hoping21: adverse reaction & cold turkey, feeling lost

[hoping21]

I'll try to keep this kind of short. I've finally decided to post an intro today after reading posts on this site for a few years now which has helped a lot with understanding what's going on since most doctors just told me my SSRI discontinuation/withdrawal symptoms-which were unlike anything I'd ever experienced before and physically and emotionally worse than I'd ever felt-were a return of my depression & anxiety or possibly a bipolar disorder according to one doctor. I knew for a fact that it was not my original anxiety & depression, but I had no idea what was happening in the beginning or how to explain it. 

 

I had social anxiety, depression, & general anxiety since age 12 and was not allowed to drive/take the bus/go out or do much by myself other than going to school (because everything was too dangerous) by controlling, religious parents with their own high anxiety and agoraphobia.

 

I was never allowed to receive counseling for these issues & when I went off to college, it was an extremely difficult struggle going from not being allowed to do almost anything to suddenly being responsible for figuring everything out on my own. I was also not great with time management skills & knowing how to plan ahead. (I actually relate to a lot of symptoms of ADD & Asperger's, which both greatly affect social skills & ability to get through college and would explain a lot of problems I've had. I have learned more about them in the past year, but can't afford to get diagnosed right now so I've just been looking at support groups for days when my nausea is lessened.)  I felt overwhelmed all the time and all my negative thoughts worsened severely. I didn't see the free counselor at college during this time either because I was embarrassed about everything and about asking for help.

 

I finally decided I wanted to try to make a change and try counseling the summer after sophomore year of college at age 20 and was at rock bottom, desperate to not feel depressed. I knew someone who said their antidepressant helped them, so I asked a doctor for medicine and they prescribed sertraline.

 

After taking the first pill, I had a surge of anxiety and racing thoughts that made it impossible to concentrate. Within the first couple days on 25 mg of sertraline, I was gagging and dry heaving over and over for at least 20 minutes as soon as I ate anything. I would also throw up multiple times in a short timespan after one snack or meal. I called my Dr & was told to skip a dose and then change the time I took the dose from morning to night. After a week of this (dry heaving & vomiting all meals) on 25 mg, and another call to the doctor, I was told that digestive issues are a possible starting symptom and to increase to 50 mg. As soon as I increased, the gagging & vomiting increased even more. After 6 days of this, I called the doctor again and was told I could stop taking it altogether since it had been such a short amount of time on it. And to come in for a different medicine Rx after the weekend.

 

The very first day that I didn't take the sertraline, I felt the worst nausea I had ever felt in my entire life. I ended up asking a friend to drive me to the ER because I felt so sick. I told the Dr how I had just stopped sertraline. The doctor said that my pupils were dilated and my reflexes were overactive. Then, he listed off illegal drugs & asked if I had taken those. (No, I've never tried any drug before). He said "You need to tell me what else is going on because the antidepressant couldn't have caused this." And I said "I don't know" and started crying. I do know that people in my family are highly sensitive to medicines and have since found out I have a gene that causes me to metabolize slowly so things build up for longer in my system. Anyway, the Dr left the room and at one point I was given Ativan in an IV by the nurse which did ease the nausea. When the Dr came back, he told me I had SSRI discontinuation syndrome, (he didn't explain what that meant), that I could never try another SSRI, and gave me a Rx for a small bottle of Ativan. My mom said he mentioned something on the phone to her about serotonin syndrome which dilated pupils and overactive reflexes are symptoms of, but I don't remember him saying anything about it directly to me. He also mentioned reinstating a small amount might help but my mom didn't pass this on to me until much later because she didn't want me to take it. 

 

After that, I experienced:

 

-more dry heaving which gradually lessened in frequency

-random times of vomiting after eating and after exercising when I wasn't sick & the food wasn't bad (or sometimes nothing was left to vomit & only a small amount would come up)

-continuing debilitating nausea & dizziness

-olfactory hallucination (putrid smell that wouldn't go away, would intensify around strong scents such as soap & car exhaust)

-uncontrollable crying at every tiny thing (neuro-emotion, not regular sadness)

-uncontrollable rage (neuro-emotion)

-intrusive thoughts & floods of bad memories which I "word vomited" in texts to my sisters

-didn't want to be around people who I associated with bad memories because it would greatly intensify neuro-anxiety. (I'd guess the feeling is similar to what people mean who talk about experiencing bad drug trips and how it's important to be with people you  trust)

-nightmares

-paranoia/suspicion/distrust (felt like my mom & sister were not really my mom and sister even though logically, I knew it was them. Things feel creepy & sinister -almost like a horror movie sometimes. A post I read here compared the sinister feeling to a bad LSD trip. I have never tried LSD, but I understood what they meant & is the closest way I found to describe it.

-cognitive fog (thinking, processing speed, & reaction time is noticeably slower) (I was a slow thinker/processor before, but it feels like I have brain damage now)

-memory problems (I was somewhat forgetful before, but am even more so now)

-depersonalization ("it feels like the medicine changed who I am & I don't have an identity/sense of self which I still hadn't fully formed before sertraline)

-derealization (feel emotionally disconnected & distant from people/atmosphere. I know things are real, but they don't feel real. Sometimes it feels like consequences won't matter or there is no sense of helpful anxiety even in a potentially dangerous situation. Logically, I know they do matter and still want to do the right thing)

-anhedonia/apathy/emotionally numb (don't care about things or have the same amount of passion for interests or feel empathy for other people's emotions or feel spiritual even though I had some spiritual beliefs before. Couldn't feel hopeful about anything/future or feel love towards or from anyone. These emotions have slowly returned to a certain degree since then & levels of ability to feel them have changed at different courses of time)

-blurred/cloudy vision (when DR was at most intense, vision was different. Hard to explain)

-eye floaters ( random black specks & lines) Didn't notice these until a year after DC-ing 

-constant yawning/air hunger

-stomach/digestion issues

-burning, tingling, itching, numbness, redness in feet

-brain zaps/"crackles" (sometimes annoying, sometimes painful, but my most tolerable symptom)

-head pressure/tightness, feels like head is being squeezed

-headaches

 

There was also a period of 6 months where I thought certain symptoms were over and after that period, the dizziness returned.

 

Those are most of the symptoms I've experienced in the past approx 3.5 years.  They're not in order. I'm 24 now. A few have gone away for the most part (vomiting, olfactory hallucination, yawning) and most are less intense. I have really improved a lot, I don't mean to sound overly negative. But, I still have the issues I went on the SSRI for & I have trouble accepting where I am & worrying about where to go from here & the uncertainty of how long this lasts because it has put lots of areas of my life on hold (I wasn't able to go back to college, I hope to someday) and ended up making things harder to deal with when I was told it would make them easier. (BTW, I am now seeing a counselor). I don't understand why people say SSRI's are not technically drugs when they have this much of an effect on your mind, mood, & perceptions.

 

Sorry if I have over shared, I might need to post a shorter version of this at some point that's easier to read. And I'm still figuring out the layout of the website & where to post about certain questions & topics. I just know that sometimes other people's explanations made me feel better because I had some understanding of what was happening & words to describe feelings I'd never had before and didn't know how to explain.

 

I've also had other stress & health issues and a few (physical health) medicines that have affected my withdrawal progress, but I guess that's a topic for a separate forum.

 

Any advice, similar experiences, recommendations, tips for using the site, or insight into what happened to my brain is appreciated if anyone feels so inclined :)

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, hoping21.

 

You had an adverse reaction to Sertraline, and the symptoms you describe are very typical of an adverse reaction.  An adverse reaction means the drug Sertraline was like poison to your central nervous system.  Doctors know nothing of adverse reactions and typically will diagnose, as your did, a "return of the underlying condition."  This post by Brassmonkey, one of our moderators, explains what happened to you:

 

But I only took it for a Week

 

I think that some of the most unfortunate members we have are the ones who only took the drug for a short time and had an Adverse Reaction. Over the years I’ve seen a good number of members join who have taken their drugs for one day to a week and then stopped.  Yet they are suffering very acute symptoms.  This is an Adverse Reaction, acute symptoms that hit immediately and hard.  Some people’s chemical makeup just isn’t compatible with psych drugs and their body immediately tries to reject them, but in doing so throws itself into chaos.

 

The good news is that their body will sort itself out and they will return to normal.  The bad news is, it’s going to take a long time and there is nothing that will speed up the process.  There are a lot of coping strategies and tools that will help soften the experience, but time is the only thing that will cure it.  By time, we are looking at a minimum of eighteen months, but more than likely two to three years for a full recovery

.

That may sound very bleak, but it’s not going to all be pain and suffering.  These people tend to have a more linear recovery. The first several months will be acute.  Then things start to improve is a noticeable manner, with life starting to resume and get back on track.  All the members I have known have made full recoveries.  They then go on to graduate college, attend med school, and start successful careers in a variety of fields.

                                                                                                     ---------------

 

It is very encouraging that your symptoms have improved, and, from what you've written,  you are well on the way to full recovery from your adverse reaction. You're well past the acute stage.  

 

The symptoms of an adverse reaction are similar to those of antidepressant withdrawal, and you will recognize many of your own in the following link:

 

Daily Checklist of Antidepressant Withdrawal Symptoms (PDF) 

 

Regarding the symptoms that led you to take the Sertraline, we recommend non-drug techniques.  Counseling and non-drug therapy might also be helpful.  Take a look at the links in the following link and see which techniques you think might be helpful for you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

The following techniques are helpful for anxiety.

 

Audio:  First Aid for Panic (4 minutes)
 

CBT Course:  An Introductory Self-Help Course in Cognitive Behaviour Therapy
 

Audio:  How to Recover from Anxiety - Dr Claire Weekes
 

VIDEO:  Peace from Nervous Suffering - Claire Weekes (1 hour) (http://sendvid.com/vgquc1dg)
 

Anxiety Stuff - all kinds of stuff about anxiety attacks and things that help …

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

[hoping21]

Thanks for your reply and links, Gridley.

 

This is (mostly) a personal update for me to keep track:

 

I'm doing worse physically due to a number of things. A couple years ago, I had the worst bout of flu (diagnosed at ER) I've ever had that lasted for a month-temp over 105 F, excruciating migraine (I've literally never had one before this except for one time when I was 5) & left me extremely weak (I couldn't stand up to walk) and fatigued. It also caused me to develop vocal cord dysfunction which can be caused by a virus. But the doctors originally thought I had asthma since symptoms are similar so I ended up taking an Albuterol inhaler and because that didn't help much, added an inhaled corticosteroid which caused headaches and more fatigue. But I took it because I wanted to be able to breathe. A few months later I stopped and realized I was breathing better without the steroid.

 

Then, in March of this year, I developed a sinus infection with blocked sinuses, sinus & facial pain, ear pain, & the same severe migraine. The migraine was continuing for a month straight so I ended up taking Afrin nasal spray (which you can only take a few times) & the antibiotic Amox-Clav. I wasn't able to finish the course of antibiotic because it caused severe itching all over my body like fire ants were biting me and electric pins were pricking & shocking me. I'd had some itching, burning, and pins & needles from WD in my feet & legs before this but it was more numbed and not as widespread. I found out the antibiotic can cause pruritus (a 'sensation' of itching) as a side effect and is one of the most common side effects even though the Dr acted like it was unlikely when I told them I had to stop taking it because of the itching. She did prescribe a different antibiotic though which I didn't take because I was still itching severely after stopping the first one.

 

3 months Iater, I still have itching all over now, but not quite as severe as it was. Ice was the only thing that helped somewhat because I'm pretty sure it's my nerves that itch & not my skin. I've also been doing a saltwater nasal rinse to try and clear out my sinuses. But they still haven't cleared since March. And now I have crushing, stabbing, burning migraines almost every day. (I can also feel the brain zaps more now which might be part of what's causing the migraines since they can be affected by serotonin.)

 

I don't feel like I've been able to fully rest and recover from getting sick either because I've had to become a caregiver for my sister (who developed a medical issue) for the past 2 years. Thankfully, she has an aide part of the time now, but my mom & I are the only ones around when they're not here.

 

Is there anything I can take to help the migraines?

[Altostrata]

Hello, Hoping.

 

It sounds like you had covid-19!

 

Many people find fish oil and magnesium supplements helpful, see
https://survivingantidepressants.org/index.php?/topic/36-king-of-supplements-omega-3-fatty-acids-fish-oil/
https://survivingantidepressants.org/topic/15483-magnesium-natures-calcium-channel-blocker/

 

Magnesium in particular might help headaches, take in small doses throughout the day. You might try a little bit of one at a time to see how it affects you.

 

Also of interest

 

[composter]

Not sure if it would be COVID...Hoping says it was a sinus infection and doesn’t describe having the major symptoms of COVID like difficulty breathing or loss of taste/smell. 
 

How long have you experienced the migraines? Do you currently take any medications?

 

There’s a specific definition of migraine as a diagnosis as opposed to headaches. What are your migraines like?

 

I have a history of chronic headaches from having had several concussions and post-concussive syndrome. I agree that omega 3 and magnesium can be very helpful. Medication/mindfulness as well as heat packs or cold packs helped as well. I also benefit from gentle head massages which my mom or sister would give me. 
 

Often times finding tools that will help your headaches that are based in lifestyle rather than any medication should be the way to go. Sometimes headaches can be caused by a vestibular system dysfunction in which case it helps to see a physical therapist trained in vestibular-ocular rehab or a functional neurologist. 

[Altostrata]

Good point, @hoping21 could still have a sinus infection. Hoping, did you go back to the doctor to see if you have a bacteria infection? Sinus pain can cause a lot of symptoms.

[hoping21]

Sorry for the late reply. I haven't been able to do much & have basically been trying to sleep the migraine off which isn't working. Thanks for all your suggestions. I think I'll see if I can get someone to drive me to urgent care tomorrow to see if I still have a sinus infection. I'm pretty sure it's not COVID since I haven't had a cough or fever. I also had multiple x-rays of my lungs when the vocal cord dysfunction (which does cause difficulty breathing) started that didn't show anything abnormal. My taste & smell is probably affected by clogged sinuses. Kind of confusing though since I already have certain corona symptoms caused by other things. I'll see if a Dr can tell me what's going on.

[hoping21]

Hi again everyone,

 

Another (long) self-update & a couple questions.

 

To answer composter's question, it feels like my brain is being stabbed and crushed/constricted and sometimes throbbing. Noises are too loud and lights are too bright. And there's pain behind my eyes, in my sinuses, and into my jaw/teeth and neck/shoulders. My neck and shoulder muscles also feel extremely stiff, sore, and tight. And the brain zaps 'crackle' more. I bought a mouth guard so hopefully that might help to wear at night. Using ice on my jaw and head has also seemed to help some. And I take Omega3 fish oil daily.

 

The good news is the Dr said I don't have a sinus infection anymore and I was able to take an antibiotic that's reported to have less side effects. (Azithromycin if anyone is wondering/searching the site. I believe I read another poster's account here who also used this antibiotic with no ill effects.) I was also able to get a prescription of Azelastine nasal spray for allergies (thanks to Alto for suggesting this on another post as an alternative to the steroidal Flonase)

 

The bad news is I'm still having the same pain/issue. I have read that serotonin is involved in migraines and I'm pretty sure my serotonin levels are still off due to the worsened digestive problems, nausea, and derealization that I've had ever since Zoloft ADR and WD. I also have had the burning/tingling/numbness/itching under my skin/in my nerves after WD that people on here compared to peripheral neuropathy. Luckily, it isn't painful most of the time. But I think I also read about a nerve/nerves that run through your teeth, sinuses, and head so I wonder if that was affected somehow. Just speculating.

 

The WD symptoms and migraines also get worse right before, during, and right after my period so it could also have something to do with hormones. And I've suspected I might have endometriosis for a while which actually has a lot of symptoms similar to WD so that's confusing. A lot of women in my (extended) family have that & similar issues so I'm hoping to ask one of them about it and look into it with a Dr soon. Another confusing thing is that I take Midol with caffeine in it for the menstrual cramps, and I can't tell if it's the cramps causing menstrual nausea, the Midol/caffeine worsening the WD nausea, (I had a bad experience with Excedrin Migraine worsening WD symptoms during the flu which contains caffeine), the hormonal cycle causing the WD nausea severity to worsen, or some combination of all 3. I do have Midol without caffeine but for some reason, it doesn't seem to help the cramping pain as much as the one with so I only use it on the days that the pain isn't as bad, usually later on in the week.

 

I also know that stress can cause migraines and some other life circumstances have definitely been contributing to that.

 

Apologies, this is getting longer than I planned but I did have a couple questions:

 

1. Is it really possible to get new WD symptoms so far out if that's what this is?

 

(It's been 4 years since I took such a small amount of pills. I have taken some other medicines in that time -some unnecessarily unfortunately- but none of them were depression/anxiety medicine) and while I have had WD nausea that whole time, it seems like there was a point where I was doing better and I thought I was improving. And now, it's almost like new physical symptoms are replacing old 'emotional' symptoms (which did disappear/return to baseline for the most part it seems.)

 

2. The doctor prescribed me Imitrex for the migraines which I haven't tried yet but I just found out it is a selective serotonin receptor agonist. (the opposite of an SSRI??) And I didn't have good results with my serotonin being inhibited on the Zoloft or whatever happened serotonin-wise when stopping. (also the opposite of being inhibited?)

 

I searched the forum for Imitrex and couldn't find an answer for this if there is one: My question is does anyone know if that means it will just cause the same bad side effects I've already experienced and would rather not worsen/go through again?

 

3. I'm pretty sure the doctors want you to try birth control pills if endometriosis is suspected before they'll refer you for surgery & surgery is the only official way to diagnose it. I don't really want to take another medicine that can cause depression & mood swings if it can be avoided and am concerned about how it could affect the WD progress that I've made.

 

Does anyone have suggestions for a birth control that has the least amount of effects or experience to share with how it affected them in WD if they were taking it? Or experience with endometriosis in WD? 

(I found a thread by one person a while ago but I haven't been able to find it again)

 

Links also welcome if I'm accidentally asking questions that have already been asked/answered in another thread

 

 

[composter]

Hi Hoping.

 

I‘m sorry that you’re having such troubling symptoms after nearly 4 years since taking an SSRI for a short time. A lot of what you’d describe including symptoms reminds me a lot of my own experience in withdrawal. Incidentally, I also have had vocal cord dysfunction from a viral illness when I was a teenager (my voice is still kind of crackly sounding though I’ve gone to speech/voice therapy).  
 

To answer your questions:

1. Yes unfortunately it’s possible to have symptoms for years after. This is called PAWS or post-acute withdrawal syndrome. And there are many stories of this on the site. As far as why your symptom pattern seems to be changing, consider the phenomenon of windows and waves that happen to all of us. It’s possible that your CNS is undergoing a paradoxical period of healing where the symptoms get worse before they get better. Have you seen a pattern of windows and waves lately?

 

2. Oh brother. My neurologist prescribed me Imitrex when I was suffering from withdrawal and it sent me into a horrible bout of fright and suicidality. I strongly feel this is not the right drug for anyone experiencing withdrawal or sensitive to medications like you are. Immediately after taking half a dose of Imitrex I was overwhelmed with a deep sense of doom and laid awake for the whole night in tears that the sun wouldn’t rise the next day. In the morning my body reflexively vomited it out. 
 

As I mentioned earlier you would do well to try to address your current issues with non-drug tools. Within your means if I were you I would seek out acupuncture to calm the nervous system (make sure to specify you do not want stimulating acupuncture but instead want calming points). I would also try to get my nutrition in order by cutting out migraine/inflammation causing foods. For many people they feel better cutting out dairy and gluten to improve migraines. I’d work on building a strong support system and also doing some gentle exercise every day like walking. 
 

3. Some members report changes to symptoms around the time of their period. There may be a hormonal aspect. Why do you suspect endometriosis? Do you have painful periods? Know that birth control would just be another variable that could confuse your system. If I were you I would not through a new drug into the mix and I’d focus on addressing issues with lifestyle, nutrition, and supportive therapies. 
 

Have you tried massage or PT for your muscle issues? Acupuncture can also help with this. 
 

Also we ask that you please update your signature with your drug history. I will post links below. 

[composter]

A few links:

 

Eastcoastgirl is a recent example of someone who connected a lot of her symptoms to stopping birth control. Starting and stopping birth control can have a load of different effects. 
 

A thread on head symptoms: 

 

 

I personally recommend using things like hot packs or ice packs for headaches, as well as giving yourself a head massage or asking someone else to do one. 
 

For your gut issues consider adding probiotic rich foods to your diet like yogurt (there are dairy free options), sauerkraut, and kombucha. These things will increase beneficial microbes in the gut to improve digestion and hopefully relieve some symptoms. 
 

Instructions on your drug history signature. Please read.

Edited November 13, 2021 by Karma
Name update