.

On 2/16/2020 at 3:53 PM, manymoretodays said:

Here's a list of common side effects of Klopnopin from Drugs.com:  https://www.drugs.com/sfx/klonopin-side-effects.html

Edited by Erell

2006 : 20mg Paroxetine + Bromazepam(no specific dose) 

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Deroxat + Bromazepam

2013: Switch from Bromazepam To Prazepam (long half-life)

2014-June2017 : Prazepam taper, 3% drops. 

2018 to August 2019 : Paroxetine 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22nd August updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg) because of a big wave. 

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paroxetine. 

 

April 2020-August 2020 : Paxil to Prozac bridge. Details https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/21457-erell-struggling-with-paroxetine/?do=findComment&comment=499847

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

7mg Fluoxetine + toothpick Paroxetine (since 20 Aug 2020)

1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

Share this post


Link to post
Altostrata
On 2/4/2020 at 6:04 AM, hopehope said:

I feel like my mental space has gotten less and less for the last 2 years...

 

You have been taking Klonopin for at least 2 years.

 

It sounds like you initially had withdrawal or other adverse effects from drugs, now your symptoms are from too much Klonopin, which we've explained repeatedly.

 

On 9/3/2020 at 5:29 AM, hopehope said:

Mind you I am still on 8mg of K, today I went down to 7,5 going back and forth and dosing back up because I don't see any correlation between this and the K.... 

 

7.5mg and 8mg of Klonopin are both hefty dosages of Klonopin. You might be taking an overcapacity of 50% or 75%. A reduction of 0.5mg won't make a lot of difference, but you still have to go slow to avoid adding Klonopin withdrawal symptoms to your current situation.

 

We offer tapering support for people who want to go off their drugs. It's not our role to convince you to go off. We've given you our best guesses about your situation. Please come back when you've decided to taper.


This is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical practitioner.

"It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has surpassed our humanity." -- Albert Einstein

All postings © copyrighted.

Share this post


Link to post

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy