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benesh: is this possible


benesh

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6 minutes ago, benesh said:

Hello dear go2zero,

So grateful for your input. It means more than my words can convey. 
blessings to you as you move forward towards ad freedom.

benesh 

 

I am so glad to help. We are more or less on the same path, with the combination of SSRI and Bupropion. Whenever I can be of any help, just ask.

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

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  • 2 weeks later...

Needing reassurance these days.

In the midst of the lexo taper. Holding with the wellbutrin. Not even sure I can describe what I am thinking and feeling. I have mostly felt insecure and unsure of myself most of the time. ..all my life perhaps. Right now things are  distorted by the sense of despair and tears with most recent wave.  Being around people has mostly been a challenge. Now it feels like torture. Unable to think or respond to even close friends and family.  Brain in neutral or park or something. If I could respond with DUH or Dunno that would be authentic. I try and say words but with so much anxiety, shame and effort. So glad I am not working. If I had my druthers, I would remove myself for a while where I did not need to interact. I have little feelings for those I love. I just want to run and hide. Is this part of the taper? Or am I just noticing now some of my glaring character defects?

I walk daily. I attend church which is a big stressor but also potentially uplifting. We host a small group here from our church. The conversation demands are exhausting. My husband reports, I seem fine when I am talking to others. Talking on the phone is anxiety producing. Getting basic chores done ..make the bed, do the dishes, make a meal, grocery shop seems like huge feats  of strength. Then I think..oh my what a loser I am. Others can do and accomplish and talk and I want to be left alone. 
Meanwhile, I want to continue with the taper knowing that at  a 5% reduction, it will take me 5 plus years to be free.  Sleeping is ok. Wake up with dread and that is why I walk first thing. 
I am thinking about increasing the taper to 7.5% I am miserable now but from what I have read it could be worse.

I am rambling now. Hard time getting clarity enough to express myself. 
I continue to eat a whole foods plant based diet..reduce inflammation.

Do others dread being social? Do all tasks seem overwhelming?

Zombie and flat inside. No thought just anguish and dread?

I think that is all I can get out right now..Thanks for listening...

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
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  • Moderator

@benesh

 

Your symptoms are perfectly normal in withdrawal and I share many of them.  WD can take pre-existing  emotional states, like social anxiety, and exaggerate them.  I know it does with me.  Like you, trivial tasks can feel overwhelming to me.  

 

Do a good bit of thinking before you increase you taper rate.  It sounds like you're already under a good bit of pressure at your current rate.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of April 10: 13mgai.  Taper is 31% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Gridley,

I appreciate the input for sure. Helps to have things heard and validated. I will stick with the 5% reduction. It is so hard to imagine years of this going through the motions. It sure could be worse. Employing one day, moment etc..is crucial

I see you have done the brassmonkey slide taper. I have reviewed that multiple times but so far not clear at all how to do it. How on earth did you figure it out? I figure many on here are either brainiacs, math whizz folk, desperate or all the above. 
It is encouraging nonetheless to read your post.

I will stay the  course.

perhaps I will check out the brassmonkey slide taper again🙃

Peace and joy to you.

benesh

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
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  • Moderator
12 minutes ago, benesh said:

math whizz folk

I'm terrible at math.  The Brassmonkey taper isn't that hard to figure--instead of one 10% drop per month, you do four weekly 2.5% drops followed by a 2-week hold.  Math-wise, you multiply your previous dose by .975 to get your next week's dose.  

 

In terms of length of taper, I know it's hard to wrap your head around how long it takes.  But the time does pass, as I know from my four-year Lexapro taper.  It case you want to figure how long your taper will take, if you do the 5% every four weeks taper, you'll go down by half your present dose in a year, so net year this time you'll be at 4.75mg, which is real progress.  It's particularly important to go slowly at the low doses of Lexapro because these low doses (below 10mg) are stronger than the higher doses.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg 1986-1991 CT, soon reinstated.  CT 2000. RI 1 mg 2011-2016.  Sept. 2016  0.625mg X 3

Nov.27, 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover + change to one 18.75mg dose, w/1 month hold.

Feb. 9, 2021, begin 10% every 4 weeks taper.  Current dose as of April 10: 13mgai.  Taper is 31% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan. 2016 began every 3-weeks 10% taper, down to 16mgai (44mgpw).  Aug 2016, discovered SA, holding at 16mg.  Taper is 78% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg.


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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Dear Benesh, sorry to read how you are feeling. I have had similar experiences quite often and worse now and then during the last 3,5 years of withdrawal. The best remedy always was (and is) slow down with tapering..., until feeling better (or less worse).

 

What also may be an important issue in your case, is that you have been tapering bupropion whilst taking a SSRI (Lexapro). In my experience (when I was tapering bupropion next to taking a SSRI) it took up to 8 months! after the last dosage change of bupropion until I started to feel better.

 

I see that your last dosage change in bupropion was in december 2020, so less then 3 months ago. So it might be the case that you are still feeling so bad because of the tapering of bupropion. I would advise to be careful with tapering Lexapro, until you start feeling better. 

 

It might be the case that after that you will be able to increase the tapering of Lexapro. There is no definite plan. Listen to your body. Don't go too fast. In the end going slow will be faster. 

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

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On 2/23/2021 at 5:31 PM, Go2zero said:

 

 

I see that your last dosage change in bupropion was in december 2020, so less then 3 months ago. So it might be the case that you are still feeling so bad because of the tapering of bupropion. I would advise to be careful with tapering Lexapro, until you start feeling better. 

 

It might be the case that after that you will be able to increase the tapering of Lexapro. There is no definite plan. Listen to your body. Don't go too fast. In the end going slow will be faster. 

Go2zero,

Thank you for the input. It is good to know that you have first hand experience with these medications.

One thing I also notice, is my world just keeps getting smaller and smaller. I am trusting that this too is part of the WD horrors but will eventually pass. I took my early morning walk today, and somehow I tripped and fell. In  the past I might’ve laughed, even though I was pretty bruised up. No laughing today, feeling more and more fragile.

 

I’ve been thinking about what you say about the bupropion. I was at 300 mg in June 2019 and by January 2020 I was down to 150 mg. Then around April or May I was told by another PCP to start at 75 mg. I’m not real quick with calculations but it sure seems to me that that was pretty fast.

 

I will stick with the 5% reduction lexapro, perhaps even trying the micro tapering. I hear it said, often on the site that it’s hard to imagine that I will ever recover. I have to fight that thought regularly.

I sure look forward to the day when most of this is behind me and I can offer hope and encouragement to others. Thank you for being one of those who is offering me hope and encouragement. Over and out for now.

Benesh

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
Link to post

Dear Benesh, 

 

Sorry to read that you are feeling the way you do! This will go over. It may take time. I think I know where you are. In the period I have been busy with withdrawal, I went through phases where I could not see any light anymore. Where I was totally exhausted and where I hardly wanted to live anymore. But please keep the faith! You will get there!

 

As long as you do it very carefully, slow and keep listening to your body. Be prepared to change plans for withdrawal, or maybe even better do not make real plans… I have adjusted my plans so many times, because withdrawal effects just were too hard to handle…

 

We react all different, so I cannot be sure that my experience with SSRI/bupropion tapering will be the same with you. But there might be similarities, when I look at your history of medicine use and withdrawal (and trials before).

 

First, I see that we both have had quite some changes in meds, in dosages and also that we tried several times to quit. Which I surely did too fast (and probably you too) with the knowledge I have right now.

 

Furthermore I see that you went quite fast down with the bupropion, as you say yourself too. But I am not sure if that is the main problem, however it could be.

 

What I noticed was that going down with bupropion was not a problem in the beginning period of withdrawal. I went down also quite fast and from 150 to 66 mg, without much problems. But going down from 66 mg became more and more difficult with every small step. 

 

Eventually I went down from 66 mg in many small steps to 33,3 mg. The last dosage changes (almost 1 year ago ) were two steps of 1 mg each (6% down in total). This small step down (after 1 year stabilizing!), sent me to hell for 8 months. More than one year earlier I also went down 2 mg only (6%) and I experienced the same during 8 months.

 

So it seems that there can come a point where further tapering of bupropion is nearly impossible when taking also a SSRI. I know this does not account for everyone. But I see so much similarities in your experiences and mine that it might be the case with you as well. 

 

In my case it all came to more rest after these 8 months. And after that I could easier taper the SSRI again.

 

I do not know exactly how it works with bupropion and the blockage of the dopamine receptors. There is hardly any information to be found there. But I do know that with all SSRI’s withdrawal gets more and more difficult the nearer you get to zero.

 

I could explain why this is, but that becomes quite technical. And this information can also be found on this website.

 

But it is a fact that the last mg’s of an SSRI are the most difficult for most of us. This might be the case for bupropion as well. Especially when still taking a SSRI next to it.

 

So I think you are on the right track when you stabilize as much as possible now, before going down with the Lexapro. The withdrawal effects that you feel right now could still be from the bupropion. 

 

You will get there. You are not alone!

 

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

Link to post

I so much appreciate this exchange. I just submitted a plaintive message on my introduction thread asking for encouragement because of feeling I’m just getting worse after 1 year and nine months since going off Effexor. I substituted Prozac for it, and I’ve been on 2 mg of it for going on 4 months. Last summer, not understanding the problem of tapering from already low doses and the need to taper at 10% of previous dose, I wanted so badly to get off the Prozac that I tapered from 6 to 1.8 in less than 3 months. With @Altostrata advice I updosed back to 2.0 in mid November, though that did not relieve my main symptoms of gnawing anxiety and heavy derealization. So I’m just staying at 2.0. The conversation between @Go2zero and @benesh has given me hope this morning. 

Fluoxetine 1997-2014, 2015, 10-40 mg. GAD and DR symptoms returned  April 2013.

Bupropion 2013-14, 4 mos; Lexapro 2014; Cymbalta 2014. Gabapentin 2014; Mirtazapene 2014. Buspirone 2015.

Venlafaxine Dec. 2015 – May 2019, 150 mg, tapered to 0 in 3 weeks, May-June 2019

Bupropion Mar 2017 – July 2019 300 mg, tapered to 0 in 3 weeks, July 2019

Fluoxetine/Prozac May 2019 – present, tapered from 20 mg started Jan 2020, linear 10% every 4 wks.; tapered 6 to 4 mg June, 2, 2020; 4 to 1.8 mg Aug. 26, 2020; updose from 1.8 mg to 2.0 Nov. 16, 2020. Holding at 2.0 mg as of Mar 14,2021. April 14, 2021 updosed to 2.5 mg.

D3 2,000 mg; Omega 3 360 EPA/240 DHA; Magnesium Chelate 250 mg; Inositol powder started Nov 12, 2020; Theanine 400 mg; cranial electrotherapy stimulation device, self-treatments started Mar 14, 2021.

 

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Ooops..made a mistake in calculations. Now not sure what to do.

On February 4, I began what I thought was a 5% taper from lexapro. Met with compound pharmacist and he explained that 10mg of the dose is equivalent to 5 ml of the suspended version. Not sure I am explaining this clearly. 
Was wrestling the past month with crying jags, despair etc. Then revisited the pharmacist and the formula for calculating  the ml. Oh no! I had erroneously arrived at 4.5 ml which is a 10% reduction. It should have been  4.75 ml.  for 5% reduction.

The idea was to do a month of taper and then hold for  2 weeks.  See how I was adjusting before proceeding. 
BEFORE I realized my mistake, I was considering doing the micro dose hoping that would be more manageable.

Now the question is what and when do I proceed? Also it seems very difficult get a good read on the syringe for the smaller amounts. Have others encountered that?

The pharmacist was suggesting doing a 2.5 % reduction weekly..which would bring me to 10% by the end of the month.He also said it is hard to get a good read from the syringe with such small reductions.

Wish I could write more but my expressive abilities limited these days.

Once again, I am so glad this forum is here.

benesh

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
Link to post
  • Mentor
Colonial
Posted (edited)

Sorry your not feeling well.

 

When I made a few of these mistakes, by the time I arrived where you are, a full month after the drop I decided personally that it was just best to ride it out and take longer to stabilize before the next drop. Since it seems you were pretty much on the same dosages of all your meds for 3 months and a full month has already gone by, I think it not too bad or an error, since it was only a 10% drop.

 

If you had noticed the error within the first week, or had accidentally dropped by a truly large percentage, I would have said to up dose to the intended attempted dose, but since it was 10% and after a full month your brain is already well on its way to adjusting at this level, so I always think of it as "wasted suffering" to updose after this long and just hold longer, but only you know how bad you are.

 

My opinion, Hold another month, since you plan was 5 % a month, your current dose is  about where you would be by April 5th, and see how you feel.

Edited by Colonial

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs  8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6)

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

Link to post
Go2zero

I totally agree with Colonial. It is “only” 10% down in dosage where you wanted to go down 5%. I would not suggest to go up again in dosage, since that might only upset your nervous system extra. Another thing you should know, is that the effect on the serotonin receptor blockage is not that big yet when you are still at a relative high dosage (now 9,0mg Lexapro). 

 

The big changes in serotonin receptor blockage start at lower dosages of Lexapro (under 5mg). That is also the reason that you should be much more careful when tapering at lower dosages. Because the receptor blockage goes down much faster when tapering at lower dosages than where you are now.

 

Therefor it is so important to taper a percentage over the last taken dosage and not over the initial dose.

 

I do not know what kind of syringe you are using. But you might ask for another syringe at the pharmacy. If you ask for syringes that are thinner and have a lower volume you can measure more carefully. For example, I have thinner syringes of 2,5 ml capacity. For 4,5 ml you measure 1 time 2,5 ml and then add 1 time 2 ml.

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

Link to post

Big sigh of relief. Thank you my SA angels, faithful responders. I will continue to stay where I am....get a smaller syringe and look at APRIL 5 to resume a drop.

Do you think I should do the micro dose approach? Or continue with the monthly 5% drop with a 2 week hold?

so many variables and options. Decision making was difficult before tapering but well now.....I second guess myself allot. Fence sitting hurts.

Knowing I can write here and get wise input helps to move me in a more certain direction.

 I trust that some day I will be able to give back.

In the meantime, I can acknowledge how much your input helps.

Safe hugs,

Benesh

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
Link to post
  • Mentor
Colonial
Posted (edited)

There's really no cut and dry answer. Some people do well making very small cuts more often, others, like myself, need more time between drops regardless how "tiny" the drop is.  It's all how your particular brain and body handles each destabilization.  If you think you have become "worse" due to dropping 10%, than try 5% every month and see how you do.  But remember it very well could be just a "wave" your in regardless, you have had alot of changes and this is not necessarily from the 10% drop.  This is why note taking is so important, to find your personal symptom pattern and know that each different med has a longer half life that others means people may not become symptomatic until a month past a drop.  Since you've had so many recent problems in the past year,  5% a month seems reasonable to test the waters.  Just don't "force" yourself to be stuck in predetermined amounts or weeks.  In the future you may find something like dropping 7.5% every 5 weeks is good for you. Just be gentle with yourself for the next year.

Edited by Colonial

 Starting ds 2 (12.5 CR'S) = 25 MG PAXIL CR 1/21/15: 1 Pill + 10mg liquid (2 weeks) 2/4: 1 Pill + 9mg Lq (3 weeks) 2/25: 1 Pill + 8 mg lq (1 week) 3/4: 1 Pill + 6 mg lq (2 weeks) 3/18/15 1 Pill + 4 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/1/15 1 Pill + 3 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/14/15 1 Pill + 2 mg lq (2 weeks) 4/29/15 1Pill + 1 mg lq (16 days) 5/15/15 1 12.5 mg Pill ONLY (9 days) 5/24/15 12 mgs liquid (8 days) 6/1/15 11mg lq (12 days) 6/13/15 10 mg.  12/3/15 Drop from 8mg to 7.6 (24 days to) 12/27/15 7.2mgs  8/4/16 6.8mgs,  11/1/16 6.4mgs, 2/5/17 6 mgs  4/3/17 5.6mgs, 4/24/17 5.2mg, 6/13/17 4.8mgs, 9/20/17 4.4mgS, 11/23/17 4 mgs, 1/1/18 3.6 mgs, 2/15/18 3.2 mgs. 4/13/18 2.8mgs, 5/11/18 2.4mgs, 6/10/18 2.0 mgs, 8/4/18 1.6mgs,  9/27/18 1.2mgs, 12/24/18 0.8mg, 3/24/19 0.64 mg,(syringe change issue date?) 4/22/19 0.60 mg, 5/24/19 0.60 mg, 7/7/19 0.52 mgs, 8/4/19 0.44mgs, 11/4/19 0.36mgs, 2/1/20 0.28mgs, 3/1/20 0.24mgs (crash April 6)

 

Original Wellbutrin Dose: 6 months from 9/14 to 3/2015, 300 XL 3/15/15: Half to 150 XL ( severe symptoms started on day 12) 4/16/15: 125mg   for 20 days to: 5/6/15:   100mg  for  15 days to: 5/21/15    75mg  for  10 days to: 6/1/15:  56.25mg      13 days to: 6/13/15: 37.25mg    7 days to: 6/20/15  28.12mg   14 days to: 7/4/15  18.75mg, 7 days to: 7/11/15; RAISE BACK TO: 28.12 to 8/14/15: 18.75mg  20 days to :9/3/15 : 12.5mg, 8/4/16 9mg 1/9/17: 8.5mg 2/8/17 8mg, 3/9/17: 7.6  4/9/17  7.2  5/27/17 6.4 6/24/17 5.8, 8/1/17 5.0, 8/29/17 4.2mgs, 10/2/17 3.5mgs, 12/28/17 2.5mgs, 2/27/18 1.7mgs,  4/19/18 0.8 mgs, LAST DOSE: 6/11/18:  3 YEARS, 2 MONTHS, 27 DAYS...

Link to post
Go2zero

I could not give a better advice than Colonial. Just one thing to add. As I wrote before it is possible that you also still suffer from the WD of bupropion (whilst taking a SSRI). As I told you, in my case this took me 8 months the last few times that I went down in dosage of bupropion.

 

So be very careful the coming months. Stabilize. Maybe you will be able to taper a bit faster some months later. Don't plan too much. Listen to your body and stabilize when needed.

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
Thelongestroadhome

My own thoughts on tapering are not to rush! It took me 11 years to withdraw from lexapro but in that time I enjoyed my life. If I had a particularly bad episode after a cut I would hold for much longer before attempting  a further cut. I could never see the point in rushing the process just so that I could tell some I was finally med free. I heard too many horror stories from those who entered the med free zone after a rapid taper and continued to suffer. The ultimate goal is to live a good life whilst going through the process of withdrawing. To be a functional adult. To continue working, parenting etc. It’s similar to weight loss. Those who lose weight quickly ( think Biggest loser) have a high probability of gaining it all back and more. Those who change their lifestyle, make better food choices and exercise moderately are more likely to succeed long term. 
Slow and steady, enjoy the journey because the destination is not the only goal. 

Current...Drug free since September 2018

December 2007 30mg Lexapro and a benzodiazepine December 2008 25mg, December 2009 20mg, December 2010 15mg Lexapro, December 2011 10mg Lexapro. Long hold as I felt happy with the dose and saw no need at the time to reduce further. September 2015 dropped to 5mg. Terrible anxiety started two months later. June 2016 dropped to 3mg and terrible obsessive thoughts and anxiety so ten days later I reinstated back to 5mg. October 2016 dropped to 4mg. April 2017 dropped to 3mg. September 2017 dropped to 2mg. Terrible obsessive thoughts. Anxiety through the roof. OCD.  September 2018 quit cold turkey 2mg Lexapro. March 2019 feeling better than I have in years. 

Link to post

Again to the faithful responders.  A HUGE THANK YOU.

..hold tight seems to be the consensus.

I have printed out all the words of wisdom to share with loved ones.
This has been more of a tidal wave than before. How on earth can a person have so many tears. Jeepers who has that much water inside? I even cry when I do my morning walks. 

 Today I am experiencing some sweet moments of relief. Dry face is a treat. 

Now that I feel a bit lighter, I can do things that have been put on the back burner. Boy that burner has lots of stuff there. 
 I heard this great song by Andrew Peterson on BE KIND TO Yourself.

https://g.co/kgs/HPr1CV

This is the link....if I did it correctly.

Your kindness and responsiveness during this journey makes a huge difference

benesh . 
 

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
Link to post
  • 1 month later...
Go2zero

Hi Benesh, how are you doing?

 

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

Link to post
On 5/8/2021 at 7:29 AM, Go2zero said:

Hi Benesh, how are you doing?

What a delight to open up my email and get this question. Actually Go2zero, I have been struggling. I had felt good and now not so good again. 
I remain at the last reported taper amount of the lexapro. I had 17 days of peace and joy. Able to do life without the struggle of current experience of dread and overwhelmed. I think this last mood drop came after helping my hubby help my niece plant 12 huge trees. I have a hard time accepting my limitations. Especially when I feel ok, and then find that what was once a doable activity drains my limited reserves.
I will rattle off  a bit to try and get out the good, the bad and the myriad of questions and concerns.

So go2zero, I had hoped to resume the drop in April but realized I needed a bit more stability before attempting. After the recent window, I thought for sure I could attempt in May. Actually the end of May after a family gathering for my husbands 65th birthday. Golly now I am not sure. I figure that, just like life, I will have struggles and do not understand if I am to wait to do the next dose reduction until being wave free for a longer period of time. Or since I am wrestling so much why not do a very small reduction. Decision making is almost a joke these days.
Presently almost everything overwhelms me. I start my day trying to avoid getting up. Obviously that is only a battle in my mind and eventually I do get up. Do my meds, a few sips of coffee and water and out I go for a morning walk.

I then have some quiet time praying, reading spiritual things, and have been doing some mindfulness apps.

After that, I look at my day of to dos and usually have a brief crying spell. Tears seem to be one way to dissolve the anxiety. I know I am a perfectionist and currently it seems that no matter what I do, my mind is on overdrive of condemnation. Thoughts from the past, feelings of shame seem to be ready to attack at any moment. I know this is a human thing but the amount and intensity is more since tapering for sure.

Did you have to quit working? Was it hard to be around others? Did responsibilities overwhelm you? 
I am not working which feels very odd but also a huge relief. I am grateful that we can budget and manage on my hubby’s income. My identity unfortunately was tied up in my work life. Now without it, I am looking for purpose. All this is spoken from a wave mindset. When I am in a window, I remember that showing love and kindness, doing for others is purpose enough.I can appreciate small things.

During waves being around others is so difficult. I don’t know why other than my mind keeps focusing on despair and hopelessness. I do not want to keep repeating this inner torment to others. Self consumption is so limiting.
I meet once a month with a withdrawal coach, Micheal Priebe. He is very helpful but unless I stay focused on what he says, or watch his videos I get stuck in this place of darkness. Ugh. I also meet with someone for spiritual direction, go to the gym, go for walks, do mindfulness apps, eat whole food plant based, talk with my hubby and sis but when this wave hits it seems all consuming. 
Thanks for inviting me to say ..how I am. I know I will find myself in a window again. 
How are you? How do you deal with the waves? Are you still reducing your dose? Do you have a medical professional helping you along the way?

I don’t go on SA very much these days. Trying to stay focused on recovery and hope. My brain gets rattled pretty easily so less is more in terms of reading. Are there certain people you have found helpful to follow?

As you can probably tell,I am a basic gal with limited ability to absorb or understand  complicated or technical things. 
Ok truly enough rattling. 
Thanks again..so very much for reaching out. Blessings galore and many days of windows to you.

benesh

  •  1995 -1998 prozac 20 mg; unsuccessful C.T.
  • 1998-2004 paxil 10 mg ; unsuccessful C.T. 
  •  2004-current  lexapro 10 mg
  •  2009 added drug Wellbutrin 150mg, 2016  bupropian300 mg XL
  • 2019  start taper June-;alternated between 300 mg and 150 mg XL (as per PCP guidelines) until  reached daily bupropian 150 mg XL in December 2019
  • 2020 January-March skipping 1 -4 days in between 150 mg XL then crashed mid month March
  • 2020 March-April resumed skipping every 3 days
  • 2020 April 28 began splitting bupropion 75 mg HCL and taking 37.5 mg am &  pm
  • 2020 April discovered SA and the brassmonkey slide taper; making own pills now
  • 2020 June 10-71.3 mg bupropion HCL (2 pills daily -divided);July 10 -67.7 mg;August 9 -64.3;August 31-61.1;September 21-58.0; October 12-55.1; November 2-52.4 mg bupropion HCL;December 3-8 -49.8; reinstated December 9 -52.4mg,ALL ARE GENERIC
  • 2021 January 7 liquid taper of Wellbutrin done by compound pharmacist . Same amount as before.
  • 2021 January 29 liquid lexapro done by compound pharmacist.
  • 2021 February 4 began  taper at 5% so now at 9.5mg. 
Link to post

Hi Benesh, thank you for your extensive reply. Lots of things you wrote are very recognizable for me.

I am struggling with withdrawal for almost 4 years in a row now, after 2 earlier attempts in the last 11 years. Doctors told me then that I was having a relapse, which I believed then. I wish I had the information then that I have now. Then I would not have jumped to zero at a too high (though low dose). Right now I am taking only 1/54 pill (Prozac) per day (so 1 pill divided over 54 days). But with every small dosage change down I am having quite some WD effects. I went too fast probably during the last months, so now I am stabilizing for a longer period. 

 

I want to get off these terrible meds, so I will continue tapering as soon as I can. These drugs do not do anything good to me. Most problems I am having from WD, I did not have before I started to take these meds.

What you write about thoughts about the past (idealizing past), shame, feelings of guilt, etc. are also familiar to me. I really have the impression that this is also something that has to do with WD. These things seem to be magnified during WD.

I stopped with psychotherapy 8 months ago. I felt that it did not bring me much. I have been doing all kinds of psychotherapy. And to be honest with not very much results. I learned a lot about myself, but it did not solve much of my problems (mainly anxiety and panic attacks).

 

I am much more on the spiritual path now (which I was already somehow before). And I find that finding the Light in myself, brings me so much more than looking at my problems and traumas, where psychologists were taking me.

 

A Course In Miracles is one of the main “routes” I am taking. It really brings me deeper and deeper to who I really am. I can see that guilt and shame are just illusions. Forgiveness is taught as seeing that what we thought what’s true is just an illusion. That may sound simple, but the ideas of ACIM are so beautiful in my opinion. I can see now that my feelings of guilt were really an crazy belief and not true. 

Yes, I had to quit working. Already 28 years ago. I was a workaholic and a perfectionist when I look back. But I see now also that there was a lot of fear underneath. Fear of being not good enough, fear of failure. There was a huge trauma underneath from my early childhood. That is also where I developed my ideas of guilt. Now I can see that I was not to blame at all. At the contrary… But that is how children often react. As if they are to blame.

 

I lost a lot of (superficial) contacts after my burnout 28 years ago. But I have found so much better (loving) contacts after that happened. My life changed dramatically. I tried to fight myself back, but I did not succeed. It took me many years to accept. Also because I was taught as a child that people who do not reach “the top” are losers…

I am leading an easier life now. Got rid of most material stuff that I do not really need. It was consuming too much of my time and energy. Now I am more focused on spiritual growth and making music.

 

WD of the meds is still frustrating to me, because I would like to do much more than I am able to do. So acceptance is a big thing to learn for me.

 

I understand that tapering faster is a difficult thing for you, with waves coming and going. As I wrote you before, it is quite possible that you are still suffering from WD of the Wellbutrin. In my case WD effects were there for at least 8 months after every small taper of Wellbutrin, after I got under a dose of approximately 60mg per day. 

 

Since I am only tapering Prozac I am having relatively short waves (2 weeks or so) and more and more windows. Only when I go too fast with tapering Prozac, waves are deeper and longer.

 

So maybe you will be able to taper Lexapro easier again in some months. It is really extreme how long my WD took after the last dosage changes of Wellbutrin. It is now more than a year since I tapered Wellbutrin.

 

If there is something I can help you with, just let me know. 

 

Lots of blessings and Love!

1993    Anafranil (Clomipramine) for a few months. Later in 1993 Paxil for a few months 1993- 2006      No medication

2006   Effexor, Cymbalta, some Benzo’s. All for short periods. Later in 2006 Lexapro (escitalopram) 10 mg and shortly after Wellbutrin XR 150mg, against side effects Lexapro 

Since 2006 until end of 2015: Several times on and off Lexapro and Wellbutrin and several slight dosage changes. Mostly taken dosages: 5mg Lexapro and 150mg Wellbutrin

2016  Dosage change Lexapro from 5mg to 2,5 mg. Wellbutrin stayed om 150mg

November 2016 – April 2017 Down from 2,5mg to 0,6mg Lexapro (in steps) without much problems. Wellbutrin down from 150mg to 66mg. Also without much problems.

April 2017 – March 2019       Lexapro 0,6 mg        April 2017 - August 2018       Wellbutrin in small steps down from 66mg in to 37,5 mg . Quite heavy WD after each step.

March 2019 – May 2019 Lexapro down from 0,6 to 0,3mg then Prozac to 0,6 mg switch because severe discontinuation effects (may also have been from Wellbutrin..)    

Wellbutrin down from 37,5mg to 35,3mg 

October 2019        Seroquel 12,5 mg for 4 weeks because of extreme sleeping problems, then weaning off in 2 weeks       Prozac up dosage to 1,2 mg

February 2020 – November 2020   Prozac down in steps from 1,2mg to 0,57mg. Jan 2021 0,55> 0,53>0,51mg  Feb 0,47mg  ,Mar 0,42mg, Apr 0,37

March 2020     Wellbutrin in 2 steps down from 35,3mg to 33,3mg   Extreme withdrawal affects during 8 months. Stopped tapering Wellbutrin  until total off Prozac.

Supplements: Fish Oil (3000mg), Magnesium 100 mg, 2 drops of Lavender Oil when feeling anxiety. 50mg of L-Theanine when severe discontinuation effects caused by Wellbutrin

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27 minutes ago, Go2zero said:

A Course In Miracles is one of the main “routes” I am taking. It really brings me deeper and deeper to who I really am. I can see that guilt and shame are just illusions. Forgiveness is taught as seeing that what we thought what’s true is just an illusion. That may sound simple, but the ideas of ACIM are so beautiful in my opinion. I can see now that my feelings of guilt were really an crazy belief and not true. 

Yes, I had to quit working. Already 28 years ago. I was a workaholic and a perfectionist when I look back. But I see now also that there was a lot of fear underneath. Fear of being not good enough, fear of failure. There was a huge trauma underneath from my early childhood. That is also where I developed my ideas of guilt. Now I can see that I was not to blame at all. At the contrary… But that is how children often react. As if they are to blame.

 

Hi @Go2zero,

 

this sounds very promising and i know we will get through all of this and our lives back.

 

Sending you lots of healing!

 

Greetings

 

 

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2021 IMPORTANT WITHDRAWAL SURVEY, PLEASE PARTICIPATE: https://uelpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0AR9IsQ61jsiXBk

2021 IMPORTANT WITHDRAWAL SURVEY, PLEASE PARTICIPATE: https://uelpsych.eu.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_0AR9IsQ61jsiXBk

 

non-native speaker of english

3-March 2020 started Mirtazapine 15mg
3-March to 6-april aprx cutting to 0 mg
6-April to 20-April -> ~ 7,5 mg,

21-April to 31-April -> 15 mg,

1-May to 13-May -> ~ 10 mg (approx),

15-May to 19-July -> 15 mg (psychosomatic clinic)
started taper with scale and file: 19-July 2020 -> 14 mg (-6,6%), 08-August -> 12 mg (-14,3 %), 27-August -> 10 mg (-16,6 %), 15-September -> 8 mg (-20 %, bad idea, heavy WD) 23-September -> 10.2 mg (+20 %, 102 mgpw) from here windows and waves...holding

 

Supplements: 2 x 250 mg magnesiumbiglycinate daily, low histamin diet

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