Cigale: reinstating help

[Cigale]

Thank you @Hanna72 and @sunnysideup69 for your support and compassion. I hope you two are continuing to do well. I am hanging in there, minute by minute, and trying to find the beauty in each day.

 

I started my brassmonkey taper on October 24 and could use some guidance, maybe @Gridley can help? I am nervous about the process, especially since I haven't really stabilized on Lexapro 5mg. I am using crushed pills and capsules. (Just wondering now, was I supposed to do a crossover to this new format (capsule vs pill) like one would do with liquid?)

 

Here's my current situation:

 

10/24 - 2.5% reduction, 4.9 mgai/6.7 mgpw

10/25 - 10/26 - No noticeable change in symptoms.

10/27 - 10/30 - Notable improvements with 6-7 hours deep sleep and 5/10 anxiety. One amazing night I was sleeping so soundly that my husband couldn't wake me up to get me to stop snoring like a hibernating bear!

10/31 - 2.5% reduction, 4.8 mgai/6.5 mgpw.

10/31 - 11/3 - Increased anxiety 7-8/10 with increasing difficulties sleeping, getting about 5 hours sleep.

11/4-11/6 - Increased anxiety with SI, increasing difficulties sleeping with 1-2 terror surges, about 4 hours sleep.

 

I am wondering if the improvements I had 10/27-10/30 were more about me stabilizing on 5mg than the reduction since that happened so soon after the cut. And thinking that I may not be feeling the cuts for 6-7 days. So do I just go back to 5mg, or try and hold with with this 5% cut? Or go back up a little to the 4.8 mgai. The amounts are just so small it is mind boggling!

 

I hope you are doing well. Sending healing hugs!

[Gridley]

27 minutes ago, Cigale said:

(Just wondering now, was I supposed to do a crossover to this new format (capsule vs pill) like one would do with liquid?)

It won't be necessary to do a crossover.  It's still in pill form, just powder now.

 

27 minutes ago, Cigale said:

And thinking that I may not be feeling the cuts for 6-7 days.

The general rule is the dose change reaches full state in your blood stream and it takes a few days more to register in your brain.

 

27 minutes ago, Cigale said:

hold with with this 5%

It's hard to say.  You could go back up to 4.9. and stabilize there. 

 

It looks like four 2 1/2% cuts are too much.  Once you stabilize, you might want to try four 1% cuts with a 2-week hold.

Edited November 6, 2020 by Gridley

[Cigale]

Thank you so much @Gridley for the fast reply! I will return to 4.9 and hold. 

 

I think it is going to be tricky to figure 1% drops with this scale. But I will cross that bridge later. 

 

Take care!

[Erell]

Hello dear

 

Wow looks like you really had a nice night of sleep 😄

Hope you'll feel a bit better soon.

 

Just a thought :

before starting a Brassmonkey slide, it could be interesting to do one drop and then wait one month to see how your body react to the drop.

And perhaps do this once Again for another month. 

This way, you might be able to see if there is a pattern in your symptoms after a dose change.

 

Big hugs  ❤

[Gridley]

28 minutes ago, Erell said:

it could be interesting to do one drop and then wait one month to see how your body react to the drop.

And perhaps do this once Again for another month. 

I think this is a good idea, Cigale.  Do one 2 1/2% drop and see how that works.  This is after you stabilize on 4.9. That will get around the scale problem also.

@Cigale

Edited November 7, 2020 by Gridley

[Cigale]

Thank you @Erell for this idea and thank you @Gridley for chiming in too! Just the suggestion gave me a little surge of hope! I am going to give it a try after I settle back down on 4.9. 

 

@Erell - How are you doing my dear? And @Gridley - I hope your days are lighter without Lexapro!!

 

Hugs to you both!

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Cigale,

Am dropping by to say hello. Have had a wobbly three weeks, will hopefully settle soon. 

I think the idea of doing a 2.5% cut and then waiting a month is a brilliant one......really we have to sneak off these darned things, as Alto often says.  A sneak down the scale and then a month's break sounds perfect.

I'm realising how sensitive my body is to the Venlafaxine also, and so will be also adopting that approach when the day comes.

Am so glad you got a decent sleep- 'snoring bear' really made me laugh! Since the evenings are darker, earlier, I have struggled with snoozing on the couch really early in the evening....anyway. Hope you're okay. Sending massive hugs and love.

[Erell]

Hello my dear Cigale, 

 

I was thinking of you.

How are you doing with the 4.9 mg?

 

Don't know how it's been in South France, but here we definitely have seen more rain than sun  
Hope you can enjoy some shining rays ❤️ 

[Cigale]

Hello my dear friends - Just a quick update to let you all know I am hanging in there. Your support provides me the strength to work through these difficult days.

 

Sending you all healing hugs!

[Gridley]

13 minutes ago, Cigale said:

I am hanging in there

We are with you, Cigale.  You just keep on hanging in there.

[sunnysideup69]

On 11/23/2020 at 6:12 PM, Cigale said:

Hello my dear friends - Just a quick update to let you all know I am hanging in there. Your support provides me the strength to work through these difficult days.

 

Sending you all healing hugs!

We're here, @Cigale.

You've had a rough time and bereavement on top. Plus, stupid pandemic.

Keep holding on....brighter days will come, for sure. Sending hugs and good wishes to you.

[Cigale]

Thank you @Gridley and @sunnysideup69 for support and hugs.

 

My update for the record: I am now 10 months into reinstatement and struggling. My sleep is light (about 4 hours maximum), during the day I swing from burning anxiety to deep depression, I am losing weight again, and cognitively I am having new issues. I am still holding at 4.9 mg Lexapro and haven't changed anything else.

 

I feel horribly trapped by the drug and know there's nothing that can be done to help me.

 

Sending healing hugs and hope to everyone on this journey.

[Gridley]

@Cigale

I am so sorry you're feeling bad.  As Sunnyside said, keep holding on, things will get better.

 

Gridley

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @Cigale,

Sorry to read that. I totally understand that feeling, felt that way whilst swinging around on Citalopram. Lexapro is an ass. What are you going to do......continue to hold until you 'stabilise' a bit?

[Cigale]

Hello Dear Friends!

 

First I want to wish you all peace and healing this holiday season. I also want to follow the advise of the wise and wonderful ChessieCat and pay it forward by sharing more of my journey. Perhaps my story can help someone else some day.

 

For whatever reason, my reinstatement of Lexapro 5 mg in February has been very rough. So I have had to begin my taper without being stabilized. I had decided to crush and weigh my pills but struggled with even a 1% reduction. I think one thing holding me back was that I just couldn't seem to get consistent weights of my crushed pills. Lack of confidence in the process wasn't helping my state of mind.

 

So I decided to try making my own liquid Lexapro. It took about 24 days to transition, but I have made it over from pills to liquid. I had some rough nights and days but returned to my WD normal.

 

I also reduced my dose to 4.7 mg ten days ago. I have had an increase in symptoms - anxiety, insomnia, depression, difficulty concentrating and making decisions - but am still able to function on a daily basis. I plan to hold at this dose for a full month so I can get an idea of what my symptom pattern is after a reduction. (Thank you @Erell for that suggestion.) It seems like it takes my body about 6-7 days to register a change, which I first experience in disturbed sleep. And I am happy to report that I had a 4 hour window on Saturday, Dec 19!

 

Sending healing hugs 🤗!

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Wooh! Go you, @Cigale! I'm impressed with your determination. Sounds like a good idea, to do a very small cut and then wait to see your baseline. Sending you lots of love and many hugs and good wishes for continued healing in 2021. Another year of healing  We're going to get there.

[Caroline16]

Bonjour Cigale,

 

I hope you are doing fine. I've read your last posts and it is obviously very difficult times for you, but I see all your courage and I want you to know that am I supporting you by reading you and by sending you "good vibes" from Québec. You are not alone, we all are here with you.

 

Take care of you, be gentle with you. I wish you a happy New Year 2021 with more and more health.

 

Caroline xx

[Erell]

Hello dear @Cigale,

 

I just saw in your signature that you are tappering. 

How are you doing these days?

 

Thinking about you ! ❤

[getofflex]

@CigaleI, too, am tapering Lexapro.  I'm sorry you've had such a tough time after reinstating in February.  This Lex is mean stuff!  It sounds like you are doing a great job of being determined to get off the stuff, yet are being cautious about tapering gradually!  Keep it up, and don't give up!  We can get off of these nasty drugs.  Jennifer 

[sunnysideup69]

Sending hugs and love @Cigale. How's the taper? 

[Cigale]

Thank you @sunnysideup69, @Caroline16, @getofflex, and @Erell for your encouragement. It is so welcome and appreciated! I am hanging in there and using all my coping skills to get through the days. Yes, I have started cautiously tapering and dropped to 4.5 mg about ten days ago.

 

I am coping and typically getting about 4-5 hours of sleep, though my mornings and afternoons are still pretty hard. But I just get up and push through the day doing all I can to live a 'normal' life - cooking, cleaning, talking to family and friends, studying French, trying to learn new things, reading. As I have reduced, I feel my symptoms have increased and changed, but I am doing a better job coping, most days.

 

One thing I could use some advice on is appearance. WD has really taken a toll on me and it shows in my face and eyes. I am still pretty underweight and my clothes hang on me. I now have dark circles under my eyes and so many new wrinkles and grey hairs. And unfortunately people have started to comment, to ask me if I am okay. Even people I don't know that well, like my favorite vegetable vendor in town. Any advice on how to handle this? Or skin cream recommendations? I am drinking lots of water to help my skin and I am making sure I eat three healthy meals.

 

I am grateful for all your support and send huge healing hugs to all of you!

 

[Cigale]

On 1/2/2021 at 7:41 PM, Caroline16 said:

You are not alone, we all are here with you.

 

Yes @Caroline16 - I have been meaning to tell you that I am using your syringe technique for my taper. All your tips have been very helpful! Thank you so much for taking the time to explain it to me. Hugs, Cigale.

[sunnysideup69]

@Cigale, you could just say to people that you've been through a very stressful period, what with bereavement and lockdowns, and it has been difficult for you. No need to elaborate if you are not comfortable.

I empathise as my skin is prone to breaking out these days, which never happened until my 'adventures in WD.' Now, when I'm stressed, I have a breakout and I know some people at work noticed. One asked me about it and I just said 'it's menopause and the stress of bereavement.'

 

[Cigale]

Thank you @sunnysideup69 for the wise advice. I hope your doing okay in lockdown there. 🤗 

[sunnysideup69]

6 minutes ago, Cigale said:

Thank you @sunnysideup69 for the wise advice. I hope your doing okay in lockdown there. 🤗 

Aaw, thank you. I'm ok, but really bored of my own company. Working from home, staying at home. Distracting my mind from doing weird things as much as possible.

I've actually decided I'm going to get a kitten in March. My neighbour's cat is having kittens and I've said I'd like to buy one, he has agreed. Bagel (his cat) is about to give birth any day. SO excited 🥰

[Erell]

Hello dear Cigale,

 

I know how hard it can be, but it really sound like you are doing an amazing job with coping skills !

You amazed me, and inspire me, thank you.

I strongly hope for some relief in your days soon.

 

After your first drop, did you notice some kind of pattern in your symptoms during the month ?

 

About appearance : in WD, our bodies really go through a lot and I think we all can see it on faces. I've seen a lot of people talking abou those dark circles under the eyes. 

Personaly, I always had a dry skin but since one year it is more than dry

Some thoughts  :

- if my body needs to work on other things for now, then it's ok, let's work on repairing what needs to be repaired, and I'm pretty sure that as healing will happen we will also look healthier In fact, a lot of Success Stories mention this kind of evolution.

And, even if it is not easy in a culture that enhance so much appearance, I think it's important to not put ourselves under pressure : we already have enought to deal with.

- On the other hand, I sometimes feel the need to make an effort, making some scrub and a mask on my face for example. Not for others, but because it makes me feel like I do something for my wellbeing, and that I take care of my body.

It also put a kind of "routine " in my strange days : taking the time every day to brush my teeth, wash my face, gently massage it with good oil,..

 

Do what pleases you, when you want to do it (so easy said ! ).

 

About cream : in order to not put chemicals on my skin I essentially use organic vegetal oils. Rose oil is often recommanded for mature skin.

 

And about grey hair...well let me confess that Im a bit jealous 😄 

Don't know why but I've always found grey/white hair absolutely beautiful ! And by the way, @sunnysideup69 is a wonderful case of beautiful grey/white hair 😍

(Didn't understand everything in your videos, was too focused on your beautiful hair 😄).

 

Well this is getting very long, talking a lot for not saying much, I'll stop there ! 

 

Hugs ❤

 

[sunnysideup69]

Ah @Erell, thank you ! 🥰😘

[Caroline16]

2 hours ago, Cigale said:

 

Yes @Caroline16 - I have been meaning to tell you that I am using your syringe technique for my taper. All your tips have been very helpful! Thank you so much for taking the time to explain it to me. Hugs, Cigale.

Rebonjour Cigale! I am happy to read that my technique helped your tapering. I often think about you.  I find you built a great team of Lexapro "taperers" around you and it encourages me as well to read them on your page. Hugs!

[Cigale]

3 hours ago, Erell said:

if my body needs to work on other things for now, then it's ok, let's work on repairing what needs to be repaired, and I'm pretty sure that as healing will happen we will also look healthier In fact, a lot of Success Stories mention this kind of evolution.

 

Oh merci mille fois @Erell for all your advice! I am going to buy some rose oil tomorrow and do more of a beauty routine. I love that idea, and doing it for me and my well-being. It is so important to do normal things when everything else is so strange and uncertain.

 

3 hours ago, Erell said:

After your first drop, did you notice some kind of pattern in your symptoms during the month ?

 

I am still trying to determine my symptom pattern, and have to admit that I only held the first drop for 3 weeks instead of a month. But for that first drop, I didn't notice much of a change until day 7 and then things got a little rough for four days. When that happened, I worked harder to be 'normal' and go about my day doing things that needed to be done. And then around day 14, I started to settle back into my WD normal with anxiety about 5-6/10 and some depression. One symptom that has increased, and seems to replace anxiety some days, is anhedonia. This is new and I really struggle with it.

 

I am keeping better notes for this drop, which so far has been more difficult. Just more anxiety and insomnia, though I do have more energy to push through the days. It is all just so unpredictable and strange. But thanks to you and so many kind souls in this community I have the tools to move through the days.

 

I am grateful for you!

[wantrelief]

Hi Cigale - I wanted to thank you for popping by my thread earlier today and for your sweet message.  It looks like we are in similar situations tapering whilst not having the greatest baseline. I am experiencing some of the symptoms you are describing so it seems like we are rowing in the same withdrawal boat. I am impressed with all of the things you are doing to take care of yourself - that is not easy when you are feeling so unwell.  We will get there in time....slowly but surely our little boat will find the shore.  💖

[Yesyes123]

Hey @Cigale how have you been? Hope you are much better

[Dejavu]

@Cigale, I've been away awhile and just caught up on your thread. I hope you're doing okay. I'm concerned about your tapering while not yet stable. I see that you didn't wait the full 4 weeks before cutting again, which also concerns me. It took me a full 10 months to get stable and I waited another 2 months before starting my taper, which I've now again had to put on hold because of hitting a really bad wave. I think it happened because I started my taper too soon after stabilization and the cuts were just too big/too much for my body to handle at the time. So here I am again, waiting for stabilization. I don't want to see that happen to you. Won't you think about taking a little break after this most recent cut and wait for a better baseline? I know it's hard to wait, and I'm not trying to be a downer. It seems you've got a much better attitude about it than I have been able to manage, and that will go a long way. And I hope with everything I have that tapering while not stable goes better for you than it did for me, and that I am completely off here. I just care about you. 

[Erell]

Hello dear Cigale

 

I also was wondering how you were doing and wanted to send you some healing vibes 🤗❤

[Cigale]

Hello dear  @Erell, @Katy398, @wantrelief, @Dejavu, @Yesyes123, @sunnysideup69, @Caroline16, @getofflex, @Hanna72and @Gridley!

 

After a break, I want to let you all know that I am hanging in there. Daily life continues to be a bit of a struggle, but I do all I can to live life and remain hopeful that I am healing. I have continued my micro taper as it doesn’t seem to change how I feel on a day-to-day basis. I am thankful that I am able to get some sleep - about 5-6 hours a night - and eat pretty well. Daily meditation is also very important as I feel it when I skip a day. 

 

I want to send my love to you all for your healing. Your struggles are real and I wish I were strong enough to provide more support. But for now, I need to stay off the forum to work on my recovery.

 

Healing 🤗!

[sunnysideup69]

Sending you a hello and a big hug xxx

[Hanna72]

Dear @Cigale

Thinking of you and hope your days are getting brighter 

Hug sent your way❤️