Alicewonderland: hoping for change

[Alicewonderland]

I have been off all psych drugs for 6 years. 
 

I stopped Prozac in 2014, I had previously taken it for almost 12 years. 
 

4 month after stopping I started with severe akathesia and a lot of withdrawal symptoms. All drugs made it worse. 
 

Improvement stalled after 1 year. For the last 6 I have suffered.

constant tinnitus, bouts of vertigo, very bad muscle stiffness in my neck and upper back, chronic fatigue, constant headache, memory fatigue, agitation. The worse is insomnia. I cannot stay still in bed at all. My sleep has never improved.

 

I have very bad depressive symptoms and find it hard to care for myself. Wash, eat, basic things you take for granted. 
 

I want to get better but I am very scared of akathesia. It was truly horrific and I still feel it now in my muscles and in my movement. 
 

I only survive I do not live. 
 

I want to feel like I used to on Prozac. I felt very well, lots of energy, lots of laughing and happiness and love for my family.  Now I have no happiness and I never laugh. 
 

I think it is clear that my brain will not get better on its own. I try to eat well, try to walk, try extremely hard to look after myself. Try to be social. I can’t follow conversations, my mouth and brain do not connect. Nothing helps. I feel nothing but doom, pain, fatigue. I have no interest in anything. 

 

I know you cannot fix. I feel very desperate to feel good again. 
 

i have liquid Prozac and Amitriptyline. I look at it everyday, set dates to try at low dose to help little bit. but always find excuse. So nothing changes everyday the same. No sleep no smiles. 
 

I spoke to Dr Shipko he said I was describing akathesia. 
 

 

 

[Gridley]

Welcome to SA, Alicewonderland.  I'm sorry you're suffering so and that it has gone on for such a long time.

 

It has been our experience here that people eventually do heal, though it can take a long, long time.  I wish I could tell you how long it will take in your case but I can't.  You might find reading about the situations of other sufferers from paws (post-acute withdrawal syndrome) helpful.  For other links, Google SurvivingAntidepressants.org paws.

 

Protracted Withdrawal or PAWS (post-acute withdrawal syndrome ...

 

Akathisia is a common withdrawal symptom, and many of our members are dealing with it or have dealt with it.  Some have found relief by using a weighted blanket.  If case you haven't already tried a blanket, here's a link:

 

Weighted blankets & bed tents for restlessness, akathisia ...

 

Here's another link that may be of some help.  Take a look at the various links and see if there are some techniques you think might be of some help to you.

 

Non-drug techniques to cope

 

You didn't mention anxiety as one of your symptoms, but if it is I've found the restorative yoga pose in the following link to be helpful.

 

10 minute Restorative Yoga for Relaxation | Up the wall

 

This is your Introduction topic, where you can ask questions and connect with other members.  We're glad you found your way here.

 

 

[Hanna72]

@Alicewonderland

Welcome to SA from me too.

I am very sorry to hear about your situation. As Gridley mentioned there is unfortunately no timeline  for healing. We can only focus on one day at a time. Our bodies are incredible machines. They have the capacity of healing itself. For some it may be longer then for others. 
 

5 hours ago, Alicewonderland said:

think it is clear that my brain will not get better on its own.

Yes it will heal. You have to have faith and know that your brain is healing.
A positive outlook can also have a great saying in your thoughts and emotions and can ease your journey

5 hours ago, Alicewonderland said:

have liquid Prozac and Amitriptyline. I look at it everyday, set dates to try at low dose to help little bit. but always find excuse

That’s your gut feeling telling you not to take it. 
I truly hope that you can find coping skills in here. This forum has so much reading materials.

Your health and wellness matters, and this community has been a great help to so many.

Never give up, great things take time and patience.

my best wishes to you 🙏

[Alicewonderland]

Hello. 

 

i suppose my feelings are at what point do you try to relieve suffering. How long do you wait to heal? 10 years, 20 years? 30 years? What if you get to the end of your life and you spent your whole life waiting ? 

 

I really feel by body would have given me some indication it was healing. I do not have good days. Everyday is suffering. For 6 years I haven’t been able to function.
I am not a pessimist but I cannot see that just suddenly getting better. If anything it gets worse as the pain is very draining and you watch life pass you by. 

 

i know it’s ultimately up to me.. It’s very scary feeling being alone and not knowing what to do for the best. 
 

Dr Shipko says he has seen people recover after going back to Ssri after 3 years off. But he says everyone is different and it can make akathesia worse not better that is what stops me. 
 

 

 

I appreciate your responses. Thank you 

[Gridley]

2 hours ago, Alicewonderland said:

How long do you wait to heal

As you say, it's your decision.  I'm sorry you're suffering.

[Alicewonderland]

Hello.

i am going to try taking Amitriptyline at 5 then hopefully 10mg. I am in such physical daily pain it’s hard to cope.

 

I hope someone can give me a little bit of support. I have tried so hard for almost 7 years. 

[ChessieCat]

11 minutes ago, Alicewonderland said:

i am going to try taking Amitriptyline at 5 then hopefully 10mg.

 

It takes about 4 days for a dose to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

Q:  Have you ever taken Amitriptyline before?

 

Because your nervous system is probably sensitised even if you have taken amitripyline previously I suggest you consider starting with a lower dose.  It is better to start with a small dose and increase if you need to rather than risk taking too much which might make things worse.

 

Here is SA's topic which explains how to get the dose you need:

 

tips-for-tapering-off-amitriptyline

[ChessieCat]

Please create your drug signature so we can see your drug history at a glance.

 

Instructions:  Withdrawal History Signature

Account Settings – Create or Edit a signature

[Alicewonderland]

No I have not taken it before. Hoping for pain relief.

 

i have added the sig thank you. 

[ChessieCat]

We do understand the difficult situation you are in.  However, SA is a site for going off/reducing drugs and supporting members who are tapering or post withdrawal.

 

You might find that there is a different forum, FaceBook group or support site which is more suitable for your current situation.  This is one site that we suggest:  patientslikeme.com

 

If in the future you decide to taper we may be able to assist you with that.

[Alicewonderland]

thank you for your message 

 

I am wanting to relieve  the severe withdrawal symptoms that coming off antidepressants have caused. Not treat an unrelated condition. I never had pain before coming off antidepressants. 

 

i am by the very definition surviving antidepressants. 
 

I took your advise and only took 1 mg of Amitriptyline. I slept 6 solid hours. I haven’t done that in a long time.

 

i totally respect you cannot advise people about treating a unrelated condition but I only want to take a tiny amount.

thank you 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Alicewonderland]

So I have stopped the Amil and will take 1mg of Prozac from tomorrow.

 

i did sleep more last night on the amil but not good sleep it was dreamy and non refreshing. However this has been the same for 6 years, just on amil there is more of it.

 

i have a lot of traumatic thoughts around Prozac but I want to get better.

 

there is so much pressure in my head, face and jaw.It feel like a steel balloon has been blown up inside my head. 

[ChessieCat]

44 minutes ago, Alicewonderland said:

So I have stopped the Amil

 

Q:  Why did you stop the Amitriptyline?

 

Q:  How many days did you take it?

 

It takes about 4 days for a dose (most drugs*) to get to full level in the blood and a bit longer for it to register in the brain.

 

* Prozac can take about 2 weeks to get to full strength.  I suggest that you don't increase your dose too quickly.  You will need to take the long half life into consideration.

 

Please note that chopping and changing drugs/doses might make things worse.

[Alicewonderland]

5 minutes ago, ChessieCat said:

 

54 minutes ago, Alicewonderland said:

So I have stopped the Amil

 

Q:  Why did you stop the Amitriptyline

 

because I cannot get support with taking it on here. I can’t do it on my own I need a little support if things go wrong 

[Alicewonderland]

I understand why I can’t. Just it helped taking a tiny dose, I would have started much higher.

 

 

[ChessieCat]

Please read Post #1 of this topic: 

 

About reinstating and stabilizing to reduce withdrawal symptoms

 

Tips for tapering off fluoxetine (Prozac)

[Alicewonderland]

Thank you 

 

will start tomorrow 

 

I am curious if others have had such bad muscle stiffness. My muscles are very painful in my neck, upper back and chest. Deep breathing is painful  
 

this is after the bad bout of akathesia 6 years ago. My dr gave me baclofen but I don’t want to take it because of the mental health side effects 

.

 

[Gridley]

2 hours ago, Alicewonderland said:

bad muscle stiffness.

 

Muscle and joint stiffness, aches, and pain - Page 5 ...

 

This is common in withdrawal.

[Alicewonderland]

Ta. 
 

worries me it’s not improved at all. 
 

 

[ChessieCat]

9 hours ago, Alicewonderland said:

I am curious if others have had such bad muscle stiffness. My muscles are very painful in my neck, upper back and chest. Deep breathing is painful  
 

this is after the bad bout of akathesia 6 years ago.

 

Physical therapy / physiotherapy or something similar might be helpful.

[ChessieCat]

Also, do you need a new mattress and/or pillow?  No good getting fixed up (if therapy works) and then messing it up with a bad sleeping situation.