Popular Post servadei Posted July 25, 2020 Popular Post Share Posted July 25, 2020 (edited) Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors. Edited November 20, 2020 by ChessieCat 17 CD off meds in July 2015, not on any medication since. Went through WD nightmare, now dealing with normal anxiety, but decided not to leave this forum yet because I want to support and give hope to others. ♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TryingtohaveHope Posted July 27, 2020 Share Posted July 27, 2020 Thanks for writing this! 1 I've been on medications on and off since I was probably 13...maybe earlier. It's kind of murky. I know for sure I was on meds when I wa 16. Then off then at 18ish then off then I went back on in grad school then off. I've tried paxil, prozac, effexor, celexa, wellbutrin. I was put on latuda and had a not great reaction after 5 months. I took myself off recently and am not on anything now. WENT OFF LATUDA OCTOBER 2015. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted July 31, 2020 Mentor Share Posted July 31, 2020 thank you! very good advice indeed!! PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JackieDecides Posted August 1, 2020 Share Posted August 1, 2020 what a beautiful post! so much good info and so well put! I was especially struck by this: On 7/25/2020 at 1:16 PM, servadei said: I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Currently taking Ramapril (blood pressure) 5 mg twice a day Omeprazole 10 mg AM and 20 mg PM (the taper has gone nowhere after the first cut) Famotidine once a day (and I still needs tums sometimes) magnesium 200 mg at night as of yesterday 2 fish oil capsules "EPA-DHA 1000" off Lexapro as of 5/2018 - last dose had been 5 mg every other day for a couple years highest dose had been 20 mg at which point I was diagnosed with Bipolar II, which went away when I cut the lexapro down to 15 mg. I spent years on Paxil before Lexapro (can't remember dose), briefly on Effexor and Abilify and others I have forgotten. in fact, when I was diagnoses with BPII I was put on all kinds of things which made me feel so bad I stopped them cold turkey within maybe 3 or 4 weeks, thank goodness. since then I've known these pills were terrible and I weaned down the Lexapro with zero help or support over I'm not sure how many years. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servadei Posted August 7, 2020 Author Share Posted August 7, 2020 Thanks for reading guys! Glad it helped a bit! 2 CD off meds in July 2015, not on any medication since. Went through WD nightmare, now dealing with normal anxiety, but decided not to leave this forum yet because I want to support and give hope to others. ♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor Happy2Heal Posted November 20, 2020 Mentor Share Posted November 20, 2020 On 7/25/2020 at 4:16 PM, servadei said: TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. yes yes yes it's like this for me! I can't believe I did not comment on how entertaining your success story is! it's great! even though I'm 3 yrs past zero myself I will come back here to re read this because it so accurately captures what WD was like and the way you tell it is so much fun to read 1 PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME PRIVATE MESSAGES, thank you. pysch med history: 1974 @ age 18 to Oct 2017 (approx 43 yrs total) Drug list: stelazine, haldol, elavil, lithium, zoloft, celexa, lexapro(doses as high as 40mgs), klonopin, ambien, seroquel(high doses), depakote, zyprexa, lamictal- plus brief trials of dozens of other psych meds over the years started lexapro 2002, dose varied from 20mgs to 40mgs. First attempt to get off it was 2007- WD symptoms were mistaken for "relapse". 2013 too fast taper down to 5mg but WD forced me back to 20mgs June of 2105, tapered again too rapidly to 2.5mgs by Dec 2015. Found SA, held at 2.5 mgs til May 2016 when I foolishly "jumped off". felt ok until Sept, then acute WD hit!! reinstated at 0.3mgs in Oct. 2106 Tapered off to zero by Oct. 2017 Doing very well. Nov. 2018 feel 95% healed, age 63 Jan. 2020 feel 100% healed, peaceful and content Dec 2023 Loving life! ❤️ with all it's ups and downs Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted November 20, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 20, 2020 On 7/26/2020 at 6:16 AM, servadei said: I would change my signature but I don't know how Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Armorall Posted November 21, 2020 Share Posted November 21, 2020 Wow, I somehow missed when you posted this in July! Great to hear! I remember contacting you and you said you weren't ready for a success story yet, but as of July...you were! Congratulations! Enjoy and thanks for posting. 1 3/21/19 started Bupropion XL 150 mg 3/21/19 started Risperidone 2mg 7/7/19 start Abilify half dose 5 mg. discontinue Risperidone 7/9/19 full dose Abilify 10 mg 7/29/19 discontinued Abilify due to panicky side effects 8/2/19 Began Latuda 20 mg 8/5/19 discontinued Latuda due to similar side effects 8/10/19 discontinued Bupropion after realizing it was causing the insomnia From 8/10/19 no drugs whatsoever Currently taking vitamin C, D, E, a probiotic and fish oil. Message me here if you want: https://www.facebook.com/morra.lal.3/ I've been getting a lot of fake friend requests, so please send a message before friend requesting me, thank you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus ChessieCat Posted November 21, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 21, 2020 I moved the topic because it was getting missed where it had been. Other members get a lot of encouragement from reading about other members who have recovered. 1 * NO LONGER ACTIVE on SA * MISSION ACCOMPLISHED: (6 year taper) 0mg Pristiq on 13th November 2021 ADs since ~1992: 25+ years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after); Pristiq: 50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity) Tapering from Oct 2015 - 13 Nov 2021 LAST DOSE 0.0025mg Post 0 updates start here My tapering program My Intro (goes to tapering graph) VIDEO: Antidepressant Withdrawal Syndrome and its Management Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted November 27, 2020 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 27, 2020 On 7/25/2020 at 3:16 PM, servadei said: Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). ....... (rest of post cut for brevity) Servadai, your story has really just helped me. I was doing so well over the past 3-4 weeks, when suddenly WHAM! I got hit with a nasty wave. I'm chalking it up to the stress of the holiday (Thanksgiving in the USA), my husband being really stressed and snapping at me, and my son being home from college for a week. I really feel like crap. It is so disheartening to feel like I'm finally starting to get a life again, only to have it suddenly snatched away again, so unpredictably. This is truly a roller coaster ride. However, I'm not giving up. I feel like I've journeyed, on foot from the western coast of Europe, all the way to the east cost of China, on foot, and am just 50 or 100 miles from my destination. I'm not going back now! I've come too far. The worst feeling is feeling SO physically and mentally exhausted, yet so unable to relax and sleep because I feel jumpy and agitated inside. It's an awful feeling. Anyway, I hope someday to finally reach the end of my destination. 3 Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alex2 Posted November 28, 2020 Share Posted November 28, 2020 Thank you S 😀 . 1 Unfortunately … Klonopin - average 2mg per day, 1997 - 2017 Zoloft - 75mg per day, 1991 - 2020 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servadei Posted December 20, 2020 Author Share Posted December 20, 2020 Thanks everyone for your comments and support!! I'm glad if it helped you even 1%. 😊 Wishing you all the best for holidays!! ♡ 3 CD off meds in July 2015, not on any medication since. Went through WD nightmare, now dealing with normal anxiety, but decided not to leave this forum yet because I want to support and give hope to others. ♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimboslice Posted September 20, 2021 Share Posted September 20, 2021 Hey.. how you getting on? 1 OCT 2016 - I quit Sertraline 50 mg CT after a family bereavement had turned my life upside down .. as a result it felt the drug was totally ineffective. MAY 2017- After what had been an appalling 6 months (which i thought was horrific grief but now realise it is likely withdrawal is the more likely culprit) I reinstated Sertraline at 50 mg before raising the dose to 100 mg due to not feeling any effect (again this is something that makes sense now). In time i had started to feel normal again and presumed it was because I had worked my way through my prolonged grief. FEB 2019 - Life was now back on track and decided it was time to try and rid myself of the shameful daily pill pop that is AD's. I quit Sertraline Via a fast taper... but may aswell have been a CT. JUN 2019 - I found SA . .. realised i was withdrawing .. and had inadvertently made multiple mistakes along the way. NOV 2019 - I'm roughly 8-9 months into withdrawal & STRUGGLING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnusualRoom Posted December 21, 2021 Share Posted December 21, 2021 Printed this out while crying. Thank you. 2 Luvox (2015, 100mg) Xanax (2018, 1mg as needed) Pristiq (2018 for 3 weeks then ended CT) Gabapentin (2018) Lyrica (2018) **Weaned off all drugs except Luvox between 2019-2020** Luvox (2020 increased to 300mg) Luvox (2021 decreased to various levels between 200-125; 2021 100-150 around my period for PMDD; Late September 2021: Start weaning off 100mg;September ?-Oct 3 Various dosages between 100 and 75 recommended by doctor; October 3-8: 75mg (various doses through the day for w/d.; October 9-18: 50mg; October 20-29: 37.5mg; October 30-Nov 1: 25mg; November 2-November 19: Back to 37.5mg; November 20-December 4: 31.25mg; December 4-December 21: 25mg;December 21-December 23: up-dosed to 31.25mg doing 6.25 in the morning and 25mg at night; 12/23-present: 6.25mg Luvox AM/25 mg Luvox PM; 0.0625mg of Xanax at 8 AM, 2 PM and 8 PM.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NardilTime Posted December 22, 2021 Share Posted December 22, 2021 What is DP/DR? 2000 - 2020 - Effexor 250 mg November 2020 began Nardil 60 mg reduced Nardil from January 2021 to August 2021 to 0 mg. Drug free. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted November 8, 2022 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted November 8, 2022 @servadeihow are you doing now? I am now off Lexapro as of 4 months ago, and getting slowly better. 1 Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servadei Posted November 23, 2022 Author Share Posted November 23, 2022 Wow, I didn't even see some of the replies here! Sorry guys, but at least you know if someone's not answering that much they're actually living their life right? Little update - got my PhD, worked while getting a PhD, fell in love and found an awesome bf, and I'm off to getting my drivers license. I still have a lot of problems with anxiety and depression (especially in winter) but as you can see, it's nowhere as nightmarish as it used to be. Praying for everyone..stay hopeful.🙏 2 CD off meds in July 2015, not on any medication since. Went through WD nightmare, now dealing with normal anxiety, but decided not to leave this forum yet because I want to support and give hope to others. ♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kimboslice Posted November 23, 2022 Share Posted November 23, 2022 Hi @servadei. I’m so happy you’ve been able to regain your life and some of the beautiful and normal things that come with that. I wanted to ask about the windows and waves pattern and how that unravelled toward the end of your withdrawal. I’m 3.75 years off.. I’ve improved monumentally over the last 0.75 years and am thankful for that.. but, although my windows are far more prolonged and open than my waves (like windows tend to at least be 4+ weeks wide now), My waves are still quite intense at times and can leave me feeling shell shocked and damaged for a week or so at a time. It can genuinely be quite surprising to go from feeling pretty functional, to revert back into feeling sensitive and full of brain fog. Was this the case for you? Because I go from being genuinely encouraged and positive about my circumstances and then out of no where back to being out of control.. and really frustrated. Any feedback would be great. thanks. 1 OCT 2016 - I quit Sertraline 50 mg CT after a family bereavement had turned my life upside down .. as a result it felt the drug was totally ineffective. MAY 2017- After what had been an appalling 6 months (which i thought was horrific grief but now realise it is likely withdrawal is the more likely culprit) I reinstated Sertraline at 50 mg before raising the dose to 100 mg due to not feeling any effect (again this is something that makes sense now). In time i had started to feel normal again and presumed it was because I had worked my way through my prolonged grief. FEB 2019 - Life was now back on track and decided it was time to try and rid myself of the shameful daily pill pop that is AD's. I quit Sertraline Via a fast taper... but may aswell have been a CT. JUN 2019 - I found SA . .. realised i was withdrawing .. and had inadvertently made multiple mistakes along the way. NOV 2019 - I'm roughly 8-9 months into withdrawal & STRUGGLING Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peaceandlove Posted November 23, 2022 Share Posted November 23, 2022 1 hour ago, servadei said: Wow, I didn't even see some of the replies here! Sorry guys, but at least you know if someone's not answering that much they're actually living their life right? Little update - got my PhD, worked while getting a PhD, fell in love and found an awesome bf, and I'm off to getting my drivers license. I still have a lot of problems with anxiety and depression (especially in winter) but as you can see, it's nowhere as nightmarish as it used to be. Praying for everyone..stay hopeful.🙏 Wow these are all literally the same things I wanna do when I get better lol. Finish school, work, find love, & drive again. I’m so happy for you. Did you ever experience acid reflux as a withdrawal symptom? April 2022- Only 1 celxa pill 10mg had an adverse reaction & never took anymore again Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Thorin Posted November 24, 2022 Share Posted November 24, 2022 So great to read. Thank you Age 16 (1995 - 2000) -Paroxetine Age 21 (2000-2004) - Effexor 37.5mg Age 24 (2004-2012) - Lexapro (70mg), Xanax minimum 2mg Xanax a day About 32 (2012-2017?) - Every mood stabiliser under the sun (not at the same time) and minimum 2mg Xanax a day; occasional amisulpride About 35 (2017-current) - Lurasidone 80 mg, quickly titrated down to 40mg, Pristiq (50 mg), minimum of 2mg Xanax a day About 41 (2020) Switched from Xanax to clonazepam and started tapering at 0.125 mg each reduction, tapered off Pristiq with a cross taper at the end, low dose of dextroamphetamine. Age 42 (2021) Tried to taper off Lurasidone three times. Quick taper from 40mg to 0 mg over a couple of months the first time. Reinstated at 20mg. Tried twice more to taper from 20 mg to 0 mg dropping by 5 mg each reduction (about every 2 weeks). Age 42-43 (April 2022) 20mg-18mg; May 18mg-16mg; June 16-14mg; September 14-12mg; September 12-14mg reinstated. February 2023 - hiccup with brand change, Back to Apotek brand and switch to homemade suspension. Age 44 (August 2023 -restarted clonazepam taper). Start dose 0.375mg. 1/9/2023 - 0.365mg; 1/10/2023 - 0.324mg; 1/11/2023 - 0.264mg; 1/12/2023 - 0.25 mg (holding); 1/2/2024 - 0.232mg; 1/3/2024 - 0.221mg; 1/4/2024 - 0.205mg; Health regimen: walks, hot/cold showers, ice baths, breathwork, mostly healthy diet, therapy...... Open to ideas! Supplements: Milk Kefir, Mag, Omega 3, CBD/THC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nypeaches89 Posted December 12, 2022 Share Posted December 12, 2022 On 11/23/2022 at 8:25 PM, servadei said: Wow, I didn't even see some of the replies here! Sorry guys, but at least you know if someone's not answering that much they're actually living their life right? Little update - got my PhD, worked while getting a PhD, fell in love and found an awesome bf, and I'm off to getting my drivers license. I still have a lot of problems with anxiety and depression (especially in winter) but as you can see, it's nowhere as nightmarish as it used to be. Praying for everyone..stay hopeful.🙏 Thanks for your story that gives me hope. I’m 1 year off and all I got is new problems (namely extreme pmdd). I was wondering, did you have 5 years of withdrawal symptoms I read that correctly?? which symptoms? Did they slowly disappear? Or did you have more and more windows? 1 April 2020: 10mg Escitalopram July 2020: fast tapper tried to quit. Failed. september 2020: Trintellix 20mg. october 2021: fast taper off Trintellix (1 week). Reinstated 10mg in January 2022 for 3 weeks, failed, kindling effect so I quit rapidly, now off meds since then. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hartattack Posted December 14, 2022 Share Posted December 14, 2022 Thank you for this story. I am Catholic too and struggling in WD. Can you explain a bit more about your timeline? When did you feel the healing was happening most? I am years off and not healing as much as I thought I would be. The DP/DR is still very severe. Thank you! Zoloft: 2013- 2015, 50mg; 2016- 2016, 100mg; 2017- 2017, 250mg Prozac: 2018- 2019, 40mg; 2019- Christmas 2020, 80mg tapered down to 0mg over the course of 6 months. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Phoenixmama Posted March 6, 2023 Share Posted March 6, 2023 On 11/23/2022 at 12:17 PM, Kimboslice said: Hi @servadei. I’m so happy you’ve been able to regain your life and some of the beautiful and normal things that come with that. I wanted to ask about the windows and waves pattern and how that unravelled toward the end of your withdrawal. I’m 3.75 years off.. I’ve improved monumentally over the last 0.75 years and am thankful for that.. but, although my windows are far more prolonged and open than my waves (like windows tend to at least be 4+ weeks wide now), My waves are still quite intense at times and can leave me feeling shell shocked and damaged for a week or so at a time. It can genuinely be quite surprising to go from feeling pretty functional, to revert back into feeling sensitive and full of brain fog. Was this the case for you? Because I go from being genuinely encouraged and positive about my circumstances and then out of no where back to being out of control.. and really frustrated. Any feedback would be great. thanks. @Kimboslice hi i didnt read your thread i just found you commenting on someone elses post , may i ask did you have a adverse reaction? i did and im 24 months into healing and i find that last year was better then the last 5 months and im starting to wonder am i even in wd anymore is this the new me ?? or could it be safe to say i could still be in wd , im still having waves and windows but they are both short.... i guess what im trying to say is i totally understand what you are going through -" I go from being genuinely encouraged and positive about my circumstances and then out of no where back to being out of control.. and really frustrated." sorry for butting in on your comments 2021: started celexa 10mg feb 2nd feb 25th took my last 10g; feb 26th 5mg; feb 27th 5mg; feb 28th 2021 cold turkey currently taking mag Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Emeritus getofflex Posted April 14, 2023 Moderator Emeritus Share Posted April 14, 2023 This is a fantastic success story, with excellent coping skills! I will be sharing this with the members here, when I'm done being on a break from moderating. Congrats on the PhD! Your story is truly inspiring. Please do not private message me. Only tag me for urgent questions about tapering and reinstating - thank you. ***Please note this is not medical advice. Discuss any decisions about your medical care with a doctor who understands psych meds and how to withdraw from them, if you can find one. Lexapro Started Apr 15 2010 - 10 mg; started taper August 2017, recent taper info: Apr 2 '20 0.18 mg; Jul 16 0.17 mg, Aug 23 0.16 mg, Oct 7 0.15 mg, Nov 8 - 0.14, Jan 16 '21 - 0.13, Feb 7 - 0.12, Feb 22 - 0.11, Mar 26 - 0.10, May 21 - 0.09, June 15 - 0.08 Aug 16 - 0.07, Oct 6 - 0.06, Nov 21 0.05, Dec. 17 0.04, Jan 14 '22 0.03, Feb 19 0.02, Apr 18 0.01, May 15 0.005, Jul 8, 0.00. Psych Drug Free as of July 8, 2022!! Woohoo!!! other meds: Levothyroxine 75 mg magnesium in small amounts at 4 AM, before bed suppl AM: fish oil, flax oil, vit C, vit E, multivitamin, zinc suppl 8 PM: magnesium 350 mg, extended release vitamin C, melatonin 2 mg Paxil 2002 - 2010, switched to Lexapro 2010 Trazodone 50 mg. 2002 - 2019, fast tapered in 2019 Xanax 0.5 mg as needed 2002 - 2019, up to 3x weekly Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
servadei Posted December 2, 2023 Author Share Posted December 2, 2023 Hi guys! For some reason I always remeber this forum during the colder month and holidays. I guess it's because it was always the hardest time for me to cope with what I'm going through and even though I am so much better, I still genuinely feel empathy for anyone going through this... it was the hardest time in my life, but when I remember it I feel so grateful for the little thing, the things people don't even think about. I hope that for all of you as well. ❤️ A little update: 1. I just want to correct myself, I wrote PhD which is totally not true!! Lol! English is not my first language and I meant to say I got master degree (hope that still counts 🤭). 2. Remember when I said I found an awesome bf? I am getting married next year! For years I thought that was totally off the table, and someone like me should NEVER get married and have kids. I didn't want to burden someone with my problems. As I said I still have anxiety, but with the right person, future starts too feel a bit more optimistic. Plus, don't deprive yourself of of relationship because you feel you don't deserve it or can't have it. I was really sceptical about it but it has done wonders for me psychologically. Everybody told me they never seen me so happy. 3. I got my drivers licence this year. For some people it may not be scary, but I think people here will understand. For some getting drivers licence or for some learning to drive again is hard. I understand it. I'm not driving much since I got it but seeing how much I went through I am positive I will conquer that too! For now I am content I got it since it was one of my BIGGEST FEARS. I truly feel for anyone going through this. It is the hardest thing I've been through and the scar will remain as long as I am alive. But I also learned as humans are incredibly resilient and since God is the most important part of my journey and can't help not to mention Him. He truly turns suffering into a song. There is an old saying which says that God writes straight with crooked lines. And that's really what is true in my life. This is not a post to convert people. Just a simple update and a wish for everyone to truly get better. Don't give up, you are all so strong, and the future you can't imagine is waiting for you! Have a happy and blessed holidays. ❤️ 1 CD off meds in July 2015, not on any medication since. Went through WD nightmare, now dealing with normal anxiety, but decided not to leave this forum yet because I want to support and give hope to others. ♡ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mentor littlebird Posted December 2, 2023 Mentor Share Posted December 2, 2023 2 hours ago, servadei said: I am getting married next year! For years I thought that was totally off the table, and someone like me should NEVER get married and have kids. I didn't want to burden someone with my problems. As I said I still have anxiety, but with the right person, future starts too feel a bit more optimistic. Plus, don't deprive yourself of of relationship because you feel you don't deserve it or can't have it. I was really sceptical about it but it has done wonders for me psychologically. Everybody told me they never seen me so happy. Congratulations!! Wow, I'm so happy for you. 🥰 I got married not too long ago and it's been such a blessing. 2 hours ago, servadei said: There is an old saying which says that God writes straight with crooked lines. I love this, hadn't heard that before. 2 hours ago, servadei said: Just a simple update and a wish for everyone to truly get better. Don't give up, you are all so strong, and the future you can't imagine is waiting for you! Have a happy and blessed holidays. ❤️ Thank you, your post made me feel all warm and hopeful! Happy holidays, with lots of love and light. Enjoy wedding planning with your beloved! 1 Pronouns: they/them/theirs Started on Prozac in early 2000s to treat cPTSD, been on various cocktails ever since. 2002-2004, 2017-2022: Buspar, tapered down to 0 2016-present: 100mg Seroquel for sleep -> May 2023: 90mg -> June 2023: 81mg -> September 2023: 72mg -> switched to brand name, much too strong, down to 60mg -> October 2023: 54mg -> November 2023: 50mg -> January 2024: 45mg -> April 2024: 40.5mg 2016-Present: 100mg Wellbutrin SR -> January 2023: 75mg IR (37.5mg 2x a day) -> February 2023 (33.75mg 2x a day) -> July 2023 (30.37mg 2x a day) -> August 2023: 27.33mg 2x a day 2018-present: 25mg Pristiq 2015-present: 600mg Gabapentin (200mg 3x a day) -> December 2022: 300mg Gabapentin (100mg 3x a day) per GP's recommendation after side effects -> March 2023: 90mg 3x a day (switched to liquid suspension) -> April 2023: 81mg 3x a day -> September 2023: bad generic, switched back to homemade liquid; too strong after bad generic, down to 70mg 3x a day, still bad. Adjusted slowly till at 60mg 3x a day, much better. Long hold till -> December 2023: 54mg, still feels too high after November Seroquel switch from brand name to generic, doc recommended 50mg which feels better -> January 2024: When Wellbutrin went down, Gabapentin started putting me to sleep, went down to 45mg, then 41mg to stay awake, so far so good -> February 2024: 36mg, still too high, 34mg -> March 2024: 31mg, STILL too high, 30mg Supplements: Multivitamin w/magnesium, probiotics, digestive enzymes, anti-viral nitric oxide nose spray as needed Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Giuly88 Posted December 11, 2023 Share Posted December 11, 2023 On 7/25/2020 at 9:16 PM, servadei said: Servadai's Introduction topic Hey guys! Long time no hear - my signature says I'm 3 years off but this year, on 10th of July I 'celebrated' my 5 years off of AD's. I would change my signature but I don't know how - that being said I'm loving what you did with the site. I'm going to try to write this with a bit of humour, because that is my style, so if you find it a bit 'aggressive' please know this was not my intent, and the sole purpose for writing this is because I care about all of you and empathise deeply with all of you. I know how it feels when your brain feels like it's been replaced with a piece of fried chicken (even though I'm afraid that even a fried chicken is an euphemism). My story short - I cold turkeyed 10 mgs of escitalopram (some of you may know it as Lexapro). My life completely changes shortly after and I entered what was an absolute hell for me (seriously, I'm catholic and that's what my version of hell would look like). Thankfully, I am doing a lot better now and I wanted to share a couple of things I learned along the way. I still suffer from anxiety, as I did before WD, it is worse than it was but it's nowhere near WD nightmare. I am not on any kind of medication and the only supplement I use is Omega3. Here are some of the things, and if I remember something later I will edit or write in the comments. DON'T GOOGLE STUFF. For the love of God, don't do it. If you're new here, there is plenty of sound advice in topic named 'Read this first' and in my opinion that is enough. Now when I say don't google stuff I mean don't google every symptom, every emotion, every fear and thought and overanalyse it. I promise you 99.99999 % of everything you feel and experience in WD is COMPLETELY NORMAL. Imagine your brain as a very stressed person trying to find best solutions and having to run the household (your body)... of course it's going to act wacky. It's not worth stressing it out further by reading into stuff and imagining even worse case scenarios. If you want to google kittens, puppies, babies, watch pretty youtube videos or just listen to calming music be my guest. But DON'T👏 GOOGLE 👏 YOUR 👏 SYMPTOMS 👏 TAKE IT SLOW. Your brain is working so fast your body might try to mimic that. I know my body did, and I still do it sometimes, if I'm not aware. I don't know if this happens to you but when I get stressed I breathe fast, brush my teeth fast, eat fast, comb my hair fast... as if someone put a ticking bomb on all of those things. Try to be more aware and when you notice that, take a deep breath, and start over - gently, slowly. Do everything with great care and gentleness. Your body and brain need it. When you show your brain you're not in a rush, brain will take it slowly too. I know it's a problem in WD - it feels like you have an neverending supply of adrenaline - but hey, baby steps. Try do it for 5 minutes a day. INSOMNIA. This bastard made me really mad. Sleep was the only way I could escape the WD nightmare, but it rarely came. I remember trying to fall asleep for hours, just to wake up at 4 or 5 am. not being able to fall asleep again. When I couldn't sleep, naturally, I thought about how I can't sleep. I worried and worried instead of trying to utilise that time. The best advice given to me was - if you can't fall asleep just chill. Your body will find a way to get energy from that too. Imagine you're on a beach, the sound of waves, the hot sand on your feet, warm sun, smell of salt and pine... you get it. Imagine happy (well..happyish) scenarios - I imagined what will I do after the WD is over and how I'll be able to help and understand someone. Try to occupy your thoughts as much as you can as not to fall in to the 'Oh God why can't I sleep' rabbit hole. NEURO-EMOTIONS. Don't run away from them. Don't be afraid of them. Embrace them. Cry. Scream in your pillow. Jump in utter rage. Aggressively punch the mattress. Write it down and rip the paper. Welcome your fears with open arms. Neuro emotions scared me but now I see them as a way of brain restarting itself. Like pushing random buttons to see what works and you just have to deal with it. It opened a very strong traumas for me again that antidepressants and teenage way of life buried so I had to actually face them and go through them. It was horrible, but maybe necessary? WORK OUT. Aggressive workout in the middle of WD hell? Only if you're absolutely comfortable. Otherwise, I don't recommend it. On the other hand, if you want to stay in bed all day, try to fight that urge. Try to walk at least 5 minutes (even in your small apartment, you don't have to go out), do a half a squat, lift your hands, whatever, just try to be at least little bit active. There's tons of studies that show how exercising improves mental health - there's not much to say here. CREATIVITY. At my worst I really couldn't do anything. TV was too stimulating and loud, my biggest achievement was playing Mahjong on my smartphone for 2 minutes. Everything above that and I would get extremely tired. I didn't smile, sleep, eat, I just wanted to die. Luckily, as soon as I got a bit better I've decided to do anything to not think about what I'm going through even if the bliss lasted for a second. I was baking, gardening, drawing, writing... notice how all of this is with hands. Put everything you got into feeling what you're doing with your hands. Even now when I get stressed I look around me for objects and imagine what kind of texture would they be like if I touched them. DP/DR. There are no words in human language to express how much I hated those feelings. I still do. But I've come a long way. Let's say they were at 100%. Now they're at about 50% when I'm really stressed. 20-30% in normal situations, because I still have an anxiety, and it's just a poopy symptom I have to accept. DR is actually what I'm feeling, DP was problematic, but now I can't remember when I truly had it. They don't occupy my life anymore, and I'm not so afraid of them as I was. My best advice about them would be: Don't be afraid. It feels like the world is falling apart but they're just symptoms of mental disorders and WD. They are absolutely harmless. The best you can do for yourself and your brain is to accept those feelings. Say it out loud: DP/DR I accept you. I know you're just symptoms of my brain working overtime and that's okay. I know my brain is trying its best to protect me and I am grateful for that. I accept you. If this post gives just a bit of hope or brings a bit of comfort to anyone - I'm so glad. I remember rereading the same success stories here over and over again when I was at my worst. They were literally ropes I hold on to. I know what you're going to is hard, but please, please, hold on. Living with this honestly means you're the bravest of the brave. Seriously, everyone here on this forum is one heck of a soldier. You don't even know how strong you are. I was pooping my pants when I was getting into college, I was still in WD... and next year I'm going to finish it. So please, hold on, and live day by day. There are probably more things I would write about, my faith being one of the most important things that helped me (and still does). I might write about it if anyone is interested, but I'm sorry I can only write from my religion's (catholic) perspective. So if anyone is interested let me know. I also run an IG page for catholics dealing with anxiety so if you're interested shoot me a message (I don't want to put it here because I think it would be considered a self-promo). I wanted to open that page for a year now - if you read my post, what was a comforting for me was imagining I could help someone some day who is going through the same stuff as I do. So I finally did it and honestly, it is a nice creative outlet. I have no doubt there will be some future gems from this page that were molded by suffering - Gold is purified by fire. **english is not my first language, so please excuse any errors. Hi Servadei, Congratulations for your recovery. Thank you so much for your precious tips and advices. I too fast tapered/ct escitalopram ( in my case I did it several times because I didn’t know any better). I’m 10 month off and sloooowly getting better. My main issues are muscle related. My back and torso would tighten when I sit or try to relax, Did you have any of these or other muscle related withdrawal symptoms? Thank you 🙏 Started 10mg escitalopram March 2016 and stopped CT Feb 2017. Started 10mg citalopram May 2019 Swapped with mirtazapine mid June 2019 used for a week and then switched to Escitalopram 5mg at the end of July 2019, increased gradually to 10mg in September, 15mg in October and 20mg in January 2020. Tapered down to 15mg in April. 10mg in June then a week tapering to 5mg and then stopped CT. Resumed escitalopram in November 2020 at 5mg, increased to 10mg in February 2021, tapered down to 5mg in May 2021 and tapered down to 2.5 in the space of a week in September 2021. Resumed escitalopram at the end of December 2022 at 5mg, increased it to 10mg in March 2023 then tapered down to 5mg in June and down to 2.5mg in July. Started escitalopram 5mg beginning of December 2023 then stopped after 4 days. Took amytryptamine for 2 days then restarted escitalopram at 5mg, after two weeks increased it to 7.5mg, kept it for 1 week then 10mg for 1 week but two many side effects so went back to 5mg. Beginning of January 2023 stopped escitalopram for 1 day then 2.5mg for the next day. Developed discontinuation symptoms reinstated it at 2.5 for 1 week and 1.5 for the following week then stopped. I’m currently experiencing withdrawal symptoms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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