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Fightinghard: overcoming


Fightinghard

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  • Mentor

Hi Fighting

 

I'd say the big difference wasn't so much the symptoms themselves but their strength and how well I managed them.  For example, I may still get nonsensical OCD thoughts, but I can use my coping skills to quickly deal with them.  When I was in WD, every thought would be the next big disaster, and there never seemed to be an end to them. 

 

I'd say your symptoms are WD-related because you can rationally differentiate between them and your inevitable recovery.  Something in you knows these thoughts and feelings aren't the "real you".  If they were baseline anxiety, you'd have a lot more trouble separating them from your positive thoughts.  Staying focused on the recovered you will help tell you what's WD and what are just annoying thought patterns.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Thanks @mstimc!    Great point!  Other than last night, I’ve been listening to ‘the Secret’ before bed.  Really working on visualizing myself recovered and’ normal’.  I have to determine my new ‘norma

Hey @Fightinghard 👋 I'm so sorry you are suffering. When I read your posts, I really relate to them. I am seeing a psychologist now regularly, every 2 weeks. I accessed it through my work employe

I totally agree, sometimes I won't to be so focused on myself but we had to turn on our survival mode. As for me, sometimes waves have real triggers (like some change) but sometimes they come for

Fightinghard

@mstimc  That makes total sense.  I keep telling my wife this ‘anxiety’ is like nothing I’ve had before in my life.  Recently I was getting my ‘normal’ feeling of anxiety so it really makes sense.  I’ve been working hard on identifying intrusive thoughts and letting them go.  I’m just Sitting with my anxiety.  I’m very happy with my progress on that front.  I’m just hoping this wave calms down and my sleep gets a little better.  Acceptance is still key and very difficult at times like this. 
 

thanks for sharing!  It really helps!  

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Hey Fighting,

 

I see you mentioned Claire Weekes.  I’ve read her too and it helps tremendously.

 

I’ve been reading the Dare Book and App by Barry McDonagh and it seems to be helping.

Med History

 

March 2014 - June 2014: Zoloft 100mg?

August 2014: Effexor for 3 days

August 2014 - October 2017: Lexapro 20mg, three month taper (jumped at 5mg)

January 2018 - August 2020: Reinstate Lexapro 20 mg, six month taper (jumped at 1mg)

August 2014 - December 2019: Klonopin from 1mg to 1.5mg, year long taper (jumped at .125mg)

 

Supplement: Magnesium 

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Fightinghard

@Jennings I’ve read Claire Weeks and I’m definitely using her techniques but through a guy named Drew.  He wrote a book called ‘the anxious truth’ and has a podcast called the same.  I’m also part of his FB group for support.  Drew Went through WD from paxil about 15 Years ago And was a member of Paxilprogress which in think inspired him to start this group.  I have to say it’s a game changer for me.  Obviously WD is going to be what it is in terms of time to heal but if you can learn to manage your anxious thinking patterns it had to help the big picture especially for when we are done with this. There are going to be the good and bad days for sure but learning to manage them is critical.

 

 I’ve heard of the Dare book and app but haven’t looked at it yet.  I’ll take a peek for sure.  I’m guessing though it’s similar to ‘the anxious truth’.  I think there are several off shoots of the Claire Weeks  techniques.  I just wish someone would have introduced these techniques to me back in April instead of some pills... oh well.  20/20 hindsight. 
 

Continued healing to you. 

 

 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

Quick post just to emphasize how much of a rollercoaster this journey is... after Monday nights 2 hours of sleep  last night i slept about 9-10 hours?     Woke up 1 time and was back asleep with in 30 minutes.  When i looked at the clock this morning I was guessing it was 4-5 AM and to my surprise it was 7!  I wish i could say i feel great but I’ma little off with nausea and minor symptoms.  Not complaining just it is what it is.   The one thing this really tells me is with time I will eventually sleep normally again.  I don’t know when but it will happen.  I’m still having symptoms that are uncomfortable at times but in general they are all less in intensity.  This ride will continue but it is relatively better than the past months.  What I’m really learning while trying to navigate this is how important it is to stay in the moment;  the idea of mindfulness. Really this applies to all aspects of your ‘day’.  Is not a tool to make you feel better when things are tough.  It’s really just a state of being regardless of your ‘mood’ or feelings that allow you to live your best life.  It’s hard and takes practice but i think it’s helping me as i get better at it.  Acceptance is so powerful.  
 


 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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  • Mentor
2 minutes ago, Fightinghard said:

What I’m really learning while trying to navigate this is how important it is to stay in the moment;  the idea of mindfulness. Really this applies to all aspects of your ‘day’.  Is not a tool to make you feel better when things are tough.  It’s really just a state of being regardless of your ‘mood’ or feelings that allow you to live your best life.  It’s hard and takes practice but i think it’s helping me as i get better at it.  Acceptance is so powerful.

Hi Fighting

 

I agree 100%!  I don't know if you've read any of Eckhart Tolle's books, especially The Power of Now and A New Earth, but they have a lot to say about being present and mindful.  They can be a bit challenging; Tolle is German by birth so the writing can be a bit tortured.  When I first read The Power of Now about 10 years ago, it struck me as a bit trite, but when I came back to it a few years ago it really hit home.  The present really is all we have, and so much anxiety is rooted in regret for the past and fear of the future--the stories we write in our heads instead of the reality right now.  Acceptance of the present is a huge leap forward.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

@mstimc I’ve skimmed through Some of his books and listen to some YouTube videos of his.  Very powerful for sure. I plan on reading more now as i grow in this process.   For me, i needed to learn more about thoughts and feelings before I could start to practice his teachings.  In the beginning i couldn’t ‘stop’ my thoughts.  I’ve learned that was my problem.   Meaning it’s ok to have a thought or feeling.  Really they have no power at all other than how you react to them.  So for me it’s not about ‘stopping’ or’ ‘trying’ not to think something but just letting them be and moving on with the day.  I thank Claire weeks for this.   As you’ve said, that keeps you out of those anxious thought  patterns.   Its a very abstract thought for a problem solving/controlling mind.  The idea of ‘not thinking’ seems so foreign and unnatural but it really makes sense.  I’ve got a long way to go training my anxious brain but i know that it will happen. Thanks for always pointing me in the right direction.  It’sa Rocky road to travel without any guidance. 
 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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  • Mentor

Weeks helped me get through recovery as well.   In some ways there are almost too many resources out there, each with different approaches and opinions.  I eventually picked the ones that seemed to work best with my symptom set and personality.  I suppose if there was a single “right” road to recovery, we’d all be doing the same thing!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to post
Fightinghard

For sure. I think there are certain guiding principles that really drive recovery but how those stories are told is up to the individual.  I’m really excited to see where i am one year from now with all of this learning and all of these changes. Who knows if my WD will still be going full force but i do know I’ll be in a better place with all of the growth from this experience. I think you've taught me that i can’t put the blame for all of my current issues on just WD and that you must address the underlying conditions if you want true recovery. 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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  • Mentor
2 minutes ago, Fightinghard said:

think you've taught me that i can’t put the blame for all of my current issues on just WD and that you must address the underlying conditions if you want true recovery

Thank you and you’re so right!  I was experiencing GAD and OCD long before my doctor put me on Paxil.  Like a lot of people, I naively thought a pill was all I needed to “get over it”.  It really wasn’t until I began WD and recovery I learned you need to do the work of managing your condition if you want long term success.  

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to post
Fightinghard

I’m in an interesting symptom pattern right now with daily windows and waves.  Yesterday i had the full spectrum of symptoms. Fatigue, mild depression, IT, restlessness all for short periods of time. During this I had short windows of feeling no symptoms.  At times I felt like I was on top of a see saw and depending which way it went was how i felt.  There were times i wasn’t sure which direction it was going.   My sleep the past week is still very up and down. 4-6 hour stretch and then some nights i fall back to sleep for a few more hours. Some nights not so much. Last night I’m back in the panic mode.  I’m panicked about the pandemic and how we’re isolated and is that impacting us, etc.  I sometimes feel like i wake up in a panic and whatever I think ‘sticks’ to that feeling of panic.  
 

That said, my wife and i had a emotional conversation about buying a new home and my WD/anxiety came up.  I know now my anxiety has always stopped me from buying a new home. Consciously, i want to do it. I’m confident now of that.  My anxiety is there but I’m positive i can manage that side of it. My concern is while in WD my work performance is not ideal so I’m hesitant to purchase a home.  Plus the stress of it.  Yet, I truly want to do it.  Long story short, that discussion last night just made me think how I’m holding my wife and my family back for no good reason.  But the reality is I’m in WD.  We’re in a pandemic.  Anxiety is high; emotions are all over.  I think the recent panic I’m having is because of this but it’s being amplified by WD.  
 

In the end, I’m probably in a wave/windows pattern.  Life continues to move forward regardless and i need to find ways to cope along the way.  It’s weird because I’m more in a wave feeling but yet i think I’m getting better.  In so many ways i feel stronger (outside of when I’m in a panic mode like last night) and more engaged with my wife and family.  I’m basically 7 months since I stopped all meds.  I’ll continue to fight the good fight.  This pattern of symptoms will change and more windows will open. I will be sure to work on my CBT and my anxiety tools.  I’ll make sure i share positive emotions and feelings with family and friends.  You know all this negativity from the pandemic and politics is hard.  Even writing this post has a negative vibe... i/we have to try to focus on the positives as much as possible to allow our mind and bodies to heal.  I’ll do my best each day. 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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  • Mentor
2 hours ago, Fightinghard said:

 Long story short, that discussion last night just made me think how I’m holding my wife and my family back for no good reason.  But the reality is I’m in WD.  We’re in a pandemic.  Anxiety is high; emotions are all over.  I think the recent panic I’m having is because of this but it’s being amplified by WD.  

Hi Fighting

 

A couple of things...first, I think everyone who'd been through WD, anxiety and recovery has thought they'd be fired for messing up.  I know I did.  Ironically, during the worst of my WD, I earned a performance bonus.  And yes, I made lots of mistakes along the way, but no more than someone in my position normally would.  I used to tell the employees I supervised that in 25+ years working for the same agency, I'd yet to see a mistake that couldn't be fixed.  In WD, we judge ourselves much more harshly than the reality of the situation says we should.

 

Buying (or selling) a house is naturally an anxiety-causing situation at any time.  Accept that a certain amount of it will occur.  We just finished selling our former home and every day I was waiting for our realtor to tell us the sale fell through and we'd be stuck with a house we couldn't sell.  In the end, it did sell and everything went as it should.

 

Anxiety is selfish and wants your mind's full attention all the time.  If there's nothing real to worry about, it'll create something.  It tries to rob us of the attention we should give family, friends, our jobs, and even the positive aspects of our own selves.  Take away your attention and it starves.  That's what make it so tenacious; without that self-obsession, its nothing.  It's such a simple concept but so very hard to practice, but you have the self-awareness to know what it truly is.  You'll make it through!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

The self doubt the WD gives is powerful. Fear, panic, rumination all compounds into a feeling of defeat.  You are so right.  If we don’t give it the attention, it can’t survive.  I’m practicing every day.  The house has been going on for several years.  Prior to WD my ‘normal anxiety’ prevented me from pulling the trigger.  Now my WD anxiety is creeping in.  Time to take control of my anxiety and move forward. I keep saying if only my sleep would resolve... it’s has shown signs of hope but the bad nights are always bad regardless if you’ve had some good nights.  I hope it happens soon. But I’ll persevere no matter how long it goes on. 
 

Thanks for the words of wisdom.  I Appreciate it. 

 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

My symptom pattern continues.  Its like I’m cycling through most of my symptoms daily for short lengths of time. Most are generally less intense than in the past but still very uncomfortable. Yesterday was a day with increased sensitivity. It probably started late Monday and was more noticeable throughout yesterday.  I was very ‘Jumpy’ and sounds were bothering me.  Its that Startled reflex I’ve mentioned before.  This seems to pair with fear in that my body seems to respond with fear.  My anxiety was low most of the day. Some fatigue but generally just some feelings of ‘fear’ and also feeling like i could cry.  Sprinkled in there was some decent feelings of normalcy where at times i felt like i was 50% better.  Monday night i slept about 7 hours straight. I stirred some at night but it was the longest stretch yet without completely waking up.  Last night, as i tried to go to sleep the feeling of fear/panic started to set in. My familiar fear of isolation was setting in.  I now realize I’m having a panic attack when these feelings happen.  In the past i would sit there and think of every reason i was ok and put together a plan to improve things.  I’d try to think better thoughts. Well I’ve learned that really that’s not going to help.  The reality is I’m ok and last night i just laid there and experienced the physical sensations.  When i had a negative ‘what if thought’ I just acknowledged it and then focused on my breathing and externally.  While i can’t say it stopped it from happening, i think what it did do is shorten the length of the panic enough that i did sleep.  Not great sleep but at least i got some.  This morning i feel this ‘warmth’ in my body.  My body is uneasy and generally uncomfortable.  I’m guessing my cortisol levels are high and have been through the night.  The past 5 or so days I’ve been walking on a treadmill where i run maybe 2-3 minutes and hold some hand weights. Total time walking is 20-25 minutes.  I’ve also had to shovel a decent amount in some really cold temperatures.  I’m wondering if the increased exertion is causing my panic and symptoms.   Monday i only walked on the treadmill and no shoveling.  I generally had a better day/night.   Today I’ll do a gentle walk for 25 minutes and nothing else outside of work.  We’ll see. How it goes. 
 

So I’m not going to focus on a wave or a window.  Just a cycle of symptoms with periods of decent feelings.  Overall, I’m feeling stronger if that makes sense.  I’m still very sensitive emotionally and to stress but it has improved.  I’m exactly 7 months off of everything today. We have a vacation planned for July and i was thinking that if things continue as they have, i should be a lot better then.  Maybe not recovered. But generally better.  I can only hope. 
 

Today is going to be tough, but it is better that when this all started. I’ll continue to be gentle to myself and focus on my family.  Eat healthy, meditate, pray and try to focus on positive things. Prayers for all that are going through this. One day at a time. 
 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post
  • Mentor
3 hours ago, Fightinghard said:

So I’m not going to focus on a wave or a window.  Just a cycle of symptoms with periods of decent feelings.  Overall, I’m feeling stronger if that makes sense.  I’m still very sensitive emotionally and to stress but it has improved.  I’m exactly 7 months off of everything today. We have a vacation planned for July and i was thinking that if things continue as they have, i should be a lot better then.  Maybe not recovered. But generally better.  I can only hope. 

You're doing great, Fighting!  Taking the expectation of windows and waves out of the equation also eliminates the judgmentalism that comes  with it. You don't have to tell yourself "I should be doing better."  Symptoms come and go but you are on a solid path to recovery.

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to post
Fightinghard

@mstimc it’s a constantly changing rollercoaster of feelings for me. Literally i can have several 30 minutes windows throughout the morning coupled with similar waves.  It’s been more erratic than previously.  But it’s good that I’m having periods of feeling ok.  I guess all i can do is just let it be and move forward.  Each day is one day closer.  Thanks!

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post
  • 2 weeks later...
Fightinghard

I thought I should check in and update my recovery. The past few weeks have continued with the waves and windows pattern.  I’ve had several days of windows with pretty minimal symptoms.  Many of my evenings have been calmer and my morning anxiety been very low to non existent for several days. My sleep generally has not been good. I’m in that pattern of sleep 4-5 hours and hopefully fall back to sleep. Some nights I’m up after 3 hours and maybe sleep another 2 or so.  Its very erratic but it is what it is.  I try to stay consistent with my sleep schedule and routine.  I’ll say the days I’ve had windows i tend to push my limits. Stay up a little later and maybe be more active.  But overall I’m trying to stay consistent.  
 

My current symptoms are:

-sleep disturbances.  Hypnic jerks do still happen but less frequent and intense.  Less feeling of dread or fear. Improving for sure.  I can’t nap yet.  I’d say I’m probably in a sleep wave the past few weeks but some things are improving so I’m hopeful 

-anxiety was trending down but seems higher the past few days

-sound sensitivity is probably 90% better with short periods of it during the day

-‘startle’ reflex and tics, twitches also much better.  Maybe 75%.  Is less intense when it happens

-appetite/hunger is better in general but seems to mirror the anxiety. 
-depression- very little depression. Maybe some melancholy feelings

- I’ve had more ‘interest’ in things like hobbies or watching tv/movies.  I haven’t watched a movie  yet but i started to with my wife and realized i was actually interested in the street of the movie. Typically I’m not at all interested.  

-I’m assuming I’m still sensitive to exercise and caffeine, alcohol. 
- I’ve had this feeling like i want to cry at times but i don’t and i can’t.  It’s not horrible other than the sense of sadness maybe? 
-Ive had periods of irritability and poor mood. 
-memory and concentration has not been bad considering my sleep.  I think my WD symptoms have greatly diminished. 
 

I’m still dealing with my tooth issue. At this point my tooth needs to be extracted which I’ve scheduled for early April. It’s generally pain free. I fractured the root and it can’t be salvaged.  There is an infection but it’s not a concern as it is.  
 

Today is a big day for me. Round 2 of the moderna vaccine.  I don’t believe round one was a problem overall for me in terms of WD.  Maybe a little more anxiety and sleep issues the first night but that’s hard to really say. Otherwise i had a sore arm and that’s all.  The second shot tends to be more symptomatic but who knows. I’ve really stressed over it where I’ve contemplated not getting it because i don’t want to negatively impact my WD but really getting Covid had its own set of risks that i think are much worse.  So I’ll take the chance and hope by next week I’m free and clear off the shot and on my way to complete recovery.  
 My last point/observation for my recovery is i think the cold and shoveling have triggered some waves for me. We’ve had snow and some cold temperatures for about 3 weeks.  I’m noticing the days i either take long walks in the cold and/ or shovel snow i tend to have higher anxiety and worse sleep.  Which has been many of the days the past few weeks.  So no more shoveling for me (i have 2 boys 15 and 13- they can shovel!) and I’m avoiding walks outside until the temperatures rise into at least the 30s. 
 

my job is weirdly stressful. I’m transitioning into a new role that i think will actually be helpful for me in my current state.  Less travel but higher responsibilities.  It’s one of those positions that isn’t clearly defined yet so we’ll see. The unknown is unnerving for me but i believe it will be a good move especially while I’m going through WD. 
 

last thing is i continue to work on my GAD.  Like WD, i believe that i will recover from this as well.  I have the tools so with practice and time I’ll get there.  WD definitely complicates it but that’s what it is.  When my WD ends I’ll be in a great place with my anxiety.  Thanks to the ‘anxious truth’ and Claire weeks.

 

 I definitely have my ups and downs.  Will i recover?  I lament my old life and get upset.  I struggle with my ability to make it through at times.  But In the end, i refocus on the moment and realize I’ve made progress. It’s non linear and erratic but trending better.  So if i stay in the moment i know I’ll get to a place that is calmer and more enjoyable.  It’s going to take time.  But that’s ok. I may not have my exact old life back and that’s ok.  Time is passing and life changes.  The windows I’ve are not 100% but they are nice. So I’ll continue to work on accepting where i am and stay out of the past and the future.  I’ll recover when it’s time for me to recover.

 

I continue to pray for everyone here. 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post
  • Mentor
7 minutes ago, Fightinghard said:

I struggle with my ability to make it through at times.  But In the end, i refocus on the moment and realize I’ve made progress. It’s non linear and erratic but trending better.  So if i stay in the moment i know I’ll get to a place that is calmer and more enjoyable.  It’s going to take time.  But that’s ok. I may not have my exact old life back and that’s ok.  Time is passing and life changes.  The windows I’ve are not 100% but they are nice. So I’ll continue to work on accepting where i am and stay out of the past and the future.  I’ll recover when it’s time for me to recover.

Good Morning, Fighting

 

Sorry to hear about your tooth.  As a veteran of multiple extractions, I can assure you its no big deal.  Will you get an implant or bridge afterwards?

 

As for your inability to cry, I think this is pretty common in WD.  Our nervous and emotional systems are so overwhelmed there simply isn't capacity for "normal" expressions of emotion.  In times of heightened anxiety, I find myself crying at things that shouldn't affect me and not reacting to things that normally would.  A few days ago, I got weepy at a Youtube scene from "NYPD Blue" where one of the main characters dies.  And I never watched the show when it was on! Crying can be a great release from anxiety, but don't worry if it doesn't come naturally for now.  In a few weeks that may change and you'll find yourself crying over minor issues.  Such is recovery.

 

You will recover; but not your "old self."  And that's okay.  Its our "old selves" that got us into this mess to begin with.  As you are discovering, you are becoming more self-aware, more resilient, and more responsive to others.  Change is the nature of life; embrace it and guide yourself to the person you want to be!

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

Link to post
Fightinghard

Hello @mstimc-  I’ll get an implant. I delayed things a little bit with the hopes that I’ll be further along in recovery when it’s time for the implant.   If i have it done in April, the soonest I’d get the implant is July or august.  That puts me at 1 Year in WD.  I’m thinking I’ll be in a better place.  Probably not totally recovered but at least a little better and stronger. 
 

The crying is interesting. There’s times i wish i could cry i think for the reason you mentioned.  An anxiety release. Hopefully soon.  Maybe I’m watching the wrong shows! 
 

i think you nailed it about our old selves.  I’m learning so much about my anxiety disorder and truly how pervasive it has been my whole life.  It hasn’t allowed me to live the life I truly want to.  It’s limited So many things.  I was an avid gym goer and exercise guy.  It’s how i managed my anxiety.  Ive wanted to get back so bad but I’m realizing it’s to distract me from my anxiety. I’m running from the feelings instead of facing them.  Now I’m less upset about returning.  Yes i want to Workout and be fit and healthy but I’m not anxious about it.  It’s more for the enjoyment.  Its a weird transition when it’s happening.  My natural anxiety is’ lifting’ some and I’m excited to see where this end up.   My old self is in the past.  I’m ready for a new me. 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post

Hey dude, you’re making great progress, just by reading your thread I can see that.

 

We have very similar symptoms but two I noticed that stand out that I haven’t seen mentioned by others is not being able to watch TV and feeling depressed after getting a better nights sleep.  Those two really bother me.

 

Anyways you are healing and have come a long way.   You got this.

Med History

 

March 2014 - June 2014: Zoloft 100mg?

August 2014: Effexor for 3 days

August 2014 - October 2017: Lexapro 20mg, three month taper (jumped at 5mg)

January 2018 - August 2020: Reinstate Lexapro 20 mg, six month taper (jumped at 1mg)

August 2014 - December 2019: Klonopin from 1mg to 1.5mg, year long taper (jumped at .125mg)

 

Supplement: Magnesium 

Link to post
Fightinghard

@Jennings Thanks!  I appreciate the vote of confidence!  If I look at my progress from the outside i know this are better. Even though I feel bad it’s a better bad. The windows have been nice.  I think i had 3 days in a row plus several nights.  One of the signs I’ve picked up on that I’m improving is i don’t feel as compelled to come to this site for reassurance.  In fact I’ve wanted to avoid it at times. I love the site and the community but i think it triggers me at times. 
 

I remember the first time i slept well during WD.  Probably about 7-8 hours. I woke up with the worst depression of my entire WD. That was in September. More recent i feel just kind of down. Not depressed. Low motivation. My amateur guess is our cortisol drops and results in sadness.  But who knows. 
 

tv and movies are interesting for me.  I’ve been able to watch football or other sports but a movie or tv show not so much.  I’ve even watched the news.  But I think it’s the emotional content of movie?  Not sure but like i said earlier the other night i stood and watched about 15 minutes of a movie my wife was watching with interest.  I almost sat down but decided i needed to go to bed. So slowly I’m getting better. 
 

Hang in there!   We got this!  

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post

I guess we both have a similar story. I got panic in april 2020 and thought infected by covid and took high potency antibiotics for flue and throat infection which caused higher heart rate. I rushed to doc and he said i m just panic and asked me to take . 25mg xanax at night time for sleep. after taking xanax i was having more panic attacks and extreme anxiety. To make the story short later he prescribed Escitalopram and asked me to take xanax for 3 more weeks and stop taking it when AD starts to work. As per his instructions i stopped xanax after 3 weeks and took Escitalopram till August. ESCITALOPRAM really subsided all my issesue and i took it for 5 monthes till august and ct it. From September i hit by a extreme anxiety and panic attacks and never realized its all due to Escitalopram. i was having extreme hunger and getting panic attacks if i dont eat within 1 or 2 hours. i kept on going without realizing this all hell is just because of ad which i ct in august. I kept blaming xanax and thought still i m having xanax wd. someone on benzobuddy drived my attention towards Escitalopram that i m facing wd due to it and refered me to SA. I did not know Escitalopram can have any wd as i ct it 2 times in the past without facing any wd. I was having different symtoms during all this time like hands and legs tremors, morning anxiety and fear, extreme hunger, panic attacks, fatigue, one side weakness and many small issues. somehow i was handling this all. on 5th feb i took vitamin b12 and vitamin d which throwed me into a  extreme wave. i felt like fire going through my veins when standing. for 10 days straight i was not able to sleep for more then 1 to 2 hours due to cartisol surges . Now I m on complete bed rest and not doing any activity. my sleep has a bit improved as compare to before but not fully recoverex. Still have high cortisol surges all the time. My hunger is not getting better. any idea how to manage hunger. if i dont eat i get panic attacks. 

 

Sorry my English is not very good please bear with me for it.

2010 citanew 10mg ct after 6 monthes

 

2015 citanew 10mg ct after 5 to 6 monthes

 

April 2020 xanax .25 mg ct after 1 month

 

April 2020 citanew 10mg ct August 2020

 

several wd , insomnia, anxiety, fear, muscle spasm, weakness on left side.

Link to post

@saimshah  sorry to hear you’re going Through this.  Over the past 7-8 months The one thing that I’ve really learned is this is going to take time.  No one really knows how much time. But things do slowly get better.  I’ve also learned that simpler is probably better.  I do take some supplements that are in my signature but otherwise i try to eat somewhat ‘clean’.   No alcohol or caffeine.  Light walks for exercise.  Early to bed and less screen time when possible.  Its a hard journey. I’ve definitely improved although since this started.  I’ve had some windows but I’m in a wave today.  My anxiety is high after a bad night sleep but that’s not uncommon for me.  I’m cycling though symptoms almost daily at times with a windows and waves pattern.  When the hunger was at its worst i would carry almonds and fruit with me and try to eat every 1-2 hours.  Just small amounts.  Maybe an apple or a handful of almonds.  For me it helped keep the anxiety attacks away.  I even keep some things next to bed for when i wake up.  I still get the hunger now but its a little less intense.  
 

i hope things improve for you!  Good luck!  

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post

i just got a panic attack right before reading your message because of extream hunger. i started keto diet few monthes ago and it really reduced hunger but i have to stop it due to  constipation issues. Someone here told me to increase proteins intake to reduce hunger pangs. Are you able to walk without any exhaustion ? i cant walk if i do i feel exhaustion with sweating and cartisol surges. 

2010 citanew 10mg ct after 6 monthes

 

2015 citanew 10mg ct after 5 to 6 monthes

 

April 2020 xanax .25 mg ct after 1 month

 

April 2020 citanew 10mg ct August 2020

 

several wd , insomnia, anxiety, fear, muscle spasm, weakness on left side.

Link to post

@saimshahSorry to here about the panic attack.  Yes i can walk regularly. sometimes things arise like heart palpitations or other things but i don’t focus on them.  Everyone’s different so it’s really an individual decision but for me i believe it is critical for my recovery so i work through any discomfort and typically i feel better.  I recommend you look into Claire Weeks if you haven’t.  Learning to accept your situation and trying to live with it really helps.  It’s very hard to do but I’ve learned i can do really hard things.  

 

Stay strong.  Take it one day at a time.  
 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post

@Fightinghard  from last two nights my sleep is getting better. i slept straight 7 to 8 hours without waking up but now my head is very heavy. I hope soon i will get better and walk again. I was walking 3 to 4 km everyday but met with this bad wave after taking vitamin b12 and vitamin d around 17 days ago . b12 is not recommended in our situation.  How are you feeling now. When u say u are in a big wave exactly what u face in it. Right now i am just facing insomnia which is gradually getting better, morning time anxiety and fear, heavy head ,panic attacks if i dont eat, cortisol surges and sweating if i stand. 

2010 citanew 10mg ct after 6 monthes

 

2015 citanew 10mg ct after 5 to 6 monthes

 

April 2020 xanax .25 mg ct after 1 month

 

April 2020 citanew 10mg ct August 2020

 

several wd , insomnia, anxiety, fear, muscle spasm, weakness on left side.

Link to post

@Fightinghard how are you today buddy ? everything going alright.

2010 citanew 10mg ct after 6 monthes

 

2015 citanew 10mg ct after 5 to 6 monthes

 

April 2020 xanax .25 mg ct after 1 month

 

April 2020 citanew 10mg ct August 2020

 

several wd , insomnia, anxiety, fear, muscle spasm, weakness on left side.

Link to post

hello @saimshah-   Thanks for checking in.   I’ve been doing ok.  Things are calming down overall for me.  My sleep is improving.  It’s still broken but I’m getting more of it.  My other symptoms seem to be fading where i have them but not nearly as intense.  I’d say I’m having more windows and less intense waves these days.   I’ve been keeping busy with work and life in general.  I’ve still got a ways to go but I’m definitely recovering.  I’m at a point now where I’m able to recognize my waves and really the only thing you can do is accept them.  When they arise i just stick with my plan (eat healthy, walk, meditate, Claire Weeks , do ‘hair things’ with family) and ride them out.  I know they will pass.  
 

how are you doing?  
 

 

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

Link to post

@Fightinghard its good to know you are improving. i guess max in next one month you will be totally recovered.  You just need to be very careful what you eat it really effects.

 

i m doing ok as compare to before i can stand now and walk a little bit. sleep is also getting better.  Today i have to take my daughter to the doc in emergency but i felt a strange heaviness in my both legs also inner vibration . as soon as i reached home and did meditation it subsided. any idea what it can be ? 

2010 citanew 10mg ct after 6 monthes

 

2015 citanew 10mg ct after 5 to 6 monthes

 

April 2020 xanax .25 mg ct after 1 month

 

April 2020 citanew 10mg ct August 2020

 

several wd , insomnia, anxiety, fear, muscle spasm, weakness on left side.

Link to post

@saimshah  Thanks for the vote of confidence on my recovery!  To be honest I’m just taking it day by day trying to enjoy each moment.  At some point I’ll be recovered.  
 

 I’ve had a similar weird feeling my legs. For me it was like a restlessness type of feeling.  I still get it some days.  At its worst i would take magnesium sulfate (epsom salt) with water and rub it on my legs.  I also did baths as well.  It seemed to help. Mine is much better and slowly going away.  

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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