LostRunner: took citalopram for 7 days - feel terrible 7 weeks later

[Altostrata]

If you look around, you'll see that people suffer weird symptoms from drug-induced neurological dysregulation for a lot longer than 3 months.

 

If your symptoms started during or after your accident with citalopram, they're probably iatrogenic and the neurologist won't be able to find anything. You might come out with a diagnosis of dysautonomia, which is functionally the same as drug-induced neurological dysregulation. Nobody knows how to treat that, either; it's usually trial and error with psychotropics.

 

 

[Artistic1]

LostRunner - In 2015, I was hit literally out of the blue with Generalized Anxiety and panic. It was the most horrible experience in the world for me - terrible physical symptoms, cortisol rushes, headaches, tingling in my feet, mental anguish, insomnia, crying, depression, and on and on. I hit the internet and self-diagnosed more causes than you can think of. Hormones, chemical imbalance, diet, digestion issues, stress, boredom, spiritual emptiness, or maybe I really WAS crazy. I went on an antidepressant. Symptoms were muted, but did not disappear. Hated being on drugs. Researched the heck out of that. Looked for alternatives in holistic medicine, with supplements, got tests I'd never heard of before. I was more crazy from looking for causes and cures than I was from the initial onset of the anxiety. 

 

Testing showed nothing major in my physiology aside from some normal things due to age. I was disappointed I couldn't find something that I could throw some supplements or hormones at to help me, and  I finally realized it really didn't matter what the cause was. If I was going to have this condition, I was going to have to find a way to live WITH it, not against it. I couldn't keep looking for causes and reasons. I HAD TO LOOK FOR SOMETHING TO HELP ME COPE AND MOVE FORWARD. It's like being in a car accident and waking up with your legs paralyzed and realizing you're never going to walk again. You still have a life - a different life, but you create the differences. I had to do something besides look for reasons why I was the way I was. Changing my outlook to acceptance and coping took a long time, and I'm still working on it. But I know you can do it, too. I hope this helps.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[ghm2018]

@LostRunner

 

I am so sorry that you have been adversely impacted by medication. I understand. I’m here for the same reason and you’re not alone. 
 

I spent a lot of time and money at my primary care and neurologist offices at first, plus I went to Mayo Clinic and saw phaychiatry, neurology, cardiology, etc. All to be told that I’m 100% heathy. I suspect that you will be told the same thing, but I encourage you to do what you need to do to put your mind at ease. 
 

The symptoms can definitely be scary and unsettling and can manifest themselves differently for each individual. I have had similar lower stomach issues that you described, not feeling the sensation to relieve myself, wobbly feeling in my legs, shakiness inside, veritgo, etc, etc. The list can go on ad nauseum. 
 

It’s not encouraging to hear that it may take a very long time to recover, but you will. We all will. Acceptance is difficult, but it eventually helps. I fought it, but once I decided that this is what has happened to me and this is where I am, I feel like I began to find better ways to cope and manage. 

Your body was created to heal itself and it will. 
 

-ghm

[ddubb]

On 5/27/2020 at 6:07 AM, LostRunner said:

thanks @mstimc @Sonia001 and @India - I'll have a listen. 

walking today is more difficult than yesterday, feel like my legs are going to give way soon. thats honestly what it feels like. I now know that my first reaction to citalopram was not normal at all, I was SO anxious and agitated as soon as I took it. that was only on 10mg. and I continued to take it for the week so you can imagine what state I was in by the end. I didn't even recognise my own hand and was having suicidal thoughts (never had them before), not to mention the burning and tremors. I know theres nothing I can do to go back but gosh what a different life id be living now. how can I forgive myself for this. 

Hi @LostRunner,

 

First of all, I want you to know how sorry I am that this has happened to you. As you have unfortunately experienced, these adverse effects are covered up to the point where most psychiatrists will try to give you MORE of the poison that is causing you distress.

 

From my own experience, I can tell you that it’s very important to be kind to yourself during your recovery process. This reaction is not your fault. It takes practice, but it can make the process much easier. Talk to yourself as if you were a small child and tell yourself that it’s ok to feel the way you feel right now.

 

I’ve had multiple negative medication reactions with lasting effects, including severe anxiety/obsession over symptoms, terrible tension in my body to the point of developing small biceps, and a state of derealization and depersonalization that was utter hell- compounded by the fact that I couldn’t get anybody to understand the severity of my distress. My recovery process is ongoing (it’s been several years) and I wonder might have been if I had never been exposed to these terrible chemicals, but I have found meaning in my daily life as a direct result of these experiences. If I hadn’t lost my sense of self (which is mostly back), I wouldn’t have gotten the opportunity to choose who I wanted to be and what I stood for. As a result of my extreme anxiety and dysphoria, I am able to appreciate the ever increasing moments of joy and well-being in my life in ways that average person probably does not.

 

Try not to get stuck on how you “should” feel, and let go of expectations that you will feel the same way you did before your reaction (this is a limiting thought that can actually hinder your process). Be open to new ways of feeling and being. There’s no shortcut to the recovery process. Time takes time. Be kind to yourself and take it one day at a time.

 

Keep us posted.

[LostRunner]

Thank you all for your responses

 

@Altostrata yes they definitely happened after the citalopram. I do believe my walking has changed forever now and thats not me being doom and gloom, I think it's just realistic. I think there are many many symptoms that can get better over time but this definitely feels irreversible. Once these nerves are damaged/malfunctioning theres not a lot that can be done. Is dysautonomia basically the same as withdrawal which may or may not get better over time? 

 

@Artistic1 hi there, thanks for your response! and hope you're doing okay now. yeah i've been there the same as you which is what led me to the medication as well!  unfortunately for me I had such a bad reaction so its given me a whole host of other problems now, which I'm finding difficult to navigate. I'm struggling with how my life has been so badly effected by one week of drugs. 

 

@ghm2018 hello there, thanks for your message I hope you're well on your way to recovery now. When did things start getting better for you? 

 

I have heard of people getting tests done and they are all fine etc. I cannot even imagine that my nerve tests will be okay, I cannot balance properly in my hips/ postural awareness is gone, so I don't get how that would work really (not head/dizziness related). but anyway the test will tell me more hopefully. I've read that the nerves at the lower spine which are constantly pulsing for me are particularly susceptible to nerve damage as they don't have the same protection as other nerves. it makes sense to me as to why they'd be damaged. 

 

I of course do believe that people recover, however I only believe this if certain systems (such as walking/hip instability) are unaffected or minimally so. if my walking was dizziness/fatigue related I'd have more faith as I've seen examples of this getting better and it makes sense as to why it would improve over time. I genuinely haven't seen someone who is experiencing what I am with the imbalance in the hips/shaky lower spine/inability to support myself - I wish it was more common so I could have a bit of hope.

 

@ddubb hello, thanks for your response - yeah I know, my gp was pretty ignorant and told me to carry on. I had a feeling in my gut it wasn't right but I continued (biggest mistake of my life) I just had no idea what damage can be caused in such a short amount of time. no idea what so ever. now after all the research and thinking about it it makes sense to me more than ever. just feel so so dumb now its unbelievable. 

 

You're right the reaction is not my fault, but I had a choice to stop taking them after three days and I didn't, which I believe caused this damage that is most affecting me.

 

Really pleased to hear that you've been making progress, what a great thing to get a better sense of self - it seems to have taken a long time but well done you for pushing through! I genuinely would have so much more faith if I didn't have such huge physical issues. your symptoms seem to be a lot less physical than mine and much more mental. My body is honestly unrecognisable. all my muscle has gone, ive lost so much weight & have lots of loose skin, things feel so different (defs got sensory loss in hands), im so weak, achy, shaky, tremoring and obvs got the walking issues as well. Basically absolutely ruined! This kind of thing doesn't seem reversible. 

 

 

 

[sunnysideup69]

@LostRunner, what's done is done. You can't go back, and you need to learn some techniques to stop those negative ruminations in their tracks. Eg when you catch yourself thinking about how you f'ed up by taking the drugs, you need to mentally say something like 'STOP! to yourself, or say it out loud.

Similarly, when you're fortune telling about never walking normally again etc.

 

I know you don't believe it, but this will all get better in time. 

[ddubb]

7 hours ago, LostRunner said:

your symptoms seem to be a lot less physical than mine and much more mental. My body is honestly unrecognisable. all my muscle has gone, ive lost so much weight & have lots of loose skin, things feel so different (defs got sensory loss in hands), im so weak, achy, shaky, tremoring and obvs got the walking issues as well. Basically absolutely ruined! This kind of thing doesn't seem reversible. 

 

 

 

Hi @LostRunner,

 

I hear that you’re trying to express how distressed you’re feeling, and that you feel that no one is quite understanding you. This is a normal part of early recovery. Most of us on this forum have been through utter hell, and wouldn’t wish it on our worst enemies.

 

You will not feel this way forever. Our bodies replace almost all of their cells every seven years- healing is inevitable. As part of my healing process, I’ve moved away from the physical/mental paradigm and have come to see the body as one unit. Everything was out of whack in my system- my whole body was affected. My coordination was so affected, I could not begin to learn to drive until about 4 years into my healing process.

 

If you don’t mind me asking, what does your diet look like? Are you getting adequate sunlight? What kinds of things are you doing to get your mind off the way you’re feeling at this moment? While it may feel that things will never get better, there are many things you can do to support your healing process. 
 

And know that we’re here to help you get through this. You are not alone.

 

Check out these posts if you haven’t already, especially “windows and waves patterns of stabilization” and “will I feel this way forever?”

 

 

 

[LostRunner]

@ddubb hi there, thank you for your response thats very kind of you. you're right I wouldn't wish it on anyone. I'm annoyed that this is even happening after a week of a stupid drug. I feel very alone unfortunately. sorry I'm doom and gloom.

 

I like the idea of the body being one unit. Healing sounds lovely when you put it like that but I just think I've ruined my nerves - its honestly all the physical symptoms that are getting me down and make it so terrible. my coordination is affected too. like you say, everything. I'm just not feeling positive sorry. I had severe lava like burning all over my body on citalopram so I think this has just damaged my nerves all over my body. hence why I have vibrating legs, tremor in spine, neck/head tremor and jaw tremor and all the weakness too. it just does not mirror any of the other reactions I've seen/heard of. Also I haven't yet experienced a 'window'. its all just a big old wave. 

 

Diet wise I try to be as healthy as possible, I've had to start having smoothies as my appetite has been affected and its the only way I can get nutrients in. otherwise I eat cereal for breakfast, smoothie and always have a dinner of some kind. I do sometimes eat biscuits and sweets which I know I shouldn't do. Also my digestion is terrible at the moment (another indicator of nerve damage) I cant feel my lower stomach anymore and don't get sensations in my tummy, I literally felt it shut off in March. Sounds crazy but true. I try to go for a short walk every day but that depends on how steady I feel. I went on a longer one on Monday but my whole body ached for 2-3 days after. Calves still ache now. Otherwise I spend my time inside and try to occupy myself but lately have spent a lot of time on here - not sure if that's a good thing or not tbh. How were you in the early days? What did you do to occupy yourself? Could you work etc? There's no way I can work at the moment. 

[LostRunner]

Thanks @sunnysideup69 for your positivity. I'm struggling to accept it, how a week of something has ruined my life so much. sorry I'm so miserable. I shouldn't really post I don't know why I do it. I'm not offering anything positive. I do often stop the thoughts but sometimes they are overwhelming and I find myself panicking about everything. hence the crazy posts I guess. I was just so active before. 

 

 

 

[mstimc]

2 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

Thanks @sunnysideup69 for your positivity. I'm struggling to accept it, how a week of something has ruined my life so much. sorry I'm so miserable. I shouldn't really post I don't know why I do it. I'm not offering anything positive. I do often stop the thoughts but sometimes they are overwhelming and I find myself panicking about everything. hence the crazy posts I guess. I was just so active before. 

 

 

 

Lost, its great you recognize the power and danger of catastrophic thinking.  Your posts aren't crazy--its not like you can just shut off the thoughts.  As others have said, give yourself the time and mental space to let your body and mind recover.  There's nothing wrong with checking with other members as long as you take advantage of the wisdom and insight they offer.  

[sunnysideup69]

1 hour ago, LostRunner said:

Thanks @sunnysideup69 for your positivity. I'm struggling to accept it, how a week of something has ruined my life so much. sorry I'm so miserable. I shouldn't really post I don't know why I do it. I'm not offering anything positive. I do often stop the thoughts but sometimes they are overwhelming and I find myself panicking about everything. hence the crazy posts I guess. I was just so active before. 

 

 

 

 

I know, the acceptance part can take a while. I'm not saying don't post, by the way, if it helps to vent then vent....I certainly have on here 😂

 

You ARE going to get better.

 

Can totally understand that your energy is going into posting now....it's been channeled into activity before. 

The misery/ the struggling with overwhelm/ the looping thoughts are all part of withdrawal. If you can, try to wedge that tiny bit of distance between you and them. 

YOu can also start by accepting that you're struggling to accept your current situation. 

Literally you have to keep reminding yourself that this is all iatrogenic, from taking a drug. I wrote myself post it notes to remind myself.

 

You're also going to come through this with an incredible resilience. Honestly.

 

[ddubb]

@LostRunner You’re still very early on in your process, so it’s not unusual for you to be in a long “wave” period right now. My initial “wave” period lasted many months, although I was withdrawing from 4 medications that I had taken for years, including citalopram. I personally coped by smoking copious amounts of marijuana, which I do NOT recommend- that created yet another layer of dependence and withdrawal from hell.
 

In a way, you are fortunate that you only took the drug for a week. It should be much easier for you to recover from one week of taking something than years.

 

My cognitive ability significantly declined- I continued to go to school and work, although my GPA went from a perfect 4.0 to a 2.5, and I only worked two nights a week, extremely stoned (carry-out booth at a restaurant, not exactly rocket science).

 

It’s important to remember that you are very early in your process, and that since you are a unique individual with a unique reaction, you will not find the solution to your problem by constantly browsing this site. Use it for support by all means, but try to get yourself used to doing other activities (cooking a simple meal, watching TV, a walk if you are able). It will help you build new neural connections and disrupt the intense negative thoughts. It’s ok to feel down and feel glum about your future.

 

Sometimes being kind to yourself is as simple as telling yourself it’s ok to feel these things, and to allow yourself to go through your process at your own pace. Accepting how you feel without judgement will be a useful skill in your recovery process. We keep reassuring you that things get better because they do. The body always searches for homeostasis and has an amazing ability to regenerate. People who have strokes learn to walk again- nerve damage is not necessarily permanent.

 

I’m not a doctor *but* seeing as how citalopram influences serotonin levels, which impact digestion, it sounds reasonable that your digestion would be sluggish this early on. Weakness is possibly related to a TEMPORARY change in ability to metabolize glucose and mitochondrial damage (those suckers regenerate). I’d encourage you to look into a ketogenic diet- I started it several months ago and it has helped bring about a whole new level of healing for me (and just so happens to improve insulin sensitivity and boost mitochondrial regeneration).  Happy to share more of your like. There is no magic bullet, and time will be your greatest healer, but it may be worth looking into.

[LostRunner]

@sunnysideup69 thanks. I'm trying to be positive! 

 

@ddubb wow you're body sounds very resilient to be coming off 4 meds and smoking marijuana! I think I'd be dead if I did that. Can't even imagine how my brain would feel! I know on paper it does look fortunate and a bit ridiculous - 1 week of a drug. but it has changed me to an extreme I didn't even know existed! 

 

Again you were very resilient to be going to school and working too. I couldn't possibly work at the moment. I'm so out of it cognitively and balance wise. if I do something like go to the local shop for food I feel absolutely wiped out afterwards and my nerves are firing like crazy. its a crap feeling when a few months ago I wouldn't have thought twice about going. How are you feeling cognitively now? 

 

Yes my digestion hasn't improved since the drug, again had no problems in this area before. I find diets so confusing as everyone seems to have their own take on them. but im always open to hearing about things that have helped people. did you have digestion issues too? in what way do you feel it helped your healing? 

 

[sunnysideup69]

9 hours ago, LostRunner said:

@sunnysideup69 thanks. I'm trying to be positive! 

 

Yes my digestion hasn't improved since the drug, again had no problems in this area before. I find diets so confusing as everyone seems to have their own take on them. but im always open to hearing about things that have helped people. did you have digestion issues too? in what way do you feel it helped your healing? 

 

 

Yeah, definitely had digestion issues from Citalopram and WD. When I came off it last summer, my gut felt a bit wrecked...bloating, dyspepsia, nausea, trouble going to the loo. I felt like peristalsis had stopped happening or was very weak. Sometimes hard to know if I needed to go to the loo. This has healed a lot.

 

I think what you DON'T put in, is probably most important ie caffeine, alcohol, refined sugar. People also say gluten and dairy. Out of that list, I have minimal gluten, maybe once in a while I have a pizza. Dairy; I've personally found that my body works better on minimal dairy, and I have switched to goat's milk/yoghurt, seems easier to digest. Antidepressants ruin your microbiome, so focus on eating lots of prebiotics ie fruit and veggies. I'm more of a veggies person, to be honest. Oily fish twice a week. I also eat plenty of red meat.

 

Also, drink LOTS of water, bottled or filtered. Keep your liver and kidneys flushed out and your brain hydrated. Dehydration makes everything a lot worse.

[ddubb]

@LostRunner Thanks for the kind words- Being injured by what we are told is going to help us is a traumatic and isolating experience- I think it’s cool that you’re reaching out for help and talking about it. I really had to almost start over mentally, and relearn how to do everything med/drug free. It’s been a long road, and I still have a ways to go, but honestly I fought hard to get where I am today. I forced myself to think positively for years (a full time job, believe me) and really learned to listen to my body and mind (perhaps the silver lining of my recovery from medications. I second @sunnysideup69 on the importance of staying hydrated as well as avoiding gluten/dairy/sugar. I need to pay much more attention to diet/positive lifestyle choices than before, as I seem to have become more sensitive. Given that your issue does seem to stem partially from a disruption of your microbiome, I wouldn’t underestimate the importance of this piece. Hope you’re feeling a least a tiny bit better today

[ShiningLight]

On 6/1/2020 at 4:04 AM, LostRunner said:

Thanks @ShiningLight I really related to what you're saying about the support for here and now. looking ahead in this acute state just doesn't compute right now. what a relief that that went away for you. how long were you dealing with those for? were they constant or intermittent? 

 

Good question. I'd almost rather try not to remember! 🤔 The worst of it was from Feb to June of 2019. Some constant and some intermittent symptoms, then slowly faded. Comes and goes now. I had facial tics and tremors, the whole nine yards. It was awful. As Alto said, 3 mos in the time of the brain is not long at all. I expect you'll get better. 

[cleopatra]

I got goosebumps when I read your posts around the time I started taking Sertraline 50 mg and stopped after 5 doses when I figured out that huge damage can be caused by SSRIs around the time I took the 4th dose. I am now happy the doctor told me to stop taking them on the phone after being convinced that he was the reason why I am experiencing withdrawal. Now I know it's an adverse reaction that will definitely heal! I know what you are going through, don't lose hope and let's push through together. I am here for you anytime as a girl friend and a person who lives through the same thing as you. I believe in everyone who replied to you, all that support you got and continue to get is beyond amazing and everyone behind that support is an ANGEL! I wish I was told I am not having withdrawal under my introduction post, this statement is the reason why I have hope.

[cleopatra]

Also, I am 6 weeks in and I don't have any physical symptoms (yet)..., which actually makes me worried that my case is not necessarily an "ADVERSE" reaction! That my brain might not be reorganizing itself and I would have to live with no emotions for the rest of my life.

However, I had windows and somethings (natural) do help, including:

- cold showers (I got a window after one and felt better even before reading they help, so I know my brain isn't fooling me and it was really easy to take one since my sensation is altered).

- Going to a park or a green area (even if you can't run, just sitting there in an open, breezy space has done so much for me). 

 

I hope you get better soon.

Stay positive and stay safe.

[sunnysideup69]

Hey @LostRunner,

How are you doing today?

[LostRunner]

Thanks @cleopatra you're lucky to have stopped after 5 doses,  I wish I had done the same!

 

Hi @sunnysideup69 thanks for asking, not too good unfortunately! hope you are ok

 

I had a nerve test last week - my arms and leg nerves were tested for damage and the Neurologist couldn't find anything wrong, which is good. I do still have the weakness & constant tingling and burning in my legs but he didn't really offer any more advice apart from saying that I should see a rheumatologist. I still have the constant pulsing/grinding sensation in my lower back/pelvis. I'm so bored of it.  So far none of my symptoms have changed. It's really hard to not experience any kind of indication of things getting better. The days and nights are very long and hard to get through.

 

The sensation in my lower spine is really getting me down, its just so uncomfortable, it affects every moment and I have to always be leaning on something if I'm sitting or standing as my back feels unstable and shaky, almost as if it cant hold itself up steady. I feel like I'm rocking constantly and it continues to affect my ability to walk. I cant think what would be causing this horrible sensation. Like I've said before I cant find anyone with something similar either on here or anywhere tbh and the drs just kind of look at me when I describe it as if I'm a bit mad. I want someone just to tell me what it is so I can understand whats going on. I don't know if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could investigate this further? 

[sunnysideup69]

1 minute ago, LostRunner said:

 

I had a nerve test last week - my arms and leg nerves were tested for damage and the Neurologist couldn't find anything wrong, which is good. I do still have the weakness & constant tingling and burning in my legs but he didn't really offer any more advice apart from saying that I should see a rheumatologist. I still have the constant pulsing/grinding sensation in my lower back/pelvis. I'm so bored of it.  So far none of my symptoms have changed. It's really hard to not experience any kind of indication of things getting better. The days and nights are very long and hard to get through.

 

Yes, in the early days it IS a drag getting through it...but you're doing it. 

1 minute ago, LostRunner said:

The sensation in my lower spine is really getting me down, its just so uncomfortable, it affects every moment and I have to always be leaning on something if I'm sitting or standing as my back feels unstable and shaky, almost as if it cant hold itself up steady. I feel like I'm rocking constantly and it continues to affect my ability to walk. 

 

I think there are quite a few people on here who report problems with walking.

 

1 minute ago, LostRunner said:

I want someone just to tell me what it is so I can understand whats going on. I don't know if anyone has any suggestions as to how I could investigate this further? 

 

It's your nervous system repairing itself. I think that's the best anyone can probably say here. I suspect that even if anyone came back with a test you could take, the results would be pretty much as with the neurologist report ie there's 'nothing wrong.' Not that any test can pick up. 

Overall though, your symptoms sound pretty steady...I know that's not the stability you would like but for now it sounds like your 'withdrawal normal.'

How are you, mood wise?

 

I'm ok, thanks. At a steady state of feeling a bit 'blah.' But, after ten months, I've reached the point where I do have good windows and even on a blah day, I tend to feel much better in the evening. 

[LostRunner]

Thanks for your response @sunnysideup69 glad to hear you're experiencing good windows. Hopefully the blah days will get better too. 

 

It really is a drag. A very lonely drag! Out of interest when is it considered not early days? It seems so different for everyone. Do you know if there is a correlation between more physical symptoms and a longer recovery? Can this 'withdrawal normal' just be the state that I live in now. I don't understand what else can be repaired when it's an adverse reaction (i.e not a long time on the drug) and that has caused SO MANY physical issues? (sorry for all the questions just thinking out loud here) 

 

To me, my back/pelvis issue is a drug induced injury that I cant really do much about. It's too severe. I cant even stand or sit upright normally. I find myself hunching over. I had too much citalopram in my system on that final day and it completely overloaded my entire body, I felt it literally running down my spine and burning all over and this is the result! I've had so much muscle and weight loss and I'm experiencing joint popping and pulling whenever I move that I didn't have before, particularly in my knees and hips. I've had a bakers cyst that keeps coming and going in the back of one of my knees. I look terrible and feel really old! 

 

I did ask the neurologist if there was a way to test these nerves and he said he had tested them by testing the nerves in my legs and hips (guessing as they are all connected? I don't really know). I've seen people talk about dizziness and unsteady gait but not the constant grinding/pulsing/weakness that occurs sitting or moving. It wakes me up at night. Added to this I have pretty much constant pulsing in my torso and get heart palpitations for hours in the day. As you can imagine its just all really uncomfortable. I get this when I'm calmly sitting or doing things and I just let it pulse away for hours. it's not like I'm running around panicking. 

 

I know that no-one can diagnose me on here, surely there's something that can show this motion or what is moving? obviously im not a doctor all I know is how it feels. For example I know its my lower back and pelvis but its really hard to pinpoint where the problem actually is. Mood wise I'm just fed up with all the physical stuff really and just cant believe what my life is now I guess. Due to the nature of my symptoms I'm not really hopeful that it will get better. I definitely would be if it wasn't for the back issue. Sorry for the relentless moaning and essay here. I am (was) actually a positive person and can see positives in situations but in this one its all so bleak. my body is honestly broken! 

[heedinghealth]

Hello Lost Runner,

I’m sorry to hear what you are going through.  If you started taking the BENZO, I’d HIGHLY encourage you to research this drug.  It should NEVER be prescribed for more than 2-4 weeks and, even then, your body can become addicted to it.  It has nothing to do with being an addict, your brain chemistry is changed by this drug and it can only cause lots of health problems.  I’m curious as to if the doctor had you sign an informed consent about Benzos? Did he/she inform you that your name will now be on a controlled substance registry?

PLEASE, PLEASE, educate yourself.  I’m been through a horrible year just tapering off a Benzo and even though I’m off, the W/D symptoms could go on for years. Doctors hand out these prescriptions like candy (30% increase since COVID) and will tell you they are “safe.” FURTHEST from the truth.

I’m not trying to scare anyone, but if one person can benefit from my pain, than it’s worth it! 

[LostRunner]

hi @heedinghealth Im not on a benzo. I only took citalopram for a week in February. not on any other medication 

[heedinghealth]

My apologies, perhaps it’s my Benzo brain that caused me to think I read you were prescribed one!  Be well! 
(I see the word Benzo, and it just triggers me...sorry) 

[sunnysideup69]

37 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

Thanks for your response @sunnysideup69 glad to hear you're experiencing good windows. Hopefully the blah days will get better too. 

 

It really is a drag. A very lonely drag! Out of interest when is it considered not early days? It seems so different for everyone. Do you know if there is a correlation between more physical symptoms and a longer recovery? Can this 'withdrawal normal' just be the state that I live in now. I don't understand what else can be repaired when it's an adverse reaction (i.e not a long time on the drug) and that has caused SO MANY physical issues? (sorry for all the questions just thinking out loud here) 

 

I know that no-one can diagnose me on here, surely there's something that can show this motion or what is moving? obviously im not a doctor all I know is how it feels. For example I know its my lower back and pelvis but its really hard to pinpoint where the problem actually is. Mood wise I'm just fed up with all the physical stuff really and just cant believe what my life is now I guess. Due to the nature of my symptoms I'm not really hopeful that it will get better. I definitely would be if it wasn't for the back issue. Sorry for the relentless moaning and essay here. I am (was) actually a positive person and can see positives in situations but in this one its all so bleak. my body is honestly broken! 

 

Well, I'm not a moderator and have only been here for a year, unlike lots of people here....so they may disagree with my 'early days' version. They have a better overview of what might constitute a short/ average/ longer recovery time by virtue of the fact that they have seen thousands of examples.

For myself, in my own situation, I'm kind of thinking up to a year is quite early on in recovery terms. It's true that some people do take less time....and some, more time.

Have you read brass monkeys topics about how long is recovery going to take??

[mstimc]

Lost, now you know you have no nerve damage.  Other members have shared similar symptoms.  A  few posts ago, you said you'd accept positive medical results and move on toward recovery.  Are you ready to do that?

[LostRunner]

@heedinghealth no worries at all! I understand the response do not worry! It's very sweet of you to show concern. 

 

@sunnysideup69  hiya yeah I've seen for adverse reaction its says anything from 3-18 months. So crazy to me still! I do think a year is a good way to look at things, one would hope at least that something positive would have happened in that time! do you feel confident that you're healing despite the general blah feeling? 

 

@mstimc hello! Of course I was pleased when he said there wasn't any nerve damage and I hope I can recover. Do you understand why I'd want to know more about the constant pulsing/crunching feeling? - I cant tell you how intrusive it is to every moment of the day, its sooo uncomfortable and impacts my quality of life so much. It would be nice to know what it is. The pulsing builds up in my torso and feels so tight I cant describe it. I haven't spoke to anyone else with the same sensation yet! It's crazy, if a normal person was feeling this then they'd be straight in A&E and probably thinking they were dying. I did actually go to A&E in March I think when this really started properly (didn't know what was going on) and it was less extreme then.. its certainly ramped up in severity now but all I can do is just let it happen.. I have no idea if it will stop or not 

 

Also in terms of moving toward recovery.. at the moment I'm limited in terms of what I can physically do so its just about getting through the days and walking when I can etc.. I don't know what else there is I can do. 

 

[sunnysideup69]

9 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

 

 

@sunnysideup69  hiya yeah I've seen for adverse reaction its says anything from 3-18 months. So crazy to me still! I do think a year is a good way to look at things, one would hope at least that something positive would have happened in that time! do you feel confident that you're healing despite the general blah feeling?  

 

 

Yeah, I do. I'm in a better place than I was this time last year. My waves are definitely milder and more tolerable and I have much longer stretches of feeling okay. Unfortunately, today is a bit crap, but these days are getting less.

Plus of course, we are dealing with the general weirdness of lockdown at the moment.I'm most likely not going to set foot inside work again until September (I'm a teacher), which has added to the oddness. I have found as I've recovered that work helps me to regain some 'normality.'

[LostRunner]

@sunnysideup69 Thats really good, to actually see that shift. It doesn't half take a long time though. I understand that, I'd love to work again. Lockdown easing has made me feel anxious about people returning to normal and the feeling of being left behind. London has had such lovely weather recently and everyone seems to be out enjoying themselves and reconnecting. I can't help but want to be a part of that. Seems so pointless to be dealing with all this after a week on a stupid drug. I had such a blip by even trying the medication in the first place. I didn't need it at all, just needed a bit of counselling. 

 

I was actually in the process of trying out teaching before all this happened and then I got very ill with this and then Corona happened, not that I could have done anything. I was going to do some days in a school to just test it out. I can barely manage taking to two people at a time right now let alone a classroom full of kids. Its so frustrating! I wasn't like this before. Sorry you're having a crap day today - maybe you shouldn't be talking to me anymore though. I'm hardly little miss sunshine right now! 

[sunnysideup69]

26 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

Sorry you're having a crap day today - maybe you shouldn't be talking to me anymore though. I'm hardly little miss sunshine right now! 

 

😂❤️ You're good- it's just a weird day for me.

Yeah, I got anxious about not especially feeling like rushing out there to meet people. And comparing myself to people who can. It's going to be slowly out of lockdown, for me.

 

Ah, so you were volunteering in school? Well, that's something to aim for...in the future. Remind me again, are you living alone/ with family? For me, the isolation of lockdown has been tough and has definitely spiked symptoms.I live alone so have to make an effort to see people....and obviously haven't been able to since March 21st. What a weird three months.

[LostRunner]

Yeah exactly! I'm staying away from social media at the moment. it's amazing how differently you see things when you're unwell. I was just about to volunteer, it was getting set up but then corona happened and also thats when all these symptoms started too. I'd finished the citalopram a couple of weeks before and was trying to get my life sorted but then boom this all started. It's something I hope to still do. I was really looking forward to it. I'm living with parents and boyfriend at the moment. I couldn't imagine living alone right now. You've done really well to get through it!! They've said just in general that mental health has really nose dived and I can completely see why 

[sunnysideup69]

@LostRunner, it's good you're not alone.

Thanks, it's been a bit of a slog, trudging through this. I agree, I can totally see why people's mental health has nosedived....you're also doing well. Adverse reactions/ antideps going weird on us, it's a hard thing to cope with. That's an understatement. Gotta just try to keep looking forward.

 

[LostRunner]

Thanks @sunnysideup69 

I really fear it will be years until I recover. I just did a short walk around my garden and it was horrible. could barely manage it

[sunnysideup69]

Just now, LostRunner said:

Thanks @sunnysideup69 

I really fear it will be years until I recover. I just did a short walk around my garden and it was horrible. could barely manage it

Sorry it's so difficult, but recovery will come. You have to settle in for the ride. It's actually really good that you managed it at all. Were you a runner before all of this...am wondering from your name? 

[LostRunner]

yes I was. I used to run 2-3 times a week, that seems like another life now.