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Feeling your feelings after withdrawal


MrAnxious

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  • Mentor
9 hours ago, Ella56 said:

@Happy2Heal how was your year from 2016 to 2017? Was the tapering time not to bad? Looking for hope

I have to be honest with you Ella56, it was the most difficult year of my life, BUT that said, the symptoms were always improving.

I was able to do things that I  now have fond memories of, and I can barely remember the hard stuff.

but it was hard.

I got thru it by remembering that we need only and literally CAN ONLY live one day at a time, one hour or one moment at a time

we can get thru most anything just a minute at a time, right?

I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%

 

I used a lot of the coping skills and self care suggestions that are listed on this forum, and kept busy and distracted myself when  necessary and kept doing things even when I didn't feel like it.

 

I celebrated each improvement. I was always looking for them, and I highly recommend actively looking for even the tiniest signs of improvement.

It will bolster your mood, it will let you know that you are indeed healing. Gratitude journals are also very helpful

 

I have to go out soon, but I took a quick look at a few of your most recent posts, you are already able to sleep from 11 to 6 am? that's fantastic!! you are already miles and miles ahead of where I was, I had severe insomnia for a couple of years. 

 

 

 

if you looked at my signature, you already know I have a very long drug history so I don't know how helpful it is to compare my journey to yours.

Except to realize that if someone with over 40 yrs of being on psych meds can fully recover, you have every reason to have a lot of hope :)

 

 

will read more of your thread later

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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15 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I have to be honest with you Ella56, it was the most difficult year of my life, BUT that said, the symptoms were always improving.

I was able to do things that I  now have fond memories of, and I can barely remember the hard stuff.

but it was hard.

I got thru it by remembering that we need only and literally CAN ONLY live one day at a time, one hour or one moment at a time

we can get thru most anything just a minute at a time, right?

I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%

 

I used a lot of the coping skills and self care suggestions that are listed on this forum, and kept busy and distracted myself when  necessary and kept doing things even when I didn't feel like it.

 

I celebrated each improvement. I was always looking for them, and I highly recommend actively looking for even the tiniest signs of improvement.

It will bolster your mood, it will let you know that you are indeed healing. Gratitude journals are also very helpful

 

I have to go out soon, but I took a quick look at a few of your most recent posts, you are already able to sleep from 11 to 6 am? that's fantastic!! you are already miles and miles ahead of where I was, I had severe insomnia for a couple of years. 

 

 

 

if you looked at my signature, you already know I have a very long drug history so I don't know how helpful it is to compare my journey to yours.

Except to realize that if someone with over 40 yrs of being on psych meds can fully recover, you have every reason to have a lot of hope :)

 

 

will read more of your thread later

 

 

Thank you for your reply @Happy2Heal. I glas you are where you are now. I was just wondering how you felt at the time when you where tapering. I was hoping it wasnt too hard..or better then ct symptoms. 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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  • Mentor
8 hours ago, Ella56 said:

Thank you for your reply @Happy2Heal. I glas you are where you are now. I was just wondering how you felt at the time when you where tapering. I was hoping it wasnt too hard..or better then ct symptoms. 

I wish I could say it wasnt' difficult but it was.

I see you reinstated 1mg of celexa recently, did you start to feel better after doing so?

reinstating helped to diminish the number of symptoms I had by about half in a fairly short period of time.

and my symptoms were always improving; almost every day, I would notice something had gotten a bit better. I was very watchful for it though. I'd read the book Hardwiring Happiness and knew from what I'd read, that our brains naturally notice bad things more than good, so to feel better, I knew I had to actively LOOK for the good things and hold onto them.

 

I hope you're feeling better today than yesterday

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

I wish I could say it wasnt' difficult but it was.

I see you reinstated 1mg of celexa recently, did you start to feel better after doing so?

reinstating helped to diminish the number of symptoms I had by about half in a fairly short period of time.

and my symptoms were always improving; almost every day, I would notice something had gotten a bit better. I was very watchful for it though. I'd read the book Hardwiring Happiness and knew from what I'd read, that our brains naturally notice bad things more than good, so to feel better, I knew I had to actively LOOK for the good things and hold onto them.

 

I hope you're feeling better today than yesterday

 

Sounds like a good book to read. No, woke up with panic. I think maybe the reinstatement is helping. Hard to say how much when I am still have all these feelings. Thank you for your imput!

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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On 3/3/2020 at 6:05 PM, SufferingCelexa said:

@Ella56 Sorry to hear you are still going through this after 5 months of w/d.  It's been 6 weeks since I w/d from citalopram and my symptoms are similar but I went from 40 to 0 in just 3 weeks.

Thank you. I just saw this  how are you? I know it is hard.

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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@Happy2Heal @Altostrata  Hello, really struggling. Not sure what i should do. My symptoms of depression are really bad I think worse but i have a hard time gauging. Just dont have any hope of future. Soon my employment insurance will be finished end of March with my income and do not know how I will survive. I dont feel i can work yet. No motivation, feel so emotionally weak, physically weak..pain all over my body and so many other symptoms i have not neen able to name..just surviving. Hard to get out to snything just dont feel safe. I am struggling with getting along with roommate..she is contolling..ocd on stuff.. but also glad I am not alone even though she only understands so much. I went to therapist today but not sure that is good, it brings fear/depression looking at stuff, trying to get over lots of sadness and fear and if anything will ever change. She understood med wd and asked if the ativan is causing me a lot of harm..i didnt know just was focusing on the celexa.

I dont know if i should go up in meds on this reinstatement. Today i feel like going back on meds .like a drug addict would feel..or what i used to do...do i just suffer it out more. Any advice? 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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@Happy2Heal "...I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%..."

 

Brilliant...❤️

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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37 minutes ago, Colonial said:

@Happy2Heal "...I also reminded myself that to date, my success rate for getting thru difficult times was 100%..."

 

Brilliant...❤️

I am just afraid this depression is not wd..and it wont go away. 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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  • Mentor
2 hours ago, Ella56 said:

Any advice? 

it's so hard to know what to say, only you know what you can tolerate

 

I know for me, I had to really concentrate on just getting thru the PRESENT time, without looking ahead too much, nor behind at the past.

I understand that's not easy or even totally practical when you have to make employment decisions and the like, and on that score, I have no idea what to tell you.

 

I think if you concentrate on good self care and being kind to yourself and doing just what you can, you'll get thru it, but again, I'm not inside you so I can't know exactly where you're at.

 

the depression and fear and whatnot are all WD recovery symptoms, and should abate in time.

 

sending you gentle hugs ❤️

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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  • Mentor
8 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

I am just afraid this depression is not wd..and it wont go away. 

there are differing opinions about what depression even is, 

some say it's a thought disorder and changing how you think about things is the "cure",

some say depression and anxiety are always paired and theorize that the depression is a way to force your body to rest from the exhaustion of burning energy while anxious

 

I've also heard that depression is self limiting, regardless of what you do, it goes away. 

 

I honestly don't know what to tell you. 

 

hopefully someone with more knowledge and experience will come along with advice

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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18 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

it's so hard to know what to say, only you know what you can tolerate

 

I know for me, I had to really concentrate on just getting thru the PRESENT time, without looking ahead too much, nor behind at the past.

I understand that's not easy or even totally practical when you have to make employment decisions and the like, and on that score, I have no idea what to tell you.

 

I think if you concentrate on good self care and being kind to yourself and doing just what you can, you'll get thru it, but again, I'm not inside you so I can't know exactly where you're at.

 

the depression and fear and whatnot are all WD recovery symptoms, and should abate in time.

 

sending you gentle hugs ❤️

I feel so much grief...my whole life..uncapable of doing anything.

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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I am wondering if i should go to higher reinstatement? If i am doing so poorly. I see some people have  when wds where bad. I am on 1mg celexa. I cant do life, work  relationships, exercise or anything. I am going to anxiety to calm course tomorrow if i get up. Everything from my past is hitting me. I went to so much therapy in my life but felt being on meds blocked getting to the issues. I just feel why did i go through all that for nothing. I went througb years of it useless pain and time and years.  Now its coming at me again and i have no strength.  

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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I know my "original condition" depression came back in the WD, but it's a symptom of the WD, just like if you went off of anxiety meds to fast, that would come back too.

It's a Pendulum swing in the brain, it's temporary...

 

BUT IF PEOPLE WANT TO STAY OFF THESE DRUGS FOR GOOD...

They need to learn how to deal with the issues that lead them to be put on them to begin with...

The problem is, now they all have to do that at the same time as dealing with the physical symptoms and WD "induced" depression...

 

And now your grief, as You say, of feeling like it's all been a failure is hitting down upon You...

I think, at least for Me, I've always had a sense of, foreboding uselessness...

Perhaps because It was because I expected too much of myself.

Learning the Art of Acceptance, it really is a gift TO Yourself...

That even though Life never was, is, or will be what You had hoped...

You can learn to make peace with that sadness, and learn that maybe how things are only "APPEAR" as bad as they are...

But in reality, somehow, in the light of Eternity, things will all work out, even if we just can't see how right now..

In the end?

It's all we can hold out for, sitting around grieving for things longer than we should, only steals our future...

It doesn't rectify the past...

 

 

 

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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34 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

Everything from my past is hitting me. I went to so much therapy in my life but felt being on meds blocked getting to the issues.

Exactly...

So, you have 2 choices, go back higher on the meds, where everything is BLOCKED OUT and you dont get to the issues, and your still miserable...

OR.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, and finally deal with what it was that's held you back all this time...

 

Again, only you know how much you can take, emotional pain wise...

But to reinstate higher than you need to, is just going backwards to the point of wasting all the suffering you've been through trying to get off them....

And why your so hopeless to begin with...

 

But I bet a good part of it, is the WD Induced depression, it will pass, and things won't look as bleak as they FEEL right now as its hitting you

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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45 minutes ago, Colonial said:

Exactly...

So, you have 2 choices, go back higher on the meds, where everything is BLOCKED OUT and you dont get to the issues, and your still miserable...

OR.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, and finally deal with what it was that's held you back all this time...

 

Again, only you know how much you can take, emotional pain wise...

But to reinstate higher than you need to, is just going backwards to the point of wasting all the suffering you've been through trying to get off them....

And why your so hopeless to begin with...

 

But I bet a good part of it, is the WD Induced depression, it will pass, and things won't look as bleak as they FEEL right now as its hitting you

Can i take ativan? Will it mess me up more? I havent since feb 3 and used to of and on. I dont know how much of this is from that. I dont know how much is too bad. If i feeling like i have to go to hospital ...too bad..if i am feeling like this is too much it will never end and i dont care anymore..its too bad.r..i have gone through to much...is too bad. 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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By your signature line, it doesn't seem that you were taking it very regularly, so unless your having a lot of anxiety symptoms, which you dont seem to be...

I think its the WD from the anti depressants.

 

You cant just add random dosages of things now and again without it giving some negative effect.

Only you could decide if the benefit of the drug would out way the negative that would come with it.

 

But you dont mention anxiety much as a symptom, so I dont see why you would.

 

 

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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1 minute ago, Colonial said:

By your signature line, it doesn't seem that you were taking it very regularly, so unless your having a lot of anxiety symptoms, which you dont seem to be...

I think its the WD from the anti depressants.

 

You cant just add random dosages of things now and again without it giving some negative effect.

Only you could decide if the benefit of the drug would out way the negative that would come with it.

 

But you dont mention anxiety much as a symptom, so I dont see why you would.

 

 

All my muscles and joints hurt head to toe and thought that might help.  I took some tylenol instead.

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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Unless its true anxiety, I'd stay away from it.

 

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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5 minutes ago, Ella56 said:

All my muscles and joints hurt head to toe and thought that might help.  I took some tylenol instead.

The benzodiazepines as a class can depress you further so be careful. I would take a tiny bit of Clonazepam to be able to sleep and if would put me in a dark place. Are you able to walk? That helped me a lot. Do you notice symptoms improving during the day/evening?

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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1 hour ago, Colonial said:

Exactly...

So, you have 2 choices, go back higher on the meds, where everything is BLOCKED OUT and you dont get to the issues, and your still miserable...

OR.. Keep putting one foot in front of the other each day, and finally deal with what it was that's held you back all this time...

 

Again, only you know how much you can take, emotional pain wise...

But to reinstate higher than you need to, is just going backwards to the point of wasting all the suffering you've been through trying to get off them....

And why your so hopeless to begin with...

 

But I bet a good part of it, is the WD Induced depression, it will pass, and things won't look as bleak as they FEEL right now as its hitting you

I thought going back on the meds would help with the suffering because i went off ct it would sooth that and i wont have these symptoms when i taper gradually.? 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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the suffering is from the antidepressants NOT the ativan, in my opinion

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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11 minutes ago, Onmyway said:

The benzodiazepines as a class can depress you further so be careful. I would take a tiny bit of Clonazepam to be able to sleep and if would put me in a dark place. Are you able to walk? That helped me a lot. Do you notice symptoms improving during the day/evening?

I had no energy to walk today. Just internal exhaustion this morn and day before, but have been walking a bit other days.  The muscle aches have been a few days,, back muscles, gluted, quads, arms.. all day .

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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1 hour ago, Ella56 said:

I had no energy to walk today. Just internal exhaustion this morn and day before, but have been walking a bit other days.  The muscle aches have been a few days,, back muscles, gluted, quads, arms.. all day .

I've been there. Walk even if no energy. Just get out. It helps the healing. You can be miserable in bed or miserable walking. The latter helps healing.

 

 

"Nothing so small as a moment is insurmountable, and moments are all that we have. You have survived every trial and tribulation that life has thrown at you up until this very instant. When future troubles come—and they will come—a version of you will be born into that moment that can conquer them, too." - Kevin Koenig 

 

I am not a doctor and this should not be considered medical advice. You can use the information and recommendations provided in whatever way you want and all decisions on your treatment are yours. 

 

In the next few weeks I do not have a lot of capacity to respond to questions. If you need a quick answer pls tag or ask other moderators who may want to be tagged. 

 

Aug  2000 - July 2003 (ct, 4-6 wk wd) , citalopram 20 mg,  xanax prn, wellbutrin for a few months, trazodone prn 

Dec 2004 - July 2018 citalopram 20 mg, xanax prn (rarely used)

Aug 2018 - citalopram 40 mg (self titrated up)

September 2018 - January 2019 tapered citalopram - 40/30/20/10/5 no issues until a week after reaching 0

Feb 2019 0.25 xanax - 0.5/day (3 weeks) over to klonopin 0.25 once a day to manage severe wd

March 6, reinstated citalopram 2.5 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 mg for sleep 2-3 times a week

Apr 1st citalopram 2.0 mg (liquid), klonopin 0.25 once a week (off by 4/14/19- no tapering)

citalopram (liquid) 4/14/19 -1.8 mg, 5/8/19 - 1.6 mg,  7/27/19 -1.5 mg,  8/15/19 - 1.35, 2/21/21 - 1.1 (smaller drops in between), 6/20/21 - 1.03 mg, 8/7/21- 1.025, 8/11/21 - 1.02, 8/15/21 - 1.015, 9/3/21 - 0.925 (fingers crossed!), 10/8/21 - 0.9, 10/18/21 - 0.875, 12/31/21 - 0.85, 1/7/22 - 0.825, 1/14/22 - 0.8, 1/22/22 - 0.785, 8/18/22 - 0.59, 12/15/2022 - 0.48, 2/15/22 - 0.43, 25/07/23 - 0.25 (mistake), 6/08/23 - 0.33mg

 

Supplements: magnesium citrate and bi-glycinate

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5 hours ago, Onmyway said:

I've been there. Walk even if no energy. Just get out. It helps the healing. You can be miserable in bed or miserable walking. The latter helps healing.

 

 

That's great advice, it really is, and so true of many illnesses, conditions..

Where to do nothing will actually make the symptoms worse for the rest of the day, I've learned that with chronic back issues...

The key is to learn just how much how often, which is so hard for us all right in the beginning of the crisis.

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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  • Mentor
9 hours ago, Ella56 said:

Can i take ativan? Will it mess me up more? I havent since feb 3 and used to of and on. I dont know how much of this is from that. I dont know how much is too bad. If i feeling like i have to go to hospital ...too bad..if i am feeling like this is too much it will never end and i dont care anymore..its too bad.r..i have gone through to much...is too bad. 

 

 

taking ativan is a bad idea

@Shep could probably give you a lot better info on that than I could

 

how many mgs of ativan did you take?

how often were you taking it before Feb 3rd?

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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8 hours ago, Ella56 said:

I thought going back on the meds would help with the suffering because i went off ct it would sooth that and i wont have these symptoms when i taper gradually.? 

 according to you signature you reinstated 1mg celexa in Feb of 2019, is that correct?

over a year ago?

 

have you been trying to stabilize since then or have you tried to taper at all?

 

I wonder if it might be time to taper a tiny bit and see if that helps...?

 

are you able to get out early in the day? go out and get some sunshine and literally look somewhat upwards but not directly at the sun, of course

Just angle your head so that you are looking near the tops of trees in the distance, 

doing this has a surprising effect on mood

 

as does forcing a fake smile.

I read studies that said that doing these two things cause brain changes that normally happen when you are smiling for real and feeling good.

 

I did this during the darkest time of my WD recovery and it was amazing how much of a difference it made

I know it sounds silly and perhaps a bit unbelievable but give it a shot, and see how you feel.

do it every day if you can, as often as you can

 

even if you don't feel like walking, just getting out with the sun on your skin will help

 

have you had your vit D level check?

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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4 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

according to you signature you reinstated 1mg celexa in Feb of 2019, is that correct?

over a year ago?

 

@Happy2HealIt's just a clerical, error, they just put her back on Feb 25th, 2020, to try to stabilize.

I'm still putting 2019 on stuff myself, just last week.

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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4 minutes ago, Colonial said:

 

It's just a clerical, error, they just put her back on Feb 25th, 2020, to try to stabilize.

I'm still putting 2019 on stuff myself, just last week.

thanks @Colonialfor clarifying this

 

 

so it's only been a few weeks, it's still very early in the reinstatement, I'd give it more time and try very very hard not to change anything else, esp don't be adding a benzo to the mix now and most esp with feeling depressed

 

sunshine, smiling, listening to comedies or hanging out with positive people, uplifting music, all these things may give some relief

 

it's only temporary, this symptom will pass as you move thru WD recovery

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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I know that we are not to talk about personal issues but i feel i should explain ..my daughter and i had a fight 2 yrs ago and out of anger i told her to move in with a friend since then there has been distance and i regret it.

.now my daughter 23 has moved in with a guy and his family. I am not comfortable with. It doesnt matter what i think. He is creating a bubble around her...does everything for her doesnt treat me respectful  has anger but he has a comfortable life security and i think she wants that support. I am not comfortable with them for a few reasons  I feel like a outsider now. i hardly see her and my granddaughter. I brought her up on my own and now i am not part of her life hardly. I feel I am not really important amymore. With that, the wd and finances i feel hopeless, no direction and unimportant. I am trying to get through this in therapy. She is only 10mins away but a very distant relatiionship. I have very little family and put all my life into my daughters. So painful. I am afraid to share this.

Thanks for baring with me.😪 😭

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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2 hours ago, Happy2Heal said:

thanks @Colonialfor clarifying this

 

 

so it's only been a few weeks, it's still very early in the reinstatement, I'd give it more time and try very very hard not to change anything else, esp don't be adding a benzo to the mix now and most esp with feeling depressed

 

sunshine, smiling, listening to comedies or hanging out with positive people, uplifting music, all these things may give some relief

 

it's only temporary, this symptom will pass as you move thru WD recovery

 

 

Thank you.

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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14 hours ago, Colonial said:

 

I know my "original condition" depression came back in the WD, but it's a symptom of the WD, just like if you went off of anxiety meds to fast, that would come back too.

It's a Pendulum swing in the brain, it's temporary...

 

BUT IF PEOPLE WANT TO STAY OFF THESE DRUGS FOR GOOD...

They need to learn how to deal with the issues that lead them to be put on them to begin with...

The problem is, now they all have to do that at the same time as dealing with the physical symptoms and WD "induced" depression...

 

And now your grief, as You say, of feeling like it's all been a failure is hitting down upon You...

I think, at least for Me, I've always had a sense of, foreboding uselessness...

Perhaps because It was because I expected too much of myself.

Learning the Art of Acceptance, it really is a gift TO Yourself...

That even though Life never was, is, or will be what You had hoped...

You can learn to make peace with that sadness, and learn that maybe how things are only "APPEAR" as bad as they are...

But in reality, somehow, in the light of Eternity, things will all work out, even if we just can't see how right now..

In the end?

It's all we can hold out for, sitting around grieving for things longer than we should, only steals our future...

It doesn't rectify the past...

 

 

 

Thank you  I am hard on myself.

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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4 hours ago, Ella56 said:

I know that we are not to talk about personal issues but i feel i should explain

I'm not aware of any ban on discussing personal issues on this forum, I certainly have shared a lot of very personal things here

I think perhaps that there may be a warning around the issue of privacy...? perhaps it was suggested that ppl don't post identifying information to protect their privacy.

 

In any case I am so sorry for what you're going thru in your personal life. I can relate, as a single mother who raised one daughter.

We were very close as she was growing up but now she's married and our relationship is rocky at best. It's very hard because my life was centered around her and I felt quite a bit lost when she started shutting me out of her life.

 

I have no advice (and you didn't request any, anyway) but you have my sympathy. It's very tough to be going thru all of this at once.

I would guess that at least some of your feelings are genuine sadness not related to WD recovery  at all, but may they  feel more intense because of WD

 

 

I also noticed that I am not the only one who has found themselves going thru a lot grief, actually grieving all sorts of things that I may not have fully grieved when I was drugged.

Sometimes it feels like an endless well of sadness.

I am not troubled by this, because to me it means that there are things in my life that I cared for deeply and things that I still care about deeply-  And in my mind feelings are what make life worth living. Caring about things often brings both great joy and great sadness, and I for one would not trade away the joy just because it may one day lead to sadness.

 

I don't know if this helps you at all but just know that you are not alone.

 

 

 

  • pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) 
  •  Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years
  • started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 
  •  2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs
  •  June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until  Sept, then acute WD hit!!  reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106
  • Tapered off to zero by  Oct. 2017 Doing very well. 
  • Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 
  • Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content
  • Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs ;) 
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55 minutes ago, Happy2Heal said:

I'm not aware of any ban on discussing personal issues on this forum, I certainly have shared a lot of very personal things here

I think perhaps that there may be a warning around the issue of privacy...? perhaps it was suggested that ppl don't post identifying information to protect their privacy.

 

In any case I am so sorry for what you're going thru in your personal life. I can relate, as a single mother who raised one daughter.

We were very close as she was growing up but now she's married and our relationship is rocky at best. It's very hard because my life was centered around her and I felt quite a bit lost when she started shutting me out of her life.

 

I have no advice (and you didn't request any, anyway) but you have my sympathy. It's very tough to be going thru all of this at once.

I would guess that at least some of your feelings are genuine sadness not related to WD recovery  at all, but may they  feel more intense because of WD

 

 

I also noticed that I am not the only one who has found themselves going thru a lot grief, actually grieving all sorts of things that I may not have fully grieved when I was drugged.

Sometimes it feels like an endless well of sadness.

I am not troubled by this, because to me it means that there are things in my life that I cared for deeply and things that I still care about deeply-  And in my mind feelings are what make life worth living. Caring about things often brings both great joy and great sadness, and I for one would not trade away the joy just because it may one day lead to sadness.

 

I don't know if this helps you at all but just know that you are not alone.

 

 

Yes  grieving a lot of stuff but my daughter definitely the most painful. She just called to ask me to babysit ..she has know awareness of how I feel. At class this morning a mom says how her daughter always calls her, and I felt this terror, sadness and embarrassment.

 

And a sister that just told me her doc says antidepressants are not that hard to get off..just benzos..it was infruriating to here her say that when i have told her what i have been going through. Thats my "know it all sister " who knows so little. 😡  

 

Thanks for your comments, it makes me feel not so alone. Someone that understands. ❤

 

Thank you. 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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1 hour ago, Happy2Heal said:

 

I also noticed that I am not the only one who has found themselves going thru a lot grief, actually grieving all sorts of things that I may not have fully grieved when I was drugged.

Sometimes it feels like an endless well of sadness.

 

@Happy2HealI had no idea, after being drugged for so long, how "good" it was to "feel" again, even if it was to feel bad...

In a weird sort of way, I was "Human" again, and that brought more hope to Me so the pain wasn't as upsetting.

I realized I, myself, wasn't depressed all these years, I was just "drugged" INTO not caring, and so I had no motivation in life...

Now that most of the med is out of My system, I might still have WD symptoms, but I have interest in life again.

So, even if it isn't joy or happiness,  the motivation to "do" things again helps offset the symptoms.

I don't know if that makes any sense but it's the best way I can describe it.

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs 8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6) Compound started 6/28/21: 0.24mgs, 8/29/21: 0.22mgs, 10/31/21: 0.20mgs, 1/03/22: 0.18mgs, 3/5/22: 0.16mgs, 5/5/22: 0.14mgs.

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

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I am not there yet. Just hoping to get by day to day. I made it to today. I feel a deep aching and pain in my stomach. Something i want to get away from. I cant explain but hopeless and fear when i feel it. Shaky and want to diassociate when i feel it. Then whole body aches. That definitely a wd symptom of some kind. Has anyone had that? 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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2 hours ago, Colonial said:

 

@Happy2HealI had no idea, after being drugged for so long, how "good" it was to "feel" again, even if it was to feel bad...

In a weird sort of way, I was "Human" again, and that brought more hope to Me so the pain wasn't as upsetting.

I realized I, myself, wasn't depressed all these years, I was just "drugged" INTO not caring, and so I had no motivation in life...

Now that most of the med is out of My system, I might still have WD symptoms, but I have interest in life again.

So, even if it isn't joy or happiness,  the motivation to "do" things again helps offset the symptoms.

I don't know if that makes any sense but it's the best way I can describe it.

Yes i too was drugged into not caring. Should of been off a long time ago. Still scared how long it will take. Just trying to have enough strength to get by day to day. 

Age 21 started on antidepressants, Paxil, Zoloft cant remember dozes.

Most I remember is being on Celexa 10 - 40 mg since 1996 to 2019 up and down.

Changed to Pristiq March 2019 to May 2019 lowest doze but quit scared ot it.

Went back to Celexa 20mg may 2019 to sept 2019.Tried Cipralex, 3 days,

Went off celexa 20 mg Sept 16/19 taper 1 month.

Took Ativan .5 to 1 mg on and off for years and some Clonazepam for anxiety.

Ativan in dec 2019 about 10 and in jan 2019. .05mg.

Brain zaps  Agitation, terror and dread, suicidal feelings, stomach in fear. afraid to be alone. Depression 

Now: feeling disconnected from self and inability to connect with others, anxiety, depression,.emotionally weak and helplesd, ringing in my ears.

Feb 25, 2020 reinstated 1mg celexa.

 

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