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SolarPlexus

Suicidal thoughts, please help

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SolarPlexus

I'm on my 19th month of withdrawal from Cipralex (also sold under the brand name Lexapro). I pretty much had only one withdrawal symptom at the start - anxiety. Then in month 14 I was hit with a barrage of symptoms (physical and psychological). Clearly delayed and portracted withdrawal. Electromagnetic sensitivity, bizarre sensations in my head, brain fog, muscle pain, deep depression, suicidal ideation, you name it. It's been going on ever since. Five months of waves with some windows in between. I have been taking rhodiola rosea for a few weeks which helped my mood but was told herbal supplements delay healing so I started going down by 10%. Today I closed my eyes to try to visualize what a healthy happy future would look like but the mild depression I had pre-meds has multiplied fivefold in withdrawal. I couldn't see anything worthwhile and I started getting suicidal thoughts again. How do I know that this level of depression is not here to stay forever? Has anyone had their depression milden over time in withdrawal? Please help. I feel down in the dumps today. 

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Onmyway

Hi SolarPlexus, 

it's one of the hardest things to imagine that we will be healed in the midst of all the turmoil and horror but from everything I have read here the vast majority of people get better. I must have seen 2-3 people still with significant symptoms very far out. This is not here to stay!

 

Are you using any of the non-drug techniques to help? They don't always help but often they do so it might be worth trying. You can have a look at the thread and see. 

 

I hope that things start looking up soon. 

I am out of a week long wave and back in the dumps myself and hope is the only thing that's helping. I thought I'd share it :) 

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SolarPlexus
34 minutes ago, Onmyway said:

Hi SolarPlexus, 

it's one of the hardest things to imagine that we will be healed in the midst of all the turmoil and horror but from everything I have read here the vast majority of people get better. I must have seen 2-3 people still with significant symptoms very far out. This is not here to stay!

 

Are you using any of the non-drug techniques to help? They don't always help but often they do so it might be worth trying. You can have a look at the thread and see. 

 

I hope that things start looking up soon. 

I am out of a week long wave and back in the dumps myself and hope is the only thing that's helping. I thought I'd share it :)

Thank you Onmyway 🙏 I'm doing everything I can: Reiki, Somatic Experiencing, praying, journaling, meditation, walking, diet alterations, bibliotherapy (books and audiobooks), magnesium supplement, painting. I even bought a teddy bear to hold for anxious moments. They all help and there are windows and neutral days but when the waves of depression hit they're off the charts. Existential depression questioning the entire meaning of my existence. Anyway I dressed up now and went down to meet a friend to try and change my mood and get out of the house. Listening to Kelly Brogan's audiobook "Own your self" for some relief. I keep repeating to myself the quote of Viktor Frankl: "if there is meaning to life then there must be meaning to suffering." I'm trying to look at this experience as a psychospiritual crisis trying to teach me something. So many things are stressors right now that I'm wondering if my soul is trying to tell me that I need major life changes. Trying to stay hopeful. Prayer helps. Thank you for your kind response. I hope you have a beautiful long window soon. I hope we have permanent windows soon. I hope everyone going through this heals soon. I pray for us all 🙏 Thank you Onmyway. We are hopefully all Onourway 🙏 

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Anthony75

@SolarPlexus

 

Hi SolarPlexus,

 

I’m truly sorry that you are going through this right now. Unfortunately I don’t have any answers yet. But for me in a window the depression in minor to non existent. So it definitely does get better. From the way you described your current stage in withdrawal I’m in the exact same situation as you as far as the depression symptoms. So hopefully this gives you some comfort that you’re not alone in this. Because for me that was huge that I wasn’t alone in this. I hope this gives you some comfort. Also I could be wrong but I remember reading on here that depression was the last stage. I can’t find the post anymore. But please don’t take my word for it because at the time I wasn’t dealing with depression I was in the panic stage. If you ever need to talk I’m here for you. No one should have to go through this alone it’s already hard enough. Wish you the best, Anthony 

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SolarPlexus
46 minutes ago, Anthony75 said:

@SolarPlexus

 

Hi SolarPlexus,

 

I’m truly sorry that you are going through this right now. Unfortunately I don’t have any answers yet. From the way you described your current stage in withdrawal I’m in the exact same situation as you as far as the depression symptoms. I know that this is not advice or help but hopefully some comfort that you’re not alone. Because for me that was huge that I wasn’t alone in this. I hope this gives you comfort. Also I could be wrong but I remember reading on here that depression was the last stage. But please don’t take my word for it because at the time I wasn’t dealing with depression I was in the panic stage. If you ever need to talk I’m here for you. No one should have to go through this alone it’s already hard enough. Wish you the best, Anthony 

@Anthony75

Dear @Anthony75, thank you so much for your kind reply and solidarity.  I really appreciate it. This forum and Benzo Buddies have been my lifeline the past few months and I am deeply touched by all the kindness and compassion on those forums. You are one of those kind, compassionate people. Thank you Anthony. Since I have been on a rollercoaster in withdrawal, I am going through the standard waves and windows. I am currently having a window and I wish to share with you what I did in the past few days that has helped relax my nervous system a bit. Just in case it's helpful to you and others. Of course it could be a coincidence that I am having a window at the moment, but I will share the info nonetheless just in case it has anything to do with the relief I am feeling this instant. I have been listening to the audiobook of "Own Your Self" by Dr. Kelly Brogan and am trying out what she calls an anti-inflammatory ancestral diet, literally only eating things the ancient folks would have eaten like herring, boiled meat, vegetables and fruits. Zero processed food. She is a holistic American psychiatrist who does not believe in medicating patients and argues that diet, among other natural interventions, is integral to relieving depression. I am also adding one sachet of a powder for dehydration to a glass of water daily. It is widely sold here in Egypt and is generally considered safe even for children to consume (https://www.sedico.net/English/Products/WebPages/Hydro-safe/Hydro-safe_e.htm). Additionally I had my fourth Reiki session last night (have been doing it weekly). It really helped to relax me. I can share with you the music the practitioner plays in case you find it relaxing too. I know how sensitive our nervous systems are right now and certain sounds can drive us nuts. I personally relax to the tune she uses ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZazHNoiDzw). I am also trying very hard to control my reactions to stress triggers and I am praying and journaling daily (writing positive affirmations and expressions of gratitude whenever I have a window). I have small printouts of short happy recovery stories that resonated with me glued in my journal as well as empowering quotes by people like Viktor Frankl, Wayne Dyer and Steve Maraboli.  Of course I have no idea how I will feel tomorrow or even in a few hours or moments. Everything keeps shifting and changing dramatically, but since I am having a good moment, I hope to share it too with you. I am also here for you if you ever need to talk. Once again, thank you Anthony. Sorry for the long reply but I also want to help you and others as much as I can, when I can. I pray for us all to heal soon. 

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Anthony75

@SolarPlexus

 

Hi SolarPlexus,

 

Hope you’re feeling well. Thank you for the kind words I appreciate it. Also thank you for the information I will look into it. I definitely agree about eating processed food. Best wishes, Anthony 

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