cleopatra: SSRI exposure for 5 days

[cleopatra]

Hello everyone, I hope you are all safe 💟

I have decided to join the community after reading many positive topics on the website, which I found when I was faced with the possibility of having long-lasting symptoms by taking Sertraline (Zoloft) 50 mg.

I definitely wished that I found SA before I took the first pill, which definitely changed after learning that acceptance can help me prepare for different scenarios in these very early stages of quitting an antidepressant. Basically, I made the topic to share a backstory, find people who have a similar experience and receive advice from someone who understands the situation a bit better than I do. 

Backstory:

I am a 20 year old studying pharmacy after two years of mental suffering to get to go to uni, and four years of toxic friendships and family-related trust issues. My growth was really a gradual shift from being someone who was happy and healthy to a warrior battling social isolation, identity issues, a shattered self-image and self doubt.

I was studying to help people, to be transparent and give treatments taken after patients make informed decisions and I was truly convinced that since nothing has helped the recurrent depression I had for years, a doctor and a pharmacist can help me the same way I wanted to change someone's life for the better. I believed a medicine and a doctor would do the trick!

I was always so scared to be exposed to anything from radiations to laser treatments, but the desperate state I was in and the blind trust I had in the medical/scientific community also encouraged by my environment (except for my father who struggled with iatrogenic effects from medications and was dismissed by many) made me wait one day to read leaflets and "medical" websites before I took the first pill of Sertraline.

(Note: My struggle did not start because of lockdown, my depression was debilitating for years and stole the joy I once had.  poor housing conditions and the fact that my mama, who gave me emotional support, was away and couldn't come back because of the pandemic took a toll on me. I was not speaking to the rest of my family, they also seemed depressed and for some reason I felt guilty for it. I couldn't live feeling barely like a human, nothing like my age, with parental responsibilities and with plenty of regrets and an awful lot of guilt).

After taking the first pill, I felt ecstatic! it gave me a high that I never experienced in life (I never did recreational drugs) and gave me a good night sleep, but a day later that changed (and I knew that I might have sleeping disturbance in the first 2 weeks and that it was normal) and after 4 doses I found a website that addressed "PSSD" and read user comments and was beyond devastated. Everything I read was moving in the direction of (the condition can occur after only one dose, it's incurable, it's IRREVERSIBLE, my life is... over).

Traumatized, but took the 5th pill because the advice was "do not stop it abruptly". I did not understand withdrawal, I still don't and the loss of sensation started after taking this 5th pill. Everything was too painful to live through, so I confronted my doctor (on the phone) and got the response "it has only been 5 days, it hasn't had enough time to build up in your system yet, side effects like sexual dysfunction are rare in women...etc.). Finally, he told me that I can stop the treatment NOW if I want to. 

 

Now:
I have been off Zoloft for almost 2 months and I think I am noticing an improvement in the main symptom I had:

• Loss of sensation in my nipples and genital area.

I mainly still struggle with loss of ability to express sadness or cry or feel intense emotions (really difficult), so please if you experienced this share with me anything that helped you. 
 

Also please share any ideas on how to spread the word so people who have started taking antidepressants during this time can get support or be aware of withdrawal before they start treatment. How can we get this to go MAINSTREAM? were you ever inspired to inform people on a larger scale? 

I am trying to find hope during a time of great uncertainty, since I don't know if anything I am experiencing is permanent, but as a first step to remain positive I decided not to resent my background and made a vow to be the voice of withdrawal sufferers once I get back to school and discuss these issues with the future generation of pharmacists as much as I can.

sorry for this lengthy and robotic post, I hope I can get somethings off my chest and share personal feelings with many of you soon ☀️

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Cleopatra.  Thank you for your heartfelt and perceptive post (not at all robotic).  You will find that the staff and members here are a very empathetic and helpful group.  As you read through the site, I encourage you to post on members' threads that you feel drawn to contribute too.

 

You experienced an adverse reaction to the Sertraline, which means the drug was poison to you.  The symptoms you describe--sexual loss of sensation and inability to feel emotions--are common symptoms of an adverse reaction.  It is very encouraging that you are noticing an improvement in the sexual sensation area.  The emotional blunting will also improve in time.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[cleopatra]

On 6/5/2020 at 5:43 AM, Gridley said:

Welcome to SA, Cleopatra.  Thank you for your heartfelt and perceptive post (not at all robotic).  You will find that the staff and members here are a very empathetic and helpful group.  As you read through the site, I encourage you to post on members' threads that you feel drawn to contribute too.

 

You experienced an adverse reaction to the Sertraline, which means the drug was poison to you.  The symptoms you describe--sexual loss of sensation and inability to feel emotions--are common symptoms of an adverse reaction.  It is very encouraging that you are noticing an improvement in the sexual sensation area.  The emotional blunting will also improve in time.

 

We don't recommend a lot of supplements on SA, as many members report being sensitive to them due to our over-reactive nervous systems, but two supplements that we do recommend are magnesium and omega 3 (fish oil). Many people find these to be calming to the nervous system. 

 

Magnesium, nature's calcium channel blocker 

 

Omega-3 fatty acids (fish oil) 

 

Add in one at a time and at a low dose in case you do experience problems.

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Dear Gridley, 
Thank you very much for the encouragement. I have been having a tough time these days and your reply really did help me stay positive. 

I am currently taking: 

• Multivitamins (recent).
• Burber-Pinelle drops 100 mg (2 weeks).
• MSM-Sulfur 2000 mg (2 weeks).

I don't know if any of these supplements has helped or If I should give it more time. Do you know of anyone who improved taking them?  
I will definitely look into Magnesium and fish oil and report any effects I notice. 

Again, thank you and stay safe.

[Gridley]

26 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

Multivitamins (recent).

We don't recommend multivitamins because if there's a problem there's no way to know which ingredient is causing it.  

 

Have you noticed any effect, positive or negative, from the other two supplements?

[cleopatra]

14 hours ago, Gridley said:

We don't recommend multivitamins because if there's a problem there's no way to know which ingredient is causing it.  

 

Have you noticed any effect, positive or negative, from the other two supplements?

 

Oh I think I am being restless (wandering around, unable to sleep), having neck stiffness and foot pain (all mild) and I didn't even notice that up until I read your reply, because my sense of things is quite different these days. I will stop the multivitamins then and will take vitamin D for now since I have a deficiency and see if I experience any problems. Thank you for letting me know! 

 

Also, it is very hard to link any benefit to the other 2 supplements but I will continue to take them until they are finished since I haven't experienced any reactions on them and will update on any noticed differences.

 

Have a good day and thank you for being active.

[cleopatra]

I am very confused recently since I noticed a problem in memory and I generally feel less intelligent/unable to stay intellectually stimulated. What could be the reason behind this? 

I don't understand why I am gradually being affected by symptoms instead of being hit with them all at once! Is this a bad sign? And do I expect to have other symptoms or can my current symptoms worsen? I am feeling hopeful since recovery is possible in my case, but I can't lose my personality, wit and ability to learn languages. Please share anything that helped with cognitive function with me.

[Gridley]

45 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

I noticed a problem in memory and I generally feel less intelligent/unable to stay intellectually stimulated. What could be the reason behind this? 

Memory problems and cognitive difficulties are a common symptom of adverse reaction/withdrawal.  Very typical.

 

45 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

I don't understand why I am gradually being affected by symptoms instead of being hit with them all at once! I

That too is perfectly norma.  Symptoms will come and go and come again.  And new ones will pop up.  With me, some are pretty constant,  some come and go and stay away, some come up out of the blue.  

 

45 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

I expect to have other symptoms or can my current symptoms worsen?

It will be normal if new ones pop up. As far as worsening symptoms come, recovery isn't linear--there will be ups and downs.

 

The Windows and Waves Pattern of Stabilization

 

45 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

but I can't lose my personality, wit and ability to learn languages

You won't.  The damage isn't permanent.

 

46 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

Please share anything that helped with cognitive function

Time is really the only cure.  All your faculties and abilities will return in time.

[Ballardbeer]

@cleopatra

great job catching the adverse reaction! i also had an adverse reaction, although quite different from what you are experiencing. it probably happens more often than society realizes, especially the sexual dysfunction part. your brain and nervous system will recover, and in the mean time you're about to develop a lot of tools that will serve you well throughout life. 

[cleopatra]

22 hours ago, Ballardbeer said:

@cleopatra

great job catching the adverse reaction! i also had an adverse reaction, although quite different from what you are experiencing. it probably happens more often than society realizes, especially the sexual dysfunction part. your brain and nervous system will recover, and in the mean time you're about to develop a lot of tools that will serve you well throughout life. 

Hi Ballardbeer, 

Thank you and I hope you are doing well 💟

How are your symptoms nowadays? Or have you recovered? What will recovery actually feel like? Will I be feeling things like sadness the exact same way I used to do, or will it still be a bit suppressed?

Also, you are right! I am currently eager to meet people, go to the park and play football. I want to live and I couldn't be more thankful for this, even if I don't fully feel it.

[Ballardbeer]

2 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

Hi Ballardbeer, 

Thank you and I hope you are doing well 💟

How are your symptoms nowadays? Or have you recovered? What will recovery actually feel like? Will I be feeling things like sadness the exact same way I used to do, or will it still be a bit suppressed?

Also, you are right! I am currently eager to meet people, go to the park and play football. I want to live and I couldn't be more thankful for this, even if I don't fully feel it.

That’s actually a great question. Sertraline definitely suppresses certain feelings and amplifies others, that much is very real. For me all of my anxiety (good and bad) disappeared. And irritability and rage spiked. Today, I’m more anxious than I have been in a v long time (a good thing), and most days I’m calm as a cucumber, but not every day unfortunately. At this point I don’t even know what symptoms remain. Overall my life and personality has shifted significantly, and for the better. I feel more, I see more, and while I’m not quite the same ball of energy, I take care of myself better. What does recovery feel like? To me it has been taking control And responsibility for my own well being. It hasn’t felt great, but I appreciate the spectrum of emotions and feelings and know that what I’m feeling is real and not exactly natural. My CNS still twitches. My body honestly feels lost sometimes. I have not had a strenuous exercise in almost a year. Some days I barely know myself, but some days I feel more alive than ever. Definitely more alive than my drug-induced hypomania months. And while my sex drive never disappeared, it definitely was muted. It’s definitely no longer muted at all. Recovery ebbs and flows and morphs. Emphasize self care and be kind to yourself and it’s okay to take days and weeks off if that’s what the symptoms dictate. I still don’t show up to work sometimes bc it’s just a bad idea. I still don’t drive really because that’s almost always a bad idea for me.

[cleopatra]

On 6/13/2020 at 4:04 AM, Ballardbeer said:

That’s actually a great question. Sertraline definitely suppresses certain feelings and amplifies others, that much is very real. For me all of my anxiety (good and bad) disappeared. And irritability and rage spiked. Today, I’m more anxious than I have been in a v long time (a good thing), and most days I’m calm as a cucumber, but not every day unfortunately. At this point I don’t even know what symptoms remain. Overall my life and personality has shifted significantly, and for the better. I feel more, I see more, and while I’m not quite the same ball of energy, I take care of myself better. What does recovery feel like? To me it has been taking control And responsibility for my own well being. It hasn’t felt great, but I appreciate the spectrum of emotions and feelings and know that what I’m feeling is real and not exactly natural. My CNS still twitches. My body honestly feels lost sometimes. I have not had a strenuous exercise in almost a year. Some days I barely know myself, but some days I feel more alive than ever. Definitely more alive than my drug-induced hypomania months. And while my sex drive never disappeared, it definitely was muted. It’s definitely no longer muted at all. Recovery ebbs and flows and morphs. Emphasize self care and be kind to yourself and it’s okay to take days and weeks off if that’s what the symptoms dictate. I still don’t show up to work sometimes bc it’s just a bad idea. I still don’t drive really because that’s almost always a bad idea for me.

Dear Ballardbeer, 

Thank you for taking the time to reply to my questions and sorry for my late response. 
Looking at what you've written now makes me very grateful for feeling the same way you do at this stage, which wasn't the case when I first read your post!
I felt like a child, who desperately wanted to feel like they will once again become the exact same person they were in the past! a person who felt everything so intensely and to extremes, who was always overthinking and instead of living was waiting for the right time to start living, when there will never be a right time for that!
Now I accept the pain, I am being gentle with myself and I look at the past and think "She was lovely, worthy of love and peace of mind" and maybe I would have never felt that way about myself unless I experienced this!
I feel very calm in general and anxious when I need to interact with people, which is unlike myself, but I believe that I am the perfect person to go through this! Because I now think of my Diabetic father and how his nervous system must be the reason behind some of his severe symptoms and how I can help him. I now will never become a dismissive and uncompassionate practitioner who never listens to people just because "the leaflet states..." and I will hold into my ambitions firmly and work on my big projects, so that one day I can confidently take this matter to a committee that will support our community and prevent future damage. 
I am very happy that you don't force yourself to do anything that sounds like a bad idea, I always struggled with that and pushed myself too hard when I needed to rest. I will always keep this in mind!

Again, thank you and I hope you get well soon. 

[cleopatra]

Hello,

I am writing this hoping someone can answer my question. 

Eventhough I have accepted what happened and moved on with my life quicker than I expected; also despite the loss of emotions that has been so difficult for me to process,

I still have the urge to address this physical symptom I am experiencing.

The loss of sensation in extremities, genital area (Neuropathy and Sexual Dysfunction). 

I read in the leaflet that the drug increases your risk of developing Diabetes, a disease I wanted to physically run away from when people mentioned it, but I still took the drug thinking that it's probably "very rare", since it isn't under the side effects (I still can't believe I did that, feels like someone else and not me).

Can it be that I am having the loss of sensation and Sexual Dysfunction that people with Diabetes have? If I have developed Diabetes, can it be acute in this case and will resolve?

I don't really think I am ready to undergo a check for that, as it will have a tremendous negative effect on me at this stage.

[cleopatra]

Hi @Altostrata

I have been struggling to find Adverse reaction success stories on the site. 

Can you please share some of them with me? 

 

[Frogie]

Hi:

 

 I found some stories you might be interested in on page 4 of this:

 

Recovery Success Stories from Around the Web

 

Sorry, I can’t figure out how to link the page on my iPad.

 

Hope that helps just a little.

 

Take care,

Frogie xx

Edited July 14, 2020 by Frogie

[Altostrata]

It is unlikely you will develop diabetes from your short exposure to sertraline.

[ChessieCat]

success-stories-recovery-from-withdrawal

 

These are the search results in the above forum for adverse.

 

recovery-success-stories-from-around-the-web

 

Edited July 15, 2020 by ChessieCat

[cleopatra]

@Frogie and @ChessieCat Thank you so much for sharing these topics with me as they have been extremely helpful to have hope for recovery. 

@Altostrata that is a relief! Thank you for answering the question. 

 

I probably will post a positive update in case I don't come back motivated enough to write one. 

[ChessieCat]

5 minutes ago, cleopatra said:

Thank you so much for sharing these topics with me as they have been extremely helpful to have hope for recovery. 

 

I'm glad that you are feeling more positive now.  Thank you for letting us know.

 

Yes, please do continue to let us know how your are going.

 

The following is from this link - Surviving Antidepressants mission:  about-survivingantidepressantsorg

 

  

On 5/15/2011 at 5:22 AM, Altostrata said:

 

This site is also a research project. The personal stories on this site are documentation of an iatrogenic condition -- suffering caused by medical treatment -- that is almost always ignored, misdiagnosed, or denied by the medical establishment. Given the widespread prescription of antidepressants to tens of millions of people worldwide, withdrawal syndrome probably affects hundreds of thousands if not millions -- including newborns and children.

...

With our documentation of antidepressant withdrawal syndrome, we hope to educate the medical establishment about this problem. Case studies are essential; they are evidence understood by doctors, the psychiatric industry, and government regulatory agencies. The have already informed numerous articles in major publications and scientific papers.

Our hope is, eventually, antidepressants and other psychiatric drugs will be prescribed rarely, and only in cases of extremely severe mental illness after less invasive treatments have been tried.

Please join Surviving Antidepressants in its mission to support, document, and educate about psychiatric drug withdrawal syndrome.

 

 

[Frogie]

1 hour ago, cleopatra said:

@Frogie and @ChessieCat Thank you so much for sharing these topics with me as they have been extremely helpful to have hope for recovery. 

@Altostrata that is a relief! Thank you for answering the question. 

 

I probably will post a positive update in case I don't come back motivated enough to write one. 

Glad I could help.

 

Please keep us posted on how you’re doing.

[cleopatra]

So... here is my (somewhat) positive update: 

 

I don't know what has been improving lately in terms of mental symptoms, since I quit looking too much into it for my own good. However, the loss of sensation in skin continues to improve as I mentioned in my first post and I'm definitely not struggling with urinary/bowel incontinence like I was early in May.

 

My life has changed so much in these 3.5 months, but I have been very calm, collected and able to break barriers with my family, because my thoughts (non-existent currently) are not stopping me from showing care and affection.

 

I am really taking this as a break from my whole-consuming, overwhelming and over-analytical brain that made every detail a new opportunity to get hurt.

 

Everytime I think that this ordeal could have been prevented if I found this site earlier, I remember how painful everyday was for me and how I would've continued to study something I pretended to like, spend time

with people that don't appreciate me and feel pressured to live a life that is not mine anyway. I now believe that this reality is motivating me to make necessary changes in my life.

 

I started this journey with, what seemed to be, never-ending grief over my loss and fear of permenant damage, but slowly progressed into being very hopeful and on my toes for a change that can happen in the next minute, maybe tommorrow? or no WAIT! on average, it takes 1.5 - 2.5 years, how about 3-4 years? What if I (unlikely) take 20 years? I broke down in tears (crying is a huge progress)! And right after that, I stopped being so alert! I wasn't waiting anymore.

 

I think I finally found true acceptance 👏, where hope is not lost yet not explicitly present!

 

Dear reader, I would like to remind you that despite the dire situation, positive things can and will happen all the time around you and me, even if we are unable to feel fully/partially positive or feel anything at all!

 

To make the previous statement believable, here is a list of all the positive things that happened after the doctor's tasteless April fools (I was prescribed the "completely safe" Sertraline on the 1st of April): 

 

- I had an amazing religious transformation. 

- I challenged myself to exercise everday for one week and succeeded. 

- I started IF, I am drinking more water and I reduced caffeine intake.

- I made an amazing friend @Amira123, who is so much fun and made me feel less lonely in this. Love you Amira ❤️.

- I am getting closer to my family everyday.

- I take walks with family members every other day and take beautiful pictures that I never hesitate to post like I used to do.

 

I will come back when I think of anything else.

 

For the time being, take care and hope all of you reading this get well soon.

[cleopatra]

Oh yes, 

I now remember something: 

- when I walk I link a lot of what I see to old memories 🙌

[Amira]

It's my pleasure to be your friend @cleopatra ❤️ Always remember this is not the end of your life.  A new beginning is waiting for you on the other side, it's just a matter of time. Hang in there . Love you 💞

[cleopatra]

@Amira123 pleasure to get to know you too despite the difficult circumstances Amira ❤️.

It is difficult to not think of this as that one "devastating" and "tragic" event in my life after feeling like my health has gone down the drain.

 

But, with God's mercy then your help I have been doing really well. I hope you recover soon and live your life to the fullest.

 

بحبك ☀️

[cleopatra]

Update:

 

I have struggled in the past with expressing my sadness and grief and to some extent still do as you can see in my overly-cheerful posts!

Even in this cruel situation, I have continued to sound happy until I finally realized that I was subconsciously telling myself that "being miserable on the inside has always been the norm and this is how you will live your life". 

 

I eventually and, finally, reached a very low point! I was so hopeless in a way I never experienced before and I was feeling like it does NOT even MATTER if I don't recover, but I decided not to update my thread as I wish to only post about a wave once I am in a window so I don't scare anybody.

 

As a result of the recent wave, I had a fall out with my mom (she's still my supporter and I love her, but she needs to see that I get hurt too and this time it's serious). Also, I minimised contact with people who denied the condition and I am very determined to keep it that way even after I recover. I think this is a result of the window I am experiencing right now.

 

First off, I think Omega 3 fish oil (1000 mg) had a role in alleviating the hopelessness, loss of faith and constant sleeping. I stared taking 1 capsule on the 2nd of August (2 days ago) and it has helped me find some pleasure in sleeping when I only slept to escape reality.

 

Although this is a window, I am not my complete self. Yet, I am having a sudden feeling of self-respect and appreciation for my worth and for being true in terms of how I feel and what I think despite any judgment. I made the decision to cut some people off to allow them to reflect on their behaviour, which was never my fault when I only needed love and support.

 

I suddenly had the urge to eat healthy (biggest struggle now and pre-med), take care of myself and to believe less in "you will take a long time to recover" and more in "you will have a full recovery and this is not permanent".

I am still trying my best to cope with the fear of having a remaining symptom that will take years on its own before it's completely resolved (PSSD for example) and of not being a whole person, which I don't know how likely that would be after an adverse reaction.

 

However, I think what is worth mentioning is that since I started saying to myself "hold your head up high and have some strength" I have been experiencing mind clarity and contentment. The brain is truly amazing! And if something that powerful can be damaged then it sure is powerful to regain its shape.

[cleopatra]

Update: 

 

My depression has lifted, yet I am still  anhedonic/emotionally blunted.

The loss of sensation has also significantly improved and I can feel the warmth/coldness of my bed sheets nowadays.

 

I seem very spaced out most of the time and don't get stressed over my condition or while reading stories on the forum, except for a few occasions when I would feel very uncomfortable and cry and I have promised myself not to do that so I don't affect my recovery in any way. 

 

What has been helping me: 

- Praying 

- Yoga 

 

I wish I can study and start journaling, but I feel very scared of documenting this because I hate to remember that it happened or experience anything that reminds me of my symptoms (studying for example). I am hoping that a miracle would happen and I'd still manage to attain good grades this year somehow!

[ChessieCat]

7 hours ago, cleopatra said:

I wish I can study and start journaling, but I feel very scared of documenting this because I hate to remember that it happened or experience anything that reminds me of my symptoms (studying for example).

 

I suggest that you journal the good things.  And if you want to study (by enrolling in a course), you could start by finding some free online study in what you are interested in which would mean that there wouldn't be the stress of committing to something but will be a stepping stone on the path to getting where you want to go.

 

It helps if you can start exercising your brain, but do it in a way which doesn't add stress.

[cleopatra]

On 9/2/2020 at 12:39 AM, ChessieCat said:

 

I suggest that you journal the good things.  And if you want to study (by enrolling in a course), you could start by finding some free online study in what you are interested in which would mean that there wouldn't be the stress of committing to something but will be a stepping stone on the path to getting where you want to go.

 

It helps if you can start exercising your brain, but do it in a way which doesn't add stress.

 

Thank you @ChessieCat,

I am doing a pharmacy degree and it is a bit uncomfortable to read course materials as adverse reactions are repeatedly mentioned.

To study I had to utilize the skill of dissociating from my own problems, a skill I had prior to this mess. I didn't have the option of leaving university this year unfortunately, so I guess I will need to cope and avoid what I can avoid.

I often tell myself I will get a chance to do it all again! I will be studying something else, somewhere else, hopefully as someone else, I find comfort in that thought. 

[cleopatra]

I hope someone sees this question. 

I am struggling to stay awake rather than to fall asleep and I am sensitive to caffeine. Is there something to do to stay awake? This issue has been distressing because I have missed classes as a result of my body just forcing my eyes shut.

Any advice would be appreciated.

[cleopatra]

 

I just found out that my dad was on a benzodiazepine 2 years ago and he stopped cold-turkey. This explains many things to me. The fights with my mom, the aggressive behaviour and the out-of-character things he did. He lost so much weight and is now bed-bound, likely because he tried to take the drug again after stopping it for a long time. I have informed him and my mom about the dangers of these drugs and I assured him that he will heal, eventhough it is hard for me to believe that myself because he has been visibly damaged. 

 

The loud fights back then made my siblings so ashamed that they started avoiding friends and isolated themselves.

I became depressed because everytime I looked at my family I only saw shattered people. These mind altering drugs have devastated my life way before I first took them.

Even if I get better, my life will never be any different. I might never know what a happy family looks like and everytime I see my siblings I realise that the damage done to their characters and self-esteem is more irreversible than my condition.

 

My father is at risk of going blind because of diabetes, and I don't know if the drug triggered this. I can't believe that someone as anhedonic as me can hurt that much.

My family and I deserved a good life, a happy life. It's sad that those who were involved never saw it that way.

 

Thank you for informing me about my condition, I hope everyone here gets to have a happy ending.

 

this is going to be my last update 👋❤️

 

[Phoenixmama]

@cleopatra how are you now ?🌞

[ThatOneGirlStitch]

@cleopatra Checking in. How are you?