Shep's Success: "Leaving Plato's Cave"

[arbor]

I can't thank you enough, @Shep for your sharing of your heart and journey.🙏

[Shep]

21 hours ago, Hanna72 said:

I have learned so much from you shep, your enthusiasm and determination is contagious.

What an inspiration you are. 

 

Thanks, Hanna. In this case, it's good to be contagious! Please spread the good vibes around. 

[Shep]

16 hours ago, arbor said:

I can't thank you enough, @Shep for your sharing of your heart and journey.🙏

 

Thanks, Arbor. I'm paying it forward, as they say. 

[Mia1]

I just read your entire story, thank you for sharing it. 💗

[Shep]

17 hours ago, Mia1 said:

I just read your entire story, thank you for sharing it. 💗

 

You're welcome, Mia. 

[Moonpie]

You are incredible Shep.  A testimony to so many qualities most of all courage and perseverence.  Your help and experience is priceless and you have given hope to those of us still traveling the road to recovery.  Thank you for sharing and caring.

[Shep]

9 hours ago, Moonpie said:

You are incredible Shep.  A testimony to so many qualities most of all courage and perseverence.  Your help and experience is priceless and you have given hope to those of us still traveling the road to recovery.  Thank you for sharing and caring.

 

Thanks, Moonpie. Glad you're finding hope on your own way to a success story. 

[Ryder]

On 5/24/2021 at 11:03 AM, Shep said:

For what it's worth, for anyone who came off these drugs and suffered the collateral damage (loss of your employment, apartment, friends, reputation, savings, etc.), I'm finding that once the re-build goes into full swing, as quickly as you lost everything, the pieces reassemble. You'll be surprised how little this experience holds you back. If anything, it makes you able to handle anything that comes your way. 

 

Very positive Shep, which alot i can relate. I am glad you are taking the positives out of your past experiences and keeping busy.

 

Thanks for continually giving back to the community and providing encouragement.

 

Ryder

[Shep]

21 hours ago, Ryder said:

Very positive Shep, which alot i can relate. I am glad you are taking the positives out of your past experiences and keeping busy.

 

Thanks for continually giving back to the community and providing encouragement.

 

Ryder

 

Thanks for your kind words, Ryder. The positives are what get us through and lead us to the better experiences that replace the bad memories of withdrawal, leaving it all in the rearview mirror. 

[getofflex]

On 5/25/2020 at 9:48 AM, Shep said:

After 30 years, success from such an experience is a process, not a singular event. There may still be some unexpected waves, but that will allow the experience of re-emerging from periods of darkness with even more skill and resilience. For me, this part of the journey is very similar to the final phase of the grieving process. As Francis Weller reminds us in the book The Wild Edge of Sorrow, grief is sacred work. It’s an important teacher and should be honored, not feared. 

@Shepthis is to encouraging, it is bringing tears of relief to my eyes.  You are a bright source of inspiration.  

[Shep]

On 10/1/2021 at 8:59 AM, getofflex said:

@Shepthis is to encouraging, it is bringing tears of relief to my eyes.  You are a bright source of inspiration.  

 

Thank you. Very glad you feel encouraged. 

[trenace]

On 5/24/2021 at 2:03 AM, Shep said:

A calendar reminder notified me it's my six-year anniversary off psychiatric drugs. I've been away from the forum for a couple of months due to a heavy workload and also, to do some of the trauma process work. For me, that definitely doesn't mean working with some clueless therapist or any type of head shrinker. 

 

It just means living life and creating new memories - better memories - to replace the trauma memories that haunt survivors years after escaping Plato's Cave. That cave is a dark place full of psychiatry's nightmares. But it's time to move onto other things and simply let the healing unfold as it may. So here is my update: 

 

Six Year Update - A Success Story in Progress . . . . 

 

Life is moving on. I don't think about symptoms as much anymore. I had a rather difficult experience with the Covid vaccine (I posted about that here in the Covid thread), but I'm looking forward to things getting back to normal, however that manifests, as Covid cases drop and the city opens back up. 

 

What has improved? 

• Sleep is more restorative and deeper. I still get a lot of 5 - 6 hour nights and not as many 7 - 8 hour nights as I'd like, but overall, sleep quality is improving. 
• DP/DR is lighter at times, sometimes going for hours with very little and at times, glimpses of being free, but only momentarily, and usually followed by much worse DP/DR. It's very disorienting and non-linear. Still, these glimpses for moments and lightness for hours is new.  It's an improvement. 
• I'm still going through the grieving process, having spent 30 years in a drug-induced haze, the early years in and out of psychiatric lockups . . .developing a major drug dependency problem that psychiatry itself caused during those forced lockups . . . years of gaslighting . . . and "treatments" that were nothing more than a chemical lobotomy. Grieving is a process that takes time, energy, and non-drug coping skills. . . . But mostly, it takes creating new memories, better memories, to replace the old memories. 
• Anterograde amnesia (i.e. cog fog) is a lot better, although I still have my moments. Spatial skills and remembering how to navigate the city are getting better and better. I rarely need Google Maps to get around anymore. 
• I'm working a lot more, which means the ability to save up an emergency fund, which helps with the financial anxiety. My main problem is not going overboard with work! It's good, though, it's good. 
• I'm in a good place mentally and physically. 

What is helping?

• For sleep, avoiding stressful news or internet programs in the evenings. Light comedies, music, and reading short stories and poetry works best. Playing guitar or keyboard is also good for transitioning from "work mind" to "sleep mind." 
• Sticking to a routine for bedtime and eating a healthy Paleo diet. 
• Getting out in nature as much as possible. Running 4 days a week. Biking out of the city to local hiking trails. Approaching nature with curiosity and wonder. Remembering to breathe, when stressed, to come back to the breath. It's a constant in a world of variables. 

For what it's worth, for anyone who came off these drugs and suffered the collateral damage (loss of your employment, apartment, friends, reputation, savings, etc.), I'm finding that once the re-build goes into full swing, as quickly as you lost everything, the pieces reassemble. You'll be surprised how little this experience holds you back. If anything, it makes you able to handle anything that comes your way. 

****, this is great news. I'm in another wave not sure how long this ones been and I think I'm in year 5 of withdrawal now. Still get all kinds of symptoms and spend almost everyday in a DR/depression/anxiety haze losing all concept of time. Genuinley can't remember what life used to be like before all this now, but I'm determined to get it back once Ive made it past this crap. I was one of the collateral damage guys lol. Lost my girlfriend, my flat, 2 jobs, most of my friends my physical and mental health of course and dropped out of my studies. Sometimes I I think about the past few years and burst out laughing, and I'm 100% sure I've lost my mind on a few occasions. Anyways I ramble, great to hear you're doing so well. Good luck!

[Shep]

@trenaceI'm sorry to hear of all of the collateral damage, but I detect a wonderful sense of humor underneath all the pain. There's nowhere to go put up, so know that better things are definitely heading your way.

 

One thing I've noticed as I've gone through this journey is the losses I went through back in 2013 and 2014 are no longer like PTSD horror flashbacks. I just view it all as an adventure. I even joke about some of this when I'm around close friends. The friends I have now are all people who at some point in their lives, went to hell and back. And they're the most interesting people! 

 

Keep moving forward. 

[street129]

@trenace

So sorry to hear you're in a wave, not a good feeling. We all longing for better days, I do understand.

[trenace]

On 10/27/2021 at 5:54 PM, street129 said:

@trenace

So sorry to hear you're in a wave, not a good feeling. We all longing for better days, I do understand.

Thanks man, I hope you improve too. Actually tbh I know we'll both improve eventually but it just takes a long time for some. 

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

Hi Shep, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your story.

I was wondering, did you cold turkey all the drugs at once or in a short period of time? Did you have any problems with kindling? Did you have anhedonia? Looking for hope where I can. Thank you.

[Shep]

23 hours ago, ThatOneGirlStitch said:

Hi Shep, I can't tell you how much I appreciate your story.

I was wondering, did you cold turkey all the drugs at once or in a short period of time? Did you have any problems with kindling? Did you have anhedonia? Looking for hope where I can. Thank you.

 

Thanks, ThatOneGirl, very glad you find this story helpful. I'm sure I had anhedonia and kindling after 30 years of polydrugging, along with a dozen other symptoms! I cold turkeyed some drugs and rapid tapered others, but it's been so many years ago, I couldn't tell you when I came off what.  I do know I was off everything in May 2015. 

 

Healing is possible after 30 years of polydrugging and a very messy withdrawal. That's the takeaway and the good news I share. 

[Fightinghard]

Hey Shep-  thank you so much for continuing to share your experiences with those of us still working our way through this recovery process.   I know you exercise regularly now and have done so for awhile.  I’m trying to start back up with exercise where I currently walk fast and then do very light exercises like push-up and sit-ups, etc in a circuit.  Anyway my question is did you find exercise initially made symptoms harder but over time they subsided?  I believe firmly that exercise is critical for our healing and when possible we should do it.  I think I’m seeing an uptick in symptoms whenever I increase my exercise intensity.   My gut tells me push through it and your body will adjust. I’m not saying go crazy but if I’m comfortable walking a 15 minute mile maybe I’ll do 14:30.  Could you share your experience with exercise?  Was it problematic before you settled in with it?  Thanks Shep!

[Shep]

17 hours ago, Fightinghard said:

Anyway my question is did you find exercise initially made symptoms harder but over time they subsided?  I believe firmly that exercise is critical for our healing and when possible we should do it.  I think I’m seeing an uptick in symptoms whenever I increase my exercise intensity.   My gut tells me push through it and your body will adjust. I’m not saying go crazy but if I’m comfortable walking a 15 minute mile maybe I’ll do 14:30.  Could you share your experience with exercise?  Was it problematic before you settled in with it?

 

These are excellent questions, Fightinghard. I agree that exercise is crucial and that it's tricky to work it in without increasing symptoms. Withdrawal itself is an exhausting obstacle course, so dealing with the windows and waves can be quite difficult - doing too much during a window can bring on a wave and being too sedentary during a wave might set you back when you return to exercising because you've lost the endurance and muscle that was built up. 

 

I found it helpful to "taper in" exercise (which sounds like what you're doing by increasing intensity by 30 seconds). I started out very, very slowly and worked my way up. I posted about this here:

 

Shep's post on exercising

 

Just my take, but I don't believe in the concept of "no pain, no gain" when it comes to exercise. I built up my exercise - both aerobic and weight training - without any sore muscles. It took months to work up to a full workout, but it was worth it to not get setbacks from pushing too hard, too fast. 

 

Also, stretching is important, so make sure you warm up and cool down. 

[Fightinghard]

Thanks Shep!  I’m taking it slow for sure to mitigate any increase in symptoms.  That said, I do believe some uptick should be expected and the more I read I think it’s not a ‘set back’ in terms of delayed  healing.   I’ve been specifically researching brain injuries/concussions and exercise and all the literature emphasizes the importance for healing.  Below is a link to an article on concussion recovery and exercise. I know WD is not the same but I have to believe the mechanism of recovery has to be similar in repairing the brain. The section on dysautonomia really resonated.   I thought I’d share.  Thanks again!  I’ll keep going and slowly increase over time!  Appreciate all that you do!  

[Fightinghard]

Here’s the link… sorry!   https://www.cognitivefxusa.com/blog/exercise-after-a-concussion?hs_amp=true

[Shep]

On 11/23/2021 at 9:43 AM, Fightinghard said:

Here’s the link… sorry!   https://www.cognitivefxusa.com/blog/exercise-after-a-concussion?hs_amp=true

 

Thanks for the link, Fightinghard. The section on Autonomic Nervous System Dysfunction (or Dysautonomia) is relevant for withdrawal. It's good they touched on that. 

[KenA]

I have found when I skip out on exercising I usually will feel worse and vice versa when I exercise i feel better afterwards!!

[Fightinghard]

There are so many studies on the benefit of exercises and brain recovery.  Whether disease or trauma the benefits are proven.  It has to apply to this if we can just get past the symptoms that may arise.  I’m trying To move forward with it each day!

 

@KenA that makes sense to me!  Hopefully I’ll get there soon!  

[KenA]

@Fightinghard I have always found even after just a mild 1 mile walk I feel better, just the endorphins released alone always helps me! Even now after 2 years I still look forward to my daily walk

[Pina]

Thanks for your recovery story. 

I am 3,5 years after zero, at the moment I am in a big wave. 

It is so important to read about people who is recoverd. 

All the best for your future

[Shep]

Thanks, Pina. I'm sure you'll be joining me over in the success story area with your own story in the future. 

[Ariel]

Hi Shep,

Thank you for sharing your story in both your intro recovery threads. Your journey is awe-inspiring, and you write about it with such eloquence and insight. I am bowled over by your intelligence, wisdom, generosity, and all that you have learned and shared along the way. You are modeling behavior and leading by example. Thank you so much.

I'm curious about the phenomenon of dopamine sensitivity. You mention it here, and I wonder how specifically you experienced this during your recovery. What specific symptoms did you associate with dopamine sensitivity? 

It looks like we've been on some of the same medications, may have received similar (mis)diagnoses, and have perhaps struggled with related drug-induced adverse reactions. I'm wondering whether dopamine sensitivity might be thematically relevant to my history as well. 

Did you do anything in particular to address healing your dopamine sensitivity? Or has the process of recovery been integrated into the overall healing? Does dopamine sensitivity require any special attention -- can and should it be addressed directly, beyond or in addition to any other withdrawal recovery "protocol"? Do you feel healed in regards to dopamine sensitivity today? 

When I searched the term online I found some information suggesting that iatrogenic dopamine sensitivity is an irreversible condition. Is this true? 

Thanks again for your invaluable contributions sitewide. Your honesty and clarity of vision are a beacon.

Heartfelt appreciation, 

A. 

 

[Shep]

@Ariel  Thank you for your kind words. 

 

19 hours ago, Ariel said:

I'm curious about the phenomenon of dopamine sensitivity. You mention it here, and I wonder how specifically you experienced this during your recovery. What specific symptoms did you associate with dopamine sensitivity? 

 

I don't remember a lot of it anymore. The worst of it was about 5 or 6 years ago and too much good stuff has happened since then. Good memories replace bad memories, which is something that's hard to grasp if you're still in the storm. The human brain is notorious for seeking out the negative, so it takes work to stay positive and carve out those positive neuroplasticity channels in the brain. 

 

You can read my benzo thread for the details of my symptoms. It's not a place I dwell or even remember clearly. 

 

My 7 year off drugs anniversary is next month and I plan posting an update here on my success story with more progress, including in the areas of dopamine issues and dp/dr. 

 

19 hours ago, Ariel said:

Did you do anything in particular to address healing your dopamine sensitivity? Or has the process of recovery been integrated into the overall healing? Does dopamine sensitivity require any special attention -- can and should it be addressed directly, beyond or in addition to any other withdrawal recovery "protocol"? Do you feel healed in regards to dopamine sensitivity today? 

 

The term "dopamine sensitivity" doesn't tell you much. I would look at your symptoms one by one and see what helps and then target your non-drug coping skills to those symptoms. Anything you can do to nurture the nervous system is helpful. Here is my toolkit:

 

Shep’s Toolkit

 

There's no one-size fits all and there are a lot more ways of healing out there. You can pick and choose what works for you. I would spend your internet time on the non-drug coping skills. That will keep you away from the doomsday research that may not apply to you. 

 

 

19 hours ago, Ariel said:

When I searched the term online I found some information suggesting that iatrogenic dopamine sensitivity is an irreversible condition. Is this true? 

 

Are there examples of people who never heal? I don't know. I do know you can find anything on the internet and dig yourself into a rabbit hole that leads to another rabbit hole. But you're asking this in the success forum, so it's obviously not irreversible for everyone. I would go in that direction. 

 

I periodically post the below information in response to the question of permanent damage:

 

What you want to aim for is to train your brain for the best outcome. And there's actual science behind that. Check out this information on neuroplasticity: 

 

Neuroplasticity video (2 minutes)

 

Healing from antidepressants. How to speed up the recovery process video (5 minutes) - this can also apply to benzos and neuroleptics, not just antidepressants. 

 

And just like there are positives to neuroplasticity, be careful of going into spirals of catastrophic thinking, as that can also re-wire the brain. 

 

Norman Doidge - The Dark Side of Neuroplasticity video (2 minutes)

 

Some ways of not going down the dark side of neuroplasticity:

 

Dealing With Emotional Spirals

 

"Change the channel" -- dealing with cognitive symptoms

 

Edited April 8, 2022 by Shep
fixed typo

[Ariel]

Thank you for your time, @Shep  I appreciate your many helpful posts and look forward to any future updates. 

 

[Ariel]

 

Shining Shep, 

Thinking of you today with gratitude and awe. 

Congratulations <3

Thank you for all that you are and all that you do. 

A. 

 

 

[Shep]

Thanks, @ArielI appreciate the check in.

[Shep]

It's May 22, 2022, which is my 7th year anniversary of being drug free and completely away from psychiatry, which needs to be abolished because psychiatry is a killing field.

 

I was hoping to do an update, but I'm recovering from Covid and so I'm limiting my time on the internet. I had a severe headache, fever of 102 F, and runny nose for a few hours yesterday. After doing the at-home Covid test, which came back positive, I took some regular strength Tylenol and drank some coconut water and eventually fell into a deep sleep.

 

I'm feeling okay now, but tired.

 

Because I've been running on full cylinders throughout the pandemic, with a six-day work week in the office and some volunteer work in various parts of the city, the forced quarantine is actually making me feel very relaxed. I'll do some work from home, but I'm very clear with my employer that I need loads of time away from electronics to go into a deep rest where healing happens.

 

Once I'm healed from Covid, I'll be back here on my thread with a 7th year anniversary update. There have been some improvements and this success-in-process story is getting closer and closer to a completely healed story.

[Moonpie]

@Shep Sorry to hear you are sick.   Praying for a speedy recovery! Please take care.  I am so thankful for your compassion and all your wisdom and help.  You have made a world of difference in my life and journey and continue to. 

[brassmonkey]

Take good care of yourself and take the time to heal properly.

(((((((safe HUGS)))))))

[Ariel]

Hi Shep,

Sorry to hear you are sick with Covid. Rest well and take gentle care. 

I've already said this but it's a big deal and bears repeating: Happy anniversary! 

Love, light, healing vibes, 

A.