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Fightinghard

Fightinghard: overcoming

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Fightinghard

Thanks Gridley! I appreciate the thoughts and support!  


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

So I’m noticing some trends with my recovery and sleep. I napped yesterday kind of my accident (fell asleep taking a break from work) for maybe 20 minutes?  I initially had a ‘spike’ that woke me up but I must have fallen asleep quickly after that.  That’s 2 times I’ve napped in the past week with Sunday.  Both evening I’ve had very light sleep with nightmares. I felt anxiety and I could sense the higher cortisol. So, the positive is my body let me nap some.  But I guess I’m just not ready yet. I keep saying my body is repairing itself each time I present it a new challenge. That’s why I get the waves afterwards. Who knows. 
 

I’ve been increasing my Vitamin C dosage as I’ve read how this can help cortisol levels. We’ll see how this works out. 
 

I did have a window yesterday afternoon for 3-4 hours. I wasn’t completely back to normal but I felt pretty good.  I’ll keep pushing forward. Work stress is ramping up which may be contributing to my cortisol/stress levels going up. Recently I’ve had very little depression.  Just anxiety      My other symptoms are holding on but mildly.  The lack of interest continues, some intrusive thoughts but to a lesser degree. I did laugh and play with my daughter some yesterday where I felt the enjoyment which was nice. I’m only about 11 weeks into this so I’m focusing on these small victories!
 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

These past few days have been interesting. Kind of continuous waves and windows where outside of sleep it seems windows are getting better.  Usually when I‘M posting something it’s out of ‘need’ to.   Today it’s more of a I want to.  Like I’m a little excited about what I perceive as improvement.  The past days I’ve had much less focus on my WD and more on other aspects of life.  My kids, friends, hobbies.  I noticed yesterday I was actually listening to a talk show on the radio while driving and I was interested. This is all unconscious versus forced.   By no means is it back to what I was but it’s a lot closer than a month ago.  My depression has been minimal.  Anxiety is still there but it seems the high doses of vitamin c is starting to help.  My sleep pattern is about the same; bed @ 10 and wake up between 2-3.  I’ve decided not to look at the clock anymore so I’m estimating. I’m generally awake with minimal sleeping until I feel he cortisol spikes start. Probably 4 or so.  Recently once this started I wasn’t falling asleep again.  Last night I did.  Maybe another hour?  Really not sure but it’s encouraging.  Anxiety spiked but it was less than in the past.  
 

It’s a weird feeling in that I’m feeling like things are improving yet my sleep remains a problem.  I do believe the cortisol levels are at he heart of my sleep problems so as they calm down it will get better.  Work has been super busy and stressful and I think I’m handling it ok.   I also think it’s contributing to my sleep anxiety in the night.  
 

I continue to grow more confident I will get through this.  I don’t know when but I will.  I feel like each week I’m a step closer.  It’s weird.  Up until these past few days I’d tell myself this.  Now I kind of ‘feel’ this.  I’m prepared for more waves and I’ll face them when they come.  I’ll remember these times of feeling better in small windows.  
 


 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Hanna72

@Fightinghard

1 hour ago, Fightinghard said:

continue to grow more confident I will get through this.  I don’t know when but I will.  I feel like each week I’m a step closer.  It’s weird.  Up until these past few days I’d tell myself this.  Now I kind of ‘feel’ this.  I’m prepared for more waves and I’ll face them when they come.  I’ll remember these times of feeling better in small windows.  

Way to go. Love reading these kinds of posts. You have a great mindset on how to face this journey. 
Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful weekend 🙏



2000/ 20mg Paxil  for panic attacks. Many attempts to quit through out the years, without any success.

2019- January started tapering 20 mg Paxil. 
2019-October 10 mg Paxil , getting ready for a bridge with 20mg Prozac Took about 1 month during switch.

At one point my withdrawals were so bad I went up to 40 mg Prozac, but went quickly back down to 20 mg and very soon after that 10 mg Prozac.

Off  Paxil 2019/ November started tapering 10mg Prozac 2019/December 8 mg Prozac 

2020/January 4 mg Prozac 

2020/15/3 .09 mg jumped off

2020 March 16 off Prozac  Quetipine 25 mg used 1 time in 15 months, oxezapam 15 mg used 5 times 

Suppliments: Magnesium, omega 3 fish oil ( epa&dha) D and C vitamin 

“The two most powerful warriors are patience and time” Leo Tolstoy 

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Fightinghard

Thanks for the compliment!  I’m trying hard. All the best to you in your recovery. 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

So I had a decent night sleep last night!  I woke up twice but my first wake up( I’d guess 3 ish?)I was able to avoid the bathroom and fell back to sleep until 4:10 where I did use the bathroom. I then took some vitamin c and Magnesium and probably slept another 1:30?  So I probably had about 7 hours of broken sleep? I think it’s progress and I’ll take it!
 

What’s noticeable is the cortisol/anxiety AM surge is much lower this AM.   In Fact I feel a little more depressed/down if anything.  Versus my usual anxious. Has any had this where they sleep more and feel ‘down’ versus less sleep and be anxious?  
 

I have really upped my vitamin C throughout the day.  I’m up to 5000mg a day. Today I’m going to up it to 5500mg. It seems to be helping with lower anxiety and my general ‘cortisol’ feeling. 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

Today is my 4th day of high levels of vitamin c.  I took 5500mg yesterday up from 5000.    Overall, my symptoms have subsided with sleep my one I’m not sure about.  I woke up this morning at 6:30 for the first time without anxiety or depression. My sleep wasn’t good.  It was the same pattern as previous - 10 pm bed, wake up around 2, fall back asleep until 4:30, awake at 6:30.  I’m guessing I slept about 6 hours?  The positives are I fell back to sleep each wake up. That’s 3 nights of this. The difference last night was I dreamt a lot and it was lighter feeling of sleep. 
maybe REM rebound? So I’m exhausted. Normally I’m tired but kind of ‘wired’ I think from cortisol.  I haven’t tried the past few days but I actually think I could nap today.  I’m torn with that. I don’t want to mess with my sleep tonight so I’m hesitant.  But could a good nap help with healing?  
 

I was able to tolerate a movie last night. The stimulus was noticeable but tolerable. I actually fell asleep watching it.  I also spent a good hour talking with my 9 year old daughter yesterday and i enjoyed it!  Nothing forced or uncomfortable.  It was so nice!  

I’m really encouraged by the Vitamin C. I’m far from 100% but I’d guess my symptoms are 50% less outside of sleep and fatigue. I’m most encouraged by the reduction. In anxiety and the cortisol feelings. I know it’s one day at a time but these past few days I’ve seen some hope overall for healing.  At minimum it’s been some decent windows and lesser waves. Either way, I’ll take it. 

 

I just want to say how thankful I am for this site and all it offers.  I’ve learned I’ve had to back off how much and what content I look at as it was triggering. I hope to contribute more to this community as my healing allows. 
 

I hope everyone continues healing!
 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

Hello @mstimc-  I was reading through my thread tracking my progress.  I read my post from September 12 and I think it may have come off different than I intended. I mentioned my thought of reducing my time on his site because cases are different, etc.   Basically, I had been triggering myself reading some of the difficult cases and I had to back off what I was reading. The peer support here has been so helpful and invaluable.  I just wanted to be sure I didn’t come off as unappreciative or that I the support wasn’t helpful.  
 

Thank you again.


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

I thought I better update my Vitamin C experience.  It’s been about a week of raising my dose where I’m up to 5500mg per day. Here’s the positives I notice:

-much less anxiety

- reduce morning cortisol spikes

- no depression the past 2 morning

-higher tolerance for stimulus(noise,tv,etc)

- more interest in things (probably 50% better?)

-sleep pattern seems better I continue to wake up 2 times.  Last night I was in bed by 9:30 probably asleep before 10.  I woke up at 2:40 and 5:25.  Both times I did fall back to sleep some and got up at 6:20.  
- overall, I’ve had more perceived windows and less waves

 

negatives

-  while my sleep pattern is better, it feels like I’m not sleeping as deeply at least the last 2 nights. Now because I was feeling better overall, the past 2 nights I’ve pushed myself to watch TV with my wife and kids. I also read a book right before bed. I hadn’t done that in awhile because I just couldn’t.  So that could contribute to it. 
 

Im going to reduce my overall to 4000mg and not take it before bed. I’ll also return to a calmer bedtime routine for me. I’ll take my last dose around 6pm and see what happens. 
 

any thoughts? 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

I’ve probably been in WD for at least 4 or 5 months now. I tapered off Buspar in the end of May (I took it 5 weeks total) and then started my lexapro ‘taper’ June 1 where my Dr dropped me from 10mg to 5 mg.  At that time, I had been taking it for 5 weeks. Anyway, I didn’t feel great or stable on the lexaprobut I was better than when I started it.  So, it’s been awhile since I was ‘normal’.  Compared to many of you, I’m just beginning.  I’m starting to reflect hard on where I was before Lexapro and WD.  It wasn’t that long ago (early April) and I’m finding I was not in the best of places then.  I had high anxiety from life, I was conflicted in my marriage and life in general.  Because of all this inner conflict, my anxiety was sky high.  My sleep was ok but it fluctuated.  I’d wake up anxious many times with work and life worries. Anyway, fast forward to where I am now.  I’m working hard in therapy to address  my internal conflicts.  I feel more secure in my life and with may family than I ever have.  All good things. I have plenty of work left, but I’m making progress.  My sleep is still disturbed and challenging.  I was convinced my sleep issue was all WD related because i was getting the classic cortisol mornings and patterns.  So where am I going with this?  I am sometimes wondering if most of my WD symptoms are residual form preLexapro but maybe more severe? In the past few weeks my primary symptoms have been insomnia, anxiety/cortisol increased, increased appetite, minor depression, low motivation, some ’twitches’ and sensitivity to stimulus.   In the end, I guess it doesn’t really matter to much why i’m going through this but there is a part of me that is wondering is it all WD or is it pre-existing anxiety?  It definitely feels different now compared to in March but the circumstances are different also.  

 

This is so complicated.  Are they neuro-emotions?  Are they normal emotions?  I’ll continue my therapy for sure.  I think I’m definitely in WD but I’m not sure if everything I’m go through is WD.  Maybe this thought process is from the WD?  A part of me wants to push myself to get back to normal with a routine of exercise, etc. This Sunday I was in a good place. I was content with ‘just being’ and healing.  Today I feel like I need to be active in my healing if it’s not WD?  

 

Sorry to ramble but I’m probably just in a wave coupled with real emotions that are amplified.  I welcome any thoughts on this.

 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

So I’m having a rough time right now.  I’m hoping to get some thoughts on where I am in this process.  My sleep has taken a turn for the worse the past few days as has my evening cortisol I assume.  Where I’m really struggling is am I in WD right now or is this Covid/life stresses?  Do I need to reinstate a small dose to help this out?  I still have about a week to stay in that 3 month timeframe.  I know it’s my call for sure it’s just so hard.  

 

I believe I’m still in WD but I sometimes struggle with that.  My insomnia is still going strong but many of the other symptoms seem to have subsided.  The other obvious symptom I have is the cortisol spikes at throughout the night into the morning.  I do have sensitivities to some stimulus like TV or loud noises.  This does seem better but it is still there.  Ruminating is a little less some days.  I am able to perform more complex tasks.  Depression has not been around as much..  My real consistent symptoms  are the insomnia and cortisol which seem to go together.  I say cortisol but to be fair it has to be heightened anxiety. 

 

I’m probably just in a wave right now that is making things worse with sleep. The past 2 nights have been more difficult than the previous nights in that the cortisol levels seem much higher when I wake up.  My pattern is very similar fall asleep between 9:30 and 10 then awake between 2-3.  If I fall asleep again, awaken between 4-5.  If I sleep again, wake at 6:30.  Typically, when I wake at 2 or so my anxiety/cortisol is not very bad.  I may not be able to sleep but I can usually rest and then I feel a gradual surge and around 4 it gets worse.   It hadn’t been terrible for a while it was just noticeable.  The past 2 nights have had a surge at my initial awakening which then lasts into the morning.  When I awaken Ive had very emotional anxiety if that makes sense.  Thinking a lot about Covid issues; feeling very isolated and concerned about social interaction.  I’m only saying this because when I wonder about my WD, I question it with my insomina at times since my thoughts can be very real and emotional.  Prior to Lexapro, I would have nights waking up being anxious worrying about things like work or relationship things.  Maybe this is WD that is causing a heightened response to normal emotions?  Neuro Emotions?  

 

The changes I’ve had lately include supplement changes.  Last week, I think Monday, I started to updose my Vitamin C.  I saw people on this site very happy with some of the results with cortisol.  So I went from 2000 mg to 5500 mg by Friday.  This included an evening dose before bed and I actually was taking one upon awakening.  I felt an substantial improvement in my cortisol and anxiety throughout the day.  My sleep pattern improved for a few days with the ability to fall back to sleep easier.  But, my sleep quality then became worse. I had very light sleep.  I wasn’t sure if the Vitamin C was the culprit or that i was watching TV at night was the problem.  So I backed off the vitamin C and returned to my night ritual of no TV and meditating, etc.  

 

Which brings me to where I am now.  Does it sound like I’m still in WD or am I having anxiety that is normal?  The cortisol spikes is the one thing that I say I must be in WD.  If I am in WD, do I reinstate?  I’m so torn.  I’m sorry if this is rambling or incoherent.  I’m struggling right now and hoping for some insight.  

 

Thanks!

 

Craig

 

 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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ChessieCat

Are you taking anything that contains B vitamins?  Check your magnesium ingredients.  I have seen some magnesium contains Vitamin B6 which can be activatig.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Fightinghard

Good thought;  i checked and I’m clear with that.  I made the mistake of upping my Vitamin C last week.  By the weekend, I was feeling so much better that I decided to watch a movie with my Wife and Dsughter on Saturday.  I hadn’t done that in awhile because the stimulus of the sounds and the content was too much.  But I was feeling so good I was able to do so.  That night, I had a ‘lighter’ sleep.  Sunday was similar.  I was feeling good, a window for sure, most of the day.  I watched football most of the day and by the evening I was watching TV.  I then read a book for a short time and went to bed.  This was all very different than my normal bedtime routine of meditating, journaling, etc.  I usually avoid TV.  Anyway, Sunday night was a very light sleep night.  I slept and did decent in terms of the pattern of falling back to sleep but it was very light.  I attributed that to the Vitamin C so I reduced my dosage and cut out my bedtime dose.  I’m now wondering if in a way i’m getting a ‘rebound’ of anxiety from the reduction in the vitamin C?  Maybe my ‘light sleep’ was more a function of the behaviors changes versus supplement.  One last thing to confuse this more is i tried Gylcine for the first time Monday night.  500mg at bedtime and then 500mg when I awoke.  Last night, I forgot to take it at bed but I did take it when I woke up at 2 AM, this time 1000mg.  

 

So I think today I will take my Vitamin C at a high dose of 4000mg.  I will not take Glycine tonight at all.  I will avoid TV, etc in the evening.  Maybe just work with the Vitamin C aspect since it was helping and as soon as I reduced it my anxiety went up.  The light sleep thing was not comfortable so I really wanted to avoid that again but maybe it was just the stimulus versus the Vitamin C?

 

Does it sound like I’m still in WD?  I know that sounds odd but I think my anxieties when I wake up are real and things that have been there for awhile for me.  My gut is the problems are not WD but the reaction is WD meaning the high cortisol, etc.  This is so difficult to wrap my head around. 

 

Thanks you @ChessieCat


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

Hello Everyone-

 

Last night was pretty good for sleep.  I was asleep between 9:45 and 10 and woke up at 2:45. Close to a 5 hour stretch?  Small improvement there. I was probably awake about an hour and then woke up at 6?  Maybe 7is hours?  Close?  Regardless it’s better than the last few nights. I have less anxiety but a little more of a minor depressed feeling. This is typical for me if I sleep more.  It’s better though than previous mornings.  Otherwise, my symptoms are pretty much quiet.  We’ll see how it goes.

 

Yesterday I only took 2000mg in the morning.  I did take my usual magnesium and fish oil routine.  Maybe the High doses of vitamin C was causing issues for me.  Either way, I’m hanging tight with my supplements. Tuesday mornings I also did a really light workout for 5 minutes so maybe that impacted things. Anyway, I’m. Ot sure what tonight will hold but over the past week I’ve had better nights where I’ve fallen back to sleep.  I’m hoping this is a trend for the better.  


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

WD or normal anxiety? Please help

So I had my worst night since I came off lexapro 12 weeks ago today.  Ironically I did really well Wednesday night.  Last night I hardly slept worrying about being socially isolated and how I felt.  Maybe 2 hours of sleep or so?  I’ve had that anxious feeling most of the night.  

My day on Thursday was long and busy. I drove about 3:25 to get to my job.  I worked there for 3 hours and drove back 2:15. I had several phone calls with friends and family that all were pretty intense in we discussed emotional things, etc. I spoke with my parents which can be triggering. I didn’t feel great yesterday where I had some mild depression and my body felt ‘weak’.  I was also very hungry which maybe my blood sugar was low?  I did eat frequently. When I got home I tried to be calm.  I Ate dinner and then just relaxed. I actually was journaling and meditating and I fell asleep about 7:45 until 9.  I usually go to bed between 9:30-10.  Well when I tried to go to bed I couldn’t. Anxiety and thoughts about being socially isolated and that I was regressing.  I know so many people in this pandemic are struggling so is this WD or just normal anxiety?  A part of me thinks I triggered a wave with my driving and phone calls, etc.  Then I think The stress of the pandemic is the cause. Or is it both?  Does anyone have an opinion?  My late nap may have interfered although I’ve done that before. My sleep up until last night was consistent in that I was asleep from 10-2:30 and then I’d sometimes sleep longer. Last night was something completely new. No changes to supplements. My usual fish oil and magnesium glycinate.  Vitamin C in the AM. This is so hard!  


 

Edited by ChessieCat
added topic title

2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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ChessieCat

It's one "worst night", not a pattern of really bad nights.


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Fightinghard

@ChessieCat Thanks.  Based on your experience it’s probably just WD? I’ll back off my intensity of schedule. It was weird I just couldn’t fall asleep. When i first started SSRIs back in April I had this happen. I couldn’t fall asleep the first few days or so.  It was combined with high stress from Covid.  Then it calmed down to my pattern of 4-5 hours and wake up then fall back asleep.  Which basically continued with WD. 
 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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ChessieCat

SA strongly encourages members to learn and use Non-drug techniques to cope

 

See also the following 2 quotes:

  

On 4/28/2017 at 4:03 AM, brassmonkey said:

 

AAF: Acknowledge, Accept, Float.  It's what you have to do when nothing else works, and can be a very powerful tool in coping with anxiety.  The neuroemotional anxiety many of us feel during WD is directly caused by the drugs and their chemical reactions in the brain.  Making it so there is nothing we can do about them.  They won't respond to other drugs, relaxation techniques and the like.  They do, however, react very well to being ignored.  That's the concept behind AAF.  Acknowledge, get to know the feeling involved, explore them.  Accept, These feelings are a part of you and they aren't going anywhere fast. Float, let the feeling float off as you get on with your life as best as you can.  It's a well documented fact that the more you feed in to anxiety the worse it gets.  What starts as generalized neuroemotinal anxiety can be easily blown into a full fledged panic attack just by thinking about it.

 

I often liken it to an unwanted house guest.  At first you talk to them, have conversations, communicate with them.  After a while you figure out that they aren't leaving and there is nothing you can do to get rid of them.  So you go on about your day, working around them until they get bored and leave.

 

It can take some practice, but AAF really does work.  I hope you give it a try.

 

  

On 8/23/2020 at 3:00 AM, Brooke said:

 

I'd say it took about a year for me to feel "in control" of the waves. And by that I mean that they didn't scare me anymore, and my attitude was more of "put on your seatbelt, here we go again" rather than "oh no, what if this never ends and this is who I am forever?" Once I accepted them as part of the situation, they didn't have as much of a handle on me and I was able to work and live through them in a more productive and nurturing way.

 

 

 


NEW!!!               INTERVIEW with Altostrata, SA's founder               NEW!!! 

 

ADs:  25 years - 1 unknown, Prozac (muscle weakness), Zoloft; citalopram (pooped out) CTed (very sick for 2.5 wks a few months after)

Pristiq:  50mg 2012, 100mg beg 2013 (Serotonin Toxicity)  Tapering Oct 2015  Current from 14 Nov 2020:  Pristiq 0.50 mg

My tapering program                                      My Intro (goes to my tapering graph)

My website - includes my brief history + links to videos & information on the web

PLEASE NOTE:  I am not a medical professional.  I provide information and make suggestions.

REMINDER TO SELF:  I don't need the drug now, but my still brain does.

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Fightinghard

So I rebounded last night with probably my best night sleep since July. Asleep about 10:15. One wake up but I don’t know the time. I’d guess 3:30. Fell back to sleep in 30 minutes?  Final wake up at 7:15. Outside of 2 nights ago  it seems as a whole my sleep is trending  better. I’m falling asleep when awake more frequently and I’ve had several nights of one wake up. 
I’m working hard on unresolved emotions which definitely contributes to symptoms but I think it’s helping.  Supplement wise I’m doing my usual but vitamin c is 2 times per day 1000mg. Mg and fish oil as normal.  
 

I’ll remain focused on recovery and my family. I will get through this. 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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mstimc

You're doing great, Fighting!  Keep up the effort!


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

Thanks @mstimc!  I’ve struggled with some waves lately but I think most of them have been emotional triggers.  I’ve been really honest with my self with some difficult emotions from the past.  I’ve had an aha moment that I don’t need to ‘solve’ them but just acknowledge them and be aware of them. Some are hard and painful but I have to go through the ‘fire’ if I want to get to the other side.  Living in the moment is something I’m really starting to understand. I struggled with how do you prepare for the future if your always in the moment?  It’s clear to me now I can prepare for the future in the moment but I don’t have to project the future in a catastrophic way.  So I’m in the moment, preparing for the future but not living in the future. It’s a very powerful realization that takes practice to master it. I thought with your Beliefs and experiences with CBT you’d appreciate this. It’s really a liberating feeling. 
 

As long as I’m in WD, I’ll continue to have waves.  I’m healing regardless of the state of WD and my symptoms. One day at a time. 
 

As always, thank you. 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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mstimc

Fighting, yours are some of the wisest words I've read on this entire site!  It so hard to let go of fear, especially of the future.  But I've found we're a lot better at dealing with reality than anticipation.  You are going to come out of this so much stronger and wiser!   


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

I had another rough night.  I’m not surprised. I went with my wife to a friends house that was busier than I expected.  Probably 10 people?  We sat outside and talked but it was a lot of stimulus.  We didn’t stay late.  We left around 8:45 and were home by 9:00.  Between the kids running around and all the adult conversations with bright lights I must of stimulated myself. I had a hard time sleeping.  Woke up around 1:15.  My thoughts were very negative.  I’m worried my mind is starting to fail. Is this WD or am I just depressed?  A lot of bad thoughts.  Yesterday was a pretty good day.  I enjoyed a walk with my wife, helped clean around the house, had dinner with my family and then off to the friends house.  My anxiety was very low yesterday and I had a little depression, more melancholy I guess.  But I’d say earlier in the day was a window.  Last night, My general fears were up about getting things done, etc.  I felt ‘uneasy’. My legs feel restless and I’m guessing my cortisol  was up.  


What’s interesting was yesterday I was setting goals.  I wanted to compete in a race next June/July.  This would be a year from stopping lexapro and a way to celebrate.  I was thinking maybe I’ll run tomorrow.  I actually thought of asking a friend to bike ride. Oh well.  I’m sure I’ll walk later and probably bike ride lightly. Watch church online.  It’s my anniversary today. 17 years.  I wish this was easier but it’s not.   
 

Now, I feel concerned about making through this. My mind and body are fatigued. It’s a catch 22.  If I sit and do nothing, my body calms down.  Less anxiety and probably easier sleep.  I need the social/mental stimulus and interaction to help recover mentally in other ways.  It helps the melancholy. I guess it’s a juggling act. 
 

I’ll work hard. I’ve got three beautiful children and a fabulous wife who mean everything to me. I’ll stay focused on them. 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

Sorry but I have a thought that I’m depressed/melancholy from prelexapro issues that now is amplified by WD.  I guess I have to work through it with he AAF approach but just be careful not to overstimulate.  Between last Thursday when I overdid it driving and having emotional conversations with people and last night I’ve learned to be careful. I think I’ll cancel my therapy tomorrow.  Give me time to heal a little with where I am.  That always seems to stimulate me some.  I’ll decide tomorrow.  


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

I’m starting to think I have DP/DR.  My arms and legs have been weak, I’m getting a heavy feeling in my head and last night my thoughts and inner dialogue weren’t aligned.  It was very weird.  I’m not sure if it’s fatigue or stress or dp/dr but I guess from what I read all you can do is ignore it, accept it and kind of face things.  This is fairly new.  Probably started Thursday night some.  Friday it subsided and now last night when I was struggling to sleep.  

  


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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mstimc

Hi Fighting.  I wouldn't make any assumptions about suffering from depression or depersonalization right now.  As you said, you were overstimulated by your visit with friends and you're still dealing with pre-meds emotions.  Any negative thought or emotion can be blown out of proportion compared to the progress you've made.  Besides the emotional and mental toll, overstimulation can have physical effects like weakness and tiredness.  I used to come back physically exhausted from parties and needed a day or two to recover.  Give yourself some time and I'll bet the symptoms will fade.

Edited by mstimc

Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

@mstimc Thanks!  I am physically exhausted right now. Like my whole body is spent. I did walk 3 miles with my wife and daughter. I’m very hungry as well.  Maybe low blood sugar from the intense stimulation. What a contrast from yesterday morning. Thanks!


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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mstimc

Hunger is usually a good sign!  Depression usually suppresses your appetite. 


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

Good point. I think I’m in a really hard wave for me. It’s the worst I’ve felt in months.  Hoping things calm down. I’ll focus on other things as best I can today.  As always, thank you


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

I feel like I’m on yo-yo these days.  Last night was a better night sleep and overall I had a 6 hour stretch of sleep. First time in probably 6 months?  The 4am surge woke me but I did fall back to sleep for maybe 45 minutes- 1 hour?  I’ll take it.  
 

I’m definitely battling the neuroemotions but now that I recognize it things have been more manageable.  This morning my anxiety is there but not overwhelming.  I’m planning on taking a walk in nature today and working from home.  I’m going to be gentle hoping I can keep myself in a better place.  I have to believe if I can get my sleep consistent it will help my healing.

 

 Well I think I really understand windows and waves now more than ever.  I think the more I understand things the better I can manage this. 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

I’m looking for any thoughts on my current pattern.  Last night was another very light night of sleep.  Probably about 5 or so hours but very light.  My body had an uneasy feeling the whole night. I dreamt more than usual.  I have this pattern of pretty good night sleep, then a light not so good sleep.  I’ve attributed my last to lighter sleep to ‘triggers’ and frankly those nights were much worse than last night.  The nights I don’t sleep well or deeply, I seem to be  having neuroemtions with almost like a depression feeling of isolation like I’ve mentioned.  I’m asleep but my body feels some tingling, etc.  The next day, my entire body is fatigued and almost feels like I can’t move.  I’m wondering if in essence I’m having a panic attack at night while I’m sleeping?  When I awake my heart is racing more than usual. Typing and even talking seems like an effort right now.  Very bizarre feeling.  Yesterday, I was feeling really good.  Very little anxiety and Like I was close to normal.  I had a simple day with a nice walk in the morning and some work in the afternoon from home.  I did have my therapy but this week didn’t seem as emotional as others.  

 

So I guess I can’t try to always attribute a situation to a trigger.  Maybe this is my current windows and waves pattern that if I do overdo it, becomes worse?  I almost feel like my body and mind is trying to learn how to sleep again overnight.  I’m very encouraged by the ‘good nights’ and the good days.  Maybe I should look at this as my Windows are starting to stretch out to last throughout the entire night and day and my waves are about the same.  I sometimes worry when I’m going to bed that because I’m less social in general because of the pandemic with changes in work and life that I’m depressed over that.  I get the intense feelings.  It’s not all the time but tends to be more prevalent in the evenings.  Like I said, some evenings I’m fine.  In fact lSunday night I was thinking I was ‘healed’ from many of my underlying previous emotional issues.  Rationally, I believe I’m doing ok in that I text and talk with people regularly, have been to some friends lately and I do work in offices some days.  I see my wife and kids, etc.  But in those bad momements that’s where my mind goes.  

 

So does this sound like windows and waves?  Versus my concerns of the social isolation situation?  At this point I probably shouldn’t need the support;  it has to be waves that make me feel this bad.  Because on the contrary, I felt so good yesterday.   I think if I was truly depressed about being isolated, it would be everyday and most of the day not a pattern of some days versus others.  At least that’s what I’m thinking.  


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

So in some ways I think I may be improving. I’m having less ruminating about withdrawal in general.  My sleep has leveled some in that I’ve had several days of sleeping 5 hour stretches where I did fall back asleep for a little bit after so maybe 6 to 7 hours total. Yesterday was the first day I didn’t come to this site and in didn’t feel the need to. 
 I still have anxiety and what I’m thinking is most likely neuro emotions.  Maybe a little depressed. Less motivation.  It’s really the most prominent thing along with my sleep. I’m still  struggling with is it WD or is it not?  I continue to have these fears of isolation which really isn’t the case. What will happen with the pandemic, etc.  Am I losing it?   I used to use exercise as my anxiety ‘medicine’.  Now I have a fear of exercise in if I do too much will it stimulate me? That release of endorphins has to help this process. I think today I’ll go for it and jog and lift weights some.  I guess I’ll learn what is too much. I think The possible benefits outweigh the unknown consequences. Nothing crazy but I have to start somewhere. 
 

My symptoms as of today:

-broken sleep

-neuroemotions

-sensitivity to sounds and activity

-morning cortisol?  My emotions are worst between 3ish and 4:30 AM or so. I think generally my cortisol feeling is down throughout the day.  I have anxiety but to a much less degree.  

-hunger seems to be high but when i think logically about it I may not be eating enough. 

-depression/ probably just melancholy

 

That all said, it’s weird because I’m just feeling like I’m in less WD. The overall intensity of things is just less outside of some neuroemotions and fears. I hope my sleep continues to improve as that will help I’m sure.  


i think I need to find my new’ normal’ during this pandemic which will help alleviate some of my WD symptoms.  I think my struggle is fears of the future and current isolation. Both unfounded and disproportionate to reality. 
 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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Fightinghard

 I’ve been in the typical window/waves pattern.  Have better sleep a few nights and then back to where you were.  Normally things are rough in the early morning.  The last few weeks I was in this intense mode of fear of isolation and my future, etc. it was probably some unresolved issues amplified by neuroemotions from cortisol.    The past few days when I’m waking between 2-3  I still have some anxiety but everything seems less intense. Uncomfortable but not overwhelming. I’m not nearly as worried about being isolated, etc.  I really think many of my unresolved emotions are becoming less intense.  A month ago I’d get up and immediately have the need to search this site for comfort.  While I am writing this, it’s  more inquisitive than anxiety driven.  I guess I’m ruminating less.   Like I said, a week or so ago I was in complete fear of being isolated.  Now, if it comes to mind, it’s not nearly as intense or fearful.  I believe my cortisol levels and anxiety is much less than a week ago.  My depression/melancholy is less.  My pattern has been anxiety in the morning or melancholy.  Today it’s kind of in the middle. Very neutral. I’m tired but not sad or anxious.  I feel like my brain is starting to correct things.  Before it was overshooting with anxiety or depression.  I also think my cortisol is just a little less throughout the day. That’s my amateur guess!  I have to remember things can change quickly with waves but I think I’m trending where my waves are a little less intense and uncomfortable than they were. 
 

symptoms:

insomnia-  4-6 hour initial stretch of sleep then fall asleep another 1-2 hours some nights.

anxiety- generally much less especially in the early mornings and throughout the day

depression/melancholy- Recently seems less overall.  
appetite:  I go through phases of extreme hunger.  I attribute It to low blood sugar but I don’t know that. Early on I had very little appetite. I’m up to 192 pounds from 180.  My normal weight is 205ish.  I think it’s a good sign I’m starting to put on weight and eat?  
Environmental stimulus:  tv and loud noises seem to stimulate me especially in the evenings.  It does seem better though. I may try to watch a 30 minute sitcom tonight.  Going to busy public places in the evenings is still tough. 
emotional stimulus:  still high. Certain topics I can’t listen to.  Everyday though it is improving some.  I avoid talking to people at times if it may be negative or emotional. 

loss of interest/motivation:  I’m less motivated overall and previous interests aren’t quite there yet.  I think between insomnia and WD it’s hard to measure what is what.  
Tics-  some minor tics here in and there.  

 

I’m going to enjoy today with a walk in nature with my wife. I’ll try to jog very lightly for a short distance as well.  Today is 13 weeks off of meds!  I was only on them 11 weeks!  Now I’ve been in WD longer than the meds.   Oh well.  I’m not sure how much longer I have but Whatever path I’m on I’ll make the best of it.  It’s hard many days because of the irrational thoughts but I have to keep trying.  I will say I’m far from ‘healed’ but in some weird ways I’m feeling better.  It’s hard to pinpoint. I’ve felt this for the past week at times.  At times I feel like I’m in less ‘WD’.. Maybe because I’m ruminating less?   I’m an optimist so I tend to think I’m getting better.  When I look at things objectively, i do believe I’ve improved in the past month. I hope this trend continues.  
 

 


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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mstimc

Great post, Fighting!  Looking at improvement over the long-term is great to give you perspective.  Things may change from one  day to the next but when you can see how much better you're handling things compared to a month or two ago, you've got the right attitude. 


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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Fightinghard

@mstimc  Thanks!  As you know it’s such a struggle.  I’m trying to take the approach of ‘no excuses’.  Meaning I can’t let WD control me.  That doesn’t mean I don’t respect it or manage it but I have to move forward with each day and make the best of it.  I’ve developed so many fears because of WD.  Fear I might trigger something negative. I have to slowly try things to hopefully expand myself and relieve some anxiety about WD itself.   Am I making it worse by being anxious about things that may or may not cause problems?  Probably not helping....


2003-2006-  Zoloft then Wellbutrin, Ritalin, concerta , Adderall.  Don’t remember dosage, tapers or timeframes. ADD treatment. I think I had some WD?  Definitely PSSD which resolved over time. 

Zoloft  100 MG April18-april 22, 2020

Buspirone 20 mg from April 18-May 18

10 mg from May 18 - May 27 2020

Lexapro 5 mg from April 22 through May 1st

10 mg from May 1 through June 1

5 mg from June 1 though june 18

2.5 mg from June 18 through June 25

1.25 mg from June 25 through July 4 2020

Ambien -  2.5 mg  April 21 and 26 2020

Trazodone 50 mg-  3 times late April and 4 days the first week in June 2020

Supplements:  Omega 3’s 1000 mg 3 X a day,  Magnesium Glycinate 400 mg (now 4 times a day), Melatonin 1 mg, Vitamin C 1000 mg, probiotics.

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mstimc

I was like that as well.  I would tell myself 90% of what we worry about never happens and we can handle the rest.  Fear of fear is the worst of all--that feeling that you're doing okay now, but there's something out there that'll set off a wave.  When and if something bad happens, we usually find we are much better at handling reality than we are dealing with anticipatory anxiety.


Tim C

Started Paxil for GAD in 1999

Unsuccessful taper attempt in 2006

Paxilprogress helped with a successful taper completed in 2009

Using therapy and CBT to manage my anxiety

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