FarmGirlWorks Recovery Appeared as a Pickle-and-Cheese Sandwich

[ShiningLight]

Crisis work, wow! Tough crowd. Good for you! 😀 I hope the learning goes well and that you find ways to destress.

 

Thanks so much for your support!

[Rosetta]

Hi FGW, I was just thinking about you the other day.  I don’t know why I didn’t see your post back in June.  I’m sorry that I did not respond! My sympathies for your loss.  I’m glad your bio-dad is being more reasonable.  
 

I’m still having some anxiety, too, but it’s usually manageable.  Depression is very rare and short-lived —as in hours not days or weeks — although it can be intense. Dr. David Burns wrote a book called The Feeling Good Handbook about cognitive therapy.  Sometimes reading a bit of it is all I need to remind me of the technique.
 

Hang in there, Rosetta

[FarmGirlWorks]

So good to hear from you @Rosetta... we were in the thick of it at similar times and the bonds forged in times of duress are strong. Thanks for the update. The anxiety/depression axis is more manageable here too. However I am curious what technique you use... thanks for the name and will check it out. If there is something you find particularly helpful, please share.

 

Sending good vibes!

Edited November 15, 2021 by FarmGirlWorks

[Jadenatalie]

@FarmGirlWorks So great reading this success story. I read your introduction thread and i'm 8 months off cold turkey and looking at where you were around the 8/9 month mark is how i feel right now, severely low mood,crying,anxiety etc. Seems like the worst wave ive had so far. But this success story gives me hope i'm going to get through it! x

[FarmGirlWorks]

Awwww @Jadenatalie -- you will make it, you def will get through it. The Success stories are what gave me hope that it would end because so many others went through it and recovered -- even though it seemed unfathomable at the time. Whenever the Hopeless/Despair/Black feels arise, comfort yourself with Success Stories. I read some of them several times over and knew some almost by heart. Always, always they gave enough inspiration to keep on going. Plus, when the woods thin and you begin to see the light, you'll have more tools so the pharmaceuticals aren't a solution (because they aren't).

Edited November 19, 2021 by FarmGirlWorks

[Jadenatalie]

19 hours ago, FarmGirlWorks said:

Awwww @Jadenatalie -- you will make it, you def will get through it. The Success stories are what gave me hope that it would end because so many others went through it and recovered -- even though it seemed unfathomable at the time. Whenever the Hopeless/Despair/Black feels arise, comfort yourself with Success Stories. I read some of them several times over and knew some almost by heart. Always, always they gave enough inspiration to keep on going. Plus, when the woods thin and you begin to see the light, you'll have more tools so the pharmaceuticals aren't a solution (because they aren't).

Thank you @FarmGirlWorkshopefully I'll be writing my own success story one day. X

[ryan1982]

@FarmGirlWorks

 

Hi FGW- how are you doing these days? I'm hopeful that withdrawal is but a memory!

 

Quick question for you- how long did your head pressure last? I'm going on 13 months since an adverse reaction to an anti-seizure med (still on Lexapro 3.8 MG) and I've had head pressure in some form the whole time. Makes thinking hard, difficult to look at bright lights, etc. It's moved around from the top of the head to the forehead and has been in my eyes for 6 months. Did your head pressure make cognition and your senses work overtime?

 

I appreciate you very much and I hope you're doing great! 

[FarmGirlWorks]

Hey @ryan1982,

 

Good to hear from you. There is definitely more road behind me since Withdrawal. April 1 it was the 5-year mark since I stopped sertraline/zoloft. Of any date I mark (anniversary of brain surgery, quitting alcohol) that date is so important. That is when I started to wake up. And you are too and will get there. I know it.

 

Regarding your question, my cognition was so impaired by near-constant head pressure and suicidal ideation that it probably did effect senses too. The bright light thing is def real. I still don't like to be around fluorescent lights long but they no longer make me physically ill. Hope it goes away for you sooner rather than later, it's a bear of a symptom.

[ryan1982]

Thanks so much, @FarmGirlWorks. You're very kind to come back and engage with those of us still in the trough of despair, haha. You're right about the cognition thing- I'm not sure if it's the chicken or the egg but the head pressure is brutal so I can't think or vice-versa. Makes my sales job at a large tech company very interesting and terrifying at times. 

 

You're absolutely right- the 5 year mark is a huge milestone and I hope to be able to stabilize enough soon so I can resume my taper and start the march to 0. I want this poison out of my body. I'm so happy to see that you're on the other side.

 

Best of luck with everything, my friend!

[FarmGirlWorks]

@ryan1982, grateful to be asked a question. The peer support here at SA was crucial going through it. I look forward to hear of your progress as you "march to 0."

[FarmGirlWorks]

"During her candid sit-down on GMA, Naomi (Judd) explained she was initially 'treatment resistant (to depression) because they tried me on every single thing they had in their arsenal.' That included several stays in psychiatric wards and being prescribed a variety of medications, which Naomi said caused her face to swell up "like a balloon" and her hands to shake."  - Daily Mail

 

I did a quick search to see if Naomi Judd was on psychotropics at time of death. Nothing conclusive but it would not be surprising. The trauma of her early life when she was sexually abused by a family member at age 3(!) made my stomach turn. She was date raped and got pregnant with daughter Wynonna. There is much more. Trauma/C-PTSD is dark and tenacious -- but not invincible. I firmly believe that getting off psychotropic drugs, like all you beautiful souls are doing, is a first step. Then dealing with the trauma without being numbed.

 

Recently, with a licensed therapist, I worked with a substance well-researched and lauded for trauma. It was the first time I saw potential for healing from trauma because instead of talking or writing about it, I felt it in my bones. There is absolutely no way -- no way -- that this would have been good for me in withdrawal because it blows out your serotonin for a few days to a few weeks and, I think, that would have triggered a Very Bad Wave. Hell, I've been going through a wave due to other fantastically difficult situational stressors. At points, I could almost feel poisonous blood coursing through me. But the "dip" from the substance was mild by comparison. Now that I am at 5 years, trying this approach seemed feasible. And it seems to be working -- for me.

 

The point of this is: there can be light at the end of the collective tunnel we pass through. Hang on, you do not know what is around the bend.

Edited May 13, 2022 by FarmGirlWorks

[mva96]

Really to happy your giving that type of therapy a try @FarmGirlWorks.

 

I've seen it transform a lot of lives in only a few sessions, I hope to do the same to one day when i am off these damn drugs and recovered.

[FarmGirlWorks]

👉 You'll recover! It just takes time and crazy patience. Thanks for the kind words too. @mva96

Edited May 17, 2022 by FarmGirlWorks

[mva96]

Thanks @FarmGirlWorks, wish you all the best on your trauma healing, I will be following for updates!

[FarmGirlWorks]

A request from Medicating Normal to participate in the creation of a survey about antidepressant withdrawal. Here is the link:

 

https://mailchi.mp/f565fe380a74/take-and-share-the-protect-study-survey?e=512162e19d

[WilliamR]

@FarmGirlWorks Curious, have you tried ayahuasca (or any other entheogen) since 2017?

[Rosetta]

💛

[FarmGirlWorks]

Posting after 3.5 months of proper supplementation. I have the MTHFR genetic mutation from both bio-parents which means that I:

• only absorb roughly 30% of B vitamins
• have trouble building serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine (wired for misery, yes)
• can't absorb folic acid added to many foods which blocks the "holes" for good folate to get into cells

In the early months of 2023, I was in a *dark* depression. DARK. I was exercising, teaching yoga, being (a little) socially active, regular supplementation. In extreme desperation, I reached out to a psychiatrist for help (full disclosure, a friend had given me a tablet of adderall and that relieved my depression and fatigue). As many of us have found out, psychiatrists are prescription-happy. Despite telling him that I went through WD for 3 years and no SSRIS thank you very much, he said I was very depressed according to his chart (duh) and prescribed me Lexapro with a telehealth visit the following month. I promptly threw them away. Jerk.

 

I researched ketamine treatments, TCM, and even ECT. For doing everything right, why was it all so wrong? I finally admitted, as much as I hate psychiatric labels, that I might have MD or TRD. When I researched treatments using those terms, I read a scholarly aricle from the NIMH (can't find it now) about a woman like me who had a bad reaction to SSRIs, childhood trauma, was physically active, and took supplements that didn't help much. And she had the MTHFR mutation (aka "motherf*&ker mutation). The doctors put her on a high dose of L-methylfolate (they also suggested an SSRI adjunct to which she said no). Within a few days, no more depression. WTF!

 

From taking a DNA test several years ago due to being an adoptee, I knew I was MTHFR mutated. Aside from ethnicity, I ran the data thru Genetic Genie and NutraHacker to see if I was predisposed to cancer or heart disease. I saw that I was MTHFR screwed but didn't think much of it as it just showed the results not the ramifications. Big deal, I thought, so B vitamins are a problem to metabolize. Mistake: it is a very BIG deal.

 

After the L-methyfolate came as it is OTC on Amazon, I took 15mg. Within a day, no more depression. In fact, for three days, I was manically happy (that was great although a little like being on too much Ecstasy) and then it leveled out and I still was not depressed but irritability was present. After a month of this, I randomly talked with a nurse practitioner at a large psychedelic conference, and he suggested I also take lithium-orotate and NAC. I started the lithium orotate and it dialed down the irritability (a sign of depression). I also began taking liposomal glutathione (a master antioxidant). I am still clearing out the toxic stew that had built up in my poor body and, apparently, it takes us A blood types a little longer to normalize. But I am so, so much better.

 

I WISH I had read the below post by Altostrata years ago! Who knows if it would have saved any WD time (I was deep in it when I found SA) but I def would have recovered sooner after clearing the SSRIs from my system. Also, there was white-hot rage at the western medical system and the few naturopaths I had seen that did not order a genetic panel but instead threw medicine and worthless but expensive supplements at me. Ugh. It is said that rage is a symptom of deep grief and I do feel such grief for years and energy lost.

 

Life is better now though. I am recovering more each day. A dear friend bought a house that I co-own and we are moving from Seattle to Pittsburgh in September. Yes, it is stressful but I am genuinely optimistic and hope for the best. No suicidal ideation. I am a little worried about my energy but I am trying. Dear lord: I went through a brain tumor, withdrawal, and quit drinking. Giving myself compassion for surviving all those.

 

This is long but the point is, consider getting a genetic test. It is easy to do through one of the DNA biggies (23andMe, Ancestry, etc), download the raw data, then upload it for free to GeneticGenie or NutraHacker. If you have a mutation, the book Dirty Genes by Dr Ben Lynch is helpful for nutrition, diet, and lifestyle. There's a lot of info on the internet too.

 

I wanted to write this when I first discovered it but wanted to make sure it wasn't a temporal phenomenon. So far, so good, and it seems to be getting better each day.

 

 

 

 

Edited July 26, 2023 by FarmGirlWorks

[biggarf]

@FarmGirlWorks Thats incredible that you were able to find this out. Im a massive fan of using bloodwork and genetics to influence diet and supplementation and its amazing that you found something that works. I recommend checking out genome link, its another free site like genetic genie but its a lot easier to understand and they send you a free trait every week and it can go fairly in depth in the diet aspect and I was able to learn about potential nutrient deficiencies beyond MTHFR.

[NeedMoreHope]

Thanks for this information.  I have this mutation as well.  Question: Should those of us in the midst of withdrawal take any of these supplements, or is it best to wait until we are off meds/through withdrawal?  

[FarmGirlWorks]

@biggarf: Thanks for the info about Genome Link, checking it out right now. I am so with you on bloodwork and genetics being important to determining what we need to be healthier.

 

@NeedMoreHope: I don't know, honestly do not know. I went through WD with few supplements. If I did know that I had the mutation, based on my personality, I would. I esp don't see how they could hurt. But that is a question for someone with more WD and medical experience than I.

[andy96gr]

On 7/26/2023 at 10:34 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

I also began taking liposomal glutathione (a master antioxidant). I am still clearing out the toxic stew that had built up in my poor body and, apparently, it takes us A blood types a little longer to normalize. But I am so, so much better.

Hello @FarmGirlWorks where did you learn about this did this helped you? I'm 10 months off from a CT and trying to find solutions to decrease the intensity of my symptoms because I'm having a difficult time.

 

On 7/26/2023 at 10:34 PM, FarmGirlWorks said:

WISH I had read the below post by Altostrata years ago! Who knows if it would have saved any WD time (I was deep in it when I found SA) but I def would have recovered sooner after clearing the SSRIs from my system.

How could you clear SSRI from your system sooner and you didn't? Is thaere anything that could help naturally or with supplements?

 

Wish you further improvements and full recovery soon 🙂.

[FarmGirlWorks]

12 hours ago, andy96gr said:

Hello @FarmGirlWorks where did you learn about this did this helped you? I'm 10 months off from a CT and trying to find solutions to decrease the intensity of my symptoms because I'm having a difficult time.

 

How could you clear SSRI from your system sooner and you didn't? Is thaere anything that could help naturally or with supplements?

 

Wish you further improvements and full recovery soon

[FarmGirlWorks]

Hi @andy96gr,

First, I feel you on 10months and essentially a CT… it’s no joke and I hope you recover sooner rather than later. No matter what though, you’ll heal. 
 

I just read about MTHFR mutation and there are recommendations for lifestyle and supplements to deal specifically with it. And as far as possibly have healing faster, I really have no idea. For you, the SA recommendations to keep supplementation light. Sauna and hot tubs at the gym helped. So did acupuncture. And it still took over 3 years. But I began to see glimmers of recovery — you will too 🌺

[KenA]

@FarmGirlWorks Your success story was one of the first one's I ran across when I joined this site! Your positivity and encouragement truly did help me when I was going through some hard times. So much so that I printed it out and put it in my folder of positivity! I don't think I ever posted and told you thank you, but I wanted to let you know that you truly were a light in the darkness and it helped so much. So thank you! I appreciate the message you shared so much! 

[FarmGirlWorks]

To be in a "Folder of Positivity" is a great honor indeed. So glad my Success Story was a part of your success. Congratulations.