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Hanna72

☼ Hanna72: I will be free

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Hanna72

@mustafa thank you dear, I know, and I will follow you all advice 🥰

Hugs 🥰

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Mimi79

Dear Hanna, I know this feeling of frustration too much. We want to do things and go forward, but we can’t. I guess you are in a wave of anxiety. Wait a little and when you will feel better, you will be able to move on. I’m sure, you are so strong and positive! 
Like Alto said me last week, for the moment, take care of yourself and treat your CNS like a little baby, with love and kindness.
Everyday, you are healing. Sometime, this healing process brings symptoms, we have to accept them.

Take care of you...❤️
 

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Longroadhome
7 hours ago, mustafa said:

My dear hanna, 

Other friends are advising u not to force yourself to calm down and of course true.

Being frustrated for not being calm would increase the anxiety and this should make u dont bear. 

You know that it comes and goes and sometimes bad and the others ok.

Try to be quiet whem you are in pain until u cross.

I think the relaxing videos will help u like the videos of forming materials if u know them.

I wish you are ok every time❤️

Take care ❤️.

I agree with Mustafa Hanna 
don’t try and work against it work with it present 

don’t fight it 

we all know what it feels like and trying to calm yourself down will make it worse it brings on the second fear “fear of the fear” 

know that it will decrease in intensity if we accept its presence. Like Brass Monkey says it’s the unwanted guest in the house ignore it  long enough and it will  go away . 

stay  strong  
be patient 

accept and float 

 

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Hanna72

Thank you all for your kind words.

I am truly thankful for you all. 
Yes it is so true, the more I fight it the worse my anxiety gets. Looking back now on my years on the drug, I have been dealing with anxiety and panic. That’s why I knew it wasn’t helping me never. I tried many things during my years on Paxil to find ways to reduce the anxiety, like extreme work outs and even ice baths, but it always ended up in panic attacks afterward. I did not understand. I see now that my nervous system was so weak, it all makes sense. It takes along time to recover, and I need to accept it.

Just really hard when I want to do so many things like other people, and live my life to the fullest. 
I need to follow my own advice, patience and time. 🙏
Again hugs to you all🥰

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Longroadhome
3 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Thank you all for your kind words.

I am truly thankful for you all. 
Yes it is so true, the more I fight it the worse my anxiety gets. Looking back now on my years on the drug, I have been dealing with anxiety and panic. That’s why I knew it wasn’t helping me never. I tried many things during my years on Paxil to find ways to reduce the anxiety, like extreme work outs and even ice baths, but it always ended up in panic attacks afterward. I did not understand. I see now that my nervous system was so weak, it all makes sense. It takes along time to recover, and I need to accept it.

Just really hard when I want to do so many things like other people, and live my life to the fullest. 
I need to follow my own advice, patience and time. 🙏
Again hugs to you all🥰

Hanna this is exactly what had started happening to me while on Paxil. Very gradually I started to get anxiety that got worse and worse as time went by. The doctor upped my medication but after three weeks I knew the only answer for me was to come off Paxil for good. 
looking back over the years I was medicated I had many symptoms that I can now associate with being on this medication . 
Irritable  bladder, anxiety/edgy, pains in my stomach, vertigo, visual migraine, tinnitus, and more . And to think we all thought ADs just changed serotonin levels . How wrong can we be they change every  single receptor/organ in the body And now we must wait for reversal.  

as you say patience is the key . We were on the drug many years and it’s going to take a while to return to normal pre med function but it will happen . 

Stay strong 

LRH 

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Cocopuffz17
16 minutes ago, Longroadhome said:

Hanna this is exactly what had started happening to me while on Paxil. Very gradually I started to get anxiety that got worse and worse as time went by. The doctor upped my medication but after three weeks I knew the only answer for me was to come off Paxil for good. 
looking back over the years I was medicated I had many symptoms that I can now associate with being on this medication . 
Irritable  bladder, anxiety/edgy, pains in my stomach, vertigo, visual migraine, tinnitus, and more . And to think we all thought ADs just changed serotonin levels . How wrong can we be they change every  single receptor/organ in the body And now we must wait for reversal.  

as you say patience is the key . We were on the drug many years and it’s going to take a while to return to normal pre med function but it will happen . 

Stay strong 

LRH 

Absolutely. These drugs effect literally everything in the body. I wouldn’t be surprised if it all has to do with serotonin as is it found all over the body. Be strong it will get better. The body is an amazing machine and will heal itself giving the proper nutrition and time. 

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Erell
Posted (edited)

Hannah, 

 

you are strong.

you are resilient.

 

I know how hard it can be to remember that this is only temporary when we are going through intense anxiety. When we can't go out of our house.

But what we know, is that everytime anxiety fades eventually, everytime we eventually go outside again.

 

One day, all this will only be a memory ❤️

 

Edited by Erell

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Hanna72

Update: Still stuck in a wave. My spirit is getting down. Constant fatigue, anxiety, sadness, sensitivity. Just no joy, feel stuck in darkness. 
On more positive notes, these symptoms have lessened, or improved; 

Sleep is solid and mostly good
Better concentration 

Tinnitus has lessened 

Headache gone
Blurred vision has improved 

Brain zaps  lessened 

Brain fog a little better 

 

Take care everyone 🙏


 

 

 

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mustafa
2 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Update: Still stuck in a wave. My spirit is getting down. Constant fatigue, anxiety, sadness, sensitivity. Just no joy, feel stuck in darkness. 
On more positive notes, these symptoms have lessened, or improved; 

Sleep is solid and mostly good
Better concentration 

Tinnitus has lessened 

Headache gone
Blurred vision has improved 

Brain zaps  lessened 

Brain fog a little better 

 

Take care everyone 🙏


 

 

 

Hello hanna,

So good that u have some symptomts less but dont respond to the down spirit yours.

When u feel down, dont focus your attention and dont try to make decision, just relax and try to distract your time until you have your spirit up again.

For alot of times, i have my spirit down, motivational music and successful people stories can make you gain force and courage 💪.

And remember not to make alot of effort, never do things that are over your current ability.

Take good care of your self hanna.

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Hanna72

Hi everyone. 
Just curious, do any of you struggle with memory loss? 
I feel like my brain is not functioning. I forget the smallest things. My parents in their eighties have better memory than I do.

 

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sunnysideup69
4 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

Hi everyone. 
Just curious, do any of you struggle with memory loss? 
I feel like my brain is not functioning. I forget the smallest things. My parents in their eighties have better memory than I do.

 

 

Hey @Hanna72

My memory is pretty awful. I will think about something, go to do it and then, when I get to the thing or the room, I completely forget what it was that I needed or was going to do.

 

This has been quite noticeable since crashing off Citalopram and onto Venlafaxine last year. It's like I've got a goldfish memory, some days.

How are you doing?

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Hanna72

Hey Sunny, I am hanging in there. 
Ok so the memory problems are withdrawal or the brain is not functioning normal cause of years on these meds?

How are you?

 

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sunnysideup69
2 minutes ago, Hanna72 said:

Hey Sunny, I am hanging in there. 
Ok so the memory problems are withdrawal or the brain is not functioning normal cause of years on these meds?

How are you?

 

 

I found that when I was on Citalopram 20mg my memory was terrible and when I tapered, it improved a lot.

I think it's both WD AND a side effect of ads, that they can cause foggy memory. 

Am ok, thank you.This last week hasn't been as smooth sailing as the one before, have had a lot of fatigue, but it's also not the worst week I've had ;) I think a lot of it is 'lockdown boredom fatigue' also. Made worse by WD.

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Longroadhome
1 hour ago, Hanna72 said:

Hi everyone. 
Just curious, do any of you struggle with memory loss? 
I feel like my brain is not functioning. I forget the smallest things. My parents in their eighties have better memory than I do.

 

Yes i do Hanna

it has been happening a long time for me 

even before tapering as I was in poop out and didn’t realise It. 
Brain fog has been my constant companion for some years 

I’m crossing my fingers it goes away once I’m through WD

confident it will !! 

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Hanna72
6 hours ago, Longroadhome said:

I’m crossing my fingers it goes away once I’m through WD

confident it will !! 

I am with you on that  @Longroadhome this long journey for all of us in here will come to an end.

 

 

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Hanna72
7 hours ago, sunnysideup69 said:

think it's both WD AND a side effect of ads, that they can cause foggy memory. 

Yes it looks like some people in here have this memory problem too. 
Yes  these times are strange and can make it even harder on us, just shows in my opinion how strong everyone is in here. 
 

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Hanna72

So yesterday I threw away my package of seroquil pills, that I have used very seldom for insomnia. It was a full package minus one pill that I used weeks ago. I will from now on work through my weaknesses with healthy coping skills, that I am still learning. I am not ready yet to throw away my oxazepam pills, since they have in my mind been a safety net in my panic attacks. Even though I hardly ever use them, just knowing that I have them on me at all times is comforting.  I am in constant anxiety mode these days. 
I will not ever give up, I will get better, and I will beat this anxiety and be truly free off all pills in my future. 
 

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Longroadhome

I think you will too Hanna 

you have a steely determination !!

It was never going to be easy coming off Paxil as all us “paxillions” know 

BUT many many people have done it and I think one day in the near future you will also be writing a success story 

 

keep going 

stay strong 

stay focused 

WD Does not last forever

 

 

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Mimi79
2 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

o yesterday I threw away my package of seroquil pills, that I have used very seldom for insomnia.

@Hanna72 I should do the same thing. I too keep my Seroquel and Ativan just in case, like a safety net, but I just don’t want to use it anymore. I haven’t used them since the last 3 months anyway. Even when I was in the worst part of a wave, I resisted. So I would be able to throw them away. But I don’t know why, I feel so insecure to do it.  Starting with the Seroquel would be a good first step...

You are an inspiration for me, I will follow your steps.

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mustafa
On 5/31/2020 at 2:57 PM, Hanna72 said:

So yesterday I threw away my package of seroquil pills, that I have used very seldom for insomnia. It was a full package minus one pill that I used weeks ago. I will from now on work through my weaknesses with healthy coping skills, that I am still learning. I am not ready yet to throw away my oxazepam pills, since they have in my mind been a safety net in my panic attacks. Even though I hardly ever use them, just knowing that I have them on me at all times is comforting.  I am in constant anxiety mode these days. 
I will not ever give up, I will get better, and I will beat this anxiety and be truly free off all pills in my future. 
 

I love to read this hanna,

You will do it 👍.

Patience, hope, insistence ❤️

 

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Ronja

Hello Hanna, I have read your thread. I so very much feel like you. I admire your positive thinking! I think we are about the same age too. I am 45.

i have also read Eckart Tolle a lot and found him very helpful. But when I feel my worst it seems like nothing helps. I was wondering, since you think a lot about what you eat, what food do you think works best for you? I feel like I have lost my appitite...I am avoiding sugar and coffee and it is quite boring. Like all I eat is indifferently to me. 
Well anyway, just wanted to hi, I am too from northern Europe. You have given my strenght today. 

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Hanna72
On 5/31/2020 at 3:16 PM, Mimi79 said:

. I haven’t used them since the last 3 months anyway. Even when I was in the worst part of a wave, I resisted.

I resist to use it too. I want to be able to reach within and have coping skills to use instead of reaching for a pill. 
Thank you for your kind words dear mimi, and I am so happy to see that you are doing better. 
Hugs to you🥰

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Hanna72

Hi @Ronja Thank you for your kind words. I just read your post, and I can see that you are new here, so welcome 🙏 
Yes Eckhart Tolle has helped me a lot, I often listen to him on YouTube before I go to sleep. 
I myself have struggled with finding the best food to follow, but I have finally been able to stick to a low carb diet ( not Keto) I find that eating more good fats helps me, like avacado, coconut oil and nuts, and I eat whole carbs not refined. Its not always a 100% but I am getting better at it. 

I think you are very strong and brave to have gone through this journey all by yourself. You should be proud of yourself. I am glad you found this site, it is comforting and helpful to be able to reach out to others who are in the same boat.
You are not alone

My best wishes to you from Reykjavík 🙂

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Mimi79

Hi @Hanna72,

I have read that you are facing hard times. I would like to give you some hope and good vibes. You are always there to encourage us, you have helped me tremendously since I’m on this forum. I know you have the strength in you to overcome those hard days. Be kind to yourself and patient. We will heal, it just takes time, a lot of time. I like to repeat to myself: Everyday, we are healing, even if we don’t see it now.
I’ve read what you wrote on another tread and it was talking to me:

 « How can I cope, should I stop listening to news and keep myself in a bubble from the world. »

I was asking myself the same thing today, as I am, those days, so much sensitive to any violent or negative news that I read. I realized I’m so sensitive, it makes me have some bad or violent images in my mind, and they can get stuck. I think it’s part of withdrawal, because usually I’m not as sensitive.

But I’ve decided to stop reading or listening news for a moment, until this pass too. Anyway, I think it’s better like that. 
Take care of you...

Mimi

 

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Mimi79

I’m reading a very inspiring story, Baylissa Frédérick’ s story, « With hope in my heart ». 
She has been through hell of Benzo WD. She is so inspiring, her story gives me hope for my life during and after WD.

 

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mustafa
On 6/2/2020 at 11:38 PM, Hanna72 said:

ind that eating more good fats helps me, like avacado, coconut oil and nuts, and I eat whole carbs not refined. Its not always a 100% but I am

Hello hanna,

I hope you are feeling well.

Good food can change almost everything and every one here should keep his food always good and not eat any thing.

For alot of times, avocado salade rescued me from a bad suffer and also pecans, pistachios and olive oil .

I used to use these types of foods instead of drugs to calmen my CNS and it succeeded almost every time i did it.

I dropped by to say hello and know how are u doing and also wanted to stress the importance of good food .

Sending hugs for u ❤️

 

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Ronja
On 6/2/2020 at 11:38 PM, Hanna72 said:

Hi @Ronja Thank you for your kind words. I just read your post, and I can see that you are new here, so welcome 🙏 
Yes Eckhart Tolle has helped me a lot, I often listen to him on YouTube before I go to sleep. 
I myself have struggled with finding the best food to follow, but I have finally been able to stick to a low carb diet ( not Keto) I find that eating more good fats helps me, like avacado, coconut oil and nuts, and I eat whole carbs not refined. Its not always a 100% but I am getting better at it. 

I think you are very strong and brave to have gone through this journey all by yourself. You should be proud of yourself. I am glad you found this site, it is comforting and helpful to be able to reach out to others who are in the same boat.
You are not alone

My best wishes to you from Reykjavík 🙂

Oh, Reykjavik, I used to dream of going there, very much. I Still am, in an other time...

thank you so much for your words. I got tears in my eyes. 
so good that you have found out some food that works! I really think that is so importent. I don’t know if you have nettles growing?  we have a lot, I Will try to use nettles  in my food more often. So much good stuff in them.
I also went to have acupuncture the other day. He was very understanding when I explained everything. I don’t think it could do any harm at least. It felt quite good.
Hoping you have a better day today! Thinking of you from Sweden. 
with Love, Ronja

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Hanna72

@Mimi79 @mustafa and @Ronja

Thank you all so much for your kind words, it gives me strength to push on through. Hugs to all of you💓

Yes I am facing the worst wave so far since coming off the meds. I called my employer today and told her that I needed to take few days off, and she was very nice about it.

I also made an appointment to see a psychologist, and I will start a CBT therapy the 15 of June. 
And yes I agree mimi, I need to avoid news, and I am off social media for a while. Thanks for the book suggestion, I have written the title down. 🙏

9 hours ago, Ronja said:

I don’t know if you have nettles growing?  we have a lot, I Will try to use nettles  in my food more often. So much good stuff in them.

Never heard of nettles 🧐 Need to look into that, 🙏 

14 hours ago, mustafa said:

For alot of times, avocado salade rescued me from a bad suffer and also pecans, pistachios and olive oil .

Thank you mustafa for this tip🙏
Hope you are all well and improving, one day at a time🥰

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Hanna72

Update:

For the last few days I was hit with really bad withdrawals symptoms. I was surprised by it, did not expect it. Headache, nausea, brain zaps, tinnitus, insomnia  blurred vision and anxiety that hasn’t left me for a while now. I took 3 days off of work, which was so good, and I slept for 10-15 hours the first 2 days. I had family member telling me that maby I might need to go back on Paxil, hearing that was crushing. But I decided to work on what I believe in, and to ignore opinions of me by others. 
Then for the past two days, I noticed a shift. I felt calm, I felt like a veil had been removed from my mind. I started taking walks, and enjoy and really look at my surroundings. I have also been doing handy work for hours on end, something I have not been able to do for a long time. 
YES this is a window, 😃and it felt so good. I will hold on to this feeling, this is so worth it. 
 

Warriors are not the ones who always win, but the ones who always fight💪
Stay strong you guys, have faith in yourselfs, and know that we will heal🙏

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Amira123

 @Hanna72  it's wonderful to hear that Hanna ❤️ 

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Longroadhome
3 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

Update:

For the last few days I was hit with really bad withdrawals symptoms. I was surprised by it, did not expect it. Headache, nausea, brain zaps, tinnitus, insomnia  blurred vision and anxiety that hasn’t left me for a while now. I took 3 days off of work, which was so good, and I slept for 10-15 hours the first 2 days. I had family member telling me that maby I might need to go back on Paxil, hearing that was crushing. But I decided to work on what I believe in, and to ignore opinions of me by others. 
Then for the past two days, I noticed a shift. I felt calm, I felt like a veil had been removed from my mind. I started taking walks, and enjoy and really look at my surroundings. I have also been doing handy work for hours on end, something I have not been able to do for a long time. 
YES this is a window, 😃and it felt so good. I will hold on to this feeling, this is so worth it. 
 

Warriors are not the ones who always win, but the ones who always fight💪
Stay strong you guys, have faith in yourselfs, and know that we will heal🙏

Hanna 
 

a most welcome window !! 

Yes Stay strong 

WD is incredibly scary and lonely most of the time while in the thick of it . However just like the windows I read time and time again how we get compensated on recovery because of the trauma we have been through . They say life is better than pre meds because we change and become better people more compassionate and understanding with a greater appreciation of life. 
 

how wonderful will be that time when we can look outside of the suffering we endured to a bright happy peaceful future. 
 

We all have this to look forward to. A small window goes a long way .. 
 

Take care Hanna 

LRH 

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sunnysideup69

@Hanna72, that's really great to read, a window for you! Hope it's lasting well. One day, that position will be 'normal' for us :) 

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Hanna72

Thank you all, I would be lost with out this forum🙏
This window lasted 2 days, the longest I have had so far. I am holding on to it tightly. I am also shifting my thinking, I will now focus on what I can do instead of being frustrated on the things I can’t do. And I hope the CBT therapy which I will start on Monday will give me the extra push to help me with the anxiety.

I hope you are all well, and thank you again, enjoy the weekend 🙏

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Erell
Posted (edited)

hello dear Hannah, 

 

Really happy to read you had some moments to breathe :)

They will keep on coming, longer, happier, easier ! ❤️

 

And yes, it is violent when we see that people aroud us don't believe us and deny our feelings.

People think we are depressive, however when I see how much we fight for life I think we are the ones who love it the most ! ;)

 

Stay strong my friend, Bright days are coming ❤️

Edited by Erell

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Hanna72

Hi everyone 

Really struggling over here. I am so emotional and angry. I can’t seem to calm myself down. I am exhausted by all these emotions. 
I went to my first CBT  meeting yesterday. I told the physiologist I had stopped taking Paxil, and I would not ever go back on it. She looked at me baffled, and I felt like I would not have her support. Really made me doubt going back, I need to have people around me that support and help me during this process. I felt so alone. No one understands this process, I have stopped communicating about it with my family. It’s such a lonely road that I am on. I only have this community, and I am so grateful for all of you🙏
I will never give up, I cling to all the success stories and they give me hope. 
Take care you all💖

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sunnysideup69

@Hanna72

Happy anniversary, you're three months off today! 

 

I know what you mean, I talk about WD from antidepressants with my therapist and she doesn't totally get it. I even have friends who I can sense don't quite believe it could be real and that I must just be 'anxious and depressed because of my underlying illness.' This forum indeed is a life saver.

YOU are the expert, not the CBT therapist. Just try to get some useful strategies from her if you can.If it's useful. Although at the moment, perhaps body based soothing and calming is more useful....just a thought. I know you walk, that's great! Also use the self soothing on here and keep remembering the symptoms aren't 'you,' they are from dysregulation which is trying to mend itself. You're healing. The three month post-meds point is quite significant and it's not uncommon for new symptoms to crop up/ to feel worse, don't panic, hang on in there.

You've got this, Hanna.

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