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FarmGirlWorks

FarmGirlWorks Recovery Appeared as a Pickle-and-Cheese Sandwich

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FindRest

FGW, thank you for taking the time to encourage all of us here. You are a very gifted writer! I have bookmarked this so I can have it in my arsenal during this journey.  Thank you! 
 

Sorry you had to go through all of this. I see so much strength in you, with all the non-ADWD stuff you had to endure at the same time. Keep being strong!


1988-1996  Various AD’s, all classifications.  

1996-2019  Effexor XR 37.5mg to 150mg. Jan 2017 onward, 37.5 mg.

2019  Apr 11: Latuda 20mg added to Effexor.  Apr 22: L to 40mg.  May 14: L to 20mg.  May 27: L to 10 mg for 3 days then ct (dr’s orders). Continue Effexor 37.5.  Jun 10: Rexulti .5 mg added. Incr to 1mg.  Jun 15: Rex to .5mg.  Jul 1-24: taper Rex to .25mg over couple of weeks then off.  Jul 24: CT Effexor (per dr’s orders)  Sep 9-19: Viibryd (low dose, not sure mg), CT (dr’s orders).  Sep 23-27: Trintellix (low dose). CT (dr’s orders).  Sep 28:  Prozac 10mg.  Oct 24:  Began rapid taper off Prozac (every other day for wk) began Pristiq 25mg for 10 days, then 50mg after that.  Dec 31-Jan 31, 2020:  Pristiq 25mg. 

2020  Feb 1: CT Pristiq due to serious side effects incl high BP w pre-existing heart condition.   Feb 1: Effexor XR (10 large beads from 37.5 capsule).  Feb 3: 14 L beads.  Feb 15: 14 L beads+2 med beads.  Feb 17: 15L + 5M beads (25mgbw or 7.56mgai).

Current: Mar 1, 2020: Effexor XR (15 large beads + 7 medium beads, 30mgbw or 9.072mgai)

 

Other current meds: Ambien 10mg nightly (2012), clonazepam .125mg nightly (May, 2019), omeprazole 20mg (alt w famotidine 20mg, since Oct 2019), Synthroid 125 mcg (1985), Premarin .625mg (2002), Miralax capful/day (2014), fluticasone nasal once/day (mid-2018), cetirizine 10mg nightly (late-2018) .  Supplements: D3 25mcg, probiotic

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Glosmom

Congratulations!  So happy to read your very well written Success Story!  You are/have been/and will continue to be inspiring to others. Thank you for taking the time to write this.  May Peace Be With You Always, Glosmom


2016 - Oct -Daughter started Risperdal (for steroid induced psychosis that never went away after stopping prednisone)

Nov - dose increases stopped at 1.5mg in Dec

2017 - Jan- weaned from 1.5 to 1.0 in 2 weeks then 1.0 to .5 in two weeks and then off. Feb. 3 weeks of increased psychosis, pacing, insomnia, other awful symptoms so late Feb  - Back on 1.5 mg Risperdal. May  - decrease to 1.25mg, two weeks later 1.0mg - symptoms started again. June - held steady at 1.25mg for 6 weeks and switched to liquid (3 ml syringe). July - started 10% taper every 3 weeks, October -  .8 mg, December - .7 mg .

2018 -Jan- 0.65 mg,  Feb- 0.59,  Mar-0.50, late April - .40mg, July- .36 mg, Aug - switched from 3 mL syringe to 1 mL syringe for more accuracy (her dad and i were not sure we were giving her the same dose when in between the 'dashes' on the 3 mL syringe.) Aug -.30 mg (3mL syr)/.44 mg (1 mL syr) difference due to med in the tip of both syringes). Sept- .28 mg (3mL syr)/.42 mg (1 mL syr). Oct - .16 mg (3 mL syr)/.30 mg (1 mL syr). Nov.- .06mg (3mL syr)/.20 mg (1mLsyr). Dec. - tip only/unmeasurable (3mL syr)/.10 mg (1mLsyr)

2019- Jan -.06 mg (1 mL syr), Feb- .025 mg (1 mL syr), Feb 27, 2019 - jumped to zero!!

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TurkeyCold

Thank you very much for this precious and witty post. All the best for the rest of your life 🕊️


Medical history:
11/2015 - Duloxetin 30mg, 12/2015 - Duloxetin 60mg, 4/2016 - CT
8/2016 - Duloxetin 60mg, 2/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 4/2017 - CT
7/2017 - Duloxetin 60mg, 9/2017 - Duloxetin 30mg, 11/2017 - CT
3.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 10.5.2018 - Milnacipran 50mg, 20.5.2018 - Milnacipran 25mg, 24.5.2018 - CT and protracted WD

 

Supplements: none

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Kimboslice

Hi FarmGirlWorks.. What a fantastic achievement..  It’s so pleasing to see another success story on the board!!  


It amazes me how similar your drug history is to my own, from the drug you took being Sertraline, the duration you where on it for, the symptoms you experienced, your reasons for wanting to quit and the fact you’d CT’d multiple times. The similarities seem uncanny so your success has provided me with so much encouragement at a time when it really feels needed.
 

I don’t know you from Adam but...  I’m genuinely chuffed you’ve found your path to success. Well done!!! ☺️


OCT 2016 -  I quit Sertraline 50 mg CT after a family bereavement  had turned my life upside down ..  as a result it felt the drug was totally ineffective. 

MAY 2017-  After what had been an appalling 6 months (which i thought was horrific grief but now realise it is likely withdrawal is the more likely culprit)  I reinstated Sertraline at 50 mg before raising the dose to 100 mg due to not feeling any effect (again this is something that makes sense now). In time i had started to feel normal again and presumed it was because I had worked my way through my prolonged grief.  

FEB 2019 -  Life was now back on track and decided it was time to try and rid myself of the shameful daily pill pop that is AD's. I quit Sertraline Via a fast taper... but may aswell have been a CT.

JUN 2019 -  I found SA . .. realised i was withdrawing .. and had inadvertently made multiple mistakes along the way.

NOV 2019 - I'm roughly 8-9 months into withdrawal & STRUGGLING

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RachelSusan

What an amazing read. I read it three times. Once just to hear your story, then the second time to savor the quality of the writing, and the third time just because I want to read it once more. My god was it a good read.

 

I'm not completely out of the woods yet, but close to it, and I have my own version of a pickle-and-cheese sandwich. It's that moment when you know you will be alright. This is truly wonderful FGW. Good for you.

 

Thank you for sharing your most intimate thoughts and difficult emotions.  Also thank you for the constructive suggestions as well as the hope,

 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

xoxo


Find my story here:  http://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/12649-rachelsusan-my-zoloft-story-on-off-reinstated-in-trouble/?hl=rachelsusan

HISTORY

Feb. 2016 to June 2016  - Was on 100mg to 150mg Zoloft. 

Quit Zoloft (Sertraline) June  2016,  reinstated 50mg of Zoloft July 2016.  From July 2016  to October 2016 went from 50 mg down 2.3 mg. I up-dosed in November 2016 to 12.5 mg. Held there until January 2017 when I started a much slower taper.

STARTING SENSIBLE  ZOLOFT TAPERING USING GUIDELINES FROM THIS SITE

Dec. 10 2016  - switched to Liquid Zoloft (Sertraline) @ 12.5 mg.   Jan 19, 2017 reduced to 12.0 mg (4%).   Feb 9 2017 reduced to 11.0 mg (8%). March 1 2017 to 10.0 mg (9 %).  March 21 2017  to 9.5 mg (5%). April 1 2017  to 9.0 mg (5.3%). April 10 2017 to 8.5 mg (5.6%). April 22 2017  8.25 mg (2.9%). April 29 2017  8.0 (3.0%). May 6 2017  7.75 mg (3.1%).  May 14 2017  7.5 mg (3.2%). May 20 2017 to 7.25 mg (3.3%). May 27 2017 reduced to 7.0 mg (3.4%). June 10 2017  to 6.75 mg (3.6%). June 17 2017 to 6.5 mg (3.7%). June 24 2017 6.25 mg (3.8%). July 1 2017 reduced to 6.0 mg. July 8 2017 5.75 mg. July 15 2017 5.5 mg. July 22 2017 5.25 mg.  Aug 5 2017  5.0 mg.  Dec. 9, 2017  4.75 mg (5%).  Feb. 10, 2018 4.50 mg.   March 15, 2018 4.375 mg (2.8% decrease). April 3, 2018 4.25 mg (2.9%). May 14, 2018 4.125% (2.9%). June 16, 2018 4.0 mg (3.0%).  July 21, 2018 3.875mg. August 11, 2018 3.75mg (3.2%). Sept. 12, 2018 3.62mg (3.3%).  Oct. 13, 2018 3.5mg (3.4% decrease). Nov. 29, 2018 3.375mg (3.6% decrease). Jan. 20, 2019 3.25 mgFeb 16, 2019 3.125mg (3.8%). April 7, 2019 3.0mg (4.0%).  May 18, 2019 2.875mg (4.2%). June 22, 2019 2.75mg (4.3%)July 27, 2019 2.62mg (4.5%). August 18, 2019 2.5mg (4.8%). Sept. 14, 2019 2.375mg (5.0%) Oct.19, 2019 2.25mg.  Nov. 16, 2019 2.12mgDec. 7, 2019 2.00mg (5.9%). Jan. 4, 2020 1.875 mg (6.3%). Jan. 25, 2020 1.75 mgFeb. 29, 2020 1.625mg (7.10%).  Apr. 4, 2020 1.5 mg. May 9, 2020 1.375 mg. June 6, 2020 1.25 mg. (9.10%). July 4, 2020 1.125 mg. (10%).  August 15, 2020 1.0 mg.  Oct 24, 2020 .875 mg.

OTHER MEDICATIONS: Gabapentin - 900 mg since July 2016, Prednisone  5mg.  QVAR Inhalant,  Supplements: Vitamin D, Probiotic, and Fish Oil.

 

 

 

 

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carefulprayerful

Thank you for this beautiful success story!  All the best to you for continued healing and happiness.  


Jan. 2018:     900 mg  Lithium      1.0 mg Risperidone            250 mg Lamotrigine

Jan. 2019:     0 mg Lithium           0.625 mg Risperidone        175 mg Lamotrigine

Jan. 2020:     0 mg Lithium           0.260 mg Risperidone        175 mg Lamotrigine

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FarmGirlWorks

@FindRest @Glosmom @TurkeyCold @Kimboslice @RachelSusan @carefulprayerful: thank you so much.

 

Some of you I have corresponded with before or you have written on my timeline. Those "attagirls", compassion, and ability to make me laugh (RachelSusan, looking at you here, can't wait to read your story) meant so much. God, what a sad bunny I was for a lot of the time.  My father loves to call special people, angels in life, "vessels of grace" and there are definitely VoGs here at SA.

 

Kimboslice, thanks for the new term "chuffed" which I will now be using all the time. Love it. And as a former sertraline user, nothing could make me happier than your saying it provided encouragement. You can do it and will.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Heal95

Thank you so much for posting your story @FarmGirlWorks 

god bless you ❤️


Put on sertraline in January 2016 50 mg. 100mg Feb 16-May18 

may 18 50 mg some withdrawals 

august 18 rapid taper off. September 22 put on 50 mg due to withdrawals 

 2 weeks later up to 100mg. Bad reaction 

on 100 for 4 weeks. Then 50 for two weeks 25 for two weeks and 25 every other day for a week 

off since 8 December having waves and windows 

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Yazz

Inspiring, I share all of your symptoms, which ones of your symptoms totally gone and which are lingering but you are functional with them ? 

 

Specially the ahedonia and dark depression, hope it's gone! 

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FarmGirlWorks

@Yazz: yes the dark depression and anhedonia are gone. The anhedonia probably left in the second year and the dark depression lingered until last fall. I have gotten depressed this winter -- a lot of people not in WD here in Seattle have because of all the rain -- but it is not hopeless like before. The other symptoms are pretty much gone. I still have sore neck and shoulders but also found out a few days ago that I have arthritis in the neck and probably shoulders. So not sure if the WD catalyzed that situation or it is just genetic. Probs the latter.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Elyssa143

@FarmGirlWorks

Oh how I am so pleased for you to be reading this. It is so well written too! Your quite talented. I sure do hope you are able to move on from this experience and enjoy your life now. Thank you for always being there for me during my withdrawl as well. I am definitely healing but continue to very much struggle as well. Whats ghe difference to you from the anhedonia and the dark depression? When did the akasthsia leave? I definitely have easier times but i still have no positive feelings joy or happiness either.  I also want to know what the difference between suicidal ideation and the constant intrusive suicidal thoughts is? I saw you posted about the ideations. I have constant ruminating looping intrusive si which i have had since the last crumb of my zoloft and it still very bothersome to me as i get so scared eventually ill give up :( . But it is better and not 24/7 anymore. I do still have some mild dread sometimes and internal Akathisia which makes me feel like i qant to die and crawl out of my skin. My other bad symptom is a chemical feeling of not wanting to do this anymore/die. Its all awful but definitely not like it was. Im hoping you can shed some light and reassurance.  Again i am so pleased yoube made it to the other side! So much loving energy your way. I look forward to hearing feom you thank you! Hopefully soon ill be writing my success story as well!


13 months on 25 mg of sertraline.

Fast taper in march 2018, reinstated 12.5mg

Cold turkey sertraline april 17,2018

Zyprexa 5mg april 17,2018

Zyprexa taper to lamictal May 4-13 (life threatening rash)

Back on zyprexa 5mg for 10days & tapered over 5 weeks.

21 months off sertraline 

19 months off zyprexa

22 months into withdrawl 

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Armorall

I'm so happy for your and your success story! I'm also very appreciative of your Smith's reference and Sid Vicious reference. I was a part of the underground music scene here in Chicago for decades until my WD, miss it so. 


3/21/19 started Bupropion XL 150 mg

3/21/19 started Risperidone 2mg

7/7/19 start Abilify half dose 5 mg. discontinue Risperidone

7/9/19 full dose Abilify 10 mg

7/29/19 discontinued Abilify due to panicky side effects

8/2/19 Began Latuda 20 mg

8/5/19 discontinued Latuda due to similar side effects 

8/10/19 discontinued Bupropion after realizing it was causing the insomnia

From 8/10/19 no drugs whatsoever

Currently taking Magnesium 150mgs daily

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Happy2Heal
20 hours ago, RachelSusan said:

What an amazing read. I read it three times. Once just to hear your story, then the second time to savor the quality of the writing, and the third time just because I want to read it once more. My god was it a good read.

me too!! I bookmarked it

 

So happy for you @FarmGirlWorks  

 

just so very happy! :)

 

 


  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total)
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictalBrief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. I tried to get off it several times. WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 tapered down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again, too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". Crashed in Sept, reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, current age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content 
 

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Sheera

@FarmGirlWorks this makes me so happy to hear. You are an inspiration. ❤️❤️


Started Lamictal and Brintellix in November 2015

May 2016 Discontinued Lamictal 100 to 50 and then stopped completely.

October 20, 2016 discontinued Brintellex 10 to 5 then went from 5 to 0 on November 10, 2016.

 

Currently off all antidepressants

 

Current Supplements:  L-Theanine, Natural Progesterone, L-Methylfolate, Vitamin D, Omega-3's, Probiotic

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JackieDecides
22 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

the dark depression and anhedonia are gone.

I'm so glad to hear this, FarmGirlWorks. 

 

I don't come here often - I just can't carve out enough time  - but I am always glad to hear things like this. ❤️🥰


Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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FarmGirlWorks

@Elyssa143: it's hard, I know, but you'll get there, you're already improving. Just let it keep (slowly) happening. It's like expecting a baby to be able to run as soon as it pops out. It takes a while to develops muscles and, as important, the connections that coordinate them. It just takes time but happens. Just be gentle on your system as much as you can because usually life is not. As far as specific times when things went away, I really can't remember exactly. And the difference between SI and intrusive thoughts -- not sure. I still have fleeting thoughts of suicide but just that fleeting. Hopefully, they'll completely go away in time. All I can tell you is hang in there.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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FarmGirlWorks

@Armorall: thank you! I wrote "still ill" and then could not get it out of my head. So I looked up the lyrics and seemed appropriate. Now I'm on a Smiths jag.

 

@Happy2Heal: funny, as I was having tea with another member on Friday and we were talking about how inspirational your story is. I esp like it because, for me, it is hard to tease out withdrawal and just plain life hardships. You do that so well, thank you. Your first post was def one I referred to before doing this.

 

@Sheera: thank you! I see you're off and that is when the real "fun" begins. You're doing all the right things though.

 

@JackieDecides: your always a voice I love to hear. We have had a HARD winter in the PacNW!!!


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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manymoretodays

Oh so great FarmGirlWorks.  I love your Success Story, complete with creative writing and references to boot!

I use so much of the same non-drug coping.  And WILL get mine done and posted in 2020!  Had a recent mild wave, oh heck, it was medium on the scale.  Happy to report that it is over now.  And just get so busy......on the ground, and then here.  The good busy though.  Fulfilling.   Finding myself and my way. 

And...... you could not pay me to go back on those drugs.

 

Meantime, should update my own introduction and will, maybe tomorrow. B)  I thought I would have my Success Story done, before I hit page 31!!  Oh, well.  Maybe by my anniversary date of arrival here, late April of 2015.

 

Anyway.......clinking tea cups and cheers!!!  Best to you, always!

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

Edited by manymoretodays

Started with psycho meds circa 1988 I think 27 or 28 total.

AD's, antpsychotics, antiseizure mood stabilizers. Lithium, lamictal ,benzos, and stimulants. Some med. for narcolepsy once(Provigil,) Gabapentin........probably more.  Ask me?......I probably was on it.  Haphazard W/D's by Dr. recommend or uneducated self.

10/2014- off Lexapro--had been on highest dose 10 mg. then 5 mg. for a couple of years, went from 5 mg. to 3 mg. liquid and then CT in hospital(voluntary).  I got out of the hospital on a combination of low dose adderal salts x1/day and trileptal 150mg. x2/day.

5/28/2015-off Adderal salts 2.5mg. (I had been on that since hospital 10/2014)

12/2015---just holding, holding, holding, with trileptal/oxcarb at 75 mg. 1/2 tab at hs.  My last psycho med ever!

 

3/21/2016---I did some unwise updosing of trileptal/oxcarbazepine with some stressful stuff......doubled the above dose x2 during this last wave but began liquifying again and on approximately 68mg. starting today.  11/12//2016 24 mg. oxcarbazepine  12/9/2016 off oxcarbazepine/trileptal!!!! :) optimistic  2016 December 9- completely off all medications!!!!!

Omega3's,EPA +DHA= 1800 mg/day. Magnesium complex, orally, diluted in a liter of H2O(that I can shake up.....it usually dissolves more completely as the water gets down to room temperature) and/or Epsom salt baths prn.   Vit. C, D3, and E.  B12, melatonin tapered to 1mg., and bioidentical hormones sublingually.  Trace mineral drops.  L-lysine.  L-methylfolate=400 mcg plus daily spinach. Totally ready for a good long window to hit soon and getting better strings of full days and partial days along the way.  Definite improvement overall since I first arrived on the SA survivor ship.  Herb and alcohol free since 5/15/2016.  None of my posts are intended as medical advice.  Please discuss any decisions about your medical care with a knowledgeable medical provider. manymoretodays

 

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IWantToHeal

What a beautifully worded narrative. I am so glad that you've healed, and you're very talented as a writer. :)

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JackieDecides

a hard winter? it's been mild here in my part of The Gorge. only significant snow twice, although I know it's not over yet! 

 

I went back and re-read your pickle sandwich post. you really are an exceptional writer. 

 

On 2/5/2020 at 11:15 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

Triggers: fluorescent lights, caffeine, processed food, crowds, unsupportive family/friends, and above all else, high situational stress. 

 

 

caffeine is something I crave and when I give in to it, sometimes I'm sorry and sometimes I'm not. so it's hard not to give in! 

and my job is stressful and almost certainly going to get worst starting tomorrow as a co-worker left on Friday and I will now have more work to do but they won't give me more time in which to get it done. (well, they won't pay me for more - I could always do it off the clock I guess) .

 

and I am going to look  at a roommate-wanted situation today that has the potential to be a lot better than where I live (nicer, cheaper) BUT a 30 minutes commute and sharing with strangers. so I am very anxious I don't make a bad decision. 

 

I don't trust myself to make decisions I've made so many in the last few years that I regret. 


Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day

Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM  (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut)

Famotidine   once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes)

magnesium 200 mg at night

as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000"

 

off Lexapro as of 5/2018  - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years

 

highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. 

 

I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. 

 

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FarmGirlWorks

@JackieDecides

12 hours ago, JackieDecides said:

 

I don't trust myself to make decisions I've made so many in the last few years that I regret. 

OMG: so relate to this. I definitely am more tentative about making any "big" moves because the ones I've made have been so hard on my CNS. I mean, there is usually little we can do about what life throws at us (sorry about the workload, that's just rough). There are some things we do have power over but very little in my experience. So I am hesitant. That is okay, the body needs to rest and not be immediately jacked up again.

 

@manymoretodays and @IWantToHeal: thanks so much for the kind words. Healing vibes to all of us.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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delsol
On 2/6/2020 at 2:15 AM, FarmGirlWorks said:

I obsessively read most of the “symptoms” threads to find out what was happening and get information. I needed proof that I wasn’t a freak of nature and that others had experienced the exact same thing… and recovered. The information on this site is invaluable, I learned so much. We are lucky to have such a comprehensive resource. I also watched YouTube videos, Baylissa Frederick videos, and read Beyond Meds and Inner Compass Initiative.

 

The peer support on SA is exceptional -- I am reading over my thread and moved to tears (I can cry now!) by the compassion of members. I briefly hosted a Meetup for other withdrawal folks and could only do it a few times because I was still ill

 

First, thank you for taking time out to share your successes. I am at that point in my journey where I read success stories daily, clinging to a sense of future that does not include so many symptoms and so much despair.  My spouse and I were going to start a Meetup -- I will see how I cope with it.  She has spearheaded it, out of anger and rage at what she's seen me go through. I think rage can be good, when directed into something. I admire your writing talent -- the sandwich story is terrific. I used to write a lot and think that if I can start creatively writing again, that will be my own "sandwich."  

 

I hope to someday come on here with my own success story. I know that so many of us share on here share the same dream. I am impressed that you had some significant personal challenges but still hung on and took the time to share your story. It really means a lot to me and probably to others. 


--Current supplements: Fish oil 1000 mg x4 (split into 2 doses of 1000 mg); Vit. D 2,000 iu once daily; 2-3 tsp coconut oil daily

--3/14/20: Re-discontinued gabapentin after 2 weeks, due to agitation

--2/27/20: Reinstated Kpin .5mg and also briefly reinstated gabapentin 300mg. 2x/daily, to help with side effects (Kpin dose usually taken in a.m. between 5-8 a.m.; gabapentin once in a.m. and once around 6 p.m.)

--2/13/20: Tried reducing Kpin down to .375mg due to dysphoric side effects; tried to CT but started hallucinating again after 4 days

--1/23/20: Placed on daily .5mg dose of Klonopin

--From July 2017-Jan. 2020: PRN Klonopin 1mg. :  up to 1x/day:  sometimes weeks without it, sometimes 1-2x/week, sometimes 4-5x/week; tried to CT in Jan. 2020 and ended up in hospital with delirium and hallucinations

--November 2019: Weaned down gabapentin approx. 100 mg. per week and discontinued it

--August 7, 2019-10/18/19: Reduced Trintellix from 10mg. down to zero (insurance stopped paying for it - I couldn't afford it).

--February 2019-11/30/19: Reduced nortriptyline from 75 mg. to zero

--As of February 2019:  Meds were 10 mg. (1x/day) Trintellix, 75 mg. (1x/day) nortriptyline, and 600 mg. gabapentin

--1992 through 2018: On various cocktails of meds, starting with anafranil

 

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FarmGirlWorks

I love the perfect image of your avatar and think you are a good writer, no surprise you did it before. When(!) you feel up to it, I think that will be healing. Also a way to channel that rage -- good on your spouse. You will write your own Success Story when you feel ready. What I notice is that at a certain point I stopped needing to be here all the time and only because I have it marked in my calendar to post updates, came back. As someone for whom the Success Stories were such a lifeline, I deeply believe it is important to keep them fresh and "pay it forward." I hope you believe that too and look forward to reading your SS.

Edited by FarmGirlWorks

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Frogie

FarmGirlWorks:

 

What an awesome, awesome, success story!

 

Your writing is so descriptive and makes feel like I’m right in the moment with you.

 

 I will re-read this numerous times I’m sure and see something new each time. I have bookmarked it.

 

 I’m so glad you have healed and can enjoy life again.😊

 

Take care,

 Frogie xx

 


PREVIOUS medications and discontinuations: Have been on medications since 1996. 

 Valium, Gabapentin, Lamictal and Prilosec from 2000 to 2015 with a fast taper by a psychiatrist.

 Liquid Lexapro Nov, 2016 to 31-March, 2019 Lexapro free!!! (total Lexapro taper was 4 years-started with pill form)

---CURRENT MEDICATIONS:Supplements:Milk Thistle, Metamucil, Magnesium Citrate, Vitamin D3

 Xanax 1mg three times a day June, 2000 to 19-September, 2020 Went from .150 grams (average weight of 1 Xanax) three times a day to .003 grams three times a day.

19-September, 2020 Xanax free!!!

 

 

I am not a medical professional. The suggestions I make are based on personal experience.

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marie123

Congrats on your wonderful success story. Yes, withdrawal is horrible but it does end. I agree with you acceptance is key. It's easier than fighting it and making yourself more miserable. I have also experienced a "turning point" during w/d from ambien and trazodone. I thought hey I've got this. You learn things in withdrawal and I'll use them for the mirtazapine taper. Have a happy and healthy life!

 

Marie


10/13--10/14 Ambien. Started tapering 1/14  Jumped 10/14.  Done.                                                                              

3/14        7.5 Remeron  still taking this.                              

2/14         75 Trazodone   -    Tapered by dry cutting all the way down.

1/16        4 mg Trazodone  -  Jumped. Bad mistake. Got hit with late withdrawal 6 weeks later. Had to reinstate.

4/16        Reinstated 1 mg, updose to 2 mg Trazodone

2/19        .04 Trazodone. Walked off.  Done.

10/3/19  Started 7.5 Mirtazapine taper cut to .073 gram weight, pill weighs .076

4/5/20    New Mirtazapine Taper - Compound Liquid 7.35 mg April '20, 7.25 mg May, 7.05 mg June, 6.99 mg June, 6.78 mg July, 6.57 mg Aug, Sept 6.35 mg, Sept 6.24 mg, Sept 6.21 mg, Oct 5.99 mg

 

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Rosetta

Congratulations, FGW.  I’m very glad to see you made it out.  Enjoy!


https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/16629-rosetta-ct-may-2011-too-fast-taper-feb-2017/?page=25

2001-2011 Celexa 10 mg raised to 40 mg then 60 mg over this time period

May 2011 OB Doctor's Cold switch Celexa 60 mg to 10 mg Zoloft sertraline (baby born)

2012-2016 - Doctors raised dose of Zoloft up to 150 mg

2016 - Xanax prescribed - as needed - 0.5 mg about every 3 days (bad reaction)

2016 - Stopped Xanax

Late 2016- Began (too fast) taper of Zoloft

Early 2017 - Trazodone prescribed for bedtime (doseage unknown)

Feb 2017 - Completed taper/stopped Trazodone

Drug free since Feb 2017

2017 - Unisom otc very rarely for sleep

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FarmGirlWorks

@Frogie @marie123 @Rosetta: thank you for the well wishes. And yes, it seems like there is a "turning point" for a lot of people and that is when you realize that it is truly just a matter of time but WILL happen. Life is still life but the hell of WD isn't there anymore, thank god.

Edited by FarmGirlWorks

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Ryguy
On 2/14/2020 at 10:40 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

@Frogie @marie123 @Rosetta: thank you for the well wishes. And yes, it seems like there is a "turning point" for a lot of people and that is when you realize that it is truly just a matter of time but WILL happen. Life is still life but the hell of WD isn't there anymore, thank god.

Did you experience skin problems dueing wd,.. acne or other stuff? Its the one thing i cant seem to get over, knowing this will one day be over isnt wnough when im worrying about all the damage its done to my skin


Was put on SSRIS at age 18, came off at 20 due to side effects, have been in withdrawal ever since, am 27 now. 7 years of protracted withdrawal. have not been able to work. I didnt taper, i basically came off cold turkey in less than a month....no one informed me of anything, including protracted withdrawal . my symptoms include absolutely everything you can imagine, you name it, i have it 

 

 

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Mariposa

Many many thanks for posting all this info and so clearly...as you know the success stories are a lifeline. Celebrating your success with you is healing for me too. 
 

Can you say more about the body pain, how it changed for you and what you still experience? How do you understand it in terms of why the drugs have caused it? 

I know many of the drugs are effectively pain relievers so it makes sense I guess unexpressed pain would be arising as I get to learn and listen to my body again.  
 

After three years off all drugs it’s one of the only remaining physical symptoms that I have that is severe. I experience deep spinal pain between my shoulders (but I think that’s unprocessed emotion) and also generalized muscular pain. Feels like someone’s tried to tenderize my back with a meat mallet (apologies for the visual). 

Any of that sound familiar to you or anyone else? 
 

I use epsom baths, lots of rest, magnesium, very light stretching and foam body rollers for relief. And TRE exercises. And I stay as active as possible, mostly walking.  
 

But in general the pain makes me feel like my body is 1000 years old, not my 39. 


1994 age 14 on and off psych drugs, including zoloft, for severe 'depression' (which I now know is trauma and home-environment related)

2000-2007  Lithium at a 'therapeutic dose'. After several hospitalizations where they experimented with drugs and diagnoses but nothing bettered the rage/dissociation/'depression' so when I was sufficiently subdued on Lithium the doctors decided that was evidence I was bipolar

2007-2015 200 mg Lamitrogine/Lamictal and 10-20 mg Citalopram/Celexa.  Provider switched me to Lamitrogine as a better alternative to Lithium's known health risks. Looking back I experienced serious withdrawal depression during the switch but I imagined I was just relapsing. Citalopram/Celexa was added because I continued to be depressed and suicidal on the Lamitrogine/Lamictal but since I couldn't access my feelings, I just functioned in my life despite the background despair. 

April 2015 began taper of 10-20 mg Citalopram/Celexa at 50% reduction every two weeks or so. Could not find ANY doctor, provider or therapist who was willing to assist me but I was determined to figure out why I was feeling so 'off' and 'stuck' and 'miserable'. At that point I had made dramatic lifestyle changes, but the nagging suicidality seemed out of place and I was starting to realize my emotional life was impaired.

June 2015 Ended taper of Citalopram/Celexa (completely off celexa) and began taper of 200 mg Lamitrogine at 50% reduction every two weeks or so. I realize now I basically cold turkeyed.

September 2015 reached 12.5 mg of Lamitrogine. I realized I was in full blown withdrawal "depression" and NOT a relapse of 'mental illness' (the symptoms were so sudden and dramatic it was obviously not any kind of 'mental illness' as I had been indoctrinated to believe) so reinstated to 25mg and started a google frenzy for any information I could find

September -October 2015 held at 25 mg, severely symptomatic but unsure how to proceed to get better

October 2015- December 2016 tried my best at a 10% taper by using a liquid taper. Upended my life completely to face the symptoms (job loss, housing, sense of identity).

December 2016 ended taper of Lamitrogine (completely stopped), withdrawal symptoms acute

January 2017 drug free, withdrawal roller coaster continues

Septemberish 2018- Now Acute withdrawal symptoms ended. Now experiencing protracted withdrawal symptoms complicated by original trauma healing suppressed by the drugs (hormonal disruption, suicidality, body pain)

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FarmGirlWorks
9 hours ago, Ryguy said:

Did you experience skin problems dueing wd,.. acne or other stuff?

Hi @Ryguy: sorry that’s happening to your skin. The only thing with my skin was it looked more “tired” but a few years and trauma will do that. Skin is our largest organ so make sure you’re drinking plenty of water to keep it healthy. Adding powdered magnesium and vitC to the water might have helped too.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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FarmGirlWorks
9 hours ago, Mariposa said:

Can you say more about the body pain, how it changed for you and what you still experience? How do you understand it in terms of why the drugs have caused it?

Hi @Mariposa (love the handle), the pain was a dull overall body pain. It progressively got lighter and, only a week ago, I was finally able to start HRT and that alleviated most all of it. I still have a sore neck and left shoulder but turns out I have arthritis (getting old is awesome) so there will be pain forever. However! I tried HRT (hormone replacement therapy)over a year ago when I was still in the throes of withdrawal; I am in perimenopause and thought this might help even my moods. No way! I got sky-high crazy anxiety/akathisia after one dose and stopped immediately. I only tried again after I felt more stable and it has eased my mind and overall body pain further.

 

My theory of why HRT was, in my case, unsuccessful while in WD: hormones work on a lot of the same receptors as serotonin (and cannabis). Because of the psychodrugs (I see your latest was lamotrigine) brain receptors shrink away because the brain is trying to reach homeostasis; all the extra substances in the brain (reuptake inhibitors) make the receptors give up because they are not needed. When we are in withdrawal and there is no substance, those receptors need to grow back (and that is slow!) to be able to catch the normal amounts of chemicals like serotonin or hormones. We are in a deficit until those receptors grow back and can catch chemicals. That HRT is working *now* means that many of my receptors are back on line.

 

Of course, this is just my theory and I have absolutely no medical background so take it with a big grain of salt.

 

 

9 hours ago, Mariposa said:

After three years off all drugs it’s one of the only remaining physical symptoms that I have that is severe. I experience deep spinal pain between my shoulders (but I think that’s unprocessed emotion) and also generalized muscular pain. Feels like someone’s tried to tenderize my back with a meat mallet (apologies for the visual). 

Any of that sound familiar to you or anyone else? 

Yes, and I am sorry that you are going thru that. I get it. Rolling your shoulders both ways helps but unprocessed emotion is real too. Check out "The Body Keeps The Score" by Bessel van der Kolk. There are YouTube talks by him and Brain Pickings has a good short article about the book. https://www.brainpickings.org/2016/06/20/the-body-keeps-the-score-van-der-kolk/

Edited by FarmGirlWorks

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Mariposa

@FarmGirlWorks Wow thanks, yeah that's all really helpful.  I'm so glad the HRT is working for you now and that it's a sign your body is repairing/has repaired, even if getting older has brought some unwelcome changes :/.

 

One thing I'm not quite sure I understand - what is the connection with hormones and pain that you took the HRT for the pain?  I'm sure my back pain is either my body trying to get back to homeostasis like you say, or just emotional/trauma healing, because for days it'll be so intense any movement brings tears to my eyes and then days later...it's simply vanished. Trauma Release Exercises have been extraordinarily helpful to release the stuckness in the muscles.  I feel quite sorry that I silenced my body so decidedly with the drugs.

 

I appreciate the link...I've wanted to read Body Keeps the Score forever but just haven't had the concentration.  I'm inspired to find an audio version, since it looks like it has the info I need.  Thanks again and best with the HRT.

 

PS Love the brainpickings synopsis and love that you read brainpickings too.  Soooo random, but truly she has such good stuff there.


1994 age 14 on and off psych drugs, including zoloft, for severe 'depression' (which I now know is trauma and home-environment related)

2000-2007  Lithium at a 'therapeutic dose'. After several hospitalizations where they experimented with drugs and diagnoses but nothing bettered the rage/dissociation/'depression' so when I was sufficiently subdued on Lithium the doctors decided that was evidence I was bipolar

2007-2015 200 mg Lamitrogine/Lamictal and 10-20 mg Citalopram/Celexa.  Provider switched me to Lamitrogine as a better alternative to Lithium's known health risks. Looking back I experienced serious withdrawal depression during the switch but I imagined I was just relapsing. Citalopram/Celexa was added because I continued to be depressed and suicidal on the Lamitrogine/Lamictal but since I couldn't access my feelings, I just functioned in my life despite the background despair. 

April 2015 began taper of 10-20 mg Citalopram/Celexa at 50% reduction every two weeks or so. Could not find ANY doctor, provider or therapist who was willing to assist me but I was determined to figure out why I was feeling so 'off' and 'stuck' and 'miserable'. At that point I had made dramatic lifestyle changes, but the nagging suicidality seemed out of place and I was starting to realize my emotional life was impaired.

June 2015 Ended taper of Citalopram/Celexa (completely off celexa) and began taper of 200 mg Lamitrogine at 50% reduction every two weeks or so. I realize now I basically cold turkeyed.

September 2015 reached 12.5 mg of Lamitrogine. I realized I was in full blown withdrawal "depression" and NOT a relapse of 'mental illness' (the symptoms were so sudden and dramatic it was obviously not any kind of 'mental illness' as I had been indoctrinated to believe) so reinstated to 25mg and started a google frenzy for any information I could find

September -October 2015 held at 25 mg, severely symptomatic but unsure how to proceed to get better

October 2015- December 2016 tried my best at a 10% taper by using a liquid taper. Upended my life completely to face the symptoms (job loss, housing, sense of identity).

December 2016 ended taper of Lamitrogine (completely stopped), withdrawal symptoms acute

January 2017 drug free, withdrawal roller coaster continues

Septemberish 2018- Now Acute withdrawal symptoms ended. Now experiencing protracted withdrawal symptoms complicated by original trauma healing suppressed by the drugs (hormonal disruption, suicidality, body pain)

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FarmGirlWorks

I did a Psoas trauma release exercise once and it was unexpectedly effective... need to do that again. God, recovering takes serious time. As for your question, I took HRT as a way to try to reduce cog fog; I have a friend recently on it who went thru withdrawal (and coincidentally had a TBI too) -- she said it was amazing for clearing up the fuzzies. The pain relief was an unexpected benefit. My theory is that the hormones (in this case estradiol) is being "caught" by the the same receptors as serotonin. I do not know, just a hunch. "Estrogen acts everywhere in the body, including the parts of the brain that control emotion. Some of estrogen's effects include: Increasing serotonin, and the number of serotonin receptors in the brain. Modifying the production and the effects of endorphins, the "feel-good" chemicals in the brain." - WebMD Again, if receptors have been decimated by psyche drugs and growing back, then this wouldn't help. Plus there are LOTS of risks to pre-menopausal women. For me, I was already getting better.

 

I am so sorry that you are having back pain. I think that this time is valuable in doing things like trauma release, therapy, learning new coping skills so going forward we are not reliant on big pharma that definitely does not have our best interests at heart.

Edited by FarmGirlWorks

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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FarmGirlWorks

3-yr update, CT from Zoloft

 

The 3-year-wave is a real event, turns out.

 

I was doing okay to good -- smiling at my dog, laughing at jokes, not obsessing about the past and if not optimistic about the future at least not in the "I'll be homeless and walk in front of a train" place and setting goals -- but last week I realized that triggers were burrowing into my body as pains and I was becoming more withdrawn and sensitive. Last night I could not return phone calls or talk. This pandemic has triggered me in two ways. First, people are working -from-home and going crazy and that is like it is all the time for me. I liken it to tinnitus. I have ringing in my ear all the time but ignore it mostly. But at least a few times a day, I really hear it and realize how insane it makes me feel... then eventually I distract and it is background again. But it is always there. So a lot of people are stuck at home and going crazy and it is like a big mirror is in my face 24-7. Two, "family" is a huge trigger and if I hear one more person talking about how "thankful they are now for their family and how it has made them closer..." My mother gaslit me about the "reality" of this pandemic last week and... well, I am spiraling into self-pity but those are the triggers that have not created this wave but are definitely exacerbated by it.

 

This wave also could be hormonal though as my cycle is starting to get really irregular which means, despite the estradiol, the hormones are wacked out. Idk. Probably a little of both.

 

Was tempted to hit cannabis again but remembered that SA provides so many tools, one of which (for me) is no weed. Also took an Epsom salt bath the other night to get that magnesium action. And putting one foot in front of the other even if this seems like a setback. I know it is normal. Although I'd be lying if I said I was not afraid of enduring this for a long time. Everyone here is so, so brave to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Very proud of this community.


  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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wantrelief

Hi FGW - I am so sorry you've hit a wave after feeling better.  My hope is that after this wave passes, you will experience an even greater level of healing.  

 

Thinking about you,

WR


-1/06 - 3/07 Cymbalta. Fast taper; withdrawal symptoms after 4 mos (didn't realize was WD)

-10/07: 100 mg Zoloft; 1 mg Klonopin - tapered off Klonopin
-Tried several times to slowly taper Zoloft by 10%, then 5% every 4-6 weeks; could never get below approx. 40 mg - spring 2012 experienced major WD symptoms due to stress; tried to updose but no relief, back on Klonopin 1 mg.
-Switched over 5-6 mos from Zoloft to Citalopram. Finished Zoloft 1/13; Citalopram 35 mg and 1 mg Klonopin.
-8/13: 27 mg Citalopram; 1 mg Klonopin

-11/14: 12.6 Citalopram - began to have bad withdrawal symptoms; out of desperation increased to 1.25 mg Klonopin at the beginning of December.  12/13/14 16 mg Citalopram - going to stay here to try to stabilize; stabilized on 16 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

-7/15 - 3/16: reduced to 15 mg; ~ 2 months later w/d hit hard (probably r/t stress); 6/16 updosed to 20 mg Citalopram and trying to stabilize. Updosed to 1.5 Klonopin as well. Stabilized on 20 mg Citalopram after 4-5 months

8/17-9/17: feeling withdrawal symptoms at 20 mg Citalopram (due to stress) - slowly increased to 25 mg. No change in symptoms after 6 months (? tolerance ?)  - decided to start citalopram taper February 2018 (still on Klonopin 1.5 mg).

Supplements: fish oil; magnesium glycinate; vitamin D3; curcumin

Citalopram taper:  2/2018 - 12/2019: 25 mg - 11.03 mg

2020: 1/14/20: 10.89 mg (1.27% drop); 1/22/20: 10.75 mg (1.29% drop); 2/28/20 toe surgery; 4/26/20: 10.62 mg (1.21% drop); 5/3/20: 10.5 mg (1.22% drop); 5/10/20: 10.4 mg (1.24% drop); 5/17/20: 10.2 mg (1.25% drop); 6/7/20: 10.10 mg (1.27% drop); 6/14/20: 9.98 mg (1.19% drop); 6/21/20: 9.85 mg (1.30% drop); 6/28/20: 9.7 mg (1.22% drop); 7/12/20: 9.6 mg (1.23% drop); 7/19/20: 9.5 mg (1.25% drop); 7/26/20: 9.4 mg (1.26% drop); 8/2/20: 9.3 mg (1.28% drop); 8/17/20: 9.14 mg (1.19% drop); 8/31/20: 9.0 mg (1.31% drop); 9/6/20: 8.9 mg (1.22% drop); 9/27/20: 8.8 mg (1.23% drop); 10/4/20: 8.7 mg (1.25% drop); 10/11/20: 8.6 mg (1.27% drop); 10/18/20: 8.5 mg (1.28% drop)

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