LostRunner: took citalopram for 7 days - feel terrible 7 weeks later

[sunnysideup69]

18 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

yes I was. I used to run 2-3 times a week, that seems like another life now. 

 

It'll come back. You're still a runner, you're just taking an extended break  I've actually stopped running over the last two months , went through bereavements in April and then decided I needed to be gentler on my nervous system.

[LostRunner]

Hi me again.. 

 

Sorry I'm going to be moaning again and asking for some advice. So I haven't had any improvement so far in my physical symptoms. Every day is the same and I'm really limited in what I can do, which is getting me down. 

 

I spend a lot of the day sitting in bed but make sure I get up often to go for walks around the garden and get some air. I spent some more time outside earlier this week playing catch and things but I've had really bad muscle aches in my legs since as if I've really overdone it when in reality I've not done much at all! I've been having epsom Salt baths at night and just started using a magnesium spray. Walking is difficult in that my pelvis feels unstable, I sway when I try to stand still and my legs are very heavy and vibrating. I can't stand for long. Of course I still have the constant movement in my lower back when I sit down as well. it feel as if the nerves are misfiring constantly resulting in this grinding feeling in my back. I'd like to get this looked into more but don't know where to go. My GP isnt really interested in helping me. My life is limited and i don't know how to make it better. Do walking issues like mine even get better? As I've said previously, it feels like it goes beyond a 'normal' symptom.  

 

I'm constantly aware of my heart as well. It pulses so strongly in my chest, not necessarily always fast it's just there thudding away and feels tight. My body feels so alien to me. My skin has changed too, its very flaccid and saggy like the collagen has just gone or I've just had 4 babies (I'm 30 years old, no babies) can anyone relate?

 

My stomach also just doesn't work. I have no sensations in it. I don't feel hunger like I did and can't contract my muscles. Maybe this is also whats causing the pelvis instability I don't know. I'm also always thirsty.

 

I'm so bored of talking about symptoms and feeling down but they are also restricting me so much so its difficult. I want to be able to make progress but how can I when I can't even go out anywhere. I know I've caused the severity of these symptoms through taking the drug for too long. It's a hard thing to constantly be reminded of! Can people really recover from poisoning themselves so badly? 

 

I think I'll have to come to terms with the fact that some of this is likely to be permanent. My body just cannot do what it used to do. I can't move it the way I want to. 

[Gridley]

@LostRunner

 

I'm sorry you're feeling so bad, LostRunner.  

 

1 hour ago, LostRunner said:

Do walking issues like mine even get better? As I've said previously, it feels like it goes beyond a 'normal' symptom.  

 

 

Adverse reaction symptoms, like the withdrawal symptoms they resemble, do get better. The adverse reaction threw your system into chaos and now it has to find its way back.  It's very good that you're getting out and about a bit.  That at least keeps your muscles from atrophy.

 

I know your symptoms are more varied than pain, but perhaps you'll find something helpful in this link.

 

Non-drug techniques for dealing with body pain

[Altostrata]

Have any of your symptoms gotten better over the last 6 weeks?

 

You had the drug mishap only in February. When we say recovery is slow, we mean slow. Months, not weeks.

[LostRunner]

Thanks @Gridley I hope I can some improvements soon. I think some of them getting better is a bit wishful thinking. I'm just so frustrated, but I imagine everyone on here is! I want to be working and back being a person again and socialising. Its crazy as every system in my body isn't really working right at the moment (still don't have periods either for example) so it really is in complete chaos! it's fascinating to me how it can even come back?!

 

Hello @Altostrata I wish I could say they have! I think I'm getting better at not freaking out all the time and I'm more able to self soothe at nighttime. Otherwise I'd say they're consistent at the moment. I was getting more Akathisia type episodes a few weeks ago, extreme restlessness and pacing and I haven't had them lately (I'm scared to even mention that word through fear of it coming back) I feel like my whole body is constantly pulsing in one way or another. its horrible. Every part of me is quite dysfunctional that I don't even know where to look in terms of drs and tests and things. The walking is my most upsetting symptom I'd say. 

[Altostrata]

46 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

I was getting more Akathisia type episodes a few weeks ago, extreme restlessness and pacing and I haven't had them lately

 

This is an improvement. Please be patient, allow healing to move along slowly, as it will.

[rupa]

10 hours ago, LostRunner said:

Hi me again.. 

 

Sorry I'm going to be moaning again and asking for some advice. So I haven't had any improvement so far in my physical symptoms. Every day is the same and I'm really limited in what I can do, which is getting me down. 

 

I spend a lot of the day sitting in bed but make sure I get up often to go for walks around the garden and get some air. I spent some more time outside earlier this week playing catch and things but I've had really bad muscle aches in my legs since as if I've really overdone it when in reality I've not done much at all! I've been having epsom Salt baths at night and just started using a magnesium spray. Walking is difficult in that my pelvis feels unstable, I sway when I try to stand still and my legs are very heavy and vibrating. I can't stand for long. Of course I still have the constant movement in my lower back when I sit down as well. it feel as if the nerves are misfiring constantly resulting in this grinding feeling in my back. I'd like to get this looked into more but don't know where to go. My GP isnt really interested in helping me. My life is limited and i don't know how to make it better. Do walking issues like mine even get better? As I've said previously, it feels like it goes beyond a 'normal' symptom.  

 

I'm constantly aware of my heart as well. It pulses so strongly in my chest, not necessarily always fast it's just there thudding away and feels tight. My body feels so alien to me. My skin has changed too, its very flaccid and saggy like the collagen has just gone or I've just had 4 babies (I'm 30 years old, no babies) can anyone relate?

 

My stomach also just doesn't work. I have no sensations in it. I don't feel hunger like I did and can't contract my muscles. Maybe this is also whats causing the pelvis instability I don't know. I'm also always thirsty.

 

I'm so bored of talking about symptoms and feeling down but they are also restricting me so much so its difficult. I want to be able to make progress but how can I when I can't even go out anywhere. I know I've caused the severity of these symptoms through taking the drug for too long. It's a hard thing to constantly be reminded of! Can people really recover from poisoning themselves so badly? 

 

I think I'll have to come to terms with the fact that some of this is likely to be permanent. My body just cannot do what it used to do. I can't move it the way I want to. 

Lost Runner

You have used these so called medications , only a week.

Chances are very high, you would recover within 4 years.

I remember, My brain was prompting to walk 24/7 non stop and I did as it say, walking within the basket ball premises and in the home at nights.

I could only eat curds with soft rice while walking.

All my body's vitamins got evaporated.

After recovery I got my blood picture tested and used vitamins accordingly.

It's exact 4 years since my life became miserable.

Now I am sleeping deep all the night 9 pm to 6 am

Waking up with just pleasant kind of dreams.That too getting dream rare, when sleep is too deep.

Noticed , curds mixing with water and savouring often helping alot.

So please be hopeful that time heals everything.

 

[LostRunner]

Thank you @rupa wow 4 years, I can't imagine! I'm so pleased that your sleep returned. it must have felt beyond incredible to sleep through the night again. Thanks for sharing your story! 

[Usha]

@LostRunner I can very well relate with youm I can just give you the hope that all will be well in the end. I know how frustrating it is.

[LostRunner]

Hello I've just had some hormone tests done as I haven't had a period since taking Citalopram and I've never had period problems before. It's come back not normal as my Prolactin is low which im guessing is the reason for the lack of periods. Is this something that other people have experienced? I'm terrified that im infertile now all because of a week of citalopram its ridiculous. Can these things change on their own or will I need treatment? All my other symptoms remain the same. 

[keogh08]

Hi lost

 

Having a quick look online it doesnt say being low in this particular hormone causes problems with conceiving. It does mention dopamine though which we know has problems following a reaction, with that said this all gets back to normal so I wouldn't worry too much about it. 

 

I personally know how upsetting it is doubting whether you will ever conceive, but as we know people fully recover from adverse reactions so there is no reason add more worries and anxiety to the mix.

 

Have you seen any improvements in your symptoms?

 

[LostRunner]

hello @keogh08 how are you doing?

 

No, no change really. just always feel unwell and uncomfortable. nothing has me feel hopeful yet! Its constant symptoms and has been 5 months. I dont have a life at all. I think the feeling in my spine is more of a tremor which is in my legs too. Walking is hard. I dont know if im going to recover as physically I am wrecked! Im not sure its actually possible. I'm pretty sure I had seratonin syndrome which never got treated as my dr wasn't listening to me. no idea what to do with myself tbh! 

[Hopela]

Hey LostRunner,

Are you able to get any workout at all? Anything might be better than nothing. Like 5 squats, 4 lunges, 2 pushups. Repeat as long as entertaining and safe! (1 time, 2 times in a few days if no adverse reaction? ...)

Are you still having the anxiety that made you seek the GP who gave you the drug? Resolving old or new anxiety and finding as much calmness as possible without drugs may be good for recovery.

Would it be possible that your anxiety stemmed from something not feeling right in your CNS already back then and it just getting kick started with the drug? You mention you think you had serotonin syndrom, had you used any other drug of any sort prior to that which might have caused it? Perhaps taking a step back and widening your search for causes testing for vitamins, minerals and what ever more reasonable test is available (now you've checked hormones, findings could be not just a result but also a cause) could give a clue to there being some other underlying cause than just the citalopram curerntly and thereby finding more treatment options. Although be careful they dont sell you more invasive harmful stuff. 

 

[sunnysideup69]

Hello @LostRunner, just checking in that you're surviving.

I haven't been running since 1st June. Decided to knock it on the head for a while because I know it increases cortisol... just been walking instead. How are your legs and movement going? 

[LostRunner]

hi @sunnysideup69 thanks for checking in. hope you're okay!

nothing new to report unfortunately! im still pretty debilitated and finding things very difficult indeed! all the pulsings are 24/7 and seen a couple of neurologist they just all suggest is psychological and want to give me meds etc. its very frustrating! I cant imagine how this is ever going to stop. its affecting my spine so I dont hold much hope. its such a random thing to have happened every day I cant really believe it! I guess its not random in that I took a load of drugs but I never in a million years thought It could do this to my back and walking. I cant live a life at all its horrendous tbh. I'm potentially seeing a toxicologist soon but dont know if they'll be able to do anything. I'm assuming not but I guess hes interested in my case and what's happened. its super hard not to get super depressed. to think I was just anxious before this as well, does my head in! I dont like writing on here as its just me moaning. hope you're enjoying life x

[sunnysideup69]

It seems such a crazy outcome, I know. Are you able to do any exercise at all, even a few steps around the garden, down the road etc?

[LostRunner]

Yep I’m able to walk some days better than others. I can walk some days for hours (when I’m particularly agitated) but I’m always conscious of them and they throb/ feel drunk afterwards. Legs are heavy all the time and jelly like. Lower back/hips are also heavy and hips wobble. No idea what’s gone on and no doctor seems to know either/they tell me it’s psychological! But funny how I never had these issues before the drug!! Not sure what I can do really 

[sunnysideup69]

5 hours ago, LostRunner said:

Yep I’m able to walk some days better than others. I can walk some days for hours (when I’m particularly agitated) but I’m always conscious of them and they throb/ feel drunk afterwards. Legs are heavy all the time and jelly like. Lower back/hips are also heavy and hips wobble. No idea what’s gone on and no doctor seems to know either/they tell me it’s psychological! But funny how I never had these issues before the drug!! Not sure what I can do really 

Wow! That's an improvement. Without scrolling back through your thread, don't I recall you saying you couldn't walk much in the beginning?

I can very much relate to the jelly legs. Also to the agitation, that's part of a wave for me. Had the jelly legs a lot when I did a drug switchover last summer.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Really hoping those around you are supportive, too. 

I'm doing ok, thanks for asking. I've seen some improvement since May, although the waves also keep rolling in...although they have lessened in their severity. On a good day, I feel pretty normal and sociable and that is a relief. Keeps me hanging in there. This is a slow journey indeed, I get impatient because I want to be steady enough to begin a taper off, but need to wait a bit longer.

Sending good wishes your way for your full recovery 😊

[Lastisland]

Lostrunner. I am also going through the same off balance throbbing and difficulty walking sensations after adverse reaction to Lexapro. How are you doing now? I can remember in the distant past when an lexapro gave me same adverse reaction and same symptoms. I was recovered after a long time. But I did not know at that time that it all was due to lexapro adverse reaction. I was very sick for a year. Then I spend 10 years of my life fully functional until recently when i took lexapro again (only after taking lexapro i realised the hell i went through was due to this... how funny) be hopeful. This will not last very long

[composter]

@Lastisland

 

Welcome to SA. We ask that you create an Introductions topic for yourself so that we can get to know you and you can receive support from other SA members. Thank you!

[LostRunner]

Nearly 7 month update: 

 

Finding it really really hard to keep positive. My body still feels ruined and I can’t see how I’ll get function back when it’s this bad still. My back pulsing 24/7 is a never ending nightmare and one I cannot escape from. I can’t do what I want to do or move my body the way I want to. When I can muster the strength I’m able to  walk around for a while to just ‘do’ something but i feel like I’m in someone else’s body trying to put one foot in front of the other with no real aim or purpose, just to get through another day. It’s no way to live and it has nearly been 7 months. 

 

I think I’m pretty bad for an adverse reaction and I still find it hard not to punish myself for ever taking the drug. Its really hard not to when it’s done so much damage and caused so much suffering, not just to me but to my family too. I hate feeling sorry for myself, it’s not good and people quite rightly get bored of it quickly. They’re really bored of it now. So yeah I’m very self involved.. how can you get out your own suffering when it’s so acute? It’s so difficult to do! It makes me useless in terms of being a good girlfriend, sister, daughter. I think I could really be better if the physical stuff wasn’t a constant jabbing in my back and tightness and pulsings in my chest, constant weird heartbeat etc. My family think I’m making excuses but really it’s SO intense. Sorry.. moan moan moan. 

[LostRunner]

Hello 

 

Is it 'normal' to still have such acute symptoms 7 months out after an adverse reaction?

my spine and pelvis still vibrate 24/7 and my legs are weak/heavy and I don't have full control of them  its so devastating I have no life. 

 

I feel completely separated from reality, every day is so so difficult and i'm really scared about the future. I don't understand how I fit into the world anymore. 

[ChessieCat]

  

On 7/6/2020 at 5:42 AM, brassmonkey said:

But I only took it for a Week

(6)

 

I think that some of the most unfortunate members we have are the ones who only took the drug for a short time and had a severe Adverse Reaction. Over the years I’ve seen a number of members join who have taken their drugs for one day to a week and then stopped.  They suffer acute symptoms that hit immediately and hard.  Some people’s chemical makeup just isn’t compatible with psych drugs and their body immediately tries to reject them, but in doing so throws itself into chaos.

 

The good news is that their body will sort itself out and they will return to normal.  While this is recovery from a severe adverse reaction and not withdrawal syndrome, the bad news is the post-discontinuation symptoms are a lot like post- acute withdrawal syndrome (PAWS), and it’s going to take a long time and there is nothing that will speed up the process.  There are some coping strategies and tools that will help you endure the experience, but time is the only thing that will cure it, and it will take months rather than weeks.

 

These people tend to have a more linear recovery than those with true withdrawal syndrome. The first several months may be more intense.  Then, like PAWS, things start to improve very slowly. Eventually, normal life resumes and get back on track.  All the members I have known with this immediate Adverse Reaction have made full recoveries and gone on to normal lives and careers.

 

There is a variation to this theme and that is the ones who have taken the drug for a month or two.  They didn’t have the immediate Adverse Reaction, but the drug is not treating them well and they decide to stop taking it because of the way it makes them feel. Because they have only been on the drug for a short time and with their doctor’s encouragement, they stop the drug cold turkey.  This might throw them into a more typical withdrawal syndrome and a whole carousel of doctor’s visits and new drugs.

 

For those people who find themselves in this situation, it’s sometimes possible to do a quick taper over a few months.  This is an iffy proposition, as their nervous system may have become adapted to the drug during that short period.  Sometimes a fast taper works in their situation and sometimes it doesn’t.  Unfortunately, if you get withdrawal symptoms, you’ll know it was too fast.

 

Psych drugs work by making physical changes to the body, affecting every system and every cell.  They start to make these changes from the first dose and by the end of the first month they may have been quite successful. Studies show that people on the drug for only a month are at risk of withdrawal symptoms. The upshot being that even after only one or two months a proper, slow 10% taper is required. Yes, that means that you will be tapering the drug for longer than you took them originally.  But those changes, that were quick to happen, require a lot of time to sort out and undo without causing undue symptoms.

 

 

[Cigale]

Hello @LostRunner - I am thinking of you and want to send my support. My situation is completely different from yours, but I am not able to run or ride my bike like I could before. And these were my therapies and social outlets. It has been so challenging to try and build a new approach to daily life. But I believe that we will both heal with time. Sending healing hugs your way - Cigale

[LostRunner]

Thank you @Cigale for your kind support! I hope you are doing okay. You’re right, running/exercise is such a release it’s so hard when you can’t do it. I hope it returns for you too.. I didn’t realise until now how like a therapy it was to me. Walking around the block just doesn’t have the same effect!

[NoMoreLexapro]

8 hours ago, ChessieCat said:

  

 

I’m the variation you describe- 66 days on lexapro, wd for 6.5 mths so far and over 65 side effects. 

[LostRunner]

I'm really struggling.

 

How do you keep in touch with reality when your own reality i.e your body and your mind feels completely ruined and unrecognisable?

 

I don't get it. I don't get windows. I don't get glimmers of anything that is familiar to me. How do you stay sane?

 

I do the same thing every day. I go out for walks when I can, even though they are uncomfortable and I feel spaced out. I talk to Baylissa and a counsellor and I talk to my family and boyfriend. I cry a lot and feel so guilty for what I'm putting everyone through. I go to sleep and then the day repeats again. I can't watch things easily or read, I just use the tv for background noise. I can't function or be a support to anyone or have a job. These are things that I could do in the past so easily which I took for granted. I don't understand how the damage can possibly reverse at all. My Dr who put me on the drug thinks this is all psychosomatic. I never had any of these issues before the drug. 

 

I've started acceptance therapy and it's so difficult. A lot of it is to do with listening to your body and detaching from negative thoughts/beliefs etc. My body is vibrating/pulsing all the time so its quite uncomfortable to be still and reflective. I've been told with practice this will get easier to do. I worry a lot about the future and struggle to understand how I could possibly live the rest of my life in this state and be of benefit to anyone. 

[mstimc]

Hi Lost

 

Your experience is very similar to mine during WD.  I worked because I had to support my family, but every day was a struggle.  I'd spend the drive to work praying nothing bad would happen, then at work I'd cringe when the phone rang or I got an email, thinking I'd made a terrible mistake, and on the way home I'd give thanks for getting through one more day, but afraid of what the next day would bring.  When I got home, I couldn't wait for bedtime to I cold get some peace.  I also worked on acceptance therapy as part of CBT, but it never seemed to work.   This went on for many, many months.

 

Eventually, the therapy began to take hold and I could see I was creating my own fearful reality, that had no attachment to the real world.  I think I also reached a point where I was just so emotionally exhausted I had to stop continuously worrying about everything.   You can recover; there is no set time for it to begin but it will come.   You won't live the rest of your life like this; you will get better given enough time. Keep reminding yourself of that, even if you don't believe it right now.

[LostRunner]

Thank you @mstimc for the reassurance. Did you deal with physical symptoms as well? 

[mstimc]

1 hour ago, LostRunner said:

Thank you @mstimc for the reassurance. Did you deal with physical symptoms as well? 

 Where do I start?!? Insomnia, teeth grinding (eventually had to have four teeth pulled because they were cracked), neck and shoulder pain, TMJ, hyper-sensitive to any anomaly in routine physical blood tests.   Not to mention the somatic symptoms, thinking I had everything from a brain tumor to arthritis. I learned that if you think about a symptom hard enough, it'll match your worse fears.

Edited September 11, 2020 by mstimc

[LostRunner]

@mstimc Not being able to walk normally and the fact I can’t exercise/run has been so scary and hard to come to terms with. It’s definitely one of my worst fears coming true! 

[treadingwater]

@LostRunner If you can’t walk/run, maybe look into a spin bike. I have a Peloton and love it. You can go as easy or as hard as you’re comfortable with. I ride 5-6 times a week and it’s reassuring to see my progress. I tried to stay above the bottom 10% on the leaderboard when I first got the bike. I did a ride this morning and was at the 82nd percentile :)  My balance is still off so the bike is a perfect workout.  There are days my brain/inner voice tells me I can’t do it. I’ve learned to ignore it because it’s obviously not matched with my physical reality. So I definitely think it’s helped me fight that mental doubt. 

[LostRunner]

Thanks @treadingwater something to look into in future. Glad you found something that works for you and you’ve noticed progress. I can only hope I can progress too ☹️ The pressure in my lower spine/hips is pretty intense and legs are super heavy still. Just no let up at all. Think I’m done for tbh. 

[mstimc]

13 hours ago, LostRunner said:

Not being able to walk normally and the fact I can’t exercise/run has been so scary and hard to come to terms with. It’s definitely one of my worst fears coming true!

 

1 hour ago, LostRunner said:

. I can only hope I can progress too ☹️ The pressure in my lower spine/hips is pretty intense and legs are super heavy still. Just no let up at all. Think I’m done for tbh. 

 

Hi Lost

 

As you said earlier, you are creating your own reality.  Speaking from experience, you are basing your recovery and happiness on the "only ifs."  I went through the same thing.  "I could be happy only if I wasn't afraid of being fired. or only if I didn't have any pain."  I'm actually going though this now.  I've been diagnosed with chronic abdominal pain syndrome, which is a fancy way of saying I have a persistent muscle or ligament strain  that's a consequence of an untreated injury when I was younger.  It causes a lot of muscle tension and spasms that can really hurt.  And it takes a very long time to go away.  I wake up in pain almost every day.  But my wife and I go for a 90-minute walk almost every morning, and as I get on with my day, the pain decreases.  When I focus on it, it gets worse. 

 

The anxious mind needs something to focus its energy on; in this case its your back and hips, which are common spots for anxiety-based pain.  I'm not saying your pain isn't real--quite the opposite.  The mind and body are linked, and when one is out of balance, the other will follow.  But if you resolve your back issues, I can almost guarantee your anxiety will want to find something else.  I can think of several times in my WD when I literally would resolve one physical issue and start looking for another almost immediately.

 

I think you'd really benefit from working on your anxiety issues first and then you'll find you'll be be able to address your physical symptoms much better.  I know it all seems overwhelming right now and it seems the best you can do is exist from one day to the next.  But as others have said, you can and will recover.

[LostRunner]

Thanks @mstimc I hope your abdominal pain gets easier to deal with! My back and walking issues have been caused by the drug reaction I had so it’s very hard to know if this will or has the ability to get better. I would feel OVERJOYED if my back issues resolved and I could walk easily again. Any anxiety i struggled with previously feels like NOTHING compared to this. Literally nothing. It was just the “normal” anxiety issues like jobs and worrying where you are in life etc. This in comparison is total hell. Health really is the most important thing on Earth. I’m truly not looking for physical issues here. Im broken from this. 

[mstimc]

3 minutes ago, LostRunner said:

Thanks @mstimc I hope your abdominal pain gets easier to deal with! My back and walking issues have been caused by the drug reaction I had so it’s very hard to know if this will or has the ability to get better. I would feel OVERJOYED if my back issues resolved and I could walk easily again. Any anxiety i struggled with previously feels like NOTHING compared to this. Literally nothing. It was just the “normal” anxiety issues like jobs and worrying where you are in life etc. This in comparison is total hell. Health really is the most important thing on Earth. I’m truly not looking for physical issues here. Im broken from this. 

I understand, Lost. it can be totally demoralizing, especially if you were active before.  I really do believe your back issues will get better, especially since you've had your systemic issues checked and they were okay.  Just keep in mind that your thoughts and physical well-being are linked.  I don't like the term "psychosomatic" because its patronizing and just reinforces the "its all in your head" myth, which just makes it worse because it makes you feel weak for not "getting over it."  Just think in terms of recovering in both mind and body instead of one or the other.