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Dissociating / disconnecting to cope?


Barbarannamated
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I think I'm dissociating/disconnecting to cope with enormous stressors that I haven't been able to discuss yet. One new one as of this week is my mother having emergency surgery back in PA. A family friend let me know. My drug addict sister has been calling nonstop, a cousin trying to catch me with instant messaging, and a high school friend (whose nephew is marrying my cousin's daughter) texting me.

I can't connect the places in my mind. I shut down. Very difficult to explain. I haven't talked to them in a year or so. It's not that I'm choosing to not talk to my mother; I CAN'T. When I try to think about it, I check out mentally.

 

It may help to know that for many years, anytime I've visited my family, she spent most time in bed, extremely unhappy, worrying about sister, etc. Very isolated. I managed to get her up and outside occasionally on my yearly visits, but the last time I was there, I got so down that I stayed in my bed there. There is a haunting component to this story.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I think I'm dissociating/disconnecting to cope with enormous stressors that I haven't been able to discuss yet. One new one as of this week is my mother having emergency surgery back in PA. A family friend let me know. My drug addict sister has been calling nonstop, a cousin trying to catch me with instant messaging, and a high school friend (whose nephew is marrying my cousin's daughter) texting me.

I can't connect the places in my mind. I shut down. Very difficult to explain. I haven't talked to them in a year or so. It's not that I'm choosing to not talk to my mother; I CAN'T. When I try to think about it, I check out mentally.

 

Barb, cut yourself as much slack as you need. Sometimes things just get bigger than we are, and it's okay to bail. Emotionally, physically.. in whatever way works. If you are disconnecting from your feelings, it's what you have to do. No harm, no foul, just being human. Externalize, picture a violent storm, only you are inside and protected, in a secure place.. ~s

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Thanks, Schuyler. I need to hear that because the guilt monster in my head is quite loud. In addition to the 'friends' saying 'what if this is the last time you get to talk to her?' GEE, I hadn't thought of that...

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Thanks, Schuyler. I need to hear that because the guilt monster in my head is quite loud. In addition to the 'friends' saying 'what if this is the last time you get to talk to her?' GEE, I hadn't thought of that...

 

Pull the guilt plug, it does NOT apply. You have more on your plate than you can deal with. Give yourself some time to process what you need to cope, and take the pressure off in the meantime. You are not responsible for giving more than you have.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Hi Barb,

 

I think this disconnection/disassociation when under stress is part of how our bodies protect us mentally.

We shut down in order to survive and get through, there will come a time when we are able to handle and deal with things like this in a more normal, appropriate way, much as we always did

prior to being medicated.

Dont beat yourself up for not being able to do this just yet, I know its hard, we all want to be able to, but right now its not possible, we have to give our bodies the time it needs

to repair from what its been through, this is NOT your fault, your body is doing what it needs to do, and right now that is to protect itself from external stressors, its stressed enough,

your doing great!!! and in time will do loads better im sure.

Began taking 30mg Seroxat on 15th Jan 1997 for grief issues. Remained at that dosage until Dec 05, did doctor ct, akathesia set in along with being non functional and overly emotional, brain fog. Doctor prescribed prozac, propranelol and diazeapam to counteract side effects, and told me to ct those 3 after 2.5/3 months use, induced wd seizure on 2nd day after ct. Was reinstated on seroxat 20mg in april 06, remained at that dose until Nov 07 and began a very slow taper lasting 56 months, finally DRUG FREE on 11th may 2011.

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Hi Barb. Since I'm into some Buddhism and Taoism, I have learned that detachment is helpful for our own spiritual growth. There is a healthy non-attachment. I agree that you shouldn't be hard on yourself. I offer support as I can, be I do remain non-attached. It's kind of a surrender to Higher Will of others, respecting free will for all souls.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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  • 3 weeks later...

Ugh. This is terrible recently. It's as if parts of me are separate and not communicating with one another. I'm not unaware of anything (as far as I know). Just can't connect the parts of me.

I began doing this when I was a senior in high school and my first love left for college. People would ask me about him and it took me awhile to remember who he was even though we talked every day. The sweet guy went to college library and researched my symptoms and wrote up what he found - Depersonalization. Pretty good for an Engineer. ;)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I recently learned the my ex husband of 18 years had been suffering with Dissociate Disorder. Now everything makes sense. I couldn't figure out why he lied so much about every little thing, and I could tell he believed his lies of life and reality. I found out that he does in fact believe it. He dissociates from physical reality from trauma and now recalls and experiences event as an emotional reality. It's very weird. I read that this can be helped though with therapy. Though I doubt he'd ever admit he needs help.

 

I took an Aspergers test and found that I score pretty high into that. I suspected I've had it for some time. Now so much makes sense about my life! I am so non-attached to people and things. I care and I am emotional, but I see people overly concerned about things that to me, is silly. I feel like things are going to happen no matter how much you worry about it, or even if you don't worry about it, so why worry at all about anything? Think back over your life and the worrying you've done about things. Did it ever once help the situation to worry? It's such a big waste of energy.

Taper from Cymbalta, Paxil, Prozac & Antipsychotics finished June 2012.

Xanax 5% Taper - (8/12 - .5 mg) - (9/12 - .45) - (10/12 - .43) - (11/12 - .41) - (12/12 - .38)

My Paxil Website

My Intro

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Shanti,

That's very interesting about your ex and DID. How did you finally learn that he does believe the things he said? I suspect someone I know has some variation of this and it's a mindbender to be on the other end. Very hard to describe because it IS 'real' to that person and without malicious intent (I THINK!). I understand that true Dissociative Identity Disorder is thought to be rare and begin at young age, but I believe trauma at any age could potentially result in a form of dissociation. The mind has amazing adaptive functions.

Please excuse any misuse of terms or definitions.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I understand that true Dissociative Identity Disorder is thought to be rare and begin at young age, but I believe trauma at any age could potentially result in a form of dissociation. The mind has amazing adaptive functions.

Please excuse any misuse of terms or definitions.

 

DID is a contrivance of the DSM IV. As of now one does not need to have the sasme type of complete split we have come to associate with Multiple Personality Disorder (watered down.. what else is new). Dissociation is a defense mechanism, and occurs on a spectrum.

 

Psychodynamics and Dissociation: All that Switches Is Not Split.

 

Psychodynamic psychotherapy for complex trauma: targets, focus, applications, and outcomes.

 

Now guys, a disclaimer. Because I posted the links, does not mean I agree with everything! :)~S

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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I read the first article and it puts words to many things I have suspected over the years. Thank you, Schuyler - AGAIN! You're far better than Google Scholar. ;)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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I understand that true Dissociative Identity Disorder is thought to be rare and begin at young age, but I believe trauma at any age could potentially result in a form of dissociation. The mind has amazing adaptive functions.

Please excuse any misuse of terms or definitions.

 

DID is a contrivance of the DSM IV. As of now one does not need to have the sasme type of complete split we have come to associate with Multiple Personality Disorder (watered down.. what else is new). Dissociation is a defense mechanism, and occurs on a spectrum.

 

Psychodynamics and Dissociation: All that Switches Is Not Split.

 

Psychodynamic psychotherapy for complex trauma: targets, focus, applications, and outcomes.

 

Now guys, a disclaimer. Because I posted the links, does not mean I agree with everything! :)~S

 

S,

 

Excellent and outstanding - especially the "contrivance" aspect of the DSM.

 

I also want to add that I get myself worked up when I think of my problems as "unique" and begin to self-diagnose, label, react (not necessarily in that order). When I start to believe that I am average and react as any average "nervous" person does, I begin to understand that I have much more ability to control behaviors that are self-defeating - regardless of the origin. I could ponder the origination of my trauma for years and still maintain my self-defeating behaviors.

 

Trauma is real and the body has built-in responses that are actually adaptive, but nevertheless can be distressing, especially as we develop patterns of behavior that inflame or perpetuate the trauma. However through training we can begin to acknowledge that our symptoms are distressing, but not dangerous. More importantly, through training and practice, we can pick and choose response or no response, inaction versus action. Through practice we begin to understand and respond to our inner and outer environments with greater ease, finding a sense of peace or being able to regain a sense of peace much more quickly. All of this translates into less suffering.

 

The acknowledgement of trauma is an important one. Getting help to move beyond it is another. That there are helpful/not-so-helpful models of help confounds everything. Our natural inclination as humans to sabotage growth to keep the status quo makes our lives even more difficult and painful. Temper begets temper (whether fear or anger), calm begets calm. These are not my words, but those of Abraham Low, M.D., a true pioneer in the peer-led, self-help movement which started in 1937 (Recovery International). Beautifully simplistic and more relevant today than ever. If this old 52 year old can learn just one new tool to regain, maintain equanimity; to transition between self and group-led decision making, than I have great hope for anyone else who is currently suffering.

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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I'm trying to get in touch with that temper, those first 3 seconds of "gut feeling/reaction" before my mind takes over. I'm very calm, controlled and reserved in presentation (I know, it doesnt show here!). This is something my one good therapist years ago recognized in me. She did everything to encourage me to GET ANGRY! Yell, shout, etc. I believe pillows and foam bats were involved. ;)

I think it's this tendency to automatically stuff things from the time I was a kid that led to my "repressed" state. My pain doc actually referred to me as a "zen person" at one point. Too bad he didn't take that a step further and recognize that my zen was covering emotional pain and contributing to physical pain (and disconnection).

Less than a year ago, I was still convinced that I had a good, trauma-free upbringing. I was SHOCKED the first time a psychologist suggested that I had experienced emotional trauma from patents throughout my life - this surprise came just a few months ago. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this and allowing myself to sit with it. I feel strongly that there is a reason I decided to go off of SS/NRIs after 18 years. It has allowed me a "psychic opening" of sorts to see my life thru a new perspective. Of course, moving beyond is the goal but if just understanding myself and others in a way that I can help others in similar positions (and also not realizing it) is the endpoint, I will be accepting of that.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Comment by Debbiejo on another thread prompted visual of different "Barbs" all moving in opposite directions (picure Three Stooges) then collapsing in heap back where they/we started.

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Those first 3 seconds of "gut feeling/reaction" before my mind takes over.

 

That's where a great deal lies, just out of consciousness.~S

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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I'm trying to get in touch with that temper, those first 3 seconds of "gut feeling/reaction" before my mind takes over. I'm very calm, controlled and reserved in presentation (I know, it doesnt show here!). This is something my one good therapist years ago recognized in me. She did everything to encourage me to GET ANGRY! Yell, shout, etc. I believe pillows and foam bats were involved. ;)

I think it's this tendency to automatically stuff things from the time I was a kid that led to my "repressed" state. My pain doc actually referred to me as a "zen person" at one point. Too bad he didn't take that a step further and recognize that my zen was covering emotional pain and contributing to physical pain (and disconnection).

Less than a year ago, I was still convinced that I had a good, trauma-free upbringing. I was SHOCKED the first time a psychologist suggested that I had experienced emotional trauma from patents throughout my life - this surprise came just a few months ago. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around this and allowing myself to sit with it. I feel strongly that there is a reason I decided to go off of SS/NRIs after 18 years. It has allowed me a "psychic opening" of sorts to see my life thru a new perspective. Of course, moving beyond is the goal but if just understanding myself and others in a way that I can help others in similar positions (and also not realizing it) is the endpoint, I will be accepting of that.

 

Barb,

 

I remember back in the late '70's and '80's that the trend was "let it all hang out". I also remember the pillow bashing advice by my therapist at that time. She also recommended, "Go get in your car and just SCREAM". Any relief of my suffering was TEMPORARY. I felt either more angry or more sad and depressed.

 

"Stuffing feelings" is a learned response to parental upbringing and societal norms. It is a historical norm for how women have been enculturated. Being "zen-like" can give us the necessary time in order to make better choices so that we stop sabotaging our growth. Acknowledging that I am an "average, nervous person" (sensitized nervous system) and have developed many behaviors in order to cope (fearful or angry temper) has been the pivotal "aha" moment for me. I am now treating my "life as a business" and learning how to be "self-led" instead of "symptom led". The origins of my suffering no longer matter. What matters to me most is to stop my suffering. My responses to my inner and outer environment determine my level of suffering. This is where I am stepping away from allowing my feelings to control my world.

 

I practice simple tools day in and day out and find out that the level of my suffering reduces dramatically. I am the maker or the breaker of my suffering. I share my experiences from a peer-led, free, self-help group. It is so simple as to be stupid. The practice is rigorous. The reduction of my symptoms is dramatic.

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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Anniej,

I respect what has worked for you. Ive had to completely separate from my family, including 80 year old parents, in the past year. That's something that takes more processing than average day to day business as usual. I believe this is where others have talked about moving into anger/hurt/dark feelings in order to move past. I got word last nite that my mother has inoperable cancer and I can't feel a thing.

I think we have to agree to disagree on this issue.

B

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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The origins of my suffering no longer matter. What matters to me most is to stop my suffering. My responses to my inner and outer environment determine my level of suffering. This is where I am stepping away from allowing my feelings to control my world.tice is rigorous. The reduction of my symptoms is dramatic.

 

Hi Anne, I'm glad you are getting relief. Just to note that psychodynamic and psychoanalytic therapies produce lasting change when used by a skilled therapist. They value past experiences which are a gist for therapy and work to permanently eliminate symptoms which cause suffering. You might want to take a look at this site which compares CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) to Psychodynamic therapy. ~S

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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Hi S,

 

I will definitely explore the psychodynamic model. I believe that multiple modalities could be very beneficial to me and others. Thank you for the link. I look forward to exploring this,

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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Agree. And a GOOD therapist!

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Anniej,

I respect what has worked for you. Ive had to completely separate from my family, including 80 year old parents, in the past year. That's something that takes more processing than average day to day business as usual. I believe this is where others have talked about moving into anger/hurt/dark feelings in order to move past. I got word last nite that my mother has inoperable cancer and I can't feel a thing.

I think we have to agree to disagree on this issue.

B

 

I am so sorry to hear about your mother's diagnosis of terminal cancer. I can relate to the apathy. My 80 year old dad had open heart surgery in February in the midst of benzo w/d. I was completely disconnected and devoid of any emotion.

 

I apologize if the sharing of my experience devalued in any way, your own individual path. It was not my intention. I feel as if I share many of your struggles and I want to be able to continue our dialogue in the spirit of mutual sharing. :) Many Hugs, Annej

My Intro
2000-Effexor and Klonopin
April 2011- C/T Adderall, lithium, Seroquel, Lunesta; Pristiq and Klonopin cut by 1/2 due to med-induced "rapid cycling"
May 2011- Pristiq/Lexapro bridge/taper
June, 2011- K cut to 0.5 mg (doctor)
July 18, 2011 - Lexapro done
October 2011- K taper started
Jan, 2012- Off K, Remeron started -bad idea
March 2012- Horrific Tardive Akathisa/TD (Dx: TA versus withdrawal akathisia secondary to K w/d)
May 2012- Reinstatement of K
Current Psych Meds: Klonopin 2 mg + Propanolol 15 mg and titrating up
As of June 2013: TA gone or suppressed - struggling with tolerance to benzos - beta blocker helping

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Thanks, Anniej. I agree - it's good to discuss, debate, and find our individual paths. :)

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Additional thought: the SS/NRIs have increased/enhanced my lifelong, PRE-DRUG tendency to "dissociate/disconnect/repress". Klonopin has undoubtedly compounded that problem although ive never felt anxiolytic benefit from benzos. Klonopin qhs was prescribed for Zoloft-induced bruxism. I realize bruxism is often attributed to anxiety, but I believe there's more to it when induced by serotonergics. I'll refrain from my thoretical neurotransmitter babble. ;)

 

Did I mention that i tend to be analytical??

Pristiq tapered over 8 months ending Spring 2011 after 18 years of polydrugging that began w/Zoloft for fatigue/general malaise (not mood). CURRENT: 1mg Klonopin qhs (SSRI bruxism), 75mg trazodone qhs, various hormonesLitigation for 11 years for Work-related injury, settled 2004. Involuntary medical retirement in 2001 (age 39). 2012 - brain MRI showing diffuse, chronic cerebrovascular damage/demyelination possibly vasculitis/cerebritis. Dx w/autoimmune polyendocrine failure.<p>2013 - Dx w/CNS Sjogren's Lupus (FANA antibodies first appeared in 1997 but missed by doc).

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Additional thought: the SS/NRIs have increased/enhanced my lifelong, PRE-DRUG tendency to "dissociate/disconnect/repress". Klonopin has undoubtedly compounded that problem although ive never felt anxiolytic benefit from benzos. Klonopin qhs was prescribed for Zoloft-induced bruxism. I realize bruxism is often attributed to anxiety, but I believe there's more to it when induced by serotonergics. I'll refrain from my thoretical neurotransmitter babble. ;)

 

Did I mention that i tend to be analytical??

 

Howze this for your analytical bent.. the bottom line remains the same. Yours is to find the way. Posted Image

 

Barb, a HUGE HUG to ya.

As always, LISTEN TO YOUR BODY! A proud supporter of the 10% (or slower) rule.

 

Requip - 3/16 ZERO  Total time on 25 years.

 

Lyrica: 8/15 ZERO Total time on 7 or 8 yrs.

BENZO FREE 10/13 (started tapering 7/10)  Total time on 25 years.

 

Read my intro thread here, and check the about me section.  "No matter how cynical you get, it's almost impossible to keep up." Lily Tomlin

 

 

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