Hanna72: I will be free

[Erell]

Hello @Hanna72

 

1 hour ago, Hanna72 said:

 Yes I have thought about that, but now I have become really scared of moving my dose at all. 

Completely understand your point 😉

And also understand the need to be able to work.

 

You might try a smaller drop to see how it goes.

Might sound a bit silly but I am currently thinking about a 1% drop to test the water, find an equilibrium between my want to be off SSRI and my fear of changing my dose 😉

 

Are you planning to taper soon or trying to hold a bit ?

(No judgement whatever your decision is)

 

You are still a huge inspiration ❤

 

I do hope you will have relief soon,

Sending healing vibes your way ☀️

[Longroadhome]

@Hanna72

 

Lovely to hear from you ! 
Im glad you’ve got in touch as I was wondering how you were going. 
 

I would guess from my experience with Paxil that you’re still in WD. 
Many say Paxil is a beast to get off and I can vouch for that. I am never without symptoms. My body lets me know it’s not happy with smaller doses.  But it has no say in the matter I’m on my way down  !! 😊 
Don’t be tempted to increase further Hanna. You started this drug with a sensitised body and I agree with Erell it could be the dose is a little high. Or it could be that it’s not going to mask Paxil WD in which case you either hold or taper. 
I know how it is questioning yourself constantly about what to do. And if I may make a suggestion the “anxiety” symptom seems to be your worst (we all have one we detest the most or rather maybe it scares us the most). For me it’s the floaty boat dizzy feeling that I’ve had for 10 months . Over time I have come to accept its presence. Don’t get me wrong some days I find it unbearable but I know it’s how I react to it that makes it worse or manageable.  
Therefore short term if you can,  practice trying to accept the anxiety . Try and get on with your day working alongside of it. It’s there but you can still do things and get on with the day. Don’t sit listening in wondering how much longer you can put up with it . Just know the more you let yourself get use to the symptom the less of a hold it will have on you. In other words normalise it.
sorry for reiterating something you are well aware of. 
But most of all  Hanna choose and walk the path to good health and happiness xx 
 

 

[Hanna72]

@Erell

41 minutes ago, Erell said:

You might try a smaller drop to see how it goes.

Might sound a bit silly but I am currently thinking about a 1% drop to test the water

It’s not silly, I am totally in agreement with you 👍
 

 

43 minutes ago, Erell said:

Are you planning to taper soon or trying to hold a bit ?

I am planning on starting my taper when I am totally of nicotine. I am down from a pack to 3 cigarettes a day 💪

I have felt that nicotine also messes with my nervous system, so I need to take that out also. 
I feel no judgment from your questions dear, you can ask me  what ever you like, but my memory has not been the best, but I try my best 🥰

I really appreciate your suggestions and kind words ❤️

[Hanna72]

Thank you dear @Longroadhome❤️
 No it has not crossed my mind to increase, just the opposite, but scared too. Might do a tiny reduction when I start. 

20 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Or it could be that it’s not going to mask Paxil WD in which case you either hold or taper. 

That’s what I think, it’s not masking my Paxil withdrawals. 
But I am able to work and drive so that’s something 🙏

Thank you so much for the encouraging words I really needed to hear that today 🥰

I am so proud of you, you are doing such an amazing job beating Paxil. 💪

 

 

[Hanna72]

Hi everyone 

Getting ready to drop from 9mg to 8,5 mg fluoxetine.

Will start tomorrow. 
I have been managing my anxiety fairly good, not having any panic attacks for quite some time now. I am ready. 
 

My thoughts for today;

I will learn from every mistake, because every experience, encounter and particularly my mistakes are here to teach me and force me into being more of who I am.

I have a vision in my mind of where I want to go, might not have a plan but I know the direction in which I choose to go. 
All that is possible is possible for me. 
There are a lot of things that are out of my control, but I have control over how I react.

 

Hope everyone can enjoy their day🙏
 

[sunnysideup69]

Got everything crossed for you, @Hanna72, sending  good wishes for your drop.

[Fallensoul]

On 5/2/2021 at 5:07 PM, Hanna72 said:

@Erell

It’s not silly, I am totally in

I am planning on starting my taper when I am totally of nicotine. I am down from a pack to 3 cigarettes a day 💪

I have felt that nicotine also messes with my nervous system, so I need to take that out also. 
 

Hello Hanna,

 

I also struggle with smoking.

Smoking adds big time stress with me, but when I'm nervous, its lso very difficult not to smoke.

If I could hold it till dinner, the effect is less distructive.

I smoke 5 a day. This day was so bad, I try to hold of as long as possible tommorow.

[Erell]

Hello Hanna72,

 

Really glad to see you're feeling better and ready to taper.

What a strong woman you are !

 

I send you all my support and best wishes in this new taper ☀️🤗

[Hanna72]

Thank you sweet  @sunnysideup69 for dropping by with your support. I am  glad to see you have stabilised. We will get there! 

 

@Fallensoul yes it is a vicious cycle with the nicotine. You have some for stress relief but it has the opposite affect. We can look at it as a blessing in disguise, getting more connected with our bodies. It’s our bodies saying stop. 
 

Dear @Erell Thank you for stopping by and no I am not strong just stubborn 😄I have stabilised so I am testing the waters. Thank you for your kind words, I know you are struggling and for you to support me during your painful time shows your strength. Please take good care of yourself!

 

[Sebas]

On 5/2/2021 at 5:33 PM, Hanna72 said:

On 5/2/2021 at 5:03 PM, Longroadhome said:

Or it could be that it’s not going to mask Paxil WD in which case you either hold or taper. 

That’s what I think, it’s not masking my Paxil withdrawals. 
But I am able to work and drive so that’s something 🙏

 

@Hanna72 I've also been reading your post and agree that what happened is propably protracted/post acute paxil withdrawal from bridging (week 2: 10 mg to zero) when fluoxetine hadn't kicked in yet like alto said. During fluoxetine tapering afterwards the paxil backfired really nasty. Being in menopause is definitely an added circumstance.

 

To hear that you feel currently somewhat stabil on 9mg of fluoxetine is very nice. It's a new starting point and you're off paxil. Don't rush things, a good thing is that fluoxetine has a much longer halflife and if things get nasty again then you can always perform a (small) updose. Omega 3 fishoil and magnesium, perhaps you already know, can be helpful during withdrawal. 

 

Sometimes, given the circumstances, not being able to work can be very annoying/worrying, but also something we have to accept for wellbeing. It's not something we deserved or asked for. Try not to be too self-critical. In other words: put your own health at the top. 

 

If tapering, given the current circumstances (paxil wd, menopause) turns out to be too challenging, then just take some more time to stabilise. There's no rush. Even without tapering CNS will (in the background) heal and reset furthermore.

 

Bye, goodluck Sebas 🙋‍♂️

[Hanna72]

@Sebas

Thank you for your post. Yes it’s true I have rushed my taper before, so well noted. I have learned my lesson. My goal is now getting off the medication slowly and surely, with not focusing on time but stability.

My best wishes to you and thank you for reminding me🙏

[Longroadhome]

@Hanna72

Hi there ! 
it’s nice to have you back and good to hear you feel confident to start your taper. 
You are a lovely ray of sunshine on here and very supportive to everyone. 
welcome back Hanna x
 

[Hanna72]

Hi everyone 

Just a quick update 

So I have reduced fluoxetine to 8 mg, and I don’t feel any difference from the 9 mg.

Still having symptoms which come and go.

My symptoms are;

Pressure headaches, I feel them like vessel thumping (weird feeling)

Dizziness

Adrenal rushes are still present but I feel like they are not as intense as before.

Tightness in jaw and neck 

Nausea

Tremors, like my body is boiling 

Brain fog, and I have had feelings of my mind going completely blank ( scary)

Memory loss

Anxiety 

Racing thoughts 

 

Now the good thing is that these symptoms are not constant. I do get a relief from them on occasion, and I do experience good days. 
I feel though I have to work for it with meditation ( I do now twice a day ) and healthy living, which I still have to get better at. 
 

I plan to drop again by 10% or less in late june. Keeping it slow and steady now.

I sooo want off this medication, it’s been a long dream of mine for years now. I truly believe I can do it, and I am trying to look at this as a learning experience that I have to go through to teach me other aspects of life and living as I walk this difficult path.

 

Thank you @Longroadhome for your kind words, it means a lot 🥰

[Erell]

1 hour ago, Hanna72 said:

 

I sooo want off this medication, it’s been a long dream of mine for years now. I truly believe I can do it, and I am trying to look at this as a learning experience that I have to go through to teach me other aspects of life and living as I walk this difficult path.

 

And I truly believe that you can do it too !

 

So happy to read you have good days, you deserve them so much! ❤

 

Please take it sloooow, looks like it is our best choice to walk on the path to a drug free life 😉

 

Sending you hugs !

[Longroadhome]

3 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Hi everyone 

Just a quick update 

So I have reduced fluoxetine to 8 mg, and I don’t feel any difference from the 9 mg.

Still having symptoms which come and go.

My symptoms are;

Pressure headaches, I feel them like vessel thumping (weird feeling)

Dizziness

Adrenal rushes are still present but I feel like they are not as intense as before.

Tightness in jaw and neck 

Nausea

Tremors, like my body is boiling 

Brain fog, and I have had feelings of my mind going completely blank ( scary)

Memory loss

Anxiety 

Racing thoughts 

 

Now the good thing is that these symptoms are not constant. I do get a relief from them on occasion, and I do experience good days. 
I feel though I have to work for it with meditation ( I do now twice a day ) and healthy living, which I still have to get better at. 
 

I plan to drop again by 10% or less in late june. Keeping it slow and steady now.

I sooo want off this medication, it’s been a long dream of mine for years now. I truly believe I can do it, and I am trying to look at this as a learning experience that I have to go through to teach me other aspects of life and living as I walk this difficult path.

 

Thank you @Longroadhome for your kind words, it means a lot 🥰

Your update sounds positive Hanna . I like it. Things could have been worse so you’re at a really good starting point.

kind words come easy for you Hanna you’re such a good decent person . So nice to have you back on here x 

[Hanna72]

Aww thank you sweet @Phoenixmama 

Yes finally getting consistent good days in a row. Not without symptoms, but more learning and accepting my situation as it is at the moment. 
It feels liberating. Got along way to go, but I have so much faith and I feed myself encouraging words and love my quote reading 😊

Be well and thank you!

 

Believe you can, and you are half way there 😉

[Hanna72]

Hi everyone.

 

Popping in to share with you a very informative podcast I stumbled up  on. I am always researching and reading up on things that can help ease my way on this journey.

The podcast is called the one you feed. There is a very good episode nr 398 with Dr Chris Niebauer which is a neuropsychologist and has been researching how the left and right side of our brain works.

 

There is a native American quote that you might have heard of which I love that says

 

There is a battle of two wolves inside each of us. One wolf is evil, it represents> anger, jealousy, greed ,resentment, lies, inferiority, and ego.

The other wolf is good, it  represents>joy, peace, love, hope, humility, kindness, empathy, and truth.

The wolf that wins is the one you feed.

 

 

Edited June 1, 2021 by Hanna72

[Hanna72]

Hi everyone 

Not feeling good today, just getting really tired of having these symptoms every day in the background. I am trying to accept and live with them, but it’s getting exhausting. 
I just went to the store and I felt so weird, my eyes sight got blurry, I felt dizzy and I had to hurry out to gasp for air. 
My mind has been really foggy and it’s scary to find myself  in a position not being able to get the correct words out.

I have constant inner tremors and like my veins are on fire.

 

I have a question if anyone can help me out.

Is it possible that I am still experiencing Paxil withdrawals? Even though it has been over a year with out it and I am on fluoxetine?

 

 

 

 

[Longroadhome]

12 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

Hi everyone 

Not feeling good today, just getting really tired of having these symptoms every day in the background. I am trying to accept and live with them, but it’s getting exhausting. 
I just went to the store and I felt so weird, my eyes sight got blurry, I felt dizzy and I had to hurry out to gasp for air. 
My mind has been really foggy and it’s scary to find myself  in a position not being able to get the correct words out.

I have constant inner tremors and like my veins are on fire.

 

I have a question if anyone can help me out.

Is it possible that I am still experiencing Paxil withdrawals? Even though it has been over a year with out it and I am on fluoxetine?

 

 

 

 

Hi Hanna

Sorry you are feeling like this. 
knowing what a powerful drug Paxil is I would think it very likely you are suffering wd from it. 
a year is nothing in wd terms. Well not for some of us anyway. 
You were suffering Paxil wd when you went off all drugs and maybe Prozac is not masking the symptoms now you are back on. 
it’s one of those wait it out things that we don’t want to hear because we want relief now. But time will calm your symptoms. They will go Hanna it’s just hard when you’re  not getting any relief. Hang on in there keep going. 
You’re a strong person and remember things can improve quicker than you think x

[Phoenixmama]

hang in there @Hanna72 i'll say a prayer for you

[Rosetta]

Hi, Hanna,

 

Thinking of you.  I hope you feel better soon.  I wish I could say something that would make a difference.  This will all pass eventually.  I know that’s cold comfort when one is in the thick of the misery.  (((Hanna)))

 

Rosetta

[LostInMarshes]

Hi Hanna... Passing by your page here, I read what's going on for you lately, and I just wanted to send you a virtual embrace, if okay. 🤲🏻

And here are some flowers. I'm on mobile, and hope that these emojis show up:

🌺🌷🌼🌻💐

[Erell]

Hello dear @Hanna72

 

And oh I'm sorry you are feeling this, I really understand how frustrating this process can be.

 

I don't know if someone can tell if you are still suffering from Paxil WD : personally, I feel it is easier to understand my situation with the concept of "dysregulation" of the autonomic nervous system.

 

Paxil WD, introducing Prozac, tapering Prozac, reintroducing it and then changing the doses : all these changes, all these events may have destabilised your nervous system, and it needs time to re-regulate itself.

 

Main thing to keep in mind is that all the testimonies show us that, with time, our CNS tends to re-regulate itself ☀️

 

That's what I try to remember, everyday.

 

Sending big, big hugs ❤

 

 

[Hanna72]

I so appreciate your support, means more then I can describe in words. 
@Longroadhome Your support and outlook on this journey is much appreciated as always, yes I have thought also that Prozac is not masking my symptoms, and as @Erellsaid me tapering and starting it again has probably shaken my nervous system. Thank you both for your support💕 You are gems.

 

@Phoenixmama thank you for praying for me. This process really needs ones faith for sure🙏

@Rosetta thank you for your kind words, yes I know it will pass. That’s all we sometimes have, time and patience. We should all get medals for our endurance💕

 

@StormstrongThank you for dropping by, and those flowers put a smile on my face. Keep being you and hold your head up high😉

Hugs to all💕

 

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Hanna72,

Catching up on your thread. Am hoping that you are getting some windows. I agree with Erell, I think it's more helpful to think of autonomic dysregulation rather than which drug is causing which withdrawal effect. Although yes, I DO feel you would be experiencing Paxil symptoms even after a year off. I was still experiencing Citalopram WD after a year, when I switched.

But, it's probably more holistic to think of general dysregulation....which will eventually right itself.

Sending all good wishes your way ❤️ 

[Hanna72]

Thanks for dropping by dear @sunnysideup69I appreciate it💗

 

So for a little update. Just made a small drop yesterday. I feel I am in wd normal, that is feeling symptoms but functioning and stable. I can feel though that I need to be active in using my coping skills, and being aware of my reactions to feelings and thoughts.  I also cant help having in the back of my mind, that I hope that by reducing slowly will safe me from the  horrible crash I had, just scared I might end up there again. 

Having been drugged for so many years, I can feel I am getting more knowledge of who I am and what triggers me and how I can manage it and learn from it. 

I still get upset and angry for how many of us have to suffer, but I am trying to shift my thinking and look for the positive in it all😏

Just started my summer vacation yay, and I need to eat better and exercise more, have not been doing so well in that department.

So at 7.2 mg, feeling pretty good today.

 

Take care everyone 

 

 

[Erell]

Hello dear @Hanna72 !

 

Summer vacation, that sounds great! Then I'll wish you a sweet and Sunny vacation, so well deserved  🤗

 

I understand your fear after all you've been through. I do believe the key is to go sloooooow, even slower than slow 😉

Take your time, enjoy feeling stable ❤

[Hanna72]

Hi lovely @Erell I was just thinking about you guys in here. I always appreciate you dropping by my thread 💗 Was just about to do an update.

1 hour ago, Erell said:

I do believe the key is to go sloooooow, even slower than slow 😉

Yeb I hear you, dont want to go to that dark place again for sure.😉

Hope you are ok, you are such an inspiration erell I am always rooting for you.

Update,

 I have made a few changes in my routine since on my vacation. I have done exercise almost daily, taking it slow and steady, no pushing this time, but slowly upgrading little by little. Also doing slow changes with nutrition, adding more vegetables and clean foods in. Really focusing on nutrition and what kinds will help my body to get stronger and strengthen my nervous system. I do have a cheat day, no way I can go all days like that.

 I want to be stable first and foremost allowing my body to catch up with my mind and goals.

For the last 2 days I have felt the best I have in months. I have NO symptoms. I can feel that my nervous system is the most stable in months. Noises of all kinds do not even shake me. It feels so good I cant even describe it. Going from constant terror and tremors all day long, rocking my self back and forward trying to calm my body down to this is a huge improvement. 

I have got my motivations back and my energy, for now at least and I am so greatful. The hard work is paying off. I know I have alot of work a head, this is just such a push for me that I am going in the right direction.

Lets keep fighting, there is no stopping us, if we can get though this, we can do anything. Lets go💪 

 

You guys are the best, could not do it without you, thank you all from the bottom of my heart💓

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Erell]

12 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

For the last 2 days I have felt the best I have in months. I have NO symptoms. I can feel that my nervous system is the most stable in months. 

 

Amazing news @Hanna72, thank you for sharing, you just made my day ❤☀️

[Hanna72]

Hi @brassmonkey I hope your doing well and enjoying the summer. I have a question for you if you could help me out here. I have just switched to liquid tapering. I used to measure my pills but I find it not being as precise as I would like it to be. 
My pills are fluoxetine solution kinds so it dissolves very well in water. My question is will I get precise amount of the drug each day? I felt this morning that the taste was stronger then yesterday. Might have been because it was the last dose of that pill. I am just scared that it will not be distributed evenly?

Thank you and take care.

 

[brassmonkey]

It is a principle in chemistry that when a material dissolves in a liquid it will automatically distribute itself evenly throughout that liquid. It is probably your taste buds being a little more sensitive today than yesterday.  Be sure to give the liquid a mix before drawing your dose just to be on the safe side.

[Hanna72]

Thank you so much @brassmonkey Much appreciated. 
Take care 🙏
 

[Greatful]

@Hanna72  Thank you for stopping over at my thread.  I wanted stop here a  let you know you are a inspiration to me.  The struggle you went through and ready to go at it again.  It is a mazing how resilient we can be. 

 I see that you have been on meds for almost as long as me.  Some times I am scared of the future, can I get off these drugs?  I am counting on the science that our brain is always healing and adapting.  I can will learn how to survive just fine without the meds.

Were you real stable when you started this taper?  I don't know how long I should wait.     

 

[Hanna72]

Thank you so much for dropping by my thread and your kind words @Greatful

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

It is a mazing how resilient we can be. 

Yes I agree, it’s such a strong group of resilient people in here it’s truly inspiring.

1 hour ago, Greatful said:

Some times I am scared of the future, can I get off these drugs

I have been scared to, especially after my last crash, and I did not start my tapering this time around until I was functional, and got my confidence back. I knew I would have symptoms and windows and waves patterns during tapering and my aim now is being able to work, drive and do the daily everyday stuff. That’s my goal now, doing it slowly and steady and building up good coping skills. Don’t want to crash ever again, it’s inhuman existence.

Our goal should be in my opinion, always aim for stability, if you feel like you are not ready, then give yourself all the time you need before next cut. This is not a sprint but a marathon, that’s how we are going to be able to get off and stay off!

Our bodies have the amazing capabilities to heal.

Believe you can and we are half way there 🙏

Edited July 18, 2021 by Hanna72

[getofflex]

@Hanna72it sounds like you are listening to your body as you taper which is great. I do the same thing. You are right it is a marathon. Slow and steady wins the race.  

[Hanna72]

Hey everyone.

So I have been thrown back into a wave. I am getting used to this by now and really if anything it only gets me more encouraged to stick it out because I have felt how good those windows are.

I have been experiencing weird sensations in my head, sharp pain that comes and goes. Also I have woken up with a weird symptom in my brain, its not brain zaps I know how they feel, this is more like clapping sensation, it comes on for a few seconds and then disappears, very odd. 

On the positive side I want to state that I have not taken any oxazepam for 6 months I think it is now. This is the longest period I have been without reaching for it, and it makes me really proud of myself. I quess my coping skills are working and my lifestyle changes. I have gradually worked more on my nutrition and exercise even started lifting weights for some time now with meditation and reprogramming my thoughts. Thats huge for me.

I have not been telling my friends and family about my tapering, and I will keep it like that, because they dont understand.

That leaves me only depending up on motivating myself, and it can be a lonely and hard road and now I am trying to keep my head up high, knowing it will pass, but music has always been a huge motivator for me, and I am blasting Christina Aguilera song fighter now, love the lyrics and this is what I will say to my drug that I have been stuck on for 20 years>

 

After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end, I wanna thank you
'Cause you made me that much stronger

Makes me work a little bit harder
Makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much stronger.

 

I will never quit, and when I fall, I will get back up again.

Take care everyone, respect to you all.