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FarmGirlWorks

FarmGirlWorks Recovery Appeared as a Pickle-and-Cheese Sandwich

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Kimboslice

Hi @FarmGirlWorks,

 

how you getting on?? Everything still proceeding as you’d like I hope. I noticed you made a couple of posts previously on pugs success thread asking about his experience with withdrawal based emotional and mental instability. I presume the fact you’ve posted a success story the anxiety and depression have resolved or at least at a vastly more manageable level and do you concur with his views? & quickly In terms of anxiety, did you struggle in public places, socially and even doing menial tasks like popping up to the shop? I’m 20 months out now and Am seeing small improvements in fits and starts but still unable to proceed in normal activities on a regular basis because of the anxieties unpredictability.

 

Thank you 🙏 

 

 

 


OCT 2016 -  I quit Sertraline 50 mg CT after a family bereavement  had turned my life upside down ..  as a result it felt the drug was totally ineffective. 

MAY 2017-  After what had been an appalling 6 months (which i thought was horrific grief but now realise it is likely withdrawal is the more likely culprit)  I reinstated Sertraline at 50 mg before raising the dose to 100 mg due to not feeling any effect (again this is something that makes sense now). In time i had started to feel normal again and presumed it was because I had worked my way through my prolonged grief.  

FEB 2019 -  Life was now back on track and decided it was time to try and rid myself of the shameful daily pill pop that is AD's. I quit Sertraline Via a fast taper... but may aswell have been a CT.

JUN 2019 -  I found SA . .. realised i was withdrawing .. and had inadvertently made multiple mistakes along the way.

NOV 2019 - I'm roughly 8-9 months into withdrawal & STRUGGLING

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FarmGirlWorks
Posted (edited)

Hi @Kimboslice. The milestone of 20 months is good news -- every day is farther away from the drugs. Indeed, my anxiety/depression is more manageable than ever. Yep, kinda impossible not to have some anxiety in the USA this month but I re-read what I wrote that said I wished I'd splurged on a gym membership and therapy when the darkness became bad and am now grateful for a great counselor that I zoom with weekly and, while gyms are still too risky IMO, I go biking with my bf and do kundalini yoga daily. As far as anxiety for menial tasks, I'd put them off if I was feeling stressed but was never agoraphobic or afraid of stores (crowds made me nervous although I think that was just exacerbated by WD).

 

I think that is normal to see recovery in fits and lurches, two steps forward and one back, instead of a simple, linear downward trend. It will happen and when it does you will know. Life, of course, still happens. The most important thing for emotional and mental stability has been to make sure the legs on my metaphorical stool are all strong. They are: exercise, yoga, AA, and connection with others. And not doing any drugs. I started slipping in August with not doing exercise regularly and ingesting cannabis. No bueno and I quickly started to spin out. So now, back and regaining stability. My spiritual teacher died today of Covid (and screw anyone who says it is not real or dangerous) and, while in deep grief, I feel it is not nearly as "bad" as WD was. Grief is real, not chemical madness. WD is so worth getting through. And you will @Kimboslice!

Edited by FarmGirlWorks

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Kimboslice

Hi @FarmGirlWorks.

Sorry it’s taken me a while to get back and thank you for answering my question. I’ve tried to reply twice now accidentally deleting the damn thing just before pressing send. I’m not exactly the most competent when technology is involved 🤯. 20 months Is definitely a fair portion of time to be suffering but annoyingly I’m  finding it difficult to recognise making it this far as an achievement. 

I think your right about anxiety being a feature of people’s lives withdrawal or not during these uncertain times although without sounding selfish the fact that the world is currently off kilt, Makes the fact my circumstances are anything but straightforward  a little easier to bare. In some way it’s a comforting reminder life is difficult no matter what’s occurring.
 

I too have a metaphorical stool (as you call it) with many legs. I’ve tried counselling / Psychotherapy , I exercise a lot, meditate, I used to Wim hof and ice bath for a period of time, get out to walk the dog, Daily stretching , read plenty of books which have all been useful tools to distract myself and all are great but I feel they would be peripheral activities to a normal persons day so even when being productive and completing them my days still feel void of any fulfilment which is probably down to the monotony of doing the same things over & over and having nothing more to strive for other than surviving. I’d like to be able to push myself. I think it’s key to making progress but I feel incapacitated by my symptoms and the unpredictability of the process to make grounds in any anything other than the basics. Where you able to gauge when to push and when to rest or was it as simple as trial and error? And when did you know it was time to take on extra responsibilities? Because every time I attempt to I suffer a setback.

 

Funny you mention cannabis.
I too gave up smoking 12 months ago and still have a lump of hash left. I’ve given in to temptation a couple of times and had a little spliff. I know I shouldn’t but get so  bored at times. I’m so good with everything else Its easy to justify to myself that we all need a vice from time to time. You say it sent you of course a little but did you at least enjoy letting your hair down and having a little much?  I hope so ☺️

 

 


OCT 2016 -  I quit Sertraline 50 mg CT after a family bereavement  had turned my life upside down ..  as a result it felt the drug was totally ineffective. 

MAY 2017-  After what had been an appalling 6 months (which i thought was horrific grief but now realise it is likely withdrawal is the more likely culprit)  I reinstated Sertraline at 50 mg before raising the dose to 100 mg due to not feeling any effect (again this is something that makes sense now). In time i had started to feel normal again and presumed it was because I had worked my way through my prolonged grief.  

FEB 2019 -  Life was now back on track and decided it was time to try and rid myself of the shameful daily pill pop that is AD's. I quit Sertraline Via a fast taper... but may aswell have been a CT.

JUN 2019 -  I found SA . .. realised i was withdrawing .. and had inadvertently made multiple mistakes along the way.

NOV 2019 - I'm roughly 8-9 months into withdrawal & STRUGGLING

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FarmGirlWorks

Hi @Kimboslice,

 

Yesterday I was talking with a member about pushing to do things vs not. Frankly, I think it is -- like all withdrawal -- individual and dependent on your nature and symptoms. Sorry for the ubiquitous answer. My nature is to "do" things and I did as much as I could although that wasn't much. I was able to do kundalini yoga and some AA. Socializing was definitely a rough area for me. That first 18 months, I skipped a lot of things. And frankly the habit of isolation was a little ingrained then. I guess it has helped during the Covid times as now we have to (should)  isolate more. Claire Weekes advises continuing to do stuff even if it is really slowly. When I am feeling bad (guess what? Life goes on after withdrawal and the stuff that landed you on psych drugs are often waiting to be faced), I try to do whatever I can slowly and not just go catatonic.

 

I also know that breathing practices detoxify the body a lot (supposedly over 80% compared to food and exercise) and am working on an online program to help folks in WD to assist their body in detoxing the chemicals from their bodies. Some of us have decades of this toxicity that has been unleashed and it takes time to move it out. Also, I try to do a cool rinse (ice cold baths -- you're a trooper!) to get the vagus nerve stimulated.

 

As far as weed... sigh. The THC just made me self-conscious and paranoid. Def not my ally anymore. However to deal with a bout of insomnia the past few days, I am trying CBD tincture. Fingers crossed it works :)

Edited by FarmGirlWorks

  • Prozac | late 2004-mid-2005 | CT WD in a couple months, mostly emotional
  • Sertraline 50-100mg | 11/2011-3/2014, 10/2014-3/2017
  • Sertraline fast taper March 2017, 4 weeks, OFF sertraline April 1, 2017
  • Quit alcohol May 20, 2017, quit coffee October 2017, quit cannabis 😩 July 2018
  • Magnesium powder, fish oil, estradiol, kombucha, gluten/dairy/histamine-lite
  • Lifestyle changes: AA, kundalini practice

 

"If you've seen a monster, even if it's horrible, that's evidence of divinity." – Damien Echols

 

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Moonpie

Thank you for your transparency in sharing and your post!  I truly needed it!  Moonpie


1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/16 - taper start 2/17.  1/07/2017 tapering A.m. and pm doses .001 every 4 days.  Prescribed for a thyroid medication mess up made thyroid go crazy for 8 months.
Also on Buspar .5 divided into 2 even doses AM and PM- Start date 9/2016 - Lexapro .PM - 5 mg start date 11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/17.

Current: 3 doses  doses at 8AM - 2 PM and bedtime (varies) reduced from pill weight  from .069 to .035 on each dose. Tapering .001 every 4 days of midday dose.  As of 1-29-2018 .011 - AM and PM dose .030, holding. 

Current, 5/2/18: Ativan a.m. dose .030 and p.m. dose .018 (tapering by weight. ) Tapered off midday dose 3-15-18. Tapered off p.m. dose 7-16-18. Over half way tapering off last dose - morning dose. All other med doses remain the same. OFF ATIVAN! 11-16-2018

Very very sensitive to Ativan. 

1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 mmg every 4 days. 9-15-19 At .093 in weight from beginning weight of .152.  Still tapering .001 every 4 days 1-1-2020 .069

N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  12-22-17 reduced  from  75 mg. to 67.5 daily  Bio-identical female hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream 1 time daily.  .04-6-2020 Lexapro at .050 in weight. Buspar .5 divided into 2 doses am and pm  4-22-2020 Lexapro taper .047  6-15-2020 Lexapro taper .037  8-21-2020 .020  10-10-2020 .012

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

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elbee

@FarmGirlWorks Thanks for sharing your courageous story! And thank you for your service to this website. 🙏❤️


My suggestions are not medical advice. They are my opinions based on my own experience, strength and hope.

You are in charge of your own medical / healing / recovery choices.

My success story |  My introduction thread

 

ZOLOFT FREE - COMPLETELY DRUG FREE 4/28/2019! - total time on 28+ years

BENZO FREE! 4/7/2018 - total time on 27+ years

REMERON FREE! 12/11/2016 - total time on 15 months

Caffeine & Nicotine Free 2014 / 2015 - smoked for 28 years

Alcohol Free 4/1/2014 - drank for 30 years

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