Potatoghost: Long story

[Potatoghost]

Potatoghost

 

Hi sorry this is going to be a bit long but I'll try and keep it as short as possible. 

 

I was originally on citalopram 20mg for 5 years. It worked amazingly well for me after a bad bout of anxiety and depression.

It seemed to stop working after 5 years so my GP added in mirtazipine 30mg. After 6 weeks of being on mirtazipine I felt severely depressed to the point I didn't want to carry on any more. And it would give me waves of dread and despair. So my GP took me off mirtazipine and put my citalopram up to 40mg. I slowly started having waves of feeling better and anxiety and depression free. At 12 weeks I had a big blip and the GP said they arent working for me anymore so switched me to sertraline 50mg. I only lasted six weeks on sertraline as I was getting worse and worse the whole time i was on it to the point i went to a crisis centre who got in contact with a different GP. Who said that 12 weeks wasn't long enough to see if citalopram was working after changing meds. So i was put back on citalopram. I made my way up to 30mg and stayed there for 6 months and had no relief in anxiety it seemed to get worse. 

Muscle aches

Diarreah

Brain fog

Headaches

Blurry vision

Weakness

Palpitations 24/7

Depression.

Resting heart rate of about 160. 

I tried to power through because I knew I had to just ride it out but at 10 weeks the depression came back on and off but every time it resurfaced it was worse than the time before until I had a full breakdown again after 6 months of feeling so unwell.. So I have been switched to lexapro as they thought it might work as it's similar to citalopram which worked for me originally. 

 

I am 10 days into 10mg of lexapro and my depression is severe again. I'm fed up of being changed all the time and just want to feel better as this is no life to live. My partner and I are expecting a baby in 4 months and this has put the fear of god in me that I wont be well enough to look after the baby x 

Thank you and sorry it's such a long post

Edited May 3, 2020 by Gridley

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Potatoghost.  I'm sorry you're going through this.

 

I've brought your situation to the attention of the other moderators.

[sunnysideup69]

Hello dear @Potatoghost, I'm so glad you have found your way here...good to see you in here, it will be a lot more helpful than some other forums that we've both been in, for sure.

 

If you take a look at my 'drug signature' below this post, or Gridley's above, you'll see what you'll be asked to do, to condense your drug history and make it easier to see at a glance. You should also add if you've ever used any benzos. 

 

You'll get good help and support here xxx

[Altostrata]

Welcome, potatoghost.

 

Aside from "depression," are you feeling better?

[Potatoghost]

Thank you @sunnysideup69 I'll do that shortly x I think that will definitely help to clear things up a bit x 

 

@Altostrata

Hi x no nothing. Not feeling better really x I havent been on lexapro long x only 11 days and feeling worse but apparently that's pretty normal when starting a new Antidepressant x been trying to feel some relief for over a year and a half now  😰 x 

[Altostrata]

How are you feeling worse?

 

What times of day do you take your drugs, at what dosages? Are your symptoms better or worse at any particular times of day?

 

9 hours ago, Potatoghost said:

feeling worse but apparently that's pretty normal when starting a new Antidepressant

 

When starting a new antidepressant, what this means is the dosage is too high. When reinstating a drug to address withdrawal syndrome, feeling worse is never "normal."

[Potatoghost]

@Altostrata

Thanks for replying. 😊

I take 10mg of lexapro at 11pm as it makes me pretty tired so I sleep a bit better. I have only been on the lexapro a total of 10 days now on 10mg. 

 

Do you think that the dose I have started on could be too high then? It's the lowest theraputic dose of lexapro. I thought it was pretty normal for anxiety and depression to get worse when starting an antidepressant as I have heard a lot of people say the same thing and have always got worse before better when starting a new one. 🤔. Apart from citalopram the first time round.

So is that not true that depression and anxiety gets worse at first?? 

 

My symptoms are always worse in the mornings. Mornings are definitely  the worst but my anxiety symptoms do change a lot.

 

Thank you 😊

[Altostrata]

How has your morning anxiety changed? What time does this start?

 

If you can sleep on Lexapro, it's unlikely it is causing anxiety in the morning.

 

6 minutes ago, Potatoghost said:

It's the lowest theraputic dose of lexapro.

 

"Therapeutic dose" is irrelevant when dealing with withdrawal symptoms.

 

To help us out, follow these instructions Please put your drug and withdrawal history in your signature You may need to use a computer to do this.

[Potatoghost]

@Altostrata

I tried to put my withdrawals history in my signature but i need to use a computer so will update that tomorrow

 

So my anxiety is worsening the sense that I feel a lot more anxious physically aswell as mentally. My mind races I feel full of dread. Shakey palpitations and panicky. Whereas in the evening i still have the palpitations but feel like my brain fog is worse so I'm not as panicky but feel anxious in a different way. 

Like even if I dont feel mentally anxious and I'm not worrying I still feel physically anxious. It's so hard to explain. X 

 

So can you explain a little bit more about what you mean when you say " theraputic dose is irrelevant when dealing with withdrawals"? 

I'm a bit slow atm with this brain fog. Thank you 😊

 

[Altostrata]

We don't treat "depression" here, so we're not concerned with "therapeutic dose".

 

When does this symptom start in the morning? Does it occur every morning? How long does it last?

[sunnysideup69]

You've gotta understand that there IS no such thing as a therapeutic dose, @Potatoghost. Different dosages work for different people in alleviating symptoms. Generally, this is an arbitrary thing. Most of us would have shown a response to much lower dosing, but the concept of 'therapeutic dosing' was what caused us to be e.g. started on 10mg and moved to 20mg, etc.

 

If you answer Alto's questions, some sense might be made of what's causing what. I think we're similar in that we've both kindled our nervous systems by switching around. Keeping on changing and going up and down doesn't actually help, it just makes things worse. That's why when you asked me on messenger

 

On 5/4/2020 at 10:11 PM, Potatoghost said:

 

Do you think that the dose I have started on could be too high then? It's the lowest theraputic dose of lexapro. I thought it was pretty normal for anxiety and depression to get worse when starting an antidepressant as I have heard a lot of people say the same thing and have always got worse before better when starting a new one. 🤔. Apart from citalopram the first time round.

So is that not true that depression and anxiety gets worse at first? 

 

Isn't it interesting that, the first time you used Citalopram, you didn't get worse before better. You just felt better, right? It was the same for me. It was only the NEXT time I tried to start it, I felt worse before better, and with subsequent updoses. We do feel worse, because our nervous systems have already been compromised by that initial use of the drug. 

 

I hope you'll stick with answering the questions. I should have explained it's a site for going OFF antidepressants, eventually. That may not be what you want to doright now, but you can at least figure out here what is going on and how to gradually stabilise, which is probably your main goal, I'm guessing. And you'll realise by what you learn here that switching/ upping dose is not the cure-all it's made out to be.