inextinguishableconfidence: ready to withdraw and start fresh

[inextinguishableconfidence]

I’m afraid of going back on a higher dose again, maybe even what the doctor wants. I’m very unstable. A lot of this has to do with my new marriage and only realizing who my wife really is after the fact. Or what any relationship is really like and always was and always will be. People are people and I’m the same and I can’t expect any one to be any different. I just believe people too much.

 

So here I am. Debating whether to take more meds or not. I’m pretty sure that’s the wrong decision. That’s the opposite of what I want. It will probably reduce my ability to think and feel more than it already has/does at this dose. At least at this little dose I can actually notice the deficiencies these meds are causing instead of thinking everything is hunky dory in a state of drugged up stupor.

 

Well, it seems like it’s just another challenge in my life that is about to pass.

[inextinguishableconfidence]

Well, I learned a lot about how relationships actually work. I am very grateful for that moving forward. I have reduced my dose back down to 18.75mg of loxapine. I did this with the support of my doctor and pharmacy about day 3 or 4. So far so good. I had some space to myself the past week. Now I am ready to start socializing again as human connection is what makes me the happiest. My work friends have been great supports in regards to providing heartfelt advice and being cheerful around me as I always am with them as well. And my parents have been nice as well. I am trying to patch up previous friendships as well as make new ones. Hoping for the best with this newfound knowledge! 

[inextinguishableconfidence]

So far so good. Holding out at 18.75mg of loxapine, since the beginning of April. Bit of a struggle for the first 3 weeks or so, due to unrelated matters as well, but the last one week has been noticeably better. I feel motivated and excited for life again.

[inextinguishableconfidence]

Hey guys, I managed to drop off from 10mg to 0mg in May of 2022. I was off them for a while including in Europe from January to August of 2023. I tried to get reassessed and clear the diagnoses when I came back to Canada in August/September but they just held me involuntarily in the hospital waiting room for mental health and started injecting me right away. Not fair. Been in hospital almost 4 months. Got another 2 hopefully until I get housing. Then to settle in and go back to work. Looking forward to working with the doctors and family to reduce it to 150mg of Clopixol instead of 200mg and eventually not take any. Because the doctor said I only had ADD when he gave me an antipsychotic. That’s too strong of a jump in medicine from not taking any or being taken to a doctor for like 10 years as a child into being a teenager at 15 all of a sudden.