Jump to content
Nikki

Let's Talk Anxiety...

Recommended Posts

Nikki

Alto I wasn't sure where to post this. I wanted to start a thread on Anxiety for anyone struggling with it. How to get to the bottom of it ~ How to get rid of it ~ How to differentiate between a drug induced anxiety issue ~ or life's events.

 

In my life I have both types of anxiety. Life's Curve Balls and Stress. And what I perceive to be a chemical problem with anxiety.

 

And there is one other anxiety component for me...I am hypersensitive and I think I've had it my whole life. It surfaced at age 15. It was low grade and then I had the anxiety meltdown from hell in the latter part of 1995.

 

Enter Paxil ~ Lexapro ~ Imipramine and now Celexa

 

Somewhere along the line (most likely the Lexapro taper) things changed. The anxiety I experienced during that taper was horrific. It took 2 years to taper. I have never been the same.

 

Enter Life's Stressors and Fears. Job loss, several jobs that didn't work out. Major anxiety on these jobs. Sick child. Ex spouse took me to court twice to see if he could get out of paying alimony....didn't work Thank God, but I paid for lawyers. Sold big house, bought smaller home. Did not file bankruptcy, paid off charge cards which left savings low.

 

Decided to resurrect my old business which I believe I can be successful at. It's been a year and I seem to be obtaining more customers, however it is not yet enough as of yet. Money & financial security are soooo important to me and a goal I set. Before the economic dowturn I had money, was very secure. Not now.

 

I get terrible anxiety of bills. The large ones: Life insurance, home insurance, car insurance, health insurance, dental insurance, property taxes. I pay them, but as soon as I accumulate money - out it goes. A few months back the dentist was $3,000 and I am not done.

 

Don't want to be a victim or a martyr....

 

The bottom line is that I have had AM anxiety for years. This morning what got to me wasn't the anxiety itself, it was the frustration, anger, fear and struggle of it. It affected me in a serious way today...."I can't go one, I'd rather be dead, complete panic and at the same time depressive thoughts to.

 

This is where I am at and I don't know how to help myself.

 

Celexa is a miserable drug. They all are. These drugs did something to me.

 

Can talk about anxiety and depression to......to vent and help one another?

 

Hugs to all

Share this post


Link to post
angie007

HI Nikki,

 

Sorry to hear your struggles hun, Life seems to throw some awful curve balls to people like us in life thats for sure.

 

I have the same issues here, but maybe in a slightly different way, my anxiety issues stem from using paxil, i was a long term user.

And yes i have had much stress in my life, and a lot of family deaths, including losing 2 babys of my own, my mothers false diagnosis of stress and anxiety,

that turned out to be stomach cancer, and losing my brother - he is 12months younger than me in a work related freak accident.

All of which rocked my world obviously and caused a great deal of emotional upset.

Then along came Paxil ------ ahh the magic bullet ------NOT.

 

I admit during the first 8 yrs of my use, i was emotionally numb to everything, nothing mattered, i just went along lifes path, raising my kids, doing the normal things in life,

until........ i started getting symptoms of WHAT I NOW KNOW to be anxiety, i didnt recognise this as anxiety because i had never in my life before experienced it.

 

So my idiot doctor had me do a virtual cold turkey which i could only do for the first 4.5months, and i ended up back on paxil, with less intense symptoms, and gradually 18months later

I somehow managed to slow taper myself off, amidst the chemical hell that this drug had created in my brain and body.

 

I am now just over ONE YEAR OFF, and i still have to deal with anxiety - albeit a less intense form of, than it has been, but none the less, this last week has been the absolute pits

in that respect.

I have again, got 2 daughters pregnant, the first one is epileptic and i was woken by my grandaughter screaming and crying down the phone at 7.30am on monday, her mommy was on the floor and she hadnt a clue what to do, she ended up in the hospital getting her medication tweaked, and was discharged later that day.

Daughter number 2, i was woken again Tuesday morning, when she called me to say she had been up all night with stomach cramps and shooting pains in her sides, and was very upset and tearful on the fone, first thing that came to my mind was ECTOPIC pregnancy, and so i called the doctor, she was less than sympathetic to say the least, and wasnt prepared to do anything at all,

so i called the hospital and spoke to a midwife who was disgusted by what i relayed to her, she advised me to take her to the Accident and Emergency and get her checked out there.

Which i did --------- my daughter ended up with a canula in and iv paracetemol for the pain and had bloods done incase she needed to go to theatre.

A scan was done later in the afternoon to confirm AN earlier pregnancy than my daughter was expecting, and she was discharged later that day.

MY anxiety was high, my stress levels were ready to snap, and amidst this, i was looking after her other two children who are still young, who were particularly needy and very miserable.

 

The next day, i woke extremely stressed, i could feel it, i have never experienced that level of stress before in my life, after everything i have gone through, but........

none the more for how i was feeling in myself, I still had many jobs to do, usual cleaning, housework, washing etc etc, plus,. i had to take my grandaughter to play group, come bacjk and bath and do hair, ready to go pick her up a couple of hours later, plus pick up prescriptions for my other daughter from the doctors surgery, pluys cook tea, plus pick up

my other grandson after school tennis club, as his mom was at work.

I DID ALL OF THAT , and trust me, i felt really unwell with aches/pains, mental head u name it, i had it, then i played darts last night for my local pub, been playing now for the last 4 months. BY the time i was ready to leave for my few hours out last night i felt ready to pass out, but i went, i didnt pass out much as i feared i would, i played my games, socialised with my friends, and WON my games.

It wasnt easy, but i did it!!!!! and im not here to brag and boast at all, im here to say, that after these drugs, we OWE it to ourselves to grab whatever life we can with both hands,

take chances, do things , no matter how we feel ----- we dont have a choice, this junk and i mean all psyche meds here are poison, they will take you to the deepest pits of hell, i know, i been there, we have to fight to regain our lives back, it is our right to live anyway we choose, BUT I CHOOSE TO FIGHT THIS BATTLE, ITS ONE I SIMPLY HAVE TO WIN, no matter how hard.

 

I dont know why i have written all this, but i simply wanted to let you know, that i understand what your going through and how your feeling, I was the same, i hope by reading this it will give you some positivity and maybe some drive to help you through, and to let you know, that things WILL BE OK, and THINGS DO GET BETTER, maybe never perfect, but its worth the long fight.

I wish you all the best.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

Thanks Angie...

 

Wow you've gone thru alot and still are.

 

I have the same issues here, but maybe in a slightly different way, my anxiety issues stem from using paxil, i was a long term user.

 

I am now just over ONE YEAR OFF, and i still have to deal with anxiety - albeit a less intense form of, than it has been, but none the less, this last week has been the absolute pits in that respect.

 

I did take paxil years back. You are saying that your anxiety issues are less intense after being a year off?

 

This is where alot of my confusion & tears come from. What's my life and what are the effects of drugs?

 

I have done so many self help programs, practices, medications and I have it bad. My life is unmanageable and I have been struggling to build it up for a long time now.

 

If my life were better financially, would I have less anxiety. If I didn't have anxiety would I be able to view my life differently?

 

Not doing well.

 

Hugs

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Angie...WOW, you have come through an amazing journey! I'm so sorry for the losses you have suffered. I can't imagine...

High five on the darts!! It's great that you have a social circle and outlet to have fun. I forced myself to go out on my own and travel also while I was tapering. It helped alot with the anxiety. Two friends moved away in last year and hubby doesn't do much, so what social life I have is on my own now.

 

Nikki ... I used to worry over money ALOT. My day to day finances were ok, but I worried that I wasn't saving for retirement ... who will take care of me when I'm old and gray? How will I care for my elderly parents? What if...?? This was all after I was put on disability and felt I had no control over my life. Then husband lost job for a few years (or chose not to work) and we lost a house, etc. I saw many hundreds of thousands of dollars go down the drain between my salary lost, husband's years not worked, father giving at least $150k to sister for illegal drugs over years... I hit a mental wall and the only thing I care about now is that my horses are taken care of. That is one thing I DO have control over and IS my responsibility. I can't make anyone get a job or not support illegal drug habit or... It feels as though any and all sense of control has been taken from me one way or another, but, in reality, I was grasping to the illusion of control thru money. I'm a fiercely independent person and hate to ask for help, but if I find myself homeless, I'll figure it out. I can't say that I don't worry, I still do. It's somehow different now. I know I have subconsciously dissociated to a degree as self preservation from family. That's not ideal, but I spent so many years ensnared in a sick family without realizing it and banging my head against the proverbial wall. It's pure survival mode right now. People think I'm being mean, punishing my family by not communicating, but it's not a choice.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

Thanks Barb and Angie...

 

I have read that alot of people who never had anxiety, experienced it big time after taking physch meds, in particular Paxil. I was having horrendous panic attacks and didn't know what they were.

 

I was told I had Anxiety Disorder. I did. I had hoped that medication would ease it, so I could have more clarity. That did happen. I didn't know (none of us did at the time) that it would plague us (me) for years to come as a result of the medication.

 

I was explaining to a therapist that when it is a chemical issue, it has to let up on it's own. Same with the crushing depression from meds. I cannot wish, pray, exercise it away. It leaves when it's ready. This is the where the unmanageability steps in and raises anxiety levels.

 

I wanted to believe that there would be a day when the nagging anxiety would leave if I were in a good place in my life. So I have strived for that place.

 

Initally anxiety had to do with Core Fears: Abandonment - a feeling or mistaken belief that I could not take care of myself - loss of parents - homelessness (which was a fear my mother had and I absorbed) and lonliness.

 

And then it festered into no self-esteem, self doubt, I was unable to set boundaries for myself and others. I lost myself in a marriage. I wanted to be rescued from me by a spouse.

 

After divorcing I worked on these issues big time and I felt much better about myself. I developed a life rich with friends.

 

And the came the LEXAPRO TAPER FROM HELL. There was damage & alot of fear from that 2 year stint. I am angrier over lexapro than I am over paxil. That taper left a hole inside that I have not been able to fill as of yet.

 

I don't understand how one person can have all of this cortisol/adrenaline released into my body every day. How is this possible. It's like an endless supply.

 

I do keep moving forward every days. Still building my business, paying my bills, but I don't see the positive side any more. Again, when I can't infuse a positive spin I belive it is a chemically induced anxiety..........

 

Thank goodnes for this site. I really need to vent. Don't want to talk to others too much about it.

 

What are the solutions for anxiety??????

 

Hugs

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Nikki,

I wish I had the answers for both/all of us!

I just read an article by Giovanna Fava about DEMORALIZATION vs. DEPRESSION. I will post as soon as I find it again. I know that I have suffered from demoralization due to underlying endocrine condition (undiagnosed until recently). I huhad anergic dysthymia for years; the exact type of mood that should NOT be treated with SSRIs, not that any SHOULD be treated with them, but anxious dysthymia MAY respond somewhat.

Then lost career, independence, identity, etc. A huge hole, indeed.

I felt like I was trying to drive a car with the emergency brake on for 20 years. During the anxiety times of tapering, it was somewhat energizing whereas it sounds like it is disabling for many.

Maybe I'm just semanticizing, but I hate the term 'depression'. To me, it is a term that is used when 'no real cause' can be identified, be it physical or environmental/life stressor. I can clearly identify the series of events that caused my declining mood over the years. None were ever reconciled or adequately addressed. And, as we know, the drugs worsen everything in various ways.

Sorry...I totally lost the intent of that post.

Share this post


Link to post
alexjuice

Hey Nikki,

 

I also have anxiety. I mean, the reason I started on antidepressants, and later other drugs, traces back to pretty potent social anxiety I faced after losing a support system when I went off to college as a youngster.

 

I have been off of most of the drugs for 2 years but still take some medication for anxiety. The medications I currently take are horrifically addictive and not intended for long term use. As I taper off of them, I expect to be tested to the point of survival. (I d/c'd these meds in the past and had a really rough go of it...lots of hospital bills and nasty things like that.)

 

Right now, I am struggling with morning anxiety, though I am doing better with it, I think.

 

Your mornings are bad? How does the anxiety start? How much sleep are you getting?

 

I've realized that I control more than I think and also that thinking isn't always my friend.

 

Best,

Alex

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

Barb you didn't get off topic, you are spot on.

 

What is dysthymia? You said I can clearly identify the series of events that caused my declining mood over the years. None were ever reconciled or adequately addressed. And, as we know, the drugs worsen everything in various ways.

 

I have had a series of events that knocked me for a loop (anxiety loop). Still trying to recover & rebuild. Not where I had expected to be at this point in time. Enter - self doubt.

 

Alex...

 

Right now, I am struggling with morning anxiety, though I am doing better with it, I think.

 

Your mornings are bad?

 

Yes, it takes me a few hours to get out of the anxiety/funk. Shower, read inspirational stuff, journal, and talk to someone when it is really bad and I am tears.

 

How does the anxiety start? How much sleep are you getting?

 

It starts as soon as I first wake up. The first thought is "Oh God another day of hell & worry. Oh no I have anxiety." Then I lay there and try to pray it away, breath it away and it gets worse, and the worse it gets the more I lay there. Everything that bothers me comes into my head. There is a feeling or monotony in my life that gets to me in the morning.

 

As for sleep. It takes time to all asleep because of sciatica. I do wake up a few times. Bathroom, or when my daughter comes home. Dogs bark and want to see her.

 

Alex thank you for letting me talk about this. I have to leave now, but I shall return ;)

 

I've realized that I control more than I think and also that thinking isn't always my friend.

Share this post


Link to post
Vanora

Hi, Nikki, Anxiety is hard to overcome. How do you fight your own mind especially if it's been damaged by chemicals? Yesterday I decided to go out of the house after a long spell hiding from myself and the world but because I was beginning to look like the yeti from hell I thought I would brave the hairdresser. Big mistake! Had to gulp down lots of diazepam so that I could just sit there and get it cut. Felt like I was going to die.

Sometimes I wish I could be put into some kind of coma and wake up a year on feeling free from anxiety. Wishful thinking.

Have bought myself the supplement Niacin. I have read it could be useful in aiding anxiety. Take care, Vanora

 

 

 

28th March 2012 since I last took Cymbalta

Share this post


Link to post
angie007

Hi Guys,

 

Nikki im so glad you started this anxiety thread, folk need to talk about what escalates there anxiety be it situational or chemical.

This has to be the crappiest trade off iv ever heard of, and i constantly beat myself up, for believing anything in a pill would make grief any better, how gullible not to realise

that grief is a NORMAL human emotion!!!!!!! Yes i was upset, who the hell wouldnt be, but i didnt have symptoms of anxiety or any of the crazy crap iv had the misfortune to experience.

 

I find myself constantly ruminating now and wondering if the anxiety part of this ever goes away???? It is better than it once was, but my inability to handle stress in the same way i once did, seems to rev it all up again and sometimes it feels uncontrollable, no matter how many techniques i use, none of them get rid of it., it comes when it chooses and leaves when it feels it will.

 

Id like to believe that one day, anxiety WILL be a thing of the past, I didnt ever suffer with this prior to paxil, why the hell should i now, the other thing i have is the back of head and neck pain, I think its to do with being stressed, but this is NOT me creating this stress, I went for an holistic massage a couple of weeks ago, and the massuese said that she felt i MUST be holding some tension in my upper back to create the head and neck pain. She was amazed to find NOTHING!!! and put it down to some sort of psychological stress lol, oh yeah she is right,

ITS DARN PAXIL STRESS, i know that for a fact.

Share this post


Link to post
alexjuice

Alex...

 

Right now, I am struggling with morning anxiety, though I am doing better with it, I think.

 

 

Your mornings are bad?

 

Yes, it takes me a few hours to get out of the anxiety/funk. Shower, read inspirational stuff, journal, and talk to someone when it is really bad and I am tears.

 

I have morning anxiety too. It strikes about 2 or 3 seconds after I open my eyes. I actually enjoy the first couple of seconds bc I know a huge spike is about to come on. Typically my anxiety is, like you, focused on the stressors of the moment.

 

It starts as soon as I first wake up. The first thought is "Oh God another day of hell & worry. Oh no I have anxiety." Then I lay there and try to pray it away, breath it away and it gets worse, and the worse it gets the more I lay there. Everything that bothers me comes into my head. There is a feeling or monotony in my life that gets to me in the morning.

 

As for sleep. It takes time to all asleep because of sciatica. I do wake up a few times. Bathroom, or when my daughter comes home. Dogs bark and want to see her.

 

Alex thank you for letting me talk about this. I have to leave now, but I shall return ;)

 

It sounds like you are having a very tough difficult challenge you are being forced to endure. I want to let you know you are doing a great job by simply being able to talk about it.and reach out for help.

 

I've been through really horrible stretches of anxiety, right now things are not that bad compared to how bad it can get, so I know exactly how you feel.

 

There are a couple of small things I do to help. First, I avoid all stimulants in the morning, especially caffeine. I also eat a breakfast of something with protein within 30 minutes of waking up. I typically try to eat a hard boiled egg. I have also divorced myself from the idea of breakfast foods. So I never really eat those type of things, like cereal, bagels, toast... Other than eggs. I will eat some oddball stuff -- for instance I like sardines. Ok, like is probably an understatement but they give a good cheap burst of protein, calcium and omega 3s. Also they at cheap, relative to their nutritiousness. My crown prince brisling sardines with skin and ones is $2.18 at the local grocery store. Finally, I have found that walking can help. I haven't tried anaerobic exercise like yoga but I think walking has been best for me, something like swimming may be even better, but I don't know.

 

You are so brave to wake up and confront this nightmare everyday. Please let us know how it goes in the next few mornings,

 

Best,

Alex

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Nikki,

I'm trying to find a decent explanation of 'dysthymia' which is, generally, SUBTHRESHOLD depression that lasts for 2 years or longer and does not reach the diagnostic criteria for Major Depressive Disorder (not severe enough). It's often a manifestation of Hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis dysfunction, which I was diagnosed with a few years after I got on the psychiatry express.

I really hate using psychiatric diagnostic terms to describe variations in personality. I was always an introspective, nerdy, analytical kid and adult. I think that personality goes hand-in-hand with what LOOKS LIKE low level depression, unhappiness, sensitivity, etc. Alot of chicken-egg theories, but I know I never had anxiety prior to SSRIs. I was low energy, pushed myself thru life. I had a Type-A mind but a Type Slug body that couldn't keep up. SSRIs were never activating for me; they slowed me down more (something that MAY be perceived as a good thing in anxiety, but temporary).

So, hindsight, as they say, is 20/20. I never had any obvious life events that set off a depressive episode. Negative family, my personality, and a doc with samples of a new drug called Zoloft in '93. Then bruxism/severe TMJ that eventually landed me on permanent disability. Work injury (neck) at about same time although I now wonder if that was all part of same thing. Battling chronic pain since '93, a few medical leaves with last one in 2001 ending in career loss. Never had kids b/c I was career-focused (not a choice I regret, honestly). Bad marriage... loss of independence... no purpose in life... sparse social support ...

Really nothing dramatic, a series of 'micro-traumas' that added up. I guess that's why I flew under the radar for so long. I was with my pdoc for 15 years (with at least 1 hour long appointments) when he finally realized and said " wow. You really ARE alone." Helloooo!!! Been trying to tell you that for years, doc! He, incidentally, treats my husband, also.

 

Nikki, your description of morning anxiety is very similar to my experience of morning dread/depression. What do you think characterizes it as anxiety vs. 'Depression'?

Share this post


Link to post
alexjuice

He, incidentally, treats my husband, also.

 

Hey Barb,

Just saw this and it set off the ol alarm bell. Think you or your husband might consider seeing a different doctor? Seems not in either of you guys' best interest to share a shrink, no matter how objective he/she thinks she can be. You deserve someone committed to addressing your matters from your perspective which seems like a tough ask for doc in this situation. Just my 2 pence.

 

Alex

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Alex,

Very good point.

I haven't gone back to him since I realized what had been going on with drugging over the years (confirmed by endocrinologist who, incidentally, treats shrink's wife) and threatened to sue shrink. A tangled web. Haven't found a new doc. Cant bring myself to go to a pdoc. Urgent Care docs have been cooperative, but it's stressful not having a doc to rely on.

 

Thanks, Alex.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

Barb what makes it anxiety for me is the cortisol/adrenaline dumps. It is dread too. The dread of feeling anxious another day. Barb it may be better to see another doctor. Then again if seeing him separately he may be able to piece together alot more. It was important for me to have the counselor see my former spouse.

 

Vanora, going to the Hairdresser....I heard a motivational speaker (Attacking Anxiety & Depression) and he had the same experience as you with the Barber. He realized that once the cape was on he felt trapped and that brought on his anxiety. His remedy was to talk to himself on the way to the appointment and while in the chair.

 

"I can leave whenever I want." "There is the door." "I can see outside." "All is well."

"I like getting my hair cut, I feel clean."

Alex I did not have social anxiety. I guess I had/have GAD and panic disorder. God I hate labeling myself. I already have a Shame Issue with anxiety and the medication problems. Always wished I was 'tough as nails' and nothing bothered me. Quite the opposite.

 

I have practiced every single recovery tool known to man to get rid of anxiety and I still have it. My mother understands that the ssri's made an adverse impact. Very understanding :)

 

I am going to continue to taper the Celexa. It is not helping at all, I actually think it is contributing to the problem.

 

I have been reading up on TCA's. I may at some point have to take something. They actually worked well for anxiety in the past. There has to be more to life then feeling this way.

I'm a fighter.

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Well, I wont be seeing the pdoc because he won't since I threatened to sue last year. It was a moment of anger after learning of the endocrine mess and he's been sued before. I haven't even attempted to contact him.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

When I am very busy with work, I find my anxiety levels are much lower. I suppose the physical exertion in conjunction with building the business is very good for me.

 

I am the type who needs to exhaust herself physically. It somehow lowers anxiety/worry.

I do have alot of stamina and can work for hours at a stretch. When I hit that place of being tired and needing to lay down and recharge my batteries, I a okay with it. It is a good tired, not a WD/anxiety tired.

 

With working as much as I did this week, I really see that a large percentage of anxiety is related to financial security and reaching my goal.

 

I would like to believe that as I get further away from ssri's and become more secure the anxiety will settle.

 

It is always a 1/2 inch away from the surface ready to start the cortisol dumps again.

 

What is the connection??????? Is there that nano of a second where the thought enters and then their is a flood of adrenaline? If so, how do we stop the thoughts?

Share this post


Link to post
alexjuice

Alex I did not have social anxiety. I guess I had/have GAD and panic disorder. God I hate labeling myself. I already have a Shame Issue with anxiety and the medication problems. Always wished I was 'tough as nails' and nothing bothered me. Quite the opposite.

 

Yea. I know exactly what you mean about labeling yourself. Don't worry about the labels. I use social anxiety not in the diagnostic sense but just descriptively. I mean, almost all of my anxiety focused on being embarrassed, not being good enough, being the center of attention, being exposed, and on and on ... publicly or before other people. If I lived in isolation like in a cabin in the woods in Montana without a phone or internet, I imagine I'd have very low levels of the anxiety I'm accustomed to experiencing. Though it's all complicated by my withdrawal issues and criss-crossing due to the Drug barrage.

 

I have practiced every single recovery tool known to man to get rid of anxiety and I still have it. My mother understands that the ssri's made an adverse impact. Very understanding :)

 

It may feel like you've tried everything, but it's probably not possible. In looking at some materials from a therapist, I noticed there are over 400 distinct therapeutic modalities. I'm not being argumentative, but I hope you consider a more positive approach. Rather than you've tried everything and nothing works; everything you've tried hasn't worked but you will find eventually find coping methods that offer more relief.

 

I am going to continue to taper the Celexa. It is not helping at all, I actually think it is contributing to the problem.

 

I have been reading up on TCA's. I may at some point have to take something. They actually worked well for anxiety in the past. There has to be more to life then feeling this way.

 

 

For years I've looked into treatment options for chronic anxiety. After talking and researching I've come to the opinion that there is not a good medication for chronic anxiety.

 

If I were you, I wouldn't assume that you will feel the way you today forever. I try not to.

 

I'm a fighter.

 

That's what I like to hear.

...

 

Nikki, I can actually promise you that you will not feel this way forever. Maybe try to hang in for a while longer.

 

Alex

Share this post


Link to post
alexjuice

When I am very busy with work, I find my anxiety levels are much lower. I suppose the physical exertion in conjunction with building the business is very good for me.

 

I am the type who needs to exhaust herself physically. It somehow lowers anxiety/worry.

I do have alot of stamina and can work for hours at a stretch. When I hit that place of being tired and needing to lay down and recharge my batteries, I a okay with it. It is a good tired, not a WD/anxiety tired.

 

This makes a lot of sense and, as I understand most protocols, is exactly what should happen. However, while productive activity seems to help me, strenously overworking myself seems to make things worse.

 

You're going to be okay, Nikki!

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

Thanks Alex....

 

I suppose you are right. I haven't tried every modality of treatment. EMDR was good for me.

Maybe I should consider purchasing that program.

 

You said you had anxiety before meds & that it is social anxiety. Did something happen as a kid that started to trigger it?

 

I know I had it at a very early age like (3-4). From there it was triggered by going to Catholic School, being abused and being separated from my mother. I remember seeing my brother come home from school with blood on his shirts, from being slapped by the nuns. He was hysterical and did not want to go back after he came home for lunch. We used to come home for lunch back in the day.

 

My brother had panic attacks as a kid and I remember watching him suffer with it.

 

After that it was just there, inside, and I would feel it if I were embarrassed, scared or felt insecure in some way. Yelling, verbal abuse raised it so much.

 

For these reasons I was diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder. To be honest, I believe that I do have an inherent problem with it.

 

And then a number of years back, while is on another website there was the Cover Story on National Geographic of DNA and the article said that researchers have discovered a marker for anxiety, depression, addiction an even melanoma. When I posted this on the other website

it was not taken well.

 

So there are genetic markers for it. Maybe that is how I am wired. It does run in my family.

 

Hugs

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Nikki,

Those are horrible images and memories to carry around. I'm so sad for anyone who has been subjected to that. I knew people who went to Catholic school in my hometown, but never heard stories like that from them.

 

I believe there are many possible genetic predispositions that, compounded by environmental stressors, set off a cycle of anxiety or other disorders. I have 2 female friends (unrelated to one another) who had bad (abusive) childhoods. They became resilient but younger brothers developed psychosis/schizophrenia with the same familial circumstances. So many possible variables...

Share this post


Link to post
Tom

On another forum, they always tout Claire Weeke's book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves." I thought the book sucked. It was poorly written, disorganized, and really didn't seem to explain exactly how you do the process. That said, she does make a good point about not fighting the anxiety. I think basically when you become afraid of the anxiety and start fighting it, you are telling your brain there is something wrong. When you tell your brain there is something wrong, it starts doing it's job, which is to kick into gear and fix whatever is wrong. So it's like a loop, you become anxious, then you tell your brain you are in danger, and it becomes more anxious trying to save you from the danger. The idea is to stop getting your warning system to over-react to perceived danger. In other words, you compound your anxiety by being anxious about your anxiety. If you can just say something like "screw it, I'm anxious, but it will pass," and then stop focusing so much on the anxiety, it may really make a difference. I don't think I'm explaining it that well, but I stumbled on this article a while back, and I think he pretty much nails it. Hope it helps somebody, cause I think it made a difference for me. Article: http://nothingworks.weebly.com/

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

On another forum, they always tout Claire Weeke's book, "Hope and Help for Your Nerves." I thought the book sucked. It was poorly written, disorganized, and really didn't seem to explain exactly how you do the process. That said, she does make a good point about not fighting the anxiety. I think basically when you become afraid of the anxiety and start fighting it, you are telling your brain there is something wrong. When you tell your brain there is something wrong, it starts doing it's job, which is to kick into gear and fix whatever is wrong. So it's like a loop, you become anxious, then you tell your brain you are in danger, and it becomes more anxious trying to save you from the danger. The idea is to stop getting your warning system to over-react to perceived danger. In other words, you compound your anxiety by being anxious about your anxiety. If you can just say something like "screw it, I'm anxious, but it will pass," and then stop focusing so much on the anxiety, it may really make a difference. I don't think I'm explaining it that well, but I stumbled on this article a while back, and I think he pretty much nails it. Hope it helps somebody, cause I think it made a difference for me. Article: http://nothingworks.weebly.com/

 

Tom thank you so much for posting. You explained this very well. I scanned over the article and will delve into it more later on today.

 

I am "in the loop". I guess anyone with chronic anxiety is in the same loop.

 

Can you tell us more about how it made a difference for you and what it was like for you before you read this article?

 

Thank you again.

 

Yep Barb it was tough in Catholic Schools, but I tell myself that was then and this is now. I have wanted to get away from the trauma or memories by uncovering them. I don't want to be a hostage of my past.

 

With that being said, I am now holding myself hostage by recent events and cannot seem to escape the same thoughts each and every day. And therein lie the problem.

 

Nikki

Share this post


Link to post
Tom

Nikki, it showed me that anxiety passes and that it's more likely to pass quickly if you don't freak out about it. It also showed me that by freaking out about it, you only intensify the symptoms. Unless there is some underlying medical condition that needs to be addressed, I think the best way to deal with anxiety is pretty much to stop fighting with it and mostly ignore it. The nervous system will eventually calm down if you stop giving it a reason to keep getting more and more stimulated. Something like that, lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

Tom I was reading some more from the link you posted.

 

It is me and it is exaxtly what I do which is obsessing over it which keeps it alive.

It will take some time to read the whole link.

 

I really like it and it makes sense to me. I know I am hypervigilant over keeping myself afloat by beginning a business. So I am having trouble with understanding how to 'let go' of not worrying, because I feel irresponsible when I am not pushing, worrying.

 

In essence, I am scared of failing, falling, not being okay both emotionally or financially.

This is insidious stuff.

 

This morning I did practice 'this is anxiety, it will go away, get out of my face, and I tried floating with it.'

 

I had an Aha moment today. How much 'this' is holding me back from living.

 

Avoidance behavior. Shying away from things by not getting out of my box. There is alot of immobilization involved in anxiety. When I had the money to travel, I didn't.

 

And yet....I mix well with people. Have marvelous people skills. Enjoy listening to others talk about their lives. I have tons of friends. I am in Al-Anon (it's not AA).

It is for people who have friends/relatives of alcoholics. My former spouse was my qualifier.

 

I am doing the 12 Steps with a Sponsor. That takes quts and people say it tranformed their lives. Again looking for answer/solutions.

 

I cannot thank you enough for posting this link. It's going to take time to read and re-read.

 

Can you elaboarte a bit on your med history and anxiety. How did you recover from Effexor?

 

thanks again

Share this post


Link to post
ajnjj

Hey guys, I just read that link. I think its wonderful. Kind of like Dr WEekes book hope and help for your nerves. Thank you , Nikki, for suggesting I read it. Thanks Tom for posting.

Share this post


Link to post
Tom

 

 

Can you elaboarte a bit on your med history and anxiety. How did you recover from Effexor?

 

 

 

I will have to do that when I have more time, but I just wanted to say that I haven't recovered, not by a long shot.

Share this post


Link to post
ajnjj

Here's a thought I had after reading that article Tom and Nikki.

 

If we are capable and strong enough of manifesting the variety of symptoms related to anxiety, then we must be capable of manifesting the exact opposite. And if we can focus and concentrate on good health and relaxation, maybe we can turn it around in time.

 

I've been thinking about this since I read that. Wd symptoms aside of course. And it would certainly be a battle and time consuming as well.....

 

But what's the worst that can happen....nothing? Lol.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

ajnjj....

 

I have to finish reading and re-read the steps outlined in that link. It has been working for me.

 

My little Wesite bit a Bufo Toad which are deadly. Was in Vet's office for 10 hours. Had to flush out her system, load her up on Valium and wait to see is she would make it.

 

The toxin causes hallucinations as well as the seizures. It was pitiful. Cried alot but I did not have anxiety. Even without the anxiety I practiced what I've been learning from that letter.

 

The dog is home now. She is sleeping off 10 hours of medication and by tomorrow we will see if she has any neurological damage. Pray to God she doesn't.

 

She is only 3 years old.

 

Hugs

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Oooh. Poor thing. So glad you caught it, Nikki! Is it the slime that is toxic? Seems I read of that ages ago. Did you see her get it? That's a blessing!

When I first read your message, I thought you said your WEBSITE bit a toad!

B

Share this post


Link to post
ajnjj

Nikki, I'm sorry. This is terrible...I will be praying for you....

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

The dog is back to normal :)

 

We are so relieved. The toads are not from the US and they have invaded Florida, Colorado,

and several other states. It is very bad in Australia. Basically any animal including horses can be affected by licking or nipping at the toads back. The toxin causes, hallucinations, seizures, can cause the heart to stop....

 

Teenagers are licking the toads to get high :blink: Would you believe these crazy kids?

 

The toads can be killed by spraying them with straight ammonia.

 

I am so relieved that I am not having that awful anxiety in the mornings. I attribute it to the tiny reductions in Celexa which was probably at too high a dose + the link from Tom.

 

When anxiety lifts I can practice recovry tools and see a light at the end of the tunnel

Share this post


Link to post
ajnjj

I am thrilled for your good news!!! Isn't it crazy what these miss will do for a high? All the things they want to feel are all the things we Re trying to escape!

 

Also, its incredible that our days vary so greatly. I find my hours vary. One hour I'm great. The next not so much. Hoping it will all level out.

Share this post


Link to post
Barbarannamated

Nikki,

I'm so glad your pup is going better! I'm still confused on how the toads got here if they are not indigenous... Are people bringing them in for some reason?

 

Hour by hour... that is exactly how I am living. Mornings had been less bad for awhile, but the dread is back with a vengeance now. Having a few decent hours late afternoon/evening when I feel like I will be able to function somewhat normally, plan for next day. Then WHAM! It starts all over again. It's not anxiety, but lack of any vision of future.

Share this post


Link to post
meistersinger

Nikki,

I'm so glad your pup is going better! I'm still confused on how the toads got here if they are not indigenous... Are people bringing them in for some reason?

 

Hour by hour... that is exactly how I am living. Mornings had been less bad for awhile, but the dread is back with a vengeance now. Having a few decent hours late afternoon/evening when I feel like I will be able to function somewhat normally, plan for next day. Then WHAM! It starts all over again. It's not anxiety, but lack of any vision of future.

 

I know that feeling. Part of the reason the gp put me on antidepressants in the first place. I guess I was always too sensitive and trusting. Probably why I am always hearing suck it up all the time from my brothers. They recognize my talents, they get their noses bent out of joint when I actually think of doing it. Their opinion is, the only thing in life that matters is money. They don't seem to see their disconnect. Probably why I' lying in bed and watching sprout.

Share this post


Link to post
Nikki

I have had so much of the Dread, changing from hour to hour, anxiety, awfulizing, desperation, etc. It sux.

 

Now that I am experiencing peace for the first time since I don't know when, I can "smell the roses." It is not a high, not manic, just okay and hopeful.

 

I honestly think all of us, even those of us who only took 1 AD as opposed to numerous meds were overdosed.

 

I still have a very long way to go. I was on 40mgs. and I am probably down to 39mgs.

It wasn't like this with Paxil and Lexapro WD. This is much more tolerable.

 

I have also experienced feeling better on one dose and lousy on another. We never know.

Being very busy is the best medicine for me.

 

Have a lovely Memorial Day Weekend B)

Share this post


Link to post

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

×
×
  • Create New...