Jump to content
SurvivingAntidepressants.org is temporarily closed to new registrations until 1 April ×

Recommended Posts

  • Moderator Emeritus

Thanks for the well wishes, @Moonpie@brassmonkey@ArielMuch appreciated. Your healing thoughts definitely helped.

 

Just a quick Covid update - I started feeling a lot better by Tuesday and on Wednesday, I worked all day from home. All of the Covid symptoms are gone. It was a bad cold for a couple of days.

 

The only pharmaceutical I took was regular strength Tylenol the first day of the virus. I poured boiling water and a few drops of China Oel (very potent peppermint oil) into a mug and inhaled the steam to handle the congestion because I didn't want to risk an antihistamine. I have a collection of Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn CD's - guided meditations for stress and pain - and I used those to go into a very deep place of relaxation, which handled the headache after I'd stopped the Tylenol.

 

Last night I slept 7.5 hours after having my sleep messed up for a couple of nights, so I'm definitely on the mend.

 

Pending a negative Covid test, I'll be able to return to work next week. And also, take my garbage to the trash chute and do my laundry in the laundry room. Quarantine makes you appreciate so many things you take for granted.

 

Still limiting my SA time to this update because other than working online for my job, I'll be continuing to rest and listen to guided meditations for the duration of quarantine.

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Mentor

So happy to hear you are healing so well! Thank you for the update

  1. .025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 by weight of pill  every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, AM and Pm  doses.  Reinstated  9-22-16. Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mg by weight of pills.  N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  1-2023 Labs okay but not where I feel best. 60 mg. daily now but adding 15 mg. more  twice weekly for a few months then check.  Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Wow, Shep, this is awesome! Congratulations on your progress.

It is beyond inspiring to read of your creative, proactive inquiries as you explore your way through healing process. 

 

So interesting about drawing exercises and their effect on functional vision and derealization. What you describe makes perfect sense.

In withdrawal I have often thought back to how I was feeling back when I was (mis)diagnosed with schizophrenia (whatever that is). I'd been experiencing a variety of sensory perception distortions. (Today I believe I was in WD at the time.) These past years' WD has had me reliving many of those same symptoms -- which, broadly, have all felt like some sort of neurological challenges processing sensory stimuli to organize that input into spatial understanding -- which has led me to thought experiments about possible sensory processing exercise "therapies" to retrain the brain in cases of illness/functional disability (including cases of what is commonly labeled "mental illness"). If one removes the fear and emotional reactivity from the experience of such symptoms, story weakens and suffering lessens. Through a practice of acceptance and curiosity one can approach such "conditions"/"states" in a non-stigmatizing, more playful and constructive way, encouraging the brain to express its plasticity and nourishing growth.

At one point I had a fascinating session with a neuro-optometrist for vision-brain training. What I learned there would support all of the above, too. 

 

Anyway, I don't want to write too much, don't mean to hijack your thread! Just to say THANK YOU for sharing and this is really, really cool (exciting to read about, not least because it sounds consistent/compatible with some of my own experiences, and I've never met anyone before who could possibly understand). I'm happy for you and I also wholeheartedly believe you're on to something. 

 

You rock <3

1996-2018 - misc. polypharmacy, incl. SSRIs, SNRIs, neuroleptics, lithium, benzos, stimulants, antihistamines, etc. (approx. 30+ drugs)

2012-2018 - 10mg lexapro/escitalopram (20mg?)    Jan. 2018 - 10mg -> 5mg, then from 5mg -> 2.5mg, then 0mg  -->  July 2018 - 0mg

2017(?)-2020 - vyvanse/lisdexamfetamine 60-70mg    2020-2021 - 70mg down to 0mg  -->  July 2021 - 0mg

March-April 2021 - vortioxetine 5-10mg (approx. 7 weeks total; CT)  -->  April 28th, 2021 - 0mg

supplements: magnesium powder (dissolved in water) as needed throughout the day; 1 tsp fish oil w/ morning meal; 2mg melatonin 

August 1, 2022 - 1 mg melatonin

 

Courage is fear that has said its prayers.  - Karle Wilson Baker

love and justice are not two. without inner change, there can be no outer change; without collective change, no change matters.  - Rev. angel Kyodo williams

Holding multiple truths. Knowing that everyone has their own accurate view of the way things are.  - text on homemade banner at Afiya house

 

I am not a medical professional; this is not medical advice. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
15 hours ago, Ariel said:

If one removes the fear and emotional reactivity from the experience of such symptoms, story weakens and suffering lessens. Through a practice of acceptance and curiosity one can approach such "conditions"/"states" in a non-stigmatizing, more playful and constructive way, encouraging the brain to express its plasticity and nourishing growth.

 

Beautifully stated! A lot of what gets labeled as "mental illness" is because someone with more power gets to dictate the story.

 

By removing the fear and emotional reactivity, as you noted, we can write our own story and come to a more healing and compassionate resolution.

 

16 hours ago, Ariel said:

Anyway, I don't want to write too much, don't mean to hijack your thread! Just to say THANK YOU for sharing and this is really, really cool (exciting to read about, not least because it sounds consistent/compatible with some of my own experiences, and I've never met anyone before who could possibly understand). I'm happy for you and I also wholeheartedly believe you're on to something. 

 

You rock ❤️

 

You're not hijacking my thread at all. We've had similar experiences, so it's great to hear from you and what you've learned from your experiences. Thanks for stopping by with such wise words.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This is an amazing story! You are always so full of possibility, and the way you take on skills that end up mitigating a symptom is so inspiring and amazingly efficient! Thank you for posting and continuing to inspire all of us!!

3/21/19 started Bupropion XL 150 mg

3/21/19 started Risperidone 2mg

7/7/19 start Abilify half dose 5 mg. discontinue Risperidone

7/9/19 full dose Abilify 10 mg

7/29/19 discontinued Abilify due to panicky side effects

8/2/19 Began Latuda 20 mg

8/5/19 discontinued Latuda due to similar side effects 

8/10/19 discontinued Bupropion after realizing it was causing the insomnia

From 8/10/19 no drugs whatsoever

Currently taking vitamin C, D, E, a probiotic and fish oil. 
Message me here if you want: 
https://www.facebook.com/morra.lal.3/  I've been getting a lot of fake friend requests, so please send a message before friend requesting me, thank you!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
6 hours ago, Armorall said:

This is an amazing story! You are always so full of possibility, and the way you take on skills that end up mitigating a symptom is so inspiring and amazingly efficient! Thank you for posting and continuing to inspire all of us!!

 

Thanks for your kind words, Armorall. I'd like to say my search for new skills is very targeted and I know exactly what I'm doing, but when it comes to learning to draw, I had no idea it would help with derealization. I guess it's a good idea to be curious and explore a number of new skills because you never know what you'll find and where it will lead.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Mentor

Thank you once again Shep.  You are always an inspiration.  Thank you also for sharing this personal part of yourself. Your drawings are fantastic and and show such natural talent!  I love nature and it has always been so healing to me.  To be able to draw it is amazing. Your heightened perception of shades and detail to me is a beautiful example of healing on another level.  Not just healed but moving forward to  new deeper experiences you have never had.  So happy you are well.  Thank you for always being such a blessing!

  1. .025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 by weight of pill  every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, AM and Pm  doses.  Reinstated  9-22-16. Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mg by weight of pills.  N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  1-2023 Labs okay but not where I feel best. 60 mg. daily now but adding 15 mg. more  twice weekly for a few months then check.  Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
24 minutes ago, Moonpie said:

Thank you once again Shep.  You are always an inspiration.  Thank you also for sharing this personal part of yourself. Your drawings are fantastic and and show such natural talent!  I love nature and it has always been so healing to me.  To be able to draw it is amazing. Your heightened perception of shades and detail to me is a beautiful example of healing on another level.  Not just healed but moving forward to  new deeper experiences you have never had.  So happy you are well.  Thank you for always being such a blessing!

 

Thanks for such a kind post, Moonpie! Spot on about the shades and detail bringing me to another level of healing.

 

But I have to admit to not starting out with any innate talent. I credit Mark Kistler's book and YouTube channel with giving me the basic skills in an easy-to-learn and fun way and really hammering in the fact that drawing is a skill that can be learned.

 

I think that's true of so many things in life. If you're curious and interested and want to learn something, go for it. I always enjoy reading about people who find new interests and hobbies in life as they get older. You really can teach us old dogs new tricks!

 

And I've read research on drawing as a way of improving memory for older people. It's vital to keep learning new things as we get older.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you for posting your artwork Shep!  I'm an artist and just want to say, you're doing fantastic! So many people have told me "I wish I could draw" but they're too scared to take the plunge and actually start. It used to be that you had to "take a course" and not everyone can afford that, but these days, with YouTube, there are so many tutorials available on just about anything anyone wants to learn.  I'm so happy that you took that big step and jumped in. It's wonderful that it's brought relief from the DP!   I hope more people are inspired to follow in your footsteps. It would be interesting to see if others found the same relief of symptoms. Please keep posting your progress! 

65 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Off Seroquel since early October 2022

Off Lunesta since early September 2022 

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

Very well done Shep.

 

Drawing is a skill that can be learned, you just have to sit down, do it and practice. Anything can be drawn; you just make one line at a time. The attention to detail and visualization skills will last a lifetime and will apply to so much more than making pictures. When I was designing and building airplanes for the government the skills I used the most I learned in art school, working in theatre and in film school, not in engineering school. Over time they become a part of your being and how you see the world and you'll be finding amazing things in totally unexpected places. One of my best paintings was inspired by a rusty bolt head on a picnic table I happened to see while waiting for a physics class. I was late to class because I had to take the time to make a couple of quick sketches so I wouldn't forget it.

 

I strongly encourage everyone to try. It's just a little time, some pencils and paper and the understanding that you are doing it for yourself, not for what others think about it. But if they like it, it's all the better.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
20 hours ago, Pollyjay said:

Thank you for posting your artwork Shep!  I'm an artist and just want to say, you're doing fantastic! So many people have told me "I wish I could draw" but they're too scared to take the plunge and actually start. It used to be that you had to "take a course" and not everyone can afford that, but these days, with YouTube, there are so many tutorials available on just about anything anyone wants to learn.  I'm so happy that you took that big step and jumped in. It's wonderful that it's brought relief from the DP!   I hope more people are inspired to follow in your footsteps. It would be interesting to see if others found the same relief of symptoms. Please keep posting your progress! 

 

Thanks for weighing in as an artist, Pollyjay. Yes, I also hope more people with DP will check out drawing for relief. You're right - YouTube has definitely leveled the playing field so that everyone can learn.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
16 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

The attention to detail and visualization skills will last a lifetime and will apply to so much more than making pictures. When I was designing and building airplanes for the government the skills I used the most I learned in art school, working in theatre and in film school, not in engineering school. Over time they become a part of your being and how you see the world and you'll be finding amazing things in totally unexpected places.

 

Wow, what an interesting background you have! Thanks for your post, Brass. I'm already finding "ways of seeing" spilling over into "ways of being." Thanks for reinforcing this aspect of the art process.

 

16 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

One of my best paintings was inspired by a rusty bolt head on a picnic table I happened to see while waiting for a physics class. I was late to class because I had to take the time to make a couple of quick sketches so I wouldn't forget it.

 

As I learn to draw more and more objects from tutorials, I'm finding myself getting my cellphone out to take pictures in nature that I can draw later without a tutorial. And you're right - it doesn't have to be anything major. It's the small things - the rusty bolts - that can capture a moment. I watched an ant moving on a fallen tree for a long time recently. I was so still, a gorgeous Robin came just inches away from me before flying off. That stayed with me for a long time. Can't wait to get good enough be able to draw these beautiful creatures you find in everyday nature walks.

 

16 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

I strongly encourage everyone to try. It's just a little time, some pencils and paper and the understanding that you are doing it for yourself, not for what others think about it. But if they like it, it's all the better.

 

Art is so universal, it's a great way to connect to people. Most people really enjoy looking at nature drawings, especially in today's world where the news is grim and people are on edge. If you can lighten the mood and re-direct the gaze to something that's calming, you've done a good thing. Even if your art isn't perfect, people appreciate the mood shift.

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Just a note, for those who are home bound but wish they could get out and draw nature or landscape scenes. You can always go to google maps or google earth. and use the "street view" option. I love to "drop down" somewhere in an English village and make pen and ink drawings of the old cottages, or the landscapes in the Yorkshire dales and Lake District. Places I grew up visiting and miss very much.

 

I sure wish this anhedonia would lift and I could get that "spark" again. Things are coming back slowly so I know there's hope but the drawing or painting isn't there yet. It's so strange because that's always been who I am and my go to during rough times. I know it'll resurface at some point. Maybe if I force myself, it'll trigger something - in a good way, that is.

65 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Off Seroquel since early October 2022

Off Lunesta since early September 2022 

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator

"I was so still, a gorgeous Robin came just inches away from me before flying off. "

 

Being still in nature can be so amazing. We live on about a quarter of an acre in a suburb of Los Angeles, but the wildlife we get through the yard is wonderful. I try to take time in the late afternoon to just sit quietly in the back yard and watch the wild hillside behind us. All summer I am joined by bunnies and squirrels, who graze on the lawn. By sitting quietly, they will come to within a few feet and stay for half an hour. There are several birds that visit my workshop several of which I can hand feed because we have made friends. The racoons haven't been around for a while, but they would join us on the patio during the evening. Managed to pet a small skunk one time. This and much more, just by sitting quietly in nature. The exhilaration of it is beyond description. One has to be mindful that they still are wild animals and treat them with respect but if it's on their terms it can be done. Large animals in the wild you have to be careful with and respect their boundaries because you are in their home, and they will protect it. I don't recommend anyone approach large wild animals, but if they come to you it is beyond words.

20 years on Paxil starting at 20mg and working up to 40mg. Sept 2011 started 10% every 6 weeks taper (2.5% every week for 4 weeks then hold for 2 additional weeks), currently at 7.9mg. Oct 2011 CTed 15oz vodka a night, to only drinking 2 beers most nights, totally sober Feb 2013.

Since I wrote this I have continued to decrease my dose by 10% every 6 weeks (2.5% every week for 4 weeks and then hold for an additional 2 weeks). I added in an extra 6 week hold when I hit 10mg to let things settle out even more. When I hit 3mgpw it became hard to split the drop into 4 parts so I switched to dropping 1mgpw (pill weight) every week for 3 weeks and then holding for another 3 weeks.  The 3 + 3 schedule turned out to be too harsh so I cut back to dropping 1mgpw every 4 weeks which is working better.

Final Dose 0.016mg.     Current dose 0.000mg 04-15-2017

 

"It's also important not to become angry, no matter how difficult life is, because you can loose all hope if you can't laugh at yourself and at life in general."  Stephen Hawking

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
23 hours ago, Pollyjay said:

I sure wish this anhedonia would lift and I could get that "spark" again. Things are coming back slowly so I know there's hope but the drawing or painting isn't there yet. It's so strange because that's always been who I am and my go to during rough times. I know it'll resurface at some point. Maybe if I force myself, it'll trigger something - in a good way, that is.

 

Maybe instead of "force," go with "let it happen." Surrounding yourself in beautiful spaces, such as a park, while going into a mindfulness and curiosity mindset can help. But rest assured, the anhedonia will lift and that spark will return. It's not gone forever. The anhedonia is simply allowing your brain to repair parts of itself in a toned down, quiet way. Very boring, I'm sure, especially for an artist who's used to seeing the vibrancy of colors that surround us. 

 

23 hours ago, Pollyjay said:

Just a note, for those who are home bound but wish they could get out and draw nature or landscape scenes. You can always go to google maps or google earth. and use the "street view" option. I love to "drop down" somewhere in an English village and make pen and ink drawings of the old cottages, or the landscapes in the Yorkshire dales and Lake District. Places I grew up visiting and miss very much.

 

Brilliant idea!

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
17 hours ago, brassmonkey said:

Managed to pet a small skunk one time.

 

You are braver than I am, LOL. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 6/1/2022 at 3:25 PM, Pollyjay said:

Just a note, for those who are home bound but wish they could get out and draw nature or landscape scenes. You can always go to google maps or google earth. and use the "street view" option. I love to "drop down" somewhere in an English village and make pen and ink drawings of the old cottages, or the landscapes in the Yorkshire dales and Lake District. Places I grew up visiting and miss very much.

 

I sure wish this anhedonia would lift and I could get that "spark" again. Things are coming back slowly so I know there's hope but the drawing or painting isn't there yet. It's so strange because that's always been who I am and my go to during rough times. I know it'll resurface at some point. Maybe if I force myself, it'll trigger something - in a good way, that is.

@Pollyjay I live in a village in the Cotswolds at the moment and would be happy to send you some photos of some lovely old cottages for you to paint. 

2011 - started 15 mg mirtazepine. 2015- successfully tapered off. 2016 - Reinstated on 3.75mg as a sleep aid. July 2019 - 3.75mg Stopped working, increased to 15 then 22.5mg.Sept 2020 initiated slow liquid taper. Sept 2021 at 7.5mg for 3 months hit very bad withdrawals (also very stressed). Increased dose to 30 for 3 weeks then reduced to 22.5mg3rd Nov - Started magnesium supplement. 3rd Nov - started oestrogen hrt gel. 20th Dec - stopped oestrogen after 3 week taper. Currently still on 22.5mg mirtazepine and oral magnesium. 12/1 started with 1 capsule omega 3 fish oil. 14/ developed very loose motions so stopping the fish oil. 14/2/2022: after 5 months on the same dose decided to restart taper with a 5% cut: 21.4mg mirtazepine. Low histamine diet and magnesium. 14/03 reduced another 5% 20. 25mg 01/05 reduced to 19mg 01/06 reduced to 18.3mg 01/08 reduced to 17.3 mg 01/10 reduced to 16.5mg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 hours ago, Jools44 said:

@Pollyjay I live in a village in the Cotswolds at the moment and would be happy to send you some photos of some lovely old cottages for you to paint. 

 

That's so kind of you! @Jools44I love that Cotswalds stone. Do you need an email address or can you send them here by PM? (Maybe Shep would like to see them too!) 

 

Thank you so much! 

 

65 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Off Seroquel since early October 2022

Off Lunesta since early September 2022 

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

9 hours ago, Shep said:

Maybe instead of "force," go with "let it happen." Surrounding yourself in beautiful spaces, such as a park, while going into a mindfulness and curiosity mindset can help. But rest assured, the anhedonia will lift and that spark will return. It's not gone forever. The anhedonia is simply allowing your brain to repair parts of itself in a toned down, quiet way. Very boring, I'm sure, especially for an artist who's used to seeing the vibrancy of colors that surround us. 

 

Thank you so much for your encouragement, Shep, it's so much appreciated!  We live in beautiful surroundings ( a farm ) in the middle of nowhere and I think that's what distresses me the most. I know it's beautiful but I don't feel it.  It's rather scary. It happened when I was tapering Paxil in 2011 but wasn't this bad. One of our forum members said in his success story that he felt like he was in a waiting room, waiting for his number to be called. - and it was, eventually. I try to keep that analogy and his recovery in mind. 

 

A couple of months ago, my husband, bless him, came home from the dollar store with one of those adult coloring books and a pack of colored pencils. Even that's languishing on the table by the bed. But other things are sparking my interest. Last night ( always feel better at night) I became absorbed in an online tutorial on how to make paracord dog collars and horse tack. I actually put in an order on Amazon today for some colorful paracord. So all is not lost! :) 

65 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Off Seroquel since early October 2022

Off Lunesta since early September 2022 

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
11 hours ago, Pollyjay said:

I actually put in an order on Amazon today for some colorful paracord. So all is not lost! :) 

 

Very glad to read this! Take your time and ease back into your crafts, Pollyjay. It will get better. 

 

18 hours ago, Jools44 said:

@Pollyjay I live in a village in the Cotswolds at the moment and would be happy to send you some photos of some lovely old cottages for you to paint. 

 

12 hours ago, Pollyjay said:

 

That's so kind of you! @Jools44I love that Cotswalds stone. Do you need an email address or can you send them here by PM? (Maybe Shep would like to see them too!) 

 

Thank you so much! 

 

 

@Pollyjay and @Jools44 Please be careful with your personal information such as your email address and pictures of where you live. With Google image search's ability to search by image, you may be disclosing where you live. You can share pictures via the PM system, but please do so safely. 

 

We have an Art Therapy thread where folks have posted some of their artwork and posted how art is helping with withdrawal.  

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

@Shep @Pollyjay

 

Thanks for the reminder re:privacy  Shep. 

 

Pollyjay I have PM'd you.. 

2011 - started 15 mg mirtazepine. 2015- successfully tapered off. 2016 - Reinstated on 3.75mg as a sleep aid. July 2019 - 3.75mg Stopped working, increased to 15 then 22.5mg.Sept 2020 initiated slow liquid taper. Sept 2021 at 7.5mg for 3 months hit very bad withdrawals (also very stressed). Increased dose to 30 for 3 weeks then reduced to 22.5mg3rd Nov - Started magnesium supplement. 3rd Nov - started oestrogen hrt gel. 20th Dec - stopped oestrogen after 3 week taper. Currently still on 22.5mg mirtazepine and oral magnesium. 12/1 started with 1 capsule omega 3 fish oil. 14/ developed very loose motions so stopping the fish oil. 14/2/2022: after 5 months on the same dose decided to restart taper with a 5% cut: 21.4mg mirtazepine. Low histamine diet and magnesium. 14/03 reduced another 5% 20. 25mg 01/05 reduced to 19mg 01/06 reduced to 18.3mg 01/08 reduced to 17.3 mg 01/10 reduced to 16.5mg

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

10 hours ago, Shep said:

 

Very glad to read this! Take your time and ease back into your crafts, Pollyjay. It will get better. 

 

 

 

@Pollyjay and @Jools44 Please be careful with your personal information such as your email address and pictures of where you live. With Google image search's ability to search by image, you may be disclosing where you live. You can share pictures via the PM system, but please do so safely. 

 

We have an Art Therapy thread where folks have posted some of their artwork and posted how art is helping with withdrawal.  

 

Thank you Shep!  And yes on the privacy warning. I'm not as tech savvy as I should be. Thank you!

65 y/o Female

Current meds:

Started:26 February, Propranolol 5 mg 8am and 8 pm

Started: 11 March 2022, Ativan : 0 .25mg 1pm and 9pm

Off Seroquel since early October 2022

Off Lunesta since early September 2022 

 

Other meds: Levothyroxine 50mcg with extra 25mcg Mon. Wed. Fri.

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Shep,

 

i read that you work now full-time! This amazing. Did your psychosis ever come back? Did you have OCD. 
 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
On 6/7/2022 at 9:35 AM, Quittingquentiapin said:

Hi Shep,

 

i read that you work now full-time! This amazing. Did your psychosis ever come back? Did you have OCD. 
 

 

 

Thanks for stopping by, Guest. Yes, I've been working full time for the past 8 years. I was only unemployed for a few months back in 2013. No, haven't had symptoms of "psychosis" in a long time. OCD wasn't one of my withdrawal symptoms. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

Hi Shep! Thank you for you’re inspiring story. I have been struggling with depersonalization for almost a decade. I first got it from smoking weed and a bad break-up. I was on and off SSRIs for 8 years. I got off antidepressants a year and a half ago. I was okay for about 6 months and then it hit me like a brick wall. Since then, I have barely seen any improvement. I am maybe 10 percent better. 
 

I would like to ask you- did you experience digestive issues when coming off medications? If so, what did you do to combat this? Also did you experience depersonalization severely throughout all 5 years of recovery? Or did it get better as you went along? 
 

I am very discouraged given that it’s been 1.5 years and not much has changed. I understand it could take me 5 years, but I am worried I still won’t be right after 5 years. I’m 27 years old and had my appendix removed when I was 12 which I feel is a huge part of the gut issues and thus my recovery. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!!

Zoloft: 2013- 2015, 50mg; 2016- 2016, 100mg; 2017- 2017, 250mg

Prozac: 2018- 2019, 40mg; 2019- Christmas 2020, 80mg tapered down to 0mg over the course of 6 months.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
18 hours ago, Hartattack said:

I would like to ask you- did you experience digestive issues when coming off medications? If so, what did you do to combat this? 

 

For GI issues, I used an elimination diet.  You can read more about that here - Elimination or exclusion diets for reactions to food (food intolerance)

 

I'm still on a modified Paleo diet with a small amount of diary, limited caffeine, very little sugar and carbs, and no alcohol. It's a very healthy diet that went from a much-needed diet for healing from withdrawal into a lifestyle. 

 

18 hours ago, Hartattack said:

Also did you experience depersonalization severely throughout all 5 years of recovery? Or did it get better as you went along? 

 

I wrote about severe depersonalization in my benzo thread, which is here -   Shep's Journey

 

For me, DP/DR (depersonalization / derealization) is something that was brutal early on for several years but is slowly fading out. The derealization is gone now except in waves and the depersonalization is slowly decreasing. It's hard to assess because it's so slow and also because I don't have a lot of memory for the first few years of withdrawal. In fact, my memory is very hazy for anything prior to the start of the pandemic. Thirty years of hardcore psychiatric drugging takes its toll, especially when recovery is occurring during so much chaos. Staying focused on the present seems to make the most sense. 

 

18 hours ago, Hartattack said:

I am very discouraged given that it’s been 1.5 years and not much has changed. I understand it could take me 5 years, but I am worried I still won’t be right after 5 years. I’m 27 years old and had my appendix removed when I was 12 which I feel is a huge part of the gut issues and thus my recovery. Any advice would be so greatly appreciated. Thank you!!

 

I don't know anything about the effects of having your appendix out, but anything you can do to improve your overall health is a good thing. So eat clean, drink plenty of water, avoid alcohol and recreational drugs until you are completely healed, exercise when you're able, etc. 

 

The world is going through multiple long-term crises. The best thing any of us can do is take good care of ourselves as a long-term strategy. 

 

1.5 years is very early on. If you take good care of yourself, I'm sure you'll see improvements over the coming months and years. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 weeks later...

Hey Shep-   Thanks for sharing your healing journey!  It’s great to see how well you are doing!  In reading your thread, it’s clear you had to push through many things to get to this point.  How did you navigate being ‘kind to your cns’ with living life?  I’m sure riding the subway as you did and walking to work in a busy city was difficult with a sensitive cns resulting in symptoms as you went. Did you find the more you did it, the easier it became?  I seem to be having this experience with driving and other activities. It’s like the more I do it over time the easier it becomes.  And I’m less reactive to it.  I’m wondering if you had any similar experiences. It’s almost like exposures with anxiety in a way.  I find of I do something like go to restaurant initially it’s really hard then reach time after Is a little easier.  I almost wonder if I’m removing my fear which in turn makes it easier.  The idea the less we fear our behind the better we become.   Who knows?   Do you have any thoughts on this? Thanks!  All the best to you!  

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Melatonin .23 mg

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
On 7/8/2022 at 7:35 AM, Fightinghard said:

Hey Shep-   Thanks for sharing your healing journey!  It’s great to see how well you are doing!  In reading your thread, it’s clear you had to push through many things to get to this point.  How did you navigate being ‘kind to your cns’ with living life?  I’m sure riding the subway as you did and walking to work in a busy city was difficult with a sensitive cns resulting in symptoms as you went. Did you find the more you did it, the easier it became?  I seem to be having this experience with driving and other activities. It’s like the more I do it over time the easier it becomes.  And I’m less reactive to it.  I’m wondering if you had any similar experiences. It’s almost like exposures with anxiety in a way.  I find of I do something like go to restaurant initially it’s really hard then reach time after Is a little easier.  I almost wonder if I’m removing my fear which in turn makes it easier.  The idea the less we fear our behind the better we become.   Who knows?   Do you have any thoughts on this? Thanks!  All the best to you!  

 

Thanks for the great questions. I think it really depends on what your symptoms are. I didn't have any physical pain or agoraphobia, so getting out in the world wasn't as difficult for me as it is for others. So I was able to push myself. I would get lost a lot, but Google Maps and my trusty compass always brought me home. 

 

Earlier on, I stuck to a 40-hour work week (I now work a lot more) and I would rest as much as possible on the weekends. So that was my "kind to your cns" self-care that was the most helpful. 

 

I'm glad you're finding the more you do things such as driving, the easier it becomes. Perhaps slowly build onto that by going different places for different experiences. Just don't go too far in case you need to come back to home base for a rest. And never beat yourself up if you have to turn around and drive home because it becomes too much. This is a marathon, not a sprint, and every try is a success because you're standing up to your fear. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Mentor

Thank you Shep!!!  Once again you have been a huge blessing and given me something with encouragement and another step forward. I really appreciate your links on neuroplasticity.  I have look into it quite a bit but have not seen these.  Will save and watch them again.  The one that talked about retraining the brain by doing new things made me think of a weird but new way I can apply this.  I can walk around my house backwards!!!  I know it sound crazy but hey it will work!!!  Thank you again.  HUGS!❤️

  1. .025 Xanax 3 x daily  Start date 10-13-2013 through 8-13-2014.  Started tapering 6-2014 to 8-2014.  Some small discomfort. 25 mg Zoloft - Start date 5-1-2014.  50mg. 6-2014.  through 7-14-2014 .  Started tapering  7-14-2014, stopped tapering 10-2014.  I did 1/4 of the dose a month.  small discomfort.  These next 3 were prescribed when I made some seriously bad choices with my thyroid medication.  Was in ER twice for possible heart attack.  INTENSE anxiety, panic, fear.   Lost 30 pounds in 2 weeks.  Thyroid levels bounced to extremes for 8 months. Dr. prescribed Zoloft 50mg  9-2105.  After 2 doses had a bad reaction passed out in my bedroom. Also prescribed Xanax .025  at the same time. 3 times daily, 4 if needed.  Was only on it about 2 weeks.  Was not working.  Trip ER they gave me an Ativan IV and it worked and lasted.  switched to Ativan. 9-24-2016. 1.5 mg Ativan - .5 mg  three x daily -start date 9/24/16.  Attempted taper start 12-16-2016. Was shaving Pills and alternating tapering AM, PM and midday dose weekly.  Buspar .5mg  -2.5mg. am and 2. 5mg. pm start date 9-26-2016 .  Lexapro .10mg  start date  - 10-26-2016. Found SA and began 10/14/2017 tapering .001 by weight of pill  every 4 days Held longer if there were was WD.    Was very sensitive to Ativan. 3-15-2018 Off midday dose - 7-16-2018 Off PM dose - OFF ATIVAN! 11-17-2018 10 mg. Lexapro. PM - 5 mg start date 10/11/2016 increased to 10 mg 2/2/17. 1-1-2019 Began tapering Lexapro.  .001 gm every 4 days.  Held longer if there was WD.  Last doses some I held a month.  OFF LEXAPRO! 2-21 2021 5 mg. Buspar  divided into two, 2.5 mg doses AM and PM- Start date 9/26/2016 Cold turkey on Dr. direction, AM and Pm  doses.  Reinstated  9-22-16. Began Buspar taper 1-29-23, .001 mg by weight of pills.  N.P. Desiccated Thyroid.  1-2023 Labs okay but not where I feel best. 60 mg. daily now but adding 15 mg. more  twice weekly for a few months then check.  Bioidentical hormones. Bi-est/Prog cream, 1/4 tsp.  1 time daily

My intro: Moonpie:. Need help and supporting tapering off of Ativan

My benzo thread: Moonpie: Need help Ativan weight tapering

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
18 hours ago, Moonpie said:

The one that talked about retraining the brain by doing new things made me think of a weird but new way I can apply this.  I can walk around my house backwards!!!  I know it sound crazy but hey it will work!!! 

 

I like this, Moonpie. Thanks for sharing. But be careful! Make sure you clear a path, first. We don't want any non-drug coping technique injuries! 

 

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 2 months later...
On 5/25/2020 at 11:48 PM, Shep said:

Work 40 - 45 hours a week (was unemployed for around 9 months due to severe akathisia and DP/DR)


This is my most serious symptom, it has gone from severe to moderate a couple months ago but I still struggle with it. I cannot believe you had 9 months severe akathisia, I think I was severe maybe 5/6 months.

Any advice on coping with this specific symptom?

December 2021 - Metoclopramide started. Akathisia symptoms start; Metoclopramide gets changed to PRN.

March 2022 - Akathisia diagnosed; Metoclopramide stopped; Propranolol 10mg x twice a day. Biperiden PRN (0.5mg to 1mg).

April 2022 - Tandospirone 30mg (10mg 3x day), Quetiapine 25mg (only taken once, immediate adr). Mirtazapine 7.5mg. . Discontinued Propranolol.

May 2022 - Mirtazapine upped to 15mg. Tandospirone cut to 2x 10mg. Low dose Depakote for the month; 100 to 200 to 100 to 0. Mirtazapine cut back to 11.75mg (3/4 of a 15mg pill).
June 2022 - Mirtazapine updose to 15mg. Tandospirone, Biperiden discontinued. Klonopin started PRN (0.5mg). 
September 2022 - Akathisia slowly starts improving, WD/ADR normal sets in in mid September. Hold for 4 months.
March 2023 - Off mirtazapine; no Klonopin for 5 months either! Started quercetin (250mg x 2) to soften the histamine rebound.

May 2023 - Stopped quercetin and changed from magnesium carbonate to oxide - reacted badly. Reverted back to carbonate. 
June 2023 - Added fish oil.
Current regimen: CALM Magnesium (Carbonate into Citrate) 175mg x2; Vitamin E 268mg x2; Fish oil (100mg Omega3; EPA 30mg; DHA 37mg)x2
Intro thread: 
https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/27095-portuguesesea-metoclopramide-akathisia-and-mirtazapine/

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
17 hours ago, PortugueseSea said:


This is my most serious symptom, it has gone from severe to moderate a couple months ago but I still struggle with it. I cannot believe you had 9 months severe akathisia, I think I was severe maybe 5/6 months.

Any advice on coping with this specific symptom?

 

As far as surviving akathisia, do whatever you can to calm your nervous system. It will pass. It's uncomfortable, but it IS temporary. Try to find relief in walking in nature, listening to music (dancing may be helpful to release the energy), playing video games, etc. These kinds of distractions are great for getting through this. 

 

And remember - it IS temporary. You will get through this. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, Shep said:

And remember - it IS temporary. You will get through this. 


Thank you, it has been way worse than what it is now but it still bites at times. That is very useful. I am waiting to stabilize on 15mg mirtazapine. 

December 2021 - Metoclopramide started. Akathisia symptoms start; Metoclopramide gets changed to PRN.

March 2022 - Akathisia diagnosed; Metoclopramide stopped; Propranolol 10mg x twice a day. Biperiden PRN (0.5mg to 1mg).

April 2022 - Tandospirone 30mg (10mg 3x day), Quetiapine 25mg (only taken once, immediate adr). Mirtazapine 7.5mg. . Discontinued Propranolol.

May 2022 - Mirtazapine upped to 15mg. Tandospirone cut to 2x 10mg. Low dose Depakote for the month; 100 to 200 to 100 to 0. Mirtazapine cut back to 11.75mg (3/4 of a 15mg pill).
June 2022 - Mirtazapine updose to 15mg. Tandospirone, Biperiden discontinued. Klonopin started PRN (0.5mg). 
September 2022 - Akathisia slowly starts improving, WD/ADR normal sets in in mid September. Hold for 4 months.
March 2023 - Off mirtazapine; no Klonopin for 5 months either! Started quercetin (250mg x 2) to soften the histamine rebound.

May 2023 - Stopped quercetin and changed from magnesium carbonate to oxide - reacted badly. Reverted back to carbonate. 
June 2023 - Added fish oil.
Current regimen: CALM Magnesium (Carbonate into Citrate) 175mg x2; Vitamin E 268mg x2; Fish oil (100mg Omega3; EPA 30mg; DHA 37mg)x2
Intro thread: 
https://www.survivingantidepressants.org/topic/27095-portuguesesea-metoclopramide-akathisia-and-mirtazapine/

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Thank you Shep for the uplifting success story. I like the idea of symptoms as guides and grief as sacred work. I am leaving Plato’s cave and hope to reach your perspective. After reading the link to “Tardive Dysphoria” I am hoping healing is possible, it seems pretty grim but will keep on think of as a necessary “ heroes journey” or crossing of the dangerous river in the Joseph Campbell or Carl Jung sense. All the best.

On and off antidepressants since 1989. (Prozac, Celexa, Lexepro, Wellbutrin, Paxil, Cymbalta

2017 40mg Fluoxetine (2017-19 started taper but don’t recall specifics but prob. 10mg per drop with several months hold)

2019 —->10mg every other day (ave 5mg/day)

October 2021 increased dose to (7.5mg/day ave.)

January 18, 2022—> 7m Feb 5, 2022 —> 6.8mg, March 21 —> 6.46mg July 23, 2022—> 6.14mg (fluoxetine) ~August 1 2022 started 2.5mg melatonin per night October 2022 —> 6mg (fluoxetine)

 

Current meds/otc

Fluoxetine 6.0 mg/day, Atorvastatin  40mg/day, Vit C 500mg, Melatonin 2.5mg/night

 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Moderator Emeritus
On 10/8/2022 at 11:53 AM, Shmalan said:

Thank you Shep for the uplifting success story. I like the idea of symptoms as guides and grief as sacred work. I am leaving Plato’s cave and hope to reach your perspective. After reading the link to “Tardive Dysphoria” I am hoping healing is possible, it seems pretty grim but will keep on think of as a necessary “ heroes journey” or crossing of the dangerous river in the Joseph Campbell or Carl Jung sense. All the best.

 

Healing is definitely possible. Keep moving forward - you'll make it to the success story side of the forum, too. 

 

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...

Important Information

Terms of Use Privacy Policy