Mimi79: Will I survive?

[Mimi79]

This wave is pretty hard. Usually, I have anxiety, but rarely depression. But now this is almost a big feeling of depression. I observe that I often have a wave starting during my period. Is it normal?

[Mimi79]

Another question, I can I know that I'm experiencing a poop-out with my Ads? I know my mirtazapine isn't working at all, but is this a poop-out?

Thank you.

[Mimi79]

I'm asking myself, we know that hormone imbalance can cause anxiety and depression. If so, what can I do about that? Just wondering because my symptoms are often worse during my period. I'm forty, and I'm getting closer of perimenopause.

[Altostrata]

Hello, Mimi. What hormone imbalance are you referring to?

 

What are your current symptoms? What was the last time you made a change in your drugs, from what to what?

 

Are you still taking Ativan and Seroquel occasionally?

[Mimi79]

Hi @Altostrata

I don’t take Seroquel or Ativan anymore. I stopped them in the first week of March.

I’m still on 45 mg Mirtazapine and stabilizing since 2 months now. 
I have some interrogation because I’m still experiencing some bad waves, even if I’m stable since 2 months. I try to figure why. 
This is why I asked those questions. Is it normal that it takes so much time? Is it a poop-out from mirtazapine?

And do my hormones (œstrogènes, progestérone) can trigger a wave? Because I observe that the waves I’m experiencing often start during my period.

 

Thank you

[Mimi79]

I have some interrogation because I’m still experiencing some bad waves, even if I’m stable since 2 months. I try to figure why. 
This is why I asked those questions. Is it normal that it takes so much time? Is it a poop-out from mirtazapine?

And do my hormones (œstrogènes, progestérone) can trigger a wave? Because I observe that the waves I’m experiencing often start during my period.

And unfortunately, I had some bad nights with insomnia the last days, do it can exacerbate a wave? Or is it the wave that caused insomnia? 
It is truly the worst wave since I’m stabilizing. I even have Akathisia and depression. I’m panicked now. 

 

Thank you

[Altostrata]

Yes, women often report worse withdrawal-related symptoms at times in their cycle. Your nervous system may still be sensitive from your earlier drug mishaps. It can take months to settle down, that's not unusual.

[Rosetta]

Mimi,

 

Hi.  If you read my thread you will see that my period and ovulation happen at the same time as waves.  I think the hormone change causes the wave.  It’s going to be ok.  You can get through it.  For akathisia, I took hot baths.  I also had a shoulder wrap that I could warm in the microwave.  Warmth always helped me cope.  As my brain has healed the intensity of the waves has decreased.  Even when I have my period now the wave is not as strong.  Hang in there,

Rosetta

[Altostrata]

On 4/20/2020 at 6:57 PM, Mimi79 said:

And do my hormones (œstrogènes, progestérone) can trigger a wave? Because I observe that the waves I’m experiencing often start during my period.

 

 

It seems many women have worse symptoms at times in their cycle. Many women also have insomnia when they are pre-menstrual.

 

What do you mean by "akathisia"? How often does this happen.

[Mimi79]

Akathisia: I feel stressful, full of bad energy, restless. Like I would like to run all day long. 
Because of my insomnia, I have take a Seroquel 12,5mg to help last night and today I feel worse. Is it possible that such a tiny dose of Seroquel can cause those symptoms? I’ve been using Seroquel since many years and I never had those symptoms before. But it has been a month since the last time I took it, maybe now my body doesn’t take it anymore?

[Altostrata]

Yes, your body may not like 12.5mg Seroquel.

 

Are you getting insomnia only around your time of month? What effect does 45mg mirtazapine have on you?

 

How long have you been taking B vitamins?

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Taking magnesium in small amounts throughout the day is more effective.

 

[Mimi79]

I will definitely try to stop Seroquel.

Yes, I think I have more problems with my insomnia around my period. Anxiety about insomnia is a big problem for me. This is why I initially start taking ADs 12 years ago.

Facing insomnia without drugs is my biggest challenge. But I know it’s feasible.

I don’t seem to have much effect when I take my 45mg of Mirtazapine. Before last week, I was feeling quite good since starting to stabilize.

I take B vit since last May. I know that it is not recommended here, but if I stop it, I often feel more depressed the days after. And it doesn’t seem to exacerbate my anxiety. 
I’m already taking magnesium glycinate twice a day and I’m doing Epsom bath almost every day. I take Omega-3 each day too. 
Last night I slept well without taking Seroquel. I’m very happy of that!😊

Now I wish to continue to stabilize without other meds than Mirtazapine  and hope I will feel better soon.

Is it possible that my body rejects more and more the psychotropic drugs I was use to take? It seems to be the same thing with alcool. Until December, I didn’t have any problem with alcool but now, only one glass of wine send me in intense anxiety.

Thank you.

[Altostrata]

A lot of women get insomnia at their time of month. You might look into herbal or non-drug treatments for this.

 

9 hours ago, Mimi79 said:

Is it possible that my body rejects more and more the psychotropic drugs I was use to take? It seems to be the same thing with alcool. Until December, I didn’t have any problem with alcool but now, only one glass of wine send me in intense anxiety.

 

Going on and off drugs tend to make people hypersensitive to anything neuroactive. If I were you, I'd avoid alcohol, it could cause bad symptoms for weeks when you're hypersensitized.

 

Please be sure to take 45mg mirtazapine at the same time each day. When you feel stable, you might try a very small decrease, such as 1mg. Please let us know how you're doing.

[Mimi79]

@Altostrata I've just watched your video on YouTube and I feel so thankful and grateful to have found your website (and found you) on my way to recovery. I can't thank you enough for doing everything you do to help me, help all of us who are victims of modern psychiatry. I hope one day I will be able to give you back everything you did for me. Thank you again to you and all the SA team.

[Altostrata]

You're very welcome, Mimi.

[Mimi79]

@Altostrata You mentioned something in your last post about starting my taper:

On 4/24/2020 at 7:03 PM, Altostrata said:

When you feel stable, you might try a very small decrease, such as 1mg. Please let us know how you're doing.

I’m still wondering how can I know that I’m ready to start my taper. In response to my first post, Gridley said that I had to wait at least one month.

Now, two months later, I’m still having some wave and windows and sometime a lot of anxiety. I haven’t see a lot of improvement in the last month. I feel that I need to stabilize more. But if I don’t see much improvement in the next few weeks (so no big change in my symptoms),  Am I right to try to start my taper?

I know that I’ve already ask similar question, but finding the best moment (momentum) to start my taper is like a « complex science » for me!

Thank you very much!

Mimi.

[Altostrata]

37 minutes ago, Mimi79 said:

I feel that I need to stabilize more.

 

If you feel you need to stabilize more, stabilize more.

[Mimi79]

I’m wondering. It’s been almost 3 months now that I’ve been stabilizing, and I have the bad surprise to see my anxiety and OCD increasing during the last days. In the first month of stabilizing, I’ve seen great improvement and that encourages me a lot. But to see myself deteriorate now is causing me some panick! Is it normal? Can I still hope to start my taper soon? Today, I feel hopeless. I thought that once you see improvements, it tends to only get better and better. 
And I don’t know why I feel this anxiety. Maybe it’s the lockdown from the virus, maybe it’s my medication or the W/D. And I can’t get out of my head that the OCD I have since February could be stucked to me forever.  I’m so afraid of it. 
I want to start my taper as soon as possible and  it scares me that something could prevent me to do so. 
Do you thing I can start my taper even if I still have anxiety and ocd?

Thank you.

[Shep]

50 minutes ago, Mimi79 said:

Do you thing I can start my taper even if I still have anxiety and ocd?

 

What are you doing to cope with these feelings, Mimi? Are they helpful? 

 

How is your sleep? 

[Mimi79]

I'm happy to say that my sleep is quite good. I have on somenight a bit of insomnia, but it is manageable, and most of night I have a 7-9 hours of good sleep. I don't take any meds to cope with insomnia anymore. I'm done with that.

My only symptoms now are OCD and anxiety. I have the feeling that anxiety causes OCD, and OCD causes anxiety. It feed up itself.

To cope with my type of OCD (sensorimotor), I'm actually doing an exposure therapy with my psychologist. It is very hard and for the moment, I don't see any improvement from this.

I try to convince myself that those obessive thoughts will go away once I will be med free. This is what help me most to cope.

Last fall, I was doing mindfulness everyday and it was helping, I guess.

I would like to restart practicing it again. Maybe it could help.

But I'm feeling kind of hopeless at this moment. It's like I'm in a big wave since april that doesn't end.

Thank you very much!

[Shep]

20 minutes ago, Mimi79 said:

To cope with my type of OCD (sensorimotor), I'm actually doing an exposure therapy with my psychologist. It is very hard and for the moment, I don't see any improvement from this.

 

If your nervous system is hyper-reactive, now may not be the best time to do this type of therapy. You may want to take a break from this and see if you feel better. 

 

23 minutes ago, Mimi79 said:

Last fall, I was doing mindfulness everyday and it was helping, I guess.

I would like to restart practicing it again. Maybe it could help.

 

This sounds like a great idea. Many of us find soothing techniques like mindfulness to be much more helpful than things like exposure therapy. Your nervous system needs to be nurtured right now. 

 

Let us know how you do. 

[Mimi79]

I know there is a big difference between those who C/T versus those who taper slowly. But at the end of a slow taper, does it prevent us Totally from having protracted withdrawal?

[Shep]

Mimi, this is from the Why Taper by 10% thread, the first post:

 

On 8/5/2011 at 4:43 PM, Altostrata said:

The 10% taper recommendation is a harm reduction approach to going off psychiatric drugs. While it is not a guarantee you will have trouble-free withdrawal, we believe this conservative tapering method will cause harm to the fewest number of people.

 

Most people come into the forum already destabilized. This harm reduction approach doesn't come with any guarantees, but from what we know, it's the safest way of coming off. 

 

[Mimi79]

Another question. How can I know that my actual symptoms are linked to the « ups and down » I’ve made with my dose of Mirtazapine instead of the Mirtazapine itself causing me symptoms? 
Because if the Mirtazapine is the problem, it would be a good thing to start the taper as soon as possible?

[Shep]

You'll have to make that decision, Mimi. If you feel you're stable enough to make a reduction, you could test the waters with a micro-taper. Perhaps 2 or 3% and see how you feel. 

 

Sorry if we've already gone through this, but I noticed you have B comlex and vit. D in your signature. Do either of these ramp up feelings of anxiety for you? If so, it may be the supplements. Even if you've been on them a long time, your nervous system may now be more destabilized and is hyper-reacting to them. You may want to pay attention to how you feel before and after you take them.

 

Also, are you eating healthy throughout the day and drinking plenty of water? Are there any external stressors that could be causing the ramp up of symptoms? 

[Mimi79]

Few weeks ago, I tried to stop my B and D vit and I’ve seen a big mood drop. I can try again to see if it helps. I don’t see my anxiety ramping after I take them. I’m anxious all day long.
I ran out of magnesium last week, so I didn’t take it during a big week. I’ve bought 2 bottles yesterday, so I won’t miss it anymore. Maybe it will help too.

I think the lockdown and the virus is causing me more and more stress and anxiety, and feelings of hopelessness. I work in hospital and it is not easy. All our vacations and holidays have been canceled for a while, we are in emergency state. 
The atmosphere at work is gloomy and sad. And we don’t see light. Maybe it has influenced me on a bad way. And I can’t see my parents, it is so frustrating. 

All this situation is a big challenge for me, in my state. It certainly doesn’t help.

I will continue to nurture my CNS, as you say, and try to calm me down and be more positive about the near future. And hope my OCD will lessen soon. I will stabilize few weeks more too, I think I need it.

Thanks a lot...

 

[Hanna72]

On 5/6/2020 at 4:52 PM, Mimi79 said:

I'm happy to say that my sleep is quite good. I have on somenight a bit of insomnia, but it is manageable, and most of night I have a 7-9 hours of good sleep. I don't take any meds to cope with insomnia anymore. I'm done with that.

Hey Mimi.  Just being able to sleep is a good sign of improvement, and no drugs to help💪
For you to be able to work in this stress environment just shows the strength you have. We always want to see more windows, but I believe our bodies and minds are doing everything it can to heal us, it just takes time. 
My best wishes to you🙏

 

[Mimi79]

@Hanna72 Thank you so much!❤️ 
I don’t feel strong actually. Maybe I am more then I think. 
I try to go through my work day, one foot in front of the other. 
Here, in Québec, it will be Mother’s Day next sunday, and I can’t go see my mom! First time of my life I won’t spend my Mother’s Day with her. It’s a hard time. 
How do you feel, now that you are drug free? 

[Hanna72]

@Mimi79 I know these are hard times, and on top of it we are dealing with withdrawals. 
I am also taking one step and one day at a time. Trying to focus on what I have instead of what I don’t have. Now drug free I am learning new coping skills and practicing mindfulness every day .I knew once I started this journey it would be  a big challenge. But I know that all this suffering will come to be a great reward in the end.

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

Hello Mimi, 

 

No surprise you feel anxious and hopeless by working in hospital now.

How brave you are !

Give you big hugs from France !

 

Please take care of yourself ❤️

 

 

[Mimi79]

@Erell Thank you so much!! 
The worst thing is not the Virus itself, but the deterioration of our working conditions. Every week brings us bad news. 
What keep me going is that I love my work team! We are all good friends and try to have fun despite the situation.

Take care!

[Kerrym]

Hi hope you are well,

How do you know you had adverse reactions?

 

[Shep]

21 hours ago, Mimi79 said:

Few weeks ago, I tried to stop my B and D vit and I’ve seen a big mood drop. I can try again to see if it helps. I don’t see my anxiety ramping after I take them. I’m anxious all day long.
I ran out of magnesium last week, so I didn’t take it during a big week. I’ve bought 2 bottles yesterday, so I won’t miss it anymore. Maybe it will help too.

 

You may want to stay on the B and D and go back to the magnesium and see if that helps. Let's go with the "one change at a time" rule. If adding the magnesium helps, you may be able to keep taking the B and D, which as you note, helps with mood. 

 

Please let us now how you do as you add the magnesium back in. 

 

 

[Rosetta]

Thinking of you, Mimi.  Rosetta

[Mimi79]

Hi everyone. I’m going through hard times since yesterday. My ocd is so bad, I’m barely able to concentrate at my job. I feel so hopeless and depressed and it causes me lot of anxiety. 
I’m desperate bc I was planning to start my taper in June and I have the feeling I won’t be able to. 
Sometime I have this awful feeling that I’ll never ever be able to start tapering. 
I think some of my symptoms are coming from Mirtazapine, and I am afraid I will never stabilize on it.

And maybe I did a mistake. Reading through this forum, I’ve read testimonials of people who have been stuck with OCD even after WD and it discouraged me a lot! 
I just want to be able to taper ASAP and try to recover. So desperate...

 

[Hanna72]

1 hour ago, Mimi79 said:

I feel so hopeless and depressed and it causes me lot of anxiety. 

There is so much hope, I know sometimes it doesn’t feel like that but there is. So many people have healed, put that in your mind. Focusing on negative stories only makes us feel worse. Avoid them. 
You will be able to taper again, I have no doubt, you should too. Don’t compare your journey to others, make it your own💪
It will get better, have faith in yourself, you got this🙏