Ella56: Drug withdrawal

[Altostrata]

The lack of sleep and depression are not new, are they?

 

7 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

I feel like everything is a guessing game and nobody really knows what to do.

 

What does this refer to? Is this what you are thinking about when you can't sleep?

 

Please post daily notes. How do you feel before and after taking Celexa?

 

From what you're posting, I don't think the increase in Celexa had any effect at all. Your extreme pessimism overrrides everything.

[Ella56]

@Altostrata yes the sleep and this feeling of depression is new.

[manymoretodays]

Yes, notes will help Ella56.

 

It's a toss up, I think, with your symptoms.  Either coming out of your skin or feeling down and completely out.  This is going to level out a bit.

 

I think you might just need to stay consistent, with the dose.  And start to reframe a bit, your relationship, I suppose, with these medications. 

 

It's not all a big unknown.  People get better.  All......the......time. 

 

❤️

 

My thinking.  That you might sleep better at night, if the dose is another hour earlier in the day.

Edited April 11, 2020 by manymoretodays

[Altostrata]

8 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

@Altostrata yes the sleep and this feeling of depression is new.

 

You have been talking about poor sleep and depression for 11 pages.

[Ella56]

Depression .ts different i cant muster hope to get up for walk or talk.  Sleeping .I was sleeping good before except for the neuro emotions but now awake all night. I hope it changes. I got 2 hours with tylenol last night and then took melatonin in middle of night i got another 2. Burning of skin feeling is new. I put it on notes

 

@manymoretodays toss up, I think, with your symptoms.  Either coming out of your skin or feeling down and completely out.  This is going to level out a

 

what do you mean by this?  

[Altostrata]

How is your current state different from late February?

 

On 2/26/2020 at 5:26 AM, Ella56 said:

Ok thank you. I am just scared. I have extreme anxiety and not sleeping now. Can i take melatonin..or some suggested cbd oil..which i dont think would be good? Both affect the brain. Should i keep askung all questions here. I am going to keep journal from now on of all symptoms  

 

[Ella56]

Yes that was February when i first came to the site. it improved after that. 

[manymoretodays]

The burning skin can be a WD symptom, Ella56

Burning skin, burning feet

 

You will start to balance out a bit Ella56.  I know you mentioned rageful-ness, or I thought you had.  And you are just getting settled in your new place too. 

Hoping that the outside drama has settled somewhat now.  And then.......it is a lot of work, but just keep trying with non-drug coping skills and practices regularly.

 

Try to smile, and even find something to laugh about.  Here......I'll be an Easter Bunny......hop hop hop.  Start to dream positive, while awake......of good things in the future.

 

I hope that clarifies balancing out a bit.  Not all symptoms will just disappear, and some new ones may still crop up from time to time.  Even with an effective updose.

 

Okay.  And oh no......the clouds are rolling in now........literally, here.  All sunny and nice and now looking stormy.

 

Best sweetie!

[Altostrata]

1 hour ago, Ella56 said:

Yes that was February when i first came to the site. it improved after that. 

 

When did it improve? When did it get worse again?

 

I'm going to be honest, Ella. There's so much static from your emotional state in your posts, I am having a hard time understanding the course of your drug-induced problems. Your complaining seems to be at the same level of intensity throughout. I cannot recall you reporting you ever felt better.

[Ella56]

Yes i understand. I shouldnt of come off meds when i did last year. And of course ct. Trying to see if i can navigate through and heal. The emotions I have been so extreme for me that the physical was more in the background.. My worse physical pain have been pain in my stomach like torture and afraid to be alone but that was earlier on. 

 

I guess what i feel the last few days is a sense i want to jump out of my skin..thats the only way to explain it and a sense i have no boundaries. Vulnerable. Burning pain on skin but know that will go away. I dont want to feel this way anymore. I know if i go back to 1mg i will suffer too. I had the stomach torture again for 3 days on 1.5mg.

 

I think about a week or so on 1mg I was sleeping better and i was up doing things everyday. I was in pain in stomach but was still walking sun etc I went on 1.5mg thinking it would support my cns. On 1mg i was feeling blah but maybe the was a start of stabilizing. My Sleep and depression worse last 4 days. 

[Ella56]

@manymoredays  the burning feeling is it from reinstating 1.5mg increase. Should one have new symtoms on reinstate or that is not good. I wish i never had to experience that symptom.. I have hear bad stories about reinstating late now.

[Altostrata]

Ella, when did you sleep improve after February and when did it get bad again?

 

This is how you were feeling just before you increased to 1.5mg Celexa.

 

On 4/4/2020 at 9:14 AM, Ella56 said:

My symptoms now are Cognitive. Flu like feelings. Aches and pains, not knowing who am feeling a lost of self and feeling a loss of control. Ability to relate to people because i am just not ok.  Hopeless feeling i wont get better. Eyes are blurry. Anxiety. Internal exhaustion. Ringing in my head. Pressure around my head sometimes.  Still afraid to be alone. 5 weeks on 1mg celexa. Still wd symptoms and not sure what to do next. No sleep last night anxiety. 

 

Please help me out by answering my questions. I can't go back and read 10 pages of your topic -- I have been confused by the way you report your symptoms all along.

[Ella56]

My sleep was not bad til i had to move. I usually could sleep for good stretches.  Unless something emotional happened.  I think it was bad April 4 that one night because i was getting settled and realized i probably will have to move again because place to small and contemplating a med change.

My sleep is off now since i have been on 1.5mg. This is more insomnia not just from a bad day  Sometimes Restless leg keeps me awake but i am just awake and only sleeping in small increments at a time for last 5 days. . I am writing this a 1am because i am fully awake. 

[Altostrata]

Ella, if you think the increase in Celexa made you worse, feel free to go back to 1mg if you think that is best.

 

Whether it is causing symptoms or whether it makes you so afraid you can't give it a try, we cannot continue to go back and forth about it.

 

As far as what we can do for you here, here are the choices again:

 

On 3/30/2020 at 1:27 PM, Altostrata said:

1) You can take more Celexa.

 

2) You can substitute Prozac.

 

3) You can go to the hospital.

 

4) You can take Ativan, but you will need to be prepared to deal with adverse effects and to taper off.

 

5) You can practice self-care and not change any of your drugs.

 

Any of the drug options might make you feel worse.

 

With Option 5 (no change), you probably will see only very, very gradual improvement as long as you don't put obstacles in its way.

 

My own personal belief is that increasing Celexa would be the safest and most effective way for you to decrease your symptoms. However, I can't tell the future. You have made attempts to do this but sabotaged yourself with second-guessing.

 

It's up to you to pick an option. You can sabotage any of them with second-guessing your decision if you won't control that undermining habit of self-doubt.

 

I have said everything I can possibly say about what you might do. We require every member to take responsibility for their symptoms. If you don't take responsibility, we can't help. We don't have any magic solutions.

 

I am not prepared to coach you through taking any more drugs -- not Celexa, Prozac, or Ativan. You are too fearful and you need face-to-face help with that.

 

What we can do here is coach you to cope with withdrawal symptoms. We cannot help with the other things that are bothering you. We're sympathetic, but we don't have the training to conduct psychotherapy. Please see a therapist or counselor in your community to work through your situational and historical issues.

[Ella56]

I went back on 1mg celexa because i was having insomnia for days and i was feeling worse no hope dark thoughts on 1.5mg.

I have been on 1mg for 2 days and feel the agitation come back. That is what i was trying to get away from. I asked my doctor for clonazepam. I was told this is akathesia.inner agitation. I didnt know. 

[Altostrata]

4 hours ago, Ella56 said:

I have been on 1mg for 2 days and feel the agitation come back.

 

When you were taking 1.5mg Celexa, it reduced the agitation?

 

4 hours ago, Ella56 said:

I was told this is akathesia.inner agitation. I didnt know. 

 

Who told you this?

[Ella56]

I think the agitation lessened but i felt dark depressed suicidal feelings and had insomnia. 

 

It was mentioned that it could be in a christian support group.

[Ella56]

I am feeling burnt over my whole body now.

[Ella56]

@Altostrata this is not me. I am usually calm kind person. All these emotions are the wd. Yes i have some past pain but i dont react this way. I am not myself. 

 

I am staying at 1mg if i can. If i can keep the agitation manageble. I am not sure. U said i could take clonazepam?

I would only take it if i thought i was going to hurt myself or go to hospital but then they would put me on full doze of drugs and i dont know what would happen to me.. I am trying my best to heal at home. 

[Altostrata]

Ella, you are getting information from a lot of sources, some of it conflicting.

 

Obviously, you are afraid of increasing Celexa, but that probably is what you need to counter Celexa withdrawal symptoms.

 

Because benzodiazepines such as clonazepam can cause more problems than they help, we generally do not advise people to take a benzodiazepine when they can reinstate the antidepressant with less risk of adverse effects.

 

However, you seem to have gotten encouragement to take clonazepam. Yes, you can take clonazepam and it may help you, or it can cause more problems for you.

 

I am as reluctant to counsel you through initiating clonazepam as I am through taking any other drugs. It has been far too difficult. Please consult your other support sources about taking clonazepam.

 

[Ella56]

I never got it from another source. You had mentioned it once to help when i was on 1mg. 

I told you the symptoms i was getting on 1.5mg and now the burning skin. I dont see why you would suggest i go up when i felt the way i did. 

I am going to try my best not to take clonazepam.

[Altostrata]

Do what you think is best, Ella. You might find the Christian support group to be more helpful.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Ella56,

On 4/13/2020 at 4:05 PM, Ella56 said:

I went back on 1mg celexa because i was having insomnia for days and i was feeling worse no hope dark thoughts on 1.5mg.

I have been on 1mg for 2 days and feel the agitation come back. That is what i was trying to get away from. I asked my doctor for clonazepam. I was told this is akathesia.inner agitation. I didnt know. 

On 4/14/2020 at 12:48 PM, Ella56 said:

this is not me. I am usually calm kind person. All these emotions are the wd. Yes i have some past pain but i dont react this way. I am not myself. 

 

I know, I know......neuroemotions, Ella.  I thought some alien me invaded for awhile.  Take advantage of being alone and distancing now, if you can.  It can feel like everything in your life suddenly comes up in a very black way.  And then......it passes.

Akathesia can be brutal, truly.  At most, I experienced the inner restlessness from hello, for short periods.  I could bundle myself up in bed and usually, eventually sleep.  Stay out of trouble, or making impulsive changes, or actions,  of any kind, etc.  What seems bleak and dark and hopeless today, may be gone tomorrow. 

Finding meaning in this experience can be hard, but can be done.

Finding Meaning

It looks like you found your way there.  Good forum.  Helpful.  Can you write?  Journaling or Poetry can be helpful.

Journaling/Writing Therapy/Therapeutic Writing

And I know we have some poetry written by members in Off Topic, as well as some poetry by published poets there too, I just can't find it right now.  Take a look at Off Topic, something there might speak to you or help.

 

Oh, I would not go to benzo's now, if I were in your shoes.  The agitation will wax and wane, go up and down, and as long as it's not constant........it may let up, on it's own time frame, hopefully soon.

 

How long just sitting on the 1 mg. Celexa now?  Have you been able to go a full week or 2 even, without any changes, or additions?

 

And here's a short one, on self compassion that might help too:

The Self Compassion Break:

 

It sounds like you might be recovering a bit from all the changes of past weeks, things outside of your control, and possibly just starting to adjust to your new place.

 

Oh best, Ella, do your best, it will improve.

 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt

[Ella56]

Can anyone tell me, when I reinstated 1mg, did i go back to zero in my progress that I made with the 5 months being in ct ? Or did the brain get some healing in. @brassmonkey can u answer please. I think you said each change you start at 0.

 

And Is there any reason i should not go back right off now since i feel it didnt work for me?

[manymoretodays]

I think you got some healing or readjustment in, Ella56.

1 hour ago, Ella56 said:

 And Is there any reason i should not go back right off now since i feel it didnt work for me?

 

^ I'm not sure what you are asking here. 

[Ella56]

@manymoretodays Thanks.  I was asking should go off the 1mg ? Or is it possible to taper even though i am not stable?  I know it was a gamble to reinstate and it was suggested for help. I just think my depression is worse now then in ct. I dont know why. 

Edited April 16, 2020 by Ella56

[Altostrata]

2 hours ago, Ella56 said:

Can anyone tell me, when I reinstated 1mg, did i go back to zero in my progress that I made with the 5 months being in ct ? Or did the brain get some healing in. @brassmonkey can u answer please. I think you said each change you start at 0.

 

And Is there any reason i should not go back right off now since i feel it didnt work for me?

 

Ella, there is every evidence that reinstatement did work for you, but you need a higher amount of Celexa.

 

However, you are going to do what you want to do regardless of what we tell you here. All we can say is, make your own decisions, do what's best for you. We're not going to give you any more drug-related advice.

[Ella56]

Im sorry you feel that way and sad about that. I am trying my best to heal and figure it out through this trauma. My emotions and fear are extreme. I never meant to disrespect your opinion or advice. I appreciate the help I have received and you have given. 

[Altostrata]

I wish you well, Ella. Experience has demonstrated that our discussing drugs any further will not go anywhere constructive.

 

If you wish, please consider our suggestions for non-drug ways to deal with emotional and physical symptoms of withdrawal.

[manymoretodays]

Hi Ella,

How are you doing? 

L, P, H, and G,

mmt