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☼ KenA: 8 months in withdrawal after CT


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  • Mentor

Hi All,

New to the support forums here. Have been in withdrawals for approx 8 months from taking an herbal supplement called St Johns for around 8 years or so. In August of last year I had a health scare and when I was at the hospital I was told to stop taking St. Johns Wort immediately because it would interfere with the medications they placed me on for blood pressure. Not knowing any better I cold turkey quit taking them. I was ok for the first month or so, but as time went on I started having all of the classic withdrawal symptoms that are mentioned here. Anxiety, depression, DP/DR, memory issues, cog fog, digestive issues, heart palpatations, hot flashes and cold chills, intrusive thoughts, confusion, blurry vision and many more. I still experience these symptoms pretty much daily with the exception of a window for a few hours or so maybe 2-3 days a week. Wanting to join the forums to reach out and keep in touch with others who are going through this process to support each other and help keep motivated :) Also, I am constantly reading the success stories and reminding myself that healing is taking place and even though the healing feels like it is taking forever, I hold on to hope that one day I will be healed. I know that God is helping me through this process and I hold on to the hope every day for a positive outcome!

 

Ken 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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Imagine how strong we are gonna be

@ChessieCat Thank you so much for sharing the link. I will def take the advice to heart for sure   I am now 14 months completely drug free. I was one of those who didn't know any bette

Thanks for coming back to update us, @KenA The Success Stories forum awaits....

  • Moderator

Welcome to SA, KenA.  I'm sorry you're going through this.  The symptoms you describe are typical withdrawal symptoms.

 

This information unfortunately is reaching you a bit late, but St. John's Wort needs to be tapered just like pharmaceutical psychiatric drugs.  

Tapering St. John's wort - Tapering - Surviving Antidepressants

 

It's very encouraging that you're experiencing some windows.  We can't predict how long it's going to take to recover, but the windows are an excellent sign.

 

So that you have a better idea of what you're experiencing, here is some information on withdrawal and healing.

 

What is withdrawal syndrome.

 

Glenmullen’s withdrawal symptom list.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

When we take psychiatric medications, the CNS (central nervous system) responds by making changes over the months and years we take the drug(s). When the medication is discontinued, the CNS has to undo all the changes it made. Rebuilding the neurotransmitter production and reactivating the receptor and transporter cells takes time -- during that rebuilding process symptoms occur.  

 

These explain the healing process really well:

 

Video:  Healing From Antidepressants - Patterns of Recovery

 

   On 8/30/2011 at 2:28 PM,  Rhiannon said: 
When we stop taking the drug, we have a brain that has designed itself so that it works in the presence of the drug; now it can't work properly without the drug because it's designed itself so that the drug is part of its chemistry and structure. It's like a plant that has grown on a trellis; you can't just yank out the trellis and expect the plant to be okay. When the drug is removed, the remodeling process has to take place in reverse. SO--it's not a matter of just getting the drug out of your system and moving on. If it were that simple, none of us would be here. It's a matter of, as I describe it, having to grow a new brain. I believe this growing-a-new-brain happens throughout the taper process if the taper is slow enough. (If it's too fast, then there's not a lot of time for actually rebalancing things, and basically the brain is just pedaling fast trying to keep us alive.) It also continues to happen, probably for longer than the symptoms actually last, throughout the time of recovery after we are completely off the drug, which is why recovery takes so long.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

These links are helpful in dealing with anxiety.  I've had good results from the last link about the yoga posture.

 

 

 
This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.
 
 
 
 
 

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Oct 13: 8.1 mg 

Taper is 56.8% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor

Hi Gridley,

Thank you so much for responding! I will def read through all the information you have provided! Thank you for your support!!

 

Ken

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • manymoretodays changed the title to KenA: 8 Months in Withdrawal
  • 1 month later...
  • Mentor

Almost 10 Month Update:

So it's been about a month and a half since I posted and just wanted to give an update. I have seen some improvements over the last 6 weeks and also some different symptoms pop up. The depression has gotten much less extreme and it is easier to get through them when it happens. Still have some pretty strong morning anxiety with intrusive thoughts, but either I'm just getting used to it, or it's getting lesser in intensity. The DP/DR is still pretty strong most every day, but it usually fades out in the evenings. I have noticed that I am getting more and more evening windows where I don't have the symptoms as strongly as I do during the course of the day! I still have tinnitus which has been pretty loud for the last couple of weeks, but from what I've read in the forums, that is pretty normal and should resolve with time!! One thing I have finally grasped after almost 10 months is that this is just going to take time!! I'm learning how to be patient and accept what is happening to me and roll with it instead of fighting against it!! Don't get me wrong, I still have bad days where I get very down and the intrusive thoughts tell me that I will never heal and I'm broken for life, but I know that they are just w/d thoughts and will eventually fade away like everything else!! One thing new that has come up is with my vision. It has gotten more blurry than in the past and I've found I have to use reading glasses most of the time now where I never did before. Then again, that could have to do with me getting a bit older, but it is strange timing for it to have come up as quickly as it did. Other than that, I really am starting to feel a bit better. I know I still have a ways to go, but compared to 6 months ago and even 3 months ago I am noticing improvement. I keep a journal and track daily how I feel and what I feel so it is good to be able to go back and see where I was compared to where I am now! Healing is happening!! Just have to stay patient and see this through to the end!! 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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catarina7000
3 hours ago, KenA said:

Then again, that could have to do with me getting a bit older, 

 

Just wondering how you old you are? I am 40 and I wonder if that is good or bad for recovery. I feel like I'm in the middle ground.

May 2016: Paxil 10 mg

November 2017 – December 2017: Start of paxil taper.

September 2018 – Paxil 8.5 mg.

October 1, 2018: Started Depakote at 125 mg (full pill).

October 7, 2018: Depakote roughly 60 mg.

October 15, 2018: Depakote roughly 30 mg.

October 2018 – December 2018: Went up and down on the Depakote dosage until holding at ¼ pill.

February 2019: Paxil - 10 mg to 5 mg.

April/May 2019: Trintellix 10 mg. Stopped 2-3 weeks later.

September 23, 2019: Nortriptyline 10 mg.

October 21, 2019: Amitryptiline 10 mg. Stopped Nortriptyline 10 mg.

I TAKE PAXIL 5 mg AT 11 AM, AMITRIPTILINE 10 mg AT 7 PM, DEPAKOTE 30 mg AT 10 PM

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  • Mentor

@catarina7000

I just turned 40 in March myself. I honestly feel that anytime starting is better than waiting!! Yes, it has been a very hard almost 10 months, but I truly do believe in healing and I know one day I will be writing a success story of my own! Hang in there, we've got this!

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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catarina7000
4 hours ago, KenA said:

@catarina7000

I just turned 40 in March myself. I honestly feel that anytime starting is better than waiting!! Yes, it has been a very hard almost 10 months, but I truly do believe in healing and I know one day I will be writing a success story of my own! Hang in there, we've got this!

 

Good luck to you! It's tough but we can do this!

May 2016: Paxil 10 mg

November 2017 – December 2017: Start of paxil taper.

September 2018 – Paxil 8.5 mg.

October 1, 2018: Started Depakote at 125 mg (full pill).

October 7, 2018: Depakote roughly 60 mg.

October 15, 2018: Depakote roughly 30 mg.

October 2018 – December 2018: Went up and down on the Depakote dosage until holding at ¼ pill.

February 2019: Paxil - 10 mg to 5 mg.

April/May 2019: Trintellix 10 mg. Stopped 2-3 weeks later.

September 23, 2019: Nortriptyline 10 mg.

October 21, 2019: Amitryptiline 10 mg. Stopped Nortriptyline 10 mg.

I TAKE PAXIL 5 mg AT 11 AM, AMITRIPTILINE 10 mg AT 7 PM, DEPAKOTE 30 mg AT 10 PM

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  • Mentor

We sure can!! 

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • 2 months later...
  • Mentor

Hi everyone!! Welp, I have made it to the one year mark!! And what a roller coaster ride it has been!! During month 10 and 11 I truly saw some amazing improvement! The insomnia has mostly gone for now. I usually sleep a good 5-6 hours per night with the occasional 7 thrown in there. The chemical depression is very rare now days. I have had it come on a few days here recently, but I just keep reminding myself that this is non-linear healing. Symptoms that I thought were gone can come back at any time!! The morning anxiety has gotten less and less often as well. It still does happen, especially the last week or so, but I am going through a wave period right now, so a lot of the symptoms that have lessened or gone away during months 10 & 11 are coming back to visit me right now. The tinnitus has greatly improved!! It is usually so quiet most days that it can be ignored. DP/DR seems to be one of my biggest symptoms now and I usually still experience it pretty much on a daily basis, but compared to 3 months ago it is not as intense at is usually was. I'm still hanging in there and taking things one day at a time. Most days now are pretty good and I can carry with my life for the most part. I know I still have a ways to go, but overall things are trending in the right direction :) Even on a day like today where I am experiencing a pretty strong wave, I am just accepting what is happening and rolling with it! I know tomorrow is another day and I could feel amazing tomorrow. Gotta love this non-linear healing right? Take care everyone!! Till the next update!

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to KenA: 8 months in sithdrawal

@KenA,

 

Hey Ken, It's great to hear this! DO you think that you're confident in your ability to heal now?

How are your visual symptoms doing? I tried St Johns Wort for a little while whilst in withdrawal (unbeknowst in withdrawal), and it seemed to affect my vision moreso than anything, hope it will resolve in itself. It's amazing to hear that you're only moving forward, it's good to see a little light.

 

All the best,

 

Icip.

Early September 2019 - One 25mg dose of Sertraline taken.

 

Early October 2019 - Five 25mg doses (pills) of Sertraline taken for five consecutive days.

 

Withdrawal/reaction happened on the 27th of October (2019) in the evening.

 

Symptoms that have gone: Joint and muscle pain/weakness in my legs, phantom senses, chemical dread, chemical fear, DP/DR has gotten a lot lot better than what it is now, it was one of my worst and all-encompassing symptoms when it started, awful aphasia, parkinsonism, head pressure, pressure in my frontal lobe when trying to think/work out something, inability to plan or execute anything//feelings of being literally scatterbrained, inability to think in my head other than slight acknowledgements - the voice in my head sounded weak and 'small' like it was restrained to a much smaller area of my brain, constant fatigue, emotional numbness, constant eyestrain, and changes in perception of colour/contrast in sight.

 

Main remaining symptoms: Visual Snow/HPPD, derealisation, tinnitus, and brain/cog fog.

 

Drug free.

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  • ChessieCat changed the title to KenA: 8 months in withdrawal
  • Mentor

@Icip

I truly do believe at some point healing will be complete and i will be able to live a normal life free of the symptoms and hard times from this. I have had too many good days at this point to make me realize that we all will eventually heal. If this was going to be permanent then I wouldn't have the days where I almost feel completely normal. I've had a couple of them recently where I felt good all day long. No symptoms except a bit of tinnitus. So I have to believe that if I can have a good day, then eventually I will have a good 2 days, then 3, then a week and so on. My vision has gotten better. Still have a bit of blurriness in the evenings, but I figure a part of that is eye strain / tiredness. Plus I am 40 now so it's expected my eyes will get a little worse off. Slowly but surely moving forward my friend. This truly is a one day at a time battle, but looking back over the past year I have realized that even though some days seem to drag out and take forever, the weeks are flying by. One thing that really helped me is acceptance. Most days now I can just let the symptoms go by and wait for them to pass. I still have a few days where they get to me, but those days are becoming further and further apart and less often :) We've got this for sure!! One day we will be writing a success story as well :)

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • 1 month later...
  • Mentor

Hi everyone!! Made it to month 14 and still going on :) It's been a very interesting month to say the least since the last update! Things have gotten better in a way for sure, but also some symptoms came back that I thought I was done with. When I wrote last I was starting out a wave. That lasted about 8 days. Then I had the most amazing window come on that lasted a good week. Very very minimal symptoms. Followed by a mild wave for 4 days, then wow, had an amazing 22 days of very very mild to no symptoms. Literally only had the tinnitus and a little bit of DP/DR. It was amazing!!! I almost felt that I was ready to write a success story and then bam!! Felt the familiar symptoms starting to come back and sure enough, I have been in a crazy wave for the last 7 days!! Symptoms like insomnia and panic attacks that I thought were done have come back to visit! This non-linear healing is absolutely crazy!!! It's amazing how our brains seem to have to undo fixes that were already done in order to fix other things. Very frustrating to say the least, but I know that in reality this is a good thing. Just means that my brain is making those fixes that need to be done in order to get to 100%! I will say on a plus note, the tinnitus has gotten so much better. It is so quiet now and barely bothers me anymore. The daily headaches that I have had for a year are starting to go away as well. Went all day yesterday with no headache until right before bedtime. Vision also seems to be getting just a smidge bit better. My eyes can focus better and don't get tired as quickly as they were!! But, I'm still just hanging in there and trudging along. One day at a time is the secret to this!! I know that this wave I'm in right now will eventually pass and I will feel even better than before!! One day this battle will be behind us all and we will be writing a success story as well!! Till next month! Take care everyone and remember we've got this!! Every day we keep going is one day closer to our complete healing!!

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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Hi Ken,

 

I feel your pain. I developed tinnitus through adverse reactions and withdrawal. I also get the good and bad days with the volume of the tinnitus. It’s like a barometer for how I’m going to feel as soon as I wake up. 

 

I also relate to how the withdrawal makes you feel like it will never stop when in a wave. It’s such a weird feeling to be positive one day thinking it’s going this time and then, wham! Wake up at square one again...... 

 

Keep the positive reports coming my friend, it helps tremendously to read them. I hope to write some in the not too distant future. I will keep plodding along and enjoy the slightly better days as much as I can! Take care mate and keep powering forward. 

 

 

 

2009 - commenced Paxil 20mg for GAD, OCD. 2010 - switched to lexapro 10mg. 

2017 - straight swap to Prozac, day 4 developed tinnitus, insomnia, OCD, GAD symptoms, Reinstated 10mg lexapro, symptoms improve. 
Jan 2019 - Attempted “slower” taper for 3 months,  med free for 11 weeks and felt ok.

June 2019 - WD symptoms struck. 
July 2019-July 2020 multiple meds from psychiatrist inc:

lexapro up to 40mg for 12 weeks (tinnitus starts) 

Effexor up to 150mg for 7-8 weeks

Zoloft up to 100mg for 12 weeks 

Remeron 6 weeks 

Paxil to 20mg for 12 weeks 

Quick taper CT Paxil in 4 weeks and drug free since July 19, 2020. 

 

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  • Mentor

@woody1981

 

How are you doing today my friend? Yeah, the tinnitus was one of the first symptoms I developed very quickly after stopping the pills. And it is the one that I have had every day throughout this whole process. It truly can be a measure of how the day is going to go. I remember when it first started for me I would go in my bathroom and turn on the heater fan and all the water faucets and cry on the bathroom floor because it would drive me absolutely insane!! But most days now it is very quiet and I hardly notice it at all. There are times where it seems to go completely away and I truly have to think about it to even hear it a bit :)  But from reading about other's experiences it seems that it is one of the last symptoms to leave. Because our CNS is soooooo sensitive right now and the nerves in the ear are so sensitive it seems that's why we get the tinniutus like we do :)

 

Yeah, getting stuck in a wave truly can be disappointing for sure. I am getting them less and less often now and they don't seem to last as long as they used to. When I wrote my last entry I was right in the midst of the worst part of the wave and amazingly it went away yesterday and now I have been in a really great window for almost 48 hours :) It's crazy though because like you said, when we are in the middle of a wave we forget about the windows we get and it seems like it will last forever!! Truly can be sooooooo stressful and after having such nice windows it's almost heartbreaking!! Def feels like being at square one again!! I luckily learned early on to keep a journal and it is such a great way of looking back and reminding myself that there are good days and I have been able to see the improvements I've made and how far along I have come.

 

I can truly tell you that this does get better!! When I first started out I didn't know how I was going to be able to survive this process and every day was agony and torture, but now at 14 months out, I feel so much better than I did. Don't get me wrong I still have bad days, and even up to a week of hard days, but then i get the most amazing windows that let me know that my brain is healing and one day I will feel good again and be past this life experience. Look forward to hearing from you when you do start writing!! I truly do believe that every single one of us will heal at some point and it is inevitable!! As one survivor story I read said, we have no choice but to heal. All we have to do is keep burning time and distract ourselves as best as we can! This too shall pass! Keep powering forward as well my friend and keep in touch!!

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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@KenA

Thank you so much for the encouragement and kind words. Everything you said I want to send straight back at you!

 

It’s just so reassuring to know people

like yourself have such good periods for weeks at a time. As you said when you first start withdrawal the good moments are few and far between.....

Hearing that the tinnitus is quieter and goes at times is amazing. I think the fact I love my silence and quiet times so much makes it so bloody hard to endure the screaming ears.....
 

I have noticed that I’m not as emotional as I was  the first 8 weeks off meds. I’m at week 11 now so it’s early days but I feel better then the hell I endured while being a drug experiment, so that’s a positive. I really don’t know what to expect from my withdrawal after being on 5 different drugs the last 10 months. 
 

My bad thoughts have quieted down and the depression isn’t as crippling. Anxiety & panic is manageable and seems to have been replaced a little by some bad fatigue. All in a days work with withdrawal it seems.....😂

 

I’m a stubborn SOB,  I have to prove to myself and the drs who repeatedly said I was relapsing blah blah that it’s not the case, it’s their drugs that cause these issues.


I hope your rolling into a huuuugggeee window right now mate. Keep pushing and I know you will get to 100%. Sending you best wishes from Oz. 

 

 

 

2009 - commenced Paxil 20mg for GAD, OCD. 2010 - switched to lexapro 10mg. 

2017 - straight swap to Prozac, day 4 developed tinnitus, insomnia, OCD, GAD symptoms, Reinstated 10mg lexapro, symptoms improve. 
Jan 2019 - Attempted “slower” taper for 3 months,  med free for 11 weeks and felt ok.

June 2019 - WD symptoms struck. 
July 2019-July 2020 multiple meds from psychiatrist inc:

lexapro up to 40mg for 12 weeks (tinnitus starts) 

Effexor up to 150mg for 7-8 weeks

Zoloft up to 100mg for 12 weeks 

Remeron 6 weeks 

Paxil to 20mg for 12 weeks 

Quick taper CT Paxil in 4 weeks and drug free since July 19, 2020. 

 

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  • Mentor

@woody1981

Of course my friend!! Always here if you wanna chat or need any insights. After 14 months, I've probably experienced every symptom there is to experience and I've made it through all of them. For me the extended windows started around month 10 or so. During months 2-9 I would have a good day here or there, but it felt like a roller coaster. Feeling ok one day, feeling terrible the next and over and over again. I truly did believe that i was broken and that my mind would never be able to heal from this. But in the middle of month 10, I actually had a window that lasted 4 days. It felt like such a miracle and I was soooooo amazed. Then of course the dreaded wave hit me again, but man, for those 4 days I felt almost normal. That's when I knew that I was going to survive this and be ok one day. I think that was the day I finally learned acceptance and that no matter what was going to come my way, I would get through it because the true me was inside still and just waiting for me to heal.

 

At 11 weeks you are still pretty early in the process but I can promise you it will only get better. It takes soooooooooo much time. An unbelievably painful amount of time, but every day we make it through is just a tiny bit closer. I have an amazing friend I made on the forums who has survived the process and is now completely healed after almost 5 years. She has helped me each day when I would get down and negative and remind me that everyone heals. The only difference is how long it takes us!! I went through the fatigue as well my friend and I can assure you it gets better. I had terrible insomnia from all of this for the first 7-8 months where I might would get 2-3 hours of sleep a night, and at least 2-3 days a week with an hour or less. But you know, I survived that and my sleep is 6+ hours a night usually now. And if I do have a bad night, I just chalk it up and let myself have a movie night! :) 

 

Staying stubborn is a good thing!! Believe in yourself and your body and mind's amazing ability to heal themselves from this process. I didn't believe it myself, but I just focused on surviving until one day I noticed I wasn't suffering as much anymore as I used to. It truly is just the drugs that caused this and everything we experience is just our brains repairing themselves and getting back to the way they were supposed to be before these meds we took. Just hang on for the ride my friend and know that one day you will be able to get off the roller coaster we are on and enjoy the rest of the amusement park lol :) It does get better. I'm now on day 6 of this amazing window and I know it's only going to get better and better!! Best wishes back at you from Louisiana in the US. Hurricane central lol :)

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • Mentor

@woody1981

Also, I read through your topic my friend. I noticed you had thought about reinstating to see if it would help. That is a decision that only you can make my friend, but I'll be honest, for me I CT quit all drugs because like you I didn't want them to ever be in my body again. I have survived everything that has come my way and I know that you will as well my friend :) 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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@KenA

Thanks again for the encouragement mate. So great to hear that your going through a window at the moment 👍🏼
 

I did consider the reinstatement but between myself and my fiancé we decided that I would stay away from them. I just can’t do it to myself again..... I’d rather be miserable and incapacitated for a while in recovery then deal with more possible adverse reactions. This sounds weird but my future Recovery has given me something to focus on whilst in withdrawal. I guess that’s all we can do! 
 

I am In a better place now compared to when I was on the drugs and for the first two months off them. It does seem to be easing a tiny amount each week? It’s hard to tell at the moment. 
 

I know a little about hurricanes myself. I spent some years of my childhood in Fiji whilst my dad was located there for work. We copped some big storms! Stay safe my friend and thanks for taking the time to offer all the advice and encouragement. I hope you keep feeling well and your window keeps on going. 

2009 - commenced Paxil 20mg for GAD, OCD. 2010 - switched to lexapro 10mg. 

2017 - straight swap to Prozac, day 4 developed tinnitus, insomnia, OCD, GAD symptoms, Reinstated 10mg lexapro, symptoms improve. 
Jan 2019 - Attempted “slower” taper for 3 months,  med free for 11 weeks and felt ok.

June 2019 - WD symptoms struck. 
July 2019-July 2020 multiple meds from psychiatrist inc:

lexapro up to 40mg for 12 weeks (tinnitus starts) 

Effexor up to 150mg for 7-8 weeks

Zoloft up to 100mg for 12 weeks 

Remeron 6 weeks 

Paxil to 20mg for 12 weeks 

Quick taper CT Paxil in 4 weeks and drug free since July 19, 2020. 

 

Link to post
  • Moderator

Hello KenA ☺

 

Please add a signature.  Include drugs, doses, dates, and discontinuations & reinstatements in the last 12-24 months. Also include supplements. 

  • Any drugs and supplements prior to 24 months ago can just be listed with start and stop years. 
  • Please use actual dates or approximate dates (mid-June, Late October) rather than relative time frames (last week, 3 months ago) 
  • Spell out months, e.g. "October" or "Oct."; 9/1/2016 can be interpreted as Jan. 9, 2016 or Sept. 1, 2016. 
  • Please leave out symptoms and diagnoses. 
  • A list is easier to understand than one or multiple paragraphs. 
  • This is a direct link to your signature:  Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature.

I understand that you have given the info in you posts above but this will appear below every post you make, and allow the other folks to see your history at a glance 😊

2006 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2008 : cold turkey of both

2010 : 20mg Paxil + Bromazepam

2014-June2017 : Switch from Bromazepam to Prazepam, taper to 0.

2018 to August 2019 : Paxil 20mg taper (3% every 15 days).

- 22 Aug 2019 updosed To 10mg (was at 8.4mg)

25th Sept 2019 To April 2020 : found SA, holding at 10mg Paxil. 

April 2020 : Paxil 10mg to Prozac 7mg bridge. Details topic/21457-

 

Current Supplements : magnesium citrate/ fish oil/ evening primrose oil 

 

Current medication :

* 1mg Diazepam (since 29 Aug 2020)

* Prozac : 6.8 mg (15 Sept 2021)/ 6.88mg (14 Aug 2021)/ 6.92mg (23 Jun 2021)

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  • Mentor

@Erell

Signature Added - Thanks for the help :)

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • Mentor

@woody1981

Of course my friend!! We all have to help each other through this trying time of our lives. Most people have no idea what we go through on a daily basis and even when we try to explain it, they still don't understand. I agree, reinstatement for me wasn't something I could do either. I'm the type of person to rip off the band aid and go through the process rather than prolonging it out. I knew it was going to be a long hard process either way so like you i figured let's just get it over with and take the time to get through it.

 

Glad to hear that you are starting to feel a bit better. The acute phase truly is the hardest part of this for most including myself. As more and more time goes by, it will get easier. Of course, because it's a non-linear process it does seem some day that we will feel worse off, but overall we are healing each and every day. Be sure to count the positives and remember that even when you have a bad day, it's just more good healing. As my friend explained it to me, we have to feel bad in order to feel good if that makes any sense :) As more and more time goes by, the windows for me have gotten longer and better. I'm def at the point now of having more good days than bad, and feeling more and more like my old self each and every day. Today is day 9 of this window and while I am still having some minor symptoms, they are pretty easy to accept and keep pushing through and living life :) You will get there as well my friend!!

 

Wow, I can imagine in Fiji there would be some super strong storms!! I live in the northern part of the state, so by the time they make it up our way, it's mostly just a bunch of rain. Hurricane Laura blew over my fence in my backyard, but that's already been fixed up :) Stay safe as well my friend and keep me updated on how you are doing. If you have any questions about anything that I've been through or feelings or symptoms let me know. After almost 15 months, there's not much I haven't experienced. But it has made me stronger and more resilient in the process! Hope you are feeling well also and that you will have a nice window very soon as well!

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

Link to post
  • 3 weeks later...
  • Mentor

Hey everyone!! Month 15 here we go :) Still hanging in there and seeing some small improvements for sure!! Have had a lot of really good windows since the last update!! Still getting some wave days here and there, but there are becoming less often and the symptoms are not as strong as they were. About the only things I really have left is the DP/DR, tinnitus, and occasional morning anxiety w/intrusive thoughts. But even those either I'm just really getting used to them, or they truly are less intense! As more and more times goes by, I'm finding myself feeling more and more like my old self again. I know that I'm not done healing yet, but I'm able to live pretty much every day now without too much inconvenience. My sleep has gone up a bit now and I'm able to get about 6-7 hours a night now with an occasional 8-9 every once in a while. I did have a bad night last week where I only got 3, but I just figure that meant my brain had some more healing to do that night. The tinnitus is mostly just low level background ringing that I can pretty much ignore most days. It is still there and on occasion will get a bit loud, but most days I can ignore it and not even notice it. I know it is going to take as much time as it takes for it to go away, so i will continue to be patient and wait for it to eventually go like almost everything else has. As for the DP/DR, it really is strange. I can be going on about my business and then out of nowhere it will hit me and it's like I'm not myself, or I'm myself but confused about what's going on around me. I call it my mind slip almost like my brain has kicked out of gear and I have to wait for it to kick back in gear. Still gets a bit scary at times, but it's def not a strong as it used to be. Other than that, just hanging in there and taking this one day at a time. That truly is the secret to all of this. Time, Time and more Time!! I know that one day everything will go away 100% and at that time I will be ready to write my success story!! Till next month, take care everyone!! Be gentle with yourself and stay the course!! We've got this it does get better!!

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • Moderator

@KenA

 

That's a great update, KenA.  I really happy you're doing so well.

Gridley Introduction

 

Lexapro 20 mg since 2004.  Begin Brassmonkey Slide Taper Jan. 2017.   

End 2017 year 1 of taper at 9.25mg 

End 2018 year 2 of taper at 4.1mg

End 2019 year 3 of taper at 1.0mg  

Oct. 30, 2020  Jump to zero from 0.025mg.  Current dose: 0.000mg

3 year, 10 month taper is 100% complete.

 

Ativan 1 mg to 1.875mg 1986-2020, two CT's and reinstatements

Nov. 2020, 7-week Ativan-Valium crossover to 18.75mg 

Feb. 2021, begin 10%/4 week taper.  Current dose as of Oct 13: 8.1 mg 

Taper is 56.8% complete.

 

Imipramine 75 mg daily since 1986.  Jan-Sept 2016 tapered to 16mg.  

Held until Aug 2021, tapered for 4 weeks to 14.4mg and holding.  

Taper is 80% complete.  

  

Supplements: omega-3, vitamins C, E and D3, magnesium glycinate, probiotic, zinc, melatonin .3mg


I am not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, but simply information based on my own experience, as well as other members who have survived these drugs.

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  • Mentor

@Gridley

Hope you are doing well also!

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Because you're feeling better, I added our cheerful "here comes the sun" symbol ☼ to the title of your Intro topic, to show you're recovering.

 

Please continue to let us know how you're doing. I hope you will add your story to our Recovery Success Stories eventually!

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...

@KenA

Hi mate, glad to hear your feeling well. I’m at four months and it’s pretty brutal still. I never had depression before and it is smashing me during withdrawal. But I know it will get better. I let myself cry when I need to, something I have not experienced before. It’s like a pressure that builds up and your body knows what to do and that’s just to have a good break down. 
I hope your still in a window 🙂

2009 - commenced Paxil 20mg for GAD, OCD. 2010 - switched to lexapro 10mg. 

2017 - straight swap to Prozac, day 4 developed tinnitus, insomnia, OCD, GAD symptoms, Reinstated 10mg lexapro, symptoms improve. 
Jan 2019 - Attempted “slower” taper for 3 months,  med free for 11 weeks and felt ok.

June 2019 - WD symptoms struck. 
July 2019-July 2020 multiple meds from psychiatrist inc:

lexapro up to 40mg for 12 weeks (tinnitus starts) 

Effexor up to 150mg for 7-8 weeks

Zoloft up to 100mg for 12 weeks 

Remeron 6 weeks 

Paxil to 20mg for 12 weeks 

Quick taper CT Paxil in 4 weeks and drug free since July 19, 2020. 

 

Link to post
  • Mentor

@woody1981

Hey there. It's good to hear from you my friend! Yeah, I actually just came out of a 17 day wave and now on day 4 of a very very nice window. Only 2-3 minor symptoms that are easy to ignore!! That last wave though, wow, it kinda kicked my butt. It wasn't very strong symptoms, but they just hung on forever!! Kept waking up and feeling like it was groundhog day! But, I just waited it out knowing that it would break at some point, and it sure did! I am feeling good now!!

 

Sorry to hear about the depression my friend!! I know how rough it can be!! 4 months is still really early in and you are doing amazing!!! In month 4 I was still in acute w/d and I remember how brutal it was. Waking up every morning feeling just as bad as when I went to sleep the night before!! You are a trooper for going through this and I promise it will get better!! The depression is super hard for sure, especially if you have never experienced it before!! I know it shocked me how brutal and gut wrenching it can be. I would tell my wife it felt like my soul had been ripped out and I had an empty pit in the middle of my chest that couldn't be filled. It was physically painful but just a super kind of ache!! It will get better though!!! You are correct, a good cry is completely ok!! Nothing wrong with letting it out because it really is painful and hard to handle. But you can do it!!! I know you can!! Mine started really getting better around month 10 and I rarely have the hard depression anymore. I like to just call it sadness now. Some days I just feel down, but it always passes!! And it will for you as well!!

 

I had a good friend of mine who survived w/d tell me to not think about it as depression, but to just to think about it as being super sad. She said depressed people curl up under the covers in bed all day and won't do anything. We still get up and carry on life as best we can. This is just an imbalance in our brains that is getting fixed. The receptors are getting turned back on and for a while it truly is a battle of the extremes. I would also think of the panic attacks and anxiety as just an overexcitement :) Once our brains rebalance everything and get it all fixed we will feel good again!!

 

Keep hanging in there my friend!!! It will get better I promise!! If you need any help or support don't hesitate!

 

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Your post reminded me of the Cat giving mental health advice cartoons

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • Mentor

@ChessieCat

I was very fortunate early on to meet the most wonderful person who has helped me and guided me through every step of this process!! She truly is amazing and just a true blessing in my life :) Like she told me, it took her almost 4 years to heal, but she made it and is completely healed and I can do it too :)

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • Moderator Emeritus

You have been very fortunate to have a "personal trainer".

 

Is this person an SA member?  If not, would they be willing to join and write a success story?  They really help the members.

 

Part of SA's mission is to educate the medical profession.

 

On 5/15/2011 at 5:22 AM, Altostrata said:

 

With our documentation of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome, we hope to educate the medical establishment about this problem. Case studies are essential; they are evidence understood by doctors, the psychiatric industry, and government regulatory agencies. The have already informed numerous articles in major publications and scientific papers.

Our hope is, eventually, antidepressants and other psychiatric drugs will be prescribed rarely, and only in cases of extremely severe mental illness after less invasive treatments have been tried.

Please join Surviving Antidepressants in its mission to support, document, and educate about psychiatric drug withdrawal syndrome.

 

 

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post
  • Mentor

@ChessieCat

I actually met her on Benzobuddies. Her username on there is Pacodoo. I'm not sure if she is on SA to be honest with you. But she does have her success story over on BB. 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

Unfortunately it is not possible to view it unless you are a member.  There is a topic in the Success Forum that you might post the above information in:

 

 

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

Link to post

@KenA

Thanks for the encouragement and support. It really does mean a lot to me. This whole process is so far removed from my usual life and personality. The meds did slow me down and I felt a little blah sometimes, but I was never depressed or doubted my abilities and direction in life. Withdrawal/adverse reaction has just derailed my life and I think accepting that is so hard and out of my control....

 

I keep re-living bad memories over and over. I also continually ruminate over bad decisions regarding business and family life that I forgot about years ago..... it’s horrid and they play like a movie in my mind. It’s like it feeds on your guilt and regrets, I guess that’s the depression and anxiety talking. 


But reading comments like yours and making sure I try to put one foot in front of the other, day by day, shows me I can keep going to get through this c#%p. 


Im glad your wave symptoms are diminishing when they occur, such awesome news!. This must be a great feeling, knowing that you are healing and will continue to. It makes me happy to know this and keeps me motivated to get there as well. Just ignoring the thoughts that say I’m different and won’t heal. 
 

Thanks again my friend and I hope your still feeling great! 
 

2009 - commenced Paxil 20mg for GAD, OCD. 2010 - switched to lexapro 10mg. 

2017 - straight swap to Prozac, day 4 developed tinnitus, insomnia, OCD, GAD symptoms, Reinstated 10mg lexapro, symptoms improve. 
Jan 2019 - Attempted “slower” taper for 3 months,  med free for 11 weeks and felt ok.

June 2019 - WD symptoms struck. 
July 2019-July 2020 multiple meds from psychiatrist inc:

lexapro up to 40mg for 12 weeks (tinnitus starts) 

Effexor up to 150mg for 7-8 weeks

Zoloft up to 100mg for 12 weeks 

Remeron 6 weeks 

Paxil to 20mg for 12 weeks 

Quick taper CT Paxil in 4 weeks and drug free since July 19, 2020. 

 

Link to post
  • Mentor

@woody1981

Our course my friend!! This whole process is so crazy and wild that is truly is hard to believe at times!! For the longest time I was hoping that I would just wake up and it all would have been a bad dream!! Accepting that this is our lives now can be extremely hard to do. But the best thing is that it truly is temporary!! This is not who we are going to be the rest of our lives!! Someone once said to me that you can't say this condition is permanent because until you are dead, nothing is permanent. Anything can and will change!!  Acceptance for me took a really really long time! I would say I probably didn't accept this for a good 8-9 months. I fought and fought and ended up making it so much harder on myself. When I finally realized that no matter what I did, I was going to feel like this, it got easier. It didn't get really better, but it got easier to handle. I told myself that I was just going to feel this way for as long as it takes, but I reminded myself over and over and over that this wouldn't be forever! I would think of myself as a caterpillar trapped in a cocoon just waiting to burst free one day. At almost 16 months now, I finally feel like I'm starting to break out of the cocoon. This truly is a process that just takes time and more time!

 

As far as the bad memories yep that 100% for sure happens. Questions over why you started taking the meds in the first place, questions over every decision you have ever made in your life. Replaying things over and over again in your mind. Yep, it is 100% part of the anxiety and depression for sure! When that starts to happen and you find yourself stuck in a cycle, go and do something to distract yourself. Go for a nice long walk and tire yourself out. Blare some loud music! Go find a friend and get into a conversation! Find a craft or hobby and throw yourself 100 percent into it! I would work on Paint-By-Numbers for hours and hours. One day I walked over 3 miles until I was able to break the cycle and calm down. A friend of mine told me that at some point I would have to look into the black hole and make a decision. If I was going to let it suck me down or was I going to step away from it. I made the decision to back away from the black hole and keep on living!! You will do the same for sure my friend!!

 

Like you said, one step in front of the other!! You can do it and you will do it I know for sure!! How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!! As more and more time goes on, you will notice that some symptoms have gotten easier or are not as bothersome as they once were. They may even temporarily go away for a while. That is how you know that your brain is healing and getting better. I started writing in a journal when this all started and I do every single day. At the end of every day, I find something positive to write about no matter what it was. Even if it's just surviving the day and making it back to the bed, hey, its one day closer than you were. A buddy of mine would tell me "Just make it to the pillow Ken". And that was my mantra for a long time. I would get up each morning and go about my day telling myself to just make it back to the pillow. And you know what, it got me through the days!

 

The waves def are getting better. When I first started getting small windows it felt like a roller coaster. Feeling good one moment, then like crap 20 mins later, then good again an hour after that. It was absolutely nuts!! But, the peaks and valleys slowly slowly slowly started to level out. I would tell myself all the time that this is like a roller coaster, you have to go down to get back up, and you have to go up to get back down. For some reason it helped to calm me to think of things like that! 

 

I promise you are not the exception to the rule! Everyone heals I truly do believe that!! I know how it feels to feel like you are not going to heal. That you are the one person that is just not going to get better. But that is just a lie that your brain is telling you. It's our scared inner self that is telling us this, but it is a lie. We are going to heal!! Believe in that 100%!! I didn't for the longest time, but when I started getting better and better I truly did start believing!! And now, I get the most amazing extended windows that give me a glimpse of the future, and I know it's going to be grand!!! Just have to keep hanging on until that day arrives!!

 

Today is day 6 of this window and I have to say, it truly is the best one yet!! With the exception of a couple of very very minor symptoms I feel almost normal again!! You will feel this way too again one day!!

 

Stay strong my friend!! You can and will do this!! 

 

Ken

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

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  • Mentor

@ChessieCat

If you would like I can copy and post her success story in that topic if that would work :)

 

2010-2011 - Tramadol - Can't remember dosage

2011 - CT Quit Tramadol

2011-2019 - St Johns Wart - Started out at 3 Pills a day (300 MG) and increased to 6 per day over the years

August 2019 - CT Quit St Johns (Told by Hospital Dr to Stop Taking due to increased BP)

September 2019 - Citalopram 10mg - Approx 2 weeks - CT Quit

September 2019 - October 2019 - Clonazepam .5mg - Approx 3 weeks - CT Quit

Drug Free Since October 5th 2019

Link to post
  • Moderator Emeritus

That would be great, but I'd like you to get her permission and then state that in the post too please.

 

Thank you.

So close to the end!!!

🏁

Current from 16 October 2021:  Pristiq 0.005mg

ADs since ~1992:  25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015 

My full tapering program     My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)    My website

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

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  • Altostrata changed the title to ☼ KenA: 8 months in withdrawal after CT
  • Go2zero locked this topic
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